The Sessions
by Grissom1
Summary: This is set during the famous scene where Grissom goes to Sara's apartment in hopes of finding out why Sara has been so angry. This is my take on what happens afterwards. Hey, we can dream can't we?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI-if I did, GSR would be the focus

Setting: This begins with the famous scene when Grissom confronts Sara in her apartment about her behavior with Catherine and Ecklie. This is how I wished it had gone. Perhaps, it did a little??? Ah, the imagination is a wonderful thing.

"No Sara, I want you to tell me why you are so angry?" The words echoed in her head. For so many years she had longed for him to come to her like this. Now, she only wanted him to leave. She was vulnerable tonight. She was on the verge of quitting. She wanted to quit everything, her job, and her unsuccessful attempts at getting Grissom to face his demons and now he was here. There was a sense of irony to the meeting. He was here to make her face her demons and she didn't want to do that.

_I'm not ready to let go of this pain. This is me. I won't break down. I won't let you in. I don't know how to let you in. Not like this. I can't…. _.

Sara stared off into space. She tried to pretend he wasn't there but he just sat and looked at her. The silence in the room was deafening. She didn't remember how she began but she found herself talking about the night her mother killed her father. Like a dam, all of the secrets and all of the emotions came flooding forth and she turned away trying to hide the tears.

_Don't look at him. Don't cry. Don't look at his eyes. _

Sara had often thought that Grissom had missed his true calling. His eyes were those of a priest. One long from those blue eyes made her want to repent. Sara was shocked to hear her own sobs. She buried her head in her arms and cried. She felt his hand holding hers.

_Don't touch me. You don't really care. You don't love me. I can't let you do this. I'm not strong enough for your rejection right now. I have to get away from your touch. I need…_

Sara didn't know what she was doing. She had meant to get up and walk away but instead she fell to the floor and into his embrace. She feared he would refuse to hold her but instead she could feel his arms returning the embrace. There Sara felt like she was at confession. Her anger rising with each stroke of his hand on her back. She remembered all of the times she had extended an olive branch only to have it trampled beneath his feet. _How could someone be so cruel but be so…how can I love the one person who hurts me the most? _

She didn't finish the thought. She felt herself hitting Grissom in the chest with her fist as she poured out her fear, her anger, her longing to be loved by him. He did not budge. He did not pull away from the embrace but continued to hold her.

_There I've done it now. He will surely leave. I have confessed how much I love him. He will wait until I compose myself and then he will run. This time he will run so far that I won't be able to reach him. This time I won't be able to forgive his refusal to return my love. This time I will not be able to pick up the pieces. This time, I'm not sure I want to. _

Sara wished the voices in her head would stop. She wanted peace. She longed for peace. She felt Grissom pulling her up from the floor. _Now it's time to say goodbye. He's going to run out that door as fast as he can._

Sara continued to cry. She couldn't seem to stop. This was too much in one day. She didn't comprehend his actions until she felt her feet being lifted from the floor. Grissom carried her to the bedroom and gently set her on the bed. He grabbed a blanket that was lying over a chair and placed it around her, doing all of this without breaking contact with her. He firmly held her as she cried on his shoulder.

Her sobs became a slow whimper as she heard his voice softly saying her name over and over. It was hypnotic. It was like heaven. She held onto him; her hands were like a vice on his shirt but he didn't flinch. He gently stroked her back with his hand and it sent shivers up and down Sara.

_He's going to leave. He's going to walk out and you won't be able to pick up the pieces. Sara... Sara…_

Sara didn't recall when she fell asleep. The last thing she remembered was Grissom comforting her. She sat up in the bed and the room was suddenly very cold. Something was different. Sara was alone. She curled up in a ball and began to rock back and forth.

_I told you! You let him know how much he means to you and now he is gone. _

What hurt the most is that for a moment she had felt loved. She was startled when she heard the bedroom door open and Grissom stood there. He crossed the room and sat down beside Sara. He pulled her into his arms and held her. Sara continued to cry. Again he cradled her in his arms and lovingly spoke to her softly.

"Sara, I'm sorry. I thought you may be hungry so I stepped out to get us a bite to eat. Could you please try to eat something?"

Sara looked up into his deep blue eyes and she tried to smile but the tears continued to fall_. I thought you had left._ "You can leave if you want. You don't need to stay here because you're my boss."

Grissom smiled down at her and cupped her chin in his hand "I always thought I was something more than just a boss."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Did he just use my own words? _

Sara brushed the tears away from her face. She looked at the clock and knew that Grissom was supposed to be at work soon. _Get yourself together. Be careful. Any sudden movement and he will run for the door._

Sara stared at the door. Grissom looked at the door also. "Expecting someone?"

He asked as he began setting up a make shift table on the bed.

"Grissom, I know you need to go. You have to be at work soon. Its okay, you can leave. I'm sure you have better things to do than to be here with me."

Grissom continued to place the food out. He set the drinks on the bedside table. He handed Sara a sandwich along with a napkin.

"Actually I called in sick. If you want me to leave, I will." Grissom sat down on the bed and looked at Sara. "If you are going to send me away could I at least eat? I think we both skipped a meal today."

Sara smiled and Grissom's heart skipped a beat. _That's my Sara_.

At first they ate in silence but then he began to talk about the cases that had come through the lab that day. Sara was glad for the conversation. It was neutral territory. Sara could match Grissom's intelligence and zeal for the job. They were both workaholics. They lived and breathed forensics. They were different in other ways. Grissom wouldn't let others get close. Sara longed to have someone close. She had yearned for love all of her life. The moment she saw Grissom she knew she loved him. She had tried so many times to get him to open up to her but he had only kept her at a distance.

It was different now. He was sitting beside her, sharing a meal with her. She remembered the time she had asked him to dinner and he had turned her down flat. She gone home and cried for hours. The rejection had stung. _He just feels sorry for me. He feels responsible for me. He needs me at the lab. He needs me as an employee._

Sara's heart lurched and she placed the sandwich down. She leaned back in the bed and closed her eyes. _I don't need his pity. I don't want him to feel sorry for me. I don't want him to….leave._

"Sara, are you okay?" She felt his hand upon hers again. She felt the anger begin to rise. She wanted to lash out. She wanted his heart to feel the same pain that she had felt for so long. _He can't feel pain. He can't love. He can't feel love for me. If he did he wouldn't treat me like this. I know he's being nice right now but then tomorrow… well we both know what happens then. The prince turns back into a pumpkin. A rotten one at that. _

Grissom again asked "Sara, are you okay?" She looked at him this time and he saw the pain and the anger. He had seen this anger in her eyes before. He had feared this the most about Sara. He had seen what Sara could do when her anger got the best of her. He had once had to pull her off a suspect who had killed his wife. Sara had immediately picked up on the spousal abuse and wanted to lash back at the husband in defense of the poor victim who had lost her life to his violence. Grissom had to physically hold her back that day. He knew that her anger was now directed at him.

"I don't need your pity right now. I'm fine. You won't have to worry about me getting out of line with Ecklie or Catherine again. I'll do my suspension without a fight. If you want to fire me, then go ahead. Frankly, I don't care anymore. You hear me, I don't care…" Her voice began to shake and she could feel the dam welling up and about to overflow again. She jumped out of the bed and began to pace the room.

"I'm not going through this dance routine with you anymore. You hear me! I'm not going to pour out my feelings to you only to have them trampled. I've tried so many times in the past to get you to show me some sign that you want to be with me. Every time I thought I saw a glimpse of hope, you ran. You've always run. Well, I can't go through that again. It hurts too much!" She covered her mouth with her hand. She hadn't meant to say so much. She didn't want to push him away. _Self preservation Sara. You have to do this or he will break you this time. _

She waited for him to respond but instead he closed his eyes and sat in silence. She stood there and watched him. He appeared to have some inner struggle with his emotions. _I'm sorry I hurt you. _Sara started to turn away but he caught her hand with his forcing her to sit beside him. "You may not care but I care Sara. I have always cared. I could never find the right words to tell you." He kissed the palm of her hand and held it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"I've talked with Ecklie and he has agreed to give you a 7 day suspension with only 3 days without pay as long as you agree to give Catherine and him a formal apology and undergo anger management with a counselor."

Sara did not say anything. She had tried the counselor bit years ago but it never seemed to help. She knew she had been at fault for that since she could never bring herself to keep the appointments. She always dropped out after the second session.

"Sara, will you agree to these terms?" Grissom continued to hold her hand. Even when she tried to pull away he refused to let go.

"What if I don't?"

"Sara, please." He again kissed the palm of her hand and she felt a shiver go up her arm.

"I was never good at counseling. I can't open up to strangers. I don't think I can do this."

"I recommended that you speak with a counselor or your boss. It would be your choice."

Sara looked at Grissom confused. "You're my boss."

Grissom smiled. "We can spend the time getting to know one another. If you will share something private with me, I will share something with you. Perhaps we can both defeat our demons together. I'm willing if you are Sara."

Sara looked at Grissom. She wasn't sure what had just transpired. She wasn't sure she could trust him. _He's run away before. He's going to run away again. Be careful. Be careful. _

"Okay. I just shared with you tonight. More than I ever wanted to, so tell me something. I think I deserve it." Grissom fidgeted on the bed and looked away.

_Just as I suspected. He won't change. He won't let me in. _Sara started to get up from the bed when Grissom held her down.

"Okay. If we are going to do this then they are some rules."

"What rules?"

"First, there has to be trust. Whatever we tell one another is not shared with anyone else."

Sara nodded in approval.

"Second. No matter what we say, the other can not get mad or at least leave mad. We have to talk it through."

Sara wasn't sure about the second rule but she nodded anyway.

"Third, we keep this separate from the office. When we meet, this is our time to talk about anything. When we are in the office, we are boss and employee."

"Fine. What do we call this… this time together?"

"Counseling, of course."

_Is he serious? Does he think we can sit here every week and discuss our personal demons and it only be considered counseling? He's already in denial. He's not going to make it through the first session. He's … trying. _

"Any more conditions Dr. Grissom?"

Grissom frowned from Sara's tone but he didn't really mind. The anger had seemed to go away.

"Fourth, I won't call you Sidle if you won't call me Grissom."

"Well, I have a few choice things I could call you but if you prefer a particular name then..."

"It's Gil, Sara." He knew she was teasing him now.

They finished their meal chatting about nonsensical things. It was amazing how relaxed they seemed to be around one another. Sara glanced at the clock and then at Grissom. He was tired.

"I think you need to go home and rest. I'm fine Gris... Gil." Grissom glanced at her several times and then at the door. He did not want to leave. He didn't think Sara was fine. She had packed away all of the hurt again and he knew that she had not dealt with the biggest pain in her life: his rejection.

"If you need to get some rest, I'll leave but I felt it was only right that I share something with you."

Sara almost gasped. _Did he just say that?_

"Don't look so surprised, Sara. A deal is a deal. I promise to hold up my end if you're willing to do the same."

"Okay. Spill it. Let's hear it."

Grissom sat back on the bed and stared at Sara. _Where do I begin?_

"I'm afraid to let someone get close."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

_That's it? I can't believe him. I could have told him that! Who does he think I am? _

"What a revelation Griss... Gil. I never would have guessed that one." Sara's temper was returning. Grissom began to fidget again.

"I wasn't finished. I wouldn't let you get close to me because I'm afraid of you."

Sara's anger turned to puzzlement. "Gil, I know I have a temper but why would you ever be afraid of me?"

Grissom gulped. _Who said confession is good for the soul!_

"I'm afraid that you will see how much you mean to me."

Silence. The room was silenced. At one point, Sara thought she could hear the pounding of her heart. _I'm dreaming. No, I have finally slipped over the edge and this is a delusional state. A blessed delusional state._

"What do you mean?" asked Sara.

Grissom closed his eyes and thought about running for the door. _I should have left. I'm not sure I can go through with this confession stuff. _

"I didn't want you to know how much I cared for you. How much I liked spending time with you. How much it meant to have you in my life. How much I …"

The ringing of the phone interrupted Grissom's last statement. Sara cursed under her breath as she reached for the phone. It was Greg.

"Hey, Greg. No, I'm fine really. I just let my temper get the best of me. I will be back to work soon. What?" Sara smiled as she then heard Nick's voice. "Hey Nicky. I know. I needed some time off so what can I say. I should have come up with a better plan than this. Nick, pal around with Greg while I'm gone. He can use the company. Okay?" There was another silence and then Sara smiled. "Hey, Warrick. I'm fine really. I'll be back at work soon. Grissom has worked out a deal so I'll be back. Tell Catherine I said..." another pause, "Hey Catherine. It's okay. I needed a break. I'm sorry I jumped on you like that. You had every right to be angry with me. It's okay. It's going to be okay."

Grissom smiled as he overheard Sara's conversation with the team. They had become a family. He was glad that they were reaching out to Sara. Sara needed a family. He didn't think she ever really had one.

Grissom leaned down on the bed while Sara continued to talk with the others. He was surprised when he felt a soft nudge on the shoulder. He had fallen asleep.

"Gil, I think you need to get some rest." Grissom smiled. He was tired.

"I'll rest if you do." Sara got up from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. Grissom picked up the mess from the dinner and disposed of it in the kitchen. He looked around the apartment. It was Sara. The room was brightly colored. It felt warm and inviting. There was work related items thrown across the table and forensic books lying on the couch.

Sara returned in some comfortable sweats. "I thought you had left."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No, I… just don't want you to feel like you have to stay. That's all."

"Sara, I want you to know that I'm really going to try this. I'm not going to run away."

Sara turned away. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She didn't like to cry. She found herself doing that a lot lately when it came to Grissom. She swiped them away quickly. Grissom crossed the room and stood behind her. He started to reach out to hold her but stopped. Instead he decided another tactic.

"Are you too tired to have another session tonight or do you want to say goodnight?"

"You've peaked my interest and besides, I can't sleep during the night. What's the subject?"

"Forgiveness"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Sara turned to look at him. She didn't know where he was going with this topic.

"Okay. Forgiveness. The act of forgiving. To give up being angry with or wanting to punish." said Sara matter of fact.

Grissom took her hand and looked at her "I forgive you Sara."

_That's it! He's done it now. What have I done that requires forgiveness? I can't believe this! Yes, this is definitely a delusional state that has taken a turn for the worse. I'm going to call in my own 419._

Sara jerked her hand away and moved away from Grissom. Any smart man would have left the distance between them but not Grissom. He followed her.

"Sara, rule number two."

"What are you forgiving me for? I have to do something to hurt you in order to need forgiveness. What have I done? There is a long list of things that you've done that needs forgiveness!" By now Sara was trembling with anger. It was all she could do to hold in the fury that was trying to escape.

"You loved me even when I told you no."

Sara's mouth fell open. _This man needs more counseling than I do. _Sara's head began to ache. She closed her eyes and began to count slowly.

"Sara, what are you doing?"

"I'm counting before I respond in hopes that I don't have to call in a 419 right here right now."

Grissom grinned. His hand went out to touch her shoulder and she flinched.

"Don't touch me right now unless you want me to make that call."

"Grissom, what kind of morbid rationale do you have that requires you to forgive me just because I love you? I can't help it that I love you. I've loved you for years. I didn't want to. Believe me; I tried to stop loving you. I wanted to stop loving you but I can't."

Sara, Rule number four."

Sara was yelling by now and her hands were flaying around the room. Grissom grabbed her by the arms and he tried to hold her but she resisted. She scuffled briefly before relinquishing. When she quieted, he continued.

"Because you loved me, I tried to push you away and in the process I hurt you each time. I saw the pain in your eyes. It killed me every time I saw that look. I hated doing that to you. I hated making you feel that way. I began to hate myself for doing it over and over. I hated those feelings. I didn't want to feel. It's safer not to feel. I blamed you for making me come out of my cave and forcing me into the light. When I didn't know how to react to these feelings, I took it out on you. If you didn't love me then it wouldn't have mattered to me. It wouldn't have hurt so much. I forgive you for forcing me to take a hard look at myself. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I'm asking you to forgive me for all the times, you extended your love but I rejected it. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

Sara realized what Grissom was doing. She knew they would never be able to confide in one another with the past resurfacing each time they hit a road block. She was grateful that he got it out in the open.

Sara was spent. She was suddenly very tired. She didn't want to break the embrace so she remained standing. It was Grissom who made the first move.

"I think our session went pretty well. Now, if you will remember the rules better then things will go more smoothly." Sara elbowed him and he laughed.

"I don't know about you but I think I would like to sit through the next one." He guided her over to the couch and they sat together. The textbooks were thrown to the floor. Sara reached for an afghan. Grissom helped her spread it over them.

"Now, you get to pick the next topic."

Sara was tired and she didn't want to talk anymore. She just wanted to remain near him. She knew that it was getting late and Grissom was tired.

'I think we need a drink. How about some tea?" Grissom nodded so she went to the kitchen and started the tea. Within a few minutes she returned to find Grissom asleep. She smiled as she sat in the chair and watched him. He seemed much younger when he slept. The creases over his brows were not as deep and he had an angelic look about him.

Sara finished her tea and then returned the cups to the kitchen. She turned off the lights and started toward the bedroom but stopped. She glanced at her bed and then the couch. She smiled as she returned to the couch and snuggled up next to Grissom. He instinctively drew her up close to him. Together they slept.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Grissom tried to stir but the weight of something would not let him move. He looked up to see Sara resting comfortably on him. He grinned as he checked his watch. He was surprised that they had been asleep for 6 hours. He needed to move but he didn't want to wake her. He laid there and watched her sleep. _I wonder what she's dreaming. She probably hasn't slept this long in months. _

A tinge of guilt crossed Grissom's face. He cursed himself for being so cruel and thoughtless to Sara's feelings. _I've given more care to a corpse than I have with Sara._

He slowly moved the loose strand of hair from her cheek. He liked being next to her. He had wanted to hold her for so long but denied himself the pleasure. He has also denied Sara this comfort and he remembered the pain he often saw on her face. Sara could never play poker. Her emotions were always displayed on her face. He was lost in thought when he noticed she was no longer sleeping but rather staring at him.

"I think it's too early to say good morning. We've been asleep for 6 hours." Sara slowly removed herself from Grissom and sat up on the couch. She proceeded to leave the couch and head for the kitchen.

"I think we could do with some coffee." called Sara over her shoulder.

Grissom got up and stretched. He followed Sara to the kitchen.

"The shift is about over and soon everyone will be heading home. I hope it wasn't too busy last night. I know it couldn't have been easy with me out let alone the boss."

Grissom smiled. He knew that Sara was much like him. They both lived and breathed work. It was one of the qualities that he loved about her.

"I am sure I would have gotten a phone call last night if there had been a problem."

Sara handed Grissom the coffee and they returned to the couch.

Sara stared at her coffee cup remembering last night. She had not felt so safe in a long time. She was surprised she had been able to sleep.

"When did you begin having problems sleeping?" asked Grissom.

She was startled by his question. She wondered if he could read minds.

"I sleep fine."

"Rule number one, Sara."

"Griss… Gil if I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have let you sleep on the couch last night."

"Then why are you lying now?"

"Okay. Let me clarify my statement. Sometimes, I can't sleep so I work here at home or I work at the office."

"Why can't you sleep?"

"Is this another session? Do I need to take notes or something?"

Grissom could tell this was a sensitive topic for Sara so he decided to delay it until after breakfast. "How about breakfast first?"

Sara smiled and headed to the kitchen. "Well, we can waffles, cereal, yogurt, veggie omelet or…"

"How about I make us omelets?" asked Grissom as he headed to the kitchen. Sara was surprised that he wanted to cook. She stepped aside and let Grissom take command of the kitchen. She took everything out that he would need and sat across the counter and watched him.

Before long, they were sitting down at the table. Sara was surprised at his cooking. "Hey, this is really good. You can cook any time you want. I cook some but this beats anything that I could do."

Grissom was pleased that she liked his cooking. Once they were through, he began the subject again.

"So, where were we? Oh yes, sleeping habits."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

"Well, normally I don't sleep in anything but last night I had to make an exception."

She smiled when she saw him blush.

"Let's move along with the minute details. How much do you sleep?"

"I get enough. I don't recall having any lectures from my boss that I had been caught sleeping on the job."

"Well, actually I did catch you sleeping in the break room one morning."

"That wasn't fair. I never went home."

"Stop side stepping Sara and tell me why you can't sleep at night?"

"How do you know that I don't?"

"Because there are times when I can see the dark circles under your eyes. I've also called you up in the middle of day and you would be wide awake. The others are half asleep but never you."

"Very observant, Dr. Grissom."

"Thank you but again, I would rather have an answer."

"Dreams… more like nightmares."

"Of what?"

"I'm not sure. I can't remember. I don't want to remember. Is it my turn to ask a question?"

"I think you just did."

Sara rolled her eyes and Grissom laughed.

"Do you ever have nightmares?"

"I used to when I first started working. It was always the same theme. Not being able to figure out the evidence or failing to keep my staff out of harm's way."

"Sara?"

"Yes. You really don't remember your nightmares?"

Sara looked away. She became very quiet but began to speak. "I used to dream about the night my father died but once I started working as a CSI I traded that nightmare for another one."

"And?"

"I see the face of all of the victims we can't help. They're pleading with me to solve their case and I can't. It's only the really bad domestic violence cases that cause the nightmares to resurface from time to time. Eventually it will get better."

"Would you like for me to keep you off those types of cases?"

"No! I need those cases. I need to set things right. I need to help…" Sara stopped herself and turned away.

Grissom sighed and held out his hand. She took it willingly. "Sara, you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are. Your past is the reason you are who you are. Your pain has given you something that others can never have. You identify with those victims and it is your empathy that pushes you to go above and beyond to find the needed evidence to convict. You just need to leave it at the office. You have to find a way to do that. If you don't, you will burn out."

She remembered a similar lecture by Grissom one night in the lab. She had not welcomed the advice and was rather rude. It was nice that he truly cared about his staff. Sara smiled at Grissom. She got up and headed to the bedroom. "I think it's time for a shower. I can offer you a shower but I'm not sure my clothes will fit you."

Grissom grinned. "I always keep a bag with extra clothes in the Denali just in case I get into a mess on the job. I will take you up on the shower and then I think I will head into the office."

_The office. I can't go into the office. _Sara suddenly stopped and looked at Grissom. He realized she was thinking about the suspension.

"Sara, take this time and rest. Do something for yourself."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight

Sara sighed and proceeded to the bedroom. Within an hour, both had showered. Grissom had to use Sara's shampoo because he had not counted on having to wash his hair. He wondered if it smelled like Sara. He found Sara chatting on the phone. Her face was all aglow. He leaned against the bedroom entrance and watched her. It was good to see her smile and laugh. Sara was talking to the guys.

"Hey, I'm telling you, it's only fair that since you guys have to work extra hard because of my mistake, why don't I fix dinner for everyone?"

"Nicky, you haven't eaten my cooking before so how do you know you might get food poisoning."

"Greg, would you tell the guys that I can cook? That's right Nicky, I have cooked for Greg before and he's still alive."

A frown covered Grissom's face. _When did she cook for Greg? What was he doing over here?_ Grissom wanted more details.

"Okay, it's settled. I'll pick up pizza tonight for everyone. No, it's okay. You haven't hurt my feelings. I'm a big girl. It's your loss."

Sara hung up the phone and looked at Grissom. She smiled at him and he hated to leave.

"Well, I think our sessions are going very well. Let me know when you want to do another one." Grissom started for the door. Sara followed him. She didn't want him to leave but she knew he wanted to get to the lab.

"Gil, thank you for staying with me. Thank you for talking with Ecklie. I know he wanted to fire me."

"Remember our deal Sara."

"I remember."

"Can I come by after shift to see how you're doing? If you feel up to it, we can get in another session." Sara smiled and nodded yes. She had wanted to ask but didn't want to push. Grissom smiled back and walked out the door.

Nick had been standing beside Grissom when he smelled a familiar scent in the air. "Grissom, have you changed your shampoo or something? You smell well like vanilla."

Grissom stepped away and coughed. "I had to use one of those trial bottles this morning I had picked up because I ran out of my regular shampoo."

Nick nodded "Well I've done that before. It's just that it reminds me of S…"

"PIZZA" yelled Greg.

Grissom followed the others into the break room. Sara was there opening up the pizza boxes and handing out the paper plates.

"Hey Sar, no disrespect but if you feed us every night that you're gone, I'm going to wish you get suspended more often." Sara stuck her tongue out at Nick.

"Hey, it's unfortunate that Ecklie couldn't be here to join us" smiled Greg.

"Actually, I dropped off a couple of slices as a peace offering a little while ago" said Sara. This made Grissom smile. _I hope she didn't lace it with something. _

Catherine and Sara chatted together while the guys hovered over the pizza. Grissom was impressed that Sara had made a point of getting a special pizza made just for him.

Greg finally noticed this and looked at Sara. "Why did you get a whole pizza just for Grissom?" Grissom started to fidget.

Sara could see that Grissom was getting uncomfortable. "Greg, if Grissom had not spoken up for me then I wouldn't have a job right now. I think the least I can do is feed him pizza."

Grissom smiled back at Sara. _I'm going to have to rethink that poker comment. She's good at this. _ "Greg, since you are being so observant tonight why don't you collect fingerprints off that stolen bus we recovered."

"But, there must be hundreds of fingerprints on…"

Warrick and Nick laughed. "What does Sara usually tell you 'suck it up Greg.'?"

The others began to laugh. Sara said her goodbyes and left. As she hugged Nick, he smelled her hair and then it was as if a light bulb went off in his head. "Hey, Griss, now I know what your shampoo reminds me of." Grissom had already left the room. He remained in his office for the remainder of the shift.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

Sara paced the floor of her apartment. She had been watching the clock since the shift had ended. She calculated in her head the amount of time it would take Grissom to finish up, walk out of the lab to his vehicle, the length of time to drive from the lab to her place…

"He's late." _This is silly. He didn't give me an exact time he would be arriving. Perhaps he stopped over to change clothes, shower, or even get something to eat. Perhaps they have to work a double. _

Sara's heart sank. She had been looking forward to their "session." She had not been able to sleep that night. She had really tried. She had taken a nice soothing bubble bath and then relaxed on the bed with some soft music but the bed now felt empty without him there. She knew that he had only held her but just the memory of his body next to hers sent shivers down her back.

Sara sighed and began surfing the internet. She decided to shoot off some emails to the guys to see if they were indeed working over when she noticed she had mail. She smiled when she saw it was from Grissom.

Sara,

I hope you slept well last night. The shift was very quiet. No 419s to go out on so the gang has been able to get caught up on some cases. They were so excited that they are planning to crash your apartment around 9:00 for breakfast. I suggested that it was the least that we could do since you bought dinner for us. See you soon.

Gil

Sara had no sooner finished the email when there was a banging at the door. She peeked through the peep hole and of course they were all there snickering to one another. She composed herself. She looked down at her clothing and decided to quickly change back into sweats. She wanted to give the appearance that she had been asleep. She called from the bedroom that she would be there in a sec. She opened the door and they all piled into the living room

"This is a surprise guys." She looked around but Grissom was not to be seen with the others. The gang proceeded to set up the breakfast they had picked up. Sara was happy to be with them. They usually stopped off for breakfast at a local diner before heading home each morning. It had become a ritual and she was glad that they had remembered her.

"Thanks so much for breakfast. This is great. I wish I had known I would have gone out and picked up our regular Starbucks orders."

"No need. Grissom offered to do this since he was going to check on something in the lab before heading here" said Greg.

Sara smiled. There was a knock at the door so Sara jumped up to answer it. "Coffee must be here." She opened the door to find Grissom juggling the six coffees. She grabbed some just as he was about to drop them.

"Good morning Grissom" smiled Sara. _Careful not to call him Gil. This is going to take some work._

One by one the gang left. Grissom was the first to leave. Sara could feel her stomach lurch as he said goodbye to everyone. Sara sat in her apartment alone and stared at the walls. _This is going to be torture. I can't work. I can't sleep. I can't…_

Sara decided to take action. She grabbed her jacket and purse and headed out the door. She wasn't sure what she planned to do. If anything she could stake out his townhouse.

_That's it. I stake out. Sara, girl. You need therapy. No, I was told I would get a session today and I'm going to get it._

Sara stood on his doorstep. She started to knock but then changed her mind. _What if he's sleeping? I can't wake him up. _

She looked over the townhouse and tried to visualize the rooms inside. She had been here before with the gang when they were working on the serial rapist case. She remembered the location of the bedroom so she decided to walk around the house to peek inside the window. As Sara made it to the window, she realized she would have to stretch up in order to see inside. It was at that moment that she noticed her shoes had become marred in mud. She glanced down in disgust. The sprinkler system had been on that day and the ground was wet. The more she tried to move, the worst she became marred. _This is not good. What do I do now? Get a grip Sara. You're going to have to take your shoes off_. As she reached down, she noticed the head of one of the sprinklers was directly under the window. She started to step out of her shoes when she heard a noise behind. She tried to turn around but lost her footing and fell to the ground. Grissom smiled down at her. "Hi Sara."

"I'm glad you think this is funny" replied Sara as she sat on the wet ground.

"Well, I'm glad I looked out first and recognized your vehicle. When my neighbor called about a suspicious prowler by my bedroom window, I thought about bring my gun."

"You know, I was trying to be nice and check if you were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you" complained Sara who now could feel the wetness on her behind.

Grissom continued to grin as he watched her try to get up. When her struggling was unsuccessful, he offered his hand. As Sara started to take it, she heard a strange noise. She tried to warn him but it was too late. The water sprinkler came on and there they were showering together. Sara began laughing hysterically. The more she laughed the harder it was for Grissom to pull her up. Each time he bent down to assist, he would get a blast of water directly in the face.

The two reached the front of the townhouse completely soaked. Grissom tried to enter the home but then he stopped. He hung his head in despair. He had managed to lock himself out of the house. Sara noticed him rummaging through his pockets but when he did not produce his keys, she began laughing hysterically again.

"Sara, this is not funny. We are soaked. We are also locked out."

"Do you have an extra key?"

"I gave it my not so nosey neighbor who happens to be out of town." Grissom joined Sara who was sitting on the step.

"Well, we could call a locksmith or we could go back to the window and try to get in." Grissom smiled. He remembered he had opened the window the last night to let a bug out and hasn't bothered to lock it."

"Window. It's not locked."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Sara was shocked. "Grissom, why would you lock your door, if you don't lock your windows. Someone could come in and rob the place or worse kill you in your sleep"

Sara's temper was beginning to rise. She was just getting started when Grissom placed his hand on her arm.

"We can do this session later? Right now, let's get in."

Sara followed Grissom back to the window. The sprinkler system had shut back off but the ground was very slippery. Grissom reached up and opened the window. He smiled.

"Okay, I'll give you a boost up and once in you can unlock the front door."

Grissom put his hands together. She started to lift her foot up but then noticed the mud on her shoes so she kicked them off. She placed her bare feet on Grissom's cupped hands. When she lurched up toward the window, Grissom lost his footing and they both came crashing down. Despite the softness of the wet grass, the ground was hard beneath them. Grissom immediately rolled over to check to see if Sara had been injured.

At first he thought she was crying but then realized she was laughing hysterically again.

"I think this is the most I have ever laughed in one day. This is great therapy Griss… Gil."

Grissom grinned. "I'm glad you find this so amusing." They once again pulled themselves up. This time Grissom was able to leverage himself against the building and Sara made her way into the bedroom. He heard a loud crash and then a thump as Sara fell into the bedroom.

"Sara, are you alright?" There was silence.

"Sara!"

Sara came to the window and peered out. "How attached were you to that spider in the glass aquarium?"

"You landed on my tarantula!" Grissom's voice began to rise.

Sara smirked.

"Sara, you better not laugh about this"

Sara disappeared and within a minute she opened the front door. Grissom stepped inside.

_What else can happen? _

There was a knock on the door. Grissom closed his eyes and shook his head. He just had to ask. He opened the door to find a uniformed police officer standing there. Sara ducked into the bathroom. She tried to hide the giggling that was escaping her lips.

It took several minutes to convince the officer that he had broken into his own townhouse because he had locked himself out. He was still arguing the officer when Brass walked up.

"Jim, would you tell the officer that I live here?"

"I've never seen that man before in my life." Brass grinned as he looked at Grissom's face.

Brass relented and got the officer to leave. "Having a bad morning Gil?"

Grissom frowned. Brass could tell he was not welcomed into the house. He looked at Grissom's muddy wet clothes and began laughing. He tried to think of something clever but he couldn't stop laughing.

Grissom's frown continued. "I seem to be spreading cheer everywhere today." His soon to be exfriend couldn't seem to contain his laughter. "Good day Jim." Grissom started to close the door when Brass straightened his face and looked at Grissom. "Tell Sara I said hello and that she owes me a dinner this week. I have to hear her side of this. Don't worry your secret is safe with me. What are friends for?" Brass walked away chuckling before Grissom could reply.

Grissom could hear the shower going in the bathroom and so he went into the bedroom to find some dry clothes. Just as he finished changing, Sara came out wearing his robe.

_Things may be getting better._

Sara smiled when she saw Grissom blush. "If you have a washer and dryer, I can get our clothes cleaned. In the mean time, I thought it was best that I wear this. It is okay isn't it?"

"You probably look better in it. A little big but it will do."

"Well good, cause right now this is the only thing I'm wearing."

Grissom could feel his face turning red. Sara chuckled quietly.

Sara yawned as she placed the clothes in the dryer. Grissom had made some tea for her. She wondered if there was something in it since she had suddenly become very sleepy.

Grissom watched her yawn. He could see the appearance of dark circles and knew she had not slept. He too was tired. He needed to get some sleep as well.

"Sara, when was the last time you slept?"

She frowned.

"It's been a memorable morning but I think we both need some sleep. Let's postpone our session until another time."

He took her hand and led her to the bedroom. "You can have the bed. I don't mind crashing on the couch." Sara continued to frown.

"Gil, I promise I won't make any moves on you. We can share the bed."

"Ah, but there's the problem. I'm not sure I wouldn't make any moves. Night Sara."

He turned and left the room. Sara stood and waited. She heard him lay down on the couch and within minutes he was asleep. She shrugged her shoulders and climbed into bed. It smelled like Grissom. She clutched the pillow and covers up next to her skin. She inhaled his scent. She smiled as she drifted off to sleep.

She awoke to the sound of breathing next to her. She rolled over and found Grissom. She didn't know when he had joined her in the bed. She scooted over and hugged her body close to him. He wrapped his arms around her and she drifted off to sleep again.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

Sara awoke to the aroma of waffles. She looked around the room for a moment and then remembered how her morning had begun. The memories brought giggles again. She hadn't noticed Grissom standing in the doorway. She looked at him and smiled.

"I'm glad you still have your sense of humor. How would you like something to eat?"

Sara started to get out of bed but then realized she wasn't wearing anything. _What happened to the robe? _

Grissom grinned and left the room. "Better hurry before it gets cold."

Sara looked around the bed and found the robe lying on the floor. She had no idea how it had gotten there. She covered herself and then followed the wonderful smell.

As they sat eating, Sara was still baffled over the robe. _Did he… How much did he see? I don't remember anything. Surely I would remember if he… if we…_

Grissom continued to grin. When they had finished he placed the dishes in the sink.

"I'm afraid we are going to have to wait until after my shift for another session."

Sara could not stand it any longer. "Gil, do you know anything about how the robe ended up in the floor?"

He turned and grinned. "I removed it."

Before she could ask anything else, Grissom headed for the shower. She could hear him chuckling.

_Funny guy. Two can play at this game. He doesn't know who he's dealing with._

She continued to lounge on the couch looking at a book that Grissom had been reading. Just as Grissom entered the room, her cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID. It was Greg.

"Hi Greg. What's up?"

"You're kidding! When did this happen. This is too funny. How did you find out? He did. No, I actually wasn't listening to the scanner this morning. I wished I had. You're going to what? Are you sure that's a good idea? Nick and Warrick said it would be funny. Catherine too? I wish I could be there to see the look on his face. Hey Greg, I better go. Talk to you later."

Sara grinned. Grissom knew that she had just been told something that affected him.

"Out with it Sara."

"Out with what?"

"You first."

"I don't know what you mean." Grissom fidgeted.

"Do you know that every time you lie, you fidget."

"I do not lie."

"Okay, you withhold the truth."

Grissom was getting frustrated. "Okay, tell what it is you want me to tell you."

Sara smiled and said one word "robe"

Grissom smiled. "Last night I kept hearing you toss and turn. You kept getting tangled up in the robe. I merely helped you out. I disrobed you without waking you. I think you would do the same for me." Grissom crossed his arms in his best authoritative stance.

"Just what did you see?"

"Sara, it was dark. When I didn't wake you, I decided to sleep next to you just in case you had a nightmare."

Sara didn't know whether to believe him or not but she decided to let him off the hook.

Sara giggled "They are know that you locked yourself out of your house and the police thought you were a burglar."

Grissom rolled his eyes. "You know I am going to be the brunt of the jokes tonight."

"I wish I could go."

"Brass must have told them."

"Actually Hodges heard it on the scanner."

"Why does everyone listen to scanners?"

Sara continued to giggle. "Have a nice shift."

"What do you plan to do?"

"I plan to go back to my apartment and listen to the scanner."

Grissom made a face and headed to the door. "Well, lock up when you leave."

Sara got up and walked him to the door. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. He could still feel her delicate skin through the robe. _Should have made a move last night. _ It occurred to him that they had never kissed. He dropped his suitcase and took her fully in his arms. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly at first but the hunger took hold. They gasped at the power of just one kiss. He pulled away but kissed her on the forehead. "I don't have a forgiving boss like you do so I had better go."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve

Grissom sat in the break room with Brass. He had been the brunt of the jokes for the evening. He grinned as he remembered the incident himself. Only Brass knew that Sara was involved and he had threatened him with bodily harm if he told anyone.

"So, when are you going to fill me in on some very needed details" smiled Brass.

"I don't think you need to know anything else."

"I'm glad you finally came around to your senses. I care a lot about Sara so you better not do anything to hurt her" warned Brass.

"I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad you care for her also."

Grissom looked up as he saw a delivery guy carrying a package. He noticed the man was headed for his office.

"Better go see what that is."

Grissom got up and Brass followed. Grissom signed for the box and proceeded to open it. He smiled when he saw the contents. It was a big beautiful tarantula. Brass peeked in and cringed.

"Who did you piss off?"

"Sara."

Brass chuckled. "You're already in the dog house." He continued to chuckle as he waved goodbye and left.

Catherine came to the door and watched as Grissom lifted the tarantula out of the box and held him.

"Stop drooling Grissom. It's only a spider."

"He's new."

"I thought you had a spider."

"accident"

Catherine started to ask for details but then thought better of it. She motioned for the guys to come and see. Greg was the first to comment. "So Grissom, who's the new love in your life?"

Grissom's head flew up. He then composed himself. _He's talking about the tarantula._

He made a mental note to thank Sara for the gift.

The months went by and Sara and Grissom fell into a routine. He never knew he could enjoy working with her more than he did now. She was true to her word. She was more discreet that he when it came to hiding their relationship. They had decided to take it slow. It was difficult at times when they couldn't seem to break away from one another. To help, they had agreed to sleep at their own place.

Sometimes, rules needed to be broken. Whenever there was a domestic case, Grissom stayed over. He knew that it was these types of cases that triggered Sara's nightmares followed by a period of insomnia. The truth be told, they both slept better when they were together. Grissom was beginning to dislike the current arrangement. He wanted to wake up every morning next to Sara.

They had kept up with their sessions. There had been a few times when they had exchanged words but they kept their promise to resolve the problem before going to bed. One particular day they didn't go to sleep. It was night that everything changed. It was the night following the Adam Trent case.

Grissom leaned back in his office chair and closed his eyes. He felt a migraine coming. It had been awhile since he had to resort to medication but he knew that things were different. Once they had finished up the case, it was only then that he let himself truly think about what had transpired.

_What if we didn't get the door open? What if Adam had killed Sara? What if he had to stand there and watch her die?_

He threw the book he had tried to read down on the desk and it made a loud thud. He saw Sara standing in the doorway. She smiled and waved goodnight to him. "See you later."

He knew she intended to come to the town house after the shift. _ I don't want to see you tonight. I …._

He raked his hand through his hair. He needed to calm down but the more he thought about the events, the worst he became. He grabbed his stuff and left.

Grissom had only been home for a few minutes when he heard the front door open. He didn't need to turn around to know that it was Sara. He finished off his drink before turning around to face here. She started to walk toward him but she quickly sensed that something was wrong.

"Gil, are you okay?"

Grissom closed his eyes. "Sara, I think I'll pass on tonight if you don't mind."

Sara could hear the anger in his voice. She tried to replay the events of the day back in her head but she didn't know why his anger was directed at her.

"Gil, is there something wrong?"

"No. I just want to be left alone!"

Sara started to leave but the anger began to rise within her. _I am not going to let you shut me out. I am not going to leave until you tell me what I've done._

Sara stood there and refused to budge. She looked around the room and noticed the lights were turned down low. She took in the liquor bottle sitting on the counter. She wondered how many drinks he had already consumed.

"Rule number two Gil. You said…"

"I don't give a damn about rules Sara. This was a mistake. You've become a…"

Sara didn't let him finish. She walked over and took the glass away from him.

"If you are going to make an ass out of yourself then I want to make sure it's not the liquor's fault."

"I think you need to leave Sara."

"I am not leaving. A deal is a deal."

Grissom didn't know what to do. He had never been this angry before and he knew that Sara had a temper that would far exceed his. _I don't want to hurt you. Please let me work through this on my own._

Grissom reached for his car keys but she stopped him.

"How much alcohol have you consumed?"

He pulled away from her and headed for the door. Sara's eyes stung with tears. She fled to the door and blocked it. "Fine. If you want me to leave, I'll leave."

In an instant, she was gone. Once the room was silent, Grissom cursed at himself. He had done it again. He tried to reach her on the cell phone but she did not pick up. He walked over to the kitchen and fixed some coffee. It was going to be a long day.

He decided he would wait until she got home to try to call her again. When she did not answer, he drove over to her apartment but she was not there. He decided to wait in the Denali for her to show up. _She's gone for a drive to calm down. When she does, I will be waiting here for her. _


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

The hours passed and Sara did not return. Grissom attempted to call her but again there was no answer. He checked his watch and groaned. They would have to report to work soon. He pulled out of the drive and headed home.

Once he showered, he tried to eat something but his mind kept replaying their argument over and over. _I can be a heartless bastard sometimes._

The ringing of the phone brought him out of his thoughts.

"Grissom"

"Bastard"

"Hi Jim. Is Sara with you?"

"No she's not. What have you done?"

"What did Sara say?"

"Sara wouldn't tell me any anything. I saw her at the lab. It doesn't look like she's even gone home. When I tried to talk with her, she told me she had to get some work done. I could tell she had been crying even though she tried to conceal it. Stokes came in and persuaded her to go with him and get something to eat. He thinks it's because of the Adam Trent case but I know that it's your fault."

"You're right. It's my fault. Look Jim. I'm new at this stuff and I'm going to make mistakes."

"Have you ever thought that you might be running out of chances? Gil, don't make the same mistake I did by shutting out the one person who loves you. I've got to go. Remind me to give you that ass kicking you deserve."

Grissom tried to call Sara once more. He was surprised when Nick answered the phone.

"Nick, I was trying to reach Sara."

"She's in the shower right now. Grissom, I don't think she needs to work tonight."

Nick told Grissom about finding Sara in the lab and how she had not gone home that night. "I think its delayed stress syndrome. She seemed to be fine after the shift. If she had been upset, we wouldn't have left her. Grissom, I'm really worried about her."

"Nick, tell Sara there is no need for her to come in tonight. Once you think she is okay, you need to come in. I am going to be out of the office for most of the night and we'll be short."

Grissom went into the office and was surprised to see not only Nick but Sara as well. They were sitting with the others at the break room waiting on assignments. Grissom received an update on each of the open cases and then handed out the assignments for the night.

"Nick and Warrick, I need you to go back to the Holbrook crime scene. There a neighbor who states they need to show us something."

"Catherine and Greg, there's a 419 on the strip at Caesar's. It looks to be an overdose"

"Sara, go home."

Sara's eyes glared at Grissom. "I'm fine."

"You've been here for almost 36 hours. Go home. It wasn't a request, it's an order."

Sara got up and stormed out of the room. The others looked at Sara and then at Grissom.

"Grissom, you think one of us should follow her to make sure she gets home safe?"

Greg jumped at the chance. "I'll do it."

"That won't be necessary. I can follow Sara home. I'm headed that way" replied Brass who was standing at the door.

The others filed out of the room. Grissom was waiting for a lecture but instead he saw Brass motion for him to get up. "You better hurry up and follow her. Don't screw up this time."

Grissom drove to Sara's. He was relieved to see her car parked outside. He sat in the car for a moment and tried to rehearse what he would say. Grissom was exhausted. He needed to hold her. He needed forgiveness. He needed to strop screwing up.

He tried her on the phone while he sat outside but she did not answer. _This is not a good sign._

He got out and knocked on her door. He could hear her on the other side of the door.

"Sara, please let me talk with you."

"Go away Grissom."

"Rule number four, Sara." Silence.

"Please honey let me in." Silence

"Okay, if I have to stay out here on the doorstep then I will." Grissom waited. He heard Sara's phone ringing and the sound of her voice. _She likes somebody._

He could hear her voice crack and he knew that she was crying. "Sara, are you okay?"

He walked back and forth trying to figure out a way to get her to let him in. He overheard Sara telling someone she would give him another chance. He then heard the click of the door. As Grissom started to enter, he looked over his shoulder and he saw Brass sitting in his car. He waved his cell phone at Grissom and drove away. He realized Brass had called Sara and persuaded her to give him another chance. He made a mental note to thank his friend.

Grissom tried to hold Sara but she pulled away. He could tell she was exhausted. "Ready to start our session?"

"Go to hell, Grissom."

"Rule number one, two and four."

Sara turned away and headed for the couch. Grissom followed.

"Sara, I need to tell you why I was so upset."

"I'm listening."

"I'm sorry."

Sara closed her eyes and mentally started counting. Grissom sat and watched her. When he thought that she had counted enough, he began.

"Sara, I'm going to make mistakes. I'm not used to opening up to others and letting them know how I feel. I've never felt as helpless in my life as I did that night Adam held the knife on you. I stood there praying that he wouldn't hurt you. Once you okay, I wanted to fall apart. I couldn't. I went into work mode. Once I had time to reflect, I got scared. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you Sara. I don't' think I could handle that. I'm new at all of these feelings and I hate them. I became mad at you for letting yourself get caught by Adam. I know it could have been any one of us but it wasn't. It was you. I could sacrifice anyone but you."

"You broke our deal."

"It will never happen again. If I clam up, you can hit me with something. Better yet, you can call Brass. He already said he owes me an ass kicking. I am sure he will be glad to do it for you."

This made Sara smile despite the tears that ran down her face. Grissom cringed at the sight of her eyes. She had been crying for some time.

"Please Sara. Let me hold you. Please let me love you."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

He had never said those words to her. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to fall into his arms but her self preservation kicked in.

"I want to add some rules."

Sara got up and paced the floor. Grissom stood and watched. He knew the ball was in her court and he was willing to grovel if he had to.

"Name it."

"I don't like our arrangement."

Grissom had a sinking feeling in the bottom of his stomach. "Sara, if I have to grovel, I will."

"Rule number five. I don't like sleeping alone. If we can't sleep together then we don't need to be together."

Grissom smiled. "I agree."

"Rule number six. The person who hurts the other is on kitchen and toilet detail."

"I can live with that."

"Rule number seven. If you can't follow rule number two then no more chances."

The last one hung in the air. Grissom's stomach lurched. He knew he had really hurt her. He was scared by the ultimatum. He didn't want to lose her.

"Sara. I never meant to hurt you. I will never intentionally hurt you. I am so sorry." The remorse in Grissom's voice made Sara cry. He held her in his arms and she accepted him. He held her until her tears subsided and then he led her to the bedroom. They fell asleep their bodies entwined together. During the night, Grissom woke and found Sara sitting up in the bed. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"I'm fine. I didn't mean to wake you."

Grissom pulled her down to his side. He could feel her trembling. "Nightmares?"

Sara nodded. "I expected as much."

"Is that why you went into the office to avoid sleeping alone?"

Sara nodded again.

Grissom cursed under his breath. "Jim is right. I am a bastard."

"When Adam Trent pinned me down, I thought I wasn't going to live. I wasn't afraid to die. What hurt the most was the fear that you would go back into your cave and never come out again. Gil, if anything should happen to me, promise me you won't do that."

Grissom held her tight. He felt tears on his face only this time they were not Sara's but his. He loved her so much. He had loved her for so long and he had wasted so many years being afraid to love. "I won't promise you that Sara. I won't."

"PROMISE me!" Sara cried as she hit him on his chest with the palms of her hands.

"I won't."

He held her hands and kissed her longingly. Sara gently stroked his face. She touched his face and felt the tears. She gently kissed each one. "I love you, Gil."

"I love you, Sara with all my being."

They were never the same after that night. It was the first time they took their relationship to the next level. It was not planned just as they had agreed. Grissom spent the remainder of the night making love to Sara. He showed the depths of his love through his gentle approach to their lovemaking. Sara knew that this marked a special turn in their relationship. She snuggled up close to Grissom and closed her eyes. She wasn't afraid of the nightmares any more. She knew she would never be alone again.

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	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen:

"I don't like it any more than you do Sara but my hands are tied right now." Grissom could feel a migraine coming on. He closed his eyes as he leaned back on the couch.

"Giving yourself a migraine is not going to make you feel any better Gil." Sara disappeared into the kitchen only to return with his medication. He didn't protest when she handed him the glass of water.

"I should have done something about Ecklie a long time ago. I don't like my team split up." Sara pushed him back and made him lie down on the couch.

They had been discussing this for hours. No one was happy with the split. Grissom felt responsible. Sara noticed just how much Grissom held in his feelings during office hours but once they were in the sanctity of their home, it was like a flood gate being lifted. She smiled at the progress he had made over the months. His migraines were getting fewer and fewer. Even Grissom realized that holding in his emotions all those years had cost him physically. He was surprised he didn't have ulcers. Sara wasn't too sure about that. She kept on him to visit with his doctor regularly. She all but dragged him into the last check up. He remembered how their last session had begun.

"Sara, I'm not sick. I'm too busy to waste a day at the doctor's office."

He knew she had planned this whole session around him. He inwardly cursed because it was her turn and there was no way to avoid it. He had been true to his word about honoring the rules. He just didn't like it at times.

"Gil, did you read that article I gave you? Men your age need to have an annual physical each year and that includes a proctologist exam."

"I have Ecklie to cover that area."

Sara made a face. Grissom began to cower. _She's starting to count. That's not a good sign. I need an aversion._

"Honey, how about we go out tonight. We can take a long drive and eat at that out of the way rest..."

"Forget it Gil. We are going to finish this right now."

Grissom sighed. He knew she would be calling the next day and setting up the appointment. And she did just that. She had even driven him to make sure he got there. There was not ducking out of it, not with Sara around. He loved her very much.

She was good for him. She made him face his emotions each night. There was no clamming up. There was no way to avoid it. Initially she would have to start the sessions but here lately he couldn't wait to get home and begin the discussion, at least when the discussion wasn't about doctors.

Despite the breakup of the team, Grissom kept a level head about it. Sara made sure of that. Over time, the awkwardness wore off and the staff adjusted but it wasn't the same. Grissom was determined to force management to rectify the problem. The gang stayed in contact by keeping their daily rituals of meeting for breakfast or dinner. It was these moments that Grissom was happy about his work. He never realized how much everyone meant to him. He took a lot for granted over the years but now all that had changed thanks to Sara.

Brass and Sara had become an inseparable pair during work hours. Grissom would often see the two huddled together whispering to one another. Brass had a way with nodding his head at Grissom and then smiling. He often wondered what they were talking about. Brass loved to hear stories about how Sara had bested Grissom in an argument. There were times he was jealous of their open relationship. The others knew that Brass and Sara were close. He often wondered what their reaction would be if they really knew the truth about them. One day he overheard a conversation from Hodges to another associate that Sara may be dating Brass. He chuckled silently over that but then the thought made him mad. _His Sara wouldn't give Brass the time of day. His Sara..._

Grissom smiled. He liked the ring of that. _At least it will be me holding her, making love to her… _

There were other times he had gotten a bit jealous. He remembered the time Sara and Greg had entered a home that was feared to have biochemical hazardous toxins. Both had to be stripped of their clothing and washed down in a sterile environment. He had caught the tail end of their discussion in the hallway one afternoon. Greg assured Sara that he had not peaked at her nude body while they were in the shower but Sara admitted to seeing everything. He wondered if she was just teasing. He wondered if Greg was lying. He put the thought aside to save for a session.

Then there was Nick. Sara always smiled for Nick. She even had a pet name for him, "Nicky." They had used to go to dinner a lot or stay in for a movie at her place. She was always so comfortable around him. One night, Grissom asked her about Nick. She laughed when she thought he was a bit jealous. "Being jealous over Nick is like being jealous over someone's sibling. Nick is the closest thing I have to a brother. He misses being around his sisters. He always confided in them so I'm a substitute." Grissom had regretted bringing up the subject but Sara was flattered. _That's my Sara._

Grissom did not realize the amount of time he had spent mulling over these thoughts in his mind when he got the call. Nick was missing.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

The past few hours had been grueling on everyone. They received the USB flash drive and each had been monitoring Nick in the plexiglass coffin. Grissom had been working with Ecklie to try to get the million dollar ransom. Catherine didn't want to take any chances so she asked her father for the money. She knew he could afford it. Grissom however worried how this would look to the media but right now, this was their only chance to pay the ransom. Each hour had been nerve racking for everyone especially Sara. He could see her resolve starting to crack. He knew how much Nick meant to Sara. For the past hour or so he was able to keep her preoccupied by going through the evidence rather than monitor Nick. Warrick had taken up that post. Grissom was worried that Nick would use the gun on himself if he thought all was lost. He didn't want Sara to see that.

Sara checked the last report from Hodges and decided to run it over to Grissom. She could hear Warrick's agitated voice from the hallway. As she quickened her pace, she could hear Warrick shouting "Don't do it Nicky" and then the sound of a gunshot. Sara froze. She dropped the report and ran. Grissom saw her brisk exit and ran to the doorway.

"Warrick"

"Nicky's fine. He shot out the light. It must have been bothering him. He just lit up a light stick. For a moment I thought he had…" Warrick started to finish his statement but he noticed Grissom was gone.

Grissom searched the lab but couldn't locate Sara. He remembered she once told him how she would go down to the morgue to visit with Doc Robbins. He was relieved to find her standing just inside the doorway. Grissom walked up to her and she collapsed in his arms. She began to sob uncontrollably.

"Sara, Nicky is fine. He didn't shoot himself. He was just shooting out the light."

Her sobs subsided and she tried to get a hold of her emotions but it was so difficult watching him suffer in the coffin.

"Sara, we're going to find him. Catherine will be arriving with the ransom soon and I'm going to deliver it."

"No! Please Gil. Let someone else do it. I don't want to lose you."

"Sara, it's going to be okay. The kidnapper only wants the money. Nothing is going to happen to me."

"You don't know that!"

"Sara, I have to do this."

She pulled away and wiped the tears from her eyes. She knew that she would do the same thing in order to save Nick. It didn't bring her any comfort.

"Promise me, you'll be careful."

"I promise. Besides I'm not ready for Jim to replace me."

The statement made Sara smile. He guided her out of the door and back towards the lab. Neither had noticed Doc Robbins standing nearby. He grinned and went back to work.

The money drop did not go as planned. Walter Gordon was determined to let Nick die as well as him. His words still echoed in Grissom's head.

"How much does Nick mean to you? When you see him in the coffin do you feel helpless, useless, impotent? Welcome to my world."

Grissom barely had enough time to duck out of the way before the bomb exploded. One hundred dollar bills floated into the air. The crime scene was total chaos. The others tried to locate Nick but he could not be found.

Brass called Sara to let her know that Grissom had not been injured in the explosion. It seems the hours were passing too quickly. With Gordon now dead, they weren't sure how much air Nick had left in the coffin. They would have to start over with their evidence if they were going to find him.

It was Grissom who took notice of the type of ants covering Nick's body. They were able to determine where this type of ant colonized in the area and then cross referenced this to the different sites of employment for Gordon's daughter. It was a long shot that paid off. Sara was so proud of the way Grissom was able to calm Nick down. He called him Poncho, which was a nickname given to Nick by his father. _He would make a good father someday. _ Sara shelved the thought aside for a session.

When they were able to free Nick, Grissom realized how much he missed his team. He needed them back and he would not take no for answer. "I want my guys back" said Grissom in earshot of Ecklie. Ecklie did not argue. They stood and watched as the ambulance drove away. Catherine and Warrick stayed overnight at the hospital with Nick. They sensed he did not want to be alone. Sara and Grissom stopped by to check on him. Once Sara was able to talk with him and hold his hand, she knew he was going to be alright.

They were relieved when they arrived at the townhouse that night. Despite their lack of sleep, neither was ready to turn in for the night. Grissom leaned back in the couch as Sara curled her body up next to his. This had been the hardest case to work. Grissom prayed they would never have to experience anything like this again.

They talked about their fears of losing Nick that night. Grissom had never thought about how fond he was of Nick. The "what ifs" kept playing again and again in his head. He closed his eyes in hopes that it would help shut his brain down to the events of the last 36 hours but there was no peace. Sara kissed him on the cheek. She noticed the minor cuts and bruises he had sustained from the blast. Gently she kissed them one by one. _You were too close tonight. You could have been killed. _She bit her lower lip. She knew he was exhausted. He had been strong for both of them tonight.

Grissom hugged her closer to him. She led him to the bedroom and helped him undress. They laid there in silence until Grissom whispered in her ear "Would you really replace me with Jim?"

Sara poked him in the ribs and he flinched. She removed the covers and she gasped at the multiple bruises and cuts. Grissom grinned. "I bet I know what our next session will be about." Sara began to count but Grissom had already fallen asleep. She kissed him on the forehead and snuggled up close to him. The session could wait.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen.

"Sara, you've been going to the hospital day and night. Nick's is going to be fine."

Sara rolled her eyes. The last three mornings had begun like this. "Gil, I know he's okay physically but I just want to make sure he gets back into his regular routine. One of which is having me around to talk to. You know, before we started our sessions, Nick and I would often spend evenings together. I miss having him around."

"Well, there's not enough room in our bed for another person. I guess I'll have to get used to sharing you." Grissom pulled her into an embrace and kissed her softly. Sara liked these moments. She wrapped her arms around him and began to caress his back.

"Sara, I don't think we have time for this. We need to get showered and out the door soon."

"How about we multi- task this morning?"

Grissom grinned. He loved taking showers with Sara. It was a cleansing experience. She started to giggle as he pushed her into the shower and turned the water on. They stood there drenched in their clothing. Grissom continued to assault her neck with kisses.

"We're going to have to work on your multi-tasking" giggled Sara.

Sara was happy that Nick was being released from the hospital. She patted his knee as they drove away. "I bet you're glad to be getting out of there."

"I appreciate you taking the time to pick me up. Warrick offered but a pretty lady is such good medicine for the soul."

Sara smiled. Nick was such a sweet guy. She wished he would find someone to love. _As long as I approve. _ She snickered at the thought. Nick looked at her strangely but she just smiled.

"Speaking of medicine, I noticed you have a couple of prescriptions that need to be filled. How about I swing by the pharmacy first?"

"That would be great. You sure it's not an inconvenience?'

"Anything for my Nicky."

Sara stopped him as he was about to get out of the car. "There's no need. I'll be back in a few minutes" and with that she was gone. Nick leaned back in the seat. Sara was a neat freak. Everything was neatly placed in her car. "not a speck of dust" commented Nick.

He glanced in the back seat and saw her dry cleaning lying in the back seat. He happened to notice the dress lying on top. It was a pretty black dress with a low cut in the front. He whistled at the thought of Sara wearing it. He looked around to see if Sara was returning and when he didn't see her in sight, he rummaged through the garments. "Sara has some knock out outfits here. Any man's head would turn at the sight of her in this." Then he noticed it. A man's shirt was the fourth item. Initially Nick thought it was mix up at the drycleaners and he made a note to let Sara know when he recognized the shirt. He had seen Grissom wear it. He looked around and still there was no sign of Sara so he dug some more and discovered three more shirts that belonged to Grissom. Nick smiled. He smiled and smiled as if he were a cat that had just eaten a canary! _Sara and_ _Grissom._ Now there was a pair. He had hoped that Grissom would come to his senses about Sara. "I bet it was the black dress!" chuckled Nick. He saw Sara returning and he quickly returned the seat to the upright position. He didn't intend to say anything unless Sara wanted him to know.

Note: are you keeping track of who knows the secret of their relationship?? Please give a review.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen:

"You should have seen him Gil. He was determined to find that little girl alive. I was afraid we were going to recover a body but not Nicky. I can't help but worry about him sometimes. He wears his feelings on his sleeve. I think it helped him to be the one to find her. I think he would have felt guilty for being found alive but then finding someone so young dead."

Grissom nodded as he listened to Sara recall the day's events. He loved to watch her brush her hair. He loved the scent of her hair. He remembered there were times he would purposely lean down close to her just so he could smell her hair. She would get distracted from something important she was trying to tell him but he didn't care. He just wanted to be near her. He still wanted to kick himself for wasting all those years. He had kept himself at a distance from her when all he had to do was reach out and he could have had her a long time ago. He grabbed her and brought her close to him. "I'll just have to make up for lost time." He didn't realize he had said it aloud until Sara looked at him. She had gotten used to his strange comments. She slid her arms around his neck and began to kiss him. He cherished these moments with her. Just to touch her was like heaven.

"Gil, we need to start dinner or we aren't going to get to bed any time soon."

"Let's eat in tonight."

"I thought that's what we were going to do."

Grissom grinned and pulled her into the bed. She giggled as they made their way under the covers. "I could eat in" she smirked.

"Good, let's go straight to dessert." Sara again giggled as Grissom descended upon her.

Later that night, Sara recalled the conversation she had with Nick. She remembered telling him to be careful about the search. She had been afraid that the little girl would be found dead. Nick had looked into her eyes and said "I was found." She wanted to take him into her arms but she decided it wasn't the place nor the time to break down. She told him the first thing that popped into her head. "It wasn't your time." Sara had felt a cold chill run down her back after making that comment. She didn't like the thought of losing any of them in such a tragic way. They had become her family. The only real family she had ever known.

"I hope I die before you." Said Sara as she rolled onto her stomach and looked at Grissom.

"Where did that come from?"

"I was just thinking how hard it would be to lose any of you, especially you."

Grissom smiled and kissed her hand. "You know the odds are you will survive me. I am much older than you and…"

He could see that Sara had closed her eyes. "You're not counting are you?"

"Yep."

"Sara, you have to admit…"

She opened her eyes and began to count aloud. "one, two…"

Grissom kissed her hard on the lips and she giggled. "I take it this is one session you refuse to discuss?"

"I can think of better things we can do with our time. Don't you?"

Sara pulled him under the covers. He liked the way her mind worked.

Little did they know what was about to happen. The next day, Jim Brass was shot.

The team looked in horror as Jim lay in the hospital bed. It had been a miracle that he had survived the surgery. Grissom had the unfortunate duty of making the medical decisions. Brass had given him power of attorney years ago in the event that this should ever happen. Sara paced the hallways of the hospital. Her tears flowed freely. She didn't care who noticed. Brass was like a close friend and father figure to her. She cringed at the idea of losing him. She also worried about Grissom. He had walked the floors of the townhouse weighing the pros and cons of the surgery. She knew that if Brass died, he would blame himself. Then there was the added burden of Ellie. Sara wanted to slap her when she appeared to be more concerned about what she would inherit if Brass died. Some daughter she was! There had been tense moments at the hospital. There had been a moment when the alarms had gone off in Jim's room. Grissom tensed as he watched his friend fight for his life. Sara instinctively went to his side. She wanted to hold him; she wanted to touch him but there were prying eyes. She withdrew instead and walked away.

Grissom cursed at the secrecy of their relationship. He knew that Sara was hurting but he could not comfort her. For a moment he thought of giving it all away by holding her but he knew she did not want their secret out.

Once Jim was out of danger, a serious session erupted one night over this topic.

"I don't want anyone to know" demanded Sara.

"Sara, I don't like the lies. I don't like treating you one way and then another. You of all peopled should be tired of this from me. I did it for so long as a means of protection. It almost cost me my chance with being with you." Grissom ran his hands through his hair.

"Gil, if we bring this out into the open, then one of us has to leave. I will not take you away from the others and I can't bear to lose you guys" Sara had begun to sob. He closed his eyes in agony. He hated to see her cry.

He held her and hushed away the tears. He tried to get her to reason with him but he knew she was not ready. He knew Sara better than she knew herself. Sara hated change. He would have to get her to accept this gradually. He could wait.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen:

"These miniature replicas are getting to you. No one expects you to be able to figure this out over night."

"Sara this person is a serial killer. This person is not going to go away."

"You've identified other serials in the past and when the time comes, you will be able to do the same with this psycho. What is it you used to say about following the evidence?"

Grissom hated it when she tried to use his own words against him. He had been frustrated because Ecklie and the others expected the lab to come up with a name but this guy was too smart. Grissom refused to give out much detail for fear there would be copy cat killings.

Sara pulled him close to her and held him. She didn't know how to comfort him. She had never seen him so worked up about a case. There had been many times that Grissom did not come home after a shift. She would wait for a couple of hours and then she would call him. He would always apologize for losing track of time. She had watched him at work reviewing every detail of the cases. He would sit for hours and stare at the models.

She watched him now as he was still deep in thought. Sara got up and began to undress. Grissom suddenly stared at her. "Sara, why are you removing your clothes in the living room?"

"I thought it would be nice to be different."

Grissom grinned. He watched as she removed every stitch of clothing. She stood there for a moment smiling down at him. He pulled her down into his lap. She kissed his neck and softly blew into his ear. He began to come unhinged. "Sara, shouldn't we move this to the bedroom?"

Sara began to undress Grissom. "I'm comfortable right here. Aren't you?"

She chuckled as Grissom threw off his remaining clothes. He reveled in the feel of her skin against his. Long after their lovemaking, he smiled. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to visualize anything else in that room besides their lovemaking. He grinned at how accomplished Sara was at distraction.

It had certainly worked on him. He loved her. She made him complete. He always wanted to protect her from harm. He could not remember how he ever got by before she came into his life. He noticed that she had fallen asleep beside him so he gently picked her up and carried her to bed.

Sara awoke that afternoon to find a note on the bedside table. Grissom had left her something to eat in the oven. He had gone ahead to the lab to catch up on some paperwork. She frowned. She enjoyed waking up next to him. It was not hard to convince Grissom to shower with her. She loved the way he meticulously washed her hair gently rubbing his hands through her hair as he washed it. He would then spend the next hour drying it while planting kisses along her neck. Just the thought of his hands upon her body made her tremble. Her thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of her phone.

"Wake up sleepy head and get in here."

"You could have stayed and done my hair."

"If I had stayed I would have done more than that. Don't forget to eat. I think it's going to be a busy shift."

It seems someone was going around beating up innocent victims just for the fun of it. They determined that the beatings were done by a gang. The problem was there were lots of gangs in Las Vegas. Greg had been in a particularly good mood. He had testified in his first case which he called a "slam dunk." Sara smiled at his behavior. There were times when Greg acted like a teenager. She envied his way with people.

He was always outgoing and well liked in the lab. From the moment Sara had taken him under her wing, Greg had become infatuated with her. Grissom had often referred to it as a "teenage crush" but she didn't mind. She liked his eagerness to learn and the boy was smart. She knew there were times when he would get on Grissom's nerves but she always thought his antics were hilarious. Whenever she was down she could count on Greg to make her smile. That was the type of person Greg was and she loved him for it. Sometimes the guys would hassle Greg but Sara knew that one look from her and Nick would get Warrick to stop.

She couldn't believe it when the call came in that an officer was down. She was terrified when she realized it was Greg. When she arrived on the scene, she held her breath at the site of Greg's body. He had been severely beaten but yet he was giving out orders on how to preserve the evidence.

"Sara, there are skin cells under my nails. Be sure to check there. One of them spit on me so check for saliva on my jacket. There should be paint transfer on the Denali. I hope Grissom doesn't kill me over the Denali."

Sara yelled at the paramedics to get Greg to the hospital ASAP. He just smiled at her trying to pretend he wasn't in any pain. She squeezed his hand and tried to think of something funny but all she could think about was that he could have died.

Greg just continued to smile at her and jokingly asked "you think they will turn on the sirens for me on the way? I always wanted to go in an ambulance with the sirens blaring. Nick and made it sound so cool."

"I'll make sure they do."

Grissom watched as Sara sat beside Greg and tried to get him to see how his decision had saved Stanley Tanner and that he should not dwell on the death of Demetrius James. "He made that choice when he ran with the wrong crowd, Greg. He wouldn't have blinked an eye if he had killed you. It was all sport to them. They didn't care who they hurt or killed. You're not like them. I won't let you beat yourself up for doing the right thing. Any one of us would have made the same decision you did that night."

Greg swiped at his eyes and turned away. Sara hugged him and then she whispered something in his ear. Greg began to laugh. "No way" he commented.

"I'm game if you are" said Sara.

Greg smiled and then slid over. Sara got in bed with him and they began to watch TV. You really mean I can tell the guys that we were in bed together?"

"Yep, I can't wait to see Nicky's face."

Greg continued to smile but then he stopped and looked at her. "He won't beat me up will he?"

Sara laughed and the conversation was turned to the TV station.

"Hey Sara, you think they will ever do a TV show about our jobs?"

"Who would watch something like that? Get real Greg!"

Greg shrugged and added "It would be cool!"

"Let's just stick with Sponge Bob, okay?"

Grissom chuckled as he stepped away from the door. He decided he would visit another time. Sara was doing a good job at distracting Greg.

_She would make a good mother _ thought Grissom. He wondered if he should tell Sara this. He shrugged the thought off. _One change at a time._


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter twenty:

"I just think you shouldn't be so hard on him Gil. Greg is going through a rough time right now. He's really scared about the inquest. You need to talk with him about getting his own private attorney. We both know the department will throw him under the bus the first chance they get. Greg is too trusting."

"Sara, if I promise to talk with Greg will you please sit down in the tub. I don't think I want to explain to the paramedics how you slipped and broke your neck."

Sara made a face and returned to a sitting position. Grissom began to wash her back.

She loved how he cared for her. The warm baths always seemed to make her sleepy. She had laughed when Grissom initially refused to bathe with her. She recalled their first conversation on the subject.

"Sara, lavender is not a manly scent. If you want me in the tub with you then you can't put that stuff in there."

"Gil, if you want to make love tonight, I suggest you get in the tub."

Grissom obliged. It was one thing that Grissom would never turn down. She mused over his weakness.

Tonight, however, Grissom's mind was back on the miniature killer. There had been another killing and once again another replica had been found. This time they had been able to link it to a suspect by the name of Ernie Dell. Before he could be arrested he sent Grissom a video email. He confessed to the crimes and then shot himself to death while Grissom watched.

This was the second time Grissom had to stand by and watch someone commit suicide. Still, the miniature cases bothered Grissom. Something inside told him that Ernie Dell did not commit the murders. Perhaps he had a helper. Something just didn't feel right to Grissom. He had decided that while he was away he wouldn't think about the miniature killings.

He didn't like the fact that he would be leaving tomorrow. He had broached the subject so many times but couldn't bring himself to tell her. He knew she would be hurt. Grissom thought the lecture job would be a great opportunity to get his feet back into teaching. He had wanted to explain to her why he needed to get away but then again he wasn't sure himself. Tonight she wasn't making it easy.

_Did she notice the flight arrangements scribbled on the desk mat or the suitcases packed in the hall closet?_

_Sara got out of the tub and put on her robe. Grissom followed. She went into the kitchen and began to make some tea. Grissom watched as she avoided his eyes._

_"How long have you known that I was leaving?" __There it's out in the open._

_"I'm an investigator. It's my job to notice these things but as your…. Whatever I am I expected you would discuss this with me." He could tell she was upset. She had been hiding it since they had gotten home. __She's probably been waiting for me to tell her. I bet she's counting and I am a dead man walking._

_Grissom waited until she sat down at the table to join her. He tried to take her hand but she refused. _

_"Sara, A chance for a lecture position became available and so I decided to take it. It's only for a couple of weeks. There's a man by the name of Keppler who will coming to the office tomorrow so I can show him the lab before I …"_

_"Before you leave without discussing any of this with me?"_

_"I've tried to tell you but something always came up. I know how you hate change so I thought if I waited a few days before my departure you wouldn't dread the goodbye so much."_

_"That is so kind of you. Well, goodbye." She got up and went into the bedroom. Grissom sighed as he looked toward the bedroom. This was not how he wanted it to be. Part of him wanted to march in there and tell her he was doing it for them. He wanted to see if he could still lecture. He wanted to see if he enjoyed it as much as working in the lab. He knew that some day one of them or perhaps even both of them would want to leave the lab. He didn't want Sara to have to choose. _

_ If he found another job he liked, he could leave and they could come out into the open about their relationship. Perhaps that was what he was trying to do. He was trying to give them some options about their relationship. He didn't want to keep it quiet forever. He wanted to move forward in their relationship but he wasn't sure if Sara did. He wanted to marry her. He was an old fashioned guy with old fashioned values. He didn't just want to live together he wanted her as his wife. Despite waiting for him to come around after all these years, he didn't feel she wanted to commit._

_ He felt that she was afraid that one day he wouldn't love her anymore. Of course the idea was absurd but Sara had been hurt so many times in the past she was commitment shy. He wanted to talk with her to tell her his feelings but sometimes the words just would not come. He didn't know why it was so hard for him to express his feelings to her. He wasn't sure if Sara would understand this. She was too hurt that he was leaving. Hell, he didn't want to leave either. The thought of sleeping without her made his stomach lurch. _

_He walked into the bedroom intending to find her in bed but instead she was fully dressed. _

_ "Where are you going?"_

_"Out"_

_"Sara, I think we need to talk about this."_

_"We talked. You're leaving to lecture for several weeks. That's it."_

_"You haven't given me a chance to…."_

_"Oh, there's more. Okay let's hear it."_

_"Actually I have to show you. Wait right here." Sara heard Grissom leave the house but he returned a few minutes later. Her mouth fell open when she saw the dog._

_"What is that?"_

_"This is your new companion for the next several weeks. I didn't want you to be lonely so I adopted this boxer. His name is Bruno."_

_The dog looked as Sara and bound over to the bed and began licking Sara's face. She smiled at him and scratched him behind the ears. Grissom was glad she liked the dog. He was afraid he was going to have to send him back. He was afraid that he and the dog would be in the doghouse out back._

_"Sara, if you will give me a minute to try to explain."_

_"I don't want to talk about this."_

_"I hope you bought things for the dog."_

_Well at least she's talking to me. __Grissom went to the closet and pulled out the contents of the shopping bag. _

_"I have everything we need."_

_Sara scanned over the contents. Grissom had been thorough about the needs of the dog. __He can relate to a dog but not his… I'm not sure what I am. _

_"What about dog food?"_

_"In the kitchen pantry. I have also arranged with Mr. Baker to come by whenever you have to work late and take care of Bruno so you don't have to worry if you have to pull a double. Just give him a call. His dog likes playing with Bruno." _

_Grissom came and sat down beside Sara. She took his hand into hers. He took her palm and kissed it. __She's extending that olive branch. God, I love her!_

_"Where's he going to sleep?"_

_"Anywhere he wants to as long as I get first dibbs next to you. He's to keep you company honey, not replace me."_

_"Dogs are very loyal, you know. They aim to please their owners. They are very smart and caring."_

_Is she comparing me to Bruno? __Grissom was deep in thought when Sara got up and started for the door._

_"Sara, where are you going?"_

_"For a run. Come on Bruno. I have a lot of built up energy I want to blow off."_

_"I can think of a way to use that extra energy, right here, right now." Grissom patted the bed._

_Sara turned and kept on walking. Grissom's shoulders slumped. __She's turning me down on my last night._

_She started to walk out of the bedroom but instead flipped off the switch. Grissom could hear her removing her clothes. He laid back and felt her skin upon his. He was going to miss this. For a moment, he wanted to cancel the lecture. This was going to be painful. He wondered how many sleepless nights they would each endure before he returned. He worried about her. She often neglected herself in order to work or care for someone else. He would have to get Jim to check in on her. _

_Bruno had decided to take up residence on the living room couch. They took advantage of their last night together. Neither of them wanted to sleep. He was surprised when Sara did not cry. He wondered if she too needed some space and couldn't bring herself to tell him. __What if she's getting tired of me? What if she's happy I'm leaving? __ The "What ifs" continued to dance around in his head. He grabbed her forcibly and began kissing her as if it would be the last time she would ever let him touch her. _

_ He felt her tense and he eased on his attack of her body. "Sara, I'm sorry if I hurt you." She didn't respond verbally but joined his attack. She too felt like it would be their last time together. Her heart ached but she wasn't going to cry. There would be plenty of nights to cry. Tonight she only wanted to love and be loved. __What if he's tired of me? What if he's happy that he's leaving? __Sara closed her eyes and fought back the tears. _

_Grissom didn't recall when they had fallen asleep. The alarm clock had been ringing for some time before he reached over and shut it off. His hand stretched out over the bed and he noticed Sara had been replaced by Bruno. She had left a note but Bruno had gotten to it first. Grissom pulled the soggy note from his paw._

_"Gone to work early. I've taken care of Bruno. Be sure to pack your medicine before you leave. S."_

_Grissom made his rounds with Keppler. He knew there were rumors flying around that he did not intend to return. He wondered if Sara felt the same way. Nick had actually hugged him. He squashed that rumor at least with Nick who seemed a bit embarrassed._

_He wanted to tell Nick to take Sara out but then he knew that it would only draw suspicion. He turned away before his emotions gave himself away. He had searched for Sara all morning but she had been out in the field. He knew that she had been hiding from him. Just as he had given up hope that he would be able to see her before he left, he spotted her in the locker room. _

_"My cab is here."_

_"So, you're really going."_

_"Yes."_

_She turned to continue taking the contents out of her locker. Grissom looked around to see if anyone was nearby. When he felt it was safe, he came closer._

_"I'm going to miss you."_

_Sara only nodded. He wasn't sure what to make of it and his time was up. He had to leave. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her one more time. Instead, he turned and left. _

_Sara hurried to her car before she broke down in tears. __I should have told him. He's gone now and I'm left here to worry if he's coming back and if I may be pregnant…_


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty one:

"Sara, calm down. Tell me what's wrong." He cursed at Grissom under his breath. His coffee spilled on his lap when he heard Sara's reply. Brass had just been handed a bomb shell and he was not the man to handle female things.

"Are you sure?" Brass rolled his eyes. "Sara, honey, just how late are you?" Sara replied. Brass spilled his coffee again. "Okay, you need to take one of those tests."

Brass glanced down at this shirt and pants. I'm going to have to go back home and change. Finally he decided to pull over. "Sara hold on for a moment. Brass stopped the car and assessed the damage. I'm sending Grissom the dry cleaning bill.

"Okay, back to those tests things. Do you have one?" Sara replied. "Don't worry. Go to work. I'll bring one over to the townhouse when shift is over so you can take it. I'll be with you the whole time. Okay?" He smiles as he hears Sara's voice calm. I should have given him an ass kicking before he left.

Sara avoided everyone during the shift. She had heard the constant rumors floating around about Grissom's departure. One rumor had Grissom meeting an unidentified woman for a romantic fling. Boy, if they only knew! He's not meeting, he's running. Another rumor was that Grissom had grown tired of the job and wanted to retire. He never said anything to me but then again he didn't even bother to tell me he was going to leave.

And then there was the rumor that Grissom was following a lead on the miniature killings; everyone knew that Grissom was not satisfied with the conclusion of the case. He wouldn't do that alone? He wouldn't put himself in harm's way. Sara remembered another serial case in which Grissom had followed up on a lead and it almost cost him his life. If Catherine had not followed him, he would be dead. The rumors made Sara's head hurt.

Brass sat in front of the drug store. He berated himself for telling Sara he would pick up the pregnancy test. What do I know about these thingsHow hard can it be? His ex had sent him many a time for those female items and he had managed to waddle through it.

Brass rolled his eyes when he saw the different choices. He saw a young woman with three children and pulled her aside. "Can you please pick out a pregnancy test for my… my daughter?" The woman smiled and handed him an item. Brass paid for it and headed to his destination.

Brass knocked several times on the bathroom door but there was no answer. He could hear Sara crying. "Sara, please come out and talk with me. We can get through this, I promise."

Sara opened the door and sat on the bed. "I take it the test was positive."

"Negative."

Brass was confused. "If it's negative then that means you're not pregnant. Right?"

Sara nodded her head. Brass then realized Sara had been hoping she was pregnant. He wanted to kick Grissom again.

"Sara, I'm sorry. I didn't know you wanted to be pregnant."

"I didn't. I had… we hadn't planned this but if I was late then I had hoped. Oh I don't know what I wanted." said Sara sniffling.

"It's okay. How about we go get some breakfast? I know the gang would want you to show up this morning." Sara declined. He took a long look at her and didn't like what he saw.

"Have you been sleeping? How about I fix you a nice breakfast here?" Sara declined again.

"How about a drink?" Sara got up and headed for the bottle they kept over the kitchen. It was primarily wine for cooking but she didn't care. She poured herself a glass and then handed Brass a beer that she found in the fridge.

"He's coming back, Sara. You know that right?"

"I don't care if he does or not."

"You don't mean that right now. You're just upset about him leaving."

Bruno who had been playing in the back yard bounded up to the glass door and begged to get in. Sara opened the door and he wagged his tail at Brass.

"Nice dog. When did you guys get a dog?"

"Grissom got him to keep me company while he's away."

Brass scratched him behind the ears and he licked Brass. Sara watched them together. The dog had been a lot of company but it was not the same.

"Getting any sleep?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. Have you talked with him?"

"No. He left some contact numbers where he could be reached but since he hasn't bothered to call me then I wouldn't want to disturb him."

"Sara, you're both stubborn. He's probably waiting for you to call first."

"He left. I didn't." Sara finished the glass and poured another. Brass wished he hadn't brought up the alcohol.

"Come on now, let's take the dog for a walk in the park and then get something to eat."

Sara declined.

She finished the glass again and poured another one. Brass took the bottle away from her and poured the contents into the sink.

"You think I'm going to go out and get another DUI? Don't worry, I've learned my lesson. You see I try to learn from my mistakes but Gris..." She stopped and didn't finish her sentence.

She walked over and sat curled up on the couch. She finished the glass of wine as Brass picked up the phone. "Hey Nick, how's it going? Hey Nick. Calm down. I know you didn't like what Keppler and Catherine pulled. The reason I called is that Sara and I are over at my place and I thought you could call up the gang and meets us over there for a brunch or something. I bet we can find a place that delivers pizza this early. Really? great! We will see you soon."

Brass then grabbed Sara's hand and pulled her off the couch. "Get the dog; you're coming home with me."

It was good to be around the others that day. It helped Sara to not dwell on the test result. Greg and Nick had eaten an entire pizza. Warrick and Brass had only consumed three slices. Catherine had declined the invitation because of a problem with Lindsay. Sara thought Catherine might have declined because the guys were still mad over the "reverse forensics" deal. They didn't like being kept in the dark.

Sara had managed to eat a slice despite feeling a bit queasy from the wine. It also made her a bit tipsy. Bruno had basked in all of the attention he was getting from the guys. She lay down on the couch and watched the guys played Frisbee with Bruno. Later, Brass looked down and Sara had fallen asleep. He picked up a blanket and covered her up. He motioned for the others to keep it down.

"Hey, we better get going if we're going to get any sleep before work tonight. I'm glad Sara passed out. I don't think she has been sleeping much," said Nick.

"I'm not going to wake her. It's kind of nice having her around. I'm not sure about the dog" said Brass as he watched Bruno counter surfacing to get at the left over pizza.

"Hey, tell Sara I'll dog watch any time. He's a great dog" whispered Greg.

Brass looked at Sara sleeping and decided to turn in himself. Later he was awakened by the ringing of his phone. It was Grissom.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter twenty two:

"Sara is fine. She's asleep on the couch. Bruno is probably with her. No wait, Bruno is sleeping with me." Brass pulled the extra pillow away from Bruno.

"Why is she there with you?"

"I dunno. I'm a good looking available bachelor who would never dream of leaving…" "

"I got it Jim. Is she really okay?"

"Let's just say we've had our moments."

"What happened?"

"She swore me to secrecy but I can play twenty questions and given you are such a genius, you had better get these quickly. Okay. What goes at the end of a sentence and women are supposed to have them every month."

"Period. Oh my…"

"Good now. Let's move on to question number two. Who hasn't had one lately?"

"Sara. Oh my…"

"Good Sherlock. Let's move on to question number three. Who failed a test that made her cry?"

"Wait. When you say fail does that mean it was positive or negative?"

"Negative."

"She cried because it was negative?"

"Yep. It seems for some unknown reason she would have liked being pregnant with your child. Personally I think she could do much better. Grissom? Grissom?"

"I need to come home."

"If you tell her about this, she's never going to confide in me again and then how will you ever figure out the female species. You need to call her. Tell her you love her. Send her something nice, something romantic."

"Has she been eating or sleeping?"

"Well, she's been asleep for about 7 hours now. I think the wine helped. Of course I don't think she should have drunk so much."

"She hasn't been drinking and driving?"

"No. I packed her and the dog up and brought them over here and then got the guys to come over for pizza. She needed the distraction."

"Good. Keep her busy. Don't let her spend too much time alone. Okay? I'm going to try to get back sooner. Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"I would have been okay with it being positive."

"I know. Just get home soon. Remember, something romantic."

Grissom hung up the phone and closed his eyes. He berated himself for not being there for Sara. With everything going on, he had not even noticed that Sara was late with her period. He surmised it was because of stress since the pregnancy test was negative. He had encouraged her to go off the pill since it had caused her so many side effects and while they had used other forms of protection, they weren't exactly perfect at times. Still, he would have wanted to be there holding her hand, watching the test in anticipation of its impact on their lives. He would have wanted to comfort her and whisper to her that they could try if she wanted to get pregnant. He would do anything for Sara. She knew that right?

Note: don't forget to give a review so I know whether you like how this is going.


	23. Chapter 23

_For those late nighters who asked for more _

_Chapter Twenty Three:_

_Grissom sat at his desk and looked out the window. He had tried several times to call Sara but she was either not available or she was avoiding him. __I wish they never invented caller ID. Years ago, the only form of communication was by phone or letter…_

_He turned and picked up a piece of paper and began to write._

_"I don't know why I find it so difficult to express my feelings to you. Even though we're far apart I can see you as vividly as though you were here. I said I'll miss you and I do."_

_He then quoted some Shakespeare and once he had finished he placed the letter in an envelope. He started to address the letter but then stopped. __What am I doing? I'm using a dead man's words to express how much I love Sara. I don't want to lose her... _

_He decided to take a walk to clear his mind. He placed the letter in his book and left it lying on the desk. While he was out, he found a beautiful caterpillar cocoon. He had seen this type of butterfly before and it reminded him of Sara. He gently broke off the stick and headed back to his apartment. With great care, he boxed it up and sent it to Sara at the lab. He had been afraid to send it to the townhouse for fear she would not open it. She might be more willing to open it at the lab thinking it must be related to a case or something he wanted her to follow up on. He smiled as he sent the package off. He had found the perfect gift to send her. __Surely she will know how much I love her__when she sees this__. He realized he had not placed the letter in the box but then decided the gift spoke volumes while the letter was only borrowed words. _

_Sara sat on the bench across from her locker and stared at the box. She had not spoken with him since he had left. They had each been too stubborn to pick up the phone the first week or two and then he had started calling her. She got suspicious that Brass may have been the reason for his call. The timing was too close to the incident with the pregnancy test. She groaned at the thought of talking with him. She longed to hear his voice and she often picked up the phone only to put it back down when she didn't know what she would say. __Come home. I miss you. I need you. I'm lost without you. I don't want to be alone anymore. You promised I would never be alone again. You promised…_

_Sara had grown accustomed to false promises in her life. She had even made false promises to herself; anything to keep her going. __Tomorrow I'll call and beg him to come home. I'll tell him how much I wanted the test to be positive and I'll tell him how I want to have his child. I'll tell him how I'm tired of hiding our secret and he was right, we need to come out in the open. "Tomorrow, I'll…"_

_She had made as many false promises as he had. She opened the box and carefully removed the tissue paper. She was surprised to see the cocoon. She stared at it for sometime and then reached into the box to look for a note but there was none. __Nothing._

_That's Grissom. _

_She sighed and then headed for his office. She remembered an empty glass container sitting in the corner of his office so she decided to place the cocoon there for safe keeping. As she looked around the room, she could almost feel his presence there. Even a familiar scent made her turn to see if he was standing behind her but she was alone. She could never imagine this room belonging to anyone else than Grissom. It was who he was. She gently ran her finger down the end of the desk. She walked over and sat down in his chair. There had been so many times she had come into this room to find him sitting here deep in thought. She leaned back and closed her eyes. Again she felt his presence. __God, I miss him. I miss his touch, his voice, his hands. __If there was one thing that Sara missed the most, it was Grissom's hands. He could speak volumes with one touch. His hands were a direct connection to his soul. When he touched you, it came from the soul for Grissom was a private person and he rarely touched anyone or anything. For a moment she thought she would call him. She knew he would probably be lecturing at this moment and she could leave a message on his voicemail.. __Chicken. __She decided to leave the silence between them. She quickly shut the door and headed home. _


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four:

Grissom checked his watch and then the board. He smiled when he noticed his flight was on time. He was going home. _Sara. _ He had missed her so much. The last two weeks had been torture and he had gone into overdrive trying to finish up the class and make arrangements so he could return early. He hadn't slept much but he didn't care. All he wanted to do was find his Sara.

_My Sara. _

He wondered if she would invite him back into their home. He wondered if she was still there. _Of course. Her lease expired months ago. _ They had combined their possessions together to make the townhouse more warm and inviting. Grissom had moved most of his experiments to the extra room at the lab. He had even given up the refrigerator stuff. He chuckled one night when Sara had proudly opened the refrigerator only to find edible food. "I think I have domesticated you finally." She giggled at his frown. _God, I miss your smile. _Grissom picked up his carry on and headed to his finale destination, Sara.

Grissom made his rounds in the lab. He hadn't even bothered to go home. He knew Sara would not be there. The next time he stepped into the townhouse, he wanted to know they were going to be okay. For the average person, Grissom's actions were no different than any other time he had been in the lab. He went from room to room getting updates however, what the average person did not see was that each time he did not locate Sara, his heart sank a little lower.

Sara stepped out of the car and breathed in the fresh air. She hated it when she had to go dumpster diving. The fresh air helped the smell of her clothes. She grabbed the evidence out of the back and headed inside. All she wanted to do is shower. She had no idea she was about to come face to face with Grissom.

He glanced into his office and saw the stack of papers lying in his in-box. He reluctantly entered and rummaged through the stack. The glass container caught his eye. It was the gift he had sent to Sara. His heart began to beat even faster. _She doesn't love me anymore. She's going to tell me she's moving out as soon as I get home. She's going to break my heart. _Grissom continued his search. Suddenly there she was. He realized she had been out in the field all this time. She looked beautiful.

Sara quickened her pace. Her mind was focused on the shower. Just a few more feet and then she saw him, rather she heard his voice. She turned and there he was.

_God, he's beautiful._

Her heart began to race. She tried to calm her nerves but her emotions were running rampant. She tried to retreat to the shower. Each step she took, he stepped toward her. He didn't know what to say. He heard himself asking about the cocoon and some comment from her that his office was best but it's difficult for him to think at this moment. She motions that she needs to shower and so he slows his pursuit.

As Sara begins to turn away, He says with a question in his tone "See you tonight."

"Yeah, you will" was her reply and then she was gone. He started to return to his office when he stopped. _I don't think she smiled. _Without thinking of the repercussions, Grissom headed into the women's showers. He looked around and when he didn't hear or see anyone else, he walked up behind Sara. She was unzipping her uniform when she felt his presence. Sara smiled. She didn't turn around but continued to undress. When she was completely naked, she turned to look at him. "Welcome home."

Grissom grabbed her into his arms and held her. _She still loves me. _He kissed her gently at first and then the primal urges took over and he was devouring her. She gently pushed him back and he reluctantly stopped. "Gil, someone might come in here."

"I don't care. I want you."

Sara continued to gently push him away. It was all she could not to give into the same urges. She wanted him just as much as he wanted her.

"Sara..."

"Go. The shift will be over soon and then we can go home. Besides, I really need a shower."

"I'll wash your back and hair."

Sara kissed him fully on the lips and then pushed him toward the door. As he turned, she pinched him on the behind. He turned and appeared to be startled at her action. She grinned "There's more where that came from." She then stepped into the shower and turned on the water.

Grissom was relieved when he managed to duck out of the shower room without anyone noticing. He decided he would pass the time away by getting out into the field and helping the guys.

Catherine continued to stand very still. She could not believe what she had just seen. _Grissom and Sara_! She started to sit there in the shower room until Sara finished and then have her spill her guts but then she realized who she was talking about. Catherine marveled over the revelation. _How did she get Grissom to come out of his shell?_ Catherine had tried for her years to get her friend to open up but she thought it was a lost cause. She quietly slipped out of the room without Sara noticing. _They'll tell us when they're ready. _


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five:

Grissom had wanted to stay the entire shift but he had to admit he was exhausted. The last couple of days started to catch up with him. He left early telling himself he needed to unpack but he really just wanted to reacquaint himself with the home he and Sara shared. He walked around the house and everything seemed the same but he knew it wasn't. He had made it different by leaving. He wondered how long it would be before they were comfortable around each other again.

Grissom took care of Bruno and then headed for the bedroom. He sat down on her side of the bed and looked around. He never noticed how empty the room felt when she was not there. He stretched out and closed his eyes. He felt something under the pillow and pulled it out. It was a picture of him and Sara last year. They had gone out of town for a couple of days and stayed at a small inn. The owner had caught them in a loving embrace on the porch overlooking the hillside and had taken their photo.

He noticed the glass was missing from the frame but stuck it back where he had found it. He decided he had better get on his side but then realized Bruno had taken up residence there. He was trying to coax the dog to move when he heard the door open. He jumped up from the bed and they stood for several moments staring at one another. Grissom was the first to break the silence.

"I've missed you."

Sara smiled and held up her hands. "I thought I would cook tonight."

Grissom returned her smile. Sara was holding up Chinese food.

They sat side by side in their bed eating Chinese. The TV was on and they were watching an episode of Gilligan's island.

"Who's your favorite?" asked Grissom.

"Gilligan."

"I thought the professor would be more your type" said Grissom as he leaned over and planted a kiss on her lips.

"He would be too much work."

Grissom froze. _Is there some hidden message in this?_

"Who's your favorite?"

"The professor but I feel sorry for him."

"Why?"

"Because, he would be worth the effort if someone would take a chance."

Sara switched off the TV and started to clean up. Grissom continued to lay in the bed and watch. He had missed the day to day routine of having her in his life. He never wanted to leave her again. He sensed there was an air of sadness to Sara that bothered him. Sara returned shortly and sat back down.

"Would you like to do a session? We haven't done that in awhile."

"Okay, I'll let you go first."

"Let's begin our session with the topic of trust."

"Do you have a death wish or something?"

"No. I thought it would be good for us to discuss…"

Sara's eyes were huge. She moved so she could look him straight in the face. "Trust means firm belief in honesty, reliability of some person or thing, faith."

"I don't think you've been honest with me."

Sara could not believe what he had just said. She started to slap him but then decided she need to… _counting isn't going to help this time. 3 x 6 18; 4 x 4 _

"Sara, are you counting?"

"Nope. I'm doing my times tables" Grissom began to laugh. He grabbed her hand just as it was going to make a swipe at his face.

"Sara. If you will calm down, I will explain why I feel the way I do."

"Please do."

Sara had already formulated in her mind the approach she was going to take. How dare he accuse her of not being honest! He had planned the whole trip without even consulting her. What he said next knocked the wind out of her.

"The pregnancy test."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Six:

Once the words left his mouth, he wished he could retract them. The damage had been done. Sara bolted from the bed and headed into the bathroom. It closed with ajar. He sat there a moment to give her time to calm down but all he could think about was how he could hurt her on their first night together. He could hear the water running softly and he knew she was trying to wash her tears away. He started for the bathroom but Bruno blocked his entrance. He started to move the dog but Bruno growled and held his ground.

"Bruno, it's okay. I wouldn't hurt Sara. Would I honey?" pleaded Grissom through the door.

"Yes he would Bruno. Don't let him in."

Bruno sat on his haunches and continued to growl each time Grissom tried to place his hand on the doorknob.

"Sara, you shouldn't do this. You're teaching Bruno not to trust me."

"Good boy! Bruno."

"Sara, please. Honey, we need to talk about this." Bruno's tail began to wag when he heard the click of the door.

"Brass"

"He didn't want to tell me Sara but I was crazy with worry about you. You wouldn't answer my calls. When I couldn't reach you I was afraid something had happened. Don't be mad at him. He loves you very much. It would kill him if he thought he had hurt you. If you're going to be mad at someone then take it out on me."

Sara closed her eyes. She was trying to hold back the tears but she couldn't. Grissom slowly made his way to her and held her closely. Bruno still sat between them. When Sara didn't resist, Bruno jumped up on the bed and lay down.

"Honey, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I would have wanted to sit beside you and see the results of the test with you. I would have been upset with the results as well." Grissom continued to hold Sara as he gently rocked her back and forth. He kissed her forehead followed by her lips. It was then that she broke their contact to look at him. Her mind had slowly registered what he had said.

"You would have wanted it to be positive?"

"Only if that's what you want. Sara, I am happy just loving you. I would be content for the rest of my life if it was just the two of us but if you ever wanted to… try…"

He didn't finish. Sara had launched herself into his arms and they fell onto the bed causing Bruno to jump up with excitement. He began to lick them both in the face. Sara giggled as Grissom tried to push him aside. Spying the Frisbee nearby Grissom picked it up and tossed it out into the living room. Bruno ran after it. Grissom took the opportunity to shut the door leaving Bruno stranded.

Grissom returned to the bed and held her. She felt so good. He never wanted to leave their bed again. He slowly reacquainted himself with her body. She reveled in the attention. He knew they would need to talk more but right now he just wanted to love her. How he had missed her! Grissom sighed as they rekindled their love for one another. He was going to savor ever moment of it.

Later they lay in bed talking about the work. It was a safe topic for awhile. Grissom didn't want to get into some other issues that he knew they would have to discuss soon. He dreaded the biggest cloud that seemed to hang over their relationship right now, his leaving.

"Sara, I know Catherine is taking Keppler's death pretty hard but the man killed someone and hid the evidence."

"I didn't like the reverse forensics crap but he was okay to work with. I think he had a lot of skeletons in his closet," said Sara as she rubbed Bruno behind the ears.

"What makes you think this?"

"His eyes. They were sad. Sometimes a person's eyes are a window to their soul."

"You're beginning to sound like me." Grissom smiled as he watched her pet Bruno.

"I felt sorry for Keppler because he thought he was killing the man who had hurt the person he loved. Love can make you do things that you'd never think of doing."

"Have you ever done anything?" inquired Grissom.

"Waiting for you."

There it was out but neither wanted to get into the conversation. They both sat in silence for a moment.

"Sara, I don't think we should get into this tonight."

"It's fine." She got up and headed to the kitchen. Grissom contemplated going after her but decided he would give her some space. He had learned when Sara said those two words it really meant she was too hurt to talk about it. He could hear her talking to Bruno. He smiled as he heard Sara's conversation with the dog.

"Mommy loves you too. Did you miss me? I missed you too. Mommy always comes back. No snacking! Bruno, let go of that. No drooling on the table."

Grissom did not recall when he dosed off. Her voice was like a soft melody in his ear and he had closed his eyes to listen to the music. He loved Sara's voice. He loved everything about her. She had quietly gotten into bed and curled her body up next to his.

He wrapped his arm around her and she followed him into sleep.

Later that morning, Sara woke to the sound of Grissom in the shower. It was nice to have him home. She was still mad at him for leaving but she didn't want to dwell on it. That session could wait another day. She just wanted to love him. She had spent so many nights worrying about their relationship. She felt the picture under her pillow and pulled it out. She was staring at it when Grissom opened the door.

"How did that get broken?"

"I threw it."

"Sorry. At least you didn't throw darts at it."

"Don't look in the closet."

Grissom frowned. Sometimes you had to take Sara at her literal word. He didn't bother to look.

"I'll let you get rid of the evidence later. Okay?"

"We have a few hours before our shift. What would you like to do?"

"You."

"Insatiable wrench." He came and sat down beside her. He took her palm and kissed it.

"How about a big lunch? I'm actually famished." Grissom smiled. He knew Sara was feeling better when she asked for food.

"Well, I have some bad news."

"What?"

"The gang wants me to meet them for brunch."

Sara recalled the guys yelling this to her as she left but she had been in a hurry to get home. "Well, that's fine. I can share."

Grissom kissed her palm again. She noticed he wasn't dressed yet. "Could I entice you in another shower?" Grissom picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. Sara giggled as Bruno bounced about their feet.

"When are you going to shave?"

Grissom looked into the mirror. "You don't like my beard?"

"I think your beard may give us away. I have a few scratches in some very incriminating places."

"But who's going to see?"

Sara made a face at him. She didn't like the beard but she would let the decision be his. As the water poured over their bodies, Grissom began to wash her hair. She groaned inwardly. His hands were like magic. She missed this closeness. She turned to face him pulling his body close to hers. The gang could wait. She needed him right now and she didn't want to be rushed. Grissom read her body and proceeded to seduce her. He wondered if he was really the pursuer this time.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty Seven:

Grissom began yelling for the others as he carried the package. He couldn't believe he had missed it. He checked the post date and realized it had been sitting on his desk for weeks. His gut instinct had been correct. The miniature killer was alive and well. The model was too detailed to be a copycat. He glanced at Sara as the others gathered around the package. Sara had wished Grissom was wrong this time. She remembered how obsessive he had become with the miniature case before he left and now it would begin all over again.

Grissom sat on their outside deck and stared out into nothing. His mind was recalling the events of the case. It was so ironic that the woman they had hoped to save died at the hands of her own brother. He felt guilty that an officer had also been killed. He was tired of the miniature killer.

Years ago he would have been engrossed in every detail. He no longer had a taste for the macabre anymore. He now had Sara to consider. He didn't verbalize his thoughts out loud but the killer was now making this personal. The package had been sent to Grissom. The killer knew Grissom. He didn't like the thought. _What if he's watching me? What if he knows about Sara? _ He finished up his glass of wine.

There was a tap at the door and then footsteps. Brass came over and sat down beside him. An unopened beer was waiting for him. "Got your message." Brass took a drink and then looked at Grissom.

"You couldn't have known. Officer Kamen knew what she was doing when she volunteered for the job. This miniature killer is good."

"The killer never intended to be at the scene. There was no danger of being caught. He or she is making it personal now. The package was addressed to me. I don't have to tell you what that means."

"You think the person may try to come after you?"

"I'm not sure but I don't like it. I'm more concerned about Sara."

"Sara can take care of herself." Brass took another drink.

"I thought I would ask her to move out for awhile."

"Are you nuts? You want to give up your relationship with Sara to…"

Grissom did not realize Sara was standing behind them. He turned when Bruno jumped up and ran to her. Grissom knew his words had hurt Sara because of the look on her face. Brass turned and patted Grissom on the arm. "Gotta go. Give me a call later."

Brass got up and headed in the direction he had come. He motioned for Sara to call him later. He hugged her as he started to leave. He felt sorry for Grissom because he knew the poor fellow was about to do battle with Sara and his money was on Sara.

Sara whirled around and headed inside. Grissom sat there and did not follow her. He didn't know how to act. _Do I tell her the truth? If I do, she won't leave. If she stays, I may put her in danger. If I make her leave under false pretenses, I may lose her for good. Can I risk losing her? Do I hurt her again in order to protect her? _He felt a migraine coming on and he winced at the pain in his head.

He sat there for hours. He wondered if she had already packed her stuff. He couldn't bring himself to find out. Bruno came to sit beside him and he whimpered up at Grissom.

Grissom patted his head. It was then that he saw Sara standing in the doorway. She was dressed for bed. The wind softly blew the nightgown. He knew she must be cold since he had become chilled himself. Sara walked over, kneeled down and embraced him. He initially did not return the embrace but she wouldn't let go.

"I'm not leaving. Brass told me why you wanted me to leave."

"Jim has a big mouth."

"Jim loves us and doesn't want you to be an a…"

"I know what he called me."

"Gil"

"Yeah"

"Is there any other reason you want me to leave?"

Grissom kissed her gently on the lips and held her tight. "I just want to protect you. Love can make you do things that you'd never think of doing."

"Are you quoting me?"

Grissom smiled. Sara had begun to shiver. He stood up, picked her up in his arms and carried her to bed. He knew he would hear from the killer again but he just hoped it wouldn't be soon.

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	28. Chapter 28

Chapter twenty Eight:

The gang got to take a trip down memory lane when there was an investigation at a High School. Sara determined that some memories were better forgotten. She laughed at the guys talking about their attempts at conquests. She was glad that Grissom had no stories of such to tell. She never liked the guys who were only interested in sleeping with a girl and then dumping them. She particularly liked Greg's stories. She determined that he was most definitely a geek like she and Grissom but he was a funny geek. She would have liked to have known him then.

"Sara, you seem a bit quiet. Is there anything wrong?"

"I was just thinking about those teenagers who died. They were such senseless deaths. I feel sorry for the parents. It must be hard to lose a child like that just when they were beginning their lives."

"I think it bothered Nick because he found out who had really killed the young man."

Grissom began to kiss Sara on the neck and she began to giggle. Grissom raised his head and stared at her. "That was not the reaction I was looking for."

"I'm sorry but that thing tickles." She pulled at his beard. He felt his face and looked at her.

"You don't like it do you?"

"I don't mind if you want to keep it."

Grissom pulled her up from the bed and led her into the bathroom. He lathered up his face with soap. He then reached for the straight razor and handed it to Sara. Sara's mouth fell open. She sat the razor down and backed away but he coaxed her back into the bathroom. He was determined to have her do this. Sara tried to calm her nerves. She picked up the razor and faced him.

"Do you trust me?"

"Intimately." She supported his head with her hand and she began to run the blade across his skin. Gently she took one stroke after another. When she finished, she gently wiped his face. He turned to look in the mirror and smiled at her. He then turned to her and for some reason he felt the urge to ask her, "Do you trust me?"

Sara turned and walked away. Grissom grabbed her arm and looked into her eyes. _She doesn't trust me anymore._

"Rule number one. We have to trust each other."

"Gil, we both know we have been deficient in that area. End of story."

"We keep coming back to this and I think we need to talk about my leaving."

"Planning another trip?" Her words dripped with sarcasm. He flinched. She regretted saying it like that but she was worried. She wondered if she would wake up and find him gone one day. Another sabbatical or whatever he wanted to call it. She just knew she couldn't… no she wouldn't go through that again.

"I guess we have put this off long enough. Sara, I didn't handle the leaving very well. I should have just came right out and told you. I won't put it off next time."

"Next time, I won't be waiting." The words hung in the air.

"Sara, eventually we need to sit down and talk about where we are going with this relationship. I'm trying to plan for the future but you want to remain in the present. I'm not sure that I can do that. It's not in my nature."

"Our work is part of who we are as a couple. Working with you over the years is the only thing that kept me going. I can't imagine not being able to work with you anymore."

"Would you rather work with me or have this?" Grissom was hoping she would pick the latter.

Sara did not respond. She knew she would give up her job if she knew it jeopardized their relationship. Still, she just wasn't ready to change their lives so drastically.

"Did you like teaching?"

"Yes, I did but I didn't like being away from you. It hurt Sara."

"Good. It was no picnic here."

"At least you had the gang and Bruno."

"You had Hodges but I guess you didn't know he was taking your course on line."

Grissom frowned.

"Speaking of Bruno, would you mind if we put him in some dog training classes?"

"Bruno? What's wrong with my baby?" Grissom loved that she had become so attached to the dog.

"I would like to know that if you ever needed help, he would protect you."

"Have you forgotten the bathroom incident? You're his daddy but you didn't get past him." Grissom had forgotten.

"He must really love you."

"Actually, we took a defensive course while you were gone." Grissom was surprised to hear this.

"I thought that if you ever came back and broke things off, Bruno could keep you away if you ever tried to come crawling back." Grissom didn't know whether to believe the last statement or not. He didn't plan to find out.

Note: see that button down there. Don't forget to let me know how you liked it. I love reviews.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty Nine:

Sara began to toss in bed; she had been having problems sleeping again. She knew it was because of the miniature case. Grissom had thrown himself into the case again. She reached for Grissom but his side of the bed was empty. She went into the living room to find him fast to work at his new miniature. The first time she saw it, she had gotten angry with him. She remembered their fight.

"I can't believe you. Everyone is going to think you have gone off the deep end."

"Sara, it's just a model of my office."

"It's just like the miniatures. Can't you get enough of it at work? I'm beginning to think you've lost all perspective on this case." Grissom was silent. It was Sara who took the lead again.

"Believe me Gil. I am expert of losing perspective but the difference I acknowledge it. You don't. Why are you doing this?"

"It helps me to think. I can't explain it. I just want to..."

"Get in his or her head. Believe me, that person has been in your head from the beginning."

Grissom had stopped working on the miniature after that but then the migraines had returned. Sara knew she could not keep him from this. It was who he was. As soon as she encouraged him to complete the miniature, his migraines disappeared.

Tonight, Sara stood in the door way and waited for him to notice her. He had been staring at one section for several minutes. She knew he was visualizing his actual office in his mind and then comparing it to the miniature. A chill ran down Sara's spine. She called his name but he did not answer. She turned and went back to the bedroom.

She pulled the covers up and closed her eyes. She tried to will herself to sleep. She even tried counting. Suddenly she heard a noise and sat up in bed. She found Grissom's miniature sitting on the edge of the bed. _He must have finished it. Good!_

She pulled it close to see the minute detail. She was in awe of its perfection but then she gasped. There hunched over at the desk was Grissom's body. She reached out to touch the figure and saw red blotches on her fingers. She tried to wipe it off but the stains continued to appear on her hands. She pushed the miniature away and began yelling for Grissom. Someone grabbed her and she struggled. She knew she had to get to Grissom but she couldn't move. She felt the wetness on her face and the pain in her arms from the restraint. She couldn't break free no matter how hard she tried. From a distance she could hear yelling. She couldn't make out the voice. It was too far away. She could feel herself being shaken and then suddenly she heard the voice more clearly and realized it was Grissom.

"Sara!"

Sara's eyes flew open to find Grissom's blue eyes pleading with her to wake up. She couldn't seem to catch her breath as he held his grip on her arms. Once she began to calm down he released his hold on her. She glanced down at the end of the bed but the miniature was not there. _It was a dream. Get a hold of yourself. It was just a dream._

She leaned back in the bed and closed her eyes. She had hoped he would get up but he remained sitting there. She opened her eyes to find him staring at her.

"I'm fine." _No I'm not. I never want to sleep again._ _Damn those miniatures._

"You want to talk about it?"

"No!" She pushed herself passed him and headed to the kitchen. She began looking for the wine bottle. She looked over the stove but it had been moved. She then began to prowl through the cabinets. Grissom stood and watched her. She was frantic to find the bottle. When she had exhausted all of the spots, she turned and faced him.

"Do you really think you should?" Grissom almost whispered.

Sara laughed. _Do you really think you should be making that damn miniature?_

He walked over and took the bottle from below the stove. He got out two wine glasses and filled them. He then handed one to Sara. She reached for the glass and finished half of it while standing. She filled the glass again and went to sit on the couch. He noticed how her hands shook.

Sara silently drank the wine while Grissom stood and watched her. He had known for some time that something was bothering Sara. He would often be awakened by her nightmares. At first he thought it was because of her feeling of abandonment while he was away that was causing them. He thought as time passed, the problem would resolve itself. However, things were getting worse. She was back to sleeping fewer hours and the dark circles under her eyes returned. It was the first time Sara had resorted to alcohol as a comfort. He didn't like the pattern that was developing. He had seen her go down this road before and it had almost cost her career. She had been lucky that the DUI was not part of her permanent record. He blamed himself for it because of his constant rejection of her. She finished off the glass and returned to the kitchen counter. She reached for the bottle but he stopped her. Their eyes met. She knew he was pleading with her to not take another drink. She wasn't sure she could do that.

"Please." It came out as a whispered plea. Sara's resolve broke and she turned away. She stood and swiped the tears from her eyes. She gazed at the miniature sitting on Grissom's desk in the corner and she felt the urge to smash it. He caught her staring at it.

He walked over and stood in front of her so she could no longer see it.

"Talk to me."

"I'm fine, really." _I think I'm losing my mind. You need that model to keep your sanity and I need it to disappear to save mine. I hate what the killer is doing to us._

"Stop it! Sara. Stop it right now!" She was taken back by his anger. He had never talked to her that way.He saw the fear in her eyes and he grabbed her into his arms.

"Please, honey. Don't do this to us. Please let me in." A slight laugh escaped her lips.

_He's using my words again. This is so ironic and pathetic. I'm losing my mind._

She closed her eyes and let him hold her. She opened her eyes and there in full view was the miniature. It seemed to be mocking her. Her body stiffened in his arms. He pulled away and once again saw her staring at it. _It's that damn miniature. _Why hadn't he figured this out sooner? He led almost dragged her to the desk. She tried to break away but he wouldn't let go. It was as if she was afraid of the thing. She began to plead with him to let her go but he kept his grip. Bruno could hear the stress in her voice and he began to growl at Grissom. Still, he wouldn't release her. Bruno started to walk towards Grissom but Sara commanded him to sit. He reluctantly obeyed. Sara was now standing directly in front of the miniature. It was different than the one in her dream. There was no body.

Taking his hand he made her look directly at him. "Sara, I'm not going anywhere. Nothing is going to happen to me. I'll take this to the office tomorrow." Relief spread over Sara. She couldn't explain why the simple gesture seemed to remove so much of the anxiety she had been feeling.

He kissed her on the forehead and led her to the bedroom. Once she was tucked in, he turned off the lights and joined her. She cuddled up close to him and he could feel the wetness on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Sara. I didn't realize how much it bothered you."

"I don't want anything to happen to you." She began to sob into his shoulder. Grissom quieted her and kissed the tears from her cheeks.

"I'll be careful Sara. I promise." He lay awake for several hours watching over her. She gradually fell asleep in his arms. He knew it would soon be time to get ready for work. The sunlight had already begun to dim. He looked at the clock and frowned. He didn't want to wake her. She needed the sleep. He gently eased himself from the bed and went into the living room and shut the door. He picked up his phone and called Catherine.

"Hey Grissom, what's up?"

"I won't be in the office until later. I've been up most of the day. If you need anything, give me a call. Oh, there must be something going around because Sara just called in sick. Is that going to be a problem for you guys?"

Catherine smiled to herself. Boy, these guys ere good. "We'll manage. Hey, you think I should go by Sara's and check on her?" Catherine snickered quietly to herself. She could just imagine Grissom's discomfort.

"I wouldn't do that. She's probably asleep. She hasn't been sleeping well."

"Really?"

"Haven't you seen the dark circles under her eyes?"

Catherine thought for a moment, "You're right. I have noticed. I'll be sure and tell the guys to stay clear of her."

"Thanks Catherine."

Grissom returned to the bed room and watched her sleep. She had already begun to toss. He got back in bed and spooned his body up next to hers. She grabbed for his arm and held it against her. He smiled. He could see her arms and noticed the bruises on her wrists. He clenched his teeth. He did not realize he had been holding her so tight. Bruno raised his head and looked at Grissom. "Next time, you bite me. Got it Bruno?" Bruno wagged his tail and then lay back down.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty:

Grissom kept his word and that evening the miniature left the townhouse. Sara was awakened by Bruno who was resting his head on Grissom's pillow. "Where's Daddy?" yawned Sara. She glanced at the clock and then jumped out of bed. "Daddy has caused Mommy to be late. She rushed around the bedroom pulling clothes out of drawers. When she ran into the bathroom, there was a note posted to the mirror.

Sara,

This was the safest place to leave a note- Bruno. I told the others you were under the weather and not to expect you in tonight. I have taken care of Bruno. Just take care of yourself.

Love,

Gil

Sara jumped into the shower and then dressed. If she hurried she would still be able to put in a couple of hours. She threw Bruno a bone and headed out the door. When she arrived at the lab, Nick was the first to see her.

"Hey Sara, I thought you weren't feeling well. Grissom said you called in sick."

"Well, it's amazing what a little bit of sleep will do for you"

She went by Grissom's office and he had his back to the door. He had already begun working on the miniature again. At least it wasn't in their home. She didn't bother him but returned to the lab to help Greg and Nick.

It was several hours before Grissom realized Sara had reported to work. He found her working under a car with Greg. He stood and listened to their conversation.

"Hey Sara, Grissom said you were sick tonight. What's up?"

"I haven't been sleeping well and I just needed some rest."

"Insomnia back?"

"Something like that." _Actually I keep dreaming Grissom is going to get killed. _

"I hear that if you drink some wine before bed it might help."

"DUI. Remember?"

"Sara, you made one bad choice. You wouldn't drink like that again would you?"

"I've been tempted."

Greg got silent. Sara knew that he was worried about her. "Don't worry. If I feel like I need to drink that much again, you'll be the first person I call. Okay?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Greg tried to remove the bolt that contained the fluid but it would not budge. Sara began to laugh at him.

"You think you can do better?"

Sara grabbed the wrench out of his hand and began to pull.

"I think it's coming loose." Both began to scream as the oil came gushing out. They were both drenched in oil. Grissom could hear the laughter.

He cleared his throat and they both shot out from under the car. Grissom could not help but smile when he saw their faces.

"Glad you're feeling better Sidle. Greg, I hope there's enough for a sample?"

They both looked at one another and began to smirk. Sara began wiping the oil onto Greg who in turn did the same.

Grissom left them to their antics. He was glad to see Sara smiling again. Before he left, Grissom called over his shoulder, "Sidle when you are decent again, I need to see you on the Thomas case."

Nick and Warrick began to chuckle when they saw Greg and Sara walking through the lab on their way to the showers. Catherine leaned out and took a picture for the "CSI moment of the month."

Greg called out "We just did that so we could get on the board."

Sara took a bow as she walked by the guys still laughing at their appearance.

"I got the screw off, Greggo."

"I'll wash your back if you wash mine."

"Nice try Greg," laughed Sara as she walked away.

Later that evening, Sara walked into Grissom's office and shut the door. He looked up and smiled at her.

"Good to see you feeling better."

"The sleep helped a lot. Thanks."

"Did you need to see me?"

"Always." Grissom just stared at her. His eyes spoke volumes. She smiled at him and went back to work. They would continue this after shift.

Note: Please be sure to give a review. Thanks!


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty one:

"Greg, you need to keep a distance from Aaron and Marla James. Don't let them walk over you. You did nothing. Do you hear me? Stanley Tanner would be dead right now if you had not intervened. Demetrius James is the guilty person. Got it?" Sara's hand was on Greg's shoulder. She had just seen the altercation in the hallway between Marla James and Greg.

"Got it, Sara." Greg smiled at Sara and left the room. Sara placed her head in her hands and closed her eyes. The feel of the table felt good on her skin. It had been a long shift and all she wanted to do was go to bed. She was glad she had been sleeping better but now her body demanded more. Suddenly she felt two hands upon her shoulders. They were warm soft hands. They gently began to rub her tired muscles. It felt wonderful.

"If you keep this up, I might just have to do something extra special when we get home…"

Sara's eyes shot open when she heard Grissom's voice coming from across the room. _if he's there then who's…_

Sara jerked around to find Warrick standing there. Her face turned crimson.

"Sorry Warrick. I must have dozed off and thought you were someone else."

Grissom could not help but snicker. Sara hightailed it out of the break room. Grissom poured himself a cup of coffee and then returned to his office. Warrick stood there and smiled. _If they think for a moment they have me fooled…_ He replayed Sara's statement in his head and then he recalled the night Grissom had brought Sara dinner. He had thought that the gesture was odd particularly for Grissom but combined with a few other looks and gestures he knew the two were a pair. He chuckled to himself. Their secret was safe with him.

Later at the townhouse, Grissom continued to chuckle over the break room incident.

"Gil, it's not funny. I think Warrick may have figured it out."

"So what?"

"Gilbert Grissom! I am being serious here."

"So am I Sara. Eventually everyone is going to know. Are you ashamed of our relationship?" _Here comes a hot session._

That's absurd. Do you think I like the new girls flitting around asking questions about the famous Gil Grissom. They all want to know if you're available."

"Sara, you know that I'm not."

"Exactly but I can't very well say 'sorry but I'm sleeping with the man and oh by the way, we have a dog.' "

"Which leads me to my next question of when are we going to go public with this?"

There is was again. Sara dreaded these conversations. She wanted both worlds. She wanted to work with Grissom **and** have a personal life outside the office with him.

"Sara, Ecklie would have my hide and job if he discovered this on his own. We would be better off if we told him or better yet, we change our boss/employee relationship and then begin dating officially."

"How do you propose we change the boss/employee relationship?"

"I could teach and you could remain in your current position."

"You would give up the lab?"

"Sara, eventually I am going to have to give up the lab to someone younger and more aggressive than I am in the field."

"That's years from now. You love working in the field." Sara had begun to pout.

"Okay, I could stay in the lab but then you would have to move to a swing shift or something completely different. Are you willing to give that up?"

Sara did not comment. This was why she hated telling everyone. There would be a major change in their lives and she didn't want it. She just wanted things to stay the same. Sara had always longed for stability in her young life. Now, that she had it in her adult life she was reluctant to let it go.

Grissom could sense that Sara was at least thinking about the possibilities. It was a start. He decided to add another scenerio.

"Sara, if you decided that you wanted to try to get pregnant, we would need to think about what would be best for the baby."

Sara's eyes lit up. She had never thought that far. She had decided she wanted to have children but had never contemplated how it would fit in their current situation. Of course, they had never discussed marriage but she was afraid the M word would have scared Grissom away. He then looked at her and grinned. "Of course before we could even begin the baby process, we would need to get married."

Sara's mouth dropped open. She never thought she would ever hear Gilbert Grissom discuss marriage. Sara was speechless. Grissom continued to grin. _Perhaps there is hope she will start planning for the future._

He gently kissed her on the lips and called over his shoulder. "I'm going to take Bruno for a walk. Why don't you think about all of this?"

Note: I am officially on vacation as of 6:00 pm this afternoon so I will resume the story in a week. Please don't forget reviews. I live for reviews. (which is the reason I have continued to post more of the story for those who have asked very nicely, particularly Billiebeesaved.)


	32. Chapter 32

Note: Sorry for the delay but I am having been trying to contemplate what to add to the remaining episodes. I hope that I won't be too far off in my version so please bear with me. Thanks for reading. I enjoy reading the reviews so keep them coming. P.S. Vacation was fun but I am glad I am home.

Chapter Thirty Two:

"You have to admit Hodges found a common link between all of the miniatures that you overlooked." Sara didn't like discussing the miniatures after work but the new revelation in the case might help Grissom figure out who was behind the killings.

"If he hadn't found something, I would have fired him."

"No, you wouldn't. He was trying to help just as the others were. Honestly Gil, I'm not the only person who sees that you're obsessed with these murders. They actually asked me if it were true you were having trouble sleeping at night because you couldn't solve the case. You think they suspect anything? You know we are investigators, it's our job to notice things like this."

Grissom's head shot up. Actually he had been sleeping less lately but it was because of a certain brunette. He was relieved that she had gone back to sleeping at least 6 hours each day. Some days she would sleep even longer if he lay there with her and held her. He had spent a lot of those quiet moments thinking about the miniature killings. It had been too quiet and he knew that soon there would another body and another miniature.

He held her tight as she continued to talk about the events of the day. He cherished these moments with her. He could not imagine his life without her. As she spoke his hand stroked her arm. He grinned when Sara lost her train of thought. "Gil, you know I can't think clearly when you do that."

"I was thinking we could …"

"Do you always think about that?"

"Only when I'm with you."

Sara never ceased to amaze him with her questions about his past. Today they had been out in the field and she brought up the conversation about sex for money.

"Sex without love is pointless. It makes you sad."

"Well I'm pretty sure I don't make you sad."

No, he assured her, "You make me happy."

It was those moments in their work that he enjoyed. It was nice having her beside him to talk about the ins and outs of the daily routine. He felt a twinge of sadness also. _This must be what Sara feels when she thinks of this part of ourr life coming to an end_. He could not imagine not working with her but then again he could not imagine his life without her. He would gladly give up his job if it meant he could spend the rest of his life with her. He chuckled to himself at these thoughts. So many times he had thought that he would never sacrifice his job for anything or anyone. He had changed. His life had changed. Sara was now his life. He pushed the thought aside and continued with his work. From time to time he would glance over at Sara and she would smile. _Sara's smile. _


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty Three:

Sara sat on the bed eating some yogurt while Grissom took Bruno for a walk. She turned off the really bad horror flick that Grissom insisted they watch. He felt it was only appropriate after their recent case in which several persons were suffering from a mass hysteria. It seemed they feared lizard type aliens were trying to take over the world. As she reached to set the clicker down, she noticed an envelope sticking out of a book. When she pulled it out she noticed it was addressed to her. She looked around but then realized Grissom had gone out so she opened the letter and began to read.

_Sara,_

_I don't know why I find it so difficult to express my feelings to you. Even though we're far apart I can see as vividly as though you were here. I said I'll miss you and I do._

She smiled as she read the rest of the letter. She wasn't surprised when he quoted Shakespeare. _He had written. _ _Why didn't he send it me?_ She put the letter back into the book. She heard the click of the door as Grissom returned with Bruno. He noticed the sad distant look on her face.

"What?"

"I missed you when you were away."

Grissom did not know why she brought that up but he smiled and leaned down for a kiss.

"I'm not going anywhere, Sara."

She returned his smile as well as his kiss.

"Besides, I'm afraid of Bruno." Sara hit him in the ribs as he fell on the bed next to her. She liked to hear him laugh. It was so not Grissom.

They spent the remainder of the day in bed in each other's arms. It bothered Grissom that Sara seemed a bit melancholy. He wondered if she had decided about their future and was afraid to tell him. Perhaps she had decided that starting a family was a mistake. He wouldn't blame her. His age was a factor. They didn't speak of it but still, he knew that Sara would be left to care for their children. Hell! At the moment, he did feel old. He berated himself for the time he had wasted. All he had to do was let himself love Sara. They could have married years ago and already have children. He pulled her close to him. He didn't realize his embrace was so tight until Sara gently pulled away.

"We need to talk."

Grissom groaned inwardly. _She's going to finally tell me. I waited too long. She's better off with someone young. _

"I don't think there is ever going to be a good time with our jobs to plan a family."

Grissom continued to hold her. He was glad the room was dark and she could not see his face.

"Sara, I'm happy just being with you. If that is not enough for you…"

"I don't think we should plan. I think we should just try and if it happens, it happens."

Grissom's heart skipped a beat. He couldn't believe his ears. He quickly switched on the over head lamp and stared down at her.

"Are you sure?"

"I just don't want you to be disappointed if it never happens. I'm thirty-five and …"

He kissed her over and over and grinned. _She's worried about her age, not mine. That's my Sara!_

"It's time for my yearly check up and I will discuss everything with my O.B and if there is no reason why we can't try then I'll let you decide when to use or not use protection."

This was a very big change for Sara and she was willing to do it. Grissom held her close and began to make love to her but then suddenly stopped. "Wait. You didn't mention m…. "

"Let's just see where this goes. One step at a time. Please Gil.."

"You know that by not using protection, we are really planning..." He grinned when he felt the nudge in his ribs. It was semantics. He knew that she feared she could not get pregnant. Her periods had always been irregular.

"Sara, I'm happy with just the two of us. If we have a child, then that is wonderful. If it never happens, I won't be disappointed. Will you?"

"You will be disappointed just as I will. I just don't want to become obsessive about it. Some women jump for the pregnancy test the first day their period is late. We both know that will be impossible for me to do."

"Would like to add this as a rule?"

"How many rules do we have now?"

"I'm not sure but I like it when we make up after breaking one."

"There's rule number two." Sara did not remind him of the ultimatum.

"Can we get back to what we were about to do or do you wish to continue this conversation?"

Sara giggled as Grissom continued to make love to her. _Yes. I can't wait._

Note: remember I am taking a huge leap by trying to figure out what is going to happen in the next shows so don't be disappointed if I mess up the story line. Please remember to give reviews. Thanks for being patient for these next installments. I hope you enjoy them.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty Four:

Sara and Catherine began searching for evidence from the crime scene. Sara tried to hide her discomfort at knowing the victim was Lady Heather. Brass and Sara had discussed Lady Heather over quite a few dinners while Grissom was away. Brass was the only person Sara could trust to tell her anything about the woman without drawing attention.

She remembered what Brass had called her "A bad penny that just keeps showing up."

As they processed the scene, Sara could not help but wonder what another woman would think about Heather.

"What's she like?"

Catherine continued to collect evidence as she replied, "beautiful, smart, intense, charming. The only woman I've ever seen rattle Grissom." Catherine continued to say that she believed Grissom and Heather slept together. Sara had never thought that Grissom had been romantically involved with anyone else. _He wasn't capable of love until now. Unless he just couldn't bring himself to love me until now. _Sara tried not to be jealous but she was unnerved Catherine continued to goad Sara. She glanced at Sara trying to read her face but was disappointed when Sara turned her back. She had hoped Sara would open up to her about the secret relationship but she could tell it was going to be difficult if not impossible. Catherine tried one last shot.

"More power to him to find someone outside of work. Start fishing from the company pier and you're asking for trouble." She again glanced at Sara but Sara did not fall for it. _Well, if she hasn't taken the hint by now she's never going to. _Catherine decided to give it a rest. Sara wasn't going to confess anything to her about Grissom.

Sara's curiosity got the best of her and when Catherine asked her to go to the hospital to collect the evidence, she did not balk. Sara glanced at Brass who was in the hospital room asking Heather some questions. She could tell by his tone that he did not like the woman. He also did not like it that she was skirting around the truth. Sara introduced herself and began taking photos for evidence. She stopped when Heather's attention was diverted to the person standing in the doorway, it was Grissom. Sara suddenly felt very awkward but she stood and watched the expressions play across Grissom and Heather's face. There was a familiar look that she had seen before and her stomach lurched. Grissom cared for this woman.

Grissom was surprised when Lady Heather reappeared into his life at this moment. It had been several months since he had seen her and although he considered her a close friend they had not kept in contact. Lady Heather had her life and well, he had just found his.

He had not realized that she had given his name in the event of an emergency. She trusted very few people but she had grown to trust him. He was one of the few men she would allow into her private life. The thought was a bit ironic since Lady Heather made her living by using men. She was a high class prostitute by choice. Her intellect could match Grissom's and he knew that she could have done anything with her life but she chose that profession.

"I'll be done in a minute," said Sara as she picked up her things and walked out of the room. She intentionally did not make eye contact with Grissom. She made her exit leaving Grissom alone with Heather. Brass was waiting down the hall for her.

"Dinner?"

"I'm sorry but I think I just lost my appetite." He walked Sara to her car and stood looking down at the ground.

"Brass, it's okay. I was bound to run into her eventually." Sara started the car and drove away. Jim stood there cursing under his breath. He had a feeling that Lady Heather was going to be trouble for them.

Back at the lab, Grissom began going through the evidence collected from the crime scene.

"Any results on Heather Kessler?" asked Grissom

"So far all of the prints come back to her. Player piano, whiskey bottle, shot glass. There was some lipstick around the rim. I haven't had a chance to test it. Do you think it's her shade?" Grissom was not amused by Sara's statement. She could not resist the jab. It was not like he had done anything wrong with Lady Heather or had he? They continued to talk about the evidence. Sara kept their personal feelings out of the case this time and went into work mode just as Grissom was doing. Sara was having difficult doing that this time.

He was floored to discover that Heather had not tried to fight off her attacker. He looked at Sara in puzzlement. "She's very strong and tough as nails. Why didn't she fight?" Sara did not care to know. She just wanted to go home. After the evidence was tagged, Sara left. She had noticed Grissom had left earlier. When she arrived home, there was a note from Grissom letting her know that he had taken care of Bruno but had to go out. Sara lay down on the couch and waited. Grissom did not return.

The next night was relatively calm. Sara was glad since she had not bothered to sleep. She was furious that Grissom had not returned home. She expected to see him in the lab but he had not bothered to show up there either. She had begun to worry until Brass called and told her he had been spotted with Lady Heather. Brass knew that she was hurt but her pride refused to let on.

After the death of the security guard, Brass and Catherine obtained a warrant to search Lady Heather's home. Catherine couldn't help but wonder what Brass had meant from his statement that night. Catherine had been blunt with him in hopes of finding out something. If Grissom intended to hurt Sara, she was going to warn her.

"Okay, Jim I know you know something about Grissom and Lady Heather so give it up."

"I know something a lot juicier than Grissom and Lady Heather." The conversation had ended there when they discovered the security guard had been killed.

It had taken all night just to get the warrant since many of the judges knew Lady Heather on a personal intimate level. They were both astonished to find out that Heather had an alibi for the night; it was Grissom! He had spent the night at her home. Brass walked out of the house and began to curse. "I think he's lost his mind."

"You can say that again!" glared Catherine. Grissom knew there would be hell to catch from them later but he also wondered if Sara knew.

Catherine followed Grissom into his office.

"So you were there all night. You want to explain why?"

"No."

I know that you don't go home and cuddle your insects all night but why would you go there knowing that we're in the middle of an investigation with her as our prime suspect and now she has you as her alibi."

"It was a social call and that's all"

"So when your personal life gets tangled up in a case that's off limits?"

"Yes"

"Isn't that a bit hypocritical?"

"Apparently so"

"You know I would slap you but I think you would enjoy it too much."

Grissom tried to explain he had gone over there on a hunch because he felt there was something wrong with Heather. It seemed to appease Catherine a little.

She continued to glare at him. _He's about to screw up his career for a prostitute and he's about to lose Sara. _

Catherine could not believe what she was hearing. As she was about to leave, she noticed the miniature Grissom was making. She was now convinced that Grissom had gone off the deep end.

Grissom closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He knew that sooner or later he would have to face Sara. Grissom waited until Wendy and Catherine left before going in to talk with Sara alone. He tried to find the right words but he could tell she had not slept. The hurt was apparent in her eyes.

"We may have a suspect."

"I'm the only one Heather trusts"

"I get it"

"Sara?"

"Yeah"

He started to say something but then stopped. He was at a lost for words.

"It's fine. Do what you need to do." Sara walked out of the room. He wanted to say more but the office was not the place. _I'm sorry if I hurt you._

Grissom drove home and sat in his car. He was glad to see Sara's car parked outside. He quietly opened the door and looked around. Bruno came running to him. He checked the bedroom but Sara was not there. He then glanced at his phone for messages but there were none. Grissom searched the regular places for leaving notes but couldn't find one. _She's mad and she's just out. _He then remembered her car was parked out front. A sinking feeling washed over him. He flipped his phone open and dialed Brass.

"I don't talk with stupid dumn a…"

"Sara's gone."

"Do you blame her for leaving? You…."

"Jim, her car is parked out front and Bruno is here. I'm worried."

There was silence on the other end. Brass then cleared his throat. "She could be out with one of the guys."

"They wouldn't know to pick her up here."

Just at that moment, the door opened and Sara walked in. Grissom relayed the message to Brass and then turned his fury on Sara.

"Where have you been?" Sara was panting. It was obvious she had been running. His question all but knocked the remaining air out of her. _Oh no he didn't! How dare he ask me where I've been when he spent the night with another woman. A woman that had feelings for him! _

Sara's fury was about to match Grissom's. They stood and glared at one another. Bruno came and sat between them. It was Sara who backed away. She walked out of the room and closed the bathroom. She felt the tears stinging her eyes. She swiped them away and jumped into the shower. She had just run five miles and was in no mood to fight.

She was exhausted. She towel dried her hair and walked into the bedroom. Grissom lay on the couch with Bruno at his side. He had fallen asleep. She dressed in some sweats and went into the kitchen. She noticed the heavy creases over his eyes and knew that he had not slept much in the last couple of days. She walked over and placed a blanket over him. She then took her tea and sat out on the deck.

A couple of hours later, she could hear him moving throughout the house in search of her. Grissom opened the door and joined her. He sat down beside her and did not say a word. When she started to get up, he stopped her.

"I was worried that something had happened to you."

"If you had bothered to look at the note in the bathroom, you would have seen that I had gone running."

"There was no note in the bathroom."

"The note had fallen off and I found it on the floor when I took my shower. I'm sorry but we were running out of tape."

"Why didn't you take Bruno?"

"I wanted to be alone."

Grissom felt like a fool. He knew he was about to get it.

"Sara…"

"Gilbert, if you are going to berate me let me remind you that the same rules that apply to me apply to you. I waited for you to come home but you never did. I searched all over the lab trying to find you. Believe me it's not easy when you're pretending to not make a big deal out of it but it is. Do you have any idea how worried I was?

"I just got a taste of it…"

"No Gil. You didn't. You only had to wonder for a few minutes, I spent hours worrying. Then I get to hear through the office grapevine how you spent the night with Lady Heather."

"Honey, I'm sorry."

"I'm glad you wanted to help a friend. I'm not even mad that you wanted to stay with this friend but it hurt that you chose not to tell me. I would hope that I matter to you." Grissom tried to hold her hand but she pulled away from him.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"She is going to be given visitation with her granddaughter. I think she is going to be fine."

"I'm glad it worked out for her. I know you care a lot about her."

"Sara"

"Yeah"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going. I didn't know how to explain Lady Heather to you."

"Catherine believes you and she were intimate once."

"Catherine believes a lot of things. I just wanted to try to save her from herself just as you saved me."

"You don't have to explain your actions to me. I just wanted to know you were okay. I need to know you are okay."

"I need to know if **we're** okay."

"We're fine." Her words were blunt. She indicated no emotion behind them. He started to ask her about those two words but she didn't give him time. She got up and went inside. Sara looked at the clock and laughed. She would be back at work again soon. She wondered if she would be able to go another 8 hours without sleep. _This has to stop. I can't live like this. _

She changed her clothes and left. Grissom sat there. _Yep. I've really screwed up this time._

Note: give reviews! Thanks for reading,


	35. Chapter 35

Note: Thanks for being patient. I hope you enjoy. Please don't forget to give a review.

Chapter Thirty Five:

As Grissom headed to the shower, he noticed their bed had not been slept in. The same clothes that had been flung there were still in their place. _Another crime scene. Sara, the victim. Me the perp. Me the jerk. I have to get this right._

He cursed under his breath since he knew that Sara would now be going on her third shift with little or no sleep. _This has got to stop. I can't keep doing this. How can we even begin to think about having a child…_

Sara leaned against the hood of the Denali. One more body to process and then they would be done. The guys looked at her but didn't say a word. The few times they had inquired about her, she would simply reply, "I'm fine." They all knew what that meant. Sara was troubled by something and she didn't want to talk about it.

Nick whispered to Greg. "So, Greg. Did you come through for us?" Greg smiled and handed Nick the bottle. Nick opened the container and took a couple out. Warrick looked at the two. He hadn't liked the plan when they told him about it. "Are you sure it's the same prescription she's had before?" "Yep. I saw them one day in her car." Greg smiled. He looked at Sara and then back at the guys. "Now all we have to do is talk her into taking them." Warrick looked at Nick. "I'm fine with plan A but you better scratch plan B. I want no part of it."

Nick glanced over at Sara. "She'll take them for me."

Before long they were back in their vehicles returning to the lab. Grissom was waiting for them in the conference room. After being debriefed, they went about processing the evidence. Sara immediately paired herself with Greg and began sifting through the evidence bags. Grissom stood and watched them for a moment. When she refused to make eye contact with him, he left the room.

Sara yawned as she organized the bags in order of priority. Greg glanced at her.

"Not sleeping still?"

"No. I thought I would call Ripley's and see what the record is."

"Have you thought about taking something to help you sleep?"

"Unfortunately I'm all out at the moment."

Greg opened his pocket and handed her the bottle of pills. She stared at him dumbfounded. Greg opened the container and handed her a couple of pills. "They're the same as your prescription."

Sara smiled at the gesture. "Greg, you're not supposed to share medication."

"You said yourself, you had a prescription but you just ran out. What's the harm?"

Sara declined and kept on working. Greg tossed them in his pocket and resumed working. They would have to go to plan B.

Nick passed Sara in the hall and he pulled her aside. "Sara, we all know that you haven't been sleeping well. He handed her two pills with a glass of water. We only have an hour or so before the shift is over. Take them. By the time they go into effect, the shift will be over. You've told me yourself, the pills take a couple of hours to work." Sara looked at the pills and then at Nick. "Please." _Why not? _Sara took the pills and swallowed them. Nick beamed. "That's my girl!"

Warrick and Nick sat at the table and argued over sports teams. Sara sat beside them and played with the coffee stirs that had been left on the table. Greg handed her a cup of tea and she took it gratefully. Greg smiled as he watched her drink. They sat and chatted about music. With each drink, Greg began to beam. When the cup was empty, Greg took it from her. "It's my own special blend." He glanced over at Nick and winked. Nick's mouth fell open.

"It's good but I better not drink another cup. I want to sleep when I get home." Sara got up and headed down the hall.

Nick grabbed Greg by the arm. "You didn't spike the tea did you?"

"Yep and she drank the whole thing."

"I told you not to go with plan B until I tried plan A on her."

"What's the problem? I saved you the effort. Besides she had already turned me down. What makes you think you could do any better?"

"The problem is you moron, she didn't turn me down. She took two of those in front of me!" The guys looked at one another and then ran after Sara. Warrick rolled his eyes.

"I told you guys this was a bad idea."

Grissom watched as the guys went flying down the hall. His curiosity got the better of him and he followed. They grabbed Sara by the arm and pulled her into the men's room.

"Guys!" She whirled around to see them in a panic. "What's the problem?"

"How do you feel?"

"I'm fine." _Actually I feel like I'm walking on clouds. Greg's tea is great!_

Nick looked at Greg. "Get her in the stall." They piled into a stall with Sara in tow.

"Sar, honey, I need you to put your finger down your throat and throw up."

"Nick, are you nuts? Why would I want to do that?" _Wow, are we in the men's restroom?_

"Greg spiked your tea with sleeping pills." said Warrick who was checking to make sure the bathroom was empty.

"Greg!" _That's the best tea I've ever had!_

"I'm sorry Sara. I just wanted you to get some rest."

They proceeded to try to coax Sara into throwing up.

"Sara, I used to do this all the time to get out of going to school. You have to place these two fingers in the very back of your mouth. Like this" Greg was demonstrating his technique when Grissom entered the bathroom. The guys looked at one another as Grissom stood dumb founded. The silence was broken when Greg threw up. Sara smirked.

"What's going on here?" asked Grissom as he closed the door behind him.

"Nothing!" said Greg and Nick in unison. Warrick rolled his eyes again. "Okay guys you had better spill it now. We don't know how Sara is going to react…"

Sara slumped to the floor. The room had begun to spin. Sara continued to smirk.

"Hey! Gilbert! I feel great. Really I do. Who keeps moving the floor?"

Grissom came over and grabbed Sara's arm. "Somebody better speak up fast."

Warrick spilled the beans. "Nick talked Sara into taking two sleeping pills but Greg spiked her tea with two."

"What the hell were you two thinking? Get Doc Robbins up here now!"

"Sara, I think you need to try Greg's technique of throwing up," said Grissom in an agitated voice. Sara did not respond. Grissom knew it was useless and he led half supported Sara out of the bathroom. She tried to pull away but her arms would not cooperate. He caught her just as she collapsed. He knelt down and tried to get her to wake up. "Sara, you can't go to sleep right now." When she didn't respond, he picked her up and carried her to the office.

He shut the door leaving the guys to hang outside. Grissom checked her pulse and cursed under his breath. He was relieved when Doc Robbins came into the room.

"Nick filled me in. Let's take a look at her." Doc began to check Sara as Grissom stood by.

"Four pills are not enough for an overdose. From her appearance earlier tonight, the exhaustion coupled with the sleeping pills will probably put her out for quite some time. When she wakes up, she may feel a bit nausea or dizzy initially but she'll be okay. I would have someone stay with her and make sure she doesn't have any adverse reaction. I don't know that much about Sara's medical history so it's best to be cautious." Grissom's jaw was still clenched. He wanted to choke Nick and Greg. Doc Robbins left. The guys came to the door and peered in.

"She's going to be okay, isn't she?" asked Greg.

"Yes. We need to get her home." Grissom tossed his keys to Nick. "Pull the car up to the door and I'll carry her out. I'll deal with you two later."

The hours passed one by one. Grissom felt her skin and it was clammy. She had tossed the covers off several times but he would only place them on her again. She was dreaming. He tried to work in the living room but he would become alarmed by the passing of the hours and still she did not awake. Catherine had called to ask about Sara. They had guessed Grissom brought her home with him in order to watch over her. He knew the guys had probably put Catherine up to call since they had not called in the last hour. The first couple of hours, Nick and Greg called until Grissom put a stop to it. It was Catherine's turn to pump him for any information about her condition. He finally told Catherine that he would call them when she woke up but as the 16th hour approached, he was getting worried. He had even called Doc Robbins who assured him that as long as she had a steady pulse and was not having any difficulty in breathing, Sara was getting the rest she needed.

Twenty hours later, Sara began to stir but this time she began to moan. He heard her bump into the dresser as she tried to make her way to the bathroom. He grabbed her by the arm and made her sit down but she was insistent to be taken to the bathroom. She pushed him away as she closed the door. It was then that he heard the dry heaves. He gave her a few minutes and then knocked on the door.

"Sara?"

"Go away."

"Honey, can I come in?"

He peered through the door and could see her resting her head on the bathtub. He waited a few more minutes and then walked in. He reached down, picked her up gently and carried her back to the bed.

He brought a wet washcloth to hold against her head. The cool cloth felt wonderful and she placed her hand over his while he continued to hold it in place.

"Doc says the nausea and dizziness will pass. You need to try to eat something."

"I think I died."

"I think you were lucky. Do you remember what happened?"

Sara began to recall the events of the last shift. "Nick and Greg."

"They're lucky I don't fire them."

"Don't be angry with them. They only wanted to help."

Grissom started to argue but he decided he would let it go. They were talking again. It was a start.

After a meal and some non spiked tea, Sara felt great. She hadn't had this much energy in a long time. She took Bruno for a five mile run and returned to find Grissom asleep in the chair with a book in his lap. She walked over and gently removed his glasses. She stood there and watched him sleep. She loved the man, faults and all. She wouldn't have him any other way.

She bent down on her knees and placed her head on his shoulder. She felt his arms go around her and they quietly began a session. They had not done one in along time.

She recalled another time when she had knelt down on bended knee and he had embraced her. She had felt like she had gone to confession. Her soul was cleansed and her spirit was rejuvenated. This time it was Grissom who felt the cleansing. He spoke of his fear that she would grow tired of him. He feared that he would continue to falter in human relationships and he didn't want to drive her away. He confessed he would simply cease to exist if she were to leave.

She sat there and listened to him profess the same fears she had herself. He smiled when she confessed that before that day in her apartment, she had merely existed but had not truly lived. She could not bear the thought of living a single moment without him in her life. Without him there would be no her. She wiped the tears from his eyes as he did the same for her.

He clasped her face in his hands as he kissed her tenderly on the lips and with each kiss their passion grew. It had been awhile since they had been intimate. It had been too long. They each needed to feel loved and be loved and they added a new rule to their long list of rules: neither could exist without the other. It was not said in haste or without thought. It was merely a statement of fact. One was no good without the other. By finding one another they could never leave each other.

The trail of discarded clothing led to the bedroom. They had managed to stop long enough for the clothing to be tossed aside and the covers thrown to the side of the bed. Grissom had made love to Sara urgently. She had wanted to go slow but she knew he needed her in a primal way at that moment and she would not deny him. He had called out her name over and over as if he needed validation from her and she softly kissed him as she joined him into the abyss. He continued to hold her as their breathing returned to normal. Their lovemaking had never been so intense before. It had felt different this time. It had felt like a renewal of sorts. He rolled over to face her and she returned his look.

"Sara…" Grissom tried to express how he was feeling at this moment.

"I don't need you to tell me you love me. I felt it. I think for the first time it felt like we were one." He agreed. Their lovemaking had always been wonderful but this was so much more. There were no words to explain it.

Perhaps it had been the confessions of their fears of the heart that had catapulted them to the next level. They didn't know. There was a feeling of contentment, of wholeness, of oneness, of… knowing they would be together forever. They accepted the new rule. They embraced it. It was the most honest expression of their relationship. It had been there all along but they could not bring themselves to admit it so openly to one another for fear that the other did not feel the same. It was one thing to profess your love to someone but it was another thing to admit that there was nothing that could separate them. Tonight they could only move forward. Sara reveled in this change.

"Change can be good sometimes" whispered Sara.

"Yes, it can."

Grissom closed his eyes and made a mental calendar in his mind, day one.

The next day Greg and Nick were anxious to see Sara. They had been relieved to hear that she was fine. They watched as she walked into the break room with a smile on her face.

"Hey, Greg, got any more of that special tea?"

Greg turned red and began to apologize but Sara leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. She then walked over and hugged Nick. As she headed toward her office she called over her shoulder "Best sleep I've had in years."

Nick and Greg stared at one another. Warrick broke the silence.

"I don't get it"

Nick grinned and mumbled, "Somebody got it." He got up and headed to work as well. Greg continued to look baffled. "Do you think she wants another cup of …."

"NO!" yelled Nick and Warrick.

Grissom stuck his head out of his office and called down the hall "Hey guys, we're all meeting at the diner for dinner tonight."

Nick and Warrick stopped and stared down the hallway. They were still baffled. Greg caught up to them and whispered, "I'm telling you there's more to this story than we know." Nick and Warrick yelled at Greg "Shut up!"


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty Six:

"Sara pick up."

Grissom glanced at his watch. He tried to run through Sara's routine in his head but his mind was garbled by the noise around him.

_She's gone. Sara. The only person I've ever loved_

Brass confirmed his worse fear. Sara's car was found and there was evidence she had been taken hostage. The visions of Nick's kidnapping passed through his brain. Nick had been found but what were the odds that Sara would also. No one had survived the miniature killer.

The clock ticked in his brain and he began working in over drive. _Why didn't I figure_ _this out sooner?_ Natalie had been there all along in plain view. Grissom cursed under his breath. He brought the information to the team and they were shocked to know that the miniature killer had been right there in the lab. Grissom's mind was still racing. His brain was slowly putting all of the pieces together and he cringed at the realization that he was the reason Sara had been taken. He had screwed up.

His mind recalled all of the conversations with Sara about their relationship. He had not bothered to guard their relationship as much as Sara. _I'm a fool!_ _If I had sent her away that day as I had intended this wouldn't have happened. I knew that I may be a target and_ _now it might cost Sara her life!_ Time was against him. Time was against Sara.

The others were slowly catching up with Grissom. Catherine said it herself. "It feels different." It was different all because of Grissom. He had made it personal by making the miniature. He had coaxed the killer into his life. He had placed Sara under the car.

His gut wrenched at the conclusion.

They sat there quietly and pretended to be shocked when they heard those words uttered from Grissom's mouth. "…now she's going to take away the only person I've ever loved."

This was not the way they wanted to be told. Nick had hoped it would be during one of their outings for breakfast. Grissom and Sara would casually tell them and he would pretend to be shocked. He was sad to see the hurt in Grissom's voice. This was not the way.

Warrick looked at the others to see if they had known but no one seemed to let on. He decided to keep his knowledge to himself. He hoped that the others would do the same at least until Sara was found.

Catherine stared out into space. She knew Grissom would need their support if Sara did not make it. She marveled at how far Grissom had come and she knew it was because of Sara. She wasn't sure what would happen if Sara died. She didn't want to think about that.

Greg was shocked to hear Grissom profess something so private and he wondered why Sara never told him. He wondered if Sara loved Grissom but then he knew the answer to that. She had always loved Grissom. Somewhere deep down, he had always known that.

Grissom stood and watched the weather forecast and his stomach continued to churn. For a fleeting moment, he wasn't sure he wanted to find her. He wasn't sure he could look at her lifeless body. He knew he could not lose her without losing himself. Time was the assailant now. It was time to be Grissom again.

He ran out of the room and headed to the computer. His brain had latched onto a detail. Something that might help him locate the killer. He was determined to find her. He had to find her. Then, the name appeared on the screen. He was racing again back to the others. They were racing now. They all knew that time was running out.

Brass and Grissom stood outside the interrogation room and stared at Natalie.

" I don't want to waste time screwing around with this nutcase. I'm going

to get some bleach and drip it on her until she gives up the location. And they

can't accuse us of police brutality for that."

" I want to talk to her, Jim. Alone."

Grissom walked into the room and pulled up a chair next to Natalie.

"Hi, Natalie. My name's Gil. It's so nice to finally meet you. I ...

uh ... probably shouldn't say this, but ... I'm a huge fan. I've been a crime scene investigator for 22 years. I've worked over two-thousand homicides, and you are by far ... the best I've ever seen. I mean you're such a great artist. And to be so young and so talented and ... so pretty. I've thought about you every night for the last nine months.

I even tried to do what you do. I built my own miniature."

Natalie began to take notice and she actually nodded.

"You saw it?"

Natalie nodded. Grissom smiled. He was getting through to her.

"How'd I do?"

Natalie shrugged as though to imply it wasn't too good.

"Do you play chess?"

Natalie shook her head.

"I play as a hobby. It quiets my mind, you know? Soothes me. At one

point, I became so consumed by it that whenever I closed my eyes, I could see

the chess pieces moving all around the board. I was obsessed with correcting

all my bad moves. I wondered if a game could ever be played without a mistake.

I'd love to play you sometime."

Natalie smiled.

"I'm so impressed by the way you embrace your passion. You'd make a

great CSI. This last one was brilliant. You studied our crime scene so well.

Tracking the car to the junkyard and then towing it all the way out to the

desert where you knew we wouldn't find it. And then ... the way you killed

Sara."

Natalie gasped and shook her head slowly. "I didn't kill her."

"You didn't?" Grissom heart leaped. Sara was still alive. For a second, he lost his poker face and Natalie saw the vulnerability in his eyes.

Natalie eyes grew cold. "This is about her. Her, her, her! It's always about her!"

"No, it isn't, Natalie. It's about you."

"It's always about her."

Natalie began to sang the strange song they had heard from Natalie's biological father.

"Oh, sad was the day for the little bisque doll,

for they cut all her stitches away,

and found the seat of the terrible ache;

T'was a delicate task..."

Grissom realized he had made a grave error. He had displayed his emotions.

"Natalie, listen to me -- tell me where she is."

Natalie just stared in front of her and continued to recite the eerie lines to the song in the same distant voice.

"For none of the doctors had ever before

performed on a dolly's inside."

"Natalie. Please tell me where Sara is."

Natalie continued to sing the song, oblivious to Grissom's presence.

"They tried to re-stuff her but didn't know how,

and this was her wail as she died..."

Grissom grabbed Natalie's shoulders and shook her.

"STOP IT! Just stop this! Tell me where Sara is!"

Natalie was no longer present with him in her mind. She continued to sing

"I've got a pain in my sawdust."

Grissom let her go and covered his mouth with his hand. There was no way he was

going to get any rational information out of her. He had lost his chance to find out where Sara was.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter Thirty Seven:

Grissom heart sank as the rain continued to pour. _Time is running out. I need time. I need to tell_ _her how much I love her_. _I need to tell her how my life began when she offered her_ _love to me and I took it. _ He needed more time. "God, give me more time."

"Catherine, I'll be back; you can reach me by phone if you need me." He grabbed his jacket and left. Catherine watched as he fled the lab. She had seen him do this before and she knew where he was headed.

Grissom found himself standing in the front door. He had not been there in awhile. He felt guilty for his lapse of faith. He felt guilty for running to God only when he seemed all was lost. He remembered kneeling before that altar before. It wasn't that long ago when he had done the same thing when Nick was missing. This was different. It was Sara. It was his life at stake now.

He didn't think he could go on without Sara. He didn't think he could find the strength.

He remembered their last rule: one could not exist without the other. The truth of the statement lingered over his head like a death shroud. He ran his hand through his hair. He bowed his head and tried to pray but the words could not or would not come. He felt this anger rise inside of him. He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted the fear to dissipate. _This is how love feels. _This was what he had avoided but now he would give his own life to keep it. He needed to love Sara. _Without you, I'm not whole. Without you, I am nothing. _ He also knew he could not…no he would not live without her.

Father Brannigan came and sat down beside Grissom. He had known Grissom for years and while he did not attend mass on a regular basis, he knew that Grissom was a religious man. He had spoken with him before and after his employee had been found. He wished that he would see Grissom on a lighter day but he also knew that something was terribly wrong. He waited for Grissom to tell him about Sara. He had already seen the news report and had been praying for her return. Father Brannigan began to pray out loud for Sara. Grissom lowered his head as his tears streamed down his face. Here he had sanctuary. He could let his feelings be known. Out there he had to hide what was most precious to him, Sara.

"Gil, I know that we don't always understand why God chooses to take the persons we love the most but it should ease your mind to know that you will see her again. This earth is only a fleeting moment but heaven is eternity. You will be with her again in heaven."

The words were not comforting. The words stung. He had never talked with Sara about her religious convictions. He thought there was time. Time for another session. Time. He hated time. He never thought he would lose her, not after the night they came to realize that there was nothing they could not get through. They never thought about death. He was sick of death. He had made his living through death and now he was about to lose his life because of death. There wasn't even the comfort of eternity. The thought of never spending eternity with Sara was unbearable.

"I don't know if Sara believes," he whispered.

Grissom had hoped that he would feel better after going by the church but instead he felt desolation. Now, he had no sanctuary. Grissom had come there to pray they would find Sara alive. He found himself praying more feverishly that Sara believed.

Sara had lost count of the hours as she lay under the car. She initially panicked when she was left alone. For hours she tried to free herself but to no avail. She tried to scream but she knew there was no one to hear her cries for help. At last Sara recalled another time in her life when she had felt the same desolation. She recalled the night her mother killed her father. She had never felt so alone in the world but Sara had learned about the power of prayer. She learned that when you believed, you were never alone. "Never alone." The words seemed to echo. Sara smiled.

In her fear she had forgotten about her faith. Sara didn't know why she had not prayed. In times of crisis, Sara often said a prayer. She prayed the night she heard Grissom's confession to a suspect that he couldn't risk his career to be with her. She prayed that he would let her love him. He needed to be loved. She also prayed the night Grissom delivered the ransom money to Nick's captor. When she heard there had been an explosion her prayers went up in earnest. Grissom had been unharmed. She had also prayed for Nick. Yes, she had prayed many times and her prayers had been answered.

Now as she lay beneath the car, she had forgotten to call upon God. She knew however, that sometimes God had other plans. She knew that she might not be able to hold on until help arrived. She wiped a tear from her eye. The last year had been the best year of her life. Grissom had let her into his life. Grissom had returned her love.

She was thankful the most for that answered prayer. They had never spoken about religion before. She knew Grissom had been raised as a Catholic but did he truly believe? The thought of never seeing Grissom again rocked her to the core. Sara prayed that she would be able to see Grissom again but more importantly she prayed that he believed.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter Thirty Eight

As the rain began to pour, Sara tried to keep her head above water. She could feel the car start to shift. Sara tried to keep her footing as the water moved the car freeing her. As the car filled with water, Sara held her breath and with one plunge she swam away from the car. She pulled herself up and stood there standing in the rain.

She immobilized her broken arm by using a piece of her shirt for a sling. She then grabbed the mirror off the car to use as a signal when morning came. She wasn't going to go down without a fight. _It's not my day to die._ Sara began walking.

Nick's frustrations were running high. He swiped at the objects nearby and they clanged to the floor. He had been searching Natalie Davis place and was getting nowhere. He wanted to fall apart but he so desperately wanted to find a clue to help Sara. _It's not fair. I was found. Why can't we find Sara? _Nick recalled a conversation he had with Sara recently when he had become obsessed with finding a little girl. Sara had warned him that they might not find her alive but Nick refused to believe it. She had gone on to say how it was not his time to die.

He prayed Sara believed that about herself. His anger grew. It was not fair. Nick had lived a good life. He had wonderful parents, had a great childhood and had been relatively content. If he had died then it would have been alright. He then thought of Sara. Sara had grown up in an abusive home, she had spent years trying to get Grissom to love her and now that she was finally happy this had to happen. He sat and prayed that it was not Sara's time to die. He then glanced over and saw the clue he had been praying for.

The minutes changed to hours and still they were hopeful. Grissom went through the motions now. He could see himself discussing the facts of the case like it was just another missing person. Nick had been able to pinpoint where the car had been dropped. They were on their way now to the site. His heart sank when he saw Nick pull out the jacket with the letters "S-I-D-L-E."

He felt his heart constricting against his chest but he had to take control of the situation. He was the leader and he was expected to lead. He walked into the desert following her clues. _I'm with you Sara. I'm always with you._

At that moment he felt a slight breeze and he stared out across the desert. The wind was soft against his skin. He remembered the time he had been working a case in when he had become frustrated that he could not locate the dead body which he knew was somewhere hidden in an apartment. Sara stood there and watched his anger overflow and she silently reached out and touched his cheek. She had pretended that she was just wiping chalk off but they both knew she was trying to comfort him. It had worked. _I need you Sara. Don't leave me._

It was then he saw the body partially hidden beneath the sand and his heart sank. He dared not breathe until he knew it was some other poor soul that had died. _Not my Sara. The only person I've ever loved._

His resolve was slipping and Catherine knew it. Perhaps that was the reason he wanted her to come with him instead of the others. She tried to comfort him by reminding him that Sara was a survivor. He wasn't so sure. They pressed on and with each step he prayed she would just be sitting over the hill waiting for them to take her home. He prayed that she was safe and he had a second chance. _A second chance, please God. A second chance with the only person I've ever loved._

Grissom was racing now. They had found her. There was no other news except she had been found and he must get to her. He must see for himself if she really was a survivor or if he had lost her. _Lost the only person I've ever loved._

The chopper headed to the hospital and he could do nothing but sit and watch. He held her hand and his heart was silently pleading with her to open her eyes. He saw a flutter and then she was staring at him. _The only person I've ever loved. I'm grateful for the second chance._


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter Thirty Nine:

Sara could not believe the irony of it all. As she walked in the desert, she wondered if Grissom would ever know the truth but then again of course he wouldn't because there would be no one to tell him. Sara smiled at the thought. Here she was walking along doing her times tables and she wasn't even mad at him. She was just trying to keep her mind functioning.

Her mind drifted back to the time when they had discussed exposing their relationship. She had planned to tell Grissom that she was finally ready for change. Sara had even checked into the swing shift position and was going to discuss it with Grissom that night. It was funny how you could finally make a major decision that would affect your life and then life threw you a curb ball. Sara smirked. It was more like being hit by the pitcher and then slammed before being able to walk to first base. Life could suck sometimes.

She was determined that she would get out of this mess. She had a life to live finally and she wasn't going to give up that easily. She hoped that the team would find her soon since she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold on. She remembered her words to Nick and she said them aloud to herself. _It's not my time to die. _

She then remembered the night she and Grissom had stayed in a hotel to be close to Brass when he was in the hospital. She recalled Grissom talking about death and dying. She had smiled at him and said _I'm not ready to say goodbye. _. She didn't want to give up now. She just wanted to be with Grissom. If she was going to die she wanted to die in his arms. She wondered how he would get along without her. _I'll always be with you Gil._

She remembered the last rule they had implemented and she stopped dead in her tracks.

"One could not exist without the other." _Damn. _She hadn't thought about death. They had only agreed that one could not be without the other. They could get through anything. She wasn't sure about death. She didn't want him to… What had he said before, "I can't live without you." She told herself he would and he should. She should have insisted on another rule:

"One has to go on if the other dies." That rule was silly. She could no more go on if she lost him.

She wondered if he would move on and learn to love someone else or if he would return to his isolation and never venture out again. The latter thought made her angry. If she did die, she would find a way to come back and kick him in the ass. She would let Brass do that for her. She could count on him. She now had to focus on putting one step in front of the other.

When she felt herself losing the battle, she thought about how they would find her lifeless body. At least the COD would be easy to determine, dehydration. There was too much irony in it all. Just last night she was afraid she would drown and now what she wouldn't give for a drop of water. Now there would be a twist for the ole textbooks: dead body with water in the lungs dies of dehydration.

She wondered if Grissom would see the irony in it. She wondered if Grissom would work the case. She wouldn't want someone else to touch her body. She knew that he would do it with tenderness and care. She wondered if he would remember why her bra did not match her panties and share this information with Doc. She wondered what was taking them so long. Her mind screamed. _I'm not ready to say goodbye. Don't make me say goodbye. God, please give me another chance. I don't want to be part of a crime scene. I've had enough of crime scenes._

As she collapsed she prayed she could hang on until he was able to find her. He would need to find her alive. She closed her eyes. It was good to rest.

She could hear the voices but she was too tired to open her eyes. _It's Nick and Sophia._. _Where's Grissom?_

A familiar voice was calling that he was going too. _He's found me. I knew he would._

She felt herself being lifted and carried onto the chopper. Again she tried to open her eyes. She slowly made out the lettering on the field jacket G-R-I-S-S-O-M. Then she saw his smile.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter Forty:

As they hung around in the waiting room, they each looked at one another. They were each thinking the same thing but no one wanted to verbalize it. Greg finally came out with it.

"When did you guys find out?"

"I've known about it since the night Grissom dropped off dinner for Sara." Said Warrick

"I've got you beat," said Catherine. "I've know about it since the day Grissom came back from his sabbatical."

"I can better that," said Nick "I found out after my release from the hospital. I saw Grissom's dry cleaning in Sara's car."

"Sorry, but I have known ever since Grissom locked himself out of his townhouse. Sara was with him that day," grinned Brass.

They then looked at Greg. "I've always known. Sara can't keep anything from me," said Greg who didn't want to be left out of the conversation.

Sara always hated the smell of hospitals. It smelled of death. She wondered how anyone could actually get better in the sterile environment. There was no freshness, only the sickening smell of disinfectant. She drifted in and out and each time he was there, sitting in the chair next to the bed.

Each time she awakened she would try to make a mental note of his clothing. She couldn't remember if he had changed or if he stayed there. The pattern continued for several days until Sara became more awake and less sleep overtook her. It was on one of these days that she informed the nurse she did not want him to be allowed to visit her anymore.

Grissom had been coaxed out of the room by Brass. He assured him that stepping out to get a cup of coffee would not hurt. When he returned however, the nurse barred him from the room. He became agitated at this development.

"I've been there for the last two weeks. She doesn't know what she's saying." He continued to plead with the nurses. Catherine had arrived to the spectacle and she tried to calm Grissom. When she was unsuccessful, she called Brass. He quickly returned and pulled Grissom into the waiting area until Catherine could speak with Sara. Grissom paced the floors as he watched Catherine open and close Sara's room.

"No, Catherine. I won't change my mind. He has to go home. He has to get some rest. He has to go back to work. He needs to return our lives to normalcy."

Catherine looked at her and realized what Sara was saying. She had seen Grissom in the last couple of weeks and he seemed to be trapped in the nightmare.

"I want you to tell him that he can't come back here until I'm sure he's okay."

Catherine squeezed her hand and smiled. Sara could not get better if she had to worry about Grissom. She walked into the waiting area ready to do battle with Grissom.

"Catherine, you have to tell her to let me see her." He was almost pleading.

"No. I agree with Sara. She doesn't want to see you until you meet her conditions."

Grissom sighed. "Catherine, I don't have time for this…"

"She said you have to go home. You have to rest. You have to go back to work. Grissom she needs to put this behind her but she can't if you continue to act like this. She can't get better if you're not. She's worried about you. Do you understand what Sara needs from you right now?"

"normalcy." replied Grissom. She had tried to tell him that the other night but he wouldn't listen. Grissom stared at the closed room and said nothing.

Catherine glanced at Brass and nudged him. Brass walked over to Grissom and took him by the arm. "You can leave by yourself or with me but you are going to do what Sara has asked."

Grissom opened up his phone and called the nearest florist. "Yes, I would like a live plant delivered to Sara Sidle."

"The sentiment? Love Gilbert"

He walked out of the hospital to begin his second chance.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter Forty one:

She knew the physical therapy on her arm would be grueling. It continued to ache as a reminder of what she had endured. She was learning to ignore the pain. She was alive. She had been surprised when she awoke to find that their relationship was no longer a secret. Word has spread so quickly, she expected to see it broadcasted on the 6:00 news but there was only the mention of her rescue. She stared out the window of her hospital room and tried to move in her bed but she was still adjusting to the cast on her arm. It was difficult at night trying to find a restful position but at least she slept. Her lungs still burned but all in all, she had been lucky. She corrected herself, there was no such thing as luck. Her prayers had been answered.

She glanced at her watch and knew that he would be coming soon. It had been several days since she had seen him. He had begged her but she had remained firm. She insisted that he go back to work, go home each night and sleep. She needed him to be Grissom again. He had done just that.

The others had felt awkward at first but as Grissom stepped back into his normal routine they did as well.. The lab was running smoothly again. At least most things were back to normal. Sara wasn't sure she would ever be normal again. The incident had changed her. Sara was a survivor. She was blessed to call herself that but she also felt sad for the many that were not as fortunate. She wondered if Nick had felt this way after his ordeal.

She was deep in thought when he opened the door and shut it behind him. He walked over and kissed her gently on the lips. His actions caught her off guard and she looked around to see if anyone had seen the kiss.

"It's a little late for that. I believe everyone knows."

She started to ask but decided it was best not to know. There were too many changes happening at once and she was trying very hard to adjust to each and every one of them, particularly the cast.

Grissom watched the different expressions cross her face and he grew concerned.

"It's my fault that everyone knows. Ecklie has asked to see us once you are out of the hospital."

Sara looked at Grissom. She knew he would be worried about the consequences of Ecklie finding out.

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"Ecklie will most likely need to do an administrative hearing. Sara, I don't care. I only care about you getting better and coming home." _I'm worried about you. I know you hate change and there are going to be a lot of changes. _

Sara tried to smile at Grissom but it hurt. Her arm hurt. Her back hurt. Her heart hurt. She had seen the toll their love had taken on Grissom in just the last few weeks. She knew that one of them would have to leave the unit and she would never allow him to make that sacrifice for her even though she knew he would. The lab was a reflection of Grissom.

Besides, she had already contemplated on moving to the swing shift. She had already planned to discuss it with Grissom when Natalie had interrupted their lives. Natalie had disrupted a lot of things. One of which, Sara was not ready to talk about. She tucked it away for another time when she would be ready to face it. Not today.

The gang made their appearance one by one and then all together once the nurses gave up trying to minimize the number of persons in Sara's room with each visit. They joked with her and no one mentioned "the relationship" as it had been called around the office.

Grissom had chosen to take the "no comment" approach so no one asked him anything personal. Grissom still valued his privacy and they were going to honor it. They were glad that Sara was going home.

Grissom sat at the edge of their bed and watched as Sara tried to roll on her side. She was frustrated over the cast. He had offered to help but she had glared at him. He knew that she didn't like giving up so much of her independence. He tried to let her do most things on her own.

Sara was determined to make things normal as possible. Some things were not cooperating however. She glared at the cast.

She had been quiet for most of the ride home and he wandered if she was still reliving the hell in her head. He thought about the changes that were going on and wondered if he should say something.

"Sara"

"Yep"

"I love you."

She smiled at him. He moved over to his side of the bed and gently pulled her up next to him. The cast rested on his chest.

"Does it still hurt a lot?"

"I don't mind the pain. The way I see it, I don't have to wash my hair for several weeks. Of course you could always volunteer." Grissom's hand played with a few loose strands.

He was quiet for a moment.

"Do you want to talk about what you went through?"

"You mean what we went through?" Grissom smiled at the correction and kissed her.

"It was enough to live through it. I'm not going to let it take any more time from us."

"Sara, do you want to talk about…"

"No." It was an emphatic no and so he didn't push. He pulled out his mental calendar and noted the days. He would have to try again but she wasn't ready for another change just yet.

Since her first night back from the hospital Sara was awakened by Grissom's nightmares. At first, he refused to acknowledge the problem but it was the first topic she chose for their session. Grissom confessed he felt guilty for what had happened to her. He had displayed his love ever so slightly in public and Natalie had discovered their secret. Sara had already picked up on the guilty feelings. It made her heart heavy to think of how Grissom would have reacted if she had died. She didn't want him to feel any more guilt. She was determined to keep the old Grissom. It was who she had fallen in love with.

"Gil, if it's anyone's fault then blame it on Natalie. If you insist on blaming someone else, then blame me. I'm the one who pushed you into this relationship. Remember? I don't recall you chasing after me."

Grissom smiled at her and kissed her on the forehead.

"You were persistent and I well…I was an ass."

Sara smirked. "Jim would agree but I don't. I love you just the way you are."

They lay there on the bed enjoying the feel of each other. Grissom had fallen asleep but Sara was a bit restless so she decided she would curl up on the couch with a good book. She gently got out of bed and went into the living room. She had no sooner sat down when she heard him calling for her. He rushed into the room searching for her. His face was ashen and he seemed to have difficulty catching his breath. Sara began to panic. For a slit second she thought he was having a heart attack. She got to her feet and made him sit down on the couch. His heart began to slow. She sat there with him and monitored his breathing. Grissom became a bit annoyed when he noticed she was trying to take his pulse.

"I'm fine Sara." _No I'm not. I was in hell. I thought you were dead._

"Same dream again?"

Grissom did not reply. Sara knew the answer. _Damn Natalie. I hate to see him hurting._

Sara stood up and started to unbutton her top. Since she had returned home, she had opted for pajamas since they were easier to get on and off. She wasn't too sure about that at the moment. He sat there and watched her try to unbutton the top. When she gave up, he leaned over and finished the job for her. She then stripped off her remaining clothing.

Grissom thought that she was going to take a shower but instead she just stood there in front of him.

"Would you like for me to do your hair?" offered Grissom.

"I would like for you to come back to bed with me."

Several things raced through Grissom's mind most of which centered on how they could accomplish their goal with a cast. He decided he would be a willing participant if Sara was up to it. She led him back to the bedroom and she began to giggle as they tried several different positions each of which still involved the cast. An hour or so later, Sara

propped herself up with her good arm and smiled at Grissom.

"I've missed this."

"Me too. I just wasn't sure if you were ready." Grissom leaned over and kissed Sara gently on the lips. She curled up next to him, laying her head on his chest and listened.

"Sara, there's nothing wrong with my heart."

Sara felt a bit guilty for getting caught. She thought she was being subtle.

"As long as you're right here next to me, my heart is fine."

Sara kissed him long and hard. "How about that hair wash now?"

The nightmares continued for a few more nights. She made a point to remain in bed until he would awaken. It seemed to lessen his uneasiness of waking to an empty bed. He would often hold her tightly as he slept. Despite the discomfort, she never complained. It seemed to help him sleep and he needed his rest. The team had been putting in a lot of overtime these days trying to cover for her absence and she was ready to return. She wasn't sure she was ready to face the work however. Then again, there was Ecklie.

Tomorrow she had an appointment with Ecklie. Grissom had not mentioned when he would be meeting with the man. It was something they didn't want to discuss. She had already formulated a plan. She was going to ask to go to the swing shift. With all of the changes, she felt it made the most sense. She was just content to be with Grissom in their home. She smiled as she noticed Grissom's hand resting on her abdomen. She reviewed her mental calendar and kissed him slightly on the temple. She was glad he wasn't keeping track of it. Besides, they had promised not to do such a thing.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty Two:**

Sara appeared in the doorway and knocked lightly on the door to get Ecklie's

attention. He looked up and motioned her inside.

"Have a seat."

Ecklie tried once again to reach Grissom but only got his recorded message. Ecklie frowned as he waited for the beep.

"How's the arm?"

"Fractured in two places."

Ecklie raised his hand and proceeded to leave a message on Grissom's phone.

Sara smiled. She knew Grissom was probably avoiding Ecklie.

"It's feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"So, you must know where he is."

"Actually, I don't."

"Really?"

Ecklie didn't seem to believe her but then again Sara didn't care.

"Okay ... um ... Look, I don't want to play any games here. This

is as difficult for me as it is for you."

Ecklie closed his office door and got to the point.

"So let's just ... uh ... get this over with, shall we?"

"Okay then ... uh ... this is an administrative inquiry. You and

your supervisor were in direct violation of lab policy ..."

"Are," corrected Sara.

"Are" in direct violation of lab policy, which states that members of the same forensic team may not engage in a romantic relationship. So when did you and Supervisor Grissom begin your relationship?"

"We've always had a relationship."

"I mean, when did you become intimate?"

"Two years ago. I think it was a Sunday."

Ecklie found it hard to believe that the relationship had been going on for that length of time and no one had found out. Not even the office grapevine was privy to the information. He knew that Sara was still on medical leave so he didn't keep her long. He was determined to track down Grissom.

"Ichabod was horror-struck on perceiving that he was headless."

Nick grinned at Grissom's observation. He had missed the one liners. It seemed that Grissom was back to his old self.

Grissom continues further down the road. Nick and Greg hung back documenting the blood trail as Grissom worked ahead.

Nick looked out at Grissom, who continued on the trail.

"Hey, did Sara ever say anything to you about her and Grissom?"

"Not in so many words," admitted Greg.

"So you knew about the two of them?"

"Yeah," shrugged Greg.

Greg continued down the road before Nick could ask another question. Nick just stood and spread his arms wide. He couldn't believe Greg continued to pretend he knew about the relationship. Nick chuckled and continued on.

They continued to process the crime scene. Grissom was back in work mode and he was not missing a beat. Greg and Nick stood back and watched him work. It was good to see him involved in a case again. They had worried about him when Sara had been recuperating in the hospital. Now that she was home again, he was in better spirits.

The team was still concerned about the fall out from the secret. They were afraid for Grissom. Grissom, on the other hand did not seem to care in the least. He was just thankful that Sara was alive.

Conrad Ecklie moved through the hallway in search of Grissom. He was determined to corner him one way or another. He smiled when he spotted him in his office.

"You've been dodging me; it's time to talk."

Grissom remained seated at his desk. He displayed no emotion.

"Gil, nobody wants to hear about your love life less than I do, but since you didn't handle this right, I have to take a formal statement."

"Should've been a conversation between friends. I mean, we could've found some way around this. Catherine could have done Sara's evaluations. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"We didn't want you to know."

"Don't most women like the world to know they're dating someone?"

"Where do you get your information about women, Conrad?" _He obviously doesn't know Sara._

"Okay, so, when did you two, you know?"

Grissom was silent for a moment and then replied, "Nine years ago."

Ecklie rolled his eyes, "You know what? You two need to get your stories

straight."

Grissom and Sara sat in the car. Grissom took Sara's hand and kissed it. It had been a long shift and he had been relieved to come home to her. She had ordered out Chinese and they had spent the evening in bed together. They had been on a binge of sessions. They talked about violating the rules. Grissom was the main topic for that discussion but Sara didn't rub it in.

In fact, she seemed relieved that everyone knew now. She could resume her pop in lunch or dinner dates with the guys. Grissom had even become accustomed to having them around at all hours of the day. He realized they were Sara's family and well he considered them family now as well. It was funny how he had never looked at the team on those terms before his relationship with Sara.

There was the long overdue session on belief. They each were surprised to find out that neither had to worry about eternity. Nothing could separate them now. Not even death.

The last session had been about their predicament. Each had offered to leave the shift so the other could remain. In the end they chose to make love and worry about the consequences later. It didn't seem so important any more. They were just happy to be together. They each had been given a second chance and nothing was more important than that.

Grissom was lost in reminiscing. He had been doing a lot of that lately. He looked over at Sara. "When did you tell Ecklie we got involved?"

"Two years ago. Why? What did you tell him?"

"Nine years ago."

Sara laughed. She could just see Ecklie fuming. "The Forensic Academy Conference?"

"Yeah."

She continued to laugh. He hoped that he would always be able to make her laugh. She made his life so meaningful. "You ... uh ... had too many questions about anthropology, for some reason."

"Well, I was stalling. I was trying to get the nerve to ask you to dinner."

"You had a ponytail."

Sara smiled. It was the little details that Grissom remembered about their past that always seemed to show her the depths of his love. She was so fortunate to have him in her life.

"I'm going to move to swing."

"We talked about this."

"I know that you said that you would do it, but I don't want to do that to the team. Besides ... I am sure that I could use more daylight in my life."

Grissom became quiet. He nodded his approval. He would do anything for her. _Perhaps she realized there is another reason to move to days_. He thought about bringing up his mental calendar but then thought that now was not a good time. They would need to be going inside soon.

"We should go."

"Yeah."

They got out of the car and entered the race track. They could see the others racing around on the tracks. Grissom and Sara stood by the fence and watched. Nick stopped the cart in front of them and opened his visor.

"Whoa! You ... uh ... you want a ride?"

"Wish I could."

"What about you, Ricky Bobby?" Nick motioned to Grissom.

"No, thanks, I like to watch."

"Okay."

Nick just laughed shutting his visor and headed off. Sara turned and looked at Grissom.

"You should go." _You need to be with them_

"Yeah?" _I don't want to leave you alone_

"Yeah, you should go." _I need you to be okay_

"Okay." _I_'_m here you know, if you need me._

She was letting him know that she was okay with leaving the unit. She may be absent in body but their hearts were always with her. They would have these moments and they were worth more to her than the day to day routine of the job. She had grown tired of death. Yes, it was good to be in the light again. She needed the light.

Sara smiled as she watched Grissom climb in the cart. She gave him a thumbs

up sign. He returned the gesture as he drove around the track. Sara remained at the fence watching them from the outside. It was good to see them all together again. She was happy to have her family together. She knew that she could face anything with their love and support.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter Forty Three:

He knew that it had been there just the other day and now it was gone. He shut the bathroom door and locked it. Grissom stooped down and began removing all of the contents from the cabinet. _It's gone._

He searched the trash can and cursed under his breath. He had taken out the trash last night. _Why did I do that? I never take out the trash when I'm supposed to._

He then remembered it was at her request. He had been extra good about honoring her request. He knew that to slack off on his household chores would only mean she would try to do more with her arm and he wasn't about to let that happen.

He had to come up with a plan. How was he going to go through their trash without being caught? He rolled his eyes_. I'm a CSI for god sakes!_

Grissom took a good look at himself in the mirror and grinned. He felt like it was Christmas Eve and he was about to break into those forbidden presents hiding in the closet. He felt a pang of guilt but then threw off the feeling for what had been gnawing at him ever since Sara had been released from the hospital. He wanted to know the results. He had to know.

At first he thought his hair brain idea was ridiculous and he should just come out and ask her but then it would mean bringing up another change and well, he didn't want to put her through any unnecessarily so he opted for his original plan. He would steal their trash.

Grissom had managed to sneak over to the garbage cans on an outing with Bruno. He grabbed the trash and threw it into his trunk. He decided the odor would be worth the reward. He wondered if he should have waited until later in the day to do it but then he couldn't risk having the garbage collectors arrive and take it away.

Sara noticed his spirits were up and he seemed to be anxious to get to work. He even mentioned leaving a little early. She had inquired about any new cases but he shrugged it off and only said he needed to check on some lab results before meeting with the team.

He gave her a quick kiss so she insisted on walking him to the car. She demanded a much more lingering kiss, one to hold her over until he would be home again. His mind seemed to be somewhere else. Her hands were traveling downward and he caught them.

Grissom kissed each palm and then waved to her goodbye. She noticed an odor but then shrugged it off and returned inside. Grissom on the other hand, wished he had waited before piling the trash into the trunk.

He carried the trash to his office and shut the door. He pulled the blinds down and proceeded to pick through the trash. Grissom's heart began to race when he recognized the small box at the bottom of the bag. He pulled it out and shook it. Something was inside. He grinned. _The moment of truth._

He walked over to his seat and sat down. The revelation from the box might require him to be seated so he plopped down. As he began to open the box, Warrick came into the office. Grissom hid the box underneath his desk.

"Griss, I need to check on that warehouse M.O. Do you want to go with me?"

"I'll be in the conference room in a moment and we can discuss the assignments for the night. I may have to leave early tonight."

"Sara is okay isn't she?" asked Warrick concerned.

"Sara is fine."

Warrick looked at the trash bags. "Are you working on another case?"

"No, I seemed to have accidentally thrown something of importance away and I'm trying to find it."

"Hey, I don't mind helping. What is it?" asked Warrick as he grabbed one of the bags.

"That's okay Warrick. I've already gone through the bags but I couldn't locate it."

"Are you sure? I don't mind checking again for you…"

"No, that's fine. I'll be there in a minute." Grissom smiled as Warrick left. He was just about to pull out the box when Nick came strolling in.

"Hey Grissom, How's Sara? I thought I would swing by there one day this week and have lunch with her."

"I know she would appreciate that Nick. If you don't mind, I need to make a phone call before I go into the conference."

"Sure! No problem." Nick waved as he closed the door. Again, Grissom tried to bring the box up but the door opened again. It was one of the receptionists with his phone messages. Grissom waited until she left and then he got up and locked the door. He practically ran around the desk, plopped back down and brought out the box.

He opened the box and his heart sank. He had hoped for the discarded contents but instead there was only a crumpled up piece of paper. He noticed there was scribbling in Sara's hand so he unfolded the paper and read:

Gil,

You promised you wouldn't become obsessed with this.

Sara

_What the hell is that supposed to mean? She took the pregnancy test because the box is now empty. What was the result? _

He felt exactly the way he did forty years ago when his mother caught him in that damn closet. His shoulders slumped. Now he would have to pretend that he never found the note from her. He would have to pretend he didn't know she had taken the test. He would have to pretend he didn't smell like trash. This was not turning out to be a good start to a shift. _Shit!_

Note: We are catching up with the current episode so I am going to fly by the seat of my pants for awhile. For those of you who leave reviews, many thanks! It's the reason I continue to write on this. If you flagged this as a story alert, please remember to leave a review also so I know what you think.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter Forty Four:

Grissom got out of the car and stretched. He was tired. He had been at a crime scene for most of the night on his knees and he was just too old to be doing that anymore. He was ready to soak in the tub and then crawl into bed. He saw the shades had already been drawn and therefore Sara had prepared the room for him or she was still asleep. He hoped for the latter. He enjoyed spooning up next to her and drifting off to sleep.

As he approached the side door, he noticed a note on the door in Sara's handwriting.

"Trash guys couldn't locate the trash."

Grissom hung his head. It had been bad enough to put up with the snickers from his coworkers but now he felt like he was walking into a trap; one that he had set for himself. He unlocked the door and Bruno greeted him. _Give daddy lots of love, I'm going to need it._

He laid his stuff on the table and went in search of his executioner. He found her still asleep. He thought about just jumping into the bed at that moment but then he thought that he was in enough trouble as it was and opted for the shower. The bath could wait. He just wanted to hold Sara.

Within a few minutes he was out and as he opened the door, he noticed the bed was now empty. _This just keeps getting better and better._

He went in search of her. He always did. He always would. She stood there looking out the window. _God, I love how that gown hugs her body. I wish I could. _

She turned and saw him standing there. She smiled and he knew that for a moment he had a stay of execution. He took advantage of it. He came and hugged her body up against his. He took in the scent of her hair and his desire rose. She turned around and kissed him longingly. It was a sensual kiss, the kind that leaves one breathless but wanting more.

She led him to the couch and made him prop his feet up. She sat on the floor and began to massage his knees and thighs.

"I talked with Nick last night. He said you insisted on working on your knees last night. Gil, you should let the others do that. You don't have to prove anything to anyone."

"Would you have done it?"

He knew she would. They were alike in so many ways. Sara would never let someone else do her job and neither would he. She kissed as she rubbed. He closed his eyes and thought he would go out of his mind. He could feel her breath on his skin and it sent tingles down his spine. He suddenly felt energized. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up against his chest as he took her lips to his. He savored the kiss. She was his sanctuary and his solace. She looked at him and could see the desire but she also the tiredness. It had been a hard shift. She pulled him up off the couch and led him to the bed.

"If you would like some breakfast, I could make it for you?" He reached out and kissed her hand. He knew that he was safe for now. She had no intentions of making him suffer for his stupidity.

"I think I'll pass on breakfast. Come to bed with me?" She smiled at the invitation. He was always mindful these days to not push. He wanted her… he needed her and she would give her self to him.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty Five:**

"Damn," Grissom had gone through hundreds of passwords and yet he still had not been able to hack into Sara's computer. He shrugged his shoulders and gave up. Her diary was safe from him.

_I could take it to the guys in the lab and get them to hack into it._ He scratched the idea. First Sara would kill him and second he would have to explain to them why he needed to hack into Sara's computer. _Oh that would give the grapevine a shot of adrenaline._

He heard the shower turn off so he quickly jumped back over to the couch and pretended to work on the crossword puzzle. She glided over to him and kissed him gently on the lips as she cuddled up next to him.

"You know you used to let me wash your hair."

"You used to be a better CSI than you are now."

Grissom pulled the puzzle from his face and stared at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means the puzzle book is upside down. Give it up Gil. What have you been doing?"

"Feeling neglected." Sara looked at him perplexed.

"You really feel neglected?" She began to run her fingers through his hair. It was beginning to unnerve him. He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm.

"You used to invite me into the shower all the time. It's been a while."_ I still have it._

"Gil, this cast has a mind of its own. It's not a pretty sight in there. Do you know how much shampoo and conditioner I've wasted down the drain over this cast?"

"I could help you. That's what partners do…"

Sara looked at him. She knew he was about to begin a session on marriage. She wasn't opposed to it. She just liked where they were at the moment. However, a marriage proposal was something she would probably need soon.

"My cast comes off tomorrow. I plan to celebrate. How about a game of tennis?"

"How about a trip to the E.R due to a coronary?" Sara grinned.

"Okay I'll settle for a game of Frisbee in the park with Bruno but I'll save some energy for you." She looked at him intently and this time he grinned.

"Promise?"

"Promise." She kissed him as she headed out of the room but said over her shoulder, "Honey?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay away from my computer."

Grissom threw the puzzle book onto the table. He could hear Sara chuckling down the hallway. _That's it! It's time for a session. The big one!_


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty Six:**

Grissom watched as Sara sat in bed with a book. He knew that by asking about the all important question that would change their lives forever, he would be setting himself up for an argument. Grissom also knew that Sara was not about to come right out and tell him either, which left him in a predicament that he was not happy about.

As he pretended to read, Grissom tried to feel his way over to her, ever so slightly to gently rest his hand on her abdomen. Knowing that usually this task would be welcomed, when she was either awake or sleeping; but today was a different story, Sara was in a fowl mood.

"Sara, I'm sorry the doctor refused to take the cast off. It's only going to be for a few more weeks."

He could hear her huff under her breath. It was the same reaction each time he tried to comfort her. She had gotten her hopes up that the cast would be gone today. She should be playing in the park right now with Bruno but instead she opted to lie in bed while he rested before shift. Not that Grissom minded, but right now all he could focus on was the one question he was so desperate to ask.

"I wish you would talk with me about this." He gently inched his way over toward her.

"I'm fine." He continued his advance. He was just about there when she jumped out of bed swinging her cast like a sword. He had learned to duck. He had learned to be prepared for these moments when hormones surged. _Could it be because of the.…_

"I've had a good spirit about this haven't I?" She looked at Grissom for validation.

He smiled and nodded "Yes, hon. You have."

"It's not right. I hate this cast. I am sick of this cast. I just wanted to go back to work looking as normal as possible and what do I get? I get stuck with this freaking cast for 3 more weeks." She sat at the edge of the bed with her shoulders slumped.

"Extend your leave. Sara, you have plenty of time built up. You don't have to start back right away."

"I want to be normal again, Grissom. I don't want to be seen as the survivor. They see this and they whisper that I shouldn't be here. They whisper that I'm a survivor. I'm not any different that the next person. I don't want to be known as the survivor."

He took her hand and kissed the palm of it. "You are Sara. Why does it bother you?"

As they sat in silence, Grissom continued to hold her hand while Sara just stared blankly at the floor. "I don't know why."

"Nick survived," whispered Grissom.

She had been told this before. The conversation was no different than the last time. She didn't know why she came back to this subject every now and then. Her life changed because she was a survivor. The whole thing bothered her. It nagged at her. Her life was changed because of a deranged lunatic or had it already changed before Natalie?

Sara returned to the bed and curled up next to Grissom. "I have to go back to work. I can't put this off any longer."

He kissed her on the forehead. It would have to be her decision. She needed to be in control now. He understood this. She pressed her lips against his and rubbed her cheek against his face. She loved the way his stubble felt against her skin. She maneuvered her body so that it half lay on top of him. He smiled. He couldn't have planned it any better. He hugged her tight and extended his hand to rest on her abdomen.

"Gil. Why don't you just ask me?"

"Okay, I will." _Here it is the moment of truth. _

"So ask."

"Do you want to have dinner at the diner this evening?" _Chicken shit_

"I swear Gil. I took the test because we both know I haven't had a period in a long time."

He waited. He didn't want to be the one to… ask.

"About dinner…"

"Dinner at the diner would be nice."

Grissom hadn't expected her to just stop. He expected her to tell him. _Damn_

"Sara, you would tell me if I needed to know anything, right?"

"Yes, I would."

He was glad the room was dark. He didn't want her to see the disappointment in his eyes. He kissed her gently and whispered in her ear. "I love you Sara."

Sara smiled. He had said those words to her every time they went to sleep. He had said those words every time they woke up. She knew he loved her. He didn't have to say it. It was always there in the way he looked at her or the way he touched her. She marveled at the way Grissom could speak volumes with just a touch of his hand. He began to gently caress her abdomen. He was definitely a hands on man. She wondered if he was partial to pink or blue. She grinned, deciding that she could wait for the answer.

Note:

Whew! I think this is the longest I have gone without posting. Has it been a week already? I have been sick sick sick with the stomach virus/ flu. I am feeling better but I am now preparing for a trip next week. I had not planned to post until I was in Denver but then decided that the hate/ pleading mail should come to an end so I will post this week and perhaps next week if I survive the trip. LOL

I have been successful at dodging those many tomatoes and rotten fruit thrown my way. Please be patient (as Sara would say to Grissom). Reviews are welcomed. Hold the vegetables or fruit. Chocolate would be nice. P.S. You will have the answer in about a week.

Penny


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter Forty Seven:**

"Sara, you didn't!" exclaimed Grissom as he looked at her across the table.

"She's driving me nuts, Gil. I wasn't kidding about the restriction. She gets twenty questions and that's it."

Grissom smirked and then hid his amusement when he saw the glint in Sara's eyes.

"I don't know why she gets to me. Greg used to ask a lot of questions but this is different." Sara stood up and began clearing the table. Grissom picked up some things and carried them to the sink. He pulled her into an embrace and held her for a moment.

'Look, she trying to adjust to you and you're trying to adjust to coming back after…"

He stopped because he didn't want to remind her why she had been gone from the job.

"I know why I was gone. I'm not sure why I'm back."

He looked at her and saw the doubt in her eyes. "Have lunch with Nick. He's been wanting to see you."

Sara pulled away and leaned against the counter. "Gil, I'm fine."

"I know you're fine. Nick needs to know you're fine. He's been asking about you."

Sara looked at Grissom. She knew he was worried. He had been worried ever since she returned to work. The fact of the matter was, she was worried about him. He was just now getting his life back on track. She needed to know that he was okay. She didn't want him to worry about her or them or …. the other thing.

She grabbed him by the hand and led him to the shower. She sat and watched as he took his shower. He would lean out every now and then to see if she was still sitting there.

The shower turned off and he stood there with the water glistening on his body. "You have become a regular voyeur. I don't know why but I like it."

She chuckled as she left the bathroom to give him room to finish getting ready. "I'm glad I took today off. Are you going to work with the bees today?"

"I think I would like to spend some time with you."

"I have to be at the doctor's office this afternoon."

"Another doctor's appointment? I thought you didn't go until next week?"

"It's nothing. How about lunch later?"

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "Can I go with you?" asked Grissom but she declined the offer. Knowing that Sara wanted to start doing things on her own once again, he didn't push her; even though all he wanted to do was go with her to the appointment.

"Lunch would be good. Are you going to have dinner with Nick?"

"No." Grissom looked over, hoping she would shed a little more light into why she was reluctant to meet with Nick. But when she remained silent, Grissom grew worried and was about to ask her what was wrong, when she placed her hand on his arm.

"Look Gil. I can't talk with Nick about this. You can't expect me to confide in him about…"

"Are you afraid to let him really know how you feel or are you more afraid he might tell me what's bothering you?"

She didn't answer. She didn't have to because he knew the answer. Of course she wasn't going to open up to Nick or anyone they knew. It was the same reason he was not able to talk with them. He knew that there was always the chance that they might let Sara know just how much the whole thing had almost driven him over the edge.

_She's protecting me just like I protected her. I love this woman._

"Get dressed. There's someone I want you to meet." He kissed her on the forehead and scooted her toward the bathroom. He piqued her curiosity.

They chatted as Grissom drove away from the direction of the lab and toward the unknown. Sara looked around but wasn't sure what Grissom was doing.

"Where are we going?"

"Here," replied Grissom as he pulled up and parked the vehicle. Sara looked around and stared at him.

"Isn't this the wrong day to be here?"

"It's never wrong to be here. You can come anytime, any day or any hour."

He got out of the vehicle and met Sara on the other side. He took her hand and led her into the building. Grissom looked around and smiled when he saw Father Brannigan walking towards them.

"Hello Gil. It's nice to see you again. Hi Sara. We haven't met but Gil often speaks about you." He took Sara's hand and she immediately noticed how the man's hand felt much like Grissom's.

Grissom leaned over and kissed Sara on the forehead. "When you are ready to leave, just give me call and I'll come back." He turned to leave and Sara grabbed his sleeve. Her eyes were pleading with him and he smiled to reassure her. Father Brannigan excused himself so they could have a moment to talk in private.

"I can't do this," whispered Sara.

"Sara, you need someone you can trust. Father Brannigan is a great listener. He has sat with me for hours. Talk with him. Tell him what you can't tell me. He won't divulge anything to anyone. I don't think I would have gotten through all of this if I could not come here. I couldn't go to our friends. I didn't want you to worry. Don't make me worry now."

He kissed her again and left. Sara turned and Father Brannigan smiled at her. She straightened her shoulders and walked down the aisle. She wasn't going to make him worry.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter Forty Eight:**

"Guilt may include regrets about the past. You know things done or not done. Guilt for…" Grissom looked over at her. "surviving."

Sara just sat and listened. She knew that he was going to choose a session on this and she had prepared herself. Actually, she was fine with it. Her talks with Father Brannigan had been like a life line to her. A lifeline given to her by Grissom.

She had been relieved that Grissom did not know about the content of the talks with Father Brannigan. If he did, they would both be in counseling. She was sure of it. She knew that she was going to be okay. She knew he didn't need to worry. Grissom worried too much. It was as if he was trying to make up for all those years in which he did not interact with the world unless it was through latex gloves.

She remembered that even Father Brannigan had been alarmed when she asked about coping with a traumatic death.

"Sara, you didn't die. You survived."

She told him that he was not correct. Sara Sidle had died out there in the desert. She was sure of it. She was sure of it every time she looked at another dead body. She no longer looked at her job in the same light. She dreaded it. She dreaded it as though it was sucking the very life out of her.

Death had been so much a part of Sara's early life that it only seemed natural that it would follow her into adulthood. She had stared death down at an early age and she continued to stare at death every day.

It wasn't until her own mortality was at stake that she knew she was tired of it. She wanted something more to remember in her life than death. She just hoped that she could convince herself that the change was worth the risk.

"I need to know how to grieve for myself. I need to know how to grieve for the life that is now over. I can no more return to that life than a dead body can be resurrected." She remembered where she was and smiled at him. "Okay, the Jesus thing I know about. I get it. Believe me I do and I believe."

He reminded her that each person grieves in his or her own way and at his or her own pace. There was no time line for grief. _Shit! I can think that in church. Can't I?_

He told her about the difficulty of approaching holidays and special events related to the deceased. He recommended creating new rituals or other ways to say good bye to the deceased.

"Sara, you know we're only talking about a part of your life that is gone. Right?"

"That part of my life was me, all of me. I lived my job. It defined me. I'm not sure what's left."

He suggested writing down her thoughts and feelings and she chuckled. She told him about Grissom trying to read her on line diary. She was about to tell him about the trash incident but didn't feel comfortable enough to get that personal.

Father Brannigan then advised Sara to be kind to herself. "Go on with your life, Sara. You survived because God wanted you to. It was not your time to die."

The irony of his last statement swirled inside her head. He took her hand and smiled at her. "Enjoy life again. It's not a betrayal to what you once were but a sign that you've begun to accept what's happened."

"Have you forgiven Natalie?" The statement almost knocked Sara over. _No!_

Father Brannigan saw her reaction. "Sara did you always like your job?"

"Yes…no. I liked solving cases so that families could get closure. I never liked the domestic violence cases. It reminded me of my parents."

Father Brannigan sat there quietly and waited for Sara to continue.

"I know that if Grissom has spoken with you before, he has told you about my parents."

"I was waiting for you to tell me."

"My mother killed my father. I grew up in foster care."

"Do you think you would be questioning your profession now if it were not for what Natalie did to you?"

There it was the real root of the problem. She couldn't blame Natalie. She had felt that way for a long time but she had refused to face that demon. Every time she walked onto a crime scene, she had felt the heaviness in her heart. Natalie had only made her face it sooner.

"Yes." It was a whisper but it echoed down the aisles. It was cleansing. Sara now knew why being a survivor had bothered her so much. She had wanted that Sara to die out there. The one that enjoyed facing down death every time it reared its ugly head. She wanted to leave her buried out there in the desert and run so far away that she would never find that part of herself again. She had done just that. She wasn't the Sara Sidle that had been placed under that fire engine red Mustang.

"I need for Grissom to understand this. I'm not sure how he is going to react. He loved that Sara. I'm not sure he will love what's left. All I know is that I'm going to have to make a decision soon. I just hope I can walk away from my job after all of these years."

Grissom's voice brought her back to the present. He glanced at her and wondered if she had been listening or if the subject had taken her back to another place. He wondered if by discussing this, he was putting her back underneath that damn car again.

"Do you ever think about where we will be in a couple of years?"

"Together." She smiled and kissed the hand resting on her stomach.

"I mean work."

"I thought I would become a professional race car driver." He grinned when she made a face at him.

"I'm not sure. I don't think I will be at my job forever. I know that sooner or later I will have to retire."

"Where do you see me?"

"Anywhere you want to be."

She gave him one of her big smiles and he kissed the top of her nose.

"Are you glad the cast comes off tomorrow?"

"Yep. It means a new beginning."


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter Forty Nine:**

Grissom stood there leaning against the porch. Nick and Warrick were busy discussing the finer techniques of grilling while Catherine sat chuckling over a story Brass was telling. He smiled as he watched Sara and Greg in the yard playing Frisbee with Bruno. Life was good. He loved to watch her. He did a lot of that these days.

Sara noticed this also. She would be cleaning and she would turn to find him watching her. His gaze was always upon her. He had been like this since her return from the hospital. He was ever so watchful of her. He was Grissom.

She threw the frisbee and it soared over the fence. He could hear her giggling as Greg tried to climb over the fence only to be tugged back down by his shoes. Bruno wasn't about to let them win at this game. _She's needed this._

She rubbed her elbow a few times and when she did, she knew she had been caught by him. If it was possible, he was more watchful of her these last few days. He sensed a change had come over Sara since her last meeting with Father Brannigan. She smiled at him and mouthed "I love you." She knew he would read her lips but then again all she had to do was look at him and he knew those words. They had always communicated those words to one another but it was only in the last two years they had understood their body language.

Sara ran over and tried to push Greg over the fence and when he landed on the other side, she giggled even more because she knew he had fallen into the bushes. _She's home finally._

Brass nudged Catherine and they both looked at Grissom. He leaned in close to Catherine. "Man has it bad for her."

Catherine looked at Grissom and then Sara. She envied their relationship. They made each other complete. She wondered how they had missed not seeing how much they loved each other.

"I'm really surprised they hid their relationship for so long. You know we should have known."

Nick had been listening and he couldn't resist the subject. He had been waiting a long time for this conversation.

"We knew. We just didn't want to know. You know?"

Warrick looked at Nick and grinned. "Dude, how many beers have you had?"

Catherine chuckled. "It actually made a little sense, Nicky. We did know but we didn't want to admit it because we knew they had not admitted it to themselves."

Nick picked up his beer and clanged it against Catherine. "Exactly."

Brass took a sip of beer and looked at Sara, "All I know is that it was amusing at times to see those two work together. I miss that."

"Grissom does too," added Catherine.

Grissom turned to see the others watching him. It was a bit unnerving.

"What?" he asked as he tried to focus on them and Sara.

"Nothing. Go back to stalking Sara," chuckled Brass.

"I'm not stalking; I'm just making sure she doesn't over do it. That's all." He turned away, a little embarrassed that he had been caught.

"I think it's sweet. Leave him alone Guys," chided Catherine.

No one seemed to mind the slightly burnt hamburgers. Sara ignored the meat eaters as she munched on a salad. She caressed Grissom's knee as he tried to focus on his burger. When the caresses intensified, he lovingly reached over and held her hand. She loved doing that to him.

"Hey Sara, you know I'm a member of PETA also," grinned Brass.

Sara looked at Brass. She decided to stay quiet. She looked at him again and couldn't resist, "Okay, you're a member of PETA?"

"Yep. People Eating Tasty Animals"

Brass continued to grin and Greg smirked. The guys chuckled as Grissom sat back and enjoyed the entertainment. Sara couldn't help but laugh. These were her new memories and she loved every moment of them. She would take this over a crime scene any day.

Of course she missed them. She missed Grissom most of all, particularly when a difficult case came along. She had been fortunate in that she had not worked a domestic violence case since her return. She wondered if Grissom had anything to do with that. Previously, his intervention would have bothered her, but not now. They were each other's protection from the outside world.

It was nice that Greg had volunteered his services on a recent case. It almost felt like old times. Of course there was Ronnie to remind her that it wasn't so. Ronnie wasn't so bad but she was not the guys. _That's sexist! _

She wondered if this was the way Catherine felt when she first started working there after Catherine had been the only female for years. Had Catherine seen Sara as a threat? She didn't see Ronnie as a threat. No, she was just a nuisance. She looked at Catherine and smiled as she continued to chat with the guys. Sara concluded that perhaps there was a little validity to her theory.

Grissom had let go of her hand now and was walking out to check on the bees. The guys being guys soon followed. Catherine and Sara were left sitting at the table.

"Hey, kiddo. How's it going with the swing shift?"

"It's going."

"We miss you, you know. Grissom particularly. Sometimes, I see him walking past your desk and he stops like he's waiting for you. He acts like you just stepped away and is coming back. One night, I saw him sitting there in your seat."

Sara grinned. Grissom had told her about his excursion at her desk. Sara had worked a double and so had Grissom. It seemed days had gone by before they had gotten to see one another again. Grissom admitted he sat at her desk in hopes of smelling the fragrance of her hair. She had laughed but he was quite serious. She then remembered doing the same thing when he was on sabbatical. She didn't laugh at him anymore.

"He leaves me notes."

"I never thought the man would be so romantic."

Sara smiled. He was more than romantic, he was down right sexy. The thought made Sara blush. She looked out and watched as Grissom was explaining the life of a bee colony to the guys. She turned and looked at Catherine.

"How's he doing?"

"It's funny. He wanted me to find that out about you."

Sara smiled and looked at Grissom. _I love you too._


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter Fifty:**

The gang left one by one and Sara watched as Grissom suited up to work on the bees. She had hoped to spend some time alone with him so that she could talk with him about leaving the department. She saw the extra suit and decided to join him. He turned and smiled at her.

"Oh, I love it when you dress up." Sara laughed and joined him at the table. She watched as Grissom carried the smoker over to the bees.

"Well, you know, whatever it takes to get some time with you. How's the

study going? Any sign of Colony Collapse Disorder?"

"Nope, so far it's healthy." Grissom continued to use the smoker. Sara coughed a little as she watched him interact with the bees. " Nothing too healthy about smoking."

"Well, the scent confuses the guard bees. They won't emit the pheromone that tells the colony there's an intruder."

Grissom opened the box and looked at the frames and bees inside.

"Don't worry, he's harmless," smiled Sara.

Grissom took out a frame and showed Sara the bees.

"Who's who?"

"These are the workers -- infertile females."

"They don't sting?"

"No, not unless you swat one, or close one up in your hand, or freak out. Go ahead, take off your glove."

"Eh... all right, I trust you." _That's my Sara_

Sara took off her glove and a bee landed on her hand. She smiled as it crawled around on her hand.

"See? It's cool. The worker bees defend the hive, procure the pollen, make the honey,

nurture the larvae and pupae in each of these brood cells." _I'll always take care of you Sara_

Sara watched the bee on her hand. Grissom smiled as he watched her. He had watched for her nine years and she never ceased to amaze him. He couldn't resist asking.

"You know, maybe we should get married."

Sara was surprised. He hadn't been this forward in long time. It was nice. Their eyes met. She wondered if he would still propose if he knew that the old Sara was gone.

"Ouch!"

She turned her hand over to see the where the bee had stung her. It had already begun to swell.

"Oh, oh ... Ow."

" I'm sorry."

"Ow."

Grissom picked up the smoker and used it to distract the bees. She started to pick at the place but he stopped her.

"No, no, don't, don't, don't pick it out. Makes it worse, releases the venom into the bloodstream. It's better to scrape it."

Grissom took out his pocket knife and started scraping the sting from Sara's hand. He gently removed it as Sara watched him. His hands gently caressed her palm.

"So, uh... what do you think, you know, about..."

"Yes. Let's do it."

"Yeah?"

He wasn't prepared for her answer. He guessed she would put him off like she had done with so many other questions he had in the past but she didn't. He was elated. He leaned forward to kiss her only to have their masks bump. Sara laughed hysterically. She knew that only Grissom could propose in such a manner and she loved him for it.

She thought about the discussion she had rehearsed in her head but decided it could wait.

He grabbed her and they ran into the house. Sara giggled as they tried to hurriedly remove the outfits. With a few curses here and there, they freed themselves. It was a wonderful way to end a day.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter Fifty One:**

"Bruno!" yelled Sara as she chased him through the house. Grissom woke up just as the dog came running into the bedroom and plopped down on the bed. Grissom smiled as he noticed the pair of panties proudly clutched between Bruno's teeth. He gently pulled them out and held them out to their rightful owner.

"We have to do something about this."

"What do you suggest?"

"He's ruining all of my panties and bras."

"I won't mind if you don't wear them." He grinned as Sara made a face.

"I guess you won't mind him chewing on your boxers." It wasn't funny any more. Sara left the room only to return shortly with a basket full of chewed up clothing.

"Sara, you can't let him get away with this."

"Nice that we both agree on this. I'm going to have to go shopping again. I swear Gil. He's reminds me of Hank."

Sara couldn't believe she had just said that. Grissom leaned back in the bed with his hands behind his head and looked at her.

"Okay. How does our dog remind you of Hank?"

"My panties always ended up in a wad when I was around him."

Grissom smirked and then he laughed. He didn't know that the name of Sara's old beau would actually cause him to chuckle.

"I think we should call him Hank."

"No you won't!"

"Okay, we'll call him Hank only when he manages to get your panties in a wad."

Grissom continued to chuckle. He pulled Sara down into the bed and began to kiss her tenderly.

"Bruno… Hank needs a walk."

Sara grabbed him, "He can wait. Besides, I'm not wearing any panties."

"I won't tell if you don't. It can be our little secret." He began placing kisses on her neck while his hands traveled down her body. He pulled her down and began nibbling on her ear and it drove her insane.


	52. Chapter 52

**Fifty Two:**

Grissom woke to an empty bed. He sat up and listened but there was no sound. He glanced at the clock and wondered where she was. He grabbed the robe lying by the bed and wrapped it around him. He walked through the house and noticed her sitting on the deck outside.

"Sara?" When she didn't turn around, he came and sat down beside her. She swiped at her tears and started to get up but he pulled her back down into his arms.

"It's okay. I don't know what to say to make you not hurt. We can try again."

"Don't…" She moved away from him and buried her head in her hands.

He sat there helplessly. He wished he had not been so pushy to find out about the pregnancy. He wished he had done what they had promised. He knew he had contributed to the pain she was feeling now.

"Don't push me away Sara. I couldn't bear it if you pushed me away." He reached for her but she jumped up and ran into the house and he followed.

She stood in the kitchen holding a glass. Grissom stood there watching her. He had watched her hold it in for the last time.

"Sara, if you're going to be mad, get mad."

"Leave it alone, Gil"

He walked up behind her and whispered softly in her ear. "I can't. I want my Sara back."

Sara turned and glared at him. "I'm not that Sara anymore. She died in that damn desert. She liked death. She lived for it. That's not me. I hate it. I am sick of it."

Her words scared the hell out of Grissom. He felt her anger. He wondered when she was ever going to let go of it.

"Let it go Sara." He tried to pull her into his arms but she pulled away letting the glass land on the floor. She stood there and stared at the pieces of glass lying at their feet.

"I have a pain in my sawdust…" sang Sara. Grissom's hand shot up to his mouth. Sara looked at him and smiled. "It's okay… I can fix this." She reached for another glass and threw it, scattering the glass across the floor.

He grabbed Sara by her arms and tried to comfort her but she continued to sing that damn song. "Don't you get it Grissom? I died in that desert. I'm not ever coming back."

Grissom held her tightly as the tears streamed down his face. "Don't do this Sara. Please don't do this! Don't leave me! Not now!" He begged her over and over until they crumbled to the floor. He couldn't lose her now. Not like this.

"Grissom!"

Sara tried to break free from him but he continued to clutch her to him. Their tears intermingled as she lovingly rocked him back and forth. She gently kissed him until he woke from the nightmare.

"It's okay," whispered Sara. "I'm here Grissom. I won't leave you."

_It's just a nightmare. _Grissom wept. He pulled her closer to him as he begged her to talk to him. He didn't care what she said only that he could hear her voice. She kissed him softly on the lips and began reciting a verse from Shakespeare:

Thyself away art resent still with me.

For thou not farther than my thoughts canst move,

And I am still with them and they with thee.

Or, if they sleep, thy picture in my sight

Awakes my heart to heart's and eye's delight.

"I love you Grissom. I always have and I always will." Grissom held her as she continued to tell him about her sessions with Father Brannigan. She looked at him and smiled softly. "It's going to be okay. We just need to focus on the baby Gil."

Grissom's heart skipped a beat. He wasn't sure if he had fully awakened from his nightmare. Only time would tell.


	53. Chapter 53

**Fifty Three:**

He called in sick. He had not done that since Sara had been found but the nightmare had unnerved him. He sat at the kitchen table with the coffee cup in his hand. It had been empty for some time but he couldn't bring himself to do anything else. She was still sleeping. He had insisted that she stay in bed. They had not gotten much sleep. He couldn't bring himself to go back to sleep. To close his eyes meant he would hear the song in his head. _God, how I hate that song_. This time he heard the song in Sara's voice and it had rocked him to the core.

He felt her behind him before she reached out to kiss him gently.

"How are you feeling?" she asked. _You scared me._

"I'm fine." _I know._

Sara smiled at him. "That's my line, isn't it?" He got up and poured another cup of coffee. He offered her a cup but she declined. Instead she poured herself a glass of juice.

As she stood there with the glass in her hand, he froze. He waited for her to drop it but instead she stood there and looked out the window. She turned to see the fear in his eyes.

"Gil?"

He turned and placed his cup into the sink.

"Sara, I've got an errand to run." She watched as he picked up his car keys and headed to the door.

"Grissom?"

He stopped. _Did she mean to break a rule?_

"Love you" she whispered.

He closed his eyes and fought back the fear. He turned around and smiled at her. "Love you more." He closed the distance between them and held her in his arms. She could feel his tension.

"Gil…."

"It's okay. Really." He kissed her gently and left.

Grissom sat in the pew and waited for Father Brannigan. He smiled when the man came and sat down beside him.

"Grissom, you sounded a bit upset on the phone."

"I need to know how Sara is?"

Father Brannigan looked at Grissom. "I saw Sara last week. She seemed fine."

Grissom closed his eyes and stared at the altar. "I'm worried about her."

"Grissom, I can't talk with you about our discussions. You know that. That's why you brought her here."

"I know something is different. I… just need to know if I should be concerned about her. I didn't see the danger in Natalie until it was too late. I don't want to be late again."

"Grissom, has something happened?"

"Am I so wrapped up in work that I wouldn't see or know if Sara needed me?"_ That dream… I cant shake the feeling I'm missing something._

"Why would you ask? Has something happened?"

"She's not herself. I get the feeling…" _I can't explain what I feel. This is so new to me._

"Do you want me to talk with Sara?"

"I want you to talk with both of us. I don't want to lose her. I can't lose her…"

Father Brannigan saw the desperation in Grissom's voice. "Let me call Sara. Perhaps she can come here and we can talk in my office." Father Brannigan started to get up and Grissom placed his hand on the priest's arm.

"Don't let her worry about me. I'm fine. I just need to know she's okay." Father Brannigan smiled. "You two are a lot alike."

Sara parked the car and headed up the steps. She tried not to appear panicked but she knew something was wrong with Grissom. She had never seen him as upset as he was last night.

She was relieved to see him sitting with Father Brannigan. He turned and smiled at her.

Father Brannigan took them to his office and closed the door.

"Sara, Grissom thought it would be good if both of you met with me this week." Sara looked at Grissom.

"I don't mind." She took Grissom's hand and smiled when he kissed her palm.

"Grissom, what would you like to talk about today?" asked Father Brannigan.

"marriage."

Sara smiled at him. She grinned at Father Brannigan. "He proposed to me while we were in our bee suits. Can you imagine?"

"Have you thought about when you want to get married?"

"Today" replied Grissom. Sara's heart began to race.

"Gil, we uh… haven't talked about this yet."

"That's why you're here. I would like for Father Brannigan to marry us."

"I would be honored if that is okay with Sara." He turned to look at Sara. Her grin turned to a smile followed by a laugh.

"Are you sure you want to get married now? Today?" Grissom leaned over and kissed her.

"I would need to ask both of you a few questions before I could marry you." They both nodded their approval.

"Marriage is ordained by God for the lifelong union of a man and woman. Are you prepared to make such a decision?"

They both nodded.

"When you marry, your spouse becomes a part of you. You must share in the happiness as well as the bad. There can be no secrets between you. Is there anything you need to discuss with one another?"

Sara's heart began to race. _I have to tell him. I have to let him know that I've changed. How do I tell him? _

"Grissom?" asked Father Brannigan

"I never should have made that miniature. I never should have tried to make it personal so that the killer would come after me… after you. I placed you in danger. I wasn't concerned if the killer came after me. I never thought about us. I should have protected us. It almost cost me you."

"Sara?"

"I'm not sure I want to stay on as an investigator. Even before Natalie, it was getting harder and harder to walk onto those crime scenes and pretend that it didn't bother me. I hate death. I'm sick of death…" Grissom tightened the hold on Sara's hand. He was waiting for her to start singing that damn song.

"Sara…"

"I've felt like this for a long time. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. I'm not the same person anymore."

"You're the same person I fell in love with nine years ago. Nothing has changed. Don't let Natalie hurt you all over again. If you want to leave because you're tired of the job then fine but don't leave because of what she put you through. You're not a quitter." _I want to quit. _

"Grissom, would you be okay with Sara changing professions if she wanted?"

"Of course, I just don't want her to make any sudden decisions right after the hell we've been through. She needs time to adjust to everything. I'm just asking her to not rush into anything." Grissom turned to look at Sara.

"You're the same Sara that I fell in love with. You may have scars from the hell you endured but you're a survivor Sara." She tried to smile but it was lost through her tears. He saw the doubt in her eyes and it hurt him.

"Is there anything else that you've both been withholding from one another?" asked Father Brannigan.

"I stole our trash one day trying to find out if Sara was pregnant," admitted Grissom.

"I kept the pregnancy results from you because I still want it to be confirmed by my doctor," said Sara.

"Anything else?"

"He snores." _I think I'm broken and I don't know how to fix me…_

"You steal covers," grinned Grissom. _I think you're hiding something but I know you will tell me when you're ready. You will, won't you?_

"Well, I think we can proceed with wedding plans if you both want to continue?"

They both smiled at one another. Yes, they were ready.

Sara rolled over and smiled when she saw Grissom's sleeping form. It had been an eventful day. She stared at the gold band on her finger. She then glanced at his hand.

She didn't know when he had purchased the rings. She also was unaware of the marriage license. He had been planning this for some time.

She chuckled softly. _When Gilbert Grissom decides to do something, there's no stopping him._

She felt guilty for not inviting the others to come to the church. Grissom on the other hand had wanted it to remain private, just the two of them with Father Brannigan before God at the altar. Sara had worn a white cotton printed dress while Grissom wore his best suit. It was simple. It was perfect.

She thought about the past year and how far they had come. She remembered how much she resented change in the past. Grissom had been the coaxer while she dragged her heels. Now, she was the person who longed for change and Grissom was reluctant to let it happen. She knew she would continue working for awhile. Perhaps he was right. _Am I running away just because of a delayed reaction to my abduction and near death?_

She didn't think so. She certainly didn't feel that way but she would continue working for Grissom. He needed this. He needed the way things were before. Sara leaned over and kissed him on the lips. He returned the kiss and rolled over so that his weight was slightly pinning her down.

"Hello, Sara Grissom," whispered Grissom.

Sara smiled. She liked the sound of her new name. It was perfect and so was their love for one another.

They didn't know what their future held but one thing was certain. They loved one another. They had gone through life feeling incomplete until this moment. Their marriage was a happy moment but it was also a moment of truth. Like so many times before, they each admitted that without one there could not be the other. The marriage was just a confirmation of that fact.

Note from Author:

I am sorry it has taken so long to post again. Ghost hunting at the Stanley Hotel was a life changing experience for me. I can't express my thoughts about it only to say that I only believe what I can experience and I did just that! Hope you like the chapter. There are several to be posted this week. Take care! Penny


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter Fifty Four:**

"Sara, are you okay?"

Sara turned to see Grissom standing beside her desk. She had just returned from the field and the shift had been grueling. Ronnie and Sara had worked a murder/suicide case. It had brought back memories from her childhood. She had often thought that her mother would have killed herself had the police not arrived so quickly. She wondered if it had not been better for her mother to die rather than be committed.

The scene had taken a toll on Sara. She could still smell the blood in her nostrils and she had wanted to flee the scene. Brass had arrived and he could tell that something was wrong. He hovered over Sara until she became angry. She needed to do this on her own. She needed to work through this without leaning on someone. She needed to get through this.

_Perhaps I'm not meant to be happy. Stop it Sara! Stop it right now. You are happy. You have a man who loves you and you love him. You are married and expecting a child. What more do you want? _

"Sara?" his voice brought her back.

"I'm sorry, I'm just really tired," smiled Sara. He could see the exhaustion.

"Go home. Get some sleep. You're going to feel really tired for awhile until your body adjust to..." He stopped when he saw that she began looking around. They had agreed to not tell anyone until her appointment.

"…married life. You know I can be very taxing on a person."

She loved the man. She collected the stuff off her desk. Grissom walked her to her car and pulled her into his arms.

"You sure you're okay?" he whispered.

"Nothing that a good soak in the tub and then some much needed sleep won't fix."

"Wish I could join you in the tub. Perhaps you'll join me after my shift?"

Sara leaned in closer so that he felt her breath against his skin. "I took a few hours off tomorrow so I could sleep in. I'll be waiting." Grissom's heart jumped. Just the thought of knowing that she would still be in their bed when he got off made the anticipation unbearable. She smiled when she read his thoughts.

"Don't forget to wake me…"

Grissom stood there as he watched her drive away. He was still staring at her car when Catherine walked up.

"Grissom, stop drooling. You really have it bad!" He glanced at her only to give her "You're annoying me" look before hurrying inside. It was going to be a long shift.

Sara tried to get comfortable but she felt a bit nauseous. She gave up the hope of sleeping and headed to the kitchen. She made herself a cup of tea and sat down on the couch. She curled up with a book and tried to concentrate but she found herself staring at the gold band on her hand. _I'm married and pregnant._

She touched her abdomen and a sense of warmth flooded over her body. She had often awaken to the feel of Grissom's hand caressing her stomach. It had been so sweet. She never imagined how much he wanted children. He tried to keep it to himself but once they decided to try to have a child he had been obsessed with it.

She chuckled when she recalled the day he had stolen their trash in hopes of finding the pregnancy test. She had wished she could have seen the expression on his face when he found her note tucked inside the empty box. She grabbed the blanket lying over the couch and pulled it down over her. She closed her eyes and slept.

She yawned and tried to stretch but something was on top of her feet. She looked down to see Bruno sharing the couch with her. The smell of food made her jerk her head around to see Grissom in the kitchen. She looked at her watch and jumped up. _ I overslept!_

She walked into the kitchen and he extended his arm out. She took his embrace and whispered in his ear. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sleep so late. You could have waked me up."

"Sara, when I can come home, shower, walk the dog, pick up around the house and fix breakfast without waking you, it tells me you need your sleep more than I need to make love to my wife."

She looked around and saw that he had indeed picked up. She was surprised he had managed to do so much without waking her. "I guess I was pretty tired."

"Try exhaustion. Sara, you have to let your body adjust to all of this. You've just come off night shift to daytime. Your body was just getting used to that change and now you're pregnant. Give your body what it needs, rest." He kissed her on the nose and then handed her a glass of orange juice.

They sat and ate breakfast together. He glanced at her from time to time as they ate. It was as though he wanted to talk with her about something but wasn't sure how to approach the subject.

"What is it and don't tell me nothing," said Sara.

"Jim called me."

"He was hovering too much. I can take care of myself. I don't need him watching my every move."

"He loves you Sara, just like I do. He knows those types of cases bother you. He was just looking out for you…at my request," said Grissom.

"I thought as much. Yes, it bothers me but I have to get through this on my own. Besides, it's not just the domestic cases that bother me, it's all of them. Maybe it's the hormones but I'm really getting tired of walking onto a scene to stare at a dead body."

"Have you talked with Father Brannigan about…" Grissom stopped when Sara got up from the table. He saw the look in her eye that told him she wasn't ready to discuss it.

"I need to shower or I'm going to be late." She took her dishes to the sink and headed to the shower. Grissom came and stood in the doorway of the bathroom. He watched as she pulled the robe off and stared into the mirror. She glanced down at her stomach and then at Grissom. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her neck.

"I'll always find you beautiful." _I needed to hear that._

"I better shower before I'm late for work."

"I actually asked Catherine to give you a few more hours before going into work. I thought you needed it."

"Were you thinking of me or perhaps you wanted something?" she inquired.

"Perhaps I thought if you slept in, you wouldn't mind sharing that shower with me after breakfast."

Sara smiled. She could share and she took great pleasure in doing so.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter Fifty Five:**

Sara sat in the locker room, staring at the floor. Greg saw her sitting there and popped in.

"What's up?" asked Greg.

"You know in the slasher movies when they go after the dark haired girl and she always dies," said Sara.

"Yeah and the blonde always lives." Greg came over and sat down. "Aren't you glad it wasn't a movie?"

Sara laughed with Greg. He noticed her laugh was not the genuine kind but rather a sad kind of laugh. He wished she would smile the way she used to.

"I think I'm sick of having death shoved in my face every day. The murder rate has gone up every year since I've been here. It's totally out of control and we're not even slowing them down."

Greg looked down at the floor. He was not good at this. He shuffled his feet and felt helpless. _Nick would know what to say. What would Nick say?_

"Sara, we do the best we can. Sometimes, we can give people closure and sometimes we don't. I would like to think of those we can help. You can't dwell on the losses."

She smiled. She knew he was trying his best to help her.

"Want to hear a joke?" he asked pleadingly.

"Sure?" Sara walked out of the locker room beside Greg. Her laughter could be heard floating down the hall as he whispered the joke to her.

Greg and Sara stopped as they heard the others talking. Catherine had called in a 419. They stood and listened as the others talked about the murders. Sara's face became taunt.

Ronnie had almost been killed tonight. She had made a mistake and returned to a crime scene unattended.

Greg watched as Sara hurried toward the door. She stopped when she saw the rain pouring down. He called her name but she did not respond. She stood there staring at the rain. Greg heard Grissom down the hall and motioned for him. For a moment Sara was back in the fire engine red mustang in the desert.

The rain was pouring into the car as she gasped for breath. Any moment the car would be submerged and she would either be able to break free or die. _I didn't die. I survived._

She jumped when Grissom touched her on the arm. He saw the terror in her eyes. She turned and saw Greg standing nearby. There was no smile for him. She couldn't bring herself to do it. It was a simple gesture that she had been able to do so many times before but it just wasn't in her.

Grissom led her down the hall into his office and closed the door. He tried to take her into his arms but she pulled away. She wrapped her arms about herself and turned away from him.

"Sara, what can I do?"

She knew that she had frightened Greg. She had frightened herself. How did she get from the office to that damn mustang? _ It's just rain, Sara. Get it together. _

"I'm okay. I just need to go home," she whispered.

"Let me take you home."

"No! You're not done here. I can go by myself." She turned and smiled. Her shield was back up.

"I can drop you off on my way out there," He looked at her. _Please_

She didn't object. He opened the door and they walked down the hallway. Greg was still standing near the door. He turned and smiled at her.

"Hey, Sara, let's go play in the rain." She stopped and looked at him. _Only Greg! _ She knew what Greg was trying to do. _It's just water Sara._

He extended his hand to her. Grissom started to object when she took it. Greg led her outside and they stood in the pouring rain. He started to jump up and down in the puddles as Sara stood there and laughed at him. _This is crazy! _

He grabbed her hand and they ran around in circles. She stopped and looked up into the sky. The rain was pouring down. It felt cleansing. She laughed as they ran back into the building and stood there soaked. Grissom didn't know what to think. He only knew that she was smiling. She grabbed his hand and tried to pull him outside.

"I still have to work," grinned Grissom.

"You can change when you drop me off," pleaded Sara.

He couldn't say no. She pulled him into the rain and they walked hand in hand. Sara stopped in the middle of the parking lot and looked up. It felt so good. She turned and waved at Greg standing at the entrance. Grissom waved as well. He would have to thank Greg personally later.

Sara walked into Grissom's office and stopped when she saw a man standing there. She felt awkward at first not realizing that she had interrupted a meeting of sorts. After introductions, she looked at Grissom.

"I dropped Hank off at the sitters." She smiled and then headed out the door. _Bruno must have been a bad boy today. _Grissom wondered what he had chewed up this time. He hoped it wasn't the laundry again.

She met Nick in the hallway and stopped him when she saw that he was headed to Grissom's office.

"Grissom is with Jack Malone."

Nick turned and smiled. "I guess that means I can take a break with my favorite swing shift gal." She smiled as they walked to the break room.

"So, you've met this Jack Malone?" asked Nick.

"Yeah, I just walked in on their meeting. He seems a bit intense but then I guess he's dealt with a lot of missing person cases that haven't turned out so well."

"It's tough when its kids. You know that makes three kids in the last couple of weeks," said Nick. Sara became quiet. _Shit! I shouldn't have said that! _ Nick decided to change the subject.

"So, I hear you and Greg were playing in the rain the other day. Why wasn't I invited?"

Sara smiled when she recalled the memory. It faded when she looked at Nick. "Does it ever bother you? The people we have to process every day?"

"Sometimes. I like to think that we are helping the living and not the dead."

She watched as Nick got up and poured himself a cup of coffee and then handed Sara a cup. "Everyone wants to be with a loved one when they pass away. When they are taken away, they need to know how and why it happened. We provide those answers for them. It helps to give them closure."

"There are too many of them these days. There are no restrictions. They come from all walks of life and now we are seeing more and more children. I don't understand it."

"I know it hasn't been easy for you since you came back…"

"I wish everyone would stop trying to pin this on Natalie." Sara got up and leaned against the table. "Don't get me wrong, I could have done without the whole abduction crap but I've felt like this for a long time. It's been building and building and I'm not sure how much more I can take. I…" She stopped when she saw Grissom walking down the hall. Nick glanced over and saw Grissom wave at them.

"Have you thought of taking a leave of absence?" asked Nick.

"I've thought about leaving," whispered Sara.

"Leaving work or leaving us?" asked Nick.

Sara did not reply.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter Fifty Six:**

Sara stood at the doorway with the plain clothes officers.

"Could the suspect still be in here?" asked Sara.

"We'll know in a minute," came the reply. "Better wait here."

Sara glanced down and saw droplets of blood on the living room floor. The officers continued the search of the house. Sara brought up the rear.

"Sara," called one of the officers. Sara came and stood near the couch. A woman was lying partially clothed with a blanket over her. Sara's heart sank. _No survivor._

Sara walked through the house taking pictures as Grissom talked with Doc Robbins. Grissom had located the murder weapon, a hammer. He surmised it was the same murder weapon used on their earlier case in which a woman and young boy had been killed.

Sara was relieved she did not work on the case. It was one thing to look into the dead eyes of an adult but it was gut wrenching to see a child. She wondered how Grissom was able to detach himself so easily from the two.

Doc's words invaded her thoughts.

"I heard the husband died at the hospital. He was still alive when his wife was murdered." Sara's stomach lurched.

"So, he was here while his wife was being raped and killed?"

Grissom turned to see Sara's face. It was obvious she was visibly shaken by the case. Doc glanced at Grissom before answering, "It would seem so."

Sara shook her head. The smell of the blood invaded her nasal passages and she hurried outside. She was afraid that she would contaminate the room by throwing up. Grissom watched as she quickly exited. He quickly walked outside following closely behind her.

"Sara? You okay?"

Sara tried to hold in the tears but her resolve was slipping. He wanted to reach for her but he knew the media was nearby.

"I dunno. You have any idea how he selects his victims?"

"No… he picks houses with no security systems or dogs…enters at night when most people are asleep through open doors or windows… easy targets."

"So, basically they were spending the night on the sofa watching a movie…just like…us," Sara walked away. _God Grissom, that could have been us._

Grissom watched as she left. He let her go. He knew she was making it too personal and was losing her perspective. Grissom hated to see her like this. She had been much more emotional these days and wondered if it were the hormones or… was she trying to compare her own life and death experience to the victims. He knew he would need to talk with her about this later. He heard a train blowing in the distance and followed the sound as Sara drove away.

Sara sat in the chair trying to concentrate on the book she held. She missed Grissom. He had left earlier in the week to finish the case with Jack Malone. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep. She heard the key in the door and sat up as Grissom stepped through the door. She was relieved that he was back from New York. They had hoped Jack Malone would find the missing child alive. Instead Grissom had determined the bones unearthed near a railroad site were that of the child. At least another child had been rescued from the killer. Still, the news was little comfort to Sara.

She watched as he sat his suitcase down and locked the door. He turned and smiled.

"Hey! You didn't have to wait up for me."

"You look tired. Did you get something to eat?"

"I picked up something after the plane landed. How are you feeling?" He asked as he picked up her legs and sat down. He held her legs in his lap and began to caress her lower calves.

"Good." _liar_

"How is Jack?"

"I went with him to the parent's home to tell them about their son but I let him do it alone."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes." _liar_ "Glad to be back. How's work been?"

"I dunno. I took a couple of days off. I go back tomorrow." Grissom looked at her and saw that she had not been sleeping. She looked tired and the dark circles had started to reappear.

"Have you called your doctor about…"

"Gil, I'm fine… really." She got up and then held her hand out. He took it and got up from the couch.

"Let's go to bed," smiled Sara. Grissom kissed her as they started toward the bedroom. Sara stopped and looked at him. He turned and then went back to the front door and set the alarm. "It's on."

He spooned his body up next to hers and listened to her sleep. He was tired but there were too many things going through his mind. He recalled the conversation he had with Jack.

"Do you ever think about quitting?"

"Every day."

He wondered if it would be best if Sara did quit. Would it be enough? It was one thing to remove death from Sara's work but it would still be there in her life. She would see it every day when he came home from work. He wondered if perhaps he needed to pursue other job opportunities.

She wasn't getting better, she was getting worst. He saw it in her eyes. The sadness had returned. He had been enough at one time to push the sadness away but it was back. He wondered if the baby would make the difference this time. He also knew that Sara seemed more distrustful these days. _She has a right to be. _

The baby meant a big change for them. There were schedules to adjust and daycares or sitters to consider. He knew that Sara would be the overprotective type. Few would probably pass her scrutiny. He smiled. She was going to be a wonderful mother. It amazed him that she was such a loving person despite the hell she had been through with her childhood.

He caressed her abdomen and kissed her gently on the cheek. He was glad to be home. He was glad to be back with his Sara. He closed his eyes and let the sleep overtake him.

He heard her for the second time that morning. She had insisted that he leave her alone. She didn't like to be sick. It was a sign of weakness. Weakness was not Sara. He hovered at the door a few times but then went into the kitchen once he heard the shower begin. He knew that the sickness had passed.

Grissom laid the toast on the plates and poured another cup of coffee. He was still suffering from jet lag but he knew he had to get into the office to go through the paper that had accumulated while he was gone. He tried not to look at her as she walked into the kitchen. He knew that she would see the worry in his eyes.

"I made you some toast," he said as he turned the page of the newspaper. She walked over and poured a glass of orange juice.

"Going in early?" asked Sara as she sat down and took a bite of toast.

"Paperwork is building," said Grissom as he tried to steal a glance over his paper. He smiled when he managed to do it without making eye contact with her. She looked tired. The dark circles at least were not as visible.

"Any new cases?" asked Grissom.

"Dead body again in the desert. We have to go back this morning."

Grissom pulled her up close to him and laid his head against her abdomen. "Want some help?"

"You have paperwork to do. I'll be fine. I thought I would take Nick. He wants us to do lunch and so I told him that he would have to meet me out there. Want to have lunch with us?"

"Would I be intruding?" asked Grissom. _Sara might talk with Nick. _ It was funny how the others had not said a word about their rings. They had not bothered to hide them and yet no one had mentioned anything.

"I'm not sure. Nick made the offer so I don't know if he wants to talk. Why don't you ask him?"

"I think I will let my wife go out with another man. Just save dinner for us." He got up and held her in his arms. "I love you, Sara." She smiled. Yes, she felt loved. He made sure of that.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter Fifty Seven:**

"Not much to go on," said Nick as Sara snapped the pictures. She stood and looked around. It was several miles from the location where she had been trapped but the desert was the same. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and stared out into the nothingness.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"You haven't talked much about what it was like," he looked at her, "when you were trapped."

She started to answer him when she felt the pain in her side. She initially thought it was just a muscle spasm from bending. She flinched when she felt it again. Nick noticed the anguish on her face.

"Sara, are you alright?" She grabbed for his hand as she braced herself for the next one.

"I think you need to get Grissom," she whispered.

"Hang on Sara, we're almost there," whispered Nick. She lay in the back seat with her head in his lap. Brass glanced at Nick in the rear view mirror. She clutched his hand tighter as the pain continued. He felt her grip loosen and he looked down to see she was now unconscious.

"Sara! Stay with me!" pleaded Nick. Brass sped up as he followed the police escort.

Grissom arrived at the hospital just as Nick was carrying her in through the emergency doors. His eyes shot to Sara and then to Nick and Brass.

"What happened?"

"She's having abdominal pain. She passed out a few minutes ago." The nurses and physicians were running toward Nick. Someone grabbed Sara from Nick and began placing her on a gurney. Grissom tried to stay with her but the security guard blocked his entrance.

"I'm sorry but only medical personnel are allowed back there."

A nurse rushed out and grabbed Grissom by the arm. "Are you family?"

"Yes, I'm her husband."

"We need some medical information on your wife." Grissom began answering the questions as he looked through the small opening of the ER room.

"She's pregnant," whispered Grissom.

"How far along?"

"We're not sure, she has an appointment in a couple of days."

"The physician will be out in a minute to speak with you." The lady disappeared as quickly as she had appeared. Grissom watched as she relayed the information to the on call ER doctor.

He could see the doctor turn and make eye contact with him. The man walked out and took Grissom by the arm. Nick and Brass stayed nearby.

"Mr. Grissom, your wife has an ectopic pregnancy. There appears to be some bleeding and she is going to need surgery immediately. We need to schedule a laparoscopy, a less invasive surgical procedure. We will make a small incision in the lower abdomen and then insert a laparoscope. This long, hollow tube with a lighted end will allow us to view her internal organs. The ectopic pregnancy is then surgically removed and any damaged organs are repaired or removed. She will need general anesthesia. We will need your permission."

Grissom sat there and tried to process the information. _She's pregnant. She's going to lose the baby. She's going to… be devastated._

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Uh, yes. I'll sign whatever you need. Will this…" He stopped. He wasn't sure he wanted to know any more but he knew if he didn't ask the questions, Sara would.

"Can she get pregnant again?"

"We can give you and your wife a fact sheet about this. Basically, approximately 30 of women who have had ectopic pregnancies will have difficulty becoming pregnant again. Her prognosis depends mainly on the extent of the damage.

If the fallopian tube is still intact, the chances of a future successful pregnancy are 60. Even if one fallopian tube has to be removed, the chances of having a successful pregnancy with the other tube can be greater than 40.

I have to be honest with you, Mr. Grissom. Once a woman has one ectopic pregnancy, she has an approximate 15 chance of having another. These things usually happen in women between 35 and 44 years of age."

"She's going to be alright?" asked Grissom.

"It's only rare that we have any complications from the laproscope. I am concerned that she is still unconscious." A nurse stuck her head of the room and called for the doctor.

Grissom got up quickly and looked into the room. He could see that Sara had regained consciousness. The doctor waved for Grissom and he entered the room.

He took Sara's hand and kissed the palm. "I'm here Sara."

She could see by the look in his eye that something was wrong with the pregnancy. He could see the questions in her eyes.

"It's an ectopic pregnancy. They're going to have to do a laproscope to remove…" He couldn't say it. She felt it.

"No! I don't want the procedure!"

Grissom looked at the doctor.

"Mr. Grissom this is not a viable pregnancy."

"Sara, the baby can't survive."

"The baby can't but I can, that's not fair. It isn't right. " she had begun to sob. Grissom tried to comfort her as she hit him with her fists. He held her tightly whispering softly to her and then she grew limp. Alarms started sounding as Sara's blood pressure began to drop. Grissom was shoved to the side as the nurses and attendants began working on Sara. The doctor barked out orders for additional units of blood.

The doctor grabbed Grissom's arm, "She has internal bleeding now and if we don't proceed, she isn't going to make it."

"Do it," said Grissom. He kissed her softly and whispered in her ear. "I love you, Sara."

He stood outside the doorway and watched as they took her to the O.R. Brass and Nick came to stand next to him.

"I'll call the office," said Nick.

Grissom nodded his head. He stood there staring at the elevator that had taken Sara away. Brass patted him on the back and urged him to go to the waiting room.

They sat there waiting. The others had been calling Nick and Brass for updates. They were finishing up the case from that morning as well as a new case.

Grissom was relieved when he saw the same doctor headed to the waiting room.

"Dr. Grissom, your wife is doing fine. She is in recovery. She lost quite a bit of blood initially but once we got that under control, it went smoothly. There was some damage to the right fallopian tube and we had to remove it but everything else was fine. As I explained earlier, your wife can still conceive but may have some difficulty. We can refer you to a fertility clinic in the area when you're ready. I would advise you to wait at least 12 weeks before attempting to get pregnant again."

Grissom nodded. He didn't care about anything right now except Sara. He needed Sara. He needed to know that she was okay. He needed to make sure she understood his decision.

He wasn't sure how she was going to cope with this loss. He wasn't sure if he would be enough again. Hell, he knew he wasn't enough. She had wanted that baby more than anything.


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter Fifty Eight:

It had been three months since Sara's release from the hospital. The first week was difficult for both of them. Grissom had insisted he take off to stay with her but she sent him back to work. She was given an eight week medical leave however this had come and gone. While she stated she wanted to return to work, she wasn't looking forward to facing death again. It had showed her that it was in control. She needed to get out of the house. It felt like a tomb. She needed to get back to some kind of routine even if it meant processing bodies again.

He was glad when her physician refused to let her return. Grissom had convinced the physician that she needed four more weeks. She had been livid that he had intervened. He tried to convince her that she needed some time to deal with everything that had happened in the last few months.

He wasn't sure she had even dealt with the abduction. He knew that it still haunted him. He was determined to make her face the loss of the baby at least. Without a doctor's release, Sara had no choice but to stay away from the office.

He had hoped she would confide in Father Brannigan but she had broken the last couple of appointments. Father Brannigan had even come by the townhouse but she refused to talk with him. When he asked, she had an excuse each time. He knew that she was avoiding the inevitable. She had to talk about the loss. He had tried. Nick had tried. Even Brass had come by but she wouldn't open up to anyone.

He could feel her anger at times. Worse, he could feel her sadness. He didn't know what to do. He had spoken with her physician about the depression but Sara refused to admit she had a problem. To admit such a thing would mean she was weak. She was tired of being weak. She wondered how long the pain would continue. She faced it each and every time she opened and closed her eyes. It was always there.

Grissom had spent the day fielding questions from the staff until finally he had enough and left without telling anyone. He couldn't stand being away from her. He needed her to accept the loss. She pretended that everything was fine but he knew it wasn't. He would catch her staring out the window and wondered how far her mind had let her flee.

He unlocked the door to find her sitting on the back deck. Bruno was sitting by the door wagging his tail. _ He doesn't understand why mommy doesn't want to be around anyone right now. _ He let the dog run out into the backyard as he joined her on the steps.

"You should be at work."

"I should be here."

"Is there something wrong? Are you not feeling well?" she asked.

"Sara, I've tried to give you space but you won't talk with me. Father Brannigan…"

"I don't see the point in discussing the past. It's done. Father Brannigan can't help me. I lived, the baby died. I'm a survivor." She said matter of fact as though she had rehearsed it a thousand times in her head.

"This hurts me too." He whispered.

"It was a mistake. We never should have even tried." She got up and walked back in. He sat there with his fists clenched. He didn't know how to get her to grieve. She needed to grieve. They both needed to grieve.

He walked in and saw her standing there in the kitchen with the glass in her hand. This time he actually wished she would drop it. At least there would be some emotion. He then changed his mind when the memories of his nightmare resurfaced. She took the bottle of wine down and began to fill the glass.

He acted without thought. He grabbed the glass away from her and it crashed to the floor. They stood there looking at the dark stains on the floor.

"I'll clean it up," whispered Sara. She started to walk past him and he grabbed her shoulders and tried to look into her eyes. She wasn't there. He saw no life behind those eyes. She had built a wall that he wasn't sure he could get through.

She walked over and began sweeping up the glass, and sopping up the wine. He turned away as his shoulders slumped forward. He stared out the window and said the only thing that he could. "I love you, Sara." Then he heard her. The tears had finally come.

He turned to see her sitting on the floor with her knees folded up. He sat down beside her and took her into his arms. He held her as she sobbed.

"I'm sorry Sara. We can try again."

She pulled out of his embrace and scrambled to her feet. "NO! I don't want to. It hurts too much. You let them take it from me. You shouldn't have done that! I said no!"

He got up and tried to console her. Her wall of defenses had been breached and all of the pent up emotions were flooding out. She struck her fist into his chest and screamed at him.

"Get mad, Sara. For once don't hold it in." She grabbed a cup off the counter and threw it onto the floor. The porcelain shattered and lay at their feet. He stood there and handed her another one and she threw it. When she had cleared the counter, she crumbled to the floor and sobbed. He wanted to go to her but knew that she wouldn't let him. He waited.

"Sara, please let me love you."

He waited again. She slowly extended her hand and he pulled her into his arms. He rocked her back and forth as they cried together.

Grissom pulled the covers up around them as she slept. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep but couldn't. He gently got up and walked into the livingroom. He heard his phone and answered it quickly while closing the bedroom door a little.

"Griss, its Catherine."

"Catherine, uh I'm sorry I left without telling you."

"How's Sara?"

"We made some lead way tonight."

"We were just taking a break and wanted to check up on both of you. Is there anything we can do?"

"No. I won't be coming in tomorrow. I need to be here. I know that Sara is scheduled to return to work next week. I'm not sure that is a good idea."

"Gil, she has plenty of sick leave. Just get her physician to extend the medical leave."

"I will." Grissom hung up the phone and poured himself a glass of juice. He heard her stirring and hurried into the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her back. She lay there quietly as he eased himself into the bed. He took her into his arms and held her close.

"Talk to me, Sara."

"Love me," she whispered.

"Always," he choked.

She turned to face him. Her eyes were pleading. She had not asked him to make love to her since they had lost the baby. He didn't know if he should. He knew that they had been told to wait twelve weeks but this had come and gone. He then remembered she did not want to try again.

She only wanted him to make love to her. He would do anything for her. He kissed her gently and began to move his hands up and down her body. He had longed to touch her again. Each time he had tried to get close to her, she had recoiled from his touch. He knew that she inwardly blamed him for the loss of the baby. While it hurt him, he knew that it hurt Sara more.

He felt her arch her body towards him in an effort to get closer to him. He pulled her gown off and reveled at the touch of her skin next to his. He could never get enough of her. She was his addiction. He would do or give anything to love her. They were each desperate for the initial contact. He pulled away slightly knowing that he would need to use protection since Sara was not on any birth control.

As he reached into the bedside drawer, she stopped his hand. He started to reason with her but her lips were on his as she pulled him inside her. His senses were reeling as he tried to steady himself. He hoped that he would be able to control his urges until she was able to climax and then he would withdraw but she refused to stop there. He felt himself losing the battle.

"Sara, I need to stop."

"Don't please." Her pleading was his undoing. He kissed her as he felt his release. He didn't know what they had just done. He only knew that he loved her and she had needed him. He held her while they slept. Even in sleep, he felt the need to hold her, to cherish her. When he woke the next morning, she still lay in his arms. Their bodies were intertwined.

He didn't know how long she had been awake. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips. She instinctively returned the kiss. Her touch became urgent as she pulled him closer. He made love to her. He only had to see the pleading in her eyes to convince himself that this was what they needed. They needed to feel as one again.

They spent the day in bed, neither wanting to separate. When they finally grew hungry, Grissom ordered Chinese. They sat there in bed eating from the containers. Bruno had been turned out into the back yard to fend for himself. It was Sara who asked for a session. He was surprised when she did. She had avoided any meaningful discussions for the past three months. He decided to let her choose the topic. Her choice made his heart sank. She wanted to talk about divorce.

Note from Author:

Please hold the tomatoes (no rocks either!). Let just say, I never believed Sara would just leave because of her past. There had to be something else she was trying to resolve so I have added this. Hang in there, I love GSR and would never keep them apart or unhappy.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter Fifty Nine:**

"Divorce is something two people do when there is no other option. I don't believe in divorce. I won't give you one." Grissom had not intended for his voice to sound so harsh or loud. He threw his feet over the side of the bed and reached for his robe. He felt like he was suffocating. He tried to slow his heart but her words cut like a knife.

Sara tried to grab his arm but he pulled away.

"Rule number two. No matter what we say, the other can not get mad or at least leave mad. We have to talk it through," reminded Sara.

"How can we? If you want to discuss divorce then how can you expect me to follow rule number two? Have you forgotten the other rules Sara? Have you forgotten that without one the other can not exist? I can't and I won't exist without you." His voice faltered near the end. She could see the pain in his eyes. She had let him hurt in silence for the last three months and she did not intend to let him continue to hurt.

"I don't want a divorce," whispered Sara. Grissom stopped. He turned to look at her.

"Then why discuss divorce?"

"I wanted to give you that option. I love you. I've always loved you. I always will. I'm just not sure I know how to fix me. I have this emptiness that I can't explain. I feel like I'm drowning again. You deserve better."

Grissom returned to the bed and took her into his arms. "It's going to take time, Sara. I would never give you a divorce. I love you. I've always loved you. I always will. I know we can fix this. Just let me love you. We'll get through the emptiness. I won't let you drown."

She believed him. She had to. She felt so ashamed for turning away from him. He had been hurting these past few months and she had chosen to turn away from him, from them.

"I don't know if you can forgive me. I was hurt and I lashed out at you. I couldn't bear the thought of losing our baby so I took it out on you. You deserved better."

He kissed her lovingly in the palm of her hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't reach you. I knew you were hurting but I didn't know how to help."

She cried as he caressed her abdomen like he had done so many times before. "I don't care if we ever have another child. You make me happy, Sara. I just need you."

"I can't promise you that I'm going to be fixed any time soon. I'm trying to work through these feelings."

"Promise me, you'll come to me anytime you feel like you're drowning. Promise me!"

She saw the desperation and fear in his eyes and she kissed him. She pulled him down and begged him to make love to her. He buried his head in her shoulder as he plunged deeply inside her. She arched her back to meet each thrust and they collided in one sensation. He felt her tears as he tried to slow his breathing.

"Sara, we have to talk about this. We have to use some protection if we want to avoid…"

She stopped him from finishing the statement as she took his lips into hers. She knew that there was a chance but she didn't care. She just wanted to love him and fill the void. He prayed that she wouldn't become pregnant. He feared that Sara would not be able to handle another loss. He wasn't sure he would be able to either.

She watched him sleep. She knew that his nightmares had returned and it was her fault. She felt the guilt rise and she swallowed hard to stifle the sobs. She had only wanted to love him but instead he had been hurt. Sara caressed his cheek as he lay sleeping beside her. His hand rested on her waist. His hands were always touching her as if he needed to reassure himself that she was still with him.

His insecurities had returned with a vengeance. She didn't know how they were going to get through this when she returned to work next week. She would be working when he was at home asleep…alone. _Who would comfort him? Who would tell him it was going_ _to be alright?_ She closed her eyes and prayed that her love would comfort him while she was away…

Grissom could feel her. She slept very little these days and when she did it was in small increments. They had talked more than they had done in months. They had begun their sessions again. He was relieved that she had finally opened up about the loss of the baby. He had known that she blamed him but in reality he knew she blamed herself more.

He saw the hurt in her eyes. At times he could feel the melancholy as if it were a shroud she wore. He worried about next week. He found himself torn. _Do I beg her to quit her job only to have her hate me later if it's a mistake? Who will comfort her at night when I'm working? What if she needs me and I can't get to her? What if…_

His head hurt and for the first time in a while he felt the beginning of a migraine. He closed his eyes and pulled her to him. He tried to fight the pain pulsating in his head but it was getting worse. She leaned up to look at him. She could almost feel his pain. She quietly got up and left the room only to return with a glass and his medicine. She handed it to him and he took it.

"You're good for me," he whispered. _Don't ever leave me._

"Get some sleep, I'm here," she whispered. _I hurt you more._

_Note: Please be sure and give a review of each chapter. I love to hear your responses. Take care! Penny_


	60. Chapter 60

**Note from Author:**

Thanks for the many reviews. I know this is a bit dark but we all know that it took alot for Sara to walk away. (By the way, I have no intentions of having her wander all over the U.S Alone... so keep happy thoughts as you trudge through these chapters!)

**Chapter Sixty:**

"Sara, I'm glad you finally came to see me," said Father Brannigan.

She sat down in the pew and stared at the altar.

"I came to say goodbye," said Sara.

"Oh, I wasn't aware that you were going away."

"I'm going to be leaving soon," she whispered. She hadn't told anyone her intentions and she wasn't sure why she felt the need to tell him. She had just been driving around and suddenly found herself there.

"Are you going away with Grissom?" he asked.

"No."

The curtness of the reply sent up red flags. Father Brannigan had been doing this far too many years.

"Don't you think you need to tell him?"

"I will."

"Sara, Grissom told me about the baby. I'm sorry. We don't always understand God's plan for us. We…"

"I'll tell you what God's plan is for me. He intends to make me suffer for whatever thing I did in my life to piss him off. He gave me a family that knew only violence and then he snatches them away. Too late. Of course, because the physical and emotional scars will always be there. If that wasn't enough he lets me trust a man who I thought loved me only to rape me." She covered her mouth when she heard the words blurt out. She had never told anyone. She closed her eyes and continued.

"He gives me the brains and the intellect to court death every day, like I haven't had enough of it in my past. Of course there is Natalie. Who can forget Natalie? I finally have the man that I love only to hurt him time and time again. I can't even give him a child. I have to screw that up. He risked his career to be with me and now what do I do? I'm going to run as far as I can because I don't want him to see me self destruct. I don't want to know what God's plan is for me. I already know. I hate him. He never loved me and that's fine with me. I hate him. You hear me!" She covered her mouth as the words spewed from her. She had never verbally said anything against God before but she knew it was coming from her heart.

Father Brannigan sat there and waited for her to finish. He saw the pain and anquish in her eyes. "Sara, you don't mean that. I know your heart and you don't mean that. You're hurt and you don't understand why you lost the baby but you don't hate God. Through out your whole life, you have rested on the assurance that he is always there for you. When your parents fought and they beat you, he was there to comfort you in the dark. When the man tricked you into believing you were truly loved only to assault you, he was there to see to it that you had the strength to endure. He didn't let your heart harden because of the attack. He was there when you struggled all those years waiting for Grissom to face his own demons so you could be together. He was especially there when Natalie placed you under that Mustang. He made sure you were a survivor.

Now, he gave you a glimpse of heaven by giving you a child even if it were only for a little while. None of us belong on this earth forever. We are only here temporary. Whether you like it or not, he loves you. He's always loved you." He turned and held her hand.

"You can run as far you want but the truth of the matter remains the same. God doesn't do bad things to you. Life does. He's just there to pick up the pieces if you will let him. You have to let go, Sara. Give the problems to him and let go." He continued to hold her hand as she silently cried. He tried to comfort her more but she hugged him and ran.

Sara fled out the door and sat in her car. She felt the tears on her face as she drove home. When she arrived, Grissom was sitting there on the couch. He had just showered and was getting ready for his shift. He saw the tears and waited for her to make the first move.

She fell down on her knees and placed her head down in his lap. It was much like the time when he had come to her apartment. It was confession time. She blurted out to him what she had told Father Brannigan. His body became rigid when she confessed about the rape.

Although he had always suspected it, she had never divulged that horror to him. He wanted to know more but knew that just admitting such a thing was hard enough. He held her as she sobbed. He wondered if there were any more horrors that Sara had endured alone. _No, she's never been alone. She knows that. She may be angry with God but she knows that she is never alone. _

"I didn't mean what I said. I didn't mean I hate him. I didn't mean it. I just hurt. I just want the pain to go away," she whispered.

"I know, honey. It will in time. I'm glad you finally went to Father Brannigan. If you want to talk with anyone else then I'll make the arrangements. I'll go with you. Sara, no one expects you to go through the hell that you've gone through and not be affected."

"I can't talk about this to anyone else. I can't. I've tried in the past."

"Then talk to me. I'm always up for a session." He kissed her gently on the lips as he held her tight. _I want to kill the bastard that raped you. You have to let me know who did this. _

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I never told you about the rape."

"I know. I was waiting for when you were ready."

"You knew?"

"I suspected as much. Those cases seemed to bother you the most."

"I seem to be a mess."

"You're not a mess, Sara. You're my wife. My life. I love you just the way you are."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you love me now?"

"Always."


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter Sixty one:**

It had been a couple of months and Sara appeared to be functioning at her job. He didn't see the sparkle in her eye that she used to have but he was just relieved that she had fallen into a routine. Routine was good. It kept her mind off the past or so he thought.

He saw the look on her face when the name was spoken. She had often spoken about this case. It was one that Sara had regretted. The young girl reminded Sara of herself. The difference was that Sara was a survivor of her past hell and Hannah had chosen death. She was a child killer. She asked for the case. She had not appeared to be interested in any case since she returned and Grissom felt that perhaps she needed to work this case to show her that she was still the same strong Sara. He should have listened to his inner voice.

He tried to calm the voices inside his head but there were too many of them. She had promised to let him know if she felt she was drowning. He had to believe her. Hannah could have done anything with her life but instead she chose to wrap her world around her brother. She was sucking the life out of her brother little by little. Sara chose to let death do the same to her. At one time Sara had identified with Hannah but now things were different. She was surprised at the similarities between Marlon West and herself.

He felt helpless. So did Sara. He felt he was an innocent victim who was going to be punished for no reason other than being a part of Hannah's family. Sara felt the same way. She had witnessed and been a part of the sick life that unfolded in her family. They each had thought that they had survived. The brother found out in the end that he wasn't really a survivor. Sara was now convinced that it was a matter of time before she found out the same thing. Death was cruel.

Grissom had promised he would not intervene at work but when she had come toward his office but then walked away, he felt that she had been trying to warn him. _I'm drowning!_

He had gone looking for her and what he witnessed scared the hell out of him. Hannah had gotten to Sara. Grissom watched Sara's reaction as Hannah spoke about the abduction. Sara had yelled at the child and then fled the room. He knew that Sara had more ghosts than she wanted to admit. It was time to intervene.

Sara whirled around when she heard him.

"Hey," called Grissom.

"What are you doing here?" asked Sara. _You promised!_

"I was going to ask you the same question. Listen I'm worried about you," said Grissom.

"That just makes this worse. I can't talk about this right now. I can't." _You're breaking your promise! _ She backed away from him and fled. He didn't know how to react. He wanted to go after her but then remembered his promise. He would wait. She promised she would come to him if she felt like she was drowning. Why did he feel like she was?

She finally came to him. She stood in the doorway and he felt a sense of relief. She started to tell him something when she got the phone call that Marlon West was dead. She felt no justice in telling Hannah. She watched as the Hannah crumbled to the ground, finally revealing her true age and despair.

Sara felt her humanity slipping away inch by inch as she watched the little girl grieve for her brother. She couldn't do this anymore. She had enough. She must leave if she was going to save herself or self destruct. She didn't want to do the latter but then she didn't want to leave either. To leave meant to leave Grissom, her life. Her heart ached. If she could not save herself she would at least save Grissom the horror of watching her slip from reality. _Like mother like daughter. _

She kissed him in front of Hodges and walked away. Grissom was not sure what to make of it. Perhaps she had heard that he had been searching for her and she only wanted to reassure him that she was okay. He didn't like the look in her eye. He wanted to go after her but knew that he had promised to keep his distance at work. _Why did I promise that?_

He left Hodges standing there even though he was not finished giving Grissom the results of the tests. He had to find her. He needed to find her. The little voice inside his brain was now screaming at him to find her. He felt the beginning of a panic attack. He had not felt like this since the night Natalie had taken _Sara_. He had almost lost her then. _God, I can't lose her again!_

"Judy, have you seen Sara?"

"She left a little while ago but left you this note." Grissom took the note and headed to the sanctuary of his office. _God, this isn't good. Why do I feel like this isn't good?_

Gil,

You know I love you. _Yes I do. _ I feel I've loved you forever. _Ditto. _ Lately I

haven't been feeling very well. _I know._ Truth be told, I'm tired. _You have my support, _

_you always have. _Out in the desert under that car I realized something and I haven't been

able to shake it. _Damn Natalie. _ Since my father died I've spent almost my entire life

with ghosts. We've been like close friends and out there in the desert it occurred to me

that it was time for me to bury them. _Don't bury us Sara. _ I can't do that here. _I could _

_have gone with you. _I'm so sorry. _I don't blame you but I hurt._ No matter how hard I

tried to fight it off I'm left with the feeling that I have to go. _I don't want to be alone. _ I

have no idea where I'm going but I know I have to do this. _You could have told me. _ If I

don't, I'm afraid I'll self destruct and you'll be there to see it happen. _If you're not here I _

_may self destruct. Without one there can not be the other. You broke the rules. Sara. _

_You broke the rules. Now, you're breaking my heart! _ Be safe. _I'm lost _ Know that I

tried very hard to stay. _You should have told me you were drowning. I should have _

_known…I failed you again. _You are my one and only. _You are my one and only. _ My

heart. _My life. _ Our life together was the only home I've ever had. _I have no home now. _

I wouldn't trade it for anything. _I would give my life for one more moment with you. _ I

love you. _I love you_ I always will. _Me too. _Goodbye _This can't be goodbye. We promised we wouldn't say that word. Please God don't let her say goodbye. _

Grissom stood and stared at the note. He ran out into the parking lot but her car was gone. He jumped into his vehicle and drove to the townhouse. Her car was parked outside. His heart eased up a little. He slung open the door and checked each room. She was gone. He searched their room and noticed some of her clothes were missing. He went into work mode. The townhouse was now a crime scene.

He reached for his phone and called Brass.

"I need an APB put out on Sara,"

"What's happened?"

"She's gone. She left a note. I'm worried about her Jim. This is worse than the abduction. Please, do what ever you have to do and put out an APB now! Her car is here but she may have taken a taxi."

"It's done. Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"It's going to be okay. You hear me?"

"We have to find her. I can't go through this again, Jim. I can't." Brass heard the desperation in his friend's voice. Grissom was right. He couldn't go through this again. It had just about pushed him over the edge when Sara was missing. He couldn't imagine the hell Grissom was going through at this moment.

Grissom took an inventory of her belongings. He jotted down each thing. There were the clothes, the personal items, the picture of them that was no longer on her side of the bed, the suitcase, her favorite poetry book. _No, she put that under my pillow. Like, I'm going to ever sleep again. Sara, why are you doing this to me? God, I can't take this again._

Once he completed a thorough search of the townhouse, he headed back to the lab. Ronnie met him at the door and showed him the vest that Sara had left in her locker. His fingers caressed the handwriting on the tape. It had poured out of Sara. It was her handwriting. It was a link to her. _God, I'm going to lose my mind._

Nick and Warrick were now searching the locker room. Ecklie was reportedly on his way down. He didn't care. He needed to find her. Nick carried the shoes into Grissom's office. He stared at them. _They're Sara's. _

He noticed the blood stain on the tip of the shoes. Then Warrick had produced the cloth name tag that had been found in another trash can. _That's not her name anymore. It's Grissom. She needed to throw it away. Why didn't I insist on getting her a new patch? She's my Sara. My Sara Grissom. She's my life. I… failed her again._

Ecklie stood at the doorway while Nick and Warrick remained in the office.

"I understand you put out an APB on Sara. Unless there is a good reason, you can't use the department to search for your girlfriend who has decided to leave you."

Nick and Warrick looked at one another and they grabbed Ecklie by the arm. He was pulled out into the hallway.

"Sara needs our help. Grissom knows her better than any of us and we intend to find her," snarled Warrick.

"If you ever get in his face again with those accusations, head or no head of the department, we are going to kick your ass. Got it?" yelled Nick. Ecklie backed away and headed down the hall. Nick and Warrick walked back into Grissom's office. He sat there staring at the evidence that had been collected. _She's gone._

Brass came to the doorway and motioned for the others to leave. He closed the door behind him.

"She took A-1 cab to the bus station. She purchased four tickets. We're not sure which bus she actually got on. She didn't intend for us to locate her so quickly. Gil, have you tried calling her?"

He hadn't even thought of doing something so simple. He fumbled for his phone and started to dial her number but then stopped. He looked at Brass.

"What if she doesn't pick up? What if she doesn't want to talk with me?"

"You want me to call?" asked Brass. Grissom didn't know what to say. He wanted to hear her voice. He needed to hear her voice. Brass didn't wait for an answer. He dialed her number and waited. He was relieved when he heard her voice.

"Sara? Gil is worried sick. Don't hang up, honey, please. He isn't doing too good right now." Brass glanced at Grissom. He felt as though he was his life line at the moment. To lose her on the line might mean the loss of his friend.

"Sara, could you please talk with him." There was silence. Brass closed the phone and Grissom's heart sank. He felt the heaviness in his chest. He felt the panic attack rising again.

"Gil, she intends to call you once she gets settled into a hotel room. She promised she would call."

"She promised?" he whispered.

"She promised."

_She promised a lot of things. She promised she would let me know if she felt she was drowning. She broke our rules. She broke… my heart. _

"What does she want me to do?"

Brass looked at this friend. He hated to tell him. "She said that you needed to get back to work." _Like hell! I can't work. I'm going out of my mind. I can't sit here and pretend she's waiting at home._

Brass grabbed Grissom's jacket. "Come with me." He led Grissom out as the others stood and watched. Any other time, it would have bothered him to have his personal life on display but he didn't care. He felt lost. He was lost… and alone.


	62. Chapter 62

Note from Author:

Please hold on! There is a happier side that is coming. I just felt we needed to see the way Grissom would have really reacted to Sara leaving. Let me know if you agree. Remember, GSR always. One can not exist without the other. Keep happy thoughts!

Penny

**Chapter Sixty Two:**

Brass sat on the couch as he watched Grissom pace back and forth. There was a knock at the door. Grissom made no move to answer it so Brass opened the door to find the others. They strolled in one by one. Greg began playing with Bruno as Nick and Warrick sat down beside Brass. Catherine stood and watched Grissom pace. He refused to make eye contact with any of them.

"Has anyone heard from her?" asked Greg.

"I called and she said she would check in with Griss when she got to her hotel."

"That's good then," said Nick.

"Sara just needs a little time away. She'll be okay," said Warrick.

Catherine looked down at her phone and noticed a message. She smiled when she saw that it was from Sara. "I got a message from Sara." Grissom's eyes shot up. Catherine listened to the message. She then handed the phone to Grissom so he could listen. He sat down in the chair.

"We should get some breakfast. I don't think any of us ate anything last night," said Catherine. She went to the kitchen and checked out the fridge. She noticed that it had been recently stocked. _Sara._

The guys looked at one another. "What did she say?" asked Greg.

"She said to make sure Grissom eats. I'm in charge of breakfast. Greg, you're in charge of walking the dog. Nick and Warrick, you guys are to make sure Brass and Grissom don't do something stupid like put out an APB."

"Too late for that," muttered Brass.

"It's not stupid. She shouldn't be alone. She shouldn't have left." he choked on the last part and fled the room. They heard the bedroom door close behind him. Nick looked at Brass and then the others.

"I'm like Grissom. I'm worried. I talked with her one day and she kind of hinted that she felt like leaving. I asked her if she meant leaving the job or us and she never responded," said Nick.

"I ran into her last night and I dropped some sleeping pills. She told me she hadn't been sleeping well. I told her I wasn't worried about her. I should have been," whispered Warrick.

"I'm worried about Grissom," said Brass.

Catherine started the omelets. Warrick joined her in the kitchen to help out. Greg continued to play with Bruno in the backyard. Nick tapped at the bedroom door and walked in without waiting for a response. He found Grissom sitting on the bed holding a picture of Sara. He sat down beside him. Grissom handed him the picture.

"It was taken last year when we went camping. We had so much fun. A little sore after sleeping on the ground but it was worth it."

"She loves you. You know?"

"I know… I failed her again. I should have seen this coming."

"Grissom, Sara has demons that we can't even imagine. I think the abduction just brought those demons back to the surface. She's managed to avoid dealing with all of that stuff but now she has no choice. She needs time to sort through all of this and then she will come home."

"I'm not sure she can do it on her own. What happens if she can't?"

"She'll call you."

Catherine popped her head into the room. Nick made Grissom come into the kitchen for breakfast. They sat there eating breakfast in silence. Catherine looked at the cups. They were different.

"The cups are nice. I liked the others. Why did you change?"

Grissom stared at the cups. He didn't know why he felt the need to share with them the horrors of the last couple of months but once he began talking, he couldn't seem to stop. They stared in disbelief as he recounted his nightmare only to have it come true with the loss of the baby. They were surprised that his nightmares were worse than Sara's. He told them of the crashing of the china on the floor by Sara until she had collapsed onto the floor in sobs.

He talked about how she didn't want to try to get pregnant again only to stop him from using any protection. He talked about the many times she tried to tell him she was haunted by death only to push her into returning to the lab where she faced it every day. He even mentioned the physical and emotional abuse she had endured. He talked about all of it ...except the rape.

He couldn't bring himself to even discuss that with anyone. He talked until he was sure they thought he was having a nervous breakdown. He wasn't sure that he wasn't. He sat there staring at the cup while the others tried to process the information. It was Catherine who placed her hand over his only to have it pushed away. He got up and walked out to the deck and sat down.

Catherine stared at Brass. "I had no idea," she whispered. Nick and Warrick echoed the sentiment. Greg seemed a bit angry. He placed the leash on the dog and left the townhouse. No one seemed to notice that it was the third walk in less than two hours.

Brass looked outside. "He's not handling this too well. I've never seen him like this. I know he was a mess when she was missing but this… He's devastated."

They heard his phone ring and their hearts began to race. They could tell by his demeanor that it was Sara. The man was crying.

"Sara, please come home," he begged. He heard her sobbing. He couldn't bear the thought that he could not comfort her. They were both alone and in hell.

"Tell me where you are. Please let me come to you," he begged.

"Gil, I need to do this. You need to let me do this."

"You broke the rules, Sara. You broke them." He sobbed over the phone.

"Please don't do this, It hurts too much," she sobbed.

"Don't cry Sara. Please don't cry. Just stay in contact. I need to hear from you. I'll go out of mind if I don't hear from you."

"I promise I'll call." _You've broken promises before!_

"I don't like the way you ended the note. We agreed to never say that word and you did. Remember, one can not exist without the other. Do you hear me Sara?" He was yelling now. He didn't mean to yell. He didn't mean to sound so harsh. He didn't mean to fall apart. He was. He laid the phone down. He couldn't say another word. Brass walked out and picked up the phone.

"Hey, kiddo. Grissom is going to be okay. We're here with him. I'll make sure he takes care of himself. You take care of yourself." He placed the phone in Grissom's hand and glared at him. He took it.

"If you need me any time day or night, you call. If you need me to come to you, I will. Just say the word, Sara. If you don't want to come back here, I'll pack up our stuff and we can move. You are the most important thing in my life. Nothing else matters but us. I love you Sara. I always have and I always will. Don't forget that." He heard her whisper "I love you too," before she hung up.

He sat there staring at nothing. He heard footsteps behind him and then a beer was placed in his hand. Brass patted him on the back.

"She's going to be okay. If she wasn't, she never would have picked up her phone and she never would have called you."

Grissom hoped he was right. He wasn't sure if he would be able to wait long. He didn't have the strength to do this. Sara was the strong one. Without her, he would surely die. He knew it and his heart knew it…


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter Sixty Three:**

Sara sat down on the bed. She had gotten a total of fifty miles from home. It felt like a thousand. She had gotten off the bus before her destination. She chuckled at the word. She had no idea what her destination was supposed to be. She had fled. She had done it. She had even talked with him and she was still breathing. She had thought she would die when she heard the hurt in his voice. The hurt belonged to her.

She had done the one thing she vowed she wouldn't do. She had broken his heart. It was still too painful to dwell on. She had hoped he would be more angry than devastated. Yes, that was the word that described his reaction, devastation and she was the cause of it. _What have I done?_

When he yelled at her that she had broken the rules, she knew what rule was the most sacred: one could not exist without the other. He had reminded her. In his pain, he had yelled it through the phone. It was at that moment that she became deathly ill and rushed off the bus. She had vomited violently on the side of the road. The driver had taken pity and called her a cab. Now, here she was in a hotel room only fifty miles from home and all she wanted to do was hear his voice.

She closed her eyes and fought back the tears but they spilled forth anyway. Why not? It wasn't like any part of her body was willing to cooperate with her. The queasiness returned with a vengeance. _I should have flown but then I would have gotten farther away than I wanted. I don't know what I want._

She ordered room service. She had intended to use only cash but then she didn't think Grissom would try to track her down. _No, he would get Brass to do that!_

She had left strict instructions on Jim's phone not to do that. She paid for the food and sat down to eat but her stomach refused to cooperate. She ate anyway. She pulled out the picture she had taken and set it by the bed. She was tempted to call him. She needed to hear his voice. _God, how am I going to do this if I can't even go a few hours without him…without us?_

She didn't know when she fell asleep. She was tired. She had been tired for a very long time. She glanced at the clock and was shocked that she had managed to sleep several hours. It was the most she had slept in awhile. She turned on the television and sat there flipping through the channels before resting on Larry King Live. She had no idea why she stopped although the topic was interesting. She took bottled water from the fridge and watched the show.

She smiled when the discussion turned from paranormal to ghosts. _I have a lot of ghosts. Perhaps I just need to contact the ghost hunters and let them exorcise these ghosts._

The thought was absurd but when the discussion turned to the Stanley Hotel, she became very interested. She didn't know why but she found herself calling for a reservation. _Can I really go that far? It's only Colorado, Sara. Go!_

She sat back and closed her eyes. She was actually going to go farther. She changed into a gown and then hooked up her laptop. She scrolled through Google until she found the website for the hotel. She sat for the next hour reading anything and everything she could about the hotel.

It was a love story she found rather than just a history of a hotel. It seems that F.O. Stanley had made millions on a new photographic technique that was later purchased by Kodak. He and his brother also invented an automobile. The man was a self made millionaire. He was also a man madly in love with his wife, Flora. When F.O. was diagnosed with Tuberculosis, they came to Estes Colorado at the advice of his physician.

His wife gave up her social life and status in hopes of finding a cure for her husband. It worked. He flourished in the mountains. He knew his wife missed the city life so he built the Stanley Hotel in hopes of enticing her old friends to visit. It worked. The hotel was a great success under their care as well as the town. He practically built the town.

When one was in need, he was there to lend a hand. He paid very little attention to his money. He never seemed to care if he made a profit. He and his wife were never able to have children of their own but there were always children about. They were happy.

Sara smiled. She wanted to go there. She wanted to sit there in the big rocking chairs and look at the snow covered mountains. She wanted to feel some sense of peace and the place beckoned her. So it was haunted. So was Sara.

She was surprised how quickly time had passed. She pondered on whether she should call room service again. She wondered if Grissom had eaten. She prayed that he was fine. She was counting on Catherine to check on Grissom. As she sat there on the edge of the bed, she felt the need to hear his voice. She picked up the phone and dialed his number.

Grissom lay on the couch. He had thrown everyone out hours ago. He was relieved when Greg offered to take Bruno for awhile. He couldn't take care of himself much less a dog, Sara's dog. He felt that was the reason Greg had offered. The dog was a part of Sara. _He probably doesn't want me to chase the dog away like I did Sara._

He grabbed the phone when it rang. He was relieved to see the caller ID. It was Sara.

"Hey," she whispered.

"How are you?" he whispered.

"I'm fine," _liar_

"Then that means you're coming home?" There was a silence between them.

"Sara?"

"yeah?"

"I love you," he whispered. He heard her phone drop. He yelled for her but there continued to be silence. Sara ran to the bathroom as she felt the nausea hit. She sat there on the floor as she tried to control the convulsions. She could hear him yelling. _Shit! I didn't want him to worry_

She grabbed the phone and leaned back against the tub.

"I'm sorry Grissom. I'm here."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm a little under the weather."

"Sara… I'll beg if I have to. Please come home or let me come to you. Please honey!"

She felt herself saying yes. She felt her body ache for him. She felt another bout of nausea hit. She closed her eyes to hold back the wave.

"Grissom, I have to go. I'll call back in a little while when I'm feeling better."

"Don't hang up Sara! Please! Tell me what's wrong."

"I must have caught a stomach virus or a bad case of nerves."

"Try some saltine crackers." _That always seemed to work when she was preg… shit!_

"Where are you?" he begged. He didn't care if she heard the desperation in his voice.

"I'm in a hotel room. I'm okay."

"Sara, if you love me, you'll tell me where the hell you are. This isn't fair. This hurts. If you intend to hurt me, you're doing a hell of a job. For god's sake, tell me!"

He heard her sobbing. He heard the phone being dropped. He felt like an ass. He closed his eyes as he listened to her fall apart. He tried to comfort her as best as he could.

"I'm sorry Sara. I miss you. I can't stand to be away from you. Do whatever you think you have to do but please stop crying. Let's talk about something else. Okay? Sara?"

He cringed when he heard the vomiting. Her body trembled with each convulsion. She lay on the cool tile and waited for it to pass again. She noticed the phone. The lifeline was still there. She grabbed the phone and crawled to the bed. She pulled the covers down and crawled inside. Once she was situated, she spoke into the phone.

"I think I'm going to sleep for awhile."

"Get some rest, honey. If you need me, I'm here." He waited for the click but it didn't come.

"I'm at the Hillshire Inn, 50 miles from home. I didn't get very far," she whispered. _This is good. I know where you are now._

"Sara?"

"My flight leaves tomorrow." _This is bad. I don't know where you're going._

"I love you, Sara,"

"I need to see this through," she sobbed.

"Sara?" She did not respond. _Please let me come to you._

"If I come I won't talk you out of it. Okay? I just need to know you're okay. I'll take you to the airport myself." _Please honey, please._

"I'll see you soon," she whispered.

Grissom was already half way to the Denali. He continued to talk with her while he drove. He was afraid to hang up for fear she would run. He couldn't bear the thought of being so close and then losing the chance to love her., to feel her... God how was he going to keep his word? This must have been what it felt like when he went on sabbatical. _You stupid bastard! What kind of hell did you put her through?_

He was already half way there. He chatted about anything from the weather to the landmarks to the amount of traffic. He just wanted to hear her voice.

"Gil?"

"Yeah"

"I'll be here when you get here. I'm not going anywhere right now," she said softly.

"Do you think you could eat something? I could pick us up something?"

The thought of food did not sound appealing at the moment but she knew he needed to eat.

"Just pick up anything. I'll see you soon. I think I'm going to sleep for a little while."

"Get some rest honey. I'm on my way."

Grissom found himself doubting her. The thought bothered him. _I trust her. I believe her. She wouldn't have me drive all this way and leave. _

He continued to worry until he softly tapped at her door and he saw her face to face. He grabbed her into his arms and they sobbed.

The food was left on the floor in the bags. They had stripped each other of their clothing and found themselves like so many times before, in bliss. He kissed her over and over until she had to pull away. She would then proceed to kiss him and it would only begin another session of foreplay followed by intense lovemaking.

He kissed her gently as she closed her eyes. He picked up the bag of food and began laying it out on the small table. She rolled over and stared at him. He smiled when he saw that she was awake again.

"You can sleep if you want."

"I'm actually a little hungry."

They sat in bed and ate the sandwiches he had purchased. He glanced at her several times while they ate.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better. I think it was just a bad case of nerves."

"Sara, why didn't you just tell me you needed to get away for awhile? Don't you think I would let you go?"

"I wasn't sure I would let myself go. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I still haven't gone that far." He took her hand and kissed the palm.

"Your flight leaves tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yes." She did not offer any more information and he did not push.

"You need a sabbatical. I did."

"You went to teach. I'm not sure I know where or what I'm doing."

"You're taking time for yourself. That's good."

She looked at him and smiled a little. She leaned into him and he pulled her closer.

"You'll stay in touch? Please?"

"I'll call you every chance I get," He breathed a sigh of relief. He would have a lifeline to her. He could live with that. _I think_

"Why don't you get some sleep? If you want me to go, I will." _Please don't make me leave._

"Would you stay?" she asked. He smiled as he kissed her tenderly. He was exhausted as well. They fell asleep in each other's arms.

Brass picked up his phone. He had been sitting in front of Grissom's townhouse for hours and yet he had not returned. Grissom slowly got out of the bed and walked into the bathroom.

"Grissom" he whispered.

"Where the hell are you?" asked Brass.

"I'm with Sara."

Brass smiled. "She gave you her location?"

"Yes. She's leaving in the morning and I'm taking her to the airport. She just needs to get away for awhile."

"Where is she going?"

"Not sure. I didn't ask."

"Good boy. Don't scare her. Okay? If you push, she may run."

"Sounds like you have experience with this sort of thing."

"Let's just say I learn from my mistakes." Brass hung up the phone. Grissom looked at the clock on the bedside table. It would be morning soon. _How do I let her go? I could beg her to let me come._

He slid back in bed with her and held her close. He didn't know when he would be able to do this again. It frightened him a little to know that tomorrow he would be alone again but at least he would see her go this time. She would see and feel his love when she left.

He wondered if she had been correct about the illness. He prayed that she was right. He worried about letting her go for that reason. _What if she's pregnant and it's another ectopic pregnancy? What if she resists the surgery and risks her life? _

He closed his eyes and prayed that it was just a virus or nerves. _What if?_


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter Sixty Four:**

Grissom stood outside the bathroom door waiting for an invitation. She had gotten sick several times during the night. The first time she refused to let him help her but the second time, she couldn't make it back to the bed. He had practically carried her. She knew that he was angry with the prospect of her leaving on the plane.

"Sara?"

"I'm not fine." She wondered if she used a variation of her old line it would lighten his mood. It didn't. She sat on the edge of the tub after showering. The shower had actually made her feel better but she was still weak.

She opened the door to find him standing there with arms crossed ready to do battle.

"I'm feeling better."

"We need to talk."

"Gil, you promised."

"I have every intention of honoring that promise. First I want to make sure you have our credit cards and emergency cards in the event you need to reach me."

She pulled her wallet out of her purse and handed it to him. He checked and saw that she had not bothered to pack their joints cards. He pulled his out of his wallet and placed it inside her wallet. He noticed the health insurance card and then made sure the emergency card was visible in the event he needed to be contacted.

He smiled when he saw her new driver's license which displayed her new name, their name, GRISSOM. He then pulled her over to the bed and made her lie down. He pulled up the chair from the desk and sat in front of her.

"We need to add some rules."

Sara stared at him.

"First, no breaking the rules unless you want to intentionally hurt the other person."

Sara lowered her eyes.

"Next, no saying goodbye or running away, you're going on a much needed sabbatical."

Sara nodded.

"Next, do I even have to mention that we're in this for life? We've had our discussion about divorce and I never want to hear that word again unless you want to hurt me. Refer back to the first rule I just mentioned."

Sara smiled as her eyes misted.

"Next, if you need me, you must ask and I will be there. This means in sick and in health. If I need you, I will ask and you will be there."

Sara nodded again as he kissed the palm of her hand.

"Next, we have to stay in contact."

Sara looked at him. "Anything else?"

"I need to know where you're going. I'll do the same for you."

"I'm going to the Stanley Hotel in Estes, Colorado for a couple of days." Grissom smiled.

"I think that is a wonderful idea. You need some rest honey. Everything else can wait."

She leaned back and closed her eyes. She was glad she had called him. For the first time, she felt like she could get through this. She opened her eyes and he was still looking at her.

"I'm going to visit my mother next. I think she still lives in San Francisco."

"I can find out if you like?" he offered.

"I would like that."

He checked her flight arrangements and knew that she had a couple of hours before the flight. He made her get some sleep while he sat and watched over her.

He waited until the last moment to wake her. She looked very tired and her complexion was pale. He prayed she would get the rest she needed. He was just relieved he knew where she was going and that she would stay in contact with him.

He gently kissed her and she pulled him close to her.

"Do we have time?" She whispered.

"Always," he whispered.

**Note from author:**

I am so sorry I am posting this so late but my family wanted to shop! Ugh Can you imagine?? Okay, as some of you know I was at the Stanley Hotel last week and I couldn't resist sending Sara there. I think it would cure any ailment. I am totally hooked and can't wait to go back. Of course, it is definitely haunted… Sara will fit right in. Take care! Penny


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter Sixty Five:**

They stood there hand in hand as others passed by them. Grissom heard her flight being called and he knew he had to let go of her hand. He would miss this. He kissed her tenderly as he pulled her close to him. He softly whispered "I love you Mrs. Grissom."

She didn't want to go. She wanted to stay in his embrace. He pulled away when the last of the passengers were boarding. He knew it was time for her to leave… again.

"Call me when you get settled. Call me if you need me. Call me…" his voice faltered a little as he looked away.

She saw the torrent of emotions in those deep blue eyes. She knew that it was hurting him to let her go but yet he was doing just that. _Letting go. _He loved her that much. The words danced around in her brain. She remembered what Father Brannigan had said to her and she knew she needed to rely on herself now. She also needed to ask forgiveness for the moments she doubted that she was ever alone.

As a child, she had given much thought to religion and she had concluded that he existed. She now knew more. She knew he protected her. How else could she have survived all those horrors? Yet, she had tried to denounce him. She wanted to punish him because she felt she was being punished. It wasn't punishment. It was life. She knew that now. She knew that he would be there to ensure she endured any other hell that death threw at her. He even sent Grissom. Yes, he was definitely sent from heaven.

When he couldn't hold her, Grissom did. When she felt alone, Grissom was there. He had always been there just as Grissom. She smiled as she waved goodbye… no it was not a goodbye, it was just a sabbatical.

She ran back and kissed him then. It was a sensual kiss. The last call was made and Sara slowly walked away. She started down the boardwalk but had to stop. She looked over her shoulder and he smiled at her. It was one of those smiles from the past; one of his heart stopping smiles that always gave her hope of a future with him. She was taking that smile with her now into the future and for once she felt it was going to be good.

Grissom watched the plane take off. He had used his ID in order to stay with her to watch her leave. He suddenly felt a little better knowing that they were going to be okay. He felt that she seemed better. Her ghosts were not in control today. He knew that it was going to be difficult for her but taking a week for her made it easier for him to let her go. _Rest. She needs rest. _

He headed to the office. He was going to put himself into work mode. It was the best for everyone. He knew that he had frightened the others when he had practically fallen apart right in front of their eyes. He needed to work. He needed to get his mind off her departure. He decided that their relationship was best left between the two of them. Besides he couldn't bring himself to talk about them with the others.

There was so much he needed to work through himself and he didn't need them to worry or worse give advice. No, he decided he would rely on the same person Sara was now relying on and he felt good about that. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the rosary beads that belonged to his mother. He had given Sara the other set. It was another way of having a connection to her. He remembered their conversation in the hotel room.

He had placed the rosary beads in her hand and kissed both palms. "Something tangible you can hold when you need us." She didn't miss the "us" and smiled. He returned her smile. "Don't forget, one word and I can be there, any time, any place."

"I won't," she smiled. She touched his face and ran her fingers through his hair. She would miss this intimacy between them. "I found the letter you wrote to me when you were on sabbatical."

"I know," he smiled. "I hoped you would."

"Why didn't you mail it?"

"Because I knew I had hurt you by leaving. I didn't think I deserved your love."

"I don't think I deserve your love," she whispered.

"We deserve each other," he smiled.

They had survived what most couples could not. They were survivors in life. He knew that Sara was feeling better now about that very fact. Death did not have as strong a hold on her as it thought. This was good.

He sat there in his office and wondered what she was doing. She should have landed long ago but he wasn't keeping tabs on her. He was just missing her. He thought of the gestures that were made today. The others had reached out but he did not. He couldn't. He had to rely on himself. He was going to be like Sara.

Brass had questioned him about Sara. He tried to be subtle but Brass was just not that way. He knew he was fishing around to see how he was handling things and he did the best he could. It was always Brass who could read his true feelings and he intended to keep a distance from him. He knew that Brass was hurting as well. He loved Sara. It was partly because of his love for her that Grissom could not bring himself to confide in him as much.

It pained Sara that she had hurt the ones she had called family. Sara would have to do the one thing she never could before and that was to put her self first. He had hurried away from Brass and probably caused the poor man to worry but he did what he could to get through the day.

Nick had come by and offered breakfast without conversation. Grissom knew he loved Sara too. Grissom was relieved that Nick did not see him as the person who had driven Sara away. In some ways, Nick reminded Grissom of Sara. He was willing to forgive and was always there to give of himself without thinking of the consequences.

He knew that some day he would need to sit and chat with Nick about that flaw in his character. He saw that Nick might lose himself in the job as well. Perhaps the CSI manual should be changed to state that those persons with a soulful heart should not apply for that person even though they would excel in the profession would surely have death hounding them.

Nick had faced death and like Sara had beaten it. He too was a survivor. He wondered if Nick had those same doubts or feelings as Sara. Of course, Nick had a better childhood than Sara. Grissom hoped that it would make a difference for Nick.

Catherine had offered advice. She had told him to go after Sara. If she had never called him, perhaps he would have done just that. He couldn't bear the thought of the way she left. He had said it simply to Catherine. He just wanted Sara to be happy. He meant it. If she was happier away then he would have to live with that. His inner voice told him she was happiest in his arms and he clung to that little voice like it was his lifeline.

At the end of the shift, he had found himself playing a game with Hodges. He knew that Sara would have found that absolutely absurd but he somehow identified with Hodges. Here was a man that kept himself at a distance from others but hungered for companionship. He tried to hide his feelings but Grissom knew better.

You see, Grissom had spent years perfecting the art of isolation. Hodges was a mere amateur. He knew that Hodges liked Wendy. He also knew that he would play the same cat and mouse game with Wendy that he had played with Sara.

Hodges even tried to give him some subtle advice. Grissom knew that it had been hard for Hodges to reach out to him and for a moment he thought he would give Hodges his own advice. _Just grab her and kiss her. Tell her you love her and throw yourself at the mercy of her feet. Don't waste another moment. Don't ever let her go…_

He decided he would keep silent. Perhaps Hodges needed to find his way on his own. He wasn't sure. He just knew he had to go home now.

On the drive, he thought about Greg. He passed him in the hallway and was startled by Greg's reaction. Greg was hurting. He was hurting more than the others. He blamed Grissom for Sara's departure. He knew that the young man had worshipped Sara. He idolized her. He also knew that it hurt Greg to see Sara in so much pain.

Perhaps he needed to let Greg know that Sara was getting better. He wondered how Bruno was. He didn't have the heart to tell Sara that he had let Greg take the dog for awhile. He knew he would miss Bruno. He also knew that to see the dog, he would miss Sara even more. _Some family person I'm turning out to be. _

Grissom opened the door and heard nothing but silence. He wanted to close the door and go back to the lab but he had already been there for the last two shifts. He had decided that pulling doubles would help him to get his mind off of home. He chuckled to himself. _What an idiot. _He could be surrounded by people but yet he would always be wondering where his life was… yes she was in Colorado and why hadn't she called?


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter Sixty Six:**

The flight had taken a lot out of Sara. She had fallen asleep in the limo on its way from the Denver airport to the hotel. She had felt a slight nudge and had awakened to find the driver standing with the door slightly ajar. She was a bit embarrassed but the nap had made her feel refreshed. She checked into the hotel and spent the next hour unpacking.

She was given a room on the third floor of the Manor House which was a separate building from the main hotel. It was a small but warm room. There was plenty of closet space and she placed the remaining contents into the closet and shut the door. She stretched out on the bed intending to call Grissom but she found herself sleeping.

It was several hours later when she woke. She was famished and decided it would be best to call room service or go to the main hall where she had been told there was a restaurant. She opted for the restaurant. It was a brisk day so she grabbed her jacket and headed downstairs. She sat in the restaurant and ate her meal. She was relieved the nausea had not returned. _It was just nerves Sara._

She grabbed a book from the gift shop and sat down in one of the huge leather chairs by the fireplace. She began to read about the history of the hotel. She glanced at her watch and thought Grissom would be asleep by now but she had told him she would call and already she knew the call was overdue. She pulled out her phone and dialed.

It was good to hear his voice. It was soft and gentle and it felt much warmer than the fire in the fireplace. She leaned back and closed her eyes as she listened to his voice. She could see him as if he were sitting next to her.

"Hey."

"How was the flight?" _Why didn't you call sooner?_

"It was fine." _Really, I'm fine._

Sara talked about the embarrassing moment in the limo followed by the nap in her room. He sounded relieved to hear that she was getting the much needed rest. He was even more surprised that the nausea was now gone and she had been able to eat a nice meal in the restaurant.

"So, what are your plans now?" asked Grissom as he searched through the kitchen fridge for something to eat.

"I'm sitting here in a big leather chair by the fireplace. I picked up a book from the gift shop." He smiled at the picture in his mind. _This is good._

"Tell me how you feel?" he whispered.

"I feel rested. I've done nothing but sleep lately. I guess I'm catching up finally."

"Sleep. Sleep all day and all night. Pamper yourself. You deserve it Sara."

"I miss you," she whispered.

"I miss you too but you need this," he said as he decided on the tofu lasagna Sara had left.

The conversation was switched to him. She inquired about his sleeping, his eating habits, his work schedule and then Bruno.

"Bruno is fine. I'm sure he misses you too. He has been playing a lot with Greg." _Not really a lie. _

They continued to chat until Sara was sure that her phone was going to go dead. He finished the lasagna and stretched out on the couch. It was good to hear her voice. He closed his eyes as he listened to her talk about the hotel. She could have recited the ABCs and it would have been the most interesting subject. He missed her. He worshiped her. Yes, Greg was right to worship her.

She looked at her watch and knew that he needed to sleep.

"Night, Gil," she whispered.

"Night Sara," he returned.

She sat in the chair and stared at the flames in the fireplace. She finished the book and decided on taking a tour of the hotel. She met a sweet elderly man named Dennis who gave her a private tour of the hotel. She listened to the history as well as the ghost stories.

She knew a lot about ghosts. It didn't scare her in the least. In fact, she welcomed the ghosts. Perhaps her own ghosts would prefer to stay there when she left in a couple of days. She smirked at the thought. All in all it was a good day.

She walked the grounds and then made her way into town where she went through all of the small shops. She found a great pizza place called Chicago's Best and finished off two slices before realizing she had just eaten a second lunch for the day.

She made her way back to the hotel and sat outside in the rocking chairs looking at the beautiful mountains covered with snow. It was peaceful here. The inner voices were even quiet. She returned to the leather chair and plopped back down near the fireplace. She had done a lot of walking and thinking. She felt good. Hell, she felt great. Then the nausea hit.

She ran to the guest bathroom in the main hall. She frowned as she lost the pizza. _Okay, I'm pushing it. Pizza is a bit harsh on the stomach after a stomach virus. I should know better. _

For dinner, she opted for something bland. The food was delicious and she returned to her room early to get some rest. She crawled into bed and closed her eyes. Sara awoke the next morning to find she had slept for ten hours. She jumped out of bed and grabbed her phone. She tried to call him but her phone was dead. She plugged it in and picked up the phone in the room. A few minutes later, she heard his voice.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

"I just woke up," she yawned. "I must have slept for ten or more hours. It must be the altitude."

"It could be you're just tired."

He avoided the conversation of his sleep. He had not slept well. He couldn't bring himself to sleep in their bed and therefore remained on the couch. He managed to get a couple of hours sleep before getting up to read from her favorite book. He had then fallen back asleep with it on his chest. The night had been rather quiet with only one 419. He let the others handle it while he stayed in the office. The body had been found in the desert and he had no desire to venture out there.

He knew that she was better. He could hear it in her voice. It made him happy.

"How was dinner?" he asked

"Good."

"No sickness?" he asked.

"Dinner was delicious," she said. _It really wasn't a lie._

They chatted as he sat in his office. He couldn't tell her that he planned to work another double. He was getting used to the sixteen hour days again. He saw the gang walking toward his office. He knew they would be asking him out for breakfast. Perhaps he should say yes this time. When Nick poked his head in the door, he opted to remain.

He wanted her to himself. He didn't feel like sharing her with anyone right now. They chatted until the lab requested his presence. He looked around to see if anyone was watching before he blew her a kiss. He could hear Sara chuckling on the other end. It was a wonderful sound. _That's my Sara!_

The days rolled by and Sara knew that she would be leaving soon. She had checked her flight arrangements for San Francisco. From there she would rent a car and drive to the last known address Grissom had managed to locate on her mother.

She was going to miss the Stanley. She had felt rejuvenated. The past several days had been spent thinking about her past, her present and her future. There was lots of sleep, rest and relaxation. They had done several sessions by phone. They talked about hurt.

It was one subject that she had insisted they do. Grissom had been reluctant. He felt it should have been done face to face. She on the other hand, didn't think she could have sat and looked into his eyes knowing that the hurt he was describing was a direct result of her.

She had caused him so much pain this past year. He on the other hand, blamed himself for so much of the hurt she carried. He felt that it was his fault for Natalie. _When is he ever going to stop blaming himself for that?_ He blamed himself for the loss of the baby. They both carried that guilt. He felt he wanted the baby too much and caused her to feel even guiltier when they lost it. She didn't seem to feel that way. She just felt inadequate.

Then there were the departures. She knew that she should have handled it better and told him she needed to get away. He knew that he should have prepared her for his sabbatical. They each forgave one another. Hurt was a funny thing. It could be brief or last forever. They chose to let it go.

He worried about her next trip. It was going to be difficult for her. He wondered if she was ready. It had only been a week but yet she did sound better. He got his answer when she called him frantically on the phone the next day. She needed him to come immediately. Grissom panicked.

Note from Author:  
Yeah, I know another cliff hanger. Let me hear those reviews. (No tomatoes- perhaps virtual chocolate would be nice!) Take care! Penny


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter Sixty Seven:**

It was the fifth time he checked his watch. He had gotten a late flight out. He called Catherine and told her he needed some time off. He gave no other information and by the tone in his voice Catherine didn't pry. He rented a car and was now getting closer to the Stanley.

The sky was dark with snow clouds and he tried to estimate the remaining distance. He had tried to call her cell phone several times but he only got her voice mail. He left another message and it worried him that she was not returning his calls. He also left a message at the front desk but he wasn't sure she had received it. He was relieved when the hotel came into view. Sara was right. It was beautiful.

He parked the car outside the Manor House and hurried up the stairs. He made his way up to room 1306 and gently knocked on the door but there was no answer. He swore under his breath. He then remembered the leather chairs and made his way over to the main part of the hotel.

There she sat with her legs drawn up sitting comfortably in the chair. She was asleep. He sat down on the edge of the table and debated whether to wake her. He wondered what had caused her to send for him. He couldn't wait any longer. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

Brown eyes met blue eyes. She pulled him into an embrace as he felt her tears coming and he knew she would not want to break down in public so he continued to hold her until she was able to compose herself.

They walked quietly back to her room. When the door shut, the tears came forth again. This time they were racking sobs. He had no idea what had happened. He only knew that this time she had reached out for him.

He waited for the tears to slow before sitting her on the bed and pulling up the chair from the desk. Before he could speak, she pulled the pregnancy test out of her jacket pocket and placed it in his hand. _Positive. Oh Godl! It's positive._

He saw the fear in her eyes and he knew that his mirrored the same emotion. He took her in his arms and held her tight. _It wasn't a stomach virus. She's pregnant._

"Sara, we can't be sure this will turn out the same as…" She stopped him. She grabbed her jacket and pulled him up.

"I was waiting for you. We need an ultrasound."

They drove in silence. Sara stared out the window while Grissom held her hand. Every now and then he would lift her hand and kiss her palm. She would turn and smile. She closed her eyes and prayed. They both did.

Grissom paced while Sara sat in the waiting room. She kept her distance from the others who appeared to be sick. She protectively wrapped her coat around her and fidgeted in the seat whenever there was a cough or a sniffle. The waiting was unbearable. She finally got up and walked down the hall. Grissom turned and she was gone.

He found her near the coffee machine. He handed her some change but she declined.

"I don't think caffeine is good for the baby," she whispered. She saw his look.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay." He tried to smile but pulled her into an embrace before she saw his fear resurfacing. _I'm not sure I can go through this again. I'm not sure you can. _

They heard their name being called and they followed the nurse. Grissom held her hand as the technician began the ultrasound. They had never gotten this far. _Perhaps, Sara is right. _

They held their breath as the technician searched for the baby. He stopped and marked several areas and recorded the measurements. He glanced at them and smiled.

"I'm not supposed to say anything, but this looks like a normal pregnancy to me. You see right there?" he pointed to the small area. "That's your baby. Now listen."

Grissom and Sara smiled as they heard the fetal heartbeat. Yes, this time it was going to be okay. They waited for the final results. Sara was pregnant. It was a normal pregnancy. There were still precautions. Sara was anemic and was given prenatal vitamins as well extra iron. There was concern for her blood pressure and she was given the lecture regarding stress and blood pressure. She was also given the regular regimen of pamphlets on pregnancy in older women. Grissom smirked but Sara took it all in stride. She didn't care what they called her. She was pregnant and she was happy.

Despite the excitement, Sara was asleep by the time Grissom returned to the Stanley. He gently woke her and they hurried to her room. The sky was dark grey and the snow had begun to fall. She crawled into bed while Grissom brought in his suitcase.

They spent the rest of the evening in bed. Room service was delivered and they ate. The nausea returned but Sara welcomed it He held her that night. He loved her that night. They became a family that night.

"What made you take the test?" he asked while they ate breakfast.

"The nausea, the dizzy spells, and the second month without a…" She noticed Grissom had stopped eating and was looking at her annoyed. She then realized she had not mentioned the dizzy spells.

"It only happened once or twice." He didn't look convinced but resumed eating.

She waited for the right moment but there didn't seem to be one. "My flight leaves this afternoon."

He glared at her. He started to open his mouth but stopped. He continued to eat in silence. When she had finished, he decided it was time for a talk.

"I think we need to talk." _Okay, here we go. _

"Talk."

"Do you think you should be traveling right now?" He asked.

She had spent several hours lying there thinking about that very thing. She didn't want to push herself.

"No."

His head shot up immediately. _This is too easy. Maybe something is wrong…_

"Good. We agree."

"I wanted to rest a few more days. I think I need more time. The dizzy spells were a sign that I'm not ready."

"Glad we agree again." He still looked a bit puzzled.

"Gil, I'm not hiding anything from you. I'm fine….you really don't believe me when I say those words, do you?"

"Experience tells me not to."

She grinned. He knew her too well.

"I won't keep anything from you, not where the baby is concerned. I am okay…tired but okay."

"Then rest. Sleep. Read a book in the leather chairs by the fireplace but rest."

"How were you able to get away?"

"I left. You are the most important thing. Nothing else."

Sara smiled and kissed him warmly. He loved her sensual kisses. She had given him one that right in front of Hodges and he had wanted to devour her but instead he let her go. He didn't this time. He grabbed her and returned the kiss which was followed by the pulling of the clothes and then of course, there were the sheets and they were in bliss again.

He looked out the window and watched the snow fall. Snow was not something they got in Las Vegas. He turned to see her looking at it also.

"You haven't asked about the others," he whispered.

"I don't want to know how much I've hurt them."

"They're fine… except Greg. He's mad…not at you but me. He thinks I chased you away or at least that's what I think."

"That's absurd. You didn't chase me away. I would have left a long time ago if you were not there to ground me from flying away. I don't think I would have gotten through this past year had it not been for you."

He kissed her lightly on the forehead. It was good to be reminded of that. He needed to hear those words. At times, when he'd come home to the empty townhouse, he wondered if he could have done anything different that would have prevented her from leaving. He knew better now. She needed to get away.

Note from Author:

Well, I finally cleared away all those tomatoes and thought I had better get this out for the hit men arrived. I hoped you liked a fluffier chapter. I know we all needed this now so lavish in it. Another chapter soon to follow but I just haven't proof read it yet. Take care!

Penny


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter Sixty Eight:**

The flights were rescheduled. Grissom checked in with the office. Little was asked and little was given. Catherine surmised it had something to do with Sara but when Grissom did not offer any information she thought that perhaps he just needed to get away.

They got up each morning to sit in the huge rocking chairs in the front of the hotel and drank hot cocoa while the elk roamed in the front pasture. Sara dragged Grissom through the historical and ghost tour given by Dennis.

They also dined in the restaurant and were surprised when there were congratulatory pats on the back. It appeared somehow the staff had learned of the pregnancy and of course that kind of information was always welcomed at the hotel.

Grissom wondered if anyone thought about their age but then again with the amount of snowball fights displayed in the front courtyard by Sara and Grissom, they appeared to be the spryest of the guests. The children who stayed there were quick to seek out Grissom in hopes of another chance to play in the snow. Grissom would always go with them telling Sara he needed the practice. The truth be told, Sara just thought that he was a kid at heart.

Grissom enjoyed the time he spent with Sara. They took long walks in the Estes Park and there were more snowballs thrown. There were naps every day. Grissom would sit and read a book while Sara slept. He was surprised that she slept so much.

Their evenings were spent by the fireplace. Grissom would sit with Sara in his lap as the children would huddle around to listen to Grissom tell a story. Sara was amazed that he could quote something more than just Shakespeare.

The hotel staff enjoyed the Grissoms. They felt as though F.O and Flora Stanley had returned to the hotel. The Stanley couple was often seen playing with children. Although they never had children of their own, they loved to entertain the guest and staff children. Happiness had returned to the Stanley.

Grissom saw the happiness in Sara and he was pleased. She no longer had the dark circles under her eyes and even the morning sickness was not as often. He had been reluctant to let her participate in the snowball fights at first.

She protested by joining the other side and after being slaughtered, he decided it was better to have her as an ally. The two made a formidable team and most days the children were not able to overtake the fort that the Grissoms had managed to create.

He knew that their time was coming to an end and he wanted to make sure that Sara was fully prepared to meet with Laura Sidle. He did not know what she was going to find and he didn't like the idea that she still planned to go. He intended to keep his promise but he didn't have to like it. He waited until he felt she was ready to bring up the past. As they lay in bed one night, he brought up the subject.

"Sara, your mother killed your father. She was sentenced to fifteen years in prison but only served half of that time. She's never contacted you nor tried to be a part of your life. I know that must hurt. I know that when you talk with her there's going to be all of these memories from the past that are going to come out. Do you want to talk about it with me before you face her?"

Sara closed her eyes. The story was not new for Grissom. She had told it before. That was the day she had broken down and confessed how she felt about him. She had been ready to flee then but he had opened up and let her into his heart. She remembered that more than the hurtful memories she had relived that day.

"I don't hate her, Gil. I think I've forgiven her. It was difficult growing up in the foster system and I was glad when I accepted into college. I never really felt like I had a home until you."

She rested her head on her arm as she felt him caressing her abdomen. She closed her eyes and fought back the sensations of his touch. He realized he was distracting her so he held her hand instead.

"Sara, I can…," he stopped. _I can go with you._ He knew not to ask. She needed to do this on her own. He also knew that if she needed him, she would call. She had proven that.

She looked at him and yawned. She didn't want to rehash the past now. She only wanted to sleep. He could tell she was tired so he didn't push. He had offered and she had tried.

"I'm going to miss this," he whispered.

"Me too," she said as she closed her eyes. He grinned as she fell asleep. He turned out the light and held her. The dream came that night. It came much as it had done when Sara was young.

She was sitting on the front steps of the Inn reading a book when she heard the scream. The scream did not frighten Sara. There were always screams at their house. Normally Sara would hold her hands over her ears until the screaming stopped but this time it was different.

There was another sound that floated in the air. It traveled with the scream. It was different. She didn't know what to make of the odd sound. She initially tried to ignore it but something pulled her inside. Perhaps it was her curiosity or perhaps it was the feeling she felt in the air. An oppressive feeling filled the air and she ran to find her mother.

She stopped when she saw her father lying on the floor gasping for breath while her mother stood over his body with the bloody knife. Her mother continued to scream as Sara knelt down beside her father. He was whispering something but Sara could not make out the words.

"I don't understand," Sara said. She knelt down beside his body and placed her head near his.

The whisper was a slow gurgle but Sara could make out the words, "you're going to be just like her," he said.

"I don't understand daddy," was all that Sara said. She had understood the words but she didn't understand the meaning. She wanted to ask him again but then she risked his anger. He didn't like questions especially from children.

The gurgling sound stopped but his eyes remained fixed on Sara. Sara stared into those cold green eyes. She couldn't break free of his gaze. She then realized she was looking at a lifeless body. He was dead. Her father was dead. Yet, there was no emotion from Sara. She waited for him to jump up and begin his tirade but it didn't come this time.

She watched as the dark crimson liquid oozed across the floor. It was warm and sticky. She tried to wipe it off but she only managed to wipe it onto her blouse. She sat there and watched as it engulfed her.

She felt herself being lifted then. Her mother had grabbed her and they were running. They fell down the front steps and Sara landed onto the concrete sidewalk. Her mother sat there sobbing. Sara stood up and stared at her mother. She didn't know why she was sobbing. The man was dead. There would be no more yelling or screaming, no more beatings or late night trips to the emergency room.

Sara walked over to the front steps and picked up her book. She sat there quietly and began reading again. There were no more screams to interrupt her. She finished the book while the police arrived and then the coroner. Her mother sat in the police car while Sara sat on the front porch swing.

A police officer had picked her up and surveyed her body but found only minor scratches. He placed her in the swing out of the way until social services could arrive. Sara watched as they taped off the house and someone came to investigate. She was fascinated how the man took his time reviewing the floor where her father's body had been.

He collected some of the blood as well as the knife and then began asking questions of everyone there. He even asked her questions. They weren't really hard questions but rather simple. Sara was a little disappointed. She liked difficult questions.

She answered the questions immediately and gave the man a smile. He was a nice man. He didn't even mind when she asked a few of her own. She knew to be respectful and do what adults told her to do. It had been the only way to survive in her home. She had learned the lesson well. What she didn't learn was how to grieve.

The man told her she could grieve but she thought it was rather silly to grieve for a man that had treated them so badly. She didn't want to grieve. She just wanted to go up to her room and get another book. It was time for another book.

She remembered the word "shock" was used to describe her behavior but Sara didn't understand the diagnosis. She wanted to go to her room but they wouldn't let her. She had asked twice but was given the same answer. She decided to not ask again for fear that she would be beaten.

It was not often that she could get away with such blatant disregard for authority. She hoped that her father did not find out but then the thought made her smile. He was dead. She smiled again. Death was good.

Sara sat up in bed with a start. She felt warm hands on her body. She wondered why she was breathing so hard. She heard the light switch click on and it was then that she found herself staring into green eyes. She closed her eyes. She didn't want to see those eyes. She hated those eyes but the voice did not match the eyes. This voice was soothing and her heart slowed. When she felt him caress her cheek, she opened her eyes to see blue. _Grissom_

She blurted it all out. She called it a dream. _It was just a dream_. Grissom tried to correct her by saying it was a nightmare but Sara didn't think so. She felt it was just a dream about a memory. She didn't even seem frightened. Her pulse was no longer racing and there was this odd sense of forgetfulness but all in all Sara had experienced much worst so therefore it was just a dream.

He made her retell the dream. She described it in vivid detail and she was happy to do so. It was a simple request, nothing difficult. He didn't know what to think of her lack of emotion. She had just relived the death of her father and he did not see any sign of grief.

She had cried before. He had held her. She had fallen apart and he had been there to witness it. It didn't make sense. _Perhaps she's keeping it all in so as not to get upset because of the pregnancy. That's not good. _

"Why didn't you cry?" he asked.

"I was glad he was dead."

"You can't mean that," he said as he reached for her hand. She pulled away and sat up in the bed.

"Sara, he was your father."

"I'm going to be just like her," she said matter of fact.

Grissom looked confused. "Are you comparing yourself to your mother?"

"He told me that. It was the last thing he said. He didn't tell me he loved me or yell or ask for help. He told me I was going to be just like her."

"Are you?" he asked.

"I don't know. I don't remember her. I remember the fights, the beatings, the every day survival skills but I don't remember her."

"Do you remember him?"

"I remember hiding in the closet when he came home drinking. I remember the bruises and the cuts. I remember the beatings when I forgot what he told me to say and he…" She didn't finish.

There was something there. Somewhere in the back of her mind but it was far away. She had stored it away …too far to be reached quickly. She didn't know what it was only that it was there. He watched as she tried to remember but she stopped herself.

"Sara, did he just hurt you physically?" Grissom held his breath. To think that she had been sexually abused by her own father horrified him but he had to ask. He had to know what she was going to find or remember in San. Francisco.

"The physical and emotional abuse was enough," she whispered. He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Are there any happy memories?" he asked.

She tried to recall but she had never been able to before. She didn't want to talk about it anymore. She scooted back down into the bed and sought refuge in his arms. He gave it. He wanted to ask more but wasn't sure if he should push.

"Sara, you've cried before. I remember. Why didn't you cry when you were a child? You just witnessed the death of your father and yet you didn't cry. Even now…," he was interrupted.

"I wasn't allowed to cry. It wasn't permitted. To cry was to show weakness and momma told me to never cry. I didn't."

"Didn't you want to cry when he died?"

"No…" she hesitated when she replied as if she needed to say something. There was something she needed to say if only she could remember it. She searched the recesses of her brain to locate that missing piece. She knew it was there. She needed to retrieve it.

It wasn't anything horrible. If it was, she would have found it by now. The horrible things always came out in her nightmares. Yes, this was only a dream, nothing horrible happened and therefore she was correct and Grissom was wrong.

"He probably loved you," Grissom said.

"NO! he didn't," she yelled.

"He could have," Grissom said.

"Stop saying that!"

"Why does it bother you?" He asked

"Because he didn't. He yelled at me. He beat me. He hurt me. He …"

"He what Sara?"

"He …" There it was again. It was like a small door inside her mind opening to shed the tiniest bit of light onto the memory but always shutting before she could peek inside. It was bothering her now. _Why can't I remember? This is silly. I remember every detail but there is something he did, something I need to remember. What am I not remembering?_

It was frustrating. She didn't even notice how her breathing had changed. Her pulse was now racing again. She had no idea why but she felt as though she had just run a mile. She looked at Grissom and she saw the worry in his eyes.

"I'm fine… look if I knew what it was I would tell you but I don't remember."

She crawled out of bed and began looking for her clothes.

"Sara, where are you going?"

"I need some hot cocoa. The coffee shop is still open. I'll just run down there and get us two cups."

Grissom was pulling her back into the bed. "It's freezing out there and slippery. You don't need to go out there."

"Gil, I really need a fix so if you're not going to let me go then we'll go together."

Grissom saw the determination in her eye. They dressed and headed outside to make the short trek to the coffee shop. With cup in hand they decided to sit by the fire for awhile before walking back out into the cold. Grissom sat in the leather chair while Sara plopped down in the floor and leaned up against the chair. The fire felt good.

She sipped on the cocoa and stared into the fireplace. She smiled as Grissom began to quote Shakespeare. It was her favorite verse. It was the same one he had written in the letter he had never mailed. She closed her eyes and listened to his melodious voice.

She knew that it was late and they needed to get to bed. She stood up and together they went out into the bitter wind. As they were walking to the Manor House, Sara stopped. He tried to get her to move forward but she wouldn't budge.

"Sara?"

She didn't reply. He whirled around to face her but it was dark and he could not make out her expression.

"Sara?" he tried again.

"Do you think I'm going to be a good mother?" she whispered.

"Of course I do. Let's get inside. It's cold out here," he pulled her into the building and they began walking up the stairs. _Like mother like daughter. You're going to be just like her. _ The ghosts were active tonight.

**Reviews I need them these days. It's the only thing that makes me stay up late and post so leave them!**

Note:

Sorry for not posting sooner. You know when you get attacked from all sides and you don't know which way is up? Well, that has been me for the last day or so. Good news! Some GSR fans cornered David Rambo, one of the writers for CSI and he said that Sara could be walking into the lab any day… Go to you tube and check it out. There are two interviews with him. I know there are a lot of variables such as the writer strike and of course Jorja just needs some time off so perhaps if the strike drags out for six months then she might be ready for a cameo appearance. Say, she returns and then they can end the season with her and Grissom in the delivery room. Okay, okay, if not, we will have our own. LOL Take care! Penny

P.S. I knew there was some fluff but I was surprised when I proofread this that there wasn't as much as I remembered! I guess we're back to angst folks!


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter Sixty Nine: **

Sara tossed for the third time in an hour. She had been asleep for the past two hours but sleep did not come to Grissom as quickly. He was worried. He didn't know if he really should be or if he was just being overly protective now. He had Sara and a baby to worry about. _A baby. _He smiled.

He knew a lot could happen between now and seven months but at this moment Sara was pregnant, the pregnancy was normal and they were a family. He was content to live in the present. He rolled over to place his hand on her waist and followed her into asleep. Sara was far ahead of him. She was already dreaming.

"Sara, you have to listen to me. You must remember what I'm going to tell you. Word for word. Okay?"

"Yes, momma." Sara knew this game. They played it a lot. It was usually daddy that would tell the story and she would have to recite it word for word. Sara learned memorization was an important key to survival in the Sidle home. She could recite long verses before she was even preschool age.

If she did well, she would be rewarded with a new book. If she didn't, well that was just not acceptable. It was strange for her mother to be telling her the story now but she would play along. Usually her mother would just tell to show no emotion. She had learned that well also. At least until she met Grissom.

"Now remember, Sara," came the voice again.

"Yes, momma," said Sara.

Sara was back on the front porch again. The screams had begun like last time along with the strange sound. She turned her head as she saw a slim figure running down the road. She wondered why she hadn't remembered that before. As she sat there, she knew it was time for her to go into the house and the whole thing would play itself out again.

Perhaps she could ask him what he meant by his last words. It would be nice to know. He had used his last breath to tell her. It must have been very important that she know. Besides, he could have asked her to call an ambulance. He could have asked her to stop the bleeding. He could have told her he…

Sara jumped up and ran inside. There was the same scene. She would later learn the words "crime scene." There he lay bleeding to death. There was her mother standing over him. She watched as her mother picked up the knife and began to wipe the blood away with her apron. _Wait! This isn't the way it happened…_

Sara's eyes flew open and she began shaking Grissom. He sat up with a start, clicking on the light switch.

"Sara, are you okay?"

"I'm fine…I remember something." Her eyes were bright as if she was seeing something for the very first time. She used to get that look years ago when she would be working a case. It was the "Aha" look that Grissom grew to love. It was usually followed by one of her grins that turned into a smile.

He waited until they were both accustomed to the light before prompting her to talk.

"We used to tell stories," she announced. Grissom wasn't sure that should count as an "aha" declaration. She saw the look he gave her and she rolled her eyes.

"My father used to make us remember his version of what happened so that no one knew our dirty little secrets. We had to explain the injuries. Once we had rehearsed and knew what to say then we could go about business as usual. We did that a lot. We had to in order to cover up the madness. Of course, we thought everyone lived that way or at least I did. My father was always the one to tell the story but it was my mother who told the last one. She told me what to say before anyone arrived the day my father died."

"What really happened?" he whispered.

"I'm not sure but I know that what I told was not the truth. I had another dream. I remember seeing Billy running down by the side of the house right before I went inside. He was supposed to have come home a long time ago and I knew that daddy was going to be angry. Mother had let him go to the movies with a friend even though dad had said no. He and mother both were in a lot of trouble and well that meant we were all going to pay for it."

"Sara, who's Billy?"

"My…brother," she said slowly.

"So…it was the four of you?" he asked.

"Yeah…it was."

"Do you remember anything else?"

"I remember the knife was on the floor and my mother was wiping it off with her apron."

There was nothing more to tell. The door had opened and closed in her mind and she was fine with it. She knew that she would remember in time. She was in no hurry. She turned to look at Grissom. She smiled. Her smile bothered him. She reached over and placed her hand on his cheek and kissed him fully on the lips.

"Don't worry so much," she said as she deepened her kiss. He pulled her closer to him and switched off the light. His hands roamed her body as he heard her giggle.

"That's not the response I was looking for," he said as he began to kiss her neck.

"I take it you don't want to go back to sleep," she said as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Sleep can wait. Love me Sara."

"Always!" And she did.

The dreams didn't come anymore or if they did Sara did not tell him. They sat in the airport watching passengers rush to their destination. Her flight would be leaving first. He held her hand as he fidgeted in his seat. He didn't want to let her go. He didn't like the prospect of returning to Vegas alone but she needed to continue on her journey and he felt that she was much stronger now.

"Call me when you get settled. Okay?" he said.

She nodded. She could tell that he was having a hard time with this. He had dropped everything and come when she needed him. She knew that she could handle anything with him by her side. She also knew he needed to get back. It had almost been a week and they had already been shorthanded because of her departure.

She thought about calling the others but then she wanted to get this past her. She knew there would be questions and she had very few answers. He stood up when they called her flight. She gave him a long sensual kiss, the kind that he said made him weak in the knees. She grinned when she saw his expression.

"Take care of yourself," she said.

"Sara?" He didn't know what to say. _Be careful, take care of our family. Call me if you need me. Call me and I'll come immediately. Don't be frightened when the dreams come. Don't let her upset you. Don't…forget I need you the most._

"I know," she whispered. "I love you too." She grabbed her carry on and boarded the plane. She was gone again. He was alone again. This time she was taking their family with her and it felt much worse. He hoped that she was prepared for what she would find. He headed to his gate. Soon, he would be back in Vegas.


	70. Chapter 70

**Chapter Seventy:**

It had not even been twenty four hours yet and he missed her. He glanced at his watch and tried to concentrate on the paperwork in front of him. _Why did I come in as soon as the plane landed? I should have gone home. _

He knew the answer to that question. His home was now in San Francisco and she would be calling soon. She should be calling any time now. He checked his phone to make sure it was charged. He pulled out the picture of their baby and looked at it. _They should have come home. I can't control what happens in San Francisco. _

He rubbed his forehead and threw the paperwork down on the desk and got up. It would wait. He decided it would be best to keep himself active. _Where's a body when you need it?_

Grissom felt horrible the moment the thought sprang forth. He just needed to keep busy. Catherine had all but strong armed him out of the last call. He didn't need her meddling. He didn't need any of them walking around the lab trying to comfort him. He just didn't need them. He needed Sara.

"Hey Griss, how about joining us for dinner later? We're going to order pizza or hey we can go to the diner if you like?" called Nick. Grissom declined.

Nick stood there as he watched Grissom pass by him without making any eye contact. Warrick looked at Nick.

"Did he say anything to Catherine as to where he's been?" whispered Nick.

"Nothing," replied Warrick. "The man is more secretive now than he ever was. I'm afraid with Sara gone; we have the old Grissom back."

"Well, that's not healthy. We're gonna have to do something about it," said Nick.

"Yeah? Well, I like this Grissom better than the Grissom we saw the night she left. The man was about to fall apart. Right now, he's just in work mode all the time. It might be good for him to stay like this until he knows what Sara is going to do," said Warrick.

"What do you mean by 'what Sara is going to do'? Sara's coming back. She would never leave Grissom for good. She just needs some time to herself. Grissom even told Brass that she was going to visit her mother in San Francisco. She's coming back," said Nick.

"No, she's not," said Greg as he walked up. "That's why he let me take Bruno. He never really cared for Sara or the dog; if he did he never would have let her go."

"Greg, don't you think your viewpoint is a little twisted when it comes to Sara? You're mad because she didn't tell you she was leaving. You feel betrayed," said Catherine as she walked up. "I don't think we need to be discussing Grissom and Sara in the hallways. The grapevine is full of crap right now. Let's not add to it. Okay?"

The guys nodded but she could see that they needed some information about Sara. She did too. She was worried about Grissom. Hell, she was worried about both of them. "Look, let's just make him go to dinner with us and we'll corner him. Nick, you call Brass and tell him to get his ass over here for dinner. He may be able to hide something from us but Brass can sniff the truth out of Grissom better than a hound dog can pick up a scent."

The guys looked at her.

"Okay, bad analogy but you get the picture. Now get back to work so I can pretend I'm a good supervisor."

"I was following her until she started with that "sniffing" thing," said Greg.

"Word," said Warrick.

"Later," said Nick.

They found him discussing a case with Doc Robbins. Actually, Doc had heard about the plan and called to tell them he would keep Grissom in the morgue until they arrived. It would be easier a more discreet to forcibly remove the man from the building by way of the double doors. They literally grabbed him by his arms and began pulling him out the door. Grissom protested but Doc closed his eyes and claimed, "I see nothing. I know nothing."

Grissom was now in the back of the Denali between Warrick and Nick. Greg was riding shotgun as Catherine drove the getaway. Brass followed in his car in case they needed police back up or worst had to bail them out of jail for kidnapping their boss.

"Guys, I have a lot of paperwork to do and I wasn't plan on going out to eat," said Grissom.

"No problem. Catherine loves paperwork and it's our treat," smiled Nick as he slapped Grissom on the knee.

"Nick, get your hand off of my leg," warned Grissom.

Warrick chuckled. Catherine glared at Nick. _Great! More paperwork!_

They pulled him into the back booth at the diner. They made him sit on the inside so it would be impossible for him to just get up and walk away. Brass sat on the end. He opened his jacket and flashed his gun.

"Don't make me use this," he warned as he saw Grissom trying to get Nick to let him out.

He knew it was pointless to try to get away so he sulked. Orders were given and food was delivered. They stared at Grissom. He knew what they wanted. They wanted information and they were willing to use force to get it.

"How was your time off?" Brass asked.

"It was fine," replied Grissom. He tried to eat but he knew that his phone should be going off any minute.

"How is Sara?" asked Greg. Grissom looked him straight in the eye. He didn't like the tone that came with the question.

"She's fine," replied Grissom. "How's Bruno?" he added with the same reflection in his voice.

"He's fine," shot back Greg.

"Okay kiddos. We have a lot of "fine" going on here but some tidbits of information would be better," said Brass. "Let's get to the point of this abduction, how the hell are you Grissom and how is our Sara?"

"I'm fine and she's mine not yours."

"Like hell she is! She left you! Not us!" glared Greg. Grissom was now staring at the young man face to face. Catherine decided it was not a good idea for the two to be sitting directly across from one another. Greg's words hit a painful nerve and Grissom winced.

Nick wanted to slug Greg while Warrick was preparing to pull Grissom off of Greg at any minute.

"Boys! This is stupid. We're not accomplishing anything other than getting Grissom's blood pressure up," said Catherine as she glared at Greg.

Grissom's phone began to ring and his face turned red. He was caught. The table got quiet as they looked at Grissom. He considered not answering it but he couldn't risk the chance that Sara might need him. He pulled it out and answered.

"Grissom"

"Yeah Hodges, I'll be there in a minute," Catherine grabbed the phone from Grissom.

"Hodges, this is Catherine. Can't this wait? He did, huh. Well, he's changed his mind and he's having dinner with us." Catherine closed the phone.

"Hodges said he would get back with you another time when you wanted to play his game." Grissom slouched. His escape had been foiled. The phone began to ring as Catherine held it. Grissom grabbed for it but then there was several hands reaching for the phone as it flew up into the air and landed in Greg's hand. Greg sneered at Grissom. He looked at the caller ID. It was S. Grissom.

"Sara," announced Greg. Grissom grabbed for it but Greg leaned back.

"Hey Sara! Grissom was just telling us about your week together. So, how did it go?"

"Nice try Greggo. What have you done with my husband? Are you still being shitty to him? Knock it off!" Greg smiled and handed the phone to Grissom.

"She's better!" smiled Greg.

"Why do you say that?" asked Nick.

"Two things, she didn't fall for it and she called me Greggo. She also told me to stop being shitty to Grissom," smiled Greg

Grissom grinned as he took the phone while the others listened intently.

"Hey Sara," said Grissom.

"They're listening. Aren't they?" asked Sara.

"Yes, they are. How are you?"

"We're fine," she said. Her answer made him smile.

"I'm glad to hear that."

"I'm tired. I got a little sick on the plane. I think I better ask for an aisle seat on the way home."

"Rest," he said.

"I plan to. I'm going to soak in the tub." She yawned before continuing, "I've been doing a lot of thinking about the day my father died. I wish I could see the police report."

"Brass could probably get that for you if it still exists. It's been a long time. He's here and I could talk with him later."

"That would be good. I'm tired and I know they have you cornered. Before I go, would you like for me to talk dirty to you and let them see you squirm?"

"I could do the same," he countered.

"You probably would," she laughed.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you,"

Grissom glanced at Greg. The young man smiled. Peace had been made.

"I love you too. I miss Bruno. How is he?"

"Bruno? He's fine," said Grissom.

Greg mouthed to Grissom, "You owe me big time."

"I miss you," she yawned.

"I miss you too. Be safe and get some sleep. Okay?" He asked.

"Promise me, you'll eat and get to bed early tonight. Okay?"

"I promise."

"Say it Gilbert!"

"I promise I'll eat and get to bed early tonight." He announced to the table. Cheers went up and Sara chuckled.

"One last thing, Please?" she begged. He closed his eyes. He would do anything for her.

"All days are nights to see till I see thee, and nights bright days when dreams do show thee me." (Sonnet 43)

The table was silent. They were witnessing love, true love.

"One more?" she asked.

"Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar'

But never doubt I love."

(Hamlet 2.2 123-6)

"Love you Grissom."

"Love you too Mrs. Grissom."

He heard the phone click and she was gone. He looked around the table to see the smiling faces.

"Mission accomplished?" he asked.

"Not quite," said Brass. "Sara is our family too not just yours. Comprende?"

Grissom smiled. "I stand corrected."

Grissom and Greg looked at one another as they began to eat. Each returned a grin followed by a smile.


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter Seventy One:**

Grissom lay on the couch trying to relieve his headache. It had been good to hear her voice. He heard the knock and he was prepared to do battle. It was one thing to get high jacked into dinner but now his home! He swung open the door to find Brass and Doc Robbins standing there.

"I take it, you got the police report for Sara," said Grissom.

Brass held up his hand as the two walked in. Grissom offered drinks. Brass took a beer while Doc opted for bottled water. Grissom grabbed some pills and chugged them down with some water.

"Under the weather, Gil?" asked Doc.

"Headache," he replied as he sat down and began going through the report. "It's amazing they even kept this stuff." He noticed the photos attached to the report. He stared at the picture of the young girl standing on the porch. Her clothes were soaked in blood. _His Sara. _She had been a beautiful girl even in her youth. He noticed that even at a young age, she had the same haunting eyes, the ones that had stolen his heart so long ago.

"A guy who worked the case retired a couple of years ago and as a hobby kept all the murder files he worked on. He was planning on writing a book someday," said Brass.

Grissom looked at Brass. "How did you manage to get this so quickly?"

Brass took a swig of beer, "I asked for it a long time ago when Sara confided in me about her nightmares. I've been waiting for the right time to talk with her about it."

Doc Robbins reached over and pulled the pictures out for Grissom to see. "Gil, I don't think his death happened the way they said it did. It appears Mr. Sidle was stabbed in the back but that's not what killed him. He was stabbed in the abdomen and bled out. The second stab wound was much deeper."

"Sara said that her mother was standing over the body with the knife in her hand when she entered the room. She later confessed," said Brass.

"That may not be what actually happened. Sara said her parents would play a game in which they told the children what to say in order to hide the abuse. Sara said her mother told her a story right before the police arrived," said Grissom

"Poor kid had a hell of a life," said Brass.

"Does Sara think her mother committed the crime or was she covering for someone?" asked Doc.

"Sara doesn't remember but its coming back to her in bits and pieces. I think this is why she had to visit her mother. She needs closure," said Grissom.

"How is Sara?" asked Doc.

"They're fine," said Grissom as he leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temple.

"What do you mean, 'They'?" asked Brass.

"Sara's pregnant," said Grissom. He pulled out the picture and handed it to Brass. Brass and Doc both slapped Grissom on the shoulder and gave their congratulations.

"I don't want this to get out just yet. She's only eight weeks pregnant but at least we know that it's a viable pregnancy this time."

"How is she physically?" asked Doc.

"She's had morning sickness, some dizzy spells caused by anemia and she tires easily but she's very happy," said Grissom.

"So that's where you've been," said Brass.

"She spent a couple of weeks in Estes Park Colorado. I went up there when she found out she was pregnant. I was with her when they did the ultrasound," said Grissom.

"Where is she now?" asked Doc.

"She's in San Francisco. She was headed there when she decided she needed to take some time for her self before meeting with her mother. I'm glad she did. She needed the rest," said Grissom.

"Speaking of rest, you look beat. We're going to go now," said Doc.

Grissom walked them to the door. He was tired. Brass turned and shook his hand. "If you or Sara needs anything, you call me," said Brass.

'Thanks Jim. Doc, I appreciate you looking over the evidence file and giving me your opinion," said Grissom.

"Any time Gil. Take care of yourself," said Doc as he walked away with Brass.

Grissom returned to the couch and stretched out. He closed his eyes when his phone rang. It was Sara.

"Hey, honey," said Grissom.

"You sound tired."

"I am tired. I was just about to go to bed."

"Sleeping on the couch still?"

Grissom frowned. He had not told her that he could not bring himself to sleep alone in their bed.

"I miss having the covers pulled off me."

'I miss you too."

"Brass and Doc just left. Brass obtained the police report on your father. He had a connection in the police department there. It seems the arresting officer who worked on the case took the files when he retired. It was a good thing he did since it would have been destroyed by now."

"Did you read it?"

"Yes, I did. Sara, I think you're right. I think your mother told you what to tell the police but that is not what actually happened. Your father was stabbed twice. Once in the back and then in the abdomen with the second wound being the cause of death. He bled out."

"I remember there was a lot of blood."

"There's photos…I saw a picture of you. You were beautiful even back then," he whispered.

Sara was silent. She hadn't planned on seeing any photos. She wasn't sure she wanted to see them.

"Sara?"

"I uhm didn't know they took pictures…wait yes I did know. I just didn't think they would still be around."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm okay."

"When do you plan on meeting with your mother?" he asked.

"I thought I would give myself some time to rest and then I would call her up and see if she would come here to the hotel room and talk. I don't think I want to go to her home unless I have no choice." _Good girl. Be safe, Sara._

"That sounds good. Sara, are you really okay?" he asked.

"I'm just tired and my appetite seems to be returning. I think I will call room service," said Sara as she lay down on the bed.

"Any morning sickness?"

"A little but I'm handling it. I just feel really tired. I guess it's the anemia. I am taking my meds so it should be getting better soon. How are you? You sound very tired."

"I miss my wife. I miss my family."

"Would you?" she asked.

Grissom grinned. He knew that she was getting homesick. She was asking for Shakespeare.

"He is the half part of a blessed man

Left to be finished by such as she;

And she a fair divided excellence,

Whose fullness of perfection lies in him

(King John, 2.1.456-9)

"I'll be home soon, Gil. Once I meet with her, I'm coming home. I miss my hubby. I miss Bruno. Hey, have him come to the phone and see if he recognizes my voice."

It was the second time, Grissom had been cornered. "Bruno's not around at the moment."

Sara could sense something was wrong. "Gilbert, where is my dog?"

He decided confession was good for the soul as well as Sara's wrath...

"He's with Greg. I let him take Bruno for awhile."

"You gave my dog away!"

"No I didn't honey. I wasn't in any shape to care for him when you left. I was a mess. Greg was afraid I would chase Bruno away like I did you so he took the dog home."

"You didn't chase me away," pouted Sara.

"I didn't give away Bruno. Greg is just keeping him temporarily. I promise."

"Get my dog back tomorrow, Gilbert Grissom. I want to talk to Bruno tomorrow. You hear me!"

"I hear you. I'll bring Bruno home if you bring your self home soon. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you, Sara," he said.

"I love you too."

"Night"

"Night"


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter Seventy Two:**

"Greg, I need Bruno back after the shift," said Grissom as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Sara found out didn't she?" smiled Greg.

"Dog- Bruno- after shift. Got it?" warned Grissom.

"Yeah, yeah. He's been getting into my laundry anyway. Has a fetish for boxer shorts."

Grissom frowned. "_Hank" has been bad. Probably misses his mommy. Probably hasn't missed me. I'm the one who sent him away. Better put up the laundry…_

Grissom glanced at his watch and wondered what Sara was doing at that moment. He sighed and then headed to work.

Sara slowly pulled herself out of bed. She looked at the clock and cringed. She had intended to lay down just for a nap and it was now five hours later. She had spent the day calling old friends and getting caught up on the gossip. She had lunch with an old friend and they had celebrated her marriage and pregnancy.

While she and Grissom had decided to keep the pregnancy under wraps for awhile, she couldn't resist talking to someone about it other than Grissom. After eating, she returned to the hotel room and lost her lunch. She wasn't surprised since she had eaten a piece of chocolate cake while her friend had a beer. Sara toasted with her glass of milk. She was getting into this pregnancy thing fairly easily, except for the morning sickness.

She had intended just to sleep for an hour or so but now five hours had passed. _Five wasted hours. I want to go home. I want Grissom._

She stood in the shower and let the water pour over her body. If felt good. She knew he would be worried. _He probably thinks I am already with her. _

What once was a driven need, the pregnancy had changed everything. It was one thing to put her self through hell but now she had to consider the baby. _Our baby. _

The thought made her smile. She glanced down at her butterfly tattoo and chuckled. In a couple of months, that would no longer be visible to her eyes. She wondered how long it would take before her tummy overshadowed her feet. She was looking forward to the experience. She was looking forward to a lot of things and finally she was grateful for the change.

The pain of losing the baby was still vivid in her mind but now she had another chance. She had no intentions of risking this pregnancy. She tried to comprehend all of the emotions that flooded her body when she thought of the baby but words were so inadequate.

She remembered Grissom's expression when he heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. They had each cried, wiping away each others tears as well as the pain from their first loss. She would always remember their stay at the Stanley.

She chuckled when she recalled the snow fort they had built with the children at the Stanley. When Grissom had suggested a fort, she had imagined a pile of snow for the children to crouch behind. Not Grissom.

He showed the children how to pack the snow into a four foot barrier followed by an actual snow fort that contained two large rooms. It had taken practically all of the snow on the front pasture to construct the thing but he and the children were bent on completing the task. _He's going to be a good father_.

Once it was completed, the children danced around with excitement. The fort stood in tack for three days. It was finally overtaken not by the opposing side but by a herd of elk. The elk marched in and leveled it. The children were disappointed but Grissom just laughed. He was ready for the next project: tracking elk. _I love him._

It was fun to watch ten or so children following Grissom with their heads bent searching the snow for evidence of the elk. The children would squeal with delight when the paw prints would be sighted. It was even better when droppings were unearthed. Nothing was off limits when it came to show and tell. Sara was thankful that the pellets were frozen. _I miss him._

Story time was the best. Grissom would delight in reading a few chapters of Moby Dick. The children would be spellbound by the emotion in his voice. He literally brought the words to life. Sara would smile at him as he recited most of the book from memory. _I need him._

When their eyes met, they shared a smile. The moment was never lost on the children. The boys would groan "yuck" while the girls would swoon. The adults even began to gather around for story time. It became a highly anticipated event. _I want him._

Sometimes she watched as he played with the children. She was often called in to referee the games of touch football or better yet assist in making snow angels. Sara made a beautiful snow angel. Grissom laughed as he watched her lay in the snow and spread her arms and legs. The children followed suit and soon there was a whole line of angels on the freshly snow covered lawn. Despite the bitter cold wind, the visitors would sit on the front porch and watch the morning adventures with the Grissoms. _I cherish him._

It was a special time. With each memory, she missed him more and more. She pulled herself back to reality and finished the shower. Once dressed, she picked up the phone and dialed her mother. Grissom checked and confirmed Laura Sidle was still living at the address Sara had discovered months ago. It was now time. She took a deep breath and dialed the number. _I want to go home._

When she heard the voice, she knew that it was her mother. Even the years could not take that memory away from her. She held the phone and tried to speak but the words would not come. She started to hang up but then remembered her promise to Grissom. Once she had talked with her mother, she was going home. _Home. Grissom. _

"Is this Laura Sidle?" she asked.

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"I'm Sara," she said.

There was a pause before the woman whispered back "My Sara?"

_No! I belong to Grissom. He's my family._

"Sara Sidle."

"Sara! I've been praying that someday you would call. I've been keeping up with your career." The statement shocked Sara.

"I uhm I'm in San Francisco and was wondering if you could come to my hotel for dinner so we could talk."

"Sara, you're welcome to come here to the house. This is your home too. I could come and pick you up?" she offered. _That's not my home. We never had a home. We lived in hell._

"No! I uh, it would be better if you could meet me here."

"Fine. Tell me where you're staying and I can come any time."

Sara gave her the name of the hotel and they agreed to meet downstairs in the lobby in an hour. She hung up the phone and headed to the bathroom. She threw up the remaining contents of her stomach. She grabbed the washcloth soaking it before placing it over her forehead. She instinctively clutched her abdomen. _I won't let you upset me. I won't place my child in danger. My child! I won't be like you. I'm not like you. I'm never going to be like you!_

She rinsed off her face and decided she would lay down and rest. She picked up the phone and dialed Grissom. She needed to hear his voice.

"Sara?" he whispered as he walked down the hall to his office.

"I just wanted to hear your voice," she said.

"Are you okay?" his fear increased with each step.

"We're okay. I called her. She's coming here in an hour. We're going to meet downstairs."

"Sara?"

"I won't let her upset me, Gil. I won't let her get to me. I have too much at stake."

_That's my Sara._

"If you need me, you call. I can hop a plane at a minute's notice. Okay?"

"I love you too," she whispered. She hung up the phone before he could hear the struggle of emotions in her voice. She leaned back and closed her eyes. _Home. I want to go home._

Note from author:

Take a deep breath and say "I'm going to give a review. I'm going to give a review." Now, isn't that better? Okay, if you didn't fall for it, then leave a review anyway. I need it since I am now having to stay up after midnight to write. The things we do for GSR! LOL

Take care,

Penny


	73. Chapter 73

**Chapter Seventy Three:**

She had not changed in Sara's eyes. She was still the same woman who called herself a mother, her mother. Sara suddenly felt resentment for Laura Sidle. She just wanted her questions answered so she could leave. She sat and listened while her mother talked about her life. She then surprised Sara by telling Sara what she knew about hers. She had kept a scrapbook of Sara's accomplishments in college as well as the CSI field. She told her everything except what she wanted to know.

"Mom, I came here to talk with you about…"

"You want to know about the day your father died," The bluntness shocked Sara but it also relieved her. She wanted this done and over with.

"What do you want to know?"

"I want the truth, not the story you had me tell the police. We both know that was a lie."

Laura fidgeted in her seat. She looked at Sara. "Can we go some place private? I would prefer not to discuss this in public?"

"My room is upstairs. We can go there."

Sara opened the door and offered her mother a chair across from the desk. Once seated, Sara sat down at the desk reaching for a pen and followed by a pad. Her mother glanced at her actions.

"You're going to take notes?"

Sara looked down and saw the pen in her hand poised to write. "Sorry, old habit." _Nothing like being in work mode. Good Sara! Don't let your guard down._

"First, I need to know a few things," said Laura. "How are you? I read about the abduction and how they found you in the desert." She tried to reach across the table to touch Sara but she recoiled. Sara saw the hurt in her eyes but she wasn't about to be touched by this woman who was her mother in title only.

"I'm fine," said Sara.

"Your father used to say that but there always seemed to be another meaning behind the words." Sara felt chills coursing down her spine.

"They found me. I'm alive. I'm sitting right here in front of you."

Laura glanced down and saw the wedding ring on her finger. "How long have you been married?"

"A few months."

"Any children?" she asked. _It's none of your business. _

"I came here to find out about that day nothing more," demanded Sara.

If her words were meant to hurt, then Sara had accomplished her mission. Laura pretended to cough but she was trying to keep from crying. Sara knew that tactic. She had done it for years when Grissom had trampled on her feelings. She wondered if Grissom had noticed the flaw in the reaction.

"I'm sorry, could I use the restroom?" asked Laura.

It was not her intention to be cruel. She had hoped to question the woman and then escort her to the door. She did not expect her mother to be willing to converse so freely with her. She had never contacted Sara in all these years. Sara did not want to know the woman. She just wanted the information so she could pack her bag and go home.

Laura came out of the bathroom and grabbed her coat. "If you want to know the truth Sara then I'll make a deal with you. Go home to your husband. Once your home, I'll fly to Las Vegas and tell you everything. I promise." _What kind of game are you trying to play?_

"Why not tell me now? We're both here," said Sara. Laura could tell she was angry.

"Sara, please. I'll even fly out with you. We can talk on the flight… if you want." she added.

"Fine. I'll book a flight tonight but it's not necessary to sit with me and act like we're mother and daughter because we're not. I'll make sure you have a round trip ticket waiting for you at the airport. Agreed?" asked Sara.

Laura turned away so Sara would not see the disappointment in her eyes. "Agreed."

Sara got on the phone and began making the arrangements. Once Laura knew the flight time, she left to pack. She offered to pick Sara up so they could ride together to the airport but Sara declined. Once she left, Sara sunk back down in the chair. _Nothing. I know nothing. She probably won't even show up. I don't care, I need to go home. I need Grissom._

As Sara packed her bag, she rushed to the bathroom just before the nausea hit. She sat there in the floor with her head in her hands. It gradually passed and she prayed she could make it through the flight without getting sick. She ordered some bland soup and dried toast and ate that before checking out.

Grissom was walking down the hall when Judy paged him with an important phone call from Laura Sidle. He felt the blood rush from his face as he heard the name. _Sara! Something's happened to Sara._

He grabbed the phone in his office as he sat down and tried to prepare himself.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes, this is Gil Grissom."

"You don't know me but I think you're married to my daughter Sara."

"Is she alright?"

"Yes! She's fine. I just left her a little while ago. We're getting ready to fly to Vegas tonight but I wanted to speak with you first. She's pregnant. Am I right?"

"Yes, she is." He wasn't sure if he should have given her the information.

"What has Sara told you about her father?"

"I'm not sure we need to be discussing this without Sara. Where is Sara?"

"I left her at the hotel. I don't have much time Mr. Grissom so I'll be brief. I saw Sara's meds and I realized she's pregnant. I don't think she needs to be upset in her condition particularly if she is away from home so I made a deal with her. I would only tell her the complete truth about the death of her father in Vegas. Did I do the right thing Mr. Grissom?" _Sara's coming home!_

"Yes, you did. She doesn't need any stress right now but she is determined to know what really happened." _Sara's coming home!_

"I look forward to meeting you. I'll make sure she gets home safely."

"I'll meet you both at the airport."

"She doesn't know I called, you may want to call her yourself. Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes."

"You love her very much?"

"Yes, I do."

"Good, she deserves it." Grissom heard the click.

Grissom hurried down the hall and found Catherine. "I have to leave, tell Greg something has come up and to keep the dog until tomorrow." He rushed out without a word from Catherine. She stood there and watched as he ran out of the building.

Grissom had just stepped into the townhouse when Sara called.

"Hey," said Grissom. _Tell me you're coming home. Please tell me Laura was right and you're coming home._

"I have a flight tonight," she said.

"How did it go?"

"She refused to tell me anything unless I bring her to Vegas. I swear Gil she better not be trying to mess with me. I'm in no mood."

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. The nausea is back with a vengeance. I can't keep anything down." _She needs to be home._

"I'll pick you up at the airport. Okay?"

"What about work?"

"Sara, get on the plane and hurry home. I need you."

"I need you too. Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Quote some Shakespeare for me," she whispered.

"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee,

The more I have, for both are infinite." (Romeo and Juliet 2.2.139-141)

Sara closed her eyes and listened to his comforting voice. "Thanks, hon."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't like her."

"Why?"

"I don't know." The reply was followed by a click. He didn't care that she ran from the conversation. She was coming home. _Tonight. Sara._

Note from author:

Well, I thought we would have gotten into the who dunnit chapters but I guess that is the next two. Gee! I didn't know I had written so much! LOL Please review! As I said, it is the only thing that keeps me up at night to write. Take care!

Penny


	74. Chapter 74

**Note from author:**

I couldn't leave so many of you hanging over the weekend. The reviews were just so nice. Hope this tides you over until tomorrow… or midnight which ever comes first. Remember, I love reviews!

Take care, Penny

**Chapter Seventy Four:**

He used his credentials to be there when she stepped off the plane. He needed to be there. When he saw her, she needed him as well. She looked pale and her mother was actually helping her down the walk way. Sara was relieved to be in Grissom's arms. It had been a rough flight. She had spent most of the flight in the bathroom.

The stewardess tried to help. They had Sara sit back away from the others in hopes that if she had a little more space, she would not feel as nauseous. Her mother insisted on standing by her although Sara insisted that she take her seat. Finally, Sara asked the stewardess to escort her mother to her seat and she seemed to feel better once Laura was gone.

Grissom made her sit while he retrieved the luggage. Once they were in their car, Sara closed her eyes. She didn't like the fact that her mother was sitting in the back seat. She had wanted to talk with Grissom. She had wanted to tell him how much she had missed him and how his poems had given her enough strength to face her mother. She needed to tell him how much she loved his support but more importantly his unconditional love. She wanted to tell him she would never leave again. She wanted to tell him…she fell asleep.

Grissom took her hand and kissed her palm. He already knew that she was asleep. The tension was now gone from her body. He brushed the hair from her face as he placed his jacket over her shoulders. She was back and he was now in control. He wasn't about to let this stranger harm Sara.

Laura sat quietly in the back seat observing Grissom. She noticed how he continued to hold Sara's hand glancing in her direction ever so often to make sure she was comfortable. The man loved her daughter. The fact was plain to see. She knew she had made the right decision on insisting that Sara come home.

It wasn't going to be easy on Sara but she knew that Sara wanted to know the truth. She just hoped that she would be able to make peace with her. The hostility was still there just as it had been the day they were separated. Laura closed her eyes and fought back the memories. Some ghosts were just too hard to fight.

Laura watched as the investigator talked with Sara. She prayed that Sara would keep to the story. _Please baby, one more time. You can do it! Look, mommy is right over here. _

Laura tried to will Sara to look in her direction but the investigator blocked her from view. She watched as another car pulled up and Billy came running to the front porch. He looked at Sara and then tried to run into the house but the police officer blocked his path. He jerked his arm away from the man and stood there on the porch. He then turned to see Laura sitting in the back of the squad car. Billy ran over and opened the door falling into his mother's arms. She tried to comfort him as her sobs mingled with his.

"Ssh, Billy. I'm sorry but daddy is dead. I killed him. You need to go look after your sister now. They'll be taking me away soon. She needs you."

A man appeared and closed the door forcing Billy to move away. Billy walked up to the steps and stood beside Sara.

"Momma told me to stay with you. They have to take her away soon," whispered Billy.

"Momma's just sitting there until they leave and then we're going to go get a new book."

"NO, Sara. She has to leave. She's not coming back."

"That's a lie. She wouldn't leave us too! You take that back Billy Sidle! I'm going to tell momma."

She jumped up and ran down the steps to the car and began pounding on the window.

"Momma, we need you. You can't leave. Get out of that car. Where are you going?" she sobbed.

A woman appeared and picked Sara up taking her to another vehicle that had just arrived.

Laura watched helplessly as Sara screamed for her mother. She thrashed about until she was able to break free, running back to the police car. She beat on the window with her fists. Laura covered her ears to shut out Sara's screams. She would later learn that Sara broke her small hand from the force. She cried as they loaded Sara into the back of the car and drove away. Billy took off running while a police officer followed in pursuit. Sidle family no longer lived at the inn.

Laura opened her eyes as the car rolled to a stop. She had arrived at her daughter's life. Grissom coaxed Sara to bed. Once she was tucked in, he faced Laura. She didn't like the look in his eye.

"You can tell me what happened that day." He said.

"I won't do it. That wasn't our agreement. It needs to come from me. I know you don't want me to hurt Sara and I have no intention of doing that if I can avoid it but she needs to remember how it really was."

Grissom didn't like her. She was direct, stubborn and she …reminded him of Sara. He made some coffee and they sat down. Grissom told her about their relationship and then their marriage. It was factual information that was given, anything that she could have gotten on her own. He had no intention of letting her know how much he loved Sara or the hell they went through this past year. That was reserved for family and he had not decided if she fit that label just yet.

An hour passed and Sara stood in the doorway watching the two. She walked over and sat next to Grissom. He wrapped his arm around her making her lean into him so he could feel her. She wanted to just curl up and sleep but she wanted to get this over with and get the woman out of their home and out of their lives as quickly as possible.

"Okay, I've kept my part of the deal, now tell me," demanded Sara.

"Sara, we don't need to get into this now. It was a long flight…" said Grissom.

"No! I want to get this over with. Now, mother!" Sara didn't know where the hostility was coming from. She only knew that she didn't like her mother.

Laura looked away as if to hide the hurt and the tears but she straightened her back and looked directly at Sara. "Okay, here it is. John was furious when he discovered that I had let Billy go to the movies. He had just come home…"

"He'd been drinking," added Sara.

"No, he never drank." The statement shocked the hell out of Sara.

"I remember him coming home drunk," declared Sara.

"You remember his stupor from being on anti-depressants. Perhaps I should start from the very beginning to give you a better understanding. John was drafted into the Viet nam war and spent five years in combat. When he returned home, he was never the same. He suffered from post traumatic syndrome with depression.

He went through a regiment of drugs to offset the depression. Some would work for awhile but then John's system would build up a tolerance to the drug and then we would have to try another drug. It was during the good time that we had the children and bought the inn. It seemed as the years wore on, the amount of the dosage was increasing. It was taking much more each time to stabilize him.

He never spoke about his time in active duty but by the sound of his nightmares, it was horrendous. In the last five years of his life, John became suicidal. It seemed like we couldn't go a month without a discussion about suicide. The talks turned into attempts. At first, they were just cries for help. We were always there to talk him down.

Eventually the attempts became more elaborate and I knew then he was intent on killing himself. The medication was not working and he withdrew from counseling. His demeanor changed. He was now angry when his depression hit. He hurt and he was angry that he couldn't control it. He would lash out at us. At first, he was very sorry for hurting one of us and I'll admit, it started out as accidents but then it escaladed to intentional abuse."

Sara sat there quietly. Grissom could feel her body tensing. He tried to console her by stroking her arm with his fingertips. Laura saw the display of love for Sara and she smiled. It made Sara mad and she pulled away from Grissom.

She got up and went into the kitchen and got some bottled water. She returned and sat back down. This time, however, she purposely sat away from Grissom. He knew that she was upset and she was determined to hide any weakness. He obliged.

Laura leaned back in the chair and directed this part of the story at Grissom, "Sara was his favorite. He would spend hours with her reading books. They loved to read. Whenever he accidentally hurt her, he would rush out and purchase a new book for her. She would always forgive him.

In his darkest hours, Sara always managed to talk him out of killing himself. I had been successful for awhile but when I saw how we were all slowly deteriorating, I grew tired. I secretly hoped that one day I would come home and find him dead. This brings me to the day he died."


	75. Chapter 75

**Chapter Seventy Five:**

"We were fighting in the kitchen. He… he started to hit me and I began to plead with him. He backed away and began to cry uncontrollably."

"No, he didn't!" said Sara.

"Yes, he did. I was there. You were not." Laura continued. Grissom reached over and held Sara's hand. He squeezed her hand in a gesture to calm down. She complied.

"He told me to leave….to take you and Billy and run away as far as I could. I tried to comfort him and he hit me. He called it pity. I called it love. He pushed me back and I fell against the counter. My head struck the edge and I remember trying to stop the bleeding.

Billy came in and saw me with your father. He grabbed the knife and stabbed him in the back. I knew that it wasn't very deep. I thought to myself that we would just take a ride to the emergency room with another story memorized and be back by supper. I also knew there would be hell to pay later. I was afraid for Billy. I was afraid for you Sara, because you would be there right in the middle of it.

Your father whirled around to see Billy. The knife was still in his back so I pulled it out. He turned back around to face me and Billy lunged at him. He fell on the knife while I held it in my hand. I knew that it was a fatal wound. He and I both knew it. He actually smiled at me.

I told Billy to run back to Jimmy's house and stay there and pretend he had never come home. I would take the blame. It was then that you came into the kitchen and saw your father lying on the floor. You rushed over to him and tried to stop the bleeding."

"No, I didn't. I didn't care if he died. I was glad he died."

"No, you weren't Sara. You loved him as much as he loved you. You were in shock."

"I was not. Why are you lying even now?" yelled Sara.

"I have no reason to lie." Laura glanced at Grissom as she continued.

"You were little and didn't know what to do but you were determined to save him. I called the police and requested an ambulance. You kept holding your hand on his wound and begging him. I can still hear your voice "Don't leave daddy, don't leave. It'll be better. It'll be better. Don't leave." He kissed your hand and told you something. I couldn't make it out. He loved you Sara. Despite the hell and torture he put us through, he loved all of us. He was just too sick to fight off the demons any more."

"You came all this way to tell me this? This is not the truth."

"Sara, I didn't want Billy to live with the stigma of stabbing his father. You already had to live with a father who suffered from chronic depression and when the pain became too unbearable, he wanted to kill himself. We on the other hand wouldn't let him. We got the hell beat out of us for stopping him sometimes but we did it. We hid his depression.

Sometimes he could go for months and not have a relapse but when he did, we all suffered. When he lost his temper, he would spank you but as soon as you told him you loved him, he would crumble and beg you to forgive him.

One time he was determined to make you hate him so he beat you every time you told him you loved him. With each strike he would yell, 'say you hate me Sara' but you refused. He then tried another tactic. He decided he would twist your arm until you caved in. It snapped instead. That was the first trip to the hospital for you."

Sara touched her right arm as if a solitary memory flickered in her mind. Grissom saw the reaction and he squeezed her hand again.

"You were good at making up the stories to cover for your father. You would have walked through fire to protect him. After that, he went for months without an incident and then one day we came home and he had a gun pointed at his head. I thought he was going to die that day but you broke down in tears and begged him. He slapped you away but you just kept picking yourself up and clinging to him.

He shoved you causing you to fall down the stairs, breaking two of your ribs. That was the second trip to the hospital. Your injuries scared him that time. He picked up your small body and sobbed. He didn't want to hurt you. He just wanted the pain to go away. I remember him rocking you in his arms and instead of him comforting you, it was you who kissed him and told him that it was going to be alright."

Laura looked at Grissom, "He begged me again to leave with the kids that night but Sara was adamant. She wasn't going to leave her father. We took you to the hospital and he was determined to tell the truth this time but you wouldn't let him.

You blurted out some story about losing your balance trying to slide down the banister and falling. You were very convincing. Your father on the other hand was livid. When we got home, he took the belt to you. You didn't care, he was alive, we were together and that is all that you wanted. I blame myself for that."

"How is that?" Grissom asked.

"I should have gotten Sara and Billy out of there when I had the chance. I should have insisted. To sum it up, I failed to protect my own children. My only excuse is that I loved the man and hoped that one day he would change. I prayed that Sara would get through to him. He seemed to respond more to her than Billy or me.

Near the end, I hoped that one day, she wouldn't beg and he would succeed in killing himself before he killed one of us. John had a weakness and that weakness was Sara. He didn't think he was good enough to be loved.

I learned that when he was in a depressed state to not show any emotion. To do so would send him into a rage because he was determined to push us away. Sara refused to be pushed. She loved him heart and soul and she was willing to be used as a punching bag until his rage was over so long as he didn't harm himself."

"NO! I wouldn't. I hated him."

"You loved him Sara. You hated me for killing him. You hated the fact that he died. The hate was later directed at him. He finally left you. He let go even though you begged him not to."

"He made up the stories. I remember that."

Yes, he did. He made up stories to cover the depression but then you became good at helping him cover up the injuries as well. You began helping with the stories, the alibis. You were determined to save him from himself but sweetie you couldn't and neither could I."

"I don't believe this."

"This **is** the truth. When your father died, you began screaming. You were covered in blood. I grabbed you and took you outside. Before the police came, I told you the final story. I told you what to say. I wanted to protect Billy. I killed your father. I needed to pay not him."

"It was an accident," said Grissom.

"I killed him. I let my children suffer for years through the depression and the abuse. I should have gotten them out of the home. I wanted to but I wanted to save John. God knows I tried. By the time I realized I couldn't save him, Sara had taken up the crusade." Laura sat there quiet for a moment before she looked at Sara.

"I always wondered what his last words were. He said something to you Sara. Do you remember?"

Sara just sat there. Grissom spoke up, "He said Sara was going to be just like you."

Laura's eyes met Sara's. Laura could only see hatred. She let out a small sniffle and stood up from the chair.

"I would be grateful if you would call me a cab. I can get a hotel room and then head back to San Francisco." Grissom motioned for her to sit back down.

"There's no need for that. You can stay in the guest room. I'll show you."

Grissom started to get up but it was Sara who stood up first.

'I don't believe any of this. I don't remember a single happy moment with you or him!" Sara was glaring at Laura now.

"Because he broke your heart and his promise to you. You made him promise to never leave you but he did. He died."

Laura walked over to her bag and pulled out a photo album. "I brought this to you. I've been saving it. It's the only pictures we have left."

She tried to hand it to Sara but she wouldn't take it. "Give it to Billy or keep it. I don't want or need it."

Laura stifled a cry, "I can't give it to Billy. Your brother is dead. You and I are the only ones left."

"What happened to Billy?" asked Grissom.

"When I got out of prison, I tracked down Billy and Sara. Billy already was suffering from drug problems and I tried to get him medical treatment for his addictions but I couldn't reach him. It eventually killed him. It's ironic. I kept Billy's involvement that day a secret to protect him and it was that secret that haunted him until he overdosed.

Sara on the other hand was doing fine. I knew that she hated me. I also knew that the pain she felt from the loss of her father had manifested itself into hate. For several years, her counselor sent me updates on her progress. When she entered college, I decided to never make contact with her. I felt she was better off without me in her life."

"That is the one true statement you've made all night," said Sara as she walked into the bedroom and slammed the door. Grissom quickly showed Laura the room before going after Sara. He found her sitting on the bed.

"It's a lie. I put us through hell for nothing. I never should have gone to San Francisco."

"Sara, are you sure it's just a lie? What would she have to gain?"

"You believe her! You don't think for a second that she's conning us. Well I do!" Sara was now standing. Grissom walked toward her. "I'm worried about you…" She backed away from him.

Suddenly it was as if they were back in the lab that fateful night when Grissom had a similar conversation with Sara with the same withdrawal. That was the night she left the note and ran in hopes of putting those ghosts to rest. The same ghosts she now had to face except here they were and Sara was retreating. _Not this time._

"Don't! This is not helping. You need to leave me alone and let me deal with…"

Sara's face turned white and she ran to the bathroom. Grissom followed her and rubbed her back as she vomited. She sat down on the tub and closed her eyes as her body began to tremble. She needed to lie down but she had no more strength.

"Gil, I'm worried. I haven't been able to keep anything down in the last twenty four hours…I …" She felt the nausea return and she grabbed his arm to steady herself. Once it passed, Grissom picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bed.

He left her briefly but returned with some ginger ale and crackers.

"Sara, if you don't drink something, you're going to get dehydrated. That's not good for you or the baby."

She took the crackers and drank the ale. He watched as she leaned back and closed her eyes.

"You've been through enough for today. You need to get some sleep. If the nausea is not gone by morning, we're going to the doctor's office." Sara agreed.

He started to get up but she grabbed his arm.

"I'm sorry Gil. I didn't mean to push you away. I'm sorry," her words were choked and he pulled her into his arms.

"Sara, it's okay. Just sleep. I'm here if you need me."

"Stay," she whispered. Grissom knew that it took a lot from Sara to admit she was worried. He also knew that she was frightened. He helped her change into a gown and then discarding his clothes, joined her in bed.

She scooted as close as she could to Grissom. He held her tightly and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. She was asleep within minutes. Grissom tried to process all of the information Laura Sidle had told them. It hurt him to think that Sara had endured so much as a small child. However, it did explain a lot.

It explained why she never gave up on him. When Sara Sidle loved you, it was for life. He wondered how she coped with the beatings followed by the show of affection. _God! What if she had fallen in love with an abusive man?_

He hugged her tightly until he was afraid that she would wake. It worried him that she refused to acknowledge her love for her father but he was even more afraid of the consequences for remembering that pain. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. She clutched at his shirt when he tried to roll to his side and he grinned.

She had missed him as much as he had missed her. He couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried but he was content to hold her while she did. He felt her stir followed by the dampness on his shirt. He whispered to her softly:

If questioning would make us wise  
No eyes would ever gaze in eyes;  
If all our tale were told in speech  
No mouths would wander each to each.

Were spirits free from mortal mesh  
And love not bound in hearts of flesh  
No aching breasts would yearn to meet  
And find their ecstasy complete.

For who is there that lives and knows  
The secret powers by which he grows?  
Were knowledge all, what were our need  
To thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?

Then seek not, sweet, the "If" and "Why"  
I love you now until I die.  
For I must love because I live  
And life in me is what you give.

Sara leaned up and gave him a sensual kiss, "Christopher Brennan."

"Yes."

"You've been reading my book of poetry," she said.

He returned the kiss as his hands roamed over her body. He wanted to make love to her but she needed to rest. Her hands began to roam as well but he caught each one kissing the palms as he whispered, "Rest, Sara. I love you."

She smiled. She knew that all she had to do was ask but she wouldn't. His gentle voice soothed her heart. She nestled closer and returned to sleep. He soon followed.

It was good being in their bed again. He had missed it. He had missed her. He reached over to pull her body closer but she wasn't there. Sara was gone.

Note from author:

It was been a wild day but I have snuck away to post a chapter. Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews. I even noticed some ones! Please don't forget to leave a review. They mean so much to me which is why I am hiding in the closet with my laptop pretending to change for dinner but trying to get this chapter out! Take care!

Penny


	76. Chapter 76

**Chapter Seventy Six:**

Grissom jumped up. He checked the bathroom but it was empty. He pulled his robe on and walked into the living room. She was sitting in the floor with the pictures spread out. He closed his eyes to will his heart to slow. Her face was streaked with tears. She looked at him and smiled. He came and sat down beside her. The pictures spanned fifteen years. The photos told a story. They began with a marriage followed by the birth of a son and then a daughter.

There were Christmas scenes and Halloween. A few birthdays scattered here and there. Grissom saw a photo of a young Sara with a cast on her right arm. It was later followed with another photo of Sara and her father sitting on the front porch of the inn. Sara held a book in her hands.

"A book of Frost," she whispered.

There was a photo of an autumn afternoon at the inn. Father and daughter sat in the swing. His arm tucked around her shoulders. _Was she holding her side?_

Grissom scanned the photos with his eyes. They had been a typical family. For one to look at the photos nothing more could be said but then the Sidles hid their secrets well.

"He used to read Shakespeare to me. We read Yates and Frost. One year for his birthday, I memorized a Frost poem and recited it to him. He smiled and told me I was going to be just like her and steal someone's heart." She picked up a picture of the two of them together and handed it to Grissom.

"He later told me I was strong like her but able to bend without breaking." The tears spilled forth on her face. "I think I'm broken Grissom. I think I…god it hurts too much." She curled up in a ball in the floor beside the pictures. Grissom pulled her into his arms as she sobbed.

He let her cry. She needed to grieve. It was time Sara learned to grieve. Laura heard the voices in the next room and walked out to see them sitting in the floor. It warmed her heart to see them together. She watched as Grissom held Sara as she cried. He leaned down and whispered softly to her as he kissed her gently on the head.

She returned to the bedroom and shut the door. Leaning against the door, she let her own tears fall. She knew Sara was safe. She was in a loving home with a loving husband and expecting a child. She was content that at least one of the Sidles would survive. Yes, Sara was a survivor.

He felt the racking sobs. He knew she needed this but when one heart ached so did the other. Her sobs eventually stopped but she continued to cry softly. As they sat there in the floor, Grissom began to recite Robert Frost:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood  
And looked down one as far as I could  
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,  
And having perhaps the better claim,  
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;  
Though as for that, the passing there  
Had worn them really about the same, 

And both that morning equally lay  
In leaves no step had trodden black.  
Oh, I kept the first for another day!  
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,  
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference.

Laura smiled as she heard the familiar poem. _Grissom is perfect for Sara_. She crept back into bed and closed her eyes. Sara was safe. She would always be safe with Grissom.

Grissom pulled Sara's hand up and kissed her palm. "I love you, Sara," he whispered.

"I love you too," she choked. "I think I've loved you forever."

"Let's go to bed, honey."

He pulled her up and took her to bed leaving the pictures and the memories on the floor. That was all that remained. The ghosts were now gone. It was silent except for the beating of Grissom's heart for Sara. Always.

The next morning, Grissom sat at the counter drinking some coffee. Sara was still sleeping. As the hours passed, he grew concerned about Laura so he tapped on the guest bedroom. The door was slightly ajar. He saw a note on the bed.

_Sara,_

_I came here in hopes of helping you find some closure to the past. I hope that I have done that. Know that I have always loved you. I wish that I could have been the mother that I know you will be. You have chosen a loving and caring husband. I thank God for that. Know that I will live with my regrets for the rest of my life. I wish you only happiness and love. Cherish your family and be happy. You deserve it. _

_All my love,_

_Mom _

She was gone. She has slipped out during the night to return to the past. _Like daughter like mother._

Note from author:

I thought I would leave Grissom and Sara in a happy place for now. Have a good weekend! Penny

P.S. reviews please


	77. Chapter 77

**Chapter Seventy Seven**:

Sometimes, acceptance is all that is left. The pain and the hurt slowly wash away and then there is acceptance. Sara was determined to finish her journey. She allowed the grief to come at last and she faced it, embracing it. He was there just as he had always been.

He had been there when she woke to give her the note from her mother and the assurance that he would always be there in good or bad. If she was hurt by her mother's sudden departure, she did not let on. Grissom was a bit disappointed at her reaction or lack of. He was relieved that the nausea was getting better. Once she had eaten some dried toast, she returned to the floor and the photos and the memories. The emotions swept through her with each glance of a photo.

There were moments of laughter when a memory would spring forth from a photo but there were some memories that brought tears and pain and anger and hurt and even hate. Those emotions struggled for dominance but Sara kept them in check.

She spent the next day sitting in the floor walking through her memories one at a time. She accepted each emotion that came with the photo and once she had dealt with it, the photo was placed back in the album.

There had been few interruptions throughout the day except for the occasional dried toast or bland soup that was placed on the table beside her. He would return later to ensure that the food had been eaten before disappearing to another part of the house.

By the end of the day, only a few photos remained on the floor but those seemed to be the hardest. Those were the last photos taken of a typical family that hid a horrible secret. Her fingertips gently outlined each and every remaining photo. It was as if Sara was trying to piece them together one last time to form a happy moment but there was no happiness displayed in these photos.

They were the last. They were taken during a time when her father was losing his battle with depression. To look closely at each photo even an average person could plainly see the ghosts behind the man's eyes. Sara wondered why she never saw it back then.

Perhaps she did and chose to ignore them or perhaps she had accepted the ghosts like old friends and was willing to share her father with them. She looked at Billy. He had succumbed to those ghosts. Sara had almost done the same thing. She had Grissom to pull her back but Billy had had no one. At least she didn't think he had anyone.

She wondered if they would have been closer had she not retreated within herself. She guessed she would never know. He was now dead. She placed his photo in the album as she felt the wetness on her cheeks. Her mother's photo was next.

She stared at it and started to pick it up but she left it laying there. She looked into her eyes and for a moment thought she saw herself looking back. Perhaps if she were dead also, she would be able to forgive her. Sara thought it was strange how easy it was to forgive the dead than the living.

Perhaps she expected or needed something from her mother but at the moment she didn't know what. She only knew that she wanted her to remain in the past. She could not see her as part of their future. She picked up the photo and started to place it in the album but then dropped it back on the floor. There it remained beside his.

The last of the photos was of John Sidle. She stared at each little detail. She had loved him and he had loved her. She was sure of that. Her scars were proof of her love. She had hated him in the end. She needed to hate something or someone in order to make sense of the previous years.

She had endured so much and for what? She had lost him anyway. She had not been able to save him. His death however had allowed her to save herself. It was his death that catapulted her into the field of forensic science and ultimately meeting Grissom. She gathered up his photo and put it away into the album. Her mother's photo remained.

She pulled her legs up and hugged them tight to her body. She sat there staring at the photo. Grissom had left her to the silence only to check in every now and then to ensure she was okay. He knew that she had wanted to deal with the grief and the past alone.

He came to check on her that afternoon and found her curled up on the couch. The lone picture remained on the floor. He picked it up and placed it on top of the album before sitting down with her.

"Sara, I think you need to resolve this thing between the two of you."

Sara was silent. Grissom looked over his glasses at her.

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well _– _.Lewis B. Smedes_"_

"I'm not sure I'm ready to do that," she whispered.

"Would you like to have a session?" he asked.

She closed her eyes to the warmth of his hand slowly caressing her thigh. His hands were always inviting. She grabbed it and pulled it to her hoping that the loss of the warmth would allow her to continue sorting through her feelings. He was a distraction and he knew it but he had spent most of the day leaving her alone.

The fact now was he was tired of being alone. It was ironic that just a few years ago he would have relished a day in solitude. To make contact with another person was mostly an inconvenience. He was content with himself and his work. That is, until Sara entered his heart. She came fluttering in like a butterfly gently floating about, her beauty catching his eye while her eyes beckoned him to love her and so he did.

He was no longer the solitary man. He now craved for her companionship. To go a day without her company was like cutting off his supply to his most essential ingredient for survival. She was home now. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to converse with her. He wanted to make sure she was dealing with this. Simply, he just wanted to be with her.

She smiled when his mouth seemed to pout. Yes, Gilbert Grissom was known to pout. She had learned to watch for those subtle gestures and looks when he was vulnerable. Grissom was feeling vulnerable now. She pulled herself up and sat next to him.

It had been a long day and he could feel her tiredness. He kissed her and was content to just sit with her. Sara found herself staring at the remaining photo. She picked it up and held it.

"She looks like you," he commented.

"She left like I did," said Sara.

"Any regrets?" he asked.

"I'm not sure. Perhaps I should have told her about the pregnancy," said Sara.

"She already knows. She saw your prescriptions in the hotel bathroom. She later called me to let me know that she insisted you come home before she told you the truth. She was concerned for your health."

Sara stared at the photo, "I didn't know."

"Would it have mattered if you did?"

Sara did not reply. She was still sorting out her emotions when it came to her mother.

"Do you think I'm going to be a better mother?" whispered Sara.

"You already are. Sara, you were willing to risk your life to protect the first pregnancy. You knew it wasn't a viable pregnancy but you couldn't bring yourself to terminate it."

"I made you. I'm sorry. It was selfish," she said.

"I had the easy part," he said.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad I'm home."

"Bed, Mrs. Grissom?"

"That would be nice."

**Note from author:**

Don't forget the reviews. Take care! Penny


	78. Chapter 78

**Chapter Seventy Eight:**

"When is Bruno coming home?" asked Sara.

"I'll have Greg bring him to the house after shift, if you want."

"It seems different here without him," she said.

Grissom rolled over and propped himself up.

"I need to go into the lab today before shift. I'm going to miss you."

"You shouldn't. I've disrupted your work not to mention your life."

"Sara, you are my life. Work is a distraction when I can't be with you."

She looked at him and smiled, "Nice try but I know you love your job. I'm glad. You're the best in the field and they need you."

"I've said this before but I'll say it again, the lab needs you."

Sara was quiet. Grissom realized what he had done. _Damn, I didn't mean to push. I just want you to feel needed._

"Sara, I don't expect you to go back. I don't want you to go back if you don't want to. I'll be content with whatever you decide as long as it means you don't leave me…"

"I'm sorry Gil. I know I hurt you by taking off like that." _I'm batting a thousand here. You idiot! Throw her under the bus why don't you!_

He pulled her close kissing her urgently on the lips. "Sara, I'm glad you went away," _Did I just say that? _

Sara looked at him and grinned when she saw his expression.

"Gil, I know what you're trying to say," she said.

"I hope you do cause I seem to be saying all the wrong things when all I want to say is that I want you to be happy. I want you to know that you can do whatever you want. Go back to the lab, take a different job or just stay home and focus on our family. If you have to go, just take me with you. I don't want to be without you."

"That's exactly what I thought you said," she whispered. She kissed him tenderly as he smiled. Breakfast was delayed that morning as the Grissoms spent the morning reacquainting themselves with one another. He made love to her slowly, gently whispering a quote here and there from her book of poems. She relished him.

Verses of love could be heard in the shower that morning as he serenaded her with another poem. Sara rewarded him with making love to him in the shower. He rewarded her with making love to her in their bed again. It was midday before Grissom found himself dressed and ready for work.

Sara had begun laundry and was trying to occupy herself by cleaning an already clean house. He knew that she needed to keep busy. Sara had always been busy.

"Would you like to meet for dinner?" he asked.

"That would be nice."

"You could come by and see the others…"

"I'm not sure I'm up to that just yet, she said, "I'm not ready for the questions. How about you come home for dinner?"

He pulled her close and hugged her. "Can't wait. I'll miss you,"

"Bring Bruno home. Okay?"

"Tonight. I promise."

He kissed her and then left. Sara sat down on the couch. She looked around the room and was glad to be home. She felt the nausea return and headed to the bathroom. It was going to be a long day.

"What do you mean, Bruno is gone!" yelled Grissom.

"He ran off in the park and never came back. I spent three hours looking for him," said Greg.

"Have you called the shelters in the area?" asked Grissom.

"Judy is helping me out. She's calling today and sending out fliers to all of the shelters and vets in the area."

Brass walked in and saw the two faces, "Something's wrong. Is it…"

"Bruno is gone," said Greg.

"Sara is going to have both of your hides," chuckled Brass.

Grissom sat down as his jaw twitched. _I promised. Shit!_

"Want me to put out an APB on him?" asked Brass.

Grissom and Greg looked at one another and then Brass.

"I was just kidding, you know that, right?" said Brass.

"Find Sara's dog!" demanded Grissom.

"Got it," said Greg as he muttered under his breath.

"Greg"

"She's home," said Grissom, "She wants Bruno home."

Greg smiled, "We'll find him!"

"Greg?"

"Yeah, keep this under wraps. She's not ready for visitors, just yet."

Grissom looked at Brass as he just stared at him, "What?"

"419. You don't think I just came over here to say good morning do you?" grinned Brass.

Grissom sighed_. Nice to be back._ _No time for paperwork and already a body_. He got up and started out the door when Brass stopped him.

"How's my girl?"

"She's fine."

"Let's get something straight. "I'm going to kick your … if you say "fine" in any reply to me. Got it?"

"Okay, she's home. She's still nauseous. She's dealing with everything her mother told us. She's…"

"Us? You met her mother?"

"Why don't I fill you in on the ride over there," said Grissom.

Grissom returned to the office after they were able to wrap up the site. He was tired. He had been on his knees most of the shift and suddenly he felt very old. He grumbled when he sat down in the break room drinking a cup of coffee. It was not the good stuff but he didn't mind. His head shot up when he saw Greg approaching.

"Bruno?" he asked.

"No sign of him. Listen, Grissom. This is my fault. I'll explain it to Sara. She can have my head."

"It's not necessary. I never should have sent him away," Grissom stood up and headed home. It was time to face Sara. _Stupid dog._

He stood at the door to the townhouse with his key in his hand. He felt bad. He knew she loved the dog and would be upset. As he opened the door, the smell of vegetarian lasagna filled the air.

She was standing at the counter with her arms crossed as if she had been waiting for him.

_She's wondering where Bruno is. I'm so in trouble._

"Hey Sara, it's good to smell your cooking again," he smiled as he walked into the kitchen to kiss her.

She noticed he looked tired and she could tell he had been working on his knees again by the way he walked. She knew he was in pain.

"Sara? About Bruno…" _Stupid dog_

"He's in the backyard," she said. _Smart dog_

"He's what?"

"He showed up a few hours ago." Grissom walked out to the deck as Bruno sauntered up and sat down_. Smart dog!_

Man stared at dog while dog stared at man. Sara stared at both of them.

"I think you two needs to make up while I finish up in the kitchen."

She walked away to leave man and beast to reconcile their differences.

Grissom stared at Bruno, "Good dog Bruno." The dog continued to sit on his haunches and stare at Grissom. Grissom came over and attempted to pat Bruno but he growled. _Stupid dog_

Sara leaned out and called them in for dinner. "Bruno love on daddy." The dog licked Grissom in the face before running inside

Sara smiled._ Smart dog! _

Sara asked about the office and Grissom avoided the questions. He didn't want to make the same mistake he had done that morning by insinuating she needed to be a part of the lab. When he avoided her next set of questions, she glared at him.

"Gil, you can discuss things with me, you know."

"No, actually I can't. It's confidential." She had the same hurt look on her face as she did that morning. He reached for her hand but she pulled it away and began clearing the table.

"Fine."

"No, it's not fine, Sara. I didn't mean to hurt you." He pulled her into an embrace. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"Sara, stop saying that."

"No really, it's fine. You better get back so you're not late."

He looked at her and then headed for the door but stopped.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I just don't want you to feel like you have to discuss this with me. I have enough people at work for that."

"Yes, but do they match your intellect the way I do?" she grinned.

"Never. You are my one match made in heaven," he leaned down and kissed her

"I just don't want you to feel like you have to step back into all of this immediately. It's my job but I can leave it at the office. I don't have to bring it home with me," he said.

She knew he was just trying to be protective of her and she loved him for it. She walked over and kissed him…one of those sensual kisses…one that should be immediately followed up with… his phone rang.

"Grissom," he managed to get out.

"Are you okay?" asked Greg, "How did she take it?"

"Bruno came home. He's here and I need to call you back." He closed the phone and returned the kiss. She left him breathless as she pulled away and pointed to the door. He would have to wait. As he reached the door, he saw her playing in the floor with Bruno. He was licking her as she giggled. _Lucky dog!_

"See you in the morning," she called. He smiled as he walked out. She would not see him the next morning. Grissom did not come home.


	79. Chapter 79

Note from Author:

It took me awhile to wipe off the tomatoes from my screen before being able to send this out. Yes, it was kind of mean to leave it hanging like that so I have posted an extra long chapter but this means please, please leave a review! Thanks for reading! Take care! Penny

**Chapter Seventy Nine:**

Grissom groaned as he sat down on the front porch of the house. It had been a long shift. He had not intended to pull a double. If he had known that, he never would have come in early to do that paperwork that had been piling up on his desk. The same paperwork was still there. He had gotten pulled into that 419 and then after having dinner with Sara at home, he had returned to the office only to be called out on a triple murder case.

Nick patted him on the back as he stood beside him and stretched. "Glad this is almost over. I could eat a horse. How about some dinner?"

Grissom declined, "Warrick and Greg would probably like to eat. I'm not sure they got dinner last night."

"No, we didn't," said Greg as he walked up. "I was too busy using my dinner break looking for Bruno who just happened to find his way home."

"Lucky for you," said Grissom.

"Well, I bet he's in bed with Sara…."

Warrick and Nick looked at Greg and then at Grissom. Grissom glared at Greg.

"I'm going to go wait in the vehicle," said Greg as he started to inch away.

"Sara's home?" asked Nick

"Yes," replied Grissom.

Nick and Warrick looked a bit upset. "What happened to the family theme we had going?" asked Nick. "I thought we weren't going to keep secrets."

"She hasn't been back long and she's needed some space. I think she's concerned about the questions, she'll be asked. She isn't prepared to answer them just yet," said Grissom.

"Well, you tell her, I don't have any questions but I sure as hell would like to see her," said Nick.

"Me too," said Warrick.

"I'll deliver the messages. Let's wrap this up."

Grissom walked into the lab and saw Ecklie standing at his door.

"Ecklie, if your after those reports, they're not done yet."

"I'm here to discuss filling the vacancy. If Sara has no intentions of returning then we need to fill it," said Ecklie. Grissom had been avoiding the task. Before the pregnancy, he secretly hoped she would return. Now, he wasn't sure he wanted her to return. It would be safer for her to remain at home but he knew that the decision would have to come from her. _It's too soon. She just got home. She's still adjusting to the pregnancy._

"Grissom?" asked Ecklie.

"Sorry, I'm a bit tired after finishing up a double."

"You've been pulling a lot of those lately. Glad you took a couple of days off. Now, when do you want to fill it?"

"I'll get with swing and we'll discuss it."

Ecklie didn't budge. Grissom knew he was fishing for a time frame. "Tomorrow. First thing tomorrow." He walked away. Grissom grabbed the paperwork on his desk and headed home.

She was asleep on the couch when he arrived. Bruno was sitting beside the couch and he wagged his tail. Grissom opened up the back door and let him out while he went into the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. She heard him and came to join him.

"Hard shift?" She asked.

"Just long," He said as he finished off the orange juice. He was tired. He sat down at the table and pulled out the paperwork.

"You're not thinking about doing that, are you?" she asked.

"Sara, I have to get this report done. It's overdue."

"One more day isn't going to matter. You need to sleep."

"I need to finish this and then I'll sleep."

"Can I help?" she asked.

He looked at her and knew that if he told her it was confidential, she would hit him. He was sure of it. He slid a pile over to her.

"You can put this is order of due date so I can work on the oldest stuff first."

She began flipping through the paper as he rubbed his eyes and then put on his glasses to begin working. _I love him in glasses. He's just so darn cute and professorish_. She mused at the thought.

Within a few minutes she had arranged the papers in order.

"Anything else?"

He looked at her. _She's too fast._

"You could compare the inventory list to the request for supplies and make sure it's correct. Check to make sure we're not over ordering or whether there seems to be enough supplies to get us through the next month."

"Shouldn't that be done by a secretary or something?"

"You would think but Ecklie is having us do it. He says a secretary wouldn't know what to order or how much we would need."

"Well no unless you train them." _Good point._

"Would you like a job?" He mused. She smiled.

She reviewed the inventory list and made out a list of discrepancies. She also added some things to the order request and then handed it to Grissom. He reviewed it and then smiled.

"Do you know how much time you just saved me?"

She smiled.

He finished up the last of the paperwork and with a sense of satisfaction; he put the paperwork into the briefcase. He leaned over and kissed her fully on the lips.

"Keep that up and I'll do your paperwork every day," she said.

"Keep this up and I'll have enough energy to ask you to come to bed with me each morning."

She chuckled as he pulled her towards the bedroom. Bruno sat outside door and watched as his owners disappeared into the bedroom. _Stupid master!_

She waited until he had fallen asleep to get up. She had been watching for several minutes making sure he had fallen into a deep sleep. He was exhausted even though he would not let on. He had pulled the double shifts before but she knew he had not rested in the last couple of days. He had been too worried about her. He had gotten very little sleep and she knew that it was because of her.

She slipped out of the bedroom and quietly closed the door. She spent the rest of the time cleaning the kitchen. When that was done, she turned on her computer and saw that there was email. She grinned when she saw that it was from Grissom.

_Sara,_

_You make me happy. Love Gil._

She noticed he had sent it the other morning just before leaving for work.

She sat down and sent a reply:

_Gil,_

_You make me happier. Love Sara_

She noticed another email. It was from her mother. She opened the email and read it:

_Sara,_

_I hope that you are feeling better and that I was some help to you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Love, Mom._

Sara sat there and read the words again on the screen. She hit the reply button.

_Mom,_

_I am feeling better. Gil told me why you insisted on coming to Vegas. Thank you for telling me the truth. I also want to thank you for the photos. Sara_

It was a beginning. She then shot off a few more emails. The first one was to Nick:

_Nick,_

_I've missed you. Know that I left to resolve some things with my past. Thanks for caring for Grissom while I was away. He needs someone to look after him. See you soon. Sara._

The next one was to Warrick.

_Warrick,_

_I hope you've been sleeping better. We need to talk about those sleeping pills. I've tried them and while they do help, they don't resolve the underlying problems. I'm here if you want to talk. Sara_

The next one went to Greg:

_Greggo,_

_I think I've missed you the most but don't tell the others. Thanks for taking care of Bruno. He must have known I was home since he was waiting for me when I went for my morning walk. We need to do something fun soon. Sara_

The last one went to Catherine:

_Cath,_

_Thanks for looking after Grissom. I know I must have disappointed you the way I left. I told you I would never hurt him and I did. I'm sorry. I know everyone has questions but I'm not sure I have all the answers just yet. There are so many questions I have right now that only you would be able to answer. Could we have lunch? Sara_

She closed out the email and sat down. _Brass_

She picked up the phone and called him. She had tried so many times to call before but felt ashamed for the way she left. She knew she had hurt more than just Grissom.

"I've been waiting for you to call," he said.

"I've been waiting to find the words," she whispered.

"Tell me you're okay but you better not say you're fine." He heard her smile all the way through the phone.

"I'm okay or I should say we're okay."

"Are you really?"

"I've missed you," she whispered.

"Me too, kiddo."

"Visit me soon?"

"Of course. We'll wait until the ole man is at work and then let the neighbors think we having an illicit affair."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"How was he?"

"A mess. Don't ever do that again kiddo. Okay?"

"I won't," she said.

"How…were you? I know I should have called to let you know…"

"We put an APB out on you. I was tempted to plaster your face on America's most wanted. I'm glad you called him that night."

"I'm sorry…I never meant to hurt either of you."

"Don't do it again. Okay?"

"Promise."

"You call me if you need me. Promise?"

"Promise," she hung up. She swiped at her eyes and let out her breath. She had opened the lines of communication again. It felt good.

She snuck back into bed with him and scooted up close to his body. He wrapped his arms around her and she slept.

She awoke to the front door closing. She jumped out of bed to go after him but the nausea hit her before she could reach the door. He would have to leave without a kiss. Once the nausea passed, she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She felt awful. She saw that Bruno was outside on the deck. She walked over to the kitchen counter and saw a note hanging on the fridge.

_Sara,_

_You're doing too much. You were wiped out when I woke. I couldn't bring myself to wake you. Get some rest! Bruno has been fed- still doesn't like me. You have email._

_Love, Gil_

Sara frowned. She hadn't done much of anything. She wondered how long it would take for her body to adjust to the pregnancy. She clicked on the email and there were the responses from everyone. She sat back in the chair afraid to open them. She decided it would be best if she ate something first. She took out some crackers and made some tea. She sat there and opened the first email. It was from Nick:

_Sara,_

_I've missed you. No questions- Just have lunch with me so I can see your pretty smile. Nick_

The next one was from Warrick:

_Sara, _

_After you left, I threw the sleeping pills away and decided I had better face my own ghosts. It's hard. I feel I've made a mess of my life but I'm working through it. You know we're always hardest on ourselves than others. Let's do lunch. No pitty party just lots of hugs. Warrick._

The next one was from Greg:

_Sara,_

_I knew you loved me best! Pizza and a movie soon? Greggo_

_P.S. Did you know that Bruno has a fetish for boxers?_

The last one was from Grissom:

_Sara,_

_Glad you've made contact with the others. They're more cheerful. They miss you and love you. Know that you are loved by many. More importantly, know that I've always loved you. Know that I always will. Know that I'll think of you every moment. I miss you. Love, Gil._

She immediately noticed she had not received a response from Catherine. She heard a knock at the door as she closed out the email. She opened the door to find Catherine.

"Let's talk," said Catherine.

Catherine and Sara sat on the couch drinking tea.

Sara discussed her trip to the Stanley followed by her trip to see her mother. She didn't give much detail of the actual events only that she needed to resolve some issues with her mother.

"I don't like to hand out advice when I don't know the full story but I'm going to go out on a limb here,' said Catherine. "Don't cut your mother off. I made that mistake with my father. You know he was a crook and he probably did some awful things in his life but I know he loved me and he loved Lindsey. I wish she could have gotten to spend some more time with him before he was killed."

Sara did not respond at first. Catherine could tell she was choosing her words carefully. "I wanted to talk with you about something else."

"Go for it," said Catherine.

"I wanted to talk with you about…how you felt during your first trimester when you were pregnant with Lindsey."

Catherine's eyes grew wide. She smiled and then she grabbed Sara spilling the tea on the couch. They both laughed as they cleaned up the mess.

"When did you find out?"

"When we were in Colorado."

"So Grissom did go after you. I told him he needed to..."

"I actually asked him to come when I took the pregnancy test. I was afraid it would be like last time," she said.

"But it's not, right?"

"No, everything is …Gil doesn't want me to use the word 'fine' anymore so everything is good except the nausea."

"It's a bitch. I had it for two months. I was lucky. Some women have it throughout their entire pregnancy." Sara's smile turned into a frown,

"Ginger ale and crackers. Stock up on it," said Catherine.

"I think Grissom's already done that."

"Wait. He knew you were pregnant when you left Colorado and went on to Vegas?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe he let you go. He was really…" she stopped when she saw Sara's eyes begin to mist over.

"Hey, no tears unless they're tears of joy. You can't let anything or anyone get you upset. You have to think about the baby. Got it?"

Sara nodded as Catherine squeezed her hand.

"Who else knows?"

"Just you and Brass. I wanted to wait until I'm in my next trimester but it's a couple of weeks from now."

"And you already have nausea. Not good."

Again she saw the frown and she quickly said, "Of course your body could already be getting adjusted and then there won't be any more sickness. Everyone is different. Did you ask your mom?"

Sara looked at Catherine. She hadn't even told her mother. She had to find out on her own.

"Never thought to ask," said Sara. Catherine could sense there was something there but she opted not to pry.

"If you need me for anything. You call. Night or day. Okay?"

"Okay." She saw the worried look on Sara's face.

"It's going to be okay Sara. This time it's going to be different."

Catherine insisted they go out for a veggie burger. Once they were finished eating, Catherine headed into work. Sara returned home and fell asleep on the couch. She was exhausted. She woke with a splitting headache and her back ached. She decided that it might be time for a new couch. She heard Bruno whimpering to be let out so she opened the door before rushing to the bathroom. The nausea had returned.

Grissom tried the number but received the answering machine. He had met Catherine in the hallway and she had told him of her visit with Sara. He was glad that Sara had confided in her about the baby. It would make it easier if he needed to skip out from time to time as Catherine suggested he do since she felt Sara was feeling a little under the weather.

"Did she tell you?" asked Grissom.

"No, but I know that she didn't feel well during dinner. She really has the morning sickness bad, huh?"

"Yes, she does. We thought it was getting better."

"Well, it'll pass. She just needs to make sure she drinks lots of fluids to prevent dehydration."

They groaned when they saw Brass. He held up a file, "Who wants first dibbs?"

It was going to be a long night.

Grissom checked his watch. He moaned as he stretched. They had been at the crime scene for over ten hours and now they had been dispatched to another location. He tried to call Sara but there was no signal. _Too far out, besides she's sleeping._

Sara lay in the bathroom floor. It had been a rough night. The nausea would not go away this time and her head continued to pound. She shivered again and made her way to the bed crawling into it and pulling the covers up. _He'll be home soon._

She looked at the clock and groaned. _He must be working a double. _ She tried to reach him but only received his voicemail. _He must be out of range._

She lay there and willed herself back to sleep. She woke a few hours later for another trip to the bathroom. She shivered again and decided they needed to turn the air down since it was very cold in the house. She estimated the distance to the thermostat and decided it was best just to get back into bed.

She reached for some crackers and ale but found herself back in the bathroom. She grabbed the robes hanging on the back of the door and used one as a pillow while covering up with the other. She decided it would be safer just to remain there on the floor until the nausea passed. She shivered again. She smiled when she smelled his robe. _Grissom. He'll be home soon._

**Note from author:**

I know I shouldn't leave her there on the floor but it was a good stopping place since I added a chapter or two together to give you more to read today! Please don't forget the reviews. They mean a lot. By the way, you know that there will be a little angst followed up by fluff then major angst…

Take care!

Penny


	80. Chapter 80

**Chapter Eighty:**

Grissom could hear Bruno barking at the back door. He opened the door and watched as Bruno ran to the bathroom. Grissom followed. He was alarmed when he found her on the floor. He pushed Bruno back and commanded him to sit. He obeyed.

"Sara?"

She opened her eyes and smiled. "Hi honey. Glad you're home."

"Let's get you up," he whispered. Sara stood up slowly but she could feel the nausea coming quickly. She pulled away in time.

"I'm sorry Sara," he whispered. She squeezed his hand to try to comfort him when another wave hit. Her stomach muscles were cramping and she doubled over.

"Gil, I don't feel well," she said as she felt her knees beginning to buckle underneath her. He grabbed her waist and supported her full weight. She turned to look at him. He could see the fear in her eyes. He picked her up and carried her to the bed.

"Doctor's office, now!" he said as he began pulling out clothes for her to wear. They dressed quickly while he got on the phone to her OB. When he wasn't able to reach the doctor, he decided an emergency room visit was in order.

Grissom carried Sara to the car. He rushed over to the driver's side and they were gone. He glanced at her from time to time trying to assess the problem. Every now and then she would wince at the pain in her stomach but she would try to smile at him.

By the time they reached the hospital, she was feeling better. She insisted on walking in despite his protests. Grissom signed her in and they found a corner where few people were sitting.

Sara rested her head on his shoulder. Her head was pounding. The waiting room was cool and she shivered. Grissom rubbed her arms and pulled his jacket off to place around her. He glanced at the clock on the wall and watched as the hands slowly moved around the clock.

"Gil, I think I'm going to be sick again," she whispered. He had already located the bathrooms and assisted her to the door.

"I think I better go in by myself," she pulled away and went in.

Grissom stood by the door and watched the clock. A few minutes later, she returned and the waiting began again. Sara's body ached. She wanted more than anything to lie down. Grissom pulled her back so she could lean against him while he rubbed her back. The warmth of his hands was comforting.

She felt her stomach muscles tightening again and she pulled her legs up trying to stave off the pain. Once the pain eased, Grissom was on his feet at the nurse's station. With much insistence, a nurse arrived with a wheelchair and took Sara to a room where she could lie down.

She curled up in the bed, shivering. Some blankets were brought and Grissom pulled them up around her as she closed her eyes. She was asleep within minutes. Another hour passed and finally an on call doctor arrived.

Grissom reviewed Sara's medical history with him as he checked her vitals. Sara was awakened by the stethoscope being placed on her chest. Some blood was drawn and then another ultrasound was ordered. Sara became alarmed.

"You think there's something wrong with the baby?" she asked.

"No Mrs. Grissom. We just want to make sure both of you are fine. It's just routine."

Sara lay back down. She grabbed Grissom's hand and held it tightly. She felt a wave of nausea begin to surface. She was rolled over to her side and a pan was placed beside her.

The physician pulled Grissom aside.

"Your wife has all of the symptoms of the flu virus that has been going around. I don't think it's related to the pregnancy but we're going to do an ultrasound to be sure. She's a little underweight and is probably anemic still. Her blood pressure is a concern. I'll know for certain when the blood tests are returned and the ultrasound is completed."

Grissom seemed relieved. Sara had probably picked up the virus while traveling. He checked to make sure she was still sleeping before slipping out into the hallway. He pulled out his phone and called the office.

Grissom returned to the room. Sara had been given something for the nausea and she was asleep again. He sat down in the chair next to the bed and closed his eyes. Within an hour a technician arrived to take Sara down for the ultrasound. The blood test and the ultrasound confirmed the diagnosis, the flu.

They were given more pictures although the technician reframed from giving them any information. She glanced at Sara and saw the worried look. She patted her on the arm and winked at her. Sara took that to mean it was fine. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She was then struggling with another bout of nausea and the technician was able to hand her a pan. They waited for the nausea to pass before moving her back to her room.

It was decided an overnight stay would be good to ensure that her fluids were replenished by IV. She was given a different medication for the nausea since it was apparent that the initial dosage did not work.

Sara fell asleep while the physician continued to discuss her condition with Grissom. He covered all of the issues and even insisted on making sure the physician did a thorough check up before releasing her tomorrow. There was the discussion of stress. Grissom was glad Sara had fallen asleep since he was able to inform the doctor of the last few weeks.

He pulled up the chair propping his feet up on the edge of the bed and slept. A few hours later he felt a slight nudge. He woke to see Sara looking at him.

"Go home."

"Only with you."

"Gil, they're only going to keep me overnight and then release me. I'll be fine by myself. Go home."

"Your weight is becoming an issue. I think a few runs to the smoothie place are in order once you get over this flu. How do you feel?"

"Groggy. The nausea medicine seems to be working. I haven't thrown up in a couple of hours. Perhaps I'm getting better."

"Sara, they're not going to let you go home so stopping fishing. Besides, I'm all for a night stay. Need to make sure you're better. No relapses."

"I'm actually hungry. Do you think I could eat something?" asked Sara.

Grissom paged the nurse who left but returned with some saltine crackers and ale. Grissom smirked as he handed them to Sara.

"I could have gotten these at home," pouted Sara. _Good! She's feeling better._

She ate the crackers and curled up on her side so she could watch Grissom.

"Gil, could you?" she asked.

Grissom smiled. He took her hand and began:  
When you thought I wasn't looking,  
I felt you kiss me good night,  
and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking,  
I saw tears come from your eyes,  
And I learned that sometimes things hurt,  
But it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking,  
I saw that you cared  
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking,  
I looked ...  
And wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw  
when you thought I wasn't looking.

(Author Unknown)

Grissom leaned over and kissed her hand as he gazed into those deep brown eyes brimming with tears.

"I Love you, Sara," he whispered.

"You're a romantic in hiding," she whispered.

"Only for you," he grinned.

Grissom stretched. His back hurt. The chair was not comfortable but he refused to leave. He expected to hear from the office but there were no phone calls. He wondered if Brass had caved and told the others of Sara's pregnancy. _Catherine probably had something to do with it._

Whatever the reason, he was grateful for the silence. He stood and looked out the window. She had only awakened twice during the night and each time the nausea had returned. She pulled at the IV in her sleep causing her arm to bleed. When the nurse came to fix it, Sara was given additional medicine for the nausea.

She had been resting peacefully for the last five hours. Only once or twice did she reach out in search of him. When she did, he would take her hand, kiss the palm and talk soothingly to her before watching her mouth turn upwards into a smile and drifting deeper into slumber.

There was a tap at the door and Brass stuck his head in. Grissom met him outside.

"Morning, you look like shit, Grissom," said Brass

"Morning," said Grissom.

"Any news?" He looked at the door and then back at Grissom, "How is she?"

"She can't keep anything down but she has been sleeping more comfortably. She getting plenty of fluids so there is no risk to the baby." Grissom pulled out another picture and handed it to Brass. Brass stared at the photo and smiled.

"You know, I think the little tike looks like me," said Brass. Grissom was not amused.

"How did it go last night?" asked Grissom.

"It was fine," said Brass.

Grissom looked a bit annoyed, "You know I should send out a memo banning the use or similarity to the lines 'I'm fine.' "

"Have you talked with Greg?"

"Yeah, he said he'd hang on to Bruno until he received orders from you. I think he may use that as an excuse to get to see Sara. The boy is having a fit to see her."

"I know but she needs to get over this and then they can come." Grissom saw the nurse head into the room. He peaked inside and saw that Sara was awake.

"How do you feel, sweetheart?"

"I'm hungry but I bet I know what's on the menu," moaned Sara.

Brass stuck his head in, "Steak and potatoes?"

She smiled when she saw him. "I think I would be willing to eat a steak."

"Don't let PETA hear you say that or you'll have to give back your membership card," said Grissom.

Her vitals were checked and then another IV bag was attached. The nurse checked the IV before leaving the room. Sara began to itch where the tape was holding the IV.

"Sara," warned Grissom.

'It itches," said Sara and she leaned back into the pillow. Grissom checked her chart and glanced up at Sara.

"You have a fever of 102."

'I'm feeling better. I would feel better if I could eat."

"Want a pizza?" asked Brass. He pulled out his phone and acted as if he were going to call for a delivery.

Sara smiled while Grissom frowned. "Don't encourage her."

"Any message? I'm headed to the lab and I know there are a lot of folks that want to see you," said Brass

Sara was silent. "I miss them." She said. "Tell them I miss them."

"The feeling is mutual," he bent over and kissed her on the cheek and was gone.

Sara was relieved to be back at home. She had not liked her stay at the hospital. She was even more upset that Grissom had stayed with her despite her many protests. Grissom took all of the precautions and barred anyone from coming to the house. Greg returned Bruno and managed to slip by Grissom in order to poke his head in to say hello. Sara on the other hand was thrilled to see him.

He jumped in bed with her and once he was settled in next to her, he began as if she had never left. He was caught when Grissom heard the sound of Sara's laughter. It sounded wonderful. He decided to leave the man alone. He was good for Sara. After an hour, he was booted out of the house but was told he could return in a day or two. He winked at Sara and Grissom wondered what they had planned behind his back.

"Feeling better?" asked Grissom as he stood in the doorway to the bedroom.

"Yes and you can go back to work as soon as you get some sleep." She patted the bed next to her and he grinned.

"I don't think I would get much sleep if I took you up on your offer."

"Gil, you're safe with me, really. Come."

"I'm not worried about you. I'm more worried about what I would start."

He knew he needed to get some rest before work. He came over and lay down beside her. He closed his eyes and he could feel her snuggling up close to him. He then felt her warm fingers caressing his cheek and his chest. He reached for her hand catching it swiftly only to kiss it lightly before releasing it. She smiled and closed her eyes. They were asleep within minutes.

**Note from author:**

I have been totally engrossed in another section that I haven't had time to respond to all of the reviews. That does not mean I don't care it just means I want to be sure and give you some great upcoming chapters. Please Please leave a review. It gets harder and harder to find the time to write these days but every time I see the reviews, it makes find the time! Take care! Penny


	81. Chapter 81

**Chapter Eighty One:**

"Sara are you sure you want to do this?" asked Grissom

"I think it would be good for everyone."

Sara waited until she heard the click of the door before picking up the phone. She waited for the usual message and then punched in the extension. Hodges answered immediately.

"How would you like to test out your game?" she asked.

Hodges smiled. This was going to be good.

The invitations were sent out via email. Sara sat back and smiled as she envisioned everyone back together again. It wasn't going to be just any dinner but rather dinner and a murder.

Grissom paid the delivery guy and then placed the pizzas on the counter. He looked at his watch and knew the gang would be arriving soon. He checked the fridge and saw that it had been stocked with drinks already. He then went in search of Sara. He found her in the guest room. He had found her there a lot lately and he knew that it would be a matter of time before she brought up the subject of redecorating.

The thought had already crossed his mind. In fact, ever since Sara's pregnancy had been confirmed he had found himself going to that room also. He knew that it would be a huge undertaking. For one, the furniture would need to go to storage and the walls painted. The question remained, what color?

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her gently on the neck. He could feel her smile.

"You know we need …"

"To be thinking about redecorating?" he finished.

"What color would you like pink or blue?"

"Sara, I would be happy with any color."

"Does this mean you would want to know what the baby's sex is before?"

"I would think I would go out of my mind if I had to wait. Besides, can you imagine the baby pools that Greg is going to concoct?"

"Yes I have and I plan to threaten him about one or two."

Grissom smiled. He knew that Greg was not afraid of anyone except Sara. They heard the doorbell and they looked at one another. Sara returned to the living room and braced herself. Grissom opened the door and there they were. She smiled when they rushed over to hug her leaving Grissom standing with the door open.

Hugs were given. Some longer than others. Brass didn't seem to want to let go but Grissom called for a hand in the kitchen.

"Let me help," yelled Catherine, "Sara doesn't need…"

"Need to what…" said Greg.

Catherine caught herself, "Everyone wants to catch up with Sara so she doesn't need to be stuck in a kitchen."

Sara smiled as Grissom grinned. Catherine leaned over to Grissom, "Sorry. I'll do better next time."

The doorbell rang again and Sara hurried to the door. She smiled when she saw Hodges standing there. She was surprised when he hugged her. She was even more surprised when he didn't release her. She stood there in his embrace until Grissom called out,

"Let go of my wife, Hodges."

He was a bit unnerved by the yell but Sara patted him on the back and whispered to him, "Did you bring it?"

He patted the duffle bag sitting beside him. He smiled when Wendy walked up.

"Sorry I'm a little late. I was happy that you invited me. Ronnie couldn't come. She's visiting with her folks."

Hodges followed Wendy into the living room. Sara looked at Grissom and smiled. He knew that she had purposely invited Wendy because he had mentioned the crush Hodges had on the woman.

Pizza was passed around along with drinks. Conversations floated through the air. Sara was content to sit by Grissom although Nick pulled her away to come and hear one of Greg's latest pranks. Sara laughed as Greg retold the story the way only Greg could.

She looked at her watch and then motioned for Hodges to set up the game.

"I thought we could play a game before you guys had to go to work."

"Sara, you can't be serious," said Warrick.

"Yeah, we've seen Hodges game and while it looks interesting, its no match for actual CSIs," said Nick.

"I've played it," said Grissom. The voices became hushed. "Hodges and I played it a lot when…" Grissom realized his mistake. He didn't want to be the one to bring up her departure.

Sara tensed. Grissom rubbed her back and then said, "When he changed the figures."

Hodges pulled out the figures and the gang began to laugh when they saw their own faces on the bobblehead figures.

"I even had one made for you, Sara. It wouldn't be complete unless you played." He handed her the figure and she smiled.

"Gee, Hodges. I'm speechless," said Sara. "I'm not sure if I should slug you for making me look so hideous or hug you for including me in the game."

They others chuckled as they grabbed their figures. The game was on.

In the end, the final clue was played and it was Sara who discovered the identity of the killer. It was Brass.

Wendy smiled at Hodges, "So you've now decided to pick on someone else."

"I just wanted it to be somebody they could relate to."

"So Sara, now that you're feeling better, got any plans?" asked Wendy.

"A few. I'm still trying to sort some things out but I think I might take a little while longer before I decide what I want to do."

"It's too bad that you decided not to return to the lab. The swing shift really misses you and I know that Grissom has still been interviewing for your vacant position."

Sara's face drained of all expression. _My replacement? He didn't tell me they were going to fill my position. I... of course that's what they do when someone resigns rather than take a leave of absence._

Catherine saw Grissom's face and she knew that he had just been given a death sentence.

"Sorry, to break up the party but we've got to be going. Shift starts soon and besides, Sara has entertained us enough." She nodded toward the door and the others took the hint that it was time to leave. Greg preferred to stay behind and watch Grissom squirm but he was pushed out the door by Nick and Warrick.

Once they had left, Grissom waited for Sara to say something but instead she began picking up the remaining pizza boxes and cola cans. He watched as she cleaned up the living room and then the kitchen. He watched as she purposely did not make eye contact with him. He watched as she strolled out to the deck and called Bruno.

He then watched as she sat down on the couch with dog sitting beside her and thumbed through the latest edition of Forensic Science. When he could stand the silence no longer, he strolled over to the couch intending to sit beside her but watched as Sara commanded Bruno to stand guard. And he did. _Stupid dog!_

He stood there willing her to look at him but she refused.

"Sara, talk to me," he begged.

'Why didn't you tell me that you were going to fill my position?"

"You resigned. You said…"

"I was sick of death. I remember. I still am. It would have been nice to have been advised of the decision. I thought I might have been listed as on leave or something."

"You resigned. You didn't ask for a leave. I would have made sure you got one."

"I know," she said quietly. "I don't know why it bothers me. I don't want to return. I don't think so anyway. Not right now. Not with getting used to the pregnancy and ..."

"And what?"

"Living without ghosts," she said. "I've never had that until now."

"Do what makes you happy, Sara. I'll support you in any decision you make." _I'll worry about you every second that you're on the job carrying our child but I'll support you._

"Sometimes I miss the work."

"We've been interviewing for a week with few prospects."

"Just promise me you'll hire a man or a very ugly woman. Not some young girl out of college who might get a crush on the supervisor."

He sat down beside her and pulled her into an embrace and kissed her. "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned, especially when she has a dog."

She laughed. Her laughter made his desire rise. He loved to hear her laugh. He knew that with each laugh there would be a smile followed by the deepening of those brown eyes. He turned and took possession of her lips fully. She groaned with desire as he practically pulled her into his lap. "If you give me one of those kisses that…"

She had already done it and before it had ended, they were already pulling and tugging at their clothing. "Gil, you have to be at work…"

"I have work here to do first…"

**Note from author:**

Such a nice place to stop, I couldn't resist. Sigh! Now, go give a review. Prepare yourselves. It's going back to angst. The fluff has been making me sneeze! Take care!

Penny


	82. Chapter 82

**Chapter Eighty Two:**

"What do you mean he's not coming home?" demanded Sara.

Brass held the phone out from his ear. _If he wasn't so sick I would kick his ass. _"Sara, he's sick and he doesn't want to be around you right now. He's taking precautions…"

The phone clicked. Brass looked at Grissom. The poor man had been vomiting since he came to work. _The flu. _

It had spread through the lab quickly. No one suspected Sara since she had recovered a couple of weeks ago. Ronnie had been the prime suspect since she had returned from a visit with her parents. Her father had taken ill while in Vegas and was later diagnosed with the culprit. Unfortunately, Ronnie seemed to be the carrier. While she felt under the weather, she continued to work several days before succumbing to the effects. She then passed it on to Wendy followed by Hodges and then Warrick.

It had stopped there until this past week when Nick and Greg had fallen prey. Catherine and Grissom were the last. Now, Grissom had it. Catherine stood in the doorway as Brass continued to sit with Grissom. It had been an hour since he had called Sara and he anticipated hearing from her any moment.

"Gil, she's going to come after you."

"Don't let her in the building," said Grissom. He closed his eyes to fight off the nausea.

_Don't puke. Don't puke. Don't…_ Brass turned away as Grissom emptied his stomach into the trash can.

"Grissom, come and stay at my place," offered Catherine.

"You and Lindsey might catch it."

"I'll quarantine you in the bedroom."

"I don't think I can move right now. I'll just lay here for awhile and then it'll get better. It will be better if I stayed…"

"Like hell!" said Sara as she walked into the office.

Brass looked at Grissom, "I told you so."

"Stay back!" demanded Grissom.

"Gilbert Grissom, you're coming home now. This minute…"

Grissom leaned over and vomited again. Sara stepped back. "Okay, take a minute and then we'll get you loaded up."

Brass smirked. "My money is on Sara. I would listen to her Gil."

Grissom closed his eyes as another wave hit. She was there beside him instantly. She felt his forehead, "You're burning up. You can't stay here."

"Sara, you might catch it again," he moaned.

"I've had every shot imaginable now. Even if someone walked in with malaria, I would be f…okay."

He smiled when she chose not to use the "fine" word.

Ecklie came by and tapped on the door. "Grissom, go home before you infect the rest of us. Willows, you need to get with the swing shift and go through that list of candidates, we need some help here fast. People are dropping like…"

"Bees!" Exclaimed Sara.

Ecklie looked at her strange, "I was thinking of flies."

"I forgot to tell Gil that I did the research report on the bees for this month."

"Thanks Sara," said Grissom as he grimaced.

"You wouldn't be interested in coming back?" asked Ecklie.

There it was the question. Sara started to answer but then closed her mouth. "I need to get him home." She extended her hand and with Jim's help, Grissom was on his feet.

"I'll follow you guys home to make sure he gets into bed," said Brass.

Within an hour, Grissom was tucked into bed and given ginger ale. Sara took great satisfaction handing him a glass along with some medicine. "You like this don't you?" he said.

"That you're sick? No; that you have to drink ale, yes. Oh yes," said Sara.

Grissom grinned and then closed his eyes. He was asleep within minutes. Sara walked into the living room where Brass was waiting.

"He's asleep."

"So, are you going to answer Ecklie's question?" asked Brass.

"I think I'll wait until Gil is feeling better and then we'll discuss it again."

"Okay but listen," he held her hand, "do what makes you..."

"Happy," finished Sara. "Grissom told me the same thing."

"What can I say? The boy is taking pointers from me."

He left leaving Sara to return to the bedroom where she sat with a magazine and watched as Grissom slept. The hours turned into days as Grissom slowly began to recover. He still had a fever but at least the nausea had subsided.

Catherine had still managed to avoid the pesty germ. She only hoped that Ecklie would be the next target. She had gotten good at spraying each room with Lysol before entering. Ecklie was in fits trying to cover both shifts.

"I'll find out Grissom's recommendation. He's already reviewed the resumes," said Catherine to Ecklie.

"Get a name and then get it to me by the end of the shift," he yelled.

Catherine leaned back in her chair. She didn't like the idea of bothering Grissom but they needed to put in a recommendation. She picked up the phone and called.

"Sara, I'm sorry but I need to talk with Grissom about the new hire," said Catherine.

Sara took the phone to Grissom.

"Griss, I hate to bother you but Ecklie is on my ass for your recommendation on the new hire."

Grissom glanced at his brief case. He had wanted to review the resumes one more time even though there was one person who appeared at the top of the list. He knew that who ever took the position would most likely quit anyway. Swing was having a difficult time keeping bodies. The old supervisor had not helped. He had tried to talk Catherine into applying for the position but she despised the swing shift.

"Patrick Williams," said Grissom. Sara's head popped up from the other side of the bed. _It couldn't be! It can't be the same Patrick Williams I know…_

"Gil, I need to talk…," said Sara quickly. Grissom was already rushing to the bathroom. He shut the door and locked it.

Sara picked up the phone he left behind. "Cath, he's sick again. Could we get back with you?"

"I have to give Ecklie a name by the end of the shift or he's going to have my head," said Catherine.

"I promise, I'll call you back."

Sara opened the briefcase and pulled out the resumes. She thumbed through the papers until the name caught her eye. She pulled out the resume and scanned the contents. Her stomach lurched. _It's him! They can't hire him! I need to talk with Gil. _She listened as Grissom continued to be sick. She then heard the shower turn on. _I can't bother him right now. He's got enough on his mind. How do I stop Ecklie from hiring the man?_

Sara waited until Grissom returned to bed. He looked pale and was shivering. She handed him a glass of water along with nausea medicine. He took it and then reached for her. She curled up next to him to give him warmth.

"Gil?"

He was asleep again. She sat there for awhile trying to come up with an answer. She needed to talk with him but she also knew he needed rest. She decided to take matters into her own hands.

She took the phone into the living room as she closed the bedroom door.

"Ecklie, I thought about your question. Could I have my job back?"

Ecklie smiled. He needed her. "If I rehire you, do I have your word that you're not going to just up and quit again?"

"I may need some time off later for medical reasons," she said.

"Fine. As long as you have medical proof, I don't mind giving you the leave. When can you start?"

"Next week?" she asked.

"Sara, I need you now."

"I can't start right now, Gil is still sick. I'll start as soon as he's better."

"I need you to start in two days."

Sara bit her lower lip. She didn't like the idea of leaving Grissom alone sick but she also didn't want Williams to be hired.

"I'll start on Friday."

"Good."

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"If you quit again, this isn't going to look good in your file and you can probably kiss your career goodbye."

"I'll be there on Friday."

"Welcome back."

The phone clicked. Sara sat down on the couch and stared at the resume. She ripped it up and threw it on the floor. _There was no way she was going to let the man that raped her work in the lab!_

Ecklie hung up the phone and resumed completing the paperwork on Mr. Williams. He chuckled to himself. He had just filled the new supervisor position for the swing shift as well as gotten Sara Grissom to return. The swing shift was looking better.

**Note from author:**

I've been warning you about the angst. Now give me a review so we can move on to the next chapter…

Take care!

Penny


	83. Chapter 83

**Chapter Eighty Three: **

"What do you mean you told Ecklie you'd take your job back?" demanded Grissom. He tried to sit up but Sara pushed him back down.

"Gil, stay in bed," she said.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked.

"I'm sure. It's going to be okay. I warned Ecklie I would need to take medical leave at some point. I just didn't tell him the reason."

"Why didn't you wait to discuss this with me? Don't get me wrong Sara, I wouldn't have objected but at least we could have talked through it."

"You were sick and Ecklie was desperate."

"When do you start?"

"Today," she whispered.

He pulled her close and he felt the tension in her body. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I'll fall back into the routine enough. It will probably be good for me to get out of the house."

"Don't push yourself. You've just gotten over the morning sickness and have actually started to gain weight.."

"I know you didn't just use the "w" word." She teased.

"Sara, you're filling out in all the right places." A shade of red crept upon his face and she chuckled.

"I'll call you during the shift to check on you. Okay?"

"I'll be okay."

She kissed him and headed out the door. When she arrived there were flowers sitting on her desk. She smiled when she noticed they were from the guys. She picked up the files sitting on her desk and scanned through them. _Five minutes on the job and I already have cases._

She heard Ecklie call her name and she came to stand with the others in the hallway.

"I want all of you to meet your new supervisor. He's going to be starting today."

Sara watched as Patrick Williams walked out of the supervisor's office. Sara dropped the files onto the floor as she stared at the man that had raped her.

"Sara?"

She tried to compose herself as she scrambled to pick up the files. He reached down picking up a file and handed it to her. She glared at him but it didn't seem to bother him.

"How've you been?"

Sara did not reply.

Ecklie watched the two. "Mrs. Grissom is returning to work today. She's been gone awhile. Her husband is Gil Grissom, the night supervisor."

"Congratulations. He's a very luck man," said Patrick as he extended his hand. Sara refused to take it.

Ecklie became upset, "Sara…"

"Flu virus is going around. We wouldn't want to be spreading germs now, would we?" asked Sara.

"Sara's husband is recovering from the flu," added Ecklie. He was relieved when Patrick did not seem to take offense.

"Well, let's go into my office and we can discuss the assignments for the day."

Sara bolted. She ran to the women's room as fast as her legs would take her. She could hear Ecklie calling after her. Once there she ran into the stall and locked the door. She sat there trying to catch her breath but she felt as though she was suffocating. _What have I done? What have I done? I can't work with him. I can't stand to be around him. I think I'm going to be sick…_

"Sara?" called Catherine. "Are you okay? Ecklie sent me in here after you. He said you took off."

Sara came out of the stall and stared at Catherine. "I can't work for that man. I can't do it."

"Who are you talking about? Williams?"

"Yes."

"He seems like a nice enough man. He reminds me a little of Grissom"

"He's nothing like Grissom! He never was!"

"You know him?"

Sara closed her eyes as she felt the nausea return. _Shit!_

She returned to the stall. Catherine waited by the door. "I think you should have given yourself some more time."

"I told Ecklie I would start today."

"You're sick."

"I've made a huge mistake. I can't work with him. I won't."

"You two have a history?" she asked.

"NO! Yes. I hate him," Sara tried to catch her breath.

"Sara, you can't get upset like this. Get a hold of yourself."

Catherine was right. Sara knew it. She took a deep breath and looked into the mirror. _This is our lab. Not his. He can't just come in here and think no one is going to see through him._

"I'm fine," Sara said. She looked at Catherine.

"I won't tell Grissom you said the "f" word. Okay?"

Sara gave a small smile. Sara arched her back and headed into Williams office. She stood in the doorway as the assignments were passed out.

"Good that you could join us Sara. Since you're not feeling well today, why don't you just stay in the lab and brief yourself on those files I sat on your desk?"

"Fine," she said. _Just stay away from me._

The others filed out as Sara made a retreat to her desk. He called after her and she stopped.

"Sara, could I see you for a moment?"

Panic spread over Sara's body at the thought of being in the same room with him. Ecklie stood down the hall, arms crossed watching Sara. _Shit!_

She returned to his office and stood across from his desk.

"Have a seat," he gestured.

"I'll stand."

"Sara, this is awkward for both of us. I didn't know that I would be supervising you. The last I heard you had quit." Sara's head shot up. _How did you know that? _He cleared his throat, "I wouldn't have applied for the job if I had known."

"Does this mean you're going to resign?"

"No, I can't. I've already relocated."

"I'll pay moving expenses."

He grinned. "I've missed your candor. I've also missed your smile."

Sara glared at him. She wanted to smack the grin off his face. _What have I gotten myself into_

"Look. The past is the past. I'm glad you're married. I always thought that you deserved to be happy. I won't bring up the past if you won't. We'll forget it ever happened. Okay?"

"Forget? You think I can forget what you did to me? I trusted you. I …"

"I couldn't have a relationship with you, Sara. I never even thought about the consequences of taking the supervisor position. I know I waited a long time to tell you how I really felt about you. It killed me when our relationship ended."

"We had no relationship! You …" the words stuck in her throat.

"I loved you. It drove me crazy when I had to leave. It took me a long time to get over you but I did. I moved on and now I can see that you did the same thing."

"You're incapable of love. I can't work with you."

"I made mistakes in the past and I've lived with them. I lost you. It hurt like hell. I'm not here to cause you any problems. I know we can work through this. I'll make sure we don't have any assignments together. I'll give you whatever cases you want."

"I don't want you here in the lab!"

"I wish I could make this easier on you. I don't like to see you upset. I'm sorry I ever hurt you. I just want you to be happy."

"Don't you ever say that to me!"

"It's true," he whispered. "I'm willing to try. Please Sara. I hate to see you upset."

"Then leave!"

His jaw twitched as he stared at her. She stalked out of the room. Sara hurried to her desk and sat down. Her hands were trembling. She picked up a file and tried to concentrate but his very presence unnerved her. She jumped when she heard the phone ring.

"Sidle-Grissom"

"Using both names now?" Asked Grissom

"I uhm…how are you feeling?"

"I was wondering the same thing about you. Sara, are you okay?" he asked. _No I'm not. I want to come home. I need you. I don't want to be here with him._

"I'm f…okay."

"How's the new supervisor? I thought you would like him. I recommended him." Sara felt a large lump in her throat. She felt the tears welling up.

"Sara? Honey, are you okay?"

"I uhm… I have some new files already that I need to look at. I better get back to work."

"Sara! What's wrong?"

Sara closed her eyes and tried to calm her voice. _He's still sick. He doesn't need this. I've given him enough to worry about. _

"I'm fine, Gil. I miss you." _The "f" word. I knew it!_

"Come home, Sara. I don't like the sound of your voice. Honey, what's wrong?"

"I uhm…its just hormones, Gil. This pregnancy thing is playing havoc with my emotions. I can get teary eyed over the least little thing."

Grissom didn't buy it. He knew that she was upset. "I'm feeling better. I've already called in and told them I would be coming in next shift. I could meet you for dinner?"

"It's okay. Stay home and rest. I've got to go. Love you," she hung up before he could protest.

Sara picked up the files and began reading them. They were a good distraction. She checked on the lab results on two of the cases and then began sifting through the evidence in the other three. When she glanced up at the clock she noticed that a few hours had gone by. She returned to her desk to find him waiting for her. _Grissom_

He smiled when she walked up and he kissed her fully on the lips. He didn't care who was around to see the show of the affection. He just needed to love her.

"I'm worried about you," he whispered.

"I know."

"You want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Not here."

He looked at her and tried to assess the problem. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Gil, we're f…okay."

"You look tired."

"I haven't had my naps today. I don't I permitted to sleep on the job," she smiled. It was a forced smile and he caught it immediately.

"Come to dinner with me at the diner."

"I'm not hungry."

His look changed her mind. Grissom placed his hand in the small of her back as he walked with her down the hall. The warmth of his hand made her skin tingle. She wanted to crawl into his arms right then and there. He slowly caressed her back as they walked. She looked at him and smiled. It was no longer a forced smile and it made him feel better.

Patrick stood watching the exchange between the two. He clenched his fist as his jaw twitched. _So this is Gil Grissom._

They sat in the car holding hands. Grissom waited for her to speak but she had been silent since they left. He waited for her to look at him but she kept her eyes on her lap.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"You barely ate and now this silence. What's wrong?"

"I'm not ready to talk about it. I really need to get back to work." She started to get out but he pulled her back.

"After shift when you get home. A session. I won't take no for an answer."

She turned and looked at him. He could see the tears pooling in her eyes. He leaned over and kissed her tenderly. "I'll walk you in."

They started to get out and then he stopped. "You know you can tell me anything. Right? Remember those vows? Till…" he didn't say it. He didn't want to remind her of death.

"I know," she smiled as she leaned over and kissed him, "A session, this evening. I promise."

He walked her back to her desk and then stood there for a moment as she opened a file and began working. He didn't want to leave. There was a voice inside his brain telling him to let her get back to work but the voice within his heart told him to stay with her.

She glanced up one more time and then motioned for him to go. It was his cue and he knew he needed to listen to her but he didn't like it. He walked away slowly hoping that she would call him back and praying with each step that she would be alright. He managed to get halfway down the hall before turning to look in her direction. She was gone. _She's working on a case. She's back in work mode. Why do I have this awful feeling. _

It was the same feeling he had when he had read the letter. It was that inner voice telling him she wasn't okay. He whirled around intending to search for her when he heard a voice calling his name. It was the new supervisor, Patrick Williams.

"Gil Grissom?"

"Yes."

"I'm Patrick Williams. I think we need to talk."

**Note from author:**

Yes, I know. You want to read more. I hope you're enjoying this section. I know its angst but we can't always have fluff. Besides, we needed to get this issue out of the way. Take care! Penny


	84. Chapter 84

**Chapter Eighty Four:**

Grissom looked at him and then glanced back down the hall. He walked into the office and sat down. Williams sat across the desk.

"There's no easy way to tell you this but I think I upset your wife this morning."

"How?" said Grissom.

"I knew Sara in San Francisco. We were involved." The words hung in the air. _What the hell does 'involved' mean?_

Grissom made no expression. He sat and stared at the man. Patrick Williams was younger than him but not much. He was well educated and had quite an impressive work record. It seemed a bit odd that he had not moved up in the ranks and Grissom took it to mean he had disliked the bureaucracy as much as Grissom.

Williams waited for Grissom to respond but when he didn't, he continued. "I loved Sara very much. She was a bit distrustful at first but once we began working together, she made the long hours and low pay scale worth it. It wasn't until the promotion came up that we had a falling out. I took a job that placed Sara under my supervision. As you know that is against company policy." A slight expression crossed Grissom's face but then faded. Patrick took note of the change in expression but continued.

"When I tried to explain it to her… it hurt her very deeply Mr. Grissom. I was a fool back then. I should have passed up the promotion. If I had to do it over again, I would." Grissom could sense a bit of emotion in the man's voice but her cleared his throat and coughed to cover it.

"It's in the past. I want only the best for Sara. If there is anything I can do to make it easier on her then I'll do it short of resigning. She asked me to do just that this morning. I've just relocated here. I hope that you can speak with her and let her know I'll do anything to make it easy for her, for both of us."

Grissom sat there taking in his words. He suddenly didn't like the man. He wasn't sure if it was because of the implication that he and Sara had a previous relationship or… The thought of Sara making love to him repulsed Grissom. He never had to face anything like this before. He knew that she had other lovers before although they had never spoken about it but he just assumed. To have one right here in front of him in his lab, was just too much.

"Thank you for your concern but I don't think we need to be discussing this. I'll support any decision Sara makes. I trust my wife implicitly." And with that he walked out. Sara stood in the hallway as she watched Grissom leave Williams' office. She wanted to call out to him but was fearful of the look she might see in his eyes. At that moment, Grissom turned and their eyes met. _Hurt. I see hurt in his eyes. _

She wanted to go to him but Williams came and stood at his door. He looked at her and she sat down with her back to both of them. Grissom walked away. He ignored Nick's call as he hurried out the door. He slammed the car door and sat there. _Hurt! I saw hurt in her eyes. _

Sara was relieved when the shift ended. She grabbed her things and headed out the door. She looked in the rear view mirror and for a moment she thought he was following her. She slammed on the brakes and insisted on the car behind her to pass.

When it did, she felt quite foolish when another man wheeled the car past her. _Get a hold of yourself Sara. He's not going to follow you to find out where you live. Shit! He has my personnel file. He already knows._

Sara didn't realize she had been driving around aimlessly until she found herself on the freeway. She checked her watch and knew that Grissom would be worried. She took the shortest route home. He was waiting for her when she opened the door. She could tell he had been pacing and his face was flushed.

"I took a drive."

"I was worried. I thought you had..."

"Taken off again?" _No I thought you might be with him_

"I talked with Williams."

"I know."

"I have to know, Sara. Were you involved?"

How was she going to tell him? She had been searching for the words and she suddenly felt like fleeing. She took a step back and for a moment Grissom thought that she might bolt. Instead, she looked at him pleadingly and he opened his arms as she fell into them. He felt the tears on his shirt. He berated himself for pouncing on her the moment she had opened the door but Williams's words had haunted him all day.

He made her sit while he placed dinner on the table. They sat and ate in silence. He noted the amount of food she had eaten and when she started to pull away from the table, he grabbed her arm forcing her to sit.

"This is not healthy for you or the baby. You've barely eaten anything."

Sara looked at her plate and she knew he was right. She couldn't get the knots out of her stomach and she knew that if she ate much more she would only lose it in the bathroom.

"I'll eat some more later. I promise. I just need to try to keep this down."

"You got sick again, didn't you?"

She placed her plate in the oven and then leaned up against the counter. He knew that she was crying although she tried not to show it. He felt the anger build inside of him but he wasn't sure why. But then he knew. He was jealous. He was not used to this emotion. It had only reared its ugly head a few times in his life. He attributed all of those times to Sara and…Hank.

In the end, he knew that Hank had not meant anything to Sara. He knew that even when he cheated on her, it had not brought tears but this time it was different. This time she was visibly upset. _What if she never got over him? _Grissom recalled the emotion in Patrick's voice and knew the man still cared for her. _Shit! He had even used the word love. _

Grissom had loved her for years and it was only in the last two years that he had been able to use the word. His chest was pounding and already he knew that his blood pressure had risen. Gil Grissom was about to enter unchartered waters and he wasn't sure if he would be able to keep his head above water if she confessed she still loved the man. His voice was harsh and he wanted to take the words back as soon they spilled forth as they hung in the air. "Sara, Now!"

She whirled around to look at him and she knew that he was upset. _What did he tell you? You believe him and you haven't even asked me. _

"Now tell me what happened between the two of you."

"What did he tell you?"

"He told me you two were involved and then he took a promotion which led to a falling out. He told me he regretted taking the promotion." _Why did I tell her that?_

Sara swiped at the tears on her face before stepping away from Grissom. _It's happening again. _

Her reaction hurt him. _Do you still have feelings for him? Sara? I know you don't just love casually, you love for…life. She's still in love with him!_

She turned away and walked to the living room leaving Grissom standing there. He closed his eyes from the pain. _Hell! I wasn't prepared for this. What if she loves him more than me? What if? _

He walked into the living room and sat down in the chair avoiding his usual spot on the couch next to her. She felt him distancing himself from her and she felt the tears welling in her eyes again.

"Do you love him?" he asked.

"No!" she cried. He closed his eyes as relief flooded over his body. "Talk to me, Sara."

"We worked together in the San Francisco unit for less than a year. He had been waiting for Jesse, my old supervisor to retire. I was new and was just learning the ropes and he took me under his wing. He taught me a lot."

"I was reluctant to really socialize with anyone outside of the office because I kept to myself except for a few close girlfriends. I wasn't into dating. After a few months of being out in the field and working double shifts, I began to …trust him." She sniffled.

"We shared everything. He knew about my past and well I knew about his. We both came from crappy backgrounds. We worked really well together. We had the best solve record in the lab. He came over before work or after to have a drink or just to unwind. We often carpooled together. We were partners. I cared a lot about him. I really did but then things changed."

"What kind of things?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. The moment I heard about your upcoming lecture, I began researching anything and everything about Gilbert Grissom. I often told him about your accomplishments and breakthroughs in the field of forensics. When I told him I was interested in your lecture, he was a bit upset. I would realize later that it was jealousy." _Good!_

"I'm afraid after I attended the lecture and met you; I spoke about you all the time. He really changed then. He became obsessed with moving up. When the supervisor position became available, he took it. I was happy for him. He was a good mentor and I knew he would make a great supervisor. Then one night I told him I wanted to relocate to Vegas. This was during the time we were corresponding through emails."

"I remember. I sharpened up my typing skills sending off those emails to you. We sent quite a bit to one another."

"I know so did he. He would drop me off after work and I would rush to the computer to see if I had received an email from you."

"But you didn't return my emails after a while."

"I know," she whispered. "He knew that I was going to leave eventually but he wanted me to stay there in San Francisco with him."

Grissom looked at her perplexed, "But he didn't stay there himself. I remember his resume. He left after three months. He took another supervisory position in Alameda County."

Sara pulled her legs up and hugged them tight to her body, "He did that after…"

"After what, Sara?" She looked at him and then he knew. She didn't even have to say it. He knew.

**Note from author:**

Thanks so much for the great reviews! I have been trying to post after twenty or more reviews so the quicker you post the sooner I can post. Incentive enough? I know its blackmail but give the girl a big fat review and make her happy as well as yourself! The comments have been priceless. Don't worry GSR always and of course there are lots of chapters with the gang and the baby news is sprinkled here and there. I have already written the delivery. Darn! I let that slip….While I haven't been able to respond to everyone, know that I read every SINGLE one! Take care! Penny


	85. Chapter 85

**Chapter Eighty Five:**

He recalled the day she had come home and fallen on her knees into his embrace and confessed to him about the rape. He was immediately on his feet and beside her. He grabbed her into his arms as she sobbed. "I'm sorry, Sara. I'm slow about these things. God, Sara. I'm sorry." He rocked her as she cried. _I'm going to kill him._

"You're not going back!" He managed to get out.

"I have to!"

"No! You don't. You don't have to work. I'm not letting that bastard near you."

"If I quit, then no one is going to hire me again. It's going in my permanent record. Ecklie said so."

"I'll talk with Ecklie. I'm not letting you near the man."

"You think Ecklie will believe me?"

"He'll have to. Sara, I have to know…did you file…"

"No." She felt his body tense. _Why? He raped you! He took something that wasn't his to take.. wait..._

"You have to tell me everything. I need to know…"

Sara jumped up and glared at him, "If I had a history of bringing men home and sleeping with them? You need to know if I encouraged him? If I had sex with him before? You have to know if I .."

"Stop it! That's not what I mean. I need to know what kind of spin he's going to put on the actual events. We need to be prepared for his version and be prepared to prove him wrong."

The anger melted away and she was left standing there in tears, "I'm sorry Gil, I let him get away with it. I let him violate me and never bothered to…"

She fled. He watched as she grabbed the car keys and headed toward the door. He was there in an instant. "Sara?" Her name on his lips made her stop. He took the keys from her hand and she stood there looking at him. He made a move towards her and she stepped back. He stopped and once again, he whispered softly this time, "Sara?"

She let him hold her. He waited until she calmed down before breaking the contact.

"It can wait," he said, he started to guide her to the couch but she didn't move. He stopped when he heard her speak.

"We had been working separately for the past couple of weeks. He had been pairing me up with other workers. I didn't mind. I thought we needed the space. He had been pretty upset about something. I wasn't sure what it was. I was too naïve to realize he was jealous over you. We got slammed one night. We ended up working a triple together. Everything fell right back into place. The easiness of it. We were comfortable with one another. We knew each other's style."

"He got angry at me at the end of the shift and for the life of me I didn't know why. I drove home and got ready for bed. Shortly afterwards he arrived on my doorstep. He was upset and I could smell alcohol on his breath. I had never seen him so upset before. I tried to get him to tell me what was wrong but he just sat on the couch with his head in his hands. He told me he had made a big mistake."

"He said he never should have taken the position. He grabbed my hand and he held it to his face while he cried. I didn't know what to make of it. I had never seen him so lost. I… remember holding him. I tried to comfort him. It was then that he turned and kissed me. I immediately jumped up. He was suddenly on his feet and he told me he loved me. He had always loved me." _He was too late. I was almost too late. _

"He tried to hold me but I backed away. I told him I didn't feel the same. I liked him as a friend, a mentor. He became upset and then pulled me into his arms trying to kiss me again but I shoved him back. He told me I did love him and that I was just upset about the promotion. He said he would fix it, he would fix everything." _I couldn't fix it. We kept it a secret. _

"I had no clue what he was talking about and then it dawned on me that he had wanted to have a relationship with me but he was now my boss and that was against policy. I told him we would always be friends. The title did not change that but he told me he wanted more. He had to have more and I said no. I said no Grissom. I told him I was already putting feelers out to come to Vegas or the surrounding area." _You were? You loved me even back then? I loved you too._

She remained standing during the whole thing. He was afraid to move for fear she would stop talking or worse, she would run again.

"I contacted you later," he added. _I wished you had told me back then. I would have come to San Francisco. _

"It was after he… he had left by then and I put it behind me." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "He seemed completely devastated when he knew that I was really planning on leaving. He stepped back and sat down on the couch. I turned away and went into the kitchen to get a drink of water and try to let him cool down. It was then that I heard the click of the barrel."

Grissom clenched his teeth but he tried to show no emotion. She closed her eyes and continued, "I turned around and the gun was pointed at his temple. I panicked. He was the closest thing I had to family. I ran over and begged him to give me the gun but he wouldn't. I saw him cock the gun and then I was on my knees in front of him begging him to stop. I begged him not to leave me. I told him I would do anything. I just wanted him to stop." _Bastard!_

"He asked me if I loved him and I… said yes." She opened her eyes and looked at Grissom.

"I just wanted him to give me the gun. I needed for him to give me the gun."

"You wanted to save him, Sara. It's okay. You did the right thing."

"He put the gun down but then he was on top of me and for a moment, I didn't struggle. I thought he's going to calm down and stop but then he was pulling at my clothes and I felt bile rising into my throat as I began to scream at him to stop. I pushed on his chest but he held my hands down and then I felt his other hand all over my body.. God Grissom." She swallowed hard as if she was going to be sick but she continued.

"I only had a gown on and it was so easy for him to… at one point he looked at me. I begged him again to stop. He pulled the gun up and laid it beside my head. He told me to shoot him. I actually reached for it when he …when I felt him inside me. I screamed but his mouth soon covered mine." She was sobbing now between the words.

Grissom grabbed her protectively into his embrace. He felt their tears as she finished what she had to tell him.

"He rolled off me when he was done and for a moment I thought death is better than this. I wanted to die. I reached for the gun and it was at my head before I even knew it." _Did she say her head…God, Sara what did he do to you? I'm going to kill him._

**Note from author:**

Thanks for the reviews. I read every one of them and they were great! Some of you already want to kill Patrick Williams. Peggy47 caught the switch I did on William Petersen's initials (WP for PW Patrick Williams) Some of you catch everything! Continue with the reviews! Take care! Penny


	86. Chapter 86

**Chapter Eighty Six:**

Her words echoed in his head as his brain tried to comprehend their meaning. He could not imagine Sara doing such a thing. She had endured so much in the past with her father and yet she had not once contemplated suicide. Patrick Williams had done more harm to Sara than her father had. Grissom was sure of that. He felt her pain and he wanted to kill the man.

He had seen thousands of crime scenes in his lifetime and knew that he had the skill to kill a person and ensure the body would never be found. For a moment he let his brain consider the possibility. Never would he have ever dreamed he would be capable of such thoughts until now. He wanted Patrick Williams to suffer. He wanted him dead. It was Sara's voice that brought him back.

"He slapped it out of my hand and pulled me into his arms. He told me it was going to be fine. He said the "f" word. It's been fine ever since." They just stood there. It was Grissom who made the first move but she backed away from his advance. She fled to the bathroom slamming the door behind her. He stood there unable to move.

He didn't know if he would be strong enough to help her through this. The vision that she painted with her words played again and again in his head and he felt the urge to leave the house and not return until the man was dead. He needed to be dead. Grissom needed him to be dead.

His primary concern returned to Sara. She needed him. He came and stood there by the door. Perhaps his love would be enough to bring her out of this hell he had asked her to recall. He was also concerned about the stress and its effect on the baby.

Somehow he needed her to calm down. _How do I tell her that? How do I tell her thanks for sharing and by the way you're risking our baby's health and give her more guilt if anything should happen…_He quickly pushed the thought out of his mind.

He tapped on the door but she did not respond. He waited for a moment but then he saw the steam pouring from the underneath the door. He knew that she was crying. He could hear her sobs.

"Sara?" He tried the door and was relieved to find it unlocked. He stepped into the room and tried to see through the steam that floated in the air. _There's too much steam…hell!_

He grabbed a towel while he tore open the shower curtain and turned off the hot water. He placed the towel around her and pulled her out of the tub. They sat there in the floor while she cried. He quickly ran his hands over her body checking for burns. "I can still smell him on me, Gil. I can't get it off. I can't get him off me. God, why did he have to come here? Why couldn't he stay buried." _He's not dead…yet_

"Sara, I'm sorry he hurt you. He'll never hurt you again. He took your trust and used it against you. I'm sorry. You can't do this. You can't let it upset you. It's over. You have to think about the baby. Sara!" She suddenly stopped crying and swiped at her tears.

"I'm sorry Gil. I wasn't thinking. I would never do anything to…"

He kissed her. "I know, Sara. I know. Let's get you up." He stood up first pulling her up beside him. He noticed that she refused to make eye contact with him and his heart ached. _Guilt I've made her feel guilty! Shit! _He pulled a robe around her body and then made her sit on the bed while he looked at the red blotches on her body. _Thank God, there's no burns._

"Lie down with me," he whispered. He pulled her up into the bed and held her. He swiped at his own tears and tried to calm himself. He pulled her up closely to his body. He had not realized how tight until she gently told him. He apologized but could not seem to release her much so she just let him hold her. "Sara you know I don't blame you for anything that happened. It wasn't your fault. This doesn't change anything between us."

"But I let him get away with it. Don't you want to know why I did?" _Hell yes! I want to know but not now. I've pushed you enough. _

Neither spoke for several minutes. Sara sniffled as she began her story again.

"He put a blanket around me and made me sit on the couch. He put the gun away and told me to never do that again. He said he never meant to hurt me. He checked my body for injuries and even kissed me when I flinched. He heard the key to the door and my roommate stepped in. He then began telling me how sorry he was that I had wanted a relationship with him but now his new position changed all that."

"I looked at him like he was crazy. I then realized he was covering his tracks. He was making it sound like we had just made love and he was comforting me; that it couldn't be anything more. I was numb. Here was my roommate standing there while I'm on the couch half dressed and he is acting like we were …lovers. She bought it. She excused herself and actually left saying she would come back later."

"He told me we could work this out and to hell with company policy. He intended to have me and they were not going to stop him. He told me he would let me rest and then he would be back later. He left. I started to call the police and then laughed. Who's going to believe me? He'd been there before. Sometimes even late at night. Some people at the lab even thought we were a couple already. I didn't care about the rumors because that's all they were. There was nothing between us but friendship. We even kidded one another like.."

"You and Nick?"

"Yeah."

"Even my roommate left him with me and there I was half naked with a blanket, sobbing and there he stood over me but she thought it was just one lover being jilted by another. It hurt. It really hurt. I showered and then I left. I drove for hours. I didn't even know how long I had been driving until I was pulled over by the police."

"Where were you going?"

"To Vegas…to you." He held her tightly and kissed her. "I loved you even then. I don't know why. I just loved you. I think it was why I didn't pull the trigger when I…"

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever done anything like that since?"

'Yes…" He closed his eyes and fought off the anger rising in him. _He did this. She went through hell with her family but he drove her to…I'm going to kill him_

"Promise you won't ever do that again?"

"Promise," she whispered.

She was quiet for awhile and he thought that she had fallen asleep when she began to talk again, "My roommate called him and asked about me. She told him I had left without saying anything. They put an APB out on me and the state police pulled me over. They told me I was supposed to return with them to my apartment for questioning. I thought that perhaps he had confessed but when I walked into the apartment, he rushed over and hugged me as if I was some suicidal jilted lover. I tried to get away from him but one of the officers grabbed my arm. I recognized the officers. They were friends of ours. My own friends, Gil. I thought to myself 'they are going to hand me back over to him and he's going to do it again.' Jesse was even there."

"Your old supervisor?"

"Yes. He was a sweet old man. They called him when I went missing because I had listed him as next of kin. He meant a lot to me. They said they were there for an intervention. Patrick told them I had run away intent to harm myself because he had ended the relationship. I couldn't believe how they all believed him even my roommate. Melissa kept telling me that Patrick loved me and had never intended to hurt me."

She sniffled and he could tell that she had been quietly crying. "Sara, that's enough for one day. Let's not talk about it anymore."

"No, you need to know all of it. The officers left as well as Jesse. I was there with him and Melissa. She offered to leave us alone and I thought this is it. Just as she left, Jesse returned. He said he wanted to talk with me alone. Patrick went nuts. He said I had been through enough and he just wanted to put me to bed."

"I began laughing hysterically at that point. It was almost funny in a sick way. 'put me to bed.' He wanted to…"

She took a gulp of air and then continued.

"Jesse told him he would come back in the morning and left. I knew then that I would rather be dead than go through that again. Once I realized we were alone, I ran for my revolver. There we were standing there with our guns aimed at each other. He lowered his and told me to shoot. I cocked the gun and he then walked straight up to me but I couldn't pull the trigger. I couldn't shoot him."

"You loved him," said Grissom.

"God help me. I loved him," she choked. _I know_

**Note from author:**

The reviews have been absolutely wonderful. I know we all want Patrick dead. Grissom certainly does. Please continue to give reviews and I promise to release another chapter or two. They mean a lot. Take care! Penny


	87. Chapter 87

**Chapter Eighty Seven:**

"You loved him like you do Nick didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I…"

'It's okay Sara. What happened next?"

"I fell to my knees sobbing. He went into the kitchen to get some water. The whole time he kept telling me it was going to be fine. I then pulled the gun up and… fired. I didn't miss. It was empty. He had taken the bullets out. I kept pulling the trigger and I couldn't find a single shell in the chamber. He came over and snatched the gun out of my hand. He again told me it was going to be fine."

"He said he didn't mean to do it. He just loved me so much. Jesse started banging on the door then and I scrambled to let him in. Patrick hadn't bothered to lock the door and Jesse rushed in tackling Patrick to the floor. He asked me if Patrick had raped me and I said yes. Patrick was immediately on the defensive and denied it. Jesse ordered him to leave. He then had me pack a suitcase and took me home with him."

"The next day, he rescinded his retirement and they gave him back his job with the condition that Patrick would be transferred to Alameda County. Patrick didn't give up. He drove by my apartment all the time and would be seen in restaurants and parks where I frequented. Jesse finally threatened to get him fired and arrested for stalking. He eventually stopped."

"Jesse talked with me about filing charges but Patrick had formed a lot of friendships in the police department and he knew that it would eventually be his word against mine. He knew that I was in no position emotionally to go through an administrative hearing so he took care of it. He made sure Williams left me alone." _I need to find that man and thank him._

"Jesse made me go to counseling. He even went with me a few times to make sure I was going. After a few months, I stopped the counseling on my own. It seemed I had other issues that I wasn't prepared to resolve just yet. You know the rest. You called me to come and help out and Jesse urged me to go. He said it would be best if I left the area. I think he kept an eye on Patrick for me. I just know that Jesse made me feel safe again."

"Do you feel safe with me?" he asked.

"I did." The past tense made his heart hurt. _I'm going to kill him._

"I'm afraid for you, "she whispered. "He never liked you."

"Sara, you don't have to worry about me," he said. "He's not going to hurt any of us." He pulled her up close and waited until she was asleep before calling Brass.

"I need you over here now!" said Grissom through clenched teeth.

"Ten minutes."

"Bring a bottle." The last statement took Brass by surprise. He swung by a liquor store and purchased a bottle of scotch before arriving at the doorstep.

His blood pressure rose when he saw Grissom's face.

"What happened? Is Sara okay?"

"She's asleep. I need your help."

Grissom grabbed the bottle and walked into the kitchen pouring two drinks. He had emptied his glass before Brass could take a drink.

"Blood pressure's rising here. Tell me what happened."

Grissom sat and spilled it out to Brass. He was seething by the time he had finished.

"What the hell do you plan to do?" asked Brass.

"I'm going to kill him." The statement was plain and simple.

"Not unless I get to him first. You have a family to think about."

"I'm not letting her go back."

"Damn right."

"I need you to do a background check on Williams. All the dirt you can find. I'll need it to convince Ecklie to get rid of him."

"Done. Is she going to be okay?" Grissom didn't answer. Brass swore.

"Why now? We had just gotten through the past and now this. I've worried about the stress. She's worried about her career. I don't want to force her to quit but she can't be near that man. I don't trust him. I won't trust him not where Sara is concerned."

"Keep her home for a couple of days. Once she's had time to think, she'll realize its best to stay clear of the lab until he's out of there. What do you plan to do?"

"I'm going to kill him." Brass was beginning to believe him.

"Have another drink."

Grissom downed another glass.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay away from him. He may try to set you up. He's on your turf and he's going to try to discredit you or Sara. I'll put some feelers out and keep an eye on him."

He called in sick. He was a partial lie. He wanted to be with her that night. He wasn't sure if he needed her more than she needed him. He only knew that he wasn't about to go back to work just yet. If he did, he would kill him. He was sure of it. He never thought he could ever feel that way until Sara. He had hurt Sara. His Sara.

By the time Brass was ready to leave, he had downed three glasses. Brass took the bottle and poured it out. Grissom set the alarm that night and even placed his gun near the bedside table. For an instant, he glanced at her and wondered how it must have felt for her to place the gun to her own head and pull the trigger. The man had broken her in spirit and body. He cursed under his breath.

As he headed to the bathroom, he heard her stir and for a moment he heard the name and it made him freeze. He turned to watch as she fought him in her dreams. He quickly walked over and woke her up. She pulled at his shirt and he tried to still her hands but she was pleading with him. "I want to feel you, Gil. Not him. You. Please."

The "please" was his undoing. He quickly stripped himself of his clothing and took her into his arms. He kissed her gently on the cheek followed by her neck as she moaned underneath him. He felt her slipping underneath him and positioning herself as he tenderly left a trail of kisses down her neck and onto her breasts.

She pulled his head up and kissed him urgently. It was a deep kiss but suddenly she was pushing him away and begging him to stop. He tried to calm her but she pulled herself into a sitting position in the bed holding her legs with her arms and sobbing.

"Sara?" He reached for her but she recoiled. He tried again and this time she was hitting him with her fists as he yelled, "Sara!" Her head jerked up and she whispered, "Grissom?" He clicked on the light and he saw the stark terror in her eyes.

"It's me, honey."

"The scotch… he drank scotch that night. I could smell and taste it on his…"

He held her while he cursed. He had intended to rinse the alcohol from his mouth before he came to bed so she would not know that the night's events had driven him to drink but then her dream had alarmed him.

"I'm sorry Sara. Brass and I had a drink earlier."

She leaned back in the bed. He kissed her on the forehead and then excused himself. He later returned from the bathroom and joined her in bed.

"Can I hold you?" he asked.

She felt guilty that he would even have to ask such a thing but she had reverted to a timid broken woman in just a few hours. She hated herself. She switched off the light and then cuddled up close to him. She pulled him down for a kiss. His kiss was soft and feathery but when he tried to pull away, she urged him for more. When she deepened the kiss, he again tried to pull away and she released him only to try to pull him back into his original position but he refused.

"Gil, please. Don't punish me by…"

"Never," he said hoarsely, "I don't want to hurt you, Sara. You've been hurt enough."

"Love me then," she pleaded. He positioned himself holding his weight with his arms and kissed her urgently. He waited for her to make the initial contact. She pulled herself up to match his body and then she looked straight into his eyes when he let himself go. She arched to meet his thrust and for a moment they became one. When their breathing slowed, she begged him again. He kissed her lovingly and continued. He would do anything for her.

It was supposed to be a joyful day. Sara had completely forgotten about the OB appointment that had been scheduled weeks ago. The reminder was sitting there on the computer screen when she came into the kitchen.

"I think this is good timing," he said. He kissed her on the forehead as he headed to the kitchen.

"How about some omelets this morning?"

She smiled. He cooked more than she did. He loved to cook while she loved to watch. It was a routine they had started months ago. He resumed when she had returned as if she had never left. She watched as he prepared their breakfast. _I wonder if he regrets the choices he made. He's been through so much. Till death… _she wondered if he regretted those vows. There had been more sadness of late than happiness but she would gladly walk through hell for a single moment with him.

He caught her watching him and he smiled. "Too soon to find out about that color scheme?" When she didn't answer, he turned to look at her. "Sara?"

"I'm sorry. I was thinking about our wedding."

"Good. That's a happy thought."

"Back to my question. Color scheme? Too soon to find out?"

"Perhaps. I think it has to cooperate on the ultrasound."

"We'll hope it cooperates then. Are you excited?"

He knew that the previous day's events had tarnished this day and again he felt the urge to kill the man.

"I'm a little worried."

"Sara, it's going to be fine."

"You said the "f" word." She grinned.

"I know. How about I treat you to a smoothie in the mall afterwards?"

She smiled. "I love you Gilbert Grissom."

"I love you Sara Grissom."

**Note from Author:**

Thanks so much for the reviews. I have snickered over some of the comments. I think its unanimous that the readers want to kill Patrick…Keep reading and please please leave those reviews. I do read every one. I only respond to a few since that way it gives me more time to write. I have given some clues about upcoming chapters such as (not in order) Christmas party, return to desert, death of a CSI agent, Lady Heather and birth of baby Grissom. So, now that you know some of the things that are coming up, I hope you will continue to read and enjoy! Take care! Penny


	88. Chapter 88

**Chapter Eighty Eight:**

He called in sick for her leaving a message with Judy and then with Ecklie. He then requested a meeting with Ecklie in private as soon as possible. He checked with Brass who was slowly getting a detailed background check on Patrick Williams and promised to share with him as soon as it was available.

They held hands in the mall as she drank her smoothie while grinning at Grissom. He had been ecstatic over the news of the baby's sex but they decided to keep it a secret. They would share the pregnancy announcement with the gang but the rest they would keep to themselves.

As they strolled down the mall window shopping, they came across a baby boutique. Sara pulled him inside and began looking at the many cribs and bassinets. He held up a baby outfit and she grinned. "Wrong color and sex." "Then we'll have to have another one."

She grinned. She was thankful for just this one. By late afternoon they had returned home. Catherine had left messages.

"I think she remembered we were going today," said Sara.

"Do you want to call her?"

"How about we meet everyone at the diner for dinner?" asked Sara.

"That can be arranged," Grissom picked up the phone as Sara grabbed Bruno's leash and headed out the door.

She closed the door but Grissom followed. "Let me go with you. I think I can walk and talk at the same time."

She chuckled as he tried to keep up. He leaned on the bench while he watched Sara play with Bruno. She had made this walk every day for two years but suddenly he didn't think it was safe anymore. He found himself skewering the perimeter. She glanced up a few times and flashed her smile in his direction. It had been a good day. She had managed to put the past behind her for the moment and it had just been a family day. She took a break from playing with Bruno and watched as Grissom watched a bee land on some nearby flowers.

"You think its one of ours?" she asked.

He smiled at the gesture. "Sorry, I seem to be looking for bees these days whenever I'm out. My research is going so well." A butterfly floated by them and Grissom smiled at her.

"The baby book says that's what I should be feeling by now," said Sara softly.

Grissom didn't understand. She smiled at him and explained, "The baby's first movements feel like that of a butterfly fluttering in your tummy."

"I have that every time I look at you," he said.

She smiled and kissed him. Her face turned serious. "I know the doctor said everything is fine but I still would like to feel that."

"You will, Sara. Be patient," he chided.

She jumped up and began playing with Bruno. His thoughts turned to the gang and he grinned. He was actually excited about telling the others and was glad when Catherine offered to round up the gang.

He watched her run with Bruno and he chuckled when she managed to outfox him by running behind a tree. He looked across the park and there Patrick sat in his car watching Sara. Grissom's blood boiled. He slid off the bench and headed straight for him. When he approached the car, Patrick started to drive away but another car blocked him. It was an undercover police car.

Grissom walked up to the vehicle and leaned down, "Don't you ever come near Sara. You got it?"

"I didn't even know she was here. I live a few blocks away. I didn't mean any harm by it, really."

The uniformed officer walked up to the car and motioned for Grissom to step aside. Grissom looked over his shoulder and Brass pulled up. The uniformed officer took out his pad and began documenting the stop.

"I thought I told you to stay clear of him?" snarled Brass.

"He was watching her. He's not going to stalk her, Jim. I won't have her looking over her shoulder."

"She won't have to. I have someone on him at all times," said Brass.

Grissom looked up the hill and Sara was walking towards them. Brass slapped him on the back and laughed. "Just tell her we were talking about dinner this evening. Get her back home. We don't want her upset on her special day, do we?"

Grissom grinned and took off. He caught up with her and turned her back. She looked over her shoulder and waved at Brass who threw up his hand.

When they arrived at the house, Grissom ordered her to take a nap. She didn't object. She was tired. He locked the door and set the alarm. She looked at him and he just smiled. She knew he was taking extra precautions. They used to only set the alarm at night but today he did it every time they were home. She promised to do the same.

Their seats were reserved at the diner and Grissom made a point to be a little late so that the others would already be seated by the time they arrived. They looked at them and smiled.

"I think it was a great idea to celebrate Sara's return to work," said Nick.

"Yeah, like she works one day and then plays hooky the next," said Warrick.

Sara glanced at Grissom who squeezed her hand. "We had a doctor's appointment this morning which is why Sara did not come in."

"Is everything okay?" asked Greg.

"It's…"

"Don't say 'fine'" said Brass, "Didn't you get the email from Grissom banning the use of that word?"

Sara turned and smiled, "I was going to say everything is great."

She looked at Grissom and nudged him, "What Sara is leaving up to me to say is that we're going to have a baby. She is now officially in her second trimester and don't ask us what its going to be. We're not going to tell."

"Wait! You mean you know but you're not going to tell us?" asked Catherine.

"That's right," said Grissom as he kissed Sara's hand.

"Baby pools!" declared Greg.

"We need to talk about that Greggo," warned Sara.

Nick and Warrick chuckled. "Sara is going to kill him before this baby is delivered."

There were hugs and kisses and then food. Sara noticed she was famished and Grissom was glad to see her finish off her plate and then nibbled some on his. He watched her smile and he was glad. There had been too much sadness. She leaned over and kissed him and he pulled her closer.

"I love you Sara," he whispered. She smiled at him. It had been a really good day.

Grissom sat in the chair as he watched Sara going through her email. He knew that he would have to go in tonight but Brass assured him an undercover police officer would be outside. Brass had left a cryptic message that he was looking forward to the meeting with Grissom. _Good. He's completed the background check on Patrick._

"Keep the alarm on. If you need anything, you call me."

Sara turned and looked over her shoulder, "We need to talk about tomorrow. Gil, I have to go into work."

"Let me talk with Ecklie first."

He kissed her and then left. He waited outside the door until he heard the alarm being set. _Good girl!_

Brass was waiting outside Grissom's office when he arrived. They locked the door as Brass handed Grissom the folder.

"Give it to me in condensed form," said Grissom.

"He was stopped and detained once or twice after he was sent to the county office. He voluntarily entered a sexual assault class and completed the six month program. By the way, he completed the program nine years in a row. He's been clean as a whistle. He's received several commendations at the county office. Impressive solve record."

Grissom frowned. _I know he's good. I've seen his work_

"Note this; he's been in private counseling for the last nine years. It seems his old supervisor, Jesse Carter, was keeping tabs on him and putting the information in a separate personnel file which he sent when I started making inquiries." _I need to meet this man, Jesse._

Grissom looked over his glasses, "The voluntary counseling may suggest he has a conscious."

Brass looked at Grissom, "I think he's about to fall off the wagon."

"What makes you say that?" asked Grissom.

"He stopped his counseling and didn't sign up for the last sexual offender class. He visited the hospital when Sara was recovering from the abduction." Grissom leaned closer.

"He got a parking ticket at the hospital. He also signed the security guest register in order to be on the floor." Grissom looked at Brass, "I took it upon myself to require everyone sign in for security purposes. I wasn't sure Natalie was working alone."

"He flashed his badge and was able to get on the floor. I'm not sure if he ever got into her room. I think you would have seen him if he did since you rarely left. That is until she kicked you out of her room," Brass chuckled.

Grissom's eyes met Brass. "He's been watching Sara for some time."

"He got another parking ticket here in Vegas a couple of months ago. Guess what day?"

Grissom shrugged.

"The day you guys got married. He was here in town. He went back into counseling for awhile. It seems this was during the period when Sara left town. He was back here when Sara had the miscarriage. I ran a hunch and they located him on the surveillance cameras. I don't know if you're aware of it but he purchased a house on the next block. He's practically your neighbor."

"He's been stalking her and we didn't even know it."

"Look, any good attorney can put a spin on this information but you and I both know the man is up to no good."

"We need to talk with Ecklie."

"The sooner the better."

Grissom and Brass headed to Ecklie's office. They stopped when they saw Patrick walk out of Ecklie's office. Ecklie looked at Grissom. "We need to talk about some things."

"That's why we're here. I'm not sure why Mr. Williams is," said Grissom.

"I want to get everything out in the open," said Williams.

Ecklie motioned for everyone to come into the office. Brass and Grissom sat facing Williams. Ecklie cleared his throat. "Gentlemen, Williams has confessed to some things."

Grissom glanced at Brass. Brass sat at the edge of his seat ready to pull Grissom from Williams if the need arose. He had a feeling it would come to that.

**Note from author:**

I've really enjoyed the comments. Some made me chuckle. I'm not sure everyone likes Lady Heather. It is an interesting chapter… Anyway, give a review so we can move on to the next chapter. Now, some of you have been asking if a major character is going to die- I never kill off the main characters! Never! So proceed and for those you stop in and just read, please please leave a review! Thanks, Penny


	89. Chapter 89

**Chapter Eighty Nine:**

"Confession is a bit late don't you think?" said Grissom.

"I want to set the record straight. I did something really horrible to Sara. I got drunk and took advantage of her."

"You raped her," said Brass. Grissom was glad that Brass spoke up. He was still having trouble formulating the words out loud without wanting to kill the man.

"It wasn't rape. I was never charged and if I had been, I wouldn't have been convicted. I did however, hurt her. I loved her very much and honestly I always will. I screwed up and I made a mess of things. I chased her away. No matter how hard I tried to fix it, the damage had been done and the best thing to do was let her go so I did. Out of guilt, I committed myself for the last nine years to a sexual offender program. It even helped me with my solve record."

"I think you have more insight than any class could teach," said Grissom.

Williams looked directly at Grissom, "As long as I knew she was okay and happy, then I could live with what happened but then I heard about the abduction and I needed to know that Sara was okay so I came here to see for myself. She wasn't. She ran much like she did that day when I convinced them to put out an APB on her to make sure she wouldn't…she was okay."

"I then came to Vegas to purchase a home since I decided to relocate here. I'll admit I wanted to see Sara from a distance only. I haven't tried to stalk her or cause her any problems. I just want her to be happy, nothing more. When she saw me the other day, I could see that I had upset her quite a bit. I really didn't know she had returned to work. I thought I could come here..."

"And watch her like a peeping tom. You need help," said Brass.

"It's not like that. I've been in counseling for nine years. I will sign any release to have those records available to you. I do not mean to harm Sara in any way. I do know that I was really worried about her after our encounter. That's the reason I drove to the park. I needed to clear my head. It shocked me as much as her to come face to face again after all these years. Hell, I didn't even know she was there in the park until I saw her and then you guys showed up."

"Why not pick another department in another city?" asked Grissom.

"Yeah like New York where CSI get killed all the time," added Brass.

"I came here because this is the second best lab in the country. I won't lie to you and say I didn't want to be near Sara to make sure she's okay," said Patrick as he looked Grissom in the eye. _It's your fault she left. You let that damn miniature killer get too close and it almost cost Sara her life. _

"Are you in counseling now? Perhaps you need to join our sexual offender group. We can even add your DNA to the system," snarled Grissom.

"Wait, both of you was at the park?" asked Ecklie as he looked at Grissom and Brass.

"If he comes within hundred yards of Sara we'll know it," said Brass.

"I won't have Sara stalked. If you come near her..." glared Grissom. Brass leaned forward even more trying to block Grissom's path to Patrick. He fought back the overwhelming urge to slug the man himself.

"He's going to have to if he's going to supervise Sara," said Ecklie.

"Then she's not coming back," said Grissom.

"Look, Ill make sure I don't go out on any calls with her. I won't place her in a position where she'll be alone with me," said Williams.

"Do you think I'm going to trust you with my wife?" asked Grissom. _My Sara! Not yours! You'll never touch her again!_

"No, but I know that Sara loves her job and eventually she's going to resent not working. Look, if you want to move her to another shift then do it. Just don't take her from what she loves," said Williams

"You know nothing about Sara," sneered Grissom.

"Perhaps but I do know that you have to let her make her own decisions or she's going to resent you for it. Don't screw up the way I did," said Patrick.

"I don't need advice from a rapist. That's what you are. You can put any slant on it that you want or try to justify it in your mind but that is exactly what you are. You know it, Sara knows it and I sure as hell am never going to let you get near her!" shouted Grissom.

"Look I didn't come here to make trouble. I see how happy she is. God knows, she deserves it. She's been through hell. I'll do whatever it takes to make this work. Just tell me," said Williams.

"Then resign. Leave town," said Grissom.

"I can't do that. I'm committed here," said Williams

"Sara does not need this stress right now. What's it going to be Ecklie?"

Ecklie looked at the three sitting in his office. He didn't much trust Williams but he also knew he needed personnel.

"I think we can work this out. Perhaps Sara could float between shifts. She works faster than most of the CSIs."

Grissom cut in, "Sara is not going to be pulling doubles. I won't have her working around the clock like she did before."

"Gil, you know there are times we have to work doubles. Sara never had a problem before."

"Sara's pregnant," said Grissom. Brass looked for Williams's expression but he showed none.

"Okay, I wasn't aware of that. I hope that this time around…"

"She's in her second trimester. We'll get a doctor statement or whatever you need but Sara is not going to work the same hours as she did before."

"Fine. I'll look at the schedule and work something out. She'll still be under Williams's supervision but I'll have Willows review all disciplinary or evaluations to ensure they are fair. I think we can make this work."

Grissom was furious and Brass knew it.

"If he crosses the line just once, you'll have mine and Sara's resignation on your desk," said Grissom. Ecklie fidgeted. He was not prepared for that ultimatum.

Ecklie glanced at Williams. _They were probably both drunk. Sara's had a problem in the past with drinking. _He didn't like it but he also knew the swing shift was dragging the department down and already it was slipping in the ranks. He wouldn't have that, not while he was in charge. Besides, it would not look good for him.

"I assure you, I have only best intentions here. I'll stay clear of her. I give you my word," said Williams.

Grissom and Brass left. Brass tried to catch up with Grissom but he was upset. He eventually grabbed his arm and he stopped.

"I won't let that bastard hurt Sara. I have guys all willing to volunteer to keep an eye on Williams," said Brass.

"Great, so Sara has to keep looking over her shoulder. I don't like this," said Grissom.

"The guys will be watching too. You have to tell them you know," said Brass.

"Sara isn't going to like her personal life spread through this building. It was bad enough when she had to deal with the stares after the abduction but now she's coming back after leaving and now this."

"Drink?"

"No!" yelled Grissom as the memories of the other night came back to him. He knew that Brass was only trying to help but now he was going to have to tell Sara that she would have to quit or work with her rapist. He clenched his fists and stormed down the hall.

The others stood and watched as he slammed the door to his office. Something was wrong. It was not like Grissom to be visibly upset. He had often told them that there was no room for emotion in their jobs. Today, Grissom made the exception.

He looked at the schedule Ecklie had proposed. Sara would work part of the swing shift into his shift effectively only placing her in Williams shift for half of the time. He still didn't like it. He knew however that it was better than nothing and he would see her.

He could watch her and know that she was okay. He picked up the phone and started to call but then thought that it might be best to tell her in person. He looked at the clock and wondered what she was doing.

Catherine was relieved when Brass sent word for them to meet at the diner. She had already convinced the guys that another intervention was needed but nothing so drastic was needed this time or so they thought. Although Grissom refused, Brass dragged him along telling him that it was best if he told them. He did. They were not prepared.

**Note from author:**

I know I am posting another really chapter soon but it was a request. A rather nicely done request if I say so myself. I am leaving the rest of you who have yet to comment on the last chapter to be on your honor and leave two reviews so don't disappoint me. Someone has asked for a happier chapter and yes they are coming. Some are humorous despite Patrick! Take care! Penny

P.S

For the Lady Heather haters out there, the chapter is done in great taste-would I ever split up this pair that I absolutely love? Perhaps I do have them go through lots of angst but I think the angst is harder on the readers than the characters! LOL


	90. Chapter 90

**Chapter Ninety:**

They were silent for awhile until Grissom cleared his throat, "If Sara decides to continue working, we'll need your help." He then proceeded to tell them Ecklie's proposal. Nick was furious.

"Has anyone done a background check on this guy?" said Nick.

Brass pulled out the notes from his pocket and rattled off the details. This only made them angrier.

"You mean to tell me, that after you gave that info to Ecklie in a report, he still kept Williams?" asked Warrick.

"I'm afraid so," said Brass.

"Griss, I'm not sure I would want Sara to come back," said Catherine. "She was pretty upset that day in the bathroom after she discovered he had been given the supervisor position. Poor girl was sick."

Grissom jerked his head up and glared at Catherine, "She asked me not to tell you. She didn't want you to worry."

"Perhaps we need to convince Sara not to come back just yet," said Nick.

"Nicky, it has to be her decision. We'll need to support whatever decision she makes," said Grissom. "If she returns, she'll be working with us part of her shift. It's the first part that 's got me worried. Anything can happen during that time." said Grissom.

"She shouldn't have to work with this guy," yelled Nick.

"I can't believe Ecklie would keep him on. Why not give him the boot now so we don't have to get rid of him ourselves," said Warrick. Nick and Warrick nodded their heads at one another.

"We're not playing by his rules. We're going to do everything by the book. He'll mess up and when he does, we'll get him," said Brass.

Grissom was silent. Greg looked at Grissom. "You're just going to let her work with this guy?"

"I don't have a choice. The decision has to be hers."

"She seemed so happy the other day," commented Catherine.

"She's not going to let him get to her. She knows she can't afford to be upset right now," said Grissom.

"Well, I can come in early to keep an eye on her. I don't have to be on the clock," said Greg. Grissom smiled.

"Count me in," said Warrick.

"I think we need to take this guy out and…"

"Nick, that won't accomplish anything," said Brass. "Besides, if it did, we would have already done it."

Nick started to get up but Grissom grabbed him by the arm. "Nicky?"

"Yeah?"

"I think she would probably like a visit from you."

"Does she know?"

"Not yet. I didn't want to tell her over the phone," said Grissom.

"Tell me what?" asked Sara. He whirled around and she was standing there behind them. She looked at their faces and she knew that Grissom had told them. He saw the hurt cross her face before watching her walk away. Grissom jumped up and ran after her.

He reached her in the parking lot. "Sara!"

"Why? Why did you tell them?"

"Because they love you. Their family and they need to know what this guy is like."

"I don't like it. I don't like seeing the pity..."

"Its not pity Sara. They're mad as hell. When one of us hurts, we all hurt. That's family. We share in the good and the bad, Sara."

"What did Ecklie say?"

"Williams is still supervisor. He has offered to let you only work part of that shift and work the rest of the time with us. Catherine would review all of the disciplinary and reviews that Williams does. He's still your supervisor. How sick a twist is that."

She laughed softly, "You know the only reason I took my old job back was to try to keep Patrick from being hired. Now, I have him for a supervisor."

"It's your decision, if you don't want to go back then don't. Sara, say the word and we can both resign."

"You're not giving up your job because of him. It's not fair."

"It's not fair that you should have to either," he said.

"What do you think?" she asked. _I think you should quit. I think I'm worried I'm going to lose you. I think I will go crazy with worry about you and the baby..._

"Do what makes you happy," he said.

"You make me happy," she whispered.

"I think we better get back in there. I know they're a bit upset." Grissom led Sara back into the diner. She scooted in next to Nick and he grabbed her hand and held it. Greg seemed a bit quiet until she looked at him and said, "So Greggo, how is the baby pool coming along?"

This made him smile and he began giving the details of the latest bets. Sara looked at Grissom and shook her head. Catherine chuckled.

"Well, just remember, you have to answer to Sara," warned Grissom.

Suddenly Sara grabbed Grissom's arm and he felt her body stiffen. He looked at her and he could see her eyes widen.

"Sara! What's wrong?"

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" asked Nick.

She smiled at Grissom and then kissed him fully on the lips and said one word "Butterflies."

Grissom gave her a puzzled look and then grinned, "Butterflies?"

"Oh yes!"

The guys looked at one another.

"I think this is code talk again," said Warrick. "Hey, I thought we agreed there would be no more of that?"

"I think I know what it means," smiled Catherine.

"Okay, Willows. Spill it," said Brass.

"You want to tell them?" asked Catherine to Sara.

"I felt the baby for the first time! It feels like butterflies in my stomach!"

"No, that's just probably the meatloaf," said Greg. The others chuckled as Sara continued to beam.

"I feel butterflies," she said again.

Grissom pulled her close and kissed her. Nick pulled her back over to his side, "You can have her at home."

"I'm happy for you darling," said Nick and he kissed her on the cheek.

"Toast!" said Catherine.

They lifted their soda glasses and tapped them together as Warrick yelled, "Here's to family."

Sara pulled Grissom's plate over and began eating. He grinned. Her appetite was improving.

**Note from author:**

Okay so some late night reading because well we need a happy chapter. Please, please review and give comments. Take care! Penny


	91. Chapter 91

**Chapter Ninety One:**

Sara walked into the office and began going through her mail. Once they had gotten home, they sat and talked at length. It was a long session. She knew he was worried about her but she had decided she was tired of letting her past control her future. She had decided she was going to take back her life even if she had to face Williams every day. She ran over to the lab and reviewed the lab results from the cases that were on her case log.

Once that was completed she began pulling out evidence from the previous night's murder case that had been assigned to swing. Within a few hours, she had completed the work and began searching the case log trying to update the information.

Ronnie came in and she helped Sara go through the evidence of a case they had just received. _Twelve questions within a span of thirty minutes. She has eight more and then I'm pulling the plug. _She looked at the assignment board and noticed that she was not listed to go out into the field for the next week. She checked her email and found a note from Williams.

_Sara,_

_I am not assigning you to the field with the swing shift for the remainder of this week. Please assist the others with the logging in of evidence. With your approval, you will be sent out into the field next week. If this is not acceptable, please notify me by email. Ronnie is doing well but she needs help with follow up. It would be helpful if you could show her how to track her cases. _

_Thanks_

_Patrick._

Sara sat back. She looked around and saw that the others in the unit were out on a call. She decided to review Ronnie's case listing. She rolled her eyes at the number of cases in pending status. It seemed that she had not been tracking her cases by computer. Sara spent the next hour correcting the log and then proceeded to review the entire unit's log. By the end of the shift, she had successfully updated the log and sent a copy to each CSI along with a copy to Patrick.

She headed to the break room in search of a snack and smiled when she found a package sitting on the table addressed to her. _Grissom_

She sat down and began eating the grapes. Nick came in and sat down beside her. "I've been looking for you."

"I needed a snack. Grissom must have had this delivered or something. Have some," she said between munches.

"You know, I think you've eaten more in the last few weeks than I've ever seen you eat," said Nick.

"Is that supposed to be an insult? If it is, let go of my grapes," she said.

"I just mean… are you going to start getting all cranky on us?" he teased.

"Just don't make comments about my weight," she said.

"Grissom was pretty happy the other night. You make him happy, Sara. He's really excited about this baby,"

Sara smirked, "He can't wait to feel the baby move. I swear he keeps his hands on my stomach the whole time we're in bed."

"What's so funny?" asked Grissom

"You and your obsession with Sara's stomach," grinned Nick.

Grissom frowned at Sara, "I think you're taking this family thing a little too far."

"Thanks for the fruit, hon." said Sara.

"You're welcome," he said as he leaned down and kissed her.

"How did today go?" asked Grissom as he sat down across from her.

"Good. I'm not going to be assigned to the field until next week so I updated everyone's case log," said Sara as she pulled some of her grapes back from Nick.

"You did all of them?" asked Nick.

"Yep."

"Speed demon," grinned Nick.

"Wanna do ours?" asked Grissom.

"I needed something to keep me busy."

Brass showed up with a file in his hand, "I've got something to keep you busy."

Grissom looked at Sara, "Shall we my dear?"

Sara smiled and grabbed a couple of apples before heading out with Grissom. Nick smiled at Brass, "It's good to see them together again."

Sara smiled as she watched Grissom take command of the crime scene. She stood by the Denali and watched as he went into work mode and began barking out orders to the others. Sara walked around to the back to get out her field kit but he had already beaten her to the door. He reached in and picked up both kits.

"Gil, I can carry that."

"I've got them."

"No, you don't. This is silly." She began tugging on the kit until he let go. She marched off toward the house. The body was located in the kitchen but as she neared the front step Grissom blocked her path.

"You get the outside perimeter."

"I can take the inside."

"I know you can but…"

"Good let's get it done." She left him standing there on the front step but he didn't give up. He beat her to the door and stood in front of it.

"As the supervisor on sight, I am ordering you to take the perimeter."

"As your pissed off wife, I'm ordering you to step aside or else," she leaned over and whispered into his ear. Grissom stepped aside. Sara smiled and walked in.

Warrick chuckled and nudged Nick, "Wonder what she said?"

"I don't know but after growing up with sisters, you don't mess with a pregnant woman who hasn't had dinner yet."

Greg chuckled as he began working on the perimeter.

Sara tagged the evidence in the bedroom and pulled out the luminal from her bag. She started to spray but stopped.

"I'm not sure I can do this," she said.

Grissom came over and stood beside her, "Sara, if its too soon, then you can opt not to go out into the field."

Sara looked at him, "It's not that. I'm not sure about the luminal and whether it's healthy for the baby." He smiled. _Good girl!_

He took the luminal and sprayed once Sara was safely away. By the time they finished the scene it was well after dinner. Sara yawned as they drove back to the lab.

"Would you have really withheld sex from me?" he asked.

"Would you have really expected me to go out into the field and not do my job? I know there are some things I'm not going to be able to do, but I don't expect to be treated any different than anyone else."

"I'll try to remember that. Does this mean that I may…?"

"That depends on if you feed me dinner soon. I'm starving."

She fell asleep on the way back so he picked up dinner and brought it to the lab. They sat with the others in the break room eating dinner. Sara leaned on Grissom. While the nap was good, she was tired. It was already past her shift but they had to finish the scene.

Sara followed Grissom to his office intending to leave but she plopped down in the chair and watched him begin his reports.

"You need to go home," he whispered. Greg came into the office and began going over the lab results of a case. She waited while they talked. She found herself drawn to the couch. She quietly got up and stretched out. She was asleep in minutes.

Greg looked over and grinned, "Sara's asleep."

Grissom pulled out a blanket from a cabinet and placed it over her.

It had been a long day and she had gotten through it. They both had. He grinned as he watched her sleeping. He had seen every bit of that sparkle in her eye tonight that she had when she first came to Vegas. It had been hell the last couple of months but it had made Sara stronger. Grissom dimmed the lights and gently shut the door. He would let her sleep.

She slept for the remainder of Grissom's shift. He gently shook her when it was time for them to leave. "Ride home with me. We'll leave your car." She didn't object. She just wanted to go to bed. She smiled at him as they left hand in hand.

She noticed that since her return, Grissom had become more direct in displaying his affection. While he used to be more reserved in the office setting, he initiated more physical contact now or even offered a verbal endearment. It was odd at first but now she craved it.

"You know I always wanted to hold your hand while we were walking together in the lab."

"I always wanted to watch you from behind."

"Gilbert Grissom"

"I still do," he teased as he leaned over and kissed her.

**Note from author:**

More fluff for those that were going into angst arrest. Hope you enjoyed. Please be sure and review with each chapter! Take care! Penny

P.S you know that will fluff comes angst again….I'll try to transition you in slowly…


	92. Chapter 92

**Chapter Ninety Two:**

The week passed quickly. Patrick made himself scarce during the transition period. Sara was glad she wasn't bumping into him every day. She was getting reacquainted with the swing shift staff and they were getting used to Sara's speed and agility when it came to processing evidence and documenting the results.

She continued to update the case listings of each worker and then forwarded the information. She received a thank you from Patrick as well as Ecklie. She forwarded Ecklie's to Grissom attaching a note that hell had just froze over. He then advised her that all emails were monitored and she quickly decided she would need to discuss that sort of thing at home.

It seemed that as the holidays approached the crime rate went up. Patrick kept his word and kept her out of the field for a week even though she continued to go out with the others. It was one thing to go out with seasoned workers to a crime scene but then another to be the lead worker.

More stress came with the title. It wasn't a title Sara sought but one given to her all the same. Sara knew it wasn't going to be easy but she had no idea how difficult the task would be. That became apparent the following week.

The processing took longer as Sara had to monitor the others while they completed a scene. Ronnie was quicker than the others although she still had many questions. Sara reminded her of the twenty question limit and she laughed. Sara on the other hand, did not. She had meant it.

Sara had spent the past week working on a case in which a young man had been involved in a drive by shooting that had left a kid paralyzed. His parents had been reluctant to cooperate with the investigation. Sara had the suspicion that there was some domestic violence however the mother had vehemently denied it.

The son was an only child and now he was facing twenty years in prison. The weapon was later discovered in their home. In the end, Sara had been able to talk the boy into a confession. His parents were irate.

Sara walked out of the interrogation room and headed down the hallway where she came face to face with Mr. and Mrs. Randolph.

"I can't believe you let him ruin his life," said Mr. Randolph to his wife.

"I didn't know that he was going to go out that night," she replied.

"You never paid any attention to him," he yelled.

As Sara tried to pass, Mr. Randolph began yelling at her. "This is your fault. You tricked him into confessing."

"Mr. Randolph, your son had an attorney present. He just wanted to tell the truth," she said and started to walk away.

Mr. Randolph reached for Sara but she jumped back causing her to lose her balance. He then pushed his wife and a scuffle broke out. Brass could see the argument escalating and tried to get out of the interrogation room to separate the two. In the scuffle Sara was knocked backwards.

Patrick ran down the hall and stepped between Sara and the Randolphs until security could arrive.

"Get Grissom," yelled Patrick to Ronnie.

It had happened so suddenly, Sara had little time to react. She rubbed the back of her head. She immediately thought of the baby and reached down to feel her abdomen. She brought her hand down to find it was covered with blood and she immediately returned the hand to her head and held it there. She closed her eyes and winced at the pain from the renewed contact with the cut. She assessed her injuries as she heard a voice again, it was Patrick.

"Sara, are you alright?" he asked. She didn't reply but kept her eyes closed in hopes that someone else would come to her aid. She could not bear to have him so near.

"I'm going to check your head, okay?" he asked.

She pulled away and winced from the pain. He stepped back and kept his distance. It had been a nasty blow but she didn't seem to be seriously injured. The security guard came and started to help her up when Patrick stopped him.

"Don't move her just yet. She took a nasty hit to the head. I think we need to have someone take a look at it," said Patrick. "Sara, Ronnie is going to get Grissom. Okay?"

Sara nodded her head as she leaned up against the wall.

"Sara, you need to acknowledge us, Okay?" he said.

"I'm fine. I think it's just a cut," said Sara.

Brass was soon by her side with a cloth. He looked at her head and then smiled, "Always knew you had a hard head. It's just a cut from the edge of the viewing window. I don't think you need stitches but you're probably going to have a headache."

Grissom soon arrived and knelt down to look at her, "What happened?"

"There was a fight and Sara got caught in the middle of it," said Ronnie.

"The Randolph case, the boy confessed," said Sara to Grissom.

"Let me take a look," said Grissom.

_That bastard can touch her but I can't. _ Patrick stood and watched the exchange between Sara and Grissom.

Sara winced at the pain when Grissom checked the cut. "Sorry. It's going to hurt but it doesn't look too deep. Can you stand?"

Grissom and Brass helped Sara to her feet.

"Hey, did you pick up Chinese for dinner tonight?" asked Sara.

"She's feeling better, "smiled Grissom, "and yes I did."

"Good, I'm hungry," replied Sara.

"You're always hungry," said Greg who came when he heard Sara had been hurt.

"Watch it Greg!" warned Sara.

"Be nice if you want a strawberry smoothie later," bribed Greg.

"Whip cream this time," added Sara.

Patrick watched as they disappeared around the corner. He had come so close to touching her this evening but she had refused his help. Every inch of him screamed to follow after them but instead he turned and went in the opposite direction. He stayed away as long as he could before finding himself at Grissom's door. Grissom looked up as he stood in the doorway.

"How's Sara?" he asked.

Grissom did not reply.

"Look, Grissom. As her supervisor I have to file an incident report and I have to know the extent of her injuries."

"She has a one inch cut on the back of her head. It does not require stitches. Doc Robbins took a look at it and said she is going to be fine."

"She may have a headache later with a cut like that. Tell her to take off tomorrow if she needs it. Thanks," and then he was gone. Grissom stood up and then headed down the hall. He found Sara with Nick in the lab. She had volunteered to help process some evidence. He looked around and once he was certain Patrick had returned to his office, he turned and headed back.

Grissom handed Sara some aspirin while she sat on the office couch. "Headache bad?"

"Not really. I thought I would take something now so I could sleep later."

"Go home and get some rest. I'll be home soon. Don't forget to set the alarm.

"Night," she smiled and then walked away. He watched her leave. He didn't like it. Nick was waiting in the hallway to walk her out. It had become a routine. Grissom or one of the guys would see her safely to her car. She would then call him once she was inside the house and locked in for the night.

Just as she promised she called him once she was settled in bed. She patted Bruno who lay on Grissom's side.

"Wake me when you come home," she said.

"Bruno's in my spot. Isn't he?" he asked. _Bruno will protect her._

"He's keeping it warm until you get home," she grinned.

Nick and Warrick walked in and sat down. Grissom frowned. He knew the guys would tease him because of his endearment but he didn't care.

"Night Sara. I love you," he whispered.

"Would you?" she asked.

She had not asked in awhile and so he leaned back in his chair. Nick and Warrick grinned.

Come to me in my dreams, and then  
By day I shall be well again.  
For then the night will more than pay  
The hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,  
A messenger from radiant climes,  
And smile on thy new world, and be  
As kind to others as to me.

Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,  
Come now, and let me dream it truth.  
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,  
And say My love! why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams, and then  
By day I shall be well again.  
For then the night will more than pay  
The hopeless longing of the day.

(Longing by Matthew Arnold (1822 1888)

"Arnold," she said.

"We're going to need a new book soon," he said.

"Night Gil. I love you," she whispered and then he heard the click of the phone.

"How do you remember all of that stuff?" asked Nick.

"The man is in love. Love does strange things," said Warrick.

"Memory's a gift but Sara is a treasure," smiled Grissom.

"He's getting all mushy on us," said Greg who had been standing there quietly. "Hey, you guys want to get in on the latest baby pool?"

Warrick and Nick chuckled. Grissom watched as Patrick walked down the hall. His face turned somber. Even though he had not bothered Sara, Grissom did not trust him. He noticed Patrick made several trips past Sara's desk each night. His trips usually occurred after Sara had left for the night. While he never stopped or bothered anything, he still unnerved Grissom.

Note from author:

I am sending this out early since tomorrow and Thursday will be pretty hectic for me. Doctor appointments and such. UGH! Anyway, please be sure and give a review. Someone noted that she had difficulty leaving a review. Please email me direct (penny. if you are unable to leave a review. The document may be getting too large and we may have to begin a Sessions II. Take care! Penny

Ps as always this Thursday or Friday we will begin the big angst for the weekend reading. I think you're going to love it. Buy lots of coffee, drink and popcorn!


	93. Chapter 93

**Chapter Ninety Three:**

He knew the day was coming but he was surprised at how quickly it came. He thought the strawberry smoothies might have something to do with it but he didn't dare tell Sara that. He made a mental note to threaten Greg not to give her any snacks in between meals.

Greg had become the enabler. All Sara had to do was smile and he would run out and get her anything. He chuckled when he recalled the vanilla ice cream Greg had brought to work. She had eaten most of it by the end of the shift.

Then there were the strawberry smoothies. Sara had become hooked. She would arrive with a smoothie in hand. When she worked out in the field, she would request a smoothie before returning to the office.

If they were stuck in the office, she would request a smoothie. When it was time to leave for the day, she would make a detour to pick one up. One did not have to be a CSI to figure out the pattern. Grissom merely had to look to see the evidence. It was in plain view.

When questioned, she no longer arrived with the cup in her hand but the evidence was still in the car. When he began to limit the trips, Greg began sneaking the smoothies into the lab and placing them in the freezer for Sara to find later. Sara became his slave.

It was a sick relationship. She listened to his jokes and let him follow her around in exchange for her obsession with smoothies. Grissom had not interfered until now. Now, according to the book, Sara's weight was becoming an issue.

_According to the book, she should only have gained five or six pounds. _He would have to come up with a gentle way of telling her she needed to eat better. He chuckled. _I never thought I would ever tell Sara she needed to eat better. _

Grissom sat at the counter eating breakfast. He knew that she was awake because Bruno sat at the door and whined. When he wouldn't stop, he watched as she slowly opened the door to let him in before shutting it quickly. When an hour passed and she did not leave the bedroom he came after her.

"Sara?"

He was surprised to find the door locked. "Sara?"

"Go away," she moaned.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"I can't find anything to wear," she wailed. He grinned. Yes, the day had finally arrived. He knew that Sara had finally begun to show. He tapped on the door again and continued to tap until she opened it. He smiled at her when he saw the clothes sprawled out across the bed and the floor. She sniffled as she sat down on the bed with slumping shoulders.

"I think we need to go shopping," he announced.

"I have nothing that fits."

"Sara, put on some shorts or jogging pants."

She made a face at him but he ignored the tantrum. Within an hour they found themselves at the mall. He chuckled when most of the maternity clothes were dresses. While Sara owned several elegant gowns for several occasions, dresses did not seem to fit the dress code for the type of work they did. She finally managed to find some maternity pants and tops.

While she tried them on, Grissom became engrossed in the nursing bras. _These are great! Why don't all women wear these? Why just unhook it here and instant access. _He smiled at the discovery.

The sales clerk smiled at him as she watched him hook and unhook the easy access panels. She their eyes met, his face turned crimson red as he tried to place the bra back only to knock over the entire table sending bras onto the floor.

The sales lady immediately came around and began picking up the bras as Sara stood and glared at him. _I feel a panic attack coming on._

She grabbed the other clothes and returned to the dressing room leaving him to feel very awkward. Once she left however, his fascination with the bras continued until he was back looking at the cup sizes and tried to visualize in his mind Sara's dimensions. _She's going to get bigger. That's going to be nice! _He hadn't noticed Sara's return until he felt her presence behind him.

"Gil, I don't think that's my size," she said as he held up a size DD cup.

"Thank goodness. What do you suppose you will be?"

"Big enough!" she said as she grabbed the lingerie from his hands and glared at him.

He decided it was a good moment to offer a smoothie. Her demeanor changed with the offering. He paid for the items and while Sara looked away he threw in a couple of the bras just in case. The clerk looked at him and smiled. "All the husbands love them."

Grissom blushed but was glad he had gotten some. They would be worth trying out. _Perhaps tonight…_

**Note from Author:**

I am so glad we have been able to post again! I was worried the story had maxed out the server! LOL. I will continue to write as long as the server will maintain the document. I hope you liked this last chapter of fluff—yes the angst is finally here just in time for the weekend. You know the drill. Give lots of reviews and then you get the next installment. Popcorn and drinks ready??? Take care! Penny

P.S.

I am happy to report that "The Sessions has received over 100,000 hits!!! Thanks to everyone who stops in; please, please leave a review! I would love to have the review numbers match the number of hits!


	94. Chapter 94

**Note from Author:**

**We are having some major problems with the fanfiction server which is why I haven't been able to post as often as you know I like to do. Please make sure you read chapter 93 and give a review before proceeding with this chapter. Not everyone got the alert that I had posted and then it was for chapter 94 which wasn't posted. UGH! If it does not let you give a review, please try again. I am shooting for the record and we have already received over 115,000 hits so I know there are more of you out there reading that can't bring yourself to give a review. Please reconsider! Thanks! Penny**

**Chapter Ninety Four:**

It had begun to rain slowly that morning and it continued throughout the day. There seemed to be an endless supply of bodies the last two days and already the shifts were running into doubles. It started out like any other rainy day in which they were dispatched to a location only this location was very familiar to Sara.

As Sara drove off the main road, she began to see the familiar landmarks. With each mile, her heart thumped louder and louder and before she knew it, she was there. Right where she had been left by Natalie. _This can't be. This must be someone's sick joke. _Sara looked around and saw the officers standing near the body. _Not my body. I survived._ The desert had taken its best shot and had lost. Sara had survived Natalie, the rain and the scorching heat. Now she was back.

Or course, she had been back to the desert since that night but now here, not right here. If she looked hard enough she thought she would even find some evidence left behind from that last crime scene. She was sure that her blood still mingled with the sand. She knew her tears could not have been completely washed away. Certainly she could still smell the fear in the air.

She sat there and wondered if she was the only person who had figured this out. _Didn't anyone remember where it happened? Why the hell would anyone send me out here? Even the media could probably pinpoint this location with their eyes closed. _

The area was swarming with reporters after the mustang had been discovered. There was no hiding it from them. Try as they like, the Las Vegas police department could not hide anything as bright as a fire engine red Mustang. _Natalie certainly couldn't. Nick figured out the location. Nick found me. _

"It wasn't my day to die."

She said the last sentence out loud sort of as a declaration to let the desert know that while she had returned she intended to leave again as well.

The coincidence of the location made her reach for the crucifix she had been carrying with her ever since she had returned to work. _Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. _ She had talked with Father Brannigan about the comfort the crucifix had given her while she had been away.

He was happy she had returned and with it she seemed to be more at peace. He was thrilled of the upcoming birth and he had offered to christen the baby. _Happy Thoughts. The Baby...mine and Grissom's. Happy thoughts…the desert, the body, the rain...Stop!_

The beating of the rain on the window shield brought her back to the present. Sara stood there and watched as the coroner reviewed the body and then gave the okay for Sara to begin working.

The police officers chatted quietly as Sara took out her kit and walked over. It was a male, approximately in his mid thirties and appeared to have been shot in the chest. _I wonder if he thought he was going to be a survivor._ She looked up at the sky as the light drizzle turned into a heavy downpour.

She hurried as the rain threatened to wash away any evidence that remained. Once she was finished, she jumped back into the Denali. The rain pelted the hood and she remembered the fear she had felt that night when the Mustang began filling with water. As she sat there mesmerized by the rain she did not notice as the police drove away one by one.

She just sat there and stared at the rain as it created small creeks filling up the deep crevices until it appeared the desert seemed to have pockets of small ponds. She recollected those small pockets. To step off into one might mean sudden death for the water was swift and the ground would easily give way under any weight even hers.

She did not know how long she'd been sitting there until she heard the knock on her window. She lowered the window to find Patrick standing there. For a moment that same fear returned. He stepped away from the vehicle when he saw her face.

"Sara, I'm sorry. I never would have sent you out here if I knew this was the site of your abduction. Are you okay?"

She did not reply at first but when he walked toward the vehicle, she quickly answered, "I'm fine."

"Do you want me to call Grissom?" he asked.

"No. I'm leaving."

"Be careful, the road is getting rough."

Sara looked and found that the others were gone. She immediately locked the doors. She tried her phone but due to the heavy rain fall the phone was useless. She sped up trying to keep a fair distance from him as they made their way back to the main road. She kept an eye on the rearview mirror as he followed her.

Suddenly she felt the vehicle lose traction and it began to slide off the road. The water had begun to push the vehicle sideways and Sara felt herself holding her breath. _That's it Sara. When the car fills up with water, hold your breath. Stop it! You're not trapped in that fire engine red Mustang. This is just rain. _

Sara tried to wait for the water to recede but when it continued to rise, she floored the vehicle trying to gain traction. The water continued to push the vehicle and she realized she was in trouble. She then saw the headlights of Patrick's vehicle directly behind her and she felt her car slowly being pushed.

Once she got out of the high waters, she was able to get traction again and she continued. This did not last as she came across another flooded area. She tried to cross and once again, she found herself being pushed by the current.

Patrick watched as she drove into the deep water. _Stay put Sara. Wait it out. Don't rush! _He cursed when he saw the vehicle lose traction again and begin its descent into the water. Once again he drove up and tried to push her out but the car had already begun to turn in the opposite direction. He feared it would overturn as he watched her try to gain control of its direction.

He was finally able to pull up enough to get his vehicle clear of the deep water. He jumped out and ran to her vehicle and banged on the window. Sara watched as the water began to rise inside the vehicle. She then looked at Patrick standing there.

"Sara! You have to get out of there before the car gets washed away. Open the door!"

She closed her eyes and prayed she was making the right decision. She tried to open the door but it wouldn't budge. She tried the window but they were stuck. Patrick ran back to his vehicle and returned with a tire iron.

"Sara, move away from the window!" Once she was clear, he smashed the window and began pulling on the broken glass. She tried to crawl out on her own but she felt her gun holster snag on something and she stopped to try to free herself. She heard the gun drop down in the floor board and she tried to reach down to retrieve it.

The water continued to rise and she knew she had to abandon the vehicle now. She tried again to crawl through the window as the car began to shift. Patrick grabbed her by the waist and tugged. Her side was scraped by the broken glass but she was now free from the car as the water washed it away. Patrick grabbed her arm and they trudged through the deep water. Once they were on higher ground, he released her. He saw the blood on her clothing and immediately began to lift her blouse to check her injury and she pulled away.

"Sara, we have to get out of this rain. Get in!" he shouted over the downpour. Once inside, he started the vehicle and slowly inched his way out of the water stopping once they were on higher ground.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Fine," she said between chattering teeth. He reached back and grabbed a blanket from the back seat and handed it to her.

"How is your side? I have a first aid kit that we can use to stop the bleeding." He reached in the back and handed it up to her. She checked her side and found the gash. She quickly placed a bandage on it and handed the kit to Patrick.

"See if you can get a connection," he said as he squinted to see through the rainstorm.

Sara watched as her phone continued to say out of range. _Shit._

She purposely inched as far away from him as she possibly could. He tried not to notice.

They came to a dip in the road and he stopped trying to assess the condition of the road.

"We have to make a decision. I can try to proceed here but I think we're not going to be able get very far because we're descending downward and the water is going to get high. I can drive off this road and go around but I'm not sure how long it will take us to get to the main road. It's your choice."

Sara remembered all too well the area he was pointing at. She had climbed upward staying away from the low area. It had saved her life that night. She also knew how long it had taken her by foot to make it back to the main road. _We're driving this time…_

"Get to higher ground. You have to stay near higher ground," whispered Sara.

They were able to drive about a few miles when his engine light came on. Sara swallowed hard. Now they were stuck in the desert in the middle of a thunderstorm much like the one that almost claimed her life and she was sitting with the man that had raped her.

Sara looked out into the blackness and wondered if the desert still intended to claim her after all.

**Note from author:**

**Yep, definitely angst all weekend as promised. Review review review review review review review review. Once I get a fair number of reviews I will post again. That is if the server doesn't give out on us again….listen if that happens, we may have to stop and wait until they fix it….but don't worry as soon as its fixed, then I will post and try to get us back on track. Take care! Penny **


	95. Chapter 95

**Chapter Ninety Five:**

Grissom walked into the break room as Greg poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Greg, have you seen Sara?" asked Grissom

"No, she was out in the field when I got here. She's been out for most of the shift according to Judy," said Greg.

"Have you seen Patrick?"

"He was here about an hour or so ago. He was talking with Judy and then that's the last I've seen him," Greg could see the worry on Grissom's face.

"You don't think he's gone after Sara, do you?"

Grissom headed straight for Judy's station.

"Judy, do you know the location of Sara's crime scene?" asked Grissom

"I was just pointing that out to Mr. Williams. He sent Sara out to the desert and the directions matched that of her abduction. Can you believe that?"

"Where's Patrick?"

"He went out there. He had me call out there but no one is getting any reception due to the bad weather. You remember how bad it was out there… Mr. Grissom? Where are you going?"

Grissom was walking almost running back to the break room.

"Get Nick and Warrick," yelled Grissom.

They met Grissom in his office as he was calling Brass.

"Jim, Sara got called out to the desert- same locale as her abduction. She hasn't been heard from in hours and now Patrick is gone. Get some patrol cars out there immediately." Grissom closed his phone and then grabbed his rain gear. "Brass said an unmarked car was tailing Patrick. I just hope he doesn't get to Sara before I do."

"What do you want us to do?" asked Nick.

"Stay here. Contact Ecklie and let him know we have a CSI out in the field and there's been no contact. I'm driving out there," said Grissom. "Let Catherine know what's going on. I'll let you guys know something as soon as I can."

"Grissom, be careful," called Nick.

Greg and Warrick looked at one another. "She'll be okay, Greg. She's just probably waiting it out until the rain stops."

"Do you remember how terrified she was the first time it rained?" he said as he watched the rain coming down.

"Yeah and you got her to go out and play in it. She'll be okay," assured Nick.

Greg continued to stare at the pouring rain. He was worried. They were all worried.

Grissom cursed as he got to the main road and found the road block. He flashed his credentials in hopes of getting through but he was denied access.

"I'm sorry sir but the road is too hazardous to get through. The rain has already washed most of the roads away. We've gotten a report of a vehicle floating down one of the outlet roads and we're trying to figure out if anyone is trapped."

Grissom's heart began to race, "Do you have a description?"

"Yeah. It's very similar to yours. It's a black Denali."

"That could be my wife's vehicle. She was out here on a crime scene earlier in the day and she didn't make it back."

"Our guys are trying to get to it. We'll try to confirm the license plate number but I'll have to be honest with you Mr. Grissom. We may not be able to do anything until the morning."

Grissom heart sank. Here he was again, waiting in the desert. He prayed that Sara was safe. _How did I let this happen again?_ He cursed as he sat there helplessly and watched the rain pour. _It's exactly like that night. The rain, the not knowing, the search for the vehicle, Sara in harm's way. Sara… He's right. I let Natalie get too close and almost cost Sara her life. _

Now this mistake might cost Sara's as well as the baby's life. He checked his phone and cursed as it continued to read no service. _When was the last time she's eaten? Did she pack her heavy rain gear? Did I put extra supplies in her vehicle?_

_Hell! She may not even be with the vehicle. What if she is? I hope she's not in the vehicle. The water would be seeping in filling the cab just like that damn Mustang…but if she's not with the vehicle… What if she's out in the middle of this? What if she's with…?_

His door suddenly opened and Brass slid inside.

"There was an off duty officer that followed Patrick out here but there was a wreck with injuries and he had to stop. He got caught in this road block also. Patrick sped around it and there weren't enough men on sight to stop him," said Brass.

"What about the officers at the crime scene?" asked Grissom.

"They left. They thought Sara was behind them. By the time they realized she wasn't part of the road washed out," said Brass.

"What's the latest weather forecast?" asked Grissom.

"Rain should be clearing out by morning and then they'll reopen the pass. If we can't get through by vehicle, I'll order a chopper. Everything is grounded right now," said Brass.

"I can't believe this is happening," said Grissom.

"Gil, this is not your fault," said Brass.

"It's not? It was my fault Natalie ever got to her and now I let that bastard slip right around and get to her again," said Grissom.

"You don't know that," said Brass. "Besides, Sara is armed and she'll kill the bastard if he touches her," said Brass.

"She couldn't last time," whispered Grissom.

"She didn't have you and she wasn't pregnant. She'll kill anything that might threaten that baby, including us," grinned Brass.

"Yes, she would," admitted Grissom. _Yes, she would._

**Note from author:**

**Thanks for everyone's patience in the last few chapters. This weekend is going to be very busy for me since we have guests coming in. I am going to release two chapters per day. Happy reading! Please be sure and leave a review for each one. Take care! Penny**

**P.S. **

**Don't you just love angst!**


	96. Chapter 96

**Chapter Ninety Six**:

It had been an hour since the vehicle stopped running. Patrick had tried several times to get it to start but decided the engine had been flooded by the high waters. Sara continued to shiver not so much because of the coolness but more of a remembrance of how cold the icy water had been that night as she lay trapped under that car.

_I can feel it slowly seeping up my body. Water every where. There is no dry place anymore. Get ready Sara. Get ready to take a deep breath. A big deep breath just before it goes over your head...God where's Grissom?_

"Sara?"

She jerked her head around when she heard her name.

"I'm sorry Sara. I'm sure they'll come looking for us soon enough." She said nothing.

_Remember to breathe in deep. Kick hard and try to make it to the surface. Not much time left! Be too slow and you'll drown…it's just water Sara. Greg? Is that you? It's more than water this time. It's the desert…it's Patrick…I want to go home. I don't want to be here. He's going to do it again…_

She felt his hand on her arm and she smacked it away. For a moment she saw anger in his eyes but it was quickly masked.

"It's getting a little chilly in here. I have another blanket if you need it."

She shook her head.

"Sara, you can talk to me." She watched as he struggled to contain the anger, "Do you think you could be a little grateful and talk to me. If I hadn't pulled you out, you would have been trapped in the car."

Sara felt her own anger rising. _I should be grateful? I will never be grateful to you._

"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be out here. You assigned the case to me."

"If you had talked with me, I would have sent someone else!"

His anger had returned and she inched further away from him. _Don't make him angry Sara! Don't make him mad. Remember last time? No! You don't remember. You don't know what set him off last time….only that he was angry. Where's Grissom?_

"Look, we're going to have to make the best of this. Looks like we're going to be stuck out here for awhile so I would suggest we not make each other mad."

_Or else? What are you going to do? If I had my gun I would shoot you. You're not going to do that again. Over my dead…wait I have to be careful. The baby…_

He reached in the back and pulled out two Styrofoam cups and poured each some coffee.

"The coffee may only be a little warm but it might help." _Natalie gave me something to drink also. It made me pass out and when I awoke, I was underneath that Mustang. _She stared at the coffee cups.

He handed her the cup and she took it. She watched him take a drink before bringing the cup to her lips. It was still warm and it felt good going down. She sipped at it slowly trying to make it last.

He then pulled out a couple of sandwiches and offered them to her but she declined.

"Think of the baby. I know you've not eaten for over eight hours. It's just peanut butter and jelly but you used to like them a lot." He offered it to her but she again declined.

Well, I'm going to try to sleep some while we're waiting to be picked up. If you get hungry, here's the sandwich and an apple."

He leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. Sara waited an hour before taking the food. She was starving. She didn't want to admit that he was right. _How did it come down to this? Why didn't I turn around? Why didn't I call Grissom and tell him where I was headed? He never would have made me come out here. He would have come after me. _

Her stomach churned as she thought about what Grissom might be going through right now. She tried her cell again but got nothing. _He's probably figured out that something is wrong. _ _He'll blame himself but this is my fault. I realized where I was headed. I remembered but yet I still came. _

She was tired and sleepy but she refused to give into sleep. Her head bobbed a few times but she jerked herself awake. With the last bob, she noticed he hadn't been sleeping at all but merely watching her.

He cursed under his breath. "Sara, if you're so damn afraid of me then pull out your gun and keep it handy."

He noticed the look on her face and realized what she had been scrambling to get. _She doesn't have her gun! _He grinned.

Patrick reached down and pulled out his gun. _This can't be happening!_

Once again she found herself facing the end of his revolver. Sara quickly reached for the door handle but he grabbed her by the arm. She kicked him and he released her.

She heard him curse when she fumbled with the door handle and jumped out into the pouring rain. The coolness of the water startled her. She made it to the side of the vehicle before feeling his arms snake themselves around her waist.

"Sara, stop it! Stop it before you hurt yourself or the baby!" His last words made her stop. She looked at him terrified as he held her tight.

"Patrick, please don't do this," she begged.

**Note from author:**

The reviews were great! Please take the time to leave a review! I have decided to post three chapters today so get the reviews in quickly so I can release a chapter before meeting friends today. Take care! Penny


	97. Chapter 97

**Chapter Ninety Seven:**

He pulled her back to the car and made her get inside.

"Sara, calm down," he said gently. "I didn't mean to frighten you. Take my gun." He placed the gun in her hand. "If I try to harm you, shoot me."

"I will this time," she said with conviction.

"I know you will," he said. "You should have shot me years ago."

She was shaking from the cold. He checked the back seat and found a light jacket and handed it to her.

"Wear it or at least use it to dry off some. You're soaked. You better get some rest."

He closed his eyes and was soon asleep. Sara placed the gun by her side. She felt her eyes lids closing. As another hour passed, she nodded off from the exhaustion.

Patrick opened his eyes and grinned. She had finally fallen asleep. He lifted the gun and placed it back in his holster and then gently pulled out the other blanket from the back and placed it around her. He checked his phone and actually smiled when there was no reception.

The vehicle had managed to stop on a high ridge and so there was no risk of flooding. He smiled again. Although he had not planned for this to happen, he felt it was a sign that perhaps things were going to change for the better.

Here he was sitting next to her all alone without interference from anyone not even Grissom_. This moment, she's mine. Not yours, mine just as it was supposed to be. Why did you ever have to come to San Francisco? _

He replayed the events of that fateful night through his mind trying to come up with some other angle on what he had done but he couldn't. He had exhausted all of those avenues in his counseling sessions. He would never admit that he had raped Sara to anyone. To do so would mean the end of his career as well as jail time. He chuckled at the irony of it.

If he had been convicted he would have been out by now. He had given himself a worse sentence than any judge could have given him. He had gotten drunk and mixed with the antidepressants he had raped her.

_The only woman I've ever loved. I couldn't be patient and wait for her to want me. I had to take her. I had to or else she was going to leave and I would never have the chance to show her how much I loved her. Him! It's all Grissom's fault. Why didn't the miniature killer get him? The world would be a better place without him in it. _

He sat there and watched her. He had wanted to do that since the moment he had come face to face with her again after all of these years. He still loved her. He still craved her. He still wanted to touch her. _I want you…_

He reached out his hand but quickly drew it back and cursed himself for the weakness. He knew that to touch her would only frighten her. He also knew that he would be fired and Grissom would kill him. He felt his gun dig into his side and he wondered what it would feel like to shoot the man that taken so much from him.

_Grissom. I hate him. I envy him. He's living my life. He has the job I've always wanted He has Sara and now he is expecting a child with my Sara. My Sara! Damn it! My Sara!_

He closed his eyes as the pain returned. _God! Why? I lost the only woman I've ever loved. The only woman I will ever love. It's not fair! _

She began to stir and he listened as she talked in her sleep. It was a fitful dream. She began to cry and he wondered if being out in the desert had brought back bad memories. How did he let this happen?

He had never bothered to know the location where Sara had struggled for her life. He had been too busy sneaking around the hospital trying to get to see her. Even then Grissom was in the way. _Damn him! _ He remembered in intricate detail the hospital, the floor where her room was located, the room, even down to the nurses and doctors on call during that time.

He had watched them go in and out of her room each day. He remembered the jealously and rage of watching Grissom stay by her bedside. Just the memories brought those feelings back. There was a flicker of hope when she had blocked Grissom was returning. He thought that she had finally seen Grissom for the man he was. He remembered smiling as he watched Grissom trying to return to the room only to be blocked by the nurses. His heart sank when he saw how much it had hurt Sara to do that. _She loves him. Damn! She loves him. _It was then that he realized why she had done it. She had wanted Grissom to rest. _He didn't deserve her love. It was his fault she had been taken by the miniature killer. _He was determined to get to her then. In fact, he had almost made it into her room the day she had sent Grissom away. Once again, his plans were foiled by the others.

He was determined he would get to her the next day even though Brass had implemented a visitor log. By then he didn't care if he was discovered, he just wanted to be near her. He signed the log and then quickly made his way to her room. He stood at her bedside and listened to the ping and pang of the machines and he wanted to kill Grissom. _It could be so easy to get rid of him. _

Grissom had done this to her not Natalie. He had put Sara in harm's way. He remembered reaching out to touch her when the nurse sauntered in with another IV. He quickly made his way out of the room just in time to avoid running into Grissom who had taken up residence in the waiting room. He was always there somewhere or somehow.

In the end, he went back to San Francisco without so much as a touch. _Not this time. This time Grissom is not around to stop me! _He gently brushed his hand against her hair and soothingly hushed her. He heard her ask for Grissom and he whispered, "I'm here."

She instinctively pulled her body up close to him and snuggled into his arms. Patrick pulled the blankets up around them and held her. She smelled wonderful. All of the same emotions came flooding back as he held her and he found himself trying to hold back the tears.

He never dreamed in a million years he would be holding her again even if it was in false pretenses. He didn't care any more. A moment with her was worth any punishment. She had needed comforting and he had been able to give it. He heard her whisper softly, "love me Gil," and he smiled. _Yes, I can love you…_

**Note from author:**

**Yes, I know you want to kill me for the cliff hanger but I couldn't resist leaving you like this….you still love me don't you? P.S. reviews…. Take care Penny**


	98. Chapter 98

**Chapter Ninety Eight:**

She jerked her head up and quickly sat up. She looked at him as he looked back at her.

She scooted back up into the seat and tried to wake up but the coffee had actually made her groggy. It had felt good to drink something warm.

"It's okay Sara. The rain is still coming down pretty hard but we're in a safe area. Just go back to sleep. They'll be here soon."

She noticed she had an additional blanket around her and she quickly checked to make sure that he had not…

"You were cold," he said softly.

She tried her cell phone but there was no change.

"Sara, I never said this to you but I need to. I'm sorry I…raped you. That's what I did."

He saw the fear in her return and he tried to calm her. "Look I don't want to upset you. I've just never had the chance or nerve to tell you this alone but I have to. Okay?" When she didn't say anything he continued.

"I lost control that night. I had been spiraling down for some time. Jesse tried to get me to take some time off but I felt I couldn't if I wanted the supervisor job. I felt I had to keep my numbers up. I always hated the paperwork and the bureaucracy of it all but I wanted to move up so you would feel that I was more capable of starting a family."

She looked at him with the same confusion she did that night when he confessed his love for her.

"I just thought you felt the same way. I've never been the kind to show my emotions. You know that. I was always more comfortable around the dead than the living. I think that's why we got along so well; we're alike."

She sat there quietly and made no move to acknowledge his statement. It bothered him but he continued.

"The cases kept getting worse and worse and before I knew it, I couldn't sleep any more. I finally went on antidepressants but even those didn't work. I could never figure out how you managed to run on so little sleep. I thought I could as well but it all backfired."

He took a deep breath. "Jesse had gotten into the habit of checking up on me. The only time he didn't was when I was with you. He felt I wouldn't do anything stupid like shoot myself if I was with you. He knew I loved you. He had always known that. I guess that's why he never dreamed I would ever do anything to hurt you."

She saw him swipe at his eyes but she pretended she didn't notice. She had perfected this with Grissom since he didn't like to show emotion, well at least at first but now he knew that he was safe with her. He was safe to…show his love.

" I thought I could make you love me. I thought that you were just scared to open up to anyone. Hell, we both came from such shitty backgrounds. I told myself if I made love to you, everything would be okay. Your love would shield me somehow. I needed that but then you…begged me to stop and I couldn't."

"I knew I was losing you to him. I knew that if I didn't make love to you then we were lost…I was lost. I placed my gun beside us hoping that you would shoot. I didn't want to live if I couldn't have you. I was angry that you didn't love me like you loved him. But then you did what I had been trying so hard not to do, you picked up the gun and put it to your head. That scared the hell out of me."

"I did that to you. I caused you to want to die. Once I realized what I had done, I just figured I would fix it. God, I had to fix it. I just ra…raped the only person I've ever loved. It wasn't that way in my eyes but it hurt like hell to see what I had done to you. I swore I would never hurt you again."

"You…you did. You did when you covered it up when you pretended it didn't happen."

He tried to take her hand but she pulled away from him and scooted against the door.

"I know I did. I couldn't think straight until days later when Jesse made me check myself into counseling. Months later, I volunteered to enter a six month sexual offender program. Jesse was afraid I would off myself. Can you believe it? He still cared about what happened to me. He knew that I needed help."

"He cared a lot about you. What you did hurt him as well. He told me so," said Sara.

"I know. I'll never forget the disappointment in that man's eyes. He was the closest thing I ever had to a father and look what I did. He made me go cold turkey one weekend. He came over and threw away the booze and the pills and threatened to report me if I didn't straighten up. Once I realized what I had done to you he took my gun away."

Patrick turned away when he could no longer hide the tears.

"He should have left it with me. I tried to get to you to tell you why I did it. Why I acted the way I did. He thought I wouldn't be able to take the rejection and I would only end up hurting us both. He was afraid I would go back to taking the antidepressants as well as drinking."

"I don't know how I managed it, but I gave up the pills and never touched booze again. I was a bastard when I first started my new job but I threw myself into my work. I thought if I could be successful at that then I would eventually work things out with you."

"I didn't even notice how much time had gone by until one day I woke up and thought maybe she's forgiven me by now. I came to Vegas and I saw you and Grissom together one night. I knew you loved him. I could see it in your eyes. I returned home and threw myself back into my work. It was all I had left. Then I began checking up on you."

Sara's eyes widened as she heard this confession. He saw the fear in her eyes and he quickly added, "It's not like that. I just wanted to make sure you were happy. I know it sounds sick but as long as I knew you were happy then I could stay away. I came back after they found you here in the desert. I came back when you had the miscarriage."

"How did you know that?"

"I paid someone in the hospital to tell me if your name ever came up in the system. Sara, I just needed to know that you were okay." He sighed and closed his eyes and didn't speak for a moment.

"I came back another time when I heard you had resigned and just left. I was going to hire a private investigator to look for you but then you began having contact with Grissom again."

She gave him that look again.

"The office grapevine. My office had called your office about a similar case we were working on and I had my worker ask about you."

"Why did you come here?"

"I needed to see for myself that you were happy and I hadn't ruined your life. When you asked me to leave, I almost did but I couldn't; I had gotten too close. Sara, you may think this sounds sick, but I just wanted to look after you. I felt I needed to. I know I will never get over you. I know you will probably never forgive me. I also know that I can't change the past but I can make sure that no one hurts you again."

"I don't need you to look over me. Grissom would never…"

"He let the miniature killer almost kill you. He never should have…"

"You know nothing about Grissom! Without him, I could not exist. He is the only person I have ever loved and he will be the only person I will ever love."

She saw the sadness in his eyes and for a moment she felt pity.

"Sara, for what's its worth, I have punished myself far more than any court system ever could. I live with the sentence every day. I will live the rest of my life alone. I did that to myself. I can't blame anyone or anything except me. At one time I wanted to blame my job. I was sick of death."

His words hit a raw nerve and he saw the pain in her eyes for a moment.

"Is that why you left for awhile? Did you get burned out?"

"It was a number of things. Grissom was always able to ground me, keep me safe until the past reared its ugly head."

"You're talking about your folks, right?"

"I never really told you about my father," she whispered.

"No need. I pulled the police record a long time ago and found out what happened. I needed to know. The domestic violence cases always bothered you."

He saw her yawn and she rubbed her eyes.

"Look, enough of the past, get some sleep. If the rain will stop and it gets daylight, we might be able to try walking out of here. You've done it before, you can do it again. I'll just be along for company. We have plenty of water in the back so you'll be better prepared this time."

He leaned back and closed his eyes. She sat for awhile and thought about what he had said. She felt the tears on her cheeks and she wiped them away. She closed her eyes and was asleep within minutes.

**Note from author:**

Here is the third chapter as promised. I absolutely loved the reviews! I read every one of them before posting this evening. For those of you who are going back to earlier chapters and posting a review if you didn't before, many many thanks! Take care! Penny


	99. Chapter 99

**Chapter Ninety Nine:**

During the night, he saw her trembling and he gently pulled her close to him in order to share his body heat. He imagined what it would be like to hold her each night. He wondered if he would ever be able to break free from the past but knew he was doomed to spend the rest of his life watching from afar.

When he saw her that first day, for a moment he tried to convince himself that he could make her love him. He would be patient and slowly win her trust and love but then he saw her with Grissom. _Bastard! I hate him. _ Even from a distance he saw how much she loved him. _Why him? He's older. He's obsessed with his work. He's got more hang ups than me. He's…got Sara. _

He had resolved to himself that he would be an observer. He would be there as a protector when she needed one and to make sure that Gil Grissom did not screw up again. _There'll be hell to pay if he ever screws up again!_

He had almost cost Sara her life with the miniature killer. _He doesn't deserve Sara._ Yet, he knew that Sara did not give her love to just anyone and once it was given, it was given for life. Sara loved Grissom. He was sure of that. It had hurt to come to accept this truth but he could as long as Sara was happy. He would kill anyone who made Sara unhappy even Gil Grissom.

Patrick held her through the remainder of the night. He finally dozed himself until the sun came up. He looked at his watch and wondered why they had not found them yet. _They're not looking in the right direction. We drove off the road. We're going to have to walk out. _

Sara began to stir slowly as he continued to whisper her name. _let me sleep Grissom. I'm so tired. Stay here in bed with me a little while…Grissom?_ When she realized she had been sleeping next to him, she jumped back across the seat.

"Sorry, I had to wake you but I don't think they're going to find us unless we make it back to the road. How do you feel?" he asked.

She looked at him and then checked her clothing pulling the blankets up to cover herself.

"It's okay. You were cold and I tried to keep you warm. I wouldn't hurt you Sara. I swear I'll never do that again."

She stared at him and for a moment she thought she believed him but then she quickly pushed the thought aside. _Grissom! He'll be worried. I need to get home!_

She jumped out of the vehicle and looked around. Patrick opened the back of the Denali and began collecting supplies. He cleaned out his backpack and left only the essentials. Once he was packed, he waited for her to take the lead. As she began to walk, he followed.

Grissom rubbed his eyes as he poured out the coffee Brass had given him an hour ago. They were waiting for acquisition for a chopper when he received a call from the state police that Sara's vehicle had been located but no one was inside. Grissom phone ahead and alerted Nick that Sara's vehicle would be arriving soon and to process it for evidence.

"Gil, you don't know if anything has happened yet," said Brass.

"Sara's window was broken out." He sat there and closed his eyes. _Why don't they open the pass? _

"I'll see what the hold up is. We should get access to the road any minute now," said Brass.

Grissom sat and waited. _Wait wait wait wait. _The minutes ticked by followed by an hour and still the road remained blocked. Brass returned and sat down beside Grissom.

"Nick just called."

"Why didn't he call me? My phone is…what is it?" asked Grissom.

"They found blood on the driver's side door."

"Blood?"

"It's Sara's."

Grissom looked at Brass. "Jim, I need you to get out."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going after my wife. I'm driving around this road block."

"Then drive. I'm not stopping you." Brass fastened his seat belt and then nodded at Grissom.

Grissom turned over the engine and sped around the patrol car ignoring the flags.

"You know they'll probably write you up for that."

"Good, They can write up Patrick as well. Let's see what Ecklie does about that."

They had been walking for an hour and the sun was getting hotter. Sara stopped and put up another marker before sitting down to rest.

"Smart idea. Is this what you did last time?"

Sara nodded her head. He handed her the bottled water and she sipped a little.

"Sara, you can't ration it too much. You're pregnant and you'll get dehydrated quickly."

She looked at him and then took another drink before placing the lid back on.

She stood up and they continued walking. _I remember those rocks. I sat down over there. It's hot! It's always hot out here…cold…cold at night especially when it rains. Grissom. Where are you?_

Grissom stopped when they arrived at the site. He knew the place by heart. He had memorized every detail when he had first arrived that day with Catherine. He remembered how he and Nick dug into the sand and found Sara's jacket. _I don't want to dig this time. Please God, I don't want to dig._

He felt the familiar catch in his chest as he got out and looked around. _Nothing! Where's Patrick? I hope the bastard got washed away. I hope they find his body buried in the sand. Sara? Where are you?_

Grissom jumped back into the vehicle and headed back in the direction Sara would have left. _Think Grissom think. Which way would Sara have gone? _He stopped the vehicle again and stood outside for a moment surveying the area.

Brass came and stood beside him. "This area would have been heavily flooded. Maybe she lost control of the vehicle here and had to abandon it. She would have walked to higher ground," said Grissom. _Yes! That's what she told me. She couldn't follow the road because of the water. She walked to higher ground. _"Higher ground. We have to head toward higher ground."

Grissom and Brass jumped back into the vehicle as Grissom began driving away from the road. Within a few miles, they spotted Patrick's vehicle.

Brass called in the location to the police and then joined Grissom who was running toward the vehicle. He threw open the car doors but it was empty. _Shit!_

He noticed the blood droplets on the passenger seat and cursed. _Sara! She's with Patrick._

Grissom checked the contents of the vehicle and noticed the empty bandage wrapper. After locating the emergency kit, he checked its content.

"Not much has been taken except for a few items. I don't think Sara was seriously injured," he said.

"Vehicle must have died on them. They're on foot so we should be able to locate them more quickly," said Brass.

"Like we did last time? It was hours before we found her and then it was almost too late," Grissom said between clenched teeth.

"That was different. Sara had been trapped for hours until she got herself free and by then she was already in bad shape. This time, they have supplies," said Brass as he picked up an empty water bottle.

Grissom scanned the horizon and saw the familiar stacked rocks marking westward. He pointed and tried to look ahead but only saw the heat radiating off the ground.

They returned to their vehicle and began driving slowly looking for Sara's clues.

Patrick watched as she continued her hurried pace. He thought he heard her counting but then shrugged it off but as he inched closer, he could hear her reciting something.

"Sara?"

She ignored him and continued to walk.

"Sara!" She stopped and turned to look in his direction.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." _I can say that to him. He doesn't deserve anything more…keep walking… the faster you walk the faster you will be back…Grissom…._

She marched forward continuing her sing song of the rules to their sessions. It was good practice. Every now and then she would be caught red handed disobeying a rule. _I don't mind the punishment. Nothing harsh. Grissom is never harsh. Grissom is…where is Grissom?_

She felt herself stumble but then caught herself from falling. Patrick had been there instantly but she was already pulling away. He stood and watched as she crisscrossed along the way. She was quiet now.

There were no soft whispers coming from her mouth. He only heard the soft movement of her feet. He turned around to check the horizon for any sign of a rescue but saw none. He turned and she wasn't there anymore. He looked again and found her kneeling on the ground. He quickly approached her wanting to kneel down beside her but instead he stood over her trying to block the sun from her face.

"Sara?"

"I'm fine. I just need to catch my breath. I'm fine…"

She sat there a minute. Patrick handed her the water and she took a sip before returning the bottle. She picked herself up but found it more difficult now. She stumbled and felt herself falling but was relieved when she did not hit the ground.

Patrick caught her and held onto her as he gently assisted her to some nearby rocks. He propped her up against the rocks.

"You need to rest,"

"We have to keep moving. The sun is going to get hotter soon."

"You need to stop!" he yelled as he grabbed her arm when she struggled to her feet. Once on her feet, she yanked her arm away from him but then felt blessed darkness overtake her.

**Note from author:**

As promised I will release two more chapters today in addition to this one. Please continue to review. Thanks and take care! Penny


	100. Chapter 100

**Chapter one hundred:**

He cursed as she fell towards him. He laid her back down behind the rocks and took his jacket from his backpack placing it under her head.

"Sara?" He yelled trying desperately to revive her. He pulled out the bottle of water and placed some on her lips and then sprinkled a little over her face. She slowly opened her eyes.

"Don't waste the water!" she croaked.

"Good, glad you have enough energy to fight."

She tried to get up but he put his full weight on her blocking her from getting up. "Don't even try it. Stay put. You'll only find yourself face down in the dirt. Rest, Sara. You're pushing yourself too hard. It's not good for you or the baby."

She stopped and resigned herself to rest. She was exhausted. After a few minutes the color returned to her cheeks and was allowed to sit up. She looked around and suddenly saw dust in the distance.

_Grissom._

Patrick turned to look in the same direction and saw the billowing dust approaching. It was followed by other emergency vehicles. They had been found. He looked down at Sara as she laid back down.

Grissom was the first to reach them. He ran over to Sara and began checking her for injuries. She smiled at him. "What took you so long?"

"Brass and I stopped for coffee and doughnuts…Sara are you okay?"

"Tired, could use a shower, food, water and sleep. Not in that order," she said.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

"We're okay. My vehicle got washed off the road and I had to stay with Patrick until you could get to us. His vehicle stalled and we couldn't get it started."

Grissom glared at Patrick who was talking to the arriving personnel.

"He didn't hurt me Gil. He didn't do anything except keep me from being washed away with my car."

_He didn't bother to tell me he was heading out here. He could have told me he sent you out here. Instead he comes out to the rescue. _

He started to pull her up when Patrick ran over and blocked him.

"She passed out a little while ago. I don't think she should walk."

Grissom picked her up and carried her to the vehicle placing her in the back seat. He handed her a bottle of water. While she drank some of the contents he poured another bottle over his handkerchief and placed it over her forehead. He then tossed the keys to Brass before sliding in beside her.

"How about we get you some breakfast and then to bed?" asked Grissom as he hugged her to him. Sara felt him tense when he smelled Patrick's cologne on her blouse.

"Sara…"

"Nothing happened. I fell asleep and ended up leaning against him. He didn't touch me Gil. I swear."

"I believe you," he said as he kissed her on the forehead. He looked over his shoulder and stared at Patrick who was busy with the officers arriving on the scene.

Brass opened the car door and got behind the wheel. Patrick cursed as he saw them preparing to leave. He ran over opening the passenger side door and slid inside.

"Sorry buddy, you can get a ride with someone else," said Brass.

"Unless you want to go back and do several inches of paperwork then you had better give me a lift back now to the lab," he said as he looked at Grissom. Sara clutched Grissom's hand and he decided that at the moment Patrick was safe from his fury.

Brass waited a moment but when there was no objection by Grissom, he started the Denali and they headed back.

"Honey, lay down," Grissom urged. She curled up in the back seat laying her head in his lap and closed her eyes.

Grissom protectively wrapped his arms around her and glared at Patrick.

Patrick turned and started to say something but stopped when he saw Grissom's expression. _I held her last night. Not you! She was mine for awhile and she let me hold her. _

"You're not going to tell Greg about the Denali are you?" asked Sara, "he's never going to let me live this down."

"I'm afraid he already knows."

Sara frowned. She pulled Grissom's arm up closer.

"Sara?"

"Baby's okay. We could go for a smoothie right now but we're good."

He pulled her hand up and kissed the palm. She smiled before drifting off to sleep. Patrick kept his eyes diverted from the back seat. He could still smell her hair in his nostrils and he closed his eyes and tried to remember the feel of her next to him.

It took over an hour or more before Brass pulled into their driveway. Sara had slept the entire time only waking when the car came to a stop. Grissom unlocked the front door as Brass helped Sara out of the car. She refused to be carried but leaned on Grissom as he led her inside the house. She waved to Brass and then headed to the bedroom where she was greeted by Bruno.

Brass hadn't noticed that Patrick was standing at the door.

"I'm going to put her down as sick for the next couple of days," said Patrick as he glanced around the room before heading back to the vehicle. _Some alarm system. I could easily get through that…_

"Want me to take him back out into the desert and shoot him?" asked Brass

"Just take him back to the lab and make him do that paperwork so no one bothers Sara," said Grissom as he rubbed his eyes.

"Get some sleep," said Brass as he closed the door. He opened it a moment later. "Set your alarm."

Grissom walked over and turned it on once the door shut. He leaned against the door and for the first time in twenty four hours, he breathed easily.

He returned to the bedroom to find her sitting on the bed. He checked the gash on her side and kissed it.

"Got that crawling out of the window. The car was filling with water and when it started to shift, Patrick yanked me out."

"They located your vehicle and towed it in. They have been going through it for…"

"Evidence?"

"Yes. We were afraid…"

"Me too. He didn't do anything. He could have. We were stranded and he could have…"

"I'm sorry Sara. I should have kept a better eye on him. I…"

"This is not your fault! I know you've always blamed yourself for Natalie and you're not going to blame yourself now!" She demanded.

"If he tried to…would you have used your gun?" asked Grissom

"Yes," she said without hesitation. He hugged her close and whispered he was sorry again only to have her hit him in the side and then asked him if she had hurt him. He chuckled. _That's my Sara._

He had fed her. He chuckled to himself. He had fed both of them. She now lay soaking in the tub as he returned the dozen phone calls from the office. The gang continued to work even though it was no longer necessary. They had refused to hand over Sara's vehicle to the swing shift but now that Sara was back safe and sound there was no longer was a need to continue processing the vehicle. Warrick and Nick stood and stared at the vehicle. .

"Griss, say she's okay?" asked Nick for the third time.

"She's fine," said Warrick.

Nick looked at Warrick and grinned. "Better not let Grissom hear you say the "f" word."

"Speaking of Grissom, how's he doing?" asked Warrick. "He was pretty upset last night."

"Wouldn't you be? Your wife almost loses her life out there in the desert and then she gets stuck out there again with Patrick who…."

Patrick walked up and looked at the vehicle.

"How's Sara?" he asked.

Nick and Warrick looked at one another. Nick came over and looked him straight in the eye. "What do you think you were doing sending her out into the desert? Was it some sick joke?"

"I didn't know. If I had, I never would have sent her. Once I found out, I went after her."

"Oh, really? You quietly stalk her for the past year and you tell me you didn't bother to find out the location of her abduction?"

Warrick walked over and stood on the other side of Patrick. "I just can't imagine someone with your expertise, missing a detail like that?"

Patrick's jaw twitched. "I guess I'm not as perfect as everyone thinks I am."

"Oh we know you're perfect. You're perfect at distorting the truth. If you ever hurt Sara, you'll have us to contend with, you got that?" yelled Nick as he thumped his finger on Patrick's chest to drive home the point.

Patrick turned and walked away.

"I don't like that guy," said Warrick.

"Well, good reason not to. He can't be trusted."

**Note from author:**

**Okay did I get slammed or what today! So…we are going to be on an honors system tonight. I am going to try to release a couple of chapters so you need to promise me you will give a review for each chapter. Thanks so much for the last reviews. For those of you just coming on board and have been giving a review for each chapter, I am so very very grateful. Take care! Penny**


	101. Chapter 101

**Chapter One hundred one:**

Grissom mulled over the details of the night before. He didn't trust Williams even if he had helped Sara. Why did the thought of him spending any time with her make his blood pressure rise. _You're jealous! That's why! He had what is yours and you would love nothing more than to kill him!_

The thought of the man sitting next to Sara alone still haunted Grissom. _What if he tried to rape her again? What if she tried to fight him? What if she didn't? Stop it! Sara loves me….not him. She said so herself. She never loved him like me. I still hate him._

His blood pressure rose with each memory of that night. He was glad Sara had opted to take off the following day. While she had slept that night, she was exhausted from the ordeal. Now she was home and all he wanted to do was crawl into bed beside her and sleep.

"Why aren't you asleep?" He asked as he leaned down to kiss her.

"I couldn't" she said.

He had been fearful that this would happen. _How can she sleep after being back in the desert and with Patrick of all people! It's probably the nightmares again._.

"Dream?" he asked

"No," she said.

"Sick?" he asked.

"No," she replied.

"Sara, we could be at this all day. Why don't you tell me why you couldn't sleep," he said as he yawned.

"Because of this. She took his hand and placed it on her abdomen and she watched for his expression when he felt the baby.

In an instant, his other hand was there as his face beamed.

"Come to bed," she whispered. Grissom spent the next hour completely in awe of her body. He caressed her small bulge and it moved in response. Sara handed him the book of poetry and he began to read. His voice was melodic as Sara closed her eyes and soon found herself asleep.

He smiled when he noticed she had drifted off. He closed the book and placed it back on the table. He then pulled out the baby book from underneath the bed and began reading about the fifth month of pregnancy.

_Lets see, __many women can't seem to find the simplest words, fighting harder for simple vocabulary sometimes. Hey, I could beat her at scrabble!_

_She may have a sudden burst of energy; she may have a sudden urge to clean house, even to extremes. She's going to make me clean the garage! I hate that garage._

_Especially during the middle trimester, some women have panic attacks. Does that apply to dad's to be? I think I have these._

_She will probably gain around five pounds and the baby's weight will nearly double._

Grissom chuckled to himself. _Sara has gained more than that. I can think that right? She won't know I thought that right? _

_Her nipples may be more sensitive than ever. I'll say, one touch and she wants to jump me. No wait, it says they're supposed to be tender. _He chuckled again. _Well, Sara likes it when I.._ He reached over and gently touched one of her breast. She moaned in her sleep. _Yes, that was definitely a pleasurable moan_

He continued to read more.

_Braxton Hicks contractions, which are more frequent and more noticeable during the third trimester. Great, just knock me out until its time for delivery. I'm going to end up with ulcers._

_If her expanding breasts don't yet obstruct her view of her feet, her abdomen soon will, and falls may occur. Wait, what was that part about expanding breasts? Her breasts are going to get bigger? Nice! Wait, she won't be able to see her feet? I better get her slip ons or be ready to tie her shoelaces in knots. _

Grissom took out the notepad he kept in the bedside table and made the following notes:

Play lots of scrabble now while her concentration is off.

Don't let her see the garage!

Find out if dad's can suffer from panic attacks because I do!

Hide the weight scales.

Play with nipples now before they're off limits.

Measure breasts and enjoy new size- it won't last.

Decide on quickest route to hospital without having a coronary.

Decide on slip on shoes or knots whichever she likes best.

He looked at the list and then added one more thing.

Tell her she's beautiful every day.

Grissom smiled and turned out the light. He pulled her close and with one arm wrapped around her, he placed his other protectively on the growing abdomen. He was too excited to sleep. He caressed her soft skin and waited for the new life to respond but when there was none, he knew that mother and child were sleeping.

**Note from author:**

Remember don't forget to review…and yes I'm not through with the angst….Take care! Penny


	102. Chapter 102

**Chapter One Hundred Two:**

Grissom sat the coffee cup in the sink and stopped when he heard the shower turn on and knew that she was awake. He started for the door in hopes of joining her when his phone rang. Grissom checked the caller ID and groaned when he saw that it was Greg.

"Greg, she needs to rest. Perhaps you can come by tomorrow," said Grissom.

"I know that. I just wanted to let you know we found Sara's gun."

"Her gun?" asked Grissom.

"Yeah, it was in the floorboard of her vehicle. She must have lost it trying to get out or something," said Greg. "Do you want me…" Greg shrugged his shoulder when he heard the click.

Grissom stood in the doorway of the bathroom, "How did you lose your gun?"

"I dropped it when I was trying to get out of the Denali. It snagged on something when I tried to crawl out of the window," she said softly.

"How would you have been able to shoot him if you didn't have your gun?" yelled Grissom.

"He gave me his," said Sara as she stepped out of the tub and grabbed the towel wrapping it around her. "Gil, don't yell at me." She sniffled.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He said with his arms crossed.

"Because I knew you would be upset. See, I was right." She yelled back at him.

"What else have you not told me?" he demanded.

"Nothing," she said as she walked past him. He turned and watched as she dropped the towel and then put on a gown. She looked at him and knew she couldn't keep anything from him. She hurried to the kitchen to avoid his gaze only to be pursued.

She fixed a cup of tea for each and then retreated to the couch with Grissom on her heels. When she realized he wasn't about to let the subject drop, she sat the cup down and prepared for a session.

"I didn't tell you everything," she said as she played with the lace on the front of the gown.

Grissom sat down across from her avoiding his usual spot beside her and looked at her so intensely she began to squirm. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"He told me some things that explained why he…did what he did."

"Really? What did he tell you Sara?"

Sara told him everything, word for word as if she had recorded it on her brain. Grissom sat and watched her expressions as she told him. _You want to forgive him! You feel sorry for him. You feel…love for him?_

"Is he willing to go to the DA and admit that he raped you?"

"He admitted it to me. It was enough," she said softly.

"Do you realize what you're saying?" he asked.

She knew that he would be angry. It was part of the reason she had delayed telling him.

"I know exactly what I'm saying. I want it to be over. I want to move on. I need to for us and for this baby. Gil, I don't want to have to go before the DA and relive it all over. It's bad enough our family knows."

"Besides, we both know in light of what he admitted to me, he probably would have been sent to a drug and alcohol treatment facility and been out in just a few years. He's already volunteered himself for a sexual offenders program for several years in a row now. That's more than any judge would have given him."

"He raped you! You're just going to let him get away with it again?"

The "again" word made her flinch. _You think I let him get away with it?_

"This happened to me not you." Her statement made him flinch. _You think it doesn't hurt me what he did to you?_

"And you believe everything he told you?"

"It made sense. He never gave me any reason to believe he would ever hurt me. God, Grissom we had been together alone for so long. We worked, ate, played and sometimes even slept together…" she looked up at him suddenly and saw the pain etched in his face.

"You never told me you had slept with him before…"

"Wait..." She watched as he suddenly got up and was out the door before she could stop him.

"Gil!" she yelled as she watched him drive away. _I didn't mean it that way. Why would you think I had sex with him? _She slammed the door and leaned against it. _What kind of person does he think I am?_

It was as if he couldn't breathe. _Why didn't she tell me? Why would she hold something back like that? Wait, she told me she loved him like she does Nick. She would never sleep with Nick. Unless, she really did love him... What else has she not told me? _

He was startled by the phone as he looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Sara. _I'm not ready to talk with you. I can't talk with you right now._

He found himself driving. He had been doing that for the past couple of hours trying to sort out his feelings. _Hell! I shouldn't be this way. It happened a long time ago. What if she needs me? I need to go home. I need to…I need to get a handle on these feelings. _

He sat there in his vehicle staring at the door to the house. It had been awhile since he had been there. He wasn't sure why he had decided to come now only that if anyone could help him perhaps she could. He thought of Sara and knew that she would be upset to know where he was at that moment. He continued to curse at himself as he walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. In a moment she was there.

"I'm glad you're here," she said.

"I need you…" was all that he could manage to say. She had always been the type to conceal her feelings but at that moment his honesty made her pull him close to her just before closing the door behind them.

"It's been a long time," he said as he smiled at her. Lady Heather returned the smile.

Note from author:

Just another chapter before bed time… Take care Penny

P.S don't forget those reviews…We're going to have lots to talk about this week.


	103. Chapter 103

C**hapter One hundred three:**

When he finally came home, he found she had cleaned the house from top to bottom. She had called Nick and Warrick to come and help out and between the two, she had managed to empty all of the contents of the guest room entirely. Now it was bare.

She sat there on the deck with a cup of tea watching Bruno play in the back yard. He knew that she had not rested. He knew that it was his fault. He had checked his caller ID when he had gotten back into his vehicle to see that she had tried to call him four times. Each time she had not left a message. He now sat down beside her waiting for her to ask him where he had been but instead she remained silent.

"I'll get dinner," she said softly.

"I ate while I was out." _But_ _I cooked your favorite…_

There was a fragrance in the air that she couldn't quite place. Normally she wouldn't have paid much attention to it but with her hormones in an uproar, her senses were in overdrive. _It smells like…perfume._

She turned so that he did not see the hurt in her eyes. _He's been with someone else…NO! He would never do that. Not Grissom. What if he did it to get back at me? What if he actually thought I had sex with Patrick and was getting back at me but that's absurd!_

She returned inside with Bruno trailing along. She grabbed his leash and hurried out the front door. Grissom walked down and observed the bees. He tried to work but her silence bothered him. He cursed at his behavior and decided it was not worth having her hurt.

He hurried inside the house but grew angry when he found she was gone. He quickly opened the door and looked down the street. He swore when he didn't see her in sight. _She's not supposed to walk alone! She said she wouldn't. He just lives a few blocks from us…perhaps she's gone to see him... Stop! Sara is not like that! _

He started walking. He took their usual path and soon caught up with her sitting on the park bench as Bruno played with another dog.

"What do you think you're doing?" he demanded.

"Getting out," she said.

"Why didn't you come and get me? I would have come along. You're not supposed to go by yourself." He said.

"I'm supposed to have someone with me at all times but you go off and disappear for hours and then come home smelling of perfume…" She sniffled.

_I'm so stupid! _"Sara, wait. It's not what you think. You're jumping to conclusions." _Oh there's a great choice of words! I've just upgraded myself from stupid to idiot!_

"Really? Well, how does it feel to have the tables turned on you?"

She grabbed the leash placing it on Bruno and headed back to the house. Grissom walked a few steps behind. _What did she mean by that? _

Once back, she fed and watered Bruno leaving Grissom standing in the kitchen. He started to follow her to the couch but she stopped him.

"Don't!"

Her words hurt. He sat there in the kitchen and drank a cup of coffee wondering long it would be before she would calm down and talk with him. She sat there thumbing through a forensic book before throwing it onto the floor.

When he heard the thud, he came over and sat down in the chair. "Would you talk with me now?"

"Why? So you can break the rules? Of course, you could just add a rule that says what applies to you doesn't apply to me." Her voice dripped with venom. He knew that she was mad. Of course mad didn't quite fit her demeanor at this moment.

"Sara, I…"

"Yes let's do talk. Let's talk about trust." He flinched. _She's going for blood._

"I think we've talked about that before. How about we talk about…"

"It's my turn and therefore my session and I choose the topic of trust. What's the matter, don't you trust me?" _There_ _it is. The first thrust of the blade._

"Yes. I trust you. I don't…"

"Then act like it!" she yelled.

He felt the redness creeping into his face.

"Okay, Sara. Let's just get everything out in the open. I trust you but I don't trust that bastard and neither should you."

"I don't! I didn't have a choice out there in the desert and for your information I've slept with more men than just Patrick!" yelled Sara. _Don't say that. Please, don't…_

She stood up, "I've slept with Nick, Warrick and yes even Greg. Oh, let's not forget Brass. Call him up and he'll tell you I slept with him a lot when you were on your sabbatical."

Grissom leaned back and closed his eyes. His fellow Shakespeare's words echoed in his brain:

_'For where Love reigns, disturbing Jealousy  
Doth call himself Affection's sentinel;  
Gives false alarms, suggesteth mutiny,  
And in a peaceful hour doth cry 'Kill, kill!' _

"When you said you slept with Patrick, you meant just sleeping," he whispered.

"Yes! As you recall I told you I loved him like I love Nick. I would never have sex with Nick. What kind of person do you think I am!" she yelled.

He deserved it. He knew it. He knew there would be much groveling. He just wasn't prepared for what she did next. She went to the kitchen and pulled out the dinner she had cooked earlier and placed it on the table. She then set two places and placed a candle between the two plates lighting it after she heard the knock on the door.

"Would you get that?" she asked.

Grissom hurried to the door and opened it to find Brass standing there with a carton of milk. "She told me to bring the drinks," he mused.

Sara took the milk from Brass and kissed him gently on the cheeks. "Glad you could join me on such short notice. I fixed a wonderful dinner for Grissom but it seems he decided to eat out instead of with his wife." Grissom jerked his head in her direction as she poured the milk into the wine glasses and then placed the milk in the fridge. She motioned for Brass to sit down.

Grissom frowned as Brass intentionally took his spot at the table. He pulled up a chair and sat there while the two filled their plates and then toasted the meal with the glasses of milk.

_She's getting back at me. She cooks my favorite meal and then invites Brass to come and eat it. Wait! This takes time to fix. She must have fixed it earlier for me but I had dinner with Lady Heather. I didn't want to but she insisted! Shit!_

"So Grissom, what friend did you have dinner with?" asked Brass. _Just pull out your gun and shoot me now. Better yet, let Patrick do it! He's the one trying to take my wife! _

"Who said I had dinner with anyone?" he said as he watched Brass take a bite of his dinner. _Shut up Brass. Drop it. _ He glared at Brass hoping he would catch the meaning behind the words.

"It must have been someone since you came home smelling of perfume." glared Sara.

Jim's fork stopped in mid air and hung there as his eyes glanced from Sara to Grissom. _What the hell has he done now?_

She was waiting for him to say her name. It was on his tongue when the phone rang. _Thank you lord! _ sighed Grissom

"Grissom. I'll be there in twenty." He closed his phone and then grabbed his jacket. He walked over and kissed her fully on the lips. "I have to go to work. Enjoy your meal and if you feel the need, Brass is welcomed to stay and sleep with you."

Brass spewed his drink and looked at Grissom. "You're being really generous this evening," chuckled Brass.

"No, I'm being very trustful of my wife." He said as he leaned down and kissed her again. He grinned slightly when he saw the last kiss leave her breathless and then he was gone.

Brass leaned over, "Okay, tell me why the hell I'm sitting here eating my second dinner for the night?"

Sara sniffled, "He left earlier and was gone for hours."

"So"

"He came home smelling of perfume and he said he had eaten out."

"So he went to a restaurant and ate by himself. Sara, he was a bachelor for years. He did that all the time."

"I recognized the perfume," she sniffled.

Brass looked at her. _Please tell me the bastard was not with Lady Heather. He wouldn't be that stupid…_

"It belongs to Lady Heather," said Sara. "I think he was with Lady Heather."

_Nope, he's more than stupid, he's an idiot! I'm going to kick his ass…_

**Note from author:**

Don't forget to leave a review! Some of you continue to go back to the old chapters and leave reviews. Thanks so much. Please be careful and only comment about that particular chapter. If you comment on something from a later chapter some folks are sending me private message wondering what the reader meant! Also, please make sure you have activated your reply comment so if you leave a really cool review I can respond. I do try to leave one every now and then just to say hey I know you're still reading and it really matters when you take the time to leave a review. Take care! Penny


	104. Chapter 104

**Chapter One Hundred Four:**

Sara glanced at her watch. She had not even made it to the lab when she was called on a 419. She met Brass at the entrance of the house and filled her in.

"Husband killed his wife and then turned the gun on himself. The children have not been located yet." He looked at her and she patted him on the shoulder.

"You owe me dinner soon," she said quietly. The dark circles had returned under her eyes.

"You've got it kid," he said as he walked back to continue interviewing the neighbors.

She started in the living room. She sighed when she saw the amount of blood evidence on the floor. She began placing the number tags down on the floor as the blood slowly led her to the hallway. Once there, she found the first body, the man. She completed processing the body and then stood up.

She stretched and tried to work out the kink in her neck but was unable to do so. She surveyed the house and knew that at this rate, she would be working a double. Her back and neck were aching already. Brass popped in every now and then to check on her. He could tell that she was tiring but she did not complain.

"Sara, why don't you call in and have someone come and help," suggested Brass.

"I'm not sure there is anyone else," said Sara. "We've been really busy. It seems everyone wants to get into the Christmas spirit and kill some one."

He chuckled. "You know, you've been hanging around me too long. Take a break."

"I'm okay. I just want to hurry up and finish."

Brass snuck outside and called Grissom. He could tell Sara was still upset from the night before and it was obvious the two had not spoken.

"What the hell were you thinking?" yelled Brass over the phone. Grissom ignored Brass as he tried to concentrate on the report that was due.

"Sara doesn't know. I just needed to talk with her. I got carried away with the time."

"Newsflash! Sara suspects it was Lady Heather. She told me!"

Grissom's face lost all expression. _She thinks I was with Lady Heather and she didn't say anything to me? _

"Did she seem upset?" asked Grissom.

"What do you think? She sniffled a few times. You make that girl cry the way she did when you went on sabbatical and I'll have your ass, got it?"

Grissom didn't reply. He suddenly felt very ashamed of his behavior. He was mad at Patrick and he was taking it out on Sara.

"Have you seen her?"

"Yes. She's working on a case in the next room. You had better get your ass out here and do some damage control."

Grissom grabbed his jacket and started for the door only to be stopped by Ecklie.

"Where's my report?" he asked. Grissom's shoulders slumped. His groveling would have to wait a little longer.

Brass heard someone enter the house and he walked into the living room to find Patrick standing there with his field kit in his hand.

"Are you relieving Sara?" he asked.

"I came to help. There was no one else available. You can stand guard if you like but I'm going to help." Patrick walked past him and headed to the bedroom where the woman was located. He glanced down at Sara but made no expression.

A couple of hours later he had finished the bedroom and Sara had started inspecting the other rooms. He stood there and watched as she walked into the children's room.

"You know you're going to need a room like this pretty soon," said Patrick as he walked in behind her.

Sara picked up the stuffed animal in the crib. She stopped and listened.

"Sara, what is it?" he asked.

She listened again but heard only the sound of the officers talking on the front porch.

"Get your men to be quiet," Patrick ordered to Brass. Brass started to argue but saw the look on Sara's face. "Do you hear something?"

She nodded. He quickly made the men stop talking.

Patrick looked at Sara, "Montgomery case?"

Sara nodded.

Patrick immediately began tapping on the walls and stomping his feet. It hit a hollow area and he smiled. "I think we've found it."

"Help me move this will you?" asked Patrick to Brass. They moved the table and pulled back the rug to find a trap door. Patrick opened it and they looked into the eyes of two small children.

"Good work, Sara!" said Patrick.

He went down below and handed each of them up. The oldest was about six years old while the youngest was a little over a year old. Social services would have to be called to take the children. In the meantime, Sara found a small suitcase and packed a bag for the children. She had the six year old pick out some toys for each of them before heading into the office.

Grissom looked up from his desk and smiled when he saw Sara carrying the baby.

"Want to explain to me where you got that?" he asked.

"We found two children locked in a secret room in the floor. Patrick has the other one." She said as she smiled at the baby.

"Patrick?" asked Grissom

"Yeah, he found the trap door. He…" she stopped when she saw the look on his face.

"He came out to help me. There wasn't anyone else. Brass was there the whole time." _He just won't let this drop. _

He left the subject drop when he saw Patrick approaching with the other child. The little boy ran up to Sara and hung on her leg. Patrick stayed back.

"You look like a natural," whispered Grissom. Sara beamed.

"I think this one needs to be changed. Want the honors?" she asked.

"No thanks. I can wait," said Grissom.

"I think they're hungry," said Sara. "Come to think of it, so am I."

Grissom walked with Sara to the break room as Patrick stood there and watched. The little boy ran back and grabbed his hand pulling him towards them.

Patrick kneeled down, "You'll be safe with Ms. And Mrs. Grissom. Go along with them and they'll get you something to eat." He gently pushed the boy forward but he returned and hugged Patrick before running to Sara.

Sara looked at the little boy and then at Patrick. They exchanged smiles. It was a half smile that she made but it was the first friendly gesture she had made to Patrick. Grissom felt his blood boil. He took Sara by the arm and led her down the hall.

Patrick walked away whistling. _She smiled. She smiled at me._

The boys were given a snack and then a woman from services arrived to pick them up. She helped the woman place the children in car seats and handed them each a toy along with the small suitcase. She waved as the lady drove away. Grissom stood and watched her as she swiped at her eyes before turning around and smiling.

"We don't always find them in time," she said. "It's nice when it ends like this."

"Sara, I need to talk with you," he said gently. _We both do…_

She followed Grissom to his office and was a little alarmed when he shut the door.

"I'm worried about you…"

"Wait. We need a new rule. If I can't say the "f" word then you can't say the "w" word."

He grinned, "Okay, I'm concerned. Don't let your guard down where Patrick is concerned."

"We've been through this before."

"He's trying to gain your trust again. Don't forget…"

"How can I? I live with that every day. Just because he does something nice doesn't mean I've forgotten! I'm reminded every day. Every time I go out, I have someone following me. You're always making sure you know where I am but of course that doesn't apply to your whereabouts. I…"

He could tell the anger and hurt was still there. "Look…" He closed his eyes trying to come up with the right words but when he opened them, she was no longer in front of him.

She was gone. _Shit! I hate him!_

**Note from author:**

Please continue to give reviews. I just read a nice review and thought to myself, I need to give that girl another chapter! Take care! Penny


	105. Chapter 105

**Chapter One hundred Five:**

He sulked. There wasn't much else to do. He didn't dare go after her for fear her anger would overflow followed by tears and then he would no longer fight the urge to kill Patrick but just carry it out and assign a case number to the body as he dragged the carcass to the morgue himself.

The thought made him smile and he knew that he was suffering from jealousy. He hated it. It would control him if he let it. It was a strange feeling that he had not experienced much but when he did the vision of Sara was usually involved. _Shit! Why didn't I wait until we were home to start this?_

The dropping of the case file onto his desk brought him back. Catherine stood there and looked at him.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear anything I just said?"

"I'm sorry Catherine. My head was somewhere else just now. What were you saying?"

"We have a body. Do you want to assign it to…"

"I'll take it," he said.

"I don't think you should."

"Why?"

"Because the person was dressed like a dominatrix and I think it will probably involve Lady Heather."

Grissom groaned. _Shoot me! Just shoot me. _

He picked up the file and looked at it.

"I'll take Sara with me."

"Have you been sniffing the formaldehyde or something but did I just hear you say you would take Sara with you?"

"Better to have her with me than against me."

"That makes no sense, Gil. No sense. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said.

"You said the "f"…"

He was already up and out of the office in search of Sara. He found her sitting at her desk. He placed the file on her desk and waited for her to look at it. She glanced at him and then opened it.

"I take it we may get to see Lady Heather at some point?" she asked.

"Yes, we probably will which is why I want you to come along."

She closed the file and handed it back to him. "I don't need to go out on this with you. Take one of the guys."

"Sara, I'm asking you to come along."

She looked at him for a moment and then grabbed her jacket. He smiled but she did not return the sentiment. _You smiled at him…I hate him. I hate him. _

Sara thumbed through the file as Grissom drove. Neither had said much on the way. He glanced at her from time to time but she kept her eyes diverted.

"Okay, Sara out with it." He said.

"I have nothing to say."

"Okay, I do. I've said this before but I'm w…I'm concerned. I don't want Patrick to get any wrong ideas."

"What do you mean by that?" she fumed.

_Now is not the time. Now is not the time. Now is not the time._

"Well? Are you going to answer me?"

"No, we'll finish this at home."

_Yes! We will! _ They both thought!

If the drive was uncomfortable then the next six hours were excruciating. _What was I thinking? _Grissom looked at the crime scene and then at Sara. One end of her mouth turned upward followed by the rest until she was grinning from ear to ear. Sex toys were displayed throughout the room. Brass was already commenting and chuckling to the officers. He suddenly hushed when Sara entered the room

"Hey Jim!" said Sara as she walked over and let her field kit drop to the floor making a thud.

"Sara? Whose idea was it to assign this case to you?" asked Brass.

"My husband," replied Sara as she watched Grissom's face begin to turn a deeper shade of red.

"Red doesn't look good on you Gil. Is it the embarrassment or your blood pressure?" he quipped.

"Sara, you can take the outside perimeter," said Grissom as he sat his field kit down beside him. _Please don't argue Please don't argue! Please please please _

"No need, Nick is lead worker this week and he's already covered the outside perimeter. He thought you would want to work the inside personally," smiled Brass. _Shit!_

_I can get through this. I can get through this…_

"Great, we'll get started in here," said Grissom as he started with the body.

"What's this?" asked Sara as she picked up a sex toy and waved it in Grissom's direction. _Oh I know what that it. Lady Heather showed me one of those one night when I… shit!_

"I will be happy to explain or demonstrate anything you may find in this room," came a voice from behind. Grissom didn't need to turn around. It was Lady Heather. _I think I feel one of those panic attacks coming on._

**Note from author:**

Some of these reviews are hysterical but bribes will get you another chapter. Continue to leave the reviews….Take care! Penny


	106. Chapter 106

**Chapter One Hundred Six**

Sara watched as Lady Heather sauntered over and stood beside her. She started to take the object from Sara's hand but she pulled it away. "I'm sorry but this may be evidence so I can't let you touch it."

Lady Heather smiled at her. "I remember you from the hospital. You were very sweet." She then glanced at Brass and her demeanor changed, "How could I forget you Mr. Brass. You always seem to be so sexually frustrated."

Jim's jaw dropped to the floor as Sara turned her head and tried not to snicker. Unfortunately, the other officers on duty heard the remark and suddenly there were several chuckles causing Brass to order them out of the house.

"I'm sorry. Did you say you came here to confess so I can slap these cuffs on you now? Oh but wait a minute, you would like that wouldn't you? Slaps and cuffs are right up your…"

"Jim.." warned Grissom.

Lady Heather turned and smiled at Grissom. "I was hoping I would get to see you again. How long has it been, a day or more?" Sara's smile faded. _I was right! _Grissom saw the look on Sara's face and knew that there would be more than just one session when they got home. He hoped he would have to work doubles.

"While it's always a pleasure to see you again, I'm not sure what you're doing here," said Grissom.

"I heard about the case on the police scanner," said Lady Heather.

"Wait. You listen to a scanner," asked Sara. Sara shot Grissom a look_. He doesn't like for me to listen anymore…_

"Yes. It's very stimulating to hear the urgency in the voices. Most men have an arousal when responding to any emergency or just listening to a call."

Sara smiled as she stared at Grissom. _I know she's not looking there! Sara!_

"I'm sorry. I didn't answer your question." Lady Heather pointed to the object in Sara's hand. "That is a leash for men who like to be led by…" Sara's face turned a light rosy shade as she glanced back at the item.

Grissom turned away to hide his grin. _How's it feel to be on the receiving end? _

"I think we can figure out most of these items but if we have any difficulty, we'll notify you. Again, why are you here?" asked Grissom.

"Belinda used to work with me a few years ago. She only recently moved back to Vegas. She wanted to get back into the business but there was a problem with her items being shipped so I loaned her mine," said Lady Heather as she fanned out her hands to the contents in the room. "I hope that I will be able to get these back."

"We'll try our best to get them back to you as soon as possible," said Grissom. "Now if you'll excuse us, we really have to get back to work but I'm sure Brass has a few questions for you."

"Yeah, like are you a natural bitch or do you have to work at it?"

"You see. You strike at me because you're sexually frustrated. I could help you with that. Why don't you come by the next time Gil comes…"_ Oh no she didn't! Did she just imply Grissom…_Sara glared at Grissom. _Double… double… I need to work a double. _

"Heather, why don't we go outside so I can get some more information about Belinda," said Grissom. He walked over and took her by the elbow but Sara blocked his departure.

"I'm sorry, dear but you need to finish processing the body. I'll be glad to take Lady Heather outside for a talk." _Did she say talk? _

Sara took Heather's other arm and walked her toward the door. Grissom stood and watched as they disappeared.

"Dead man walking," chuckled Brass as Grissom walked to the doorway and tried to see where they had gone.

"She's right. You are sexually frustrated!" muttered Grissom.

"Yeah? Well, you're going to be joining me after Sara talks with Lady Bondage."

**Note from author:**

Call this an early Christmas present. Now, continue with the reviews as I continue to try to figure out what I'm doing with these other chapters…Take care! Penny


	107. Chapter 107

**Chapter One Hundred Seven:**

Grissom ignored the comment and returned to processing the evidence. He kept his head lowered the remainder of the hour and was relieved when he finished with the room.

"Where's Sara?" asked Grissom.

"She left," said Nick. "Her shift ended a little while ago."

_Good, she's gone home. _

Nick walked over and whispered to Grissom, "She didn't seem too happy after talking with Lady Heather." _Shit!_

Grissom was stuck. He had to finish the site. He wanted to go after her. _What did they talk about? What if she told Sara? What is Lady Heather up to? She promised! _

"Griss, you don't look too good. Your face is turning green," said Nick.

"I'm fine!" yelled Grissom.

"You said the "f"…"

"I know!" yelled Grissom as he stalked off.

"What's the matter with him?" asked Warrick who had come up in the middle of the conversation.

"Sara left after talking with Lady Heather."

Warrick whistled. "I better give him my attorney's name. He may need it."

"You don't mean that! Those two were made for each other. Sara would never… Grissom's not capable of…You're just plain wrong man," said Nick.

Sara sat across from Lady Heather as she poured her a cup of tea. She glanced around the home and was astonished at its beauty. _Nice! _

"I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to follow me home. Do you think that was wise? I may be a prime suspect in the case," purred Lady Heather.

"You had nothing to do with the murder," said Sara matter of fact.

"What makes you think that?" she asked surprisingly.

"Grissom has good taste in women," said Sara. _Did I just say that? I meant to say people!_

"Yes he does," said Lady Heather. "I was most pleased he had finally taken my advice and asked you to marry him. He had been trying to get up the nerve for over a year."

_A year?_

"It took him years just to get the nerve to initiate a relationship with you. He's come a long way. I'm proud of his progress." _Okay I have to ask… NO! I don't want to know. Yes! I have to know. No! I can't ask._

Lady Heather saw the display of emotions and she laughed. "You're very much like him. Does he talk about me?" _Hell no!_

"I know he considers you a friend. A close friend," added Sara.

"I'm also his therapist," she said. Sara dropped the spoon on the saucer causing it to clang. _Shit!_

"Does that surprise you?" Lady Heather sat back and contemplated Sara.

"It depends on the therapy, said Sara. _If she says sex…I'm going to…._

I specialize in two types of therapy, sexual and behavior."

_Well, I know he doesn't have a problem in either…. I have to know! No! I don't Yes I do! No! I can't! It's private….If she says sexual I'm taking her down…._

Sara decided not to ask.

Lady Heather smiled. "It's sexual…" _Oh no she didn't! That's it! That bitch is mine…_

There was a knock at the door and Lady Heather excused herself. Sara sat there fuming. The thought of that woman touching Grissom made her blood pressure soar! _Grissom has no problem in that area! What is she trying to pull? Well, she picked the wrong person to mess with! He's so going to get it when I get home!_

Lady Heather returned and smiled at Sara. "It seems Gil decided to come by also."

Sara looked up to see Grissom standing there. One look on her face told him he was in trouble. He glanced at Sara and then Lady Heather.

"Sara? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same thing," said Sara.

"I needed to ask Lady Heather a few questions. I thought you went home. It's late. You need your rest."

"That's very thoughtful of you but I'm not ready to leave just yet. You can just go back with Nick."

"Nick got a ride with Warrick so I borrowed his car. I didn't see our vehicle out front." _If I did I never would have stopped. Shit! This keeps getting worse and worse!_

Lady Heather stood and smiled as she watched the sexual tension between the two escalate.

"Gil, since Sara is here, would you like to do a session here with her present?" Grissom's face lost all expression as Sara crossed her arms and glared at him.

He came and sat down beside Sara. Lady Heather handed him a cup of tea. He avoided Sara's face and took a sip. "Lady Heather has been helping me deal with some issues that have come up." He said quietly.

"I know. She told me," said Sara.

Grissom jerked his head up and glared at Lady Heather. "What did she tell you?"

"Gee Gilbert. Why don't you tell me yourself?"

"Sara…"

Lady Heather sat back and watched Grissom. "Gil, tell her."

"Yes, Gilbert. Why don't you?"

"I uhm I'm having problems with jealousy." He took another sip of tea avoiding eye contact with Sara.

"Lady Heather said it was sex." Grissom spewed the tea.

"I don't have a problem with sex."

"Yes, you do," said Lady Heather. "It bothers you that Sara has been intimate with someone else besides yourself. You're angry with her and this other person. You're jealous."

Sara was speechless. She was out the door before he could stop her. He quickly ran after her grabbing her by the arm. "Sara!"

"Let go of my arm! It's not that I had a choice in the intimacy but if you have to be angry then be angry. I haven't done anything to cause the jealousy."

'Yes, you did," he said quietly.

Sara fumed, "Are we back on that smile? The smile that I gave when I felt our baby move. The smile that was not intended for him anyway!" She was yelling by this time.

"I'm sorry. I saw how he reacted. He smiled back at you. It made me jealous."

"You have no right to direct your anger at me. You have no right to be talking about our private life to anyone but me. That hurt… it really hurt…" She swiped at her eyes.

"Sara, let me explain."

"I think you've explained enough."

"No, I haven't. I see how he looks at you and I want to kill him. He goes by your desk all the time when you're not around. Now, he makes excuses to go to the lab or the break room whenever you're there. He thinks I don't notice these things but I do. They're the same things I've been doing for years."

She stopped and looked at him. "Has this helped? Talking with her?"

"Until now. I meant to tell you but I didn't want to admit he bothered me so much. I hate him Sara. I really hate him. I don't think I've ever felt like that toward anyone before."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I uhm…I think I need to go home now." She turned and started to get into the vehicle but turned and gave him a kiss. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she quickly got into the vehicle and drove away.

_Shit! I made her feel guilty again!_

**Note from author:**

**Okay, so we have survived our first encounter with LH. Please continue to review. I continue to read and chuckle. They are so insightful. Take care! Penny**


	108. Chapter 108

**Chapter One Hundred Eight:**

Sara stood in the guest room and stared at the walls. Nick and Warrick had removed the furniture and now the room was bare. She ran her hands along the walls and wondered what it would be like in a few months. _A few months…_

Sara began to clean. She needed to work. She needed to keep her mind off Grissom. She felt the guilt wash over her and the tears began but she was determined to finish the room.

She swiped at the tears as they began to fall one by one until she could no longer see the walls or the floor. It was then that she sat there in the floor until the tears had passed and she could get back to work.

She washed the walls and vacuumed and then stood and stared at the room. It was still bare. She glanced at her watch and then began pulling out the contents from the closet. She pulled her hair back and continued working.

Grissom found her asleep on the couch. He gently made his way through the kitchen and grabbed something to drink. He glanced at the kitchen table and noticed the partially used wallpaper border. _She's cleaning again._

He opened the guest room and stared. She had completed the painting but the wallpaper was incomplete. There was a book with several pages marked and he smiled when he noticed she had ordered the baby furniture. He closed the book and then stared at the walls.

He rolled up his sleeves and began working. He need to work. He needed to keep his mind off Sara. He had hurt her. He had really hurt her. He cursed under his breath at his behavior the last few days. He had finished the last wall when she came and stood in the doorway.

"It looks nice," she said.

"I like the furniture you picked out. I don't even think there is any assembly required," he said as he grinned at her.

"I can do it if there is. I'm pretty good at that kind of thing." She said.

"Yes, you are. You can fix just about anything…even me."

She looked away when he said that. "Sara, I'm sorry. I never told Lady Heather what happened. I only told her that I was jealous of you and a person from your past. She didn't know what really happened."

"But you thought she could help you rather than me… your wife."

"Sara, I've told you before. I'm new at this. I've never had to deal with some of these emotions before. Heather has always been able to let me talk without the fear that she may say something to someone else or she might judge me for my faults…" _That didn't come out right! Shit!_

"Wait! I don't discuss our personal conversations with the others. I would never do that. I know the difference between husband/wife talks versus friends/family talks and I don't judge you! Look, it seems that I have a lot of things about my past that bother you. I'm sorry." She turned and walked out leaving him standing there.

He immediately pursued her. He wasn't about to let this go any further. He found her in the kitchen pouring a glass of orange juice.

"Sara, I seem to be putting my foot in my mouth these days. I didn't mean it the way it came out."

"It doesn't matter. I'm tired and I just want to get some sleep before work."

She left him standing there as she went to bed. He decided to give her a moment alone before coming into the bedroom. He ducked into the bathroom and showered quickly before joining her in bed. He reached over to kiss her but felt the wetness on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Sara. I don't seem to make you happy these days. I'm sorry." He pulled her close and she didn't resist. "I'm acting like an ass and I know it. You're mine and mine alone. Just the thought of what he did to you makes my blood boil. And yes, I've been with others and it's a double standard but I've never been jealous of anyone before. It's not your fault. You've done nothing to cause me to be jealous and you should never feel guilty about your past. I'm sorry if I have ever caused you to be." He kissed her tenderly on the forehead before he continued.

"I've been fortunate that I've hidden what little life I had before you so well that I pray it never rears its ugly head. I hope that you will remember that despite acting like an ass I really do love and adore you."

He turned so that they were looking eye to eye. "Patrick scares the hell out of me. I look at him and I see Natalie. She didn't appear to be much of a threat to anyone until she snapped. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you or the baby. Forgive me if I tried to deal with these emotions without bringing them to you but I felt you had enough to worry about without having to deal with a very jealous husband."

"You have no reason to be jealous. I don't love him I never loved him and I never forget what he did to me…every time I see him I am reminded of that."

"I think that's part of the reason why I'm so angry all the time. I'm sorry. I hate that I can't shield you from him. I feel I'm letting you down as a husband."

"You're not letting me down except when you act like an ass and break the rules by leaving mad without so much as answering my calls and going to that woman. I won't even mention the nice dinner I cooked or the amount of time I spent home alone when you could have been here…"

He grabbed her lips with his and thrust his tongue deeply within her making her tingle all over. She gasped for air when he broke the kiss. His kisses trailed down her neck following the slow descent to her breast and he grinned when he felt the familiar snap on the new bra he had purchased.

His mouth enclosed the nipple sending raw sensations throughout her body. He stripped her of her clothing and marveled at the protruding mound. He kissed every inch of her stomach as he felt it move from side to side.

She giggled when the baby seemed to react to the onslaught of kisses. "I think she's going to like your kisses as much as I do," she whispered.

His fingertips gently caressed the area below the mound and Sara found herself grasping for him. His lovemaking was gentle and he smiled with every groan from her mouth. He might be good at putting his foot in his mouth but he knew she loved it when he groveled…

**Note from author:**

Continue with those reviews. It was such a nice place to stop….sigh….Yes, I intentionally used "she" up there in referring to the baby….Take care! Penny


	109. Chapter 109

**Chapter One Hundred Nine:**

It was a dream but a very pleasant dream. The scent of the rose was overpowering. She rolled over to his side hoping to feel his warmth but the sheets were cool. She jerked herself awake to stare at the emptiness of the room. _He's gone._

He had made love to her ever so gently and after she had slept for awhile, he had done it again. She stretched and felt a bit of the soreness he warned she would feel but she didn't mind. She had needed to be loved but she never dreamed she would feel cherished.

A single red rose lay on his pillow and she smiled. She picked up the rose and brought it to her nose taking in the sweet fragrance. Grissom could be romantic at times and today, was one of those.

She sat up and wondered where he was. Looking at the clock she knew that he would still be home. She swung her legs over the bed and grabbed her robe that had been thrown onto the floor earlier. She slipped on the house shoes and went in search of him.

She found another rose lying at the bedroom door and she placed it with the other as she carried them toward the kitchen. She smiled when she saw another rose lying on the kitchen counter. She collected it and turned to open the fridge only to grin when she saw another rose attached to the door of the fridge.

She poured herself a glass of juice and then strolled out onto the deck. Bruno came running up to her and she grinned when she saw a rose sitting on her favorite chair. She plucked it up and then smiled when she saw the trail of roses leading down to the bees. She carefully picked up each rose that led to the door of the bee house. Once there she stood and watched as he recorded the daily data and smiled when he saw her standing there.

"Good! I'm glad you're awake and you've found the roses. I was getting a bit worried they would wilt before you woke." He leaned over and kissed her whispering softly into her ear.

"Have you found them all?"

"Let's see, I count ten," she said. He frowned. "I think you've missed a few." Her smile was replaced with curiosity followed by bewilderment.

"Why don't I help you," he said as he guided her back to the house. They entered the living room and she smiled when he opened the door to the baby room and she immediately saw a rose on the floor.

"That's eleven," she said.

"There's more."

She opened the door fully and smiled.

"I paid a little extra for next day delivery," he said. She walked around the room and stared at the baby furniture. The room was no longer bare. It now contained a baby bed with a changing table, a chest containing several baby blankets along with a lamp. A baby monitor sat on the chest as well as a single rose.

Her fingers traced the delicate wood markings on the high back rocking chair. He had added some shelves filled with books and toys. He opened the closet and she smiled at the small lacy hangers. There were a few outfits hanging that she did not recognize and he shrugged. "I couldn't resist."

She sat down in the rocker and found herself rocking back and forth. He smiled as he watched her eyes wander across the room taking in each detail. It was finished. Well, almost. She protectively caressed her tummy and for a moment the sight of her caught his breath. _My Sara._

He wasn't quite sure why suddenly he felt a lump in his throat. Perhaps it was because he had never dreamed he would ever love someone much less be loved. He had wasted so much time with her. He wondered if he had been more assertive and confident years ago they would have more than one child by now. He would never know. One thing was certain; he didn't want to waste any more time. He knelt down beside her and serenaded her:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height  
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.  
I love thee to the level of everyday's  
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.  
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;  
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.  
I love thee with a passion put to use  
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.  
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose  
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,  
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,  
I shall but love thee better after death.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Brown eyes met blue and she smiled. It just wasn't any ordinary smile, it was the smile. He had missed that smile. The one that would inch its way across her face whether she wanted to smile or not. It was a special smile.

He had only seen glimpses of it in the last nine years. No, it wasn't just an ordinary smile but one that reflected her inner self. At this moment, Sara was happy, deliriously happy and he was content to know that the smile was meant for him.

He kissed her tenderly on the lips. The kiss tasted a bit salty but he didn't mind. He knew the kiss was just intermingled with tears of joy. He could accept those tears, today.

"I love you, Sara," he whispered. "Happy?" he asked.

"Happy," she whispered and they were.

**Note from Author:**

I got carried away writing this morning and lost all track of time. I am going to post another chapter before diving back into the story. Please continue with the honor system and give a review for each chapter. The reviews have inspired me. Okay, so perhaps I am giving you a little fluff because I've read forward a bit to remind myself what's coming…we need a little fluff now.

Take care! Penny


	110. Chapter 110

**Chapter One Hundred and Ten:**

It was a peaceful sleep. He had not enjoyed one in awhile. He guessed it was because he had insisted on a session immediately after shift. They used to do that. For some reason over time, they had skipped a day here or there and soon there were only sessions when the tension was so high and the emotions were so rampant that what was once enjoyable had become a chore. Now, things were different.

The rules were placed on the fridge and held up with a magnet. She smiled at the list:

First, there has to be trust. Whatever we tell one another is not shared with anyone else.

Second, no matter what we say, the other can not get mad or at least leave mad. We have to talk it through.

Third, we keep this separate from the office.

Fourth, it's no longer Sidle or Grissom

Fifth, if we can't sleep together then we don't need to be together

Six, the person who hurts the other is on kitchen and toilet detail

Seven, if you can't follow rule #2 then no more chances.

Eight, one can not exist without the other

Nine, we share the good and the bad

Ten, no saying "I'm fine."

Eleven, no saying "I'm worried"

Twelve, session is required every day, no exceptions

She stood there reading each one over and over. Their relationship had been built on the sessions. They were simple and most were kind of obsolete now but she kept them anyway as a reminder of how far they had come.

They had come up with a few others over time but these were the ones that meant the most to them for each had a special memory. He pulled her close and placed his hands on her mound. They were warm and they felt the life inside her.

"She's very active today."

"I'm surprised. I think we kept her up last night."

"You don't think our lovemaking actually…"

Sara chuckled as he struggled with the thought.

"No, it doesn't really bother her. If anything, it probably lulls her to sleep."

"Ready for the doctor appointment next week?"

"No. The nurse will probably say something mean about my weight. I swear I cringe every time I see that woman."

Grissom grinned. Sara had adored the woman until the weight issue came up. "You'll be fine."

"You said the "f" word."

"That rule was actually meant for you rather than me." He said as he kissed her.

"Not any more. These are our rules." She said with a grin.

"Should I grovel some more?" he asked.

"Most definitely," she replied. And so he did and she loved it.

Grissom smiled when he remembered their conversation the night before.

"I think we need a session," he said quietly. She bobbed her head up from his chest trying to read his expression but he only gently pushed her back down giving her a kiss before proceeding.

"I think we need to talk about her," he said.

"Her?"

He grinned, "Our baby."

"Okay. Shouldn't we be thinking of a name?" she asked.

"Yes and we should be thinking about other things also," he said.

"Like what?"

"We need to think about our wills…"

Her head bobbed back up and she escaped before he could grab her this time.

"Wills?"

"Yes, wills" he said as he sat up in bed. "Sara, we need to make arrangements for her in the event something happens to us."

"Oh," came her reply. She leaned up against him and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

"Is it really necessary to be doing this now? She isn't even here and we're already talking about giving her away."

"Would you want to leave it up to someone else?"

"No!"

"Good. I think we should leave her to Catherine."

"No."

"Okay, how about Brass? I know he's a bachelor but he would take good care of her. She wouldn't be allowed to date until she was in her thirties but then again you didn't do too bad in your thirties." He received a slight hit for the remark.

"No."

"Okay, what about Nick?"

"No."

"Okay, what about Warrick? Although I'm not sure he's father material yet. He's still struggling with the divorce thing."

"No."

"Sara, that leaves Greg. I'm not sure about Greg."

"Neither am I, not yet any way."

"Okay, why don't you tell me what you want to do?"

"I don't want to leave her," she said with a sniffle. He grinned and kissed the palm of her hand.

"Neither do I. Sara, it will probably never happen but if it does, we can know that she is taken care of. She will be with someone who loves her and will care for her and protect her."

He hugged her close. "Let's try again. What about Catherine?"

"No."

"Brass?"

"No."

"Nick?"

"No."

"Warrick?"

"No."

"Greg?"

"No."

He sighed. "Sara, we're not getting anywhere. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Who would you trust her with?"

"Lady Heather."

He smirked. She didn't. "You're joking, right?"

"No, I'm not."

"Lady Heather is not even considered in our circle of friends. You would actually trust our daughter with her?"

"Yes."

"I have to hear your explanation."

"Lady Heather is very intelligent. She would make sure our daughter grows up to be a very bright, confident and strong woman. She would kill anyone who tried to harm her and she would make sure that no man ever hurt her."

Grissom was quiet. It was true. "You know, she blames herself for the loss of her own daughter. She feels she didn't show her enough love while she was growing up. She seems to be making up for it with her granddaughter."

"All the reason to place the care of our child with her. She would never make the same mistake twice. She's too smart. Besides, she loves you."

"She does not!"

"Yes, she does. I've seen the way she looks at you when you're vulnerable. She loves you."

"I'm not sure I want to leave her to Lady Heather even if she is a good friend to me."

Sara sighed. "We're not getting anywhere. Let's just talk about names."

"We have to settle this."

"Okay, how about we leave her to Lady Heather and Brass?" asked Sara.

"You can't be serious!"

"They would make a good parenting team. They each had daughters. They know the pitfalls of this world and they would never let anything happen to her."

"Sara, they would need to communicate. They would need to be able to sit down and talk about our daughter without insulting one another. I'm not sure that would ever happen."

"Okay, we'll invite them over for dinner and ask them. If they can't get along then we go with someone else."

"I think that would hurt Jim if we passed him over. He's really fond of you."

"I love him too but we need to do what is best for her. She will need a mother and a father."

"I agree."

She sniffled again.

"Sara?"

"Yeah"

"Don't ever leave me."

She smiled.

**Note from author:**

Okay, for those of you who know me, I sometimes get my ideas from my dreams! LOL I actually dreamed this so of course I had to write it into the story. If anything, you should enjoy the interaction between Lady Heather and Brass. Take care! Penny


	111. Chapter 111

**Chapter One Hundred Eleven:**

"You're not serious!" said Brass.

"Sara's very serious," said Grissom.

"When did she become so chummy with Lady Bondage," asked Brass.

"Jim, you're going to have to stop the name calling if you want to be the god father to Sara Belle."

"Sara Belle?"

"Yes."

"So you've picked out a name."

"Yes, I did. Sara left it up to me after some persuasion."

"Oh I can just imagine what persuasion you used," chuckled Brass.

Grissom frowned before mumbling, "It only cost me two smoothies."

"Have you even spoken with Lady …Heather about this?"

"Sara is going over there today to invite her."

"I think this is crazy."

"Jim. She's serious."

"I'm serious. The woman is a menace."

"Are you talking about Sara or Lady Heather?"

"Lady Heather. I'll do anything for Sara but this is asking a lot."

"She's been really happy lately. Don't hurt her!" warned Grissom.

"She has, hasn't she?"

"Yes, she has and I'm not about to let that change so get your ass in gear."

"That's something I would say."

"Glad we agree," said Grissom. Brass grinned.

Sara waited at the door nervously. She felt a bit awkward. She had not told Grissom quite everything and she felt a bit guilty. She had been coming to see Lady Heather for some time now. At first, it was just tea. Lady Heather had called and insisted she come so she could apologize for the way she had told Sara about Grissom's therapy.

Lady Heather wanted Grissom to come face to face with his greatest fear. Grissom was no different than any man even if he had chosen to hide for years behind a microscope. Once he had opened up and let Sara in, he had the same primal urges as the next man only more intense because of his fear of losing her.

She opened the door and smiled at Sara. They had formed a strange friendship. Over time, she had guessed that Sara had been raped. She didn't ask her out right but rather divulged her own secret. Lady Heather had been raped before. She insisted it was not the reason for her choice of occupations but it did help her work through her feelings of helplessness.

She gave the explicit details of the rape and never flinched when she told it to Sara. She had wanted to tell Lady Heather then but she resisted the temptation. It had been something she had shared with Grissom only. After a few more visits, she told her one evening. She was surprised how she was able to tell it without the pain. Lady Heather smiled and complimented her on distancing herself from the pain but embracing it inwardly.

They often spoke of relationships and Sara found herself talking about their sessions. She admitted to Sara that she had never met anyone quite like Grissom and had fantasized about him. Initially it had made Sara a bit nervous. In comparison, Sara did not feel she was as beautiful or smart as Lady Heather. She was surprised when Lady Heather told her the same thing.

"Grissom is a rare gem. He mates for life. He will love you until his last breath. You should never worry about his fidelity. Grissom is incapable of loving anyone else."

Sara saw the sadness in her eyes as she spoke these words.

"You love him don't you?"

She smiled. "I'm not sure I'm capable of that kind of love. I prefer to use men to meet my physical needs. I've never needed a man for anything else. When I first met Grissom, I thought I could try but then I immediately saw someone else in his heart. He just didn't want to admit it."

"When the feelings got to be too strong, he came to me for help. He thought I could rationalize the pitfalls of loving someone. He soon realized that once you love someone, it's hard to stop especially for someone like him."

"You're a lot like him. It's the reason the rape has bothered you so much. It happened by someone you loved. You loved Patrick on a different level but the loss of the trust hurt you far more than the rape."

Sara was startled back to the present when she felt the warm hand upon her arm.

"Sara, are you alright?"

"I'm great. I needed to ask you something," began Sara.

"Would you like to sit?"

"I can't stay long. I have to get into work. I uhm I…"

Lady Heather stared at her.

"I was wondering if you would consider being the god mother to our daughter, Sara Belle."

Lady Heather's face lost all expression.

"I know this is sudden but if you could come to dinner tonight; we would like to talk with you about being the god mother."

She said it so quickly she lost her breath as well as most of her nerve by this point and began inching her way back to the door.

She didn't expect it. She wasn't prepared for it but she suddenly found herself being embraced by Lady Heather. It was an awkward moment as she felt herself returning the embrace and then her smile came before she knew what she was doing.

"I would be honored. What time do I need to be there?" she asked.

"7:00 pm. We're going to take off early tonight."

"Good. 7:00 p.m."

Sara was back in her vehicle before she knew it. She hurried to the office and slumped down into her office chair. Grissom had not been in his office and she knew he would soon come looking for her. She groaned when she saw her shoe had come untied. _Why did I insist on wearing these tennis shoes? The slip ons are more practical._

She tried to bend over to tie the shoe but it was an impossible task. She huffed and then resigned to leaving it untied. She picked up the files and began working on them occasionally glancing down at the untied shoe. It was bothering her. She would wait and someone would come along and tie it for her. She was sure of it but the laces dangled on the floor as if mocking at her defeat. _Defeat the feet…You're bored Sara! _

She thought about the upcoming dinner and her heart began to race. _What if they argue? What if they both refuse? What are we going to do? _

She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes as she felt Sara Belle dancing around inside. "Go to sleep for mommy. Mommy needs to work. Mommy does not need you to kick her there. Mommy does not want to go to the bathroom with an untied shoe. Sara Belle, stop. Okay, I'm going. I'm going to get up and go to the bathroom."

She hadn't realized she had been talking out loud. She felt his warm hands on her shoulder and she smiled. The massage felt wonderful. She leaned back keeping her eyes closed as he worked out the tension in her muscles.

"Now if you could just tie my shoe, I'd kiss you," she said.

He leaned down and started to tie her shoe but Sara jumped when she came face to face with Patrick.

**Note from author:**

Okay, the hate mail had begun. I anticipated a few…some of you just don't like Lady Heather but I have never seen her as a threat but whenever you have Brass and LH there is humor! Give the reviews, please… yes it was time we brought Patrick back into the story for awhile…once I get enough reviews, I'll post again. Take care! Penny


	112. Chapter 112

**Chapter One Hundred Twelve:**

He reached for the shoe again but she pulled away. She struggled to get up but the near presence of him threw her off guard.

"I thought you were Grissom," she said. She used the desk for leverage as she pulled herself up and then backed away from him.

"I'm sorry. You used to like my massages. I didn't mean any harm."

"Don't ever do that again!" she said.

She took off towards the bathroom leaving him standing there at her desk.It had been a while since they had run into one another. She wasn't quite sure why his presence had bothered her so much. Perhaps it was the feel of his hands on her again. She glanced over her shoulder and fumed when she saw him following. _Shit!_

She felt herself falling as she stepped on the shoe lace. She tried to break the fall but it happened too quickly. She felt the air knocked from her lungs and the pain surged through her body as it made contact with the hard surface.

Suddenly there was a scurry of feet as she felt hands on her body. She gasped for air having found none in her lungs from the impact. She frantically reached for a hand and she grabbed the first one that was available. It was Patrick.

"Don't move, Sara. Stay put until we can check for any injuries."

She pulled away from his grasp but he wouldn't let go. "Don't move!"

"Let go! Don't touch me! I need Grissom. Get me Grissom!" She saw the pain in his eyes but he refused to let go of her hand.

"Patrick, let go of my…" she felt the first contraction and she gasped for air.

"Grissom! God, it's too soon. Please…" she cried.

He was suddenly there. He grabbed her hand from Patrick and kissed the palm. "Sara?"

"I fell. I wore my tennis shoes and I tripped over my shoe lace…I'm sorry…I didn't…oh….Grissom…I think I feel a contraction…Please make it stop, It's too soon."

_Don't panic! She needs me to stay calm. She needs me to be strong. Please God don't let this happen now. _

"I want you to lie on your side, okay? I'm going to roll you to your side." He gently moved her. "Better?"

She nodded.

"An ambulance is on its way but I need you to lie very still. Okay?"

She nodded. She gripped his hand tightly when she felt another contraction.

"Breathe through it Sara. Just breathe." She took a deep breath. He assessed her body for any broken bones. Her wrist was painful and he surmised she had tried to break her fall with her hand. It did not appear to be broken.

He gently rubbed her lower back making circular motions. The contraction passed.

"Better?" he whispered.

"Better."

He waited for the next one. She closed her eyes as she felt the next contraction and she gripped his hand tightly. He continued to rub her lower back and prayed the contractions would stop. _Please God, she can't lose this one. She can't lose Sara Belle. We can't…_

They waited for the next one.

None came.

"Sara, are you feeling any more pain?"

"No. My arm hurts a bit." She sniffled. "I'm sorry Gil. It's my…"

"Sara, stop it," he said gently. "It was an accident. It was just a fall. It's going to be okay. Sara Belle is going to be okay."

He waited. She waited. They heard the ambulance arrive. Grissom assisted the paramedics as they gently lifted her onto the gurney.

She refused to break contact with him and he walked with them smiling down at her from time to time trying to hide the fear. It was a short distance to the hospital. The wait in the ER was longer.

Grissom watched as she faded in and out of sleep. She had been given something for the pain and she had dozed off immediately. Her body had only sustained a few bruises and she has managed to injure her wrist but the baby was fine. He continued to watch the baby monitor and smiled when he noticed Sara Belle had hiccups. He wanted to wake Sara to show her but then felt she needed the rest.

She was awakened by the sound of the alarm on the machine when it had slipped off her stomach and the baby's heartbeat could no longer be detected. She jumped from the sound but Grissom calmed her by placing her hand on her stomach so she could feel Sara Belle squirming.

"She had hiccups earlier," he said.

"Really?" she said.

"Really."

"She's okay, Sara."

She let out a small sigh and winced when she tried to move.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?'

"What happened?"

She closed her eyes and sighed. She knew it would be a matter of time before he asked her about the events leading up to the fall.

"Patrick came up behind me and gave me a massage. I thought it was you. I told him if he would tie my shoe, I'd kiss him," she said softly.

Grissom continued to caress her stomach. His face remained expressionless.

"I never thought it was him. I mean, I didn't think he would ever touch me like that. I was tired and tense from thinking about dinner tonight. I suddenly felt these two hands on my shoulder giving me a massage and it felt great. The moment he leaned down and I saw his face I got up and headed for the bathroom. His touch sickened me; to know that it was him that gave me pleasure." She choked on the last statement and he leaned down to kiss her.

"I was hurrying to get some distance between us and when I looked back he was behind me. I stepped on the shoelace and fell. It was my fault. I never should have worn those shoes."

"Would you have hurried if he had not been there?"

"Sara Belle was kicking me hard. I needed to go to the bathroom…No. I wouldn't have hurried if he had not been there."

He pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed her palm.

"Gil?"

"I'll talk with him," he said. "He said he would keep his distance and he hasn't."

Brass arrived in the ER and asked for an update but was told to have a seat. He stood off in the corner by himself. He was surprised when she walked into the room. She was given the same information, nothing. Their eyes met but the animosity was gone.

She found herself drawn to him as he to her. She stood there face to face with him.

"Is she going to be alright?"

"Not sure. She fell."

Brass cursed when he saw Patrick enter the emergency room and inquire at the front desk.

"I bet she was trying to get away from him," sneered Brass. Lady Heather turned to stare at Patrick.

"Was he bothering her?" she asked.

"He's always bothering her. He's always around her. I would love nothing more than to string him up by the balls."

"That could be arranged," she said.

They shared a smile.

They waited.

Grissom eventually came out and was surprised to see the two standing there talking. He became furious when he saw Patrick standing near the coffee machine. He turned and their eyes met.

"Oh, shit!" said Brass.

Brass stood between Grissom and Patrick.

"Leave now!" demanded Grissom.

"I made a mistake. I never…"

He didn't finish the sentence. Patrick's head snapped as Grissom's hand connected with his jaw causing him to fall back against the machine.

Brass grabbed Grissom's arm. "He deserved that one. If he doesn't leave, it's my turn."

"Stay the hell away from Sara. She could have lost the baby because of your obsession. If you come near her again, I'll…."

"Gil!" said Brass.

Grissom glared at Patrick who quickly walked out of the emergency room. A security guard arrived and Brass talked with him quietly in a corner before returning beside Grissom.

Lady Heather grinned at Grissom. "Chivalry suits you. I would have kicked him in the…"

"How is she?" asked Brass.

"She's sore. She hurt her wrist from the fall. I think it's always going to give her some problems because of the previous fracture…"

"Gil, get to the baby," said Brass.

"Sara Belle is okay. There was no injury to her. No bleeding or contractions. They were false contractions."

Braxton Hicks? " asked Lady Heather.

"Yes. They're going to keep her for a few more hours and then let her go home. She's upset about the fall. She's also worried about the canceled dinner plans. We were hoping to get both of your decisions tonight."

"I'm good," said Brass. "As long as she doesn't say I'm sexually frustrated, I can do this."

"You mean you're going to be the god father?" she asked.

"Yes, I am," he said. "Got a problem with that?"

"No, you could be managed," she said.

"Honey, nobody manages me," he said.

"Jim, the person who is submissive is actually the person in control," said Grissom.

"I'm not getting into that dominatrix crap. Sometimes, a man just needs to let a woman know who's on top…"

"Missionary position. It explains a lot. There's more than one way to take..," she said.

"Missionary works for me. How do you like to be taken?" he asked.

Grissom glanced at the two before stepping back. "I don't need to hear anymore of this. I take it the answer is yes from both of you?"

"Yes," said Lady Heather.

Brass whipped his head around to stare at Lady Heather and then at Grissom.

"Yeah. I hope the tyke takes after Sara," said Brass. "Grissom would make an ugly woman."

"Do you always insult your friends?" She asked.

"No, I usually insult you but I have to be on my good behavior tonight if I'm going to get the job."

"Would you feel more comfortable insulting me?" she asked.

"Would you feel more comfortable if I pulled out my handcuffs and used them on you?" he replied.

Grissom walked away at that moment leaving the two to continue their talk. He shook his head as he returned to her room. _I hope Sara knows what she's doing…_

**Note from author:**

Okay, give me some reviews that are not so harsh. Please remember to make sure you have enabled your email so I can respond. Gslover123: I can't respond to you so I chuckled when you made the comment about the shoelaces…I'll post again after the next reviews come in. Please be patient- Patrick gets his soon enough…

P.S. As you may know, my story does not always go the way it appears so continue to read. Any one requesting a particular name for baby Grissom, speak now or live with Grissom's choice…. Take care! Penny


	113. Chapter 113

**Chapter One Hundred Thirteen:**

She was sore. She grimaced when she saw the purple and blue bruises to her body. Grissom had taken the tennis shoes away. All that remained at the foot of the bed were the slip ons now. She didn't complain. It had almost cost her Sara Belle. She swiped at the tears that threatened again as she ran the bath water.

Once the tub was full, she stepped in cautiously and let the warmth of the water soothe her aching body. She took the sponge and washed her body taking extra care around the bruises. Once that was complete she leaned back and soaked.

The warmth of the water made her drowsy. She smiled when she saw him standing in the doorway.

"Feeling Better?"

"Some" she said.

He came and sat down beside her and began washing her arms with the sponge. She didn't protest. It did not matter she had already done that. She craved his touch these days. It was comforting. As her body got larger, she wondered if he still found her attractive. One look at her bruises and swollen limbs made her doubt.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look today?" he asked.

She smiled. He told her that a lot these days.

He leaned over and kissed her squarely on the stomach. She giggled when the little mound kicked back.

He smiled. "I don't think I could ever get tired of that. It's amazing."

He rubbed her stomach and grinned each time he felt the baby move.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you scared?" He saw the confusion in her eyes and he clarified his statement, "Are you worried about Patrick?"

"No…yes. I don't ever want him to touch me again."

He leaned over and kissed her. _I'll kill him if he does. He's gone too far this time. _

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't get out."

His grin turned into a smile followed by a chuckle as he helped her out of the tub. She stood there as he toweled off her body. A few kisses were planted here and there.

"Nick called as well as Warrick, Greg and Catherine."

She smiled as she slipped on the robe before heading to the bed. He pulled the covers back and she slowly eased herself into bed.

"No work for you today."

"No complaints. I think I'm going to be very stiff when I wake up. Sit with me awhile?"

He got in bed and scooted over to gently pull her into his arms. All night he had thought of little else but Sara and her job. He continued to fight with his emotions on letting her continue to work. He desperately wanted to tell her to quit. _A few months ago I was trying to talk her into staying…I can't protect her now…hell I couldn't protect her then…She left because I didn't see the signs…I wonder what I'm missing now…don't do this…don't put doubt in your head Grissom…Sara needs your support…I have to know…she shouldn't have to choose…_

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"It's going to be difficult soon for you to work in the field. How long do you plan to continue working?"

"Most women work until their due date or until their doctor places them on bed rest."

He started to pull out his favorite book but she stopped him.

"I promise I won't go out into the field once I get into my eighth month."

"Or sooner if your doctor advises it. I would prefer…"

"I stay at home in bed until delivery."

He grinned, "I would prefer that you take a few days to recuperate. That was a nasty fall."

His fingers outlined the bruises on her thigh sending shock waves throughout her body. He grinned when he saw her eyes darken and he murmured "sorry," before pulling the robe over her body.

"Tease," she whispered.

"Believe me. It hurts me far worse than you at this moment," he said as he kissed her deeply. He groaned from the taste of her. She chuckled.

"As far as work goes, I trust your judgment. I know you won't place yourself or the baby's health in jeopardy."

"I did last night," she sniffled.

"That was not your fault." _It was Patrick's, the bastard._

She was quiet for a moment.

"Would you prefer that I not work?" _Yes! I don't want you near him._

"Do what…"

she interrupted him. "What would make you happy?" Y_ou, Sara. I just need you._

"Knowing that you're happy. I love you Sara." _Me too._

She kissed him and then handed him the book. He opened it and began reading about the sixth month. He noticed she had gotten quiet and smiled when he noticed she had fallen asleep. He placed his glasses and the book on the bed side table. He gently opened the robe to display her stomach and grinned.

"Just you and me Sara Belle," He chuckled when he received a light kick. "Just you and me."

Grissom opened the door to find Ecklie on the phone. He stood there impatiently waiting for Ecklie's full attention.

"How is she?"

"Some bruises. She injured her wrist again. Patrick caused the fall."

"I know," replied Ecklie as he looked at Grissom.

Grissom was stunned by the admission. He sat down across from Ecklie.

"I want him fired."

"I can't. Patrick's made some friends here. He's completely turned the swing shift around." Grissom stood again and started to speak when Ecklie raised his hand.

"What he did yesterday was inexcusable."

Ecklie pulled out Patrick's personnel file and handed it to Grissom. "I've had security keep an eye on him. We've documented every time he goes near Sara. We didn't have much to warrant a write up until he physically touched her. I had them replay the surveillance tapes…"

"What surveillance tapes?"

"I had three monitors installed last month. No one knows about them except me and now you. Gil, I saw how frightened Sara looked. She walked away from him but he followed her. He had no business doing that. He can't claim it was coincidence that he just happened to be heading in the same direction. He's been doing that a lot these days. He's been following her quite a bit." Ecklie leaned back in his chair.

"If she hadn't been looking over her shoulder, I doubt she would have fallen. She should feel safe and I know she doesn't. I wanted to fire him but my request was denied. He's been given a two week suspension without pay. When he comes back if he so much as comes near her, I'll fire him. I don't give a damn what they say. He's a walking time bomb."

Grissom sighed. "I appreciate this."

"Tell Sara, I'll support her any way I can."

Ecklie extended his hand and for the first time Grissom was glad to take it.

**Note from author:**

Give me the reviews so we can move on…Take care! Penny


	114. Chapter 114

**Chapter One Hundred Fourteen:**

"I can't believe they chose those two instead of one of us!" said Catherine.

"It's probably just a rumor," said Nick. "I just can't imagine Sara letting Lady Heather anywhere near her child. You know how rumors get started."

Nick poured himself a cup of coffee and smiled when he noticed it was Greg's special blend.

"Hey! You're not supposed to be drinking that! I made it for Grissom!" whined Greg.

"So Greg, what's the special occasion?" asked Warrick.

"Grissom slugged Patrick at the hospital last night!" announced Greg.

"Oh that. Brass told me. Grissom wanted to hurt him but Brass stopped him," said Catherine. "The man needs to be taken out and horse whipped."

"Lady Heather has a whip," smiled Nick.

"She could do it too," said Catherine.

Grissom walked in and stopped when he saw the stares. "What?"

"We uh heard about the smack down," smiled Greg.

Grissom ignored the comment and poured himself a cup of coffee. He smiled when he knew he had the good stuff.

"Thanks, Greg."

"Don't mention it."

"So what's this we hear about Brass and Lady Bondage?" smirked Nick.

"Are there listening devices or something in this place?" asked Grissom when he saw the scowl on Catherine's face.

"Judy overheard you and Brass in your office and she told Wendy who told Hodges who told…,"

Greg was stopped by Grissom. "Look, we consider all of you family but we needed someone who would have a level head when it comes to our daughter." _Shit!_

Catherine smiled. "So it's a girl!"

Grissom closed his eyes. _Why can't I keep secrets anymore?_

"Yes, it's a girl. Her name is Sara Belle."

"Wait! I don't get to be god mother or have her named after me?"

"I came up with the name," said Grissom.

Catherine continued to fume as she took a sip of coffee.

Nick and Warrick smiled.

"It kind of makes sense now," said Nick.

"What makes sense?" asked Grissom.

"Leaving her to Brass and that other woman," said Nick.

"How so?" asked Grissom.

"We would only spoil her but those guys have been through the ringer with their daughters and there is no way Sara Belle is going to get away with anything with those two."

Grissom smiled. _Unless she anything like Sara and then she'll have Brass wrapped around her little finger. Lady Heather wouldn't let her get away with much…I'm not sure about Lady Heather replacing Sara…no one can do that…_

His smile turned to a frown.

"Whose idea was it to name Lady Heather as godmother?" sneered Catherine.

"Sara's," said Grissom

"I think she hit her head when she fell," said Nick. Catherine nodded in agreement.

"She never liked Lady Heather!" said Catherine.

"She does now," said Grissom. "Enough to trust her with our child."

"Do you?" asked Warrick.

Grissom didn't comment. _I'm not sure I trust her with anyone. My little girl…my little Sara Belle_

The others looked at one another. Catherine smiled.

"I had a meeting with Ecklie this morning," said Grissom.

"Sara's coming back isn't she?" asked Greg.

"Patrick's been given a two week suspension," said Grissom as he peered over his glasses.

"Great! Wait, what did he do?" asked Nick.

"He's the reason Sara fell yesterday."

"I thought she tripped on her shoelace," said Greg.

Grissom retold the story as he watched Nick's face turned red.

"That bastard needs to be taught a lesson," said Nick.

"Is that why you hit him?" asked Catherine. "We thought you just got mad at him for showing up at the hospital."

Grissom nodded.

"How's Sara taking this?" asked Nick.

"She doesn't know about the suspension but I think it will help her to know that Ecklie is on our side."

"It's about damn time!" said Warrick.

"Ecklie's waiting for him to screw up again and then he's fired."

"That won't be long," said Catherine. "Have you noticed how many times he walks by Sara's desk or suddenly shows up if she's in the lab?"

"Yes and so has Ecklie. He's been watching Patrick."

"Maybe it would be best if she went on early maternity leave," said Catherine.

"It's her decision," said Grissom.

"Doesn't he live near you?" asked Nick

"Yes which is why we've been setting the alarm and Sara doesn't take any walks unless I'm with her. A neighbor watches each day when she goes to work. She's practically watched all the time," said Grissom.

"That's not fair," said Greg.

"No, it's not but I feel better knowing she's being watched by us rather than him," said Grissom as he distributed the assignments and then left.

Warrick watched as he left, "Must be hard on both of them and I thought I had troubles."

"Ex giving you a hard time?" asked Catherine as she poured herself a cup of coffee despite Greg's protests.

"More like family. They're pretty mad at the sudden marriage and then sudden divorce. It seems I'm suddenly not a good role model."

Nick snickered. "That could be a good thing."

"Hey guys, didn't Grissom say Patrick was on suspension?"

"Yeah," said Nick.

"Well, he just went down the hallway."

Nick and Warrick looked at one another and jumped up in pursuit of Patrick.

Grissom rubbed his temples as he tried to focus on the reports in front of him. He checked his watch and tried to concentrate but his thoughts turned to the day before. _We almost lost her. It could have been worse. Sara could have been hurt or …She could not handle the loss of this baby. I couldn't…_

He looked at the clutter on his desk and wished he had better organizational skills but then chuckled. There wasn't anything wrong with his skills but rather his lack of motivation. He sighed as he got up and began putting away the files sitting on his desk. He was surprised when he heard the door open and Patrick stood there.

"How's Sara?" asked Patrick.

"I believe I hit you yesterday would you like a repeat today?" asked Grissom.

"Look I screwed up yesterday. I didn't mean to scare her. I've been suspended for two weeks."

"Stay away from Sara."

"I will. I won't do that again. Is she okay?"

"Don't you get it? Every time you lay your hands on her she is reminded of what you did to her. If you really care about her you'll resign. Sara can't take another loss. I won't let that happen!"

Grissom stood eye to eye with Patrick

"Don't come near her again!"

Warrick and Nick stood outside the door. Patrick glanced back and glared at them.

"Don't worry; your boss is safe from me. You should ask him about his past. He's got a few skeletons of his own."

Grissom's jaw twitched at the threat.

"That's right. I know about…"

"Patrick, your threats or blackmail doesn't work with us. Get the hell out of Grissom's office," yelled Warrick.

He glared at Grissom before walking out.

"You better watch your back," said Nick to Grissom before walking out with Warrick.

"What do you think Patrick was going to say?" asked Nick.

"I don't care. I trust Grissom with my life. Besides, we're talking about Grissom," said Warrick.

Nick chuckled along with Warrick.

Grissom sat down at his desk with his head in his hands. _Shit! The bastard knows._

**Note from author:**

Yeah, I know you didn't see that coming…I couldn't resist to add a little bit of Grissom's past to mix things up. Please continue with the reviews. I'll post again as soon as they come in. Some are down right hysterical! Yes, we all want Patrick dead and believe me he will be dead by Christmas…but then we run into more angst….take care! Penny


	115. Chapter 115

**Chapter One Hundred Fifteen:**

"Gil, you can't be sure Patrick knows anything," said Brass as he took a drink.

Grissom motioned for the waiter as he finished his glass. "He knows. He's done his homework and he's waiting to play his final card to Sara."

"There's no need to tell her," said Brass.

"If I don't, he will. I would rather tell her myself," said Grissom.

"Then do it. I think you should have told her a long time ago," said Brass as he watched Grissom down another glass.

"I know I should but…I could never bring myself to tell her," said Grissom as he stared at the empty glass.

Brass placed his hand over the rim of the glass. "No more for you. You need to go home to Sara. Have you talked with her today?"

"No. Her physician gave her some pain medication to help her rest. I didn't want to take the chance of waking her. She's pretty sore from the fall."

"Go home. Listen, I'll talk to Sara if you need me to. I'll explain what happened…I remember…"

"It needs to come from me. I did it. I'm surprised she hasn't found out through the grapevine by now."

"There are only a handful of us around that remember. It's history. Wait and see if he makes a move to tell her. If he does, then tell her everything. She'll understand why you never mentioned it. She's not going to blame you."

"Why not? I blamed myself for years. I've lived with it all these years. Maybe I need to just come out and tell her." He raked his fingers through his hair and then let them rest on the rim of the whiskey glass.

He motioned for the waiter who filled the glass again and he lifted it to his lips.

"Last one, buddy. Don't make me carry you out of here. Sara will kick both of our asses," said Brass.

He managed to get another drink or two before Brass was hauling him out of the bar. His head hit the back of the head rest and he groaned.

"Serves you right for getting drunk. I can just hear Sara. We're both in trouble now," said Brass as he shut the car door and then ran over to the driver side.

He heard a noise and slapped at Grissom who had fallen asleep.

"Grissom! Get your ass up! Your phone's ringing!"

Grissom jerked awake and fumbled for the phone in his pocket dropping into the floor board. He leaned over to retrieve it only to hit his head on the dash. _Shit!_

He managed to answer the phone while Brass chuckled.

"Grissom"

"Sara? Sorry honey. Brass and I went out for a couple of drinks. No, I'm fine….yes I know I said the "f" word. Yes, I know that's going to cost me…Sara? Are you okay?...Honey, I'm fine really…_Shit! _Yes I know I just said it again. Really, I'm okay. No, I don't drink when something is bothering me." _Shit!_

"We're celebrating! Yeah…Patrick got a two week suspension and listen Ecklie…supports you…Sara? Stop laughing…it's not a joke…he really said that….please stop laughing. Hey, are you on pain medication?...Listen, we've got a bad connection here…I'll be home soon…would you like a smoothie?...No, honey it's not a bribe…"

"Have you eaten?...no, me neither. Brass just said he would treat us to veggies burgers tonight…yes…it's on the way….Sara? I love you…see you soon….make sure the door stays locked….no…I'm not stalling…of course, I'm not drunk…I miss you…I miss Sara Belle…I miss Bruno…Sara? …I may be a little drunk… I don't really miss that damn dog."

Brass looked at Grissom, "You are so going to get it."

Grissom frowned. I better grovel well…

His mouth burned. _Coffee's too hot! _He had downed the first coffee trying to get as much caffeine inside his body before arriving home. He had rinsed his mouth out but he could still smell the alcohol and wondered if he had spilled some of it on his clothes. Brass carried the food while Grissom slowly made his way to the front door.

He fished his keys out of his pocket only to drop them on the ground. Brass retrieved the keys and opened the door while making sure Grissom was steady on his feet. Grissom quickly entered the code to deactivate the alarm system as Sara watched the two. She sat there on the couch with arms protectively wrapped around her middle. _She looks mad. She should be mad. I'm drunk...she's pregnant and her husband comes home drunk…_

She smiled when they held up the food and then began distributing the contents. _Food! Blessed food and a smoothie also…remember to always bribe her with food. _She came and took her usual spot at the table and watched as the men finished setting up the table.

He sat the smoothie down and briefly kissed her on the forehead praying she could not smell the alcohol. She stared at Grissom and then turned her attention to Brass. They glanced at one another but refused to make eye contact with her.

"So, it was just a few drinks to celebrate, huh?"

"Would you like some mayo or mustard?" asked Grissom as he headed for the fridge.

Sara looked at his sandwich and frowned.

"Gil, your sandwich already has mayo on it."

"Yes, but I wanted a little more," he said as he grabbed a knife and began spreading a glob of mayo onto the sandwich bread. _Stop looking at me…stop looking at me…stop looking at me…steady stomach...steady…steady…I can't do this…I can't do this…_

"Okay, I'm drunk. Are you happy that I confessed? I told you in the car I might be a little drunk but now I am going to revise my prior statement. I'm drunk."

"Does he always ramble when he drinks?" asked Brass.

"You should know. He only gets drunk with you!" she said as she glared at both of them.

"I told him not to drink too much," whined Brass. "Look, the man needed to have a little fun…"

"Well, from my years of experience, he never has fun when he gets drunk, in fact, he…"

Grissom leaned over the side of the table and vomited.

"He gets sick." She glared at Brass.

"You're going to clean that up while I put my husband into the shower," said Sara as she grabbed Grissom by the arm and led him into the bathroom slamming the door.

He sat down on the edge of the bath tub wishing his stomach would settle down. She placed a wet washcloth on his forehead and waited.

"Better?" she asked. He nodded.

She helped him get out of his clothes and once he was stripped, she turned on the shower letting the water run for awhile.

"I'm sorry, Sara."

"Me too," she shoved him into the shower and chuckled when he yelled from the icy cold water. She handed him the washcloth and placed a towel on the floor in the event he threw up again.

She waited to make sure he was okay before returning to find Brass gone. _Chicken shit!_

He had cleaned up the mess and she was at least grateful for that. She listened for Grissom in the bathroom and heard him moving about.

She sat on the bed and began to count silently. _It's been awhile since I've had to count…why did he drink? When was the last time…Patrick…but wait he said it was good news…maybe he's not telling me something…maybe he just needed a little release…maybe the guys just needed a few drinks…maybe…he should have finished by now…_

She started to get up when the bathroom door opened and he stood there looking at her.

"Better?" she asked.

"I deserved that," he said quietly.

He came and sat down next to her. He was embarrassed by his actions and she knew that no punishing words were needed. When he didn't offer to take her hand as he always did, she placed her hand in his. _I don't deserve her. She really loves me…faults and all…_. He leaned down and kissed her palm and then placed his other hand on her stomach.

"Is she sleeping?" _I missed her…I should have been home with Sara and Belle…_

"Yes, I told her I would wait up for you. Gil, what's wrong?"

"Besides I had too much to drink, hit my head twice, threw up in the kitchen and then was thrown into a cold shower, I've had a pretty good day."

"Really. Are you okay?" _No, I'm going to disappoint you. I'm going to show you how imperfect I really am...you're going to hear something that I never intended for you to know…something you didn't need to know…something I wished had never happened…but I'll tell you before that bastard gets the chance to tell you so he can hurt us..._

"Sara, I need to…"

"Wait! She has hiccups! Feel this!" exclaimed Sara. He smiled when he felt the familiar jolts.

"I'm sorry what were you saying?"

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?" he asked.

She smiled. _It can wait..._

**Note from author:**

I have really enjoyed the reviews. Please be sure to leave one for each chapter. I have been releasing a couple of chapters each day for your enjoyment so please continue to give me the boost I need to stay up late and write write write… Note: be sure to activate your email so I can respond. I have a few persons whom I would love to leave a reply but can't. One person in particular, gslover123. activate your reply message. Thanks again for your support. I am so thankful to have some really loyal readers! Take care! Penny


	116. Chapter 116

**Chapter One Hundred Sixteen:**

He pulled out the file and let it lay on the top of his desk. He had not opened it in years. He swore he would never look at the photos again but now here was the file. It was like any other file except for the name. His fingers traced the lettering on the tab and he cursed. For awhile, the file had been a permanent fixture on his desk. It had taken up residence there until he had finally put it away after his return from San Francisco.

Now, it was back. After all these years, here is was in its original spot. He breathed in deeply trying to muster up the courage to open it again. His hand shook as he placed a finger within the confines of the contents.

_One flip and it will be open again…I shouldn't be doing this. Let it be. Put it away and don't open it. Let him make the first move. Brass is right. I don't know… Hell! There isn't anything else_.

Grissom's record was spotless. It remained spotless. He had been cleared of any wrongdoing except in his own mind. He had judged and sentenced himself. His actions haunted him for years and at one brief moment in his life he wondered if it would not consume him; that is until he met Sara.

Sara had given him a glimpse at what he could have if he would take the chance and reach out to her. He managed to put it behind him but it had taken nine long years before he was willing to reach out to her and only then he did so because he felt her pain that day. The very pain he inflicted upon her each time he rejected her.

He thought he could put the file away and act as though it never happened. That had been his plan; his strategy for survival but the plan had failed. Now, he would have to tell her about the other Grissom.

He swore under his breath and started to open the file when Catherine came into the office.

She looked at him and sat down quietly.

"Brass came over last night. He's worried about you," said Catherine.

Grissom remained silent. Catherine knew. She had helped in the aftermath. They had only been working together for awhile and it was then that he knew he could trust her. He had relied on her as well as Brass. He was just getting to know Brass but in the end they had become close friends and even now their friendship remained. _He put me through hell back then. He had to… I was a suspect…I was the prime suspect…_

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"I know we said we would never talk about it…"

Grissom looked up at her.

"Brass and I decided we would never bring it up because of how hard it was on you but …"

"No, I've never told Sara. Even after we began talking…going through our problems, I never told her. She's told me all of her darkest secrets and I've sat there and watched her bleed. I never offered to share anything with her. How do you think she's going to feel about that?"

"Gil, it was hell on you back then. It's still painful for you now but I think you should tell her and not risk letting Patrick do it."

"Not now. Not with the pregnancy…God how is she going to deal with this?"

"Look. We've known each other for years so I'm going to go out on a limb here and point a few things out to you. She loves you. You love her. You have never loved anyone but Sara. She's going to understand what happened and she's going to tell you to leave it in the past. I think you're making too much of it. Just tell her."

"Okay, how do I do that? Do I hand her the file and see if she notices the name is Grissom?"

"Are you okay?"

"Hell no I'm not okay!" He didn't notice he was breathing hard until he leaned back into his chair.

"Brass and I were talking…we could tell her… we could come over and talk with her. You wouldn't even have to be there…or I could…"

"If anyone is going to tell her then it has to be me. It has to come from me."

"If you need to talk, I'm here. Okay?"

He nodded. She glanced down at the folder on the desk and then their eyes met.

"Put it away, Gil. There's no need to look at those photos again." She reached for the folder but he placed his hands firmly on it and refused to release it.

"Tell her but don't show her the file. Put it away, okay?"

She didn't wait for a response but left. He stared at the file again and then opened it.

**Note from author:**

Sorry for the late post but I have had emergencies to cover. Word of advice: learn what Bourbon balls contain and be sure to take that into consideration when munching on them and then taking your meds! LOL I will try to post again late tonight! Take care! Penny


	117. Chapter 117

**Chapter One Hundred Seventeen:**

She noticed a change in him. It had been subtle but the change was there. She felt it every time they were together now. He slept less and she noticed she often found him sitting in the rocker in the baby's room. _Perhaps he's getting a little nervous about the baby? _

She sighed. _Shit! Is it Patrick? If he worried about me?_

She stood and watched him from the door way and waited for him to acknowledge her presence but instead he remained sitting there with Bruno at his feet.

She found herself drawn to him these days. It was his silence that frightened her. _He's retreating into himself. Something is wrong…He won't confide in me…_

She came and knelt down in front of him and laid her head in his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her up close to him kissing her urgently.

"What's wrong Gil?" she whispered.

"I'm just tired, Sara," he lied. _He's lying._

"Don't push me away."

"Sara, I'm not pushing you away…I just need…"

"Space?"

"Yes."

"Is it about us? Have I done something wrong?"

Her words cut like a knife and he pulled her close to him. "I'm sorry honey. Don't ever think you've done anything wrong. It's me…God I love you Sara. I always have and I always will."

"You're scaring me Gil. What's wrong?"

"I don't mean to scare you. Please don't worry. We're fine…I know I keep braking my own rule." He kissed her on the nose and looked around the room.

"Do you think we're ready for this?" he asked.

"We better be. We can't send it back…"

He smiled. She smiled. They smiled together.

"You know something!" said Sara as she sat next to Brass.

"What makes you think that?" he asked.

"He's been different ever since that night you brought him home."

"He's tired," said Brass. _Sounds like they've rehearsed this._

"Look me straight in the eye and tell me you don't know what's bothering him," demanded Sara.

"Oh, so now you're a mind reader?" asked Brass.

"No, I just know when you're lying to me."

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do!" He averted his eyes.

"So spill it! You know something!"

"Sara, talk with Grissom. I'm not telling you a damn thing. You know what, give the man some space." _Wait! He said that also…actually I finished the statement for him but he admitted he needed space. He's getting tired of me…of all the baggage… Stop it Sara! He loves you…he said so himself…_

"Did he tell you he needed space from me?"

"No!"

"He's tired of this Patrick mess, isn't he?"

"Yes…wait…I know where you're going with this. I've been married before. He's not tired of you Sara. Don't think this has anything to do with you."

"If it's about Patrick then it's about me." _Shit! She's over analyzing this! _

"Look, he's being Grissom. He needs to feel like he's in control of things. He's just worried about everything. Hell, I need a drink." He flagged the waitress down.

"You have a drink," she said as she watched him gulp it down.

"Now, I don't."

"You know if I find out you've known all along, it's really going to hurt me," _Shit! She just had to play that card. _

"Look, he's my friend and he confides in me. I can't be telling you everything. I can say, you have nothing to worry about. It's not about you."

"Is it about the baby?"

"No."

"Is it about…"

"I'm going on duty soon so I don't have time for twenty questions. Let it go Sara. Give him some space and let him work this out. He'll come to you when he's ready to talk."

"It took him nine years, last time," _Good point_

"He's changed. Give him time. Be happy. Just love him and take care of yourself."

"Is he worried about me?"

"Sara!"

She stopped. He saw the desperation in her eyes and he almost told her. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it before kissing her on the cheek. He left before she could say another word. She knew. Yes, there was something wrong.

They found themselves heading out to a 419. They had finished dinner and were returning to the lab when the call came in. They carried their field kits and entered the home. An officer stood in the doorway to the bedroom as a young couple sat there in handcuffs.

"Victim is an infant approximately five months old. The neighbor entered the home approximately 7:00 pm after getting permission from the owners to borrow the phone. When she didn't find the cordless phone on the base, she hit the locator button and heard it going off in the baby's room so she entered the room and that's when she noticed the baby was not breathing. She yelled for the parents who were in the backyard fighting and then dialed 911. The baby had been dead for several hours."

Grissom stood and looked at the baby in the crib. He took the pictures and then handed the camera to Sara who continued taking pictures of the rest of the room. There were clothes scattered on the floor but there wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

They waited until David completed the preliminary autopsy before letting them proceed.

"Probably was suffocated but it could have also been SIDS," said David as he pointed out the bluish tinge around the baby's mouth.

He stood there listening to David's assessment while staring at the baby. Once David was done Grissom collected the evidence in the crib. She noticed how gentle he handled the body, carefully lifting it from side to side. Once he was done, Sara nodded at David giving him permission to remove the body but he was blocked by Grissom. Sara watched as Grissom picked up the baby and wrapped it in a blanket. He then held it as he looked at it closely.

"Gil, did I miss something?" asked David.

He never answered but continued to hold the baby.

"Grissom, I can take the baby now," said David as he reached for the baby.

Grissom moved over to the rocking chair and sat down with the baby. He stared at it. He looked at its fingers and toes and then held it close. She thought he might have held the baby in order to check closely for small fragment of evidence he had spotted. She waited for him to comment on the reason for his actions but instead Sara watched as Gil Grissom slowly fell apart.

**Note from author:**

Well, I am posting early because I feel I am behind of sorts. Please continue on the honors system and give a review for each chapter. And yes, I will try to post again tonight but I have relatives in and it's getting hard to keep making excuses to run to the bathroom to proof read and then post. (For crying out loud!) Take care! Penny

P.S. So far, no one has guessed where this is going…I don't think anyone will…


	118. Chapter 118

**Chapter One Hundred Eighteen:**

"David, give us a minute," said Sara as she pushed him out the door and shut it locking it behind her.

"Gil?"

"Someone needs to hold him. Someone needs to let him know that he was loved."

"Give him to me, Gil. I'll carry him out. I'll be very careful with him." He looked at her and then stared at the baby once more. Handing the baby to her, he murmured "sorry" before leaving. She stared as she watched him get into his vehicle, leaving his kit behind. _I haven't seen him like this since the Anderson case. _

The details of the case were still fresh in her mind. There had been an alleged kidnapping of a three month old infant. Grissom and the officers later discovered the body on the golf course near the home and the parents became the prime suspects. It was the first time Sara had ever seen Grissom let his emotions get involved in a case. It had caught everyone off guard even Grissom himself.

She had tried to reach out to him then and he had pushed her away. She had not thought about the case until this moment. Now, here he was holding another infant and it was as if he was mourning for this child. The hurt was apparent but there was also a sense of guilt on his part that bothered Sara.

She stared at the baby and while she felt sadness for the loss of a young life she did not feel the same emotions Grissom had felt. She carried the baby out of the room and handed it to David.

"Where's Grissom?" asked Sara.

"He left," said David, "Did he know the victim?" Sara handed him the body but did not reply.

It sickened Sara as she watched David carry the infant past the couple. Neither seemed affected by the death of their child. She turned and continued processing the scene. Within an hour she had completed the house and was surprised when she saw Brass drive up.

"Need a lift?" asked Brass as he stood by the vehicle. They collected the field kits and drove away.

"Gil left… in the middle of an investigation. He just left. You can't tell me something is not wrong. You didn't see his reaction when he held that baby in there."

"I heard what happened. I sent him home. Look, if he doesn't tell you then I will. Give him a chance."

She nodded and then sat quietly for the remainder of the ride to the lab. She dropped off the evidence in the lab and then hurried out the door. She found him sitting on the deck. Her anger rose when she spotted the glass sitting beside him. As she approached, she the smell of alcohol grew. She sat down beside him and waited for him to talk but when he continued to remain silent, she reached over and poured out the glass.

"I haven't touched it. I poured it but I didn't touch it."

"Want to tell me why you would even think about drinking? You don't drink Grissom. Besides, I believe I'm the one in the family with the drinking problem."

"Don't ever say that!" he shot back.

"I recall running to the bottle a few times when things got shitty so you want to tell me why you've taken up the habit cause I'm confused. I thought we were happy. I thought that things were fine and by the way I used the "f" word on purpose."

"Sara, this is not about us…"

"You know Brass said the same thing; almost word for word. Would you please tell me what the hell this is about so I don't have to worry? I'm worried. I'm really worried."

He sat there and did what he intended to do…he said nothing.

"Fine!"

He heard her slam the door behind him but the silence was brief because she soon returned with the list of rules and shoved them at him.

"Do these mean anything to you?"

"Yes," he whispered.

She closed her eyes and mentally counted for awhile before sitting beside him. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her abdomen.

"We need you right now."

He pulled her close to him and murmured, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Please Gil. Tell me what's been bothering you."

They were interrupted by his cell phone and she swore as he reached for it.

"Grissom." He glanced at her while he talked. By his expression she knew that he was being called into the office. He closed the phone and stood.

"I have to go. They need me on a case. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I'll come with you," she offered. He started to protest but then stopped. He looked at her and nodded. She was surprised he did not object but hurried inside to grab her jacket.

They worked in the field for the next couple of hours, working side by side without any discord. It was only when they were alone again in their vehicle that Sara returned to the same subject.

"Not now, Sara Please. Let's get this evidence into the lab and then we'll talk when we get home." She heard the irritation in his voice and it made her angry.

"Fine."

She glared at him and waited for him to comment about the "f" word but he ignored it.

Once they returned, he took off in the direction of the lab. She stood there and watched as he disappeared from sight. Sara sat down in the break room and waited for him.

She watched him as he walked down the hallway with his glasses tilted over the crook of his nose engrossed in some lab report Greg had thrust in his direction. He scanned the documents and then handed them back to Greg.

Their eyes met and for a moment she thought he would come to her but instead he walked away. She glanced at her watch and decided to wait for him in his office. As she entered his office she stared at the clutter of paper on the desk. She settled into his chair and decided the least she could do was to clear off his desk and try to help with prioritizing the papers.

She pulled the paperwork into a neat stack and began sorting through it. It was then the file caught her attention. The folder looked like any other folder except for the name. She glanced around knowing that he would return any minute but the file was too tempting. _Don't look at it. Don't…_

She opened the file and her eyes widened. _Why didn't he tell me? All these years and he never said a word…_

She started to read the report stopping when the photos slipped from the back of the file. She spread them out on the desk staring in disbelief. He found her there. Cold blue eyes met soft moist brown.

**Note from author:**

Hey! It's me again and yes I found a little time to post. Please continue to give the reviews and I will post once more tonight. Take care! Penny


	119. Chapter 119

**Note from author:**

I am posting the last of this segment since someone said they were going out of town and would be away from their computer and so I didn't want to ruin their vacation with not knowing what happened…please remember to give a review for each chapter. Take care! Penny

**Chapter One Hundred Nineteen:**

He grabbed the folder and began shoving the photos back into the file.

"What were you doing going through my desk?" he yelled.

"I uhm…why didn't you…"

"Don't ever open this file again!" he shouted. There was a tap at the door as Nick stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

"Sorry to interrupt but I could hear the yelling down the hallway…"

"It's my fault. I never should have…" Sara didn't finish but bolted from the room.

Nick glared at Grissom. "I don't know what's going on between the two of you but if you ever raise your voice to her again, I'll kick your ass. I mean it Grissom!"

"You should. Sorry Nick."

"Don't apologize to me! Apologize to your pregnant wife." He emphasized "pregnant" and Grissom swore under his breath. He went in search of her and found her in the break room. He stood there trying to formulate the right words to excuse his behavior but there were none. _She's seen the pictures…she's read the report._

Sara tried to pour herself a glass of water but stopped when her hands continued to tremble. She felt warm arms embrace her and she jerked away.

"Sara?"

She whirled around to face Grissom. He saw the fear in her eyes and cursed at himself since he knew that he had been mistaken for Patrick.

"I'm sorry. Come home and we'll talk. Please?"

She nodded slightly and he guided her out to their vehicle. It had been a long shift and they were tired. It was late by the time they arrived home. Sara had remained quiet. He watched as she swiped at her eyes a few times although she would not admit that she had been crying.

He fixed them something to eat while Sara laid on the couch. She had not worked this many hours in quite some time and she was both physically and mentally exhausted.

By the time the food was ready, she had nodded off to sleep. He gently woke her and helped her sit up. He had placed the food on a tray and sat down next to her while they ate.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Fine."

"I deserved that one."

He took her hand and held it.

"Begin at the beginning," she said.

"I had just begun working as a CSI. I was trying to complete my research at the body farm so I could publish my findings. I ran into her a few times. I was living across town and we would often frequent the same coffee shop. I think we only said a total of twenty words to one another which were mostly the same each time but I grew accustomed to running into her."

"I was no different then as I was when I met you in San Francisco. My work was my life. I was used to being alone and felt no need for companionship. I never even took the time to notice that she intentionally showed up every day at the same time I did at the coffee shop. I was too naïve to think that she was seeking me out."

"One day, I missed going to the coffee shop. I had worked a couple of doubles. Back then, we had very few personnel and so there were times, I just never went home. It had been a rough shift. I was completely wiped out physically and mentally. I decided to skip the coffee shop and head straight to bed. I found her on the steps holding two coffees."

"I smiled and invited her in. I had no idea what to expect. I mean it's not like I was looking to get involved with anyone but here she was."

He stopped and paused for a moment and she wondered what details he was choosing to leave out.

"Did you get involved with her?" asked Sara.

"We had sex, Sara. I didn't know the woman. I didn't care to know her but at that moment I needed release and when she offered, I didn't refuse. I had never done anything like that before. I mean..."

"Sex without love is sad," she added. _You remembered._

"She left. I slept. I went back to work. Every now and then she would show up on the steps of the apartment with coffee in hand and follow me in. After awhile, it bothered me. Here I was having sex with this woman that I knew absolutely nothing about but when she showed up, I couldn't…"

"Resist?"

"No."

"You were human Gil. You were young and human."

"I was a fool. One night I arrived home and she had been waiting for some time. I let her in and this time actually made coffee while I tried to explain to her why I couldn't do this anymore. She was upset. It seems she had become emotionally involved and I well I just needed sex. God, Sara this sounds so callous. It wasn't like that. I had no idea she had been following me, finding out everything about me while I was just living my life and enjoying sex after a long shift. She was genuinely hurt. I felt like an ass."

"I thought I could make myself feel something but in the end I couldn't. Then she begged me to…"

"Make love to her?"

"Yes. Her words exactly except I clarified my words to her and told her it was only sex and not love." _She must have been crushed._

"She stopped coming then. I found myself going back to the coffee shop trying to run into her but I never did. I thought I would try to locate her but I only knew her first name."

He stood up and began to pace.

"I tried for several weeks to run into her again. I even left messages at the coffee shop but she never called. After awhile, I gave up. I got back into my routine of double shifts and working at the body farm on my days off. Months went by."

"One night, I'm working this case. A woman had not been seen for a couple of days and the neighbor grew concerned so she had the landlord check on her. They found the woman and her five week old child deceased. I was in charge of collecting and processing the evidence on the infant."

"I remember Doc Robbins and I were discussing baseball stats during the entire process. When I finished, I took the evidence to the lab and headed out to the body farm. The next day, I went to the morgue to go over the autopsy results with Doc Robbins and that's when I saw her. She's laying there on the slab."

"I didn't even notice at first. I'm standing there reading over the results and then Doc Robbins mentions the woman's name. I thought it was a coincidence at first; the deceased having the same name as her but then I really looked at her and I was staring at Sheron. I now knew her last name, Matthews. I had never known a victim until that night."

"What was the cause of death?"

"Initially it was considered murder but the eventual ruling was suicide." _Oh…Oh Grissom…_

"Why did they think it could have been a murder?"

"She killed herself with my gun." _Shit!_

"Gil?"

"I did the math in my head and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I had Doc Robbins run my DNA and compare it to the infant and it matched."

"It was my child, Sara. My son." He pulled out the photos and laid them out on the small coffee table. "I processed my own son's body while talking baseball stats and never even knew. I left him laying there in that crib and I never even held him. Someone else removed his little body."

"You didn't know!" she said quickly.

"It didn't make it any less painful."

"How did he…"

"The cause of death was listed as suffocation. She suffocated our son," he choked.

"The neighbors had been complaining about the crying. It seemed he cried just about every day into all hours of the night. One of the neighbors tried to help her since she thought she was just a new mother and didn't know how to soothe a newborn. The same neighbor reported that Sheron appeared to be very depressed and was rarely seen out."

He sat down and she watched as he leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. He looked exhausted.

"She had been diagnosed with post partum depression and was being treated by her physician but she failed to follow up. She couldn't handle the stress of a newborn. I went to my boss and told them what I knew about Sheron but by then the serial numbers on the weapon came back confirming the weapon that killed her belonged to me. I became the prime suspect. Brass was called in to question me. _Brass?_

He glanced at her and saw the shock. "Hell of a way to meet your best friend. I was about to be charged with murder. I'll have to say he did a thorough job. I hated him when it was over but I think he believed me because he refused to charge me immediately. It would have ended my career." _That's why you were so hard on Nick when he got involved with the prostitute who was later found dead…_

"Brass interviewed my landlord and he remembered seeing her come and go from my apartment. On the day of the shooting, she asked him to let her into the apartment and he did. On that same day, he saw her leaving and noticed she was pushing something down into her purse and it appeared to be the butt of a gun."

"He intended to tell me as soon as I came home but I had gone to the body farm instead. I've gone over and over that day in my head. What if I had come home and found her there? What if she had told me about the baby? What if …It just about drove me insane."

"Brass felt pretty bad about dragging me through the mud but I knew he was only doing his job. He cleared my name. I petitioned the court to have the baby's last name changed to Grissom. I buried him. I buried both of them. It was the least that I could do."

"I threw myself into my work and never looked up again until…San Francisco. You know the rest."

He sat there and remained silent for a moment before looking at her.

"You see Sara. Everyone has skeletons. I just managed to hide mine better than you."

She found herself on her knees before him and hugged him tight. She needed to love him even though he did not feel he deserved to be loved. She had a long list of things she intended to tell him but for the moment she knew he was tired of talking. She pulled him up and led him to the bedroom. The words could wait, the love could not.


	120. Chapter 120

**Chapter One Hundred Twenty:**

Sometimes the hardest thing was remembering. He had put it behind him. He had done that but it had almost consumed him. He wasn't prepared for the raw emotions. He thought he had gotten through it but now looking at the pictures, he knew he had managed to lie to himself. He looked at the photos again and he cursed himself for the choices he had made.

He closed his eyes and he was back there. Every little detail even the insignificant details came flooding back. Memory was a gift but not in this case. He wished he could forget.

Sara had limited her questions and he knew there were many more she wanted to ask but she knew it was difficult for him.

She had comforted him when he felt he did not deserve it. He laid there in bed holding her sleeping form as his mind replayed the interrogation in his head. He closed his eyes as he heard Jim's voice echoing in his head. It was funny that they had met that way. He as the suspect while Jim, the lead investigator.

It had only been recent that he had been placed in Jim's old position and he knew that if Jim had any hard feelings about being replaced by a younger man then he would make every effort to discredit Grissom. He wasn't prepared for how willing Grissom would be to give up his career.

"_How long did you know her?" asked Brass_

"_I didn't," he said softly._

_Brass placed the pictures on the table. "This your handy work?"_

"_No." _

"_Why do I feel like there's more to the story?"_

"_I was just getting off a double. She was waiting at my apartment building…"_

"_You had sex…she gets pregnant…you don't need the extra baggage and so you kill her…"_

_No response._

"_Do you make a habit of jumping into the sack with someone you don't know?"_

"_No."_

"_How did you react when you found out she was pregnant?"_

"_I didn't know."_

"_Didn't you care about your child?"_

"_I didn't know about him. I never would have let her face that alone."_

"_But you just said you didn't know her?"_

"_I didn't. I just had sex with her but I should have known. I never should have..."_

"_Never should have what?"_

"_I never should have had sex without…"_

He woke up in a sweat throwing the covers off and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Gil?"

"I'm sorry Sara. I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered as he continued to sit there. She reached for him and gently caressed his back.

"Dream?"

"I think that used to be my line," he said as he lay back down.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Mine also."

"It helps to talk about it. I'm talking from experience here."

He kissed her gently on the lips. "I know. Not ready Sara." _I don't want to face the questions you'll have. _

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't mind your skeletons."

He kissed her again before closing his eyes. "Go back to sleep. You need your rest." She stared at him for a few minutes and when he didn't open his eyes again, she settled back into sleep. She smiled when she felt his hand slowly move to its place on her abdomen. She smiled more when she felt Sara Belle move to his touch.

"_Your career is over, you know that don't you?" asked Brass._

"_I never would have chosen my career over my child."_

"_I thought you said you didn't know anything about him?"_

"_I didn't. If she had told me, I wouldn't have turned my back on him. I learn from others mistakes."_

"_Whose mistake?"_

"_My father. He left when I was five years old. I would never do that to my child."_

"_Unless, you stood to lose your career. Look, buddy. It's happened to the best of us. We get a roll in the sack and then the next thing we know she says she's pregnant and making demands and you see everything you've worked for about to go down the drain. Right?"_

"_I made a mistake."_

"_Yes, you did. You didn't mean to hurt him did you?"_

"_I didn't hurt my son. I would never hurt my child. I made a mistake with Sheron."_

"_You didn't mean to kill her?"_

"_I didn't mean to get involved with anyone."_

"_You said you didn't know her. How could you get involved with her if you didn't know her?"_

"_I had sex. I had sex without…"_

"_Grissom…did you love her?"_

"_No...I should have. I never should have had sex without…It's my fault. I didn't pay attention…I was too wrapped up in my work to not see that she …I should have tried to reach out to her…I just didn't bother…I wasn't ready to share my life with anyone…I never should have done what I did."_

"_What did you do?"_

"_I used her." _

"_Don't you think she used you?"_

"_I hurt her. She never hurt me."_

"_How did she know where you kept your gun?"_

"_It was in plain view."_

"_Convenient."_

"_I had cleaned it the day before and left it there. I intended to take it to the lab and leave it. I wasn't used to carrying a gun but they had recently changed the rules and insisted we carry a gun for protection. I had been practicing."_

"_Did she ever seem depressed?"_

"_I never paid attention. I should have paid attention." He hears a sob from the man he is questioning._

"_Do you think it would have mattered?"_

_No response. _

"_Grissom?"_

"_Yeah?" _

"_Have you ever been depressed?"_

_No response._

"_Grissom?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Answer my question. Have you ever been depressed?"_

"_I think I am… now. I'm not used to…can I see my child? Would they let me see him...I need to hold him…the neighbor said he cried a lot…do you think she held him...do you think she loved him...I don't even know when he was born..."_

"_Grissom?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_I don't think you did this."_

"_I did."_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_I didn't smother him or place the gun to her head and pull the trigger but I did this."_

"_Did what?"_

"_I killed them by not paying attention. It's my job to pay attention but I couldn't do it in my own personal life. I never should have…"_

"_Grissom, are you okay?"_

"_No. I'll never be okay."_

"_Would you like to take a break?"_

_No response._

"_Grissom?"_

"_Yeah?'_

"_Do you own another gun?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Where is it?"_

"_In my apartment."_

"_Is it in plain view?"_

"_No."_

"_Is it department issue?"_

"_No."_

"_So, it's your own personal gun?"_

"_It belonged to my father. My mother gave it to me when I moved to Las Vegas. She was worried about the crime rate."_

"_Where is it in the apartment?"_

"_In the closet."_

"_Grissom?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_You intend to use that gun?"_

_No response._

"_Grissom?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Do you mind if I hold on to it?"_

"_Hold on to what?"_

"_The gun."_

"_Why?"_

"_Do you intend to use the gun?"_

_No response._

"_You don't lie do you?"_

"_No."_

"_Is that why you won't answer my question?"_

"_Yes."_

"_You want to blow your brains out?"_

_No response._

"_You know I have to report this."_

_No response._

"_Give me the gun and I won't report this."_

_No response._

"_Grissom?"_

"_Yeah." As he chokes on the word._

"_It wasn't your fault. You didn't know. Will you let me help you?"_

_No response._

"_Do you have someone here that's a friend?"_

"_Catherine. Catherine Willows."_

"_Good. I'll talk with her."_

"_Grissom?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_If you kill yourself, I'm going to kick your ass."_

_No response._

"_Glad we understand one another."_

He inched his way out of the bed trying not to disturb her while he quietly left the room. He sat down on the couch and noticed the photos had been left out. He started to put them away but left them alone. Glancing at his watch, he knew that he should shower and get a few things done before waking her for work. He couldn't bring himself to move. The ringing of his phone startled him as he quickly reached for it hoping it had not awakened her.

"Grissom."

"Sounds like you're awake"

"Yes. I am."

"Good. Come and open the door."

Grissom closed the phone and turned off the alarm as he opened the door to find Brass standing there with a couple of coffees in hand with pastries.

"These are not for you. They're for Sara."

"She's not awake yet."

"Then I guess you get the coffee but the pastries I'll save for her."

He handed Grissom the coffee and then laid the bag on the counter. He stood there for a moment and then glanced at the coffee table.

"Told her?"

"Yes."

"Good. I planned to tell her if you didn't."

They sat at the table drinking the coffee. Brass waited for Grissom to speak but when he remained silent, he started.

"Do I need to be worried about you?"

"No."

"Look. It was better you told her than for her to find out from someone else. Grissom it wasn't your fault. I could see that from the beginning. You were handing me your head on a platter but I wouldn't take it. I could have twisted your words and charged you but even a rookie cop would have seen that you didn't do it. If you had, you would have used your father's weapon. Hell, you could have gotten a weapon off the street and used it so it couldn't have been traced. You never would have asked Doc to run the DNA. You never would have admitted that you knew her. Do I need to go on?"

"No."

Brass took a sip of coffee.

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not sure I ever told you thanks for sticking with me."

"You're good for a few laughs here and there. Not to mention the free dinner every now and then."

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"You never gave me back my father's gun."

"No, I guess I didn't."

"I'm glad you took it. Keep it. I don't want it back."

"What if I decide to kill Patrick with it?"

"It can be traced back to me. Get a weapon off the street."

**Note from author:**

Continue with the reviews. I'm not sure we can get to killing off Patrick by Christmas but I'll try to keep my deadline! LOL Take care! Penny


	121. Chapter 121

**Chapter One Hundred Twenty One:**

She was awake when he got out of the shower. She curled up in his spot and watched as he dressed. Once dressed, he turned and kissed her.

"Want something to eat? Brass left some pastries. I think he forgot about the results of your last exam."

She frowned. "Ouch. Okay, how about you fix me something I won't feel guilty over." She glanced at him quickly and silently berated herself for her choice of words.

"I can do that," he said softly and headed for the kitchen.

When she entered the living room she noticed he had put away the file. She glanced around to see if it was nearby. He saw her searching the room with her eyes.

"I gave it to Brass. I don't want it anymore."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Were there any photos she had taken of the baby while he was…"

"I'm not sure. Catherine took care of all that. I buried them and then Catherine collected some things from her apartment before sending the rest to her folks."

"Do you want me to find out?"

"I want to leave it in the past. It's better in the past."

"Wait…you haven't dealt with this very well."

He didn't reply.

"Gil?"

"Did I cause you to remember?"

"No."

"Then why now?"

No reply.

"I uhm…let's stay home today. We'll talk…Let's finish this."

"Sara, there isn't anything else."

"Yes, there is."

He stopped. He turned to face her. "What's left?"

"Forgiveness."

"You can't give me that."

"No, but you can give it to yourself."

No reply.

"Tell me what happened after the interrogation."

Grissom finished preparing the breakfast and set it on the table in front of her. He poured each of them some juice and then he sat down beside her.

If I tell you, will you promise not to interrupt?"

"Yes."

"Brass took my father's gun._ Why did he do that? Wait!...they didn't think you would.._ He sent Catherine over to pick up some things from Sheron's apartment. I was forced to take a two week sabbatical in which I spent some time with Catherine and then Brass. I hung out with Doc Robbins a few nights. I then was permitted to return to work and I buried myself in it. The lab quickly became the second best in the nation. I became an expert in serial killers and completed my research at the body farm and eventually which caused an overhaul of the way we collect evidence in the field. That's it."_ There's more but you can't tell me._

"You don't want me to ask any more questions, do you?"

"No, I don't."

"Do you mind if I ask Catherine or Brass?" _Yes. Leave it alone._

He did not reply.

"I won't if you tell me no."

He did not reply.

"_I think he's going to off himself. I've seen that look before. He's the kind that can carry it out," said Brass to Catherine._

"_I was afraid of that. He's taking this really hard," sighed Catherine._

"_Does he have any family?_

"_No. What do you think we should do?"_

"_I'll get the gun from his apartment. He'll need a place to stay for awhile. I don't think he needs to go back there for awhile."_

"_Okay, he's been to my house before. We have a guest room. He can come home with me. Wait.. I have a daughter…a baby."_

"_It might be good for him. Keep him a couple of days and then I'll ask for some time off and baby sit him for awhile. Doc Robbins thinks a lot of him. Maybe we can get him to keep an eye on him also."_

"_Why are you doing this? I never took you for the soft kind hearted type?"_

"_I'm not but he is and there's not too many of them left. Grissom is better in my job than I ever was. He's good for the department. I believe in him and all that crap. I also pushed him pretty hard in the interrogation when I shouldn't have. It was obvious from the moment he realized that baby was his, he had nothing to do with it."_

"Gil?"

"You need to get ready for work. I'll see you for dinner?" he asked.

"Yes. Yes you will."

He got up and headed out to work with the bees. She hurried with her breakfast and then picked up the phone.

"Catherine? I need to talk with you and Brass. Could you meet me before my shift? Good. I'll call in and let them know I'm going to be a little late."

They were waiting for her at the diner in their usual booth. She slid into the seat next to Brass as he ordered a drink.

"Don't worry, just tea," he said.

"Tell me what happened after the interrogation," said Sara.

Brass looked at Catherine.

"You're talking to me and not Grissom."

Brass took a sip of tea, "Catherine and I decided Grissom should stay with one of us for awhile until he was better."

"Better?"

Catherine glanced at Brass. Sara immediately caught the eye contact.

"Just tell me."

"I thought he might try to kill himself. He told me he had a gun at his apartment that belonged to his father so I took it. I never gave it back to him. Anyway, He stayed with Catherine for awhile."

Catherine chuckled, " I think that's when Eddie started referring to Grissom as my boyfriend. Lindsey was just over a year old. I was worried at first that it would bother Grissom but it actually seemed to help. Grissom was more concerned about Lindsey than Eddie."

"If she cried, he was the first one there. I remember she was going through a separation problem. She would cry when I put her down for a nap. One day, I sat there on the couch and listened while she cried. I had gotten her off her schedule that day and she was having a difficult time unwinding. I knew she would eventually lie down and take her nap."

"Grissom had taken a walk. When he returned, he heard Lindsey crying and just went off on me. He marched in there, picked her up and rocked her until she went to sleep. I later found out why he had been so angry. She…had let the baby cry for hours…it was in the police report. He practically broke down while holding Lindsey. I had never seen Grissom so devastated…well not until they found you in the desert. He was a basket case then…"

"What did you do?"

"I held him. Here we sat in the middle of the baby's room. Grissom's holding Lindsey and I'm holding Grissom and we just sat there and cried together. I've loved him ever since."

"Love him?" asked Sara.

"The same way you love Nick or Warrick or Greg."

"He was already my friend but he became more than that after that day. I knew exactly what kind of person Gil Grissom was."

"He spoiled Lindsey. She's been taken with him ever since. He became Uncle Gil after that."

"How long did he stay with you?"

"Two weeks at first but then he stayed with Brass for awhile. Things went bad…"

She looked at Brass. Sara caught the look.

"Did he…"

"Not on my watch. He was pissed at me because I gave him a choice of counseling with a shrink or with a priest…I knew he was catholic…I did my homework."

"What did he choose?"

"Neither so I dragged his ass into the church and made him meet with Father Br… can't remember his name."

"Father Brannigan?"

"Yeah! Nice man although he didn't like it when I threatened to kick Gil's ass if he didn't talk."

Sara snickered. "Grissom took me to talk with Father Brannigan. I still talk with him every now and then."

"So, he never tried to…"

"No. He went back to work and of all things, one of the first cases involved the death of a newborn. I mean what kind of luck is that?" said Brass.

"What happened?"

"He completed the case. Did a great job. Went home. Wasn't sober for days. Doc and I sobered him up. I took off a week and we packed up everything in his apartment. He moved back in with Catherine until he purchased the townhouse."

"I lived with him about a month at the townhouse until I knew he was going to be okay. He was, Sara. I always checked on him. We both did but he threw himself in his work and we felt at the time it was the best thing. It took nine years for him to forgive himself enough to start a life with you."

"He said you got some things from Sheron's apartment."

"Yes I did. There was a birth announcement, his birth certificate along with a photo or two that I put in a box. I've been holding it for Grissom. Every year I offer it to him but he says its too soon."

"Could I keep it?"

"Sure, I don't see why not."

"Why now? Why did this suddenly come up now?"

Catherine looked at Brass. "Tell her."

"Patrick threatened Grissom. The message was cryptic but Grissom knew he had found out and he was afraid Patrick would tell you."

"So, he decided to tell me himself."

'It wasn't easy for him. Grissom took full responsibility for the deaths. He blamed himself for years. Hell, I think he still blames himself," said Brass.

"Yes, he does. Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you ever give him his gun back?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I'm afraid I might be tempted to shoot Patrick with it."

'Take a number," said Brass. "Besides, street weapon would be wiser."

**Note from author:**

Please continue with the reviews. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas. I will continue to post through out the holiday so don't disappoint me and not give a review for each chapter. Take care! Penny


	122. Chapter 122

**Chapter One Hundred twenty Two:**

Grissom found the note sitting on his chair when he arrived. He recognized the handwriting and smile when he read its content.

If I cannot forgive myself

For all the blunders

That I have made

Over the years,

Then how can I proceed?

How can I ever

Dream perfection-dreams?

Move, I must, forward.

Fly, I must, upward.

Dive, I must, inward,

To be once more

What I truly am

And shall forever remain.

By: Sri Chinmoy

He folded the piece of paper and stuck it in his pocket and got to work completing the backlog on the paperwork. She had been careful not to ask any more questions. In fact, she had made a point to avoid anything related to the topic. He wondered if she had spoken with Catherine and Brass. He did not wish to ask them but wanted to put it behind him.

She waited outside his door for him to arrive. She knew he had been in the field and would be returning soon. He was actually surprised to see her standing there and a smile crossed his face but soon disappeared when he saw her expression.

"Don't ever threaten my husband again. When you hurt him, you hurt me."

She left as quickly as she appeared. He stood there and cursed under his breath. He wanted to go after her but knew he was being watched. He quickly sat at his desk and shot off an email to her.

_Sara,_

_I'm not sure what you meant. I have never threatened anyone._

_Patrick._

She responded.

_Patrick,_

_I know all about his past. I know all about yours. I married the right person. Don't bother trying to convince me I haven't._

_Sara._

He cursed.

_Sara,_

_He knocked up his girlfriend and then dumped her. She killed their child and herself and Brass helped cover it up. Still feel safe?_

_Patrick._

She replied.

_Patrick,_

_With him? Always. With you? Never. _

_Sara._

He shoved the keyboard off the desk. _I hate him! I wish he were dead…I'll never have a chance as long as he's around. _

Grissom pulled open the drawer to his desk and found another note and he smiled. He read the contents to himself:

_Gil,_

_If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the evening sky would be empty. You make me happy. _

_Love,_

_Sara._

He finished the paperwork and cleared off his desk. He had not seen her since dinner and he knew that the shift would be over soon. He was thankful for her love and even though he felt he did not deserve it at times, he clung to it.

He had been given a second chance. She had not been judgmental when he told her of his callous actions toward Sheron. He wondered if he had ever hurt Sara as much as he had Sheron. He didn't want to know.

He did know a few things. He loved her. He cherished her. He never wanted to live without her. Even though they were exhausted, she had made love to him last night.

She had given her body to him without regard to her own needs. He had needed to be loved last night and she had given herself so completely to him despite her own fatigue and need for rest but that was Sara. She had always placed his needs above her own. Perhaps that was part of being loved or giving love.

He was hurting and she comforted him. She held him even though he did not feel he deserved to be held. When the dreams came, she was there to keep him grounded. When sleep finally came for her, he held her tight and cried softly for the mistakes he had made so long ago but was thankful for the choices he had made since then.

"Sex without love is sad. You make me happy," he whispered.

He glanced up and smiled when he saw her standing there waiting for him. He quickly got up and met her at the door.

"Got the reports done?"

"Yes. I did."

"Accomplish anything else?"

"Yes. I did."

"Care to share?"

"Forgiveness."

She smiled at him as he pulled her close kissing her fully on the lips. Nick and Warrick chuckled as they walked by.

"You would think they could go home and do that," said Nick.

Grissom shut the door and locked it.

"Trust me?" he asked.

"Intimately," she said.

"I believe you're using my words again."

"Memory is a gift…" she said.

"My words also,"

"I love you," she whispered.

"My words again. Let me show you," he said.

They had come home, eaten and then gone to sleep. He had expected her to sleep in since they were late getting home but when he rolled over her side of the bed was cool to the touch. He found her in the baby's room.

"Sara?"

"Here," she had called extending her hand out for him to take it.

"Something wrong?" he asked as he walked up, taking her hand into his and placing a kiss in the palm.

"She's a bit active. I couldn't sleep with the kicking so I thought I would try to rock her to sleep."

"Better?"

"No more kicks. I think we're going to be doing this a lot."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I know Patrick threatened you with telling me about Sheron."

He didn't say anything but stood there beside her.

"I'm sorry. I know this has been painful for you."

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"I talked with Catherine and Brass. Catherine gave me the box of items she kept for you. I have them now."

He was silent.

"There's the old birth certificate and a hospital birth announcement. There are a few photos. One appears to have been taken at the hospital. The others are of him at her apartment. There is one picture of both of them. She must have gotten the neighbor to take it. She was smiling. I think she was happy about the baby at first."

She glanced up at him to see his reaction but he remained expressionless.

"She didn't look upset. I think the symptoms began later. She only spent a night in the hospital. The symptoms would not have appeared after her release. She tried to get help because she met with her physician and he determined it was post partum depression. I think she loved him."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"He was loved."

"I didn't hold him. He didn't know that I loved him."

"I know honey. I'm sorry but he does now. He knows his father loves him even now."

He knelt down beside her. It was then he noticed she was holding the pictures.

"I think you need to see these." She handed the photos to him and he took them. She watched as he stared at each one. He smiled sadly of the one taken of his son lying in his crib.

"I think he would have looked like me."

"Me too," she said softly.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"I would have married her."

"I know."

"If she had told me, I would have lied and said I loved her. I would have married her to provide a home for him. I would have done anything for my child."

"And you never would have come to San Francisco or at least if you did, we never would have met. I would have seen the ring on your finger and stayed away. I would have pulled that trigger after Patrick had…"

"Life without love would have been sad. I'm not sad with you Sara. I thank God every day I have you."

"Me too," she whispered.

"My words again," he teased.

"Let me show you," she said.

**Note from author:**

Well, we have now come up to the chapters leading to the end of Patrick. Please continue to give reviews. Take care! Penny


	123. Chapter 123

**Chapter One Hundred Twenty Three:**

"The lights don't work. How come the lights never work," whined Sara.

"Leave them Sara. I'll buy new ones," he said as he picked up the magazines off the table.

"We just got these last year. Lights should last longer than one year. I seem to be tangled up." She sat there in the floor with the lights wrapped around her body.

He turned and looked at the spectacle. "Wait! Wait right there." He disappeared for a moment and returned with the digital camera snapping away.

"That's not nice. Besides, you were not supposed to open that until Christmas."

"Sorry, but we need it now."

She pulled at the wires and one of the bulbs popped out landing on the floor. She grumbled. He chuckled. He started to help her unravel the mess when there was a tap at the door.

"Sorry. I'll be right back." _It's too early. No one arrives early at a Christmas party. I'm not even dressed. Grissom!_

Catherine chuckled when she saw Sara. "Lights got you down?"

Sara half smiled. _At least it's just Catherine. I wouldn't want the guys to see me in this gown straddled on the floor tied up in lights. Lights that won't work! I hate Christmas lights!_

"We thought we would come early and give you a hand. You looked pretty tired the other night. You need to make her get more rest," said Catherine to Grissom. Sara glanced at Grissom as he grinned. _That was my fault. These hormones have me a bit...sleep is overrated. _She smiled again at Grissom and then grinned when she saw his coloring change to a slight shade of red. _He's blushing. He's afraid Catherine will figure it out. _

"Wait! You said 'we'…"

"The guys are getting some stuff out of the car for me. I brought some decorations and made a few desserts."

"The guys?" Sara began to struggle to get up but the lights continued to have her pinned.

"Sara, you're going to fall. Stay put. I'll help you." Grissom started to cross the room when there was another tap at the door. He stopped and turned.

"Gilbert! Help me up first. Don't…"

She sat there and hoped they would not notice. The thought was absurd. Greg was the first to chuckle followed by Warrick. It was Nick who took pity on her and came to her side.

"Lights can be hell this time of year. You do look beautiful sitting there all wrapped up. I think it would be better if you plugged them in." he said.

"I tried that. They won't…"

Nick plugged in the lights and grinned when the lights sparkled around her body.

"I always knew she could light up a room," said Grissom.

"Must not have been getting a good connection," said Sara as she struggled to break free from the lights pulling out the electrical cord.

Grissom slowly unraveled her, chuckling as he saw her embarrassment. "Have I told you how beautiful you look today?"

She smiled. He helped her up and realized how the gown clung to her protruding belly. She saw the 'I want you" look and grinned.

"You're getting big," exclaimed Greg.

"You're getting hit," warned Sara.

Catherine laughed as she headed to the kitchen to begin dinner.

Sara excused herself to change. She returned to find the lights on the tree. _I love Christmas lights! _Warrick and Nick were busy with the ornaments while Greg hung the mistletoe. Grissom and Catherine chatted in the kitchen while preparing the meal. She stood and watched as her family busied themselves. _I'm blessed! I'm truly blessed. _

The kick caught her off guard and she found herself bent over. Nick was there in a flash grabbing her arm for support.

"Are you okay?"

"It was just a kick," she said as she straightened back up. Grissom had already crossed the room and was lifting her off the floor.

"Gilbert, put me down."

Nick and Warrick exchanged looks and chuckled.

"Gilbert! We would never have the nerve to call Grissom by his given name," said Nick.

"I mean it, put me down!" she demanded.

He carried her to the baby room and sat her down in the rocking chair. "Rock her to sleep Sara. She likes to be rocked." He bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

He stood there and waited. Sara began to rock. He returned to the kitchen as if nothing had happened ignoring the stares from the others.

"You already have her spoiled and she's not even here," said Catherine. Grissom ignored the comment.

"You know the first time I saw you playing with Lindsey I knew you were a good father. I just wished Sheron would have given you the chance back then." She turned as though to apologize for bringing her name up but he merely looked at her before grabbing her into an embrace and kissing her on the cheek. He quickly released her and returned to work.

"Wow, you've never done that before," said Catherine.

"I should have. I never could do that until Sara," he said.

Greg stood and watched as Sara rocked. "Does it hurt?" he asked.

She turned to see him and smiled, "Not really. Unless she gets a good shot in when I'm offguard." He came and leaned against the crib.

"Is she active a lot?" he asked.

"Yes, she is. She kicks until I rock her or Grissom caresses her. I think she knows his touch as well as his voice already. He reads to her every day. I think she will come out quoting Shakespeare or something."

She looked at him as he stared at her abdomen. "Would you like to feel?" She felt a bit embarrassed once the words left her mouth but suddenly he was there on his knees beside her.

"Really?" he asked.

She placed his hand on her abdomen and his eyes lit up when he felt the kick.

"That's amazing!" He declared.

"What's amazing?" asked Nick.

"Sara Belle, I felt her." He said. His eyes beaming.

"You mean you let Greg but you haven't so much as offered to let me?" asked Nick.

Sara sighed as the guys took turns placing their hand on her abdomen and chuckling as she kicked.

"She going to be a soccer player!" said Nick.

"Kick boxer," clarified Greg.

"Do I get in this?" asked Warrick. He joined the others and laughed when he felt the new life squirm from side to side.

"Where did they go?" asked Catherine as she noticed the room had become empty.

Grissom and Catherine stood in the doorway and watched as the men sat at her feet.

"Look the three wise men have arrived for the birth of the new Grissom," said Catherine.

"I'm not sure 'wise' is the right choice of words. Greg stop fondling my wife!" said Grissom.

"She said I could. Hey, that's not a nice word. Did you know she can play patty cake already?" asked Greg.

"No!" Grissom rushed over and watched as Greg tapped on the side of Sara's abdomen and then stopped. Sara Belle kicked back. They all chuckled.

"That's my girl!" said Grissom. "She stays awake after Sara sleeps so she can play with daddy."

The others stared at Grissom.

"What?"

"Definitely going to be spoiled," said Catherine.

"Gil?" asked Sara.

"Yeah?"

"Who's watching the oven?"

Grissom rushed out of the room with Catherine in tow. He pulled open the oven as the smoke billowed out. "Pizza would be good," he said as he looked at Catherine.

"I'll make the call."

The doorbell rang and it was Brass. Sara smiled. _At least someone arrived on time._

"If that's dinner, I'm not staying," said Brass as he left the door open to air out the room.

"We got carried away with playing with Sara Belle we burned dinner. Pizza is being ordered."

"Works for me…wait! You said Sara Belle…I didn't miss anything did I?"

He hurried into the baby room and stared in disbelief as Greg sat in the floor with his hands around Sara's abdomen.

"She's been hanging out with Lady Bondage too much. Grissom I warned you this might happen."

Sara frowned, "Jim, would you like to…"

"Yes but I'm not ready to die today. Does Grissom know what you're doing?"

"Yes, and he's been participating," said Warrick.

"I'm sorry but these dominatrix flashes are running through my head right now…she isn't here is she?" asked Brass.

"Would you like for her to be?" asked Sara.

"Would I like an ass kicking? No. I think the answer is no."

Sara chuckled, "You really like her. You just won't admit it."

"Since we're all into this togetherness, may I?" he asked.

He approached and slapped Greg's hand away replacing his in the same spot. He smiled.

"Lady Heather could learn a few things from that girl," he said.

Sara smiled. It was going to be a nice party.

She drifted off from time to time. His arms around her seemed to invite sleep. She could still hear the voices and knew when she was about to doze off as their voices trailed away.

"What's this?" asked Warrick as he pulled the list of rules off the fridge.

"Those are the rules for our sessions and every day life," said Grissom.

"Should have come up with some of these myself. Perhaps it would have been better," said Warrick. "They seem pretty simple though."

"Easier said than followed," said Grissom.

"Okay, I have to ask. When did the two of you hook up together?" asked Nick.

"The day Sara was placed on suspension for getting into an argument with Catherine," replied Grissom.

"You mean I'm responsible for getting you two together and yet I don't get to be named god mother or even have her named after me?" snorted Catherine.

"What happened, I mean who made the first move?" asked Greg as he settled down on the floor to pet Bruno.

"I did," said Grissom.

"I find that hard to believe," said Brass. "But it's your story so run with it."

"I went to Sara's apartment to find out why she had been so angry. She had not been herself and she rarely smiled. Ecklie wanted me to fire her but I couldn't. I needed her…"

"I didn't know he wanted her fired…I'm sorry. She just caught me at a bad time…"

"As I was saying, I needed her but not because of the job but because I was in love with her. I was willing to do anything to help her keep her job only she wasn't interested. She was ready to quit."

"How did you convince her to stay?" asked Greg.

"I kept pushing her until she finally told me what was bothering her. She told me about her mother killing her father."

"That must have been really hard on her as a kid," said Nick.

"That was only part of the problem. The other part was me. I kept pushing her away and every time I did, I hurt her even more until she couldn't take it anymore. I knew if I walked away again, I would lose my chance for good."

He looked down at her sleeping form, "I held her while she cried. I remember how she hit me with her fists trying her best to punish me for all the shit I'd put her through and I think she was testing me to see if I would run away again. I saw the pain I had caused and decided right then and there, I would never leave her again. At least that was the plan at the time."

"But you did. You went on sabbatical. You left her and you hurt her," said Greg.

"That's another story. Of all the stupid things I've done in the last two years, I've never stopped loving her. She is…"

"The only person I've ever loved," finished Sara.

"You're using my words again," smiled Grissom.

"Want to make a new rule?" she asked teasingly.

"We have enough rules," he said.

"Okay, let's go around the room and each must share a favorite memory for this year," said Catherine. "I'll start. I got closer to Lindsey after Eddie's death."

"I got married," said Warrick, "I know what you're thinking. It shouldn't because I'm divorced now but that day was special. I'll always remember that."

"Well, I'm thankful for finding Sara," said Nick. "She's always been there for me and I couldn't bear the thought of never being with her again."

He reached over and kissed her on the cheek.

Grissom smiled.

"Well, I'm glad I got some new background information for my book I'm writing thanks to Catherine's mom," said Greg.

"I'm glad Sara didn't kick my ass when I brought her husband home drunk…don't ask for further details…oh and I got the job of being the tykes god father although I swear she looks like me," he smirked as Grissom frowned.

It was Grissom's turn.

"There's too many. Nick finding Sara…Sara becoming my wife…our visit at the Stanley Hotel in Estes Colorado…that's where we saw Sara Belle for the first time on ultrasound…of course Sara Belle," said Grissom.

They looked at Sara. She was asleep again. They smiled.

"I think her favorite memory was how I 'fondled' her," said Greg.

It started with a chuckle followed by all out laughter.

It was a good memory for all of them. They would just have to share it with Sara when she woke up again.

**Note from author:**

Of course I forgot about this last chapter of the Christmas party that I had written so I think I will let us have some happy moments for awhile. It seems that most readers are enjoying the holiday with their families as it should be. Please continue to post a review. I love to hear from you. I know that some of you have just joined us and welcome! If you've been reading, you know I beg for reviews. It is the reason, I sleep less so I can write on this story so please be kind and leave me a review for each chapter.

Take care!

Penny


	124. Chapter 124

**Chapter One Hundred Twenty Four:**

"Who's winning the baby pool so far?" asked Brass.

"Better not be talking about numbers around Sara," warned Grissom.

"Speaking of numbers, you know you could tell us just how much weight she's been gaining each month and then we could estimate what the finale number would be…we could share in the proceeds, let's say a percentage of the take home winnings," offered Greg.

"Forget it Greg. I've learned one thing, never ask your wife how much she's gained," said Grissom.

"You didn't!" said Catherine.

"I did and lived to regret it," said Grissom. "I was just concerned about her. I mean suddenly her body is expanding in areas I never dreamed…"

"Excuse me!" said Sara. "I can't believe you are talking to them about my my my…"

"Can you say 'dog house' Grissom?" chuckled Brass.

"I wasn't saying anything about your weight, honey, really. I was only telling them about the …"

"Session! Right here, right now," demanded Sara. Grissom's face turned red. _Not in front of everyone, Sara. Really… later…_

"What's a session?" asked Warrick.

"I believe it's my turn!" said Sara as she struggled to get up from the couch. Grissom held her down.

"Sara, we can talk when everyone's gone," said Grissom. _Please please please not in front of the guys. Not in front of the guys. Shit!_

"My topic is personal versus family," she said with arms crossed.

"What does that mean?" asked Nick.

"Sara, I didn't discuss anything personal with them. I was only trying to tell them why it's not a good idea to talk about your weight…" _I'm throwing myself under the bus…headlights flashing but I'm too stupid to get out of the way…._

Catherine snickered. "Grissom, why don't you stop while the hole isn't too deep?"

"Stay out of this Catherine. Grissom wasn't telling us anything we didn't already know. Sara's gained quite a bit of weight," said Brass matter of fact. _Have I had too much egg nog or did I just say what I think I said?Yep, Sara is going to kick my ass. _

Grissom whirled around and glared at Brass, "Don't help me here, okay…Sara?"

She was pulling herself up now, grabbing anything she could to bring herself to her feet.

"I recall, you said it was me that said too much around them and now I wake up to hear you talking about my weight!"

"Sara, I don't think you heard all of the conversation, honey. I was merely trying to point out that your body has grown in several sizes…." _Shit!_

She was furious now. She stood there panting with her arms crossed glaring at Grissom.

"Are you talking about her boobs?" asked Greg, "Because I think they've gotten bigger."

Nick smacked Greg in the back of the head. Grissom groaned. Brass inched his way to the door. Warrick sat back and leaned over to Catherine, "My money is on Sara."

"I'm not going to take that bet cause I think Grissom is so going to get it," snickered Catherine.

Grissom jumped up and walked toward Sara but stopped when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get that!" offered Grissom as he retreated across the room. He stood there face to face with Lady Heather.

"Hi um…Heather. I thought you had declined our invitation," said Grissom looking back at Sara.

"I can't stay but I wanted to drop off something I had gotten for the baby," she said as she looked around the room. They stood there at the door, both seeming a bit out of sorts with the others present.

"Oh, look who's here, it's Lady…"

"Jim!" said Sara.

"Lady Heather. It's nice of you to stop in. Let me get that for you," he said as he walked over and took the wrapped gift from Heather. He leaned in and whispered. "Let me guess you got Sara Belle her very own whip."

Heather purposely leaned in close to Brass, "Sexual tension still getting the best of you?" His jaw dropped for a second but quickly turned and carried the gift to Sara.

"Heather, I'm glad you stopped in. We were just having a session or at least trying to …"

"Oh is the subject sexual or behavioral?" she asked as she walked over and took Sara's hand.

Catherine leaned back over to Warrick, "Okay, this changes everything, let's discuss bet's here. My money is on Grissom."

Warrick looked at her, "Are you kidding me? Heather and Sara are going to hang Grissom by his …."

"Exactly!" said Catherine. "My money is on Grissom getting taken out in the first round."

Warrick chuckled.

Grissom shook his head. _They never should have met…I never should have let this go on...panic attack….panic attack…_

"Grissom has been telling me I discuss our personal matters with them but I don't. I just caught him telling them about my weight gain."

Heather shot a look at Grissom. "Why should her weight matter? You still have sex every other night…you should be thankful she even wants to mate with you considering the burden her body has to carry right now."

Greg gawked at Grissom and Sara. "Every other night? I think I'm going to be sick…this is like seeing your parents do it…this conversation has taken a wrong turn."

Nick leaned over to Brass, "Did she just use the word 'mate'? I mean that makes it sound so primal?"

"Kid, don't go there. She'll eat you for dinner…I bet you she gave the baby a leather outfit or her very own whip…kind of turns you on when they run in packs like that, don't it?" commented Brass as he watched Heather and Sara together.

Grissom sighed. _Time for damage control_, "Sara, I'm sorry. You know I love you. I never meant to say anything about the changes in your body. I think it's very…." _I can't say that in front of them…God, how did I get myself into this?…_

"You think it's very what? Grissom, you disappoint me. I've had you in therapy for years and I expected you had gotten well past this…" said Lady Heather.

"Therapy? I thought she's a dominatrix. Oh shit!" said Nick out loud.

"It's not what you think!" yelled Grissom.

Sara smirked. "Oh, of course not. Lady Heather specializes in two types of therapy, behavioral and sexual. Gil, would you like to explain…I wouldn't want to tell them anything personal…"

"Okay that's enough. Grissom said he was sorry. What more do you want him to do?" asked Brass.

"Wait, how did Heather know we have…" _There's that word again…_

"Just say it Gil. You have sex every other night. Just rub it in," said Brass.

"Hold it! You mean you two really have sex every other night? I didn't get that much sex the whole time I was married to Eddie," said Catherine.

"Me either," said Warrick.

"Maybe we need to have therapy with Lady Heather," smirked Catherine.

"Hey guys, I think you're standing under the mistletoe," said Greg.

Grissom didn't delay. He pulled Sara into his arms kissing her urgently. She gasped when his lips left hers. "Forgiven?" he whispered. He kissed her again. "Forgiven," she gasped.

"Okay. I'm calling it a night before it gets too ugly," said Brass.

"Actually, I think it's Brass and Lady Heather that are under the …," said Greg.

Brass started for the door but turned and grabbed Heather making her submit to his long sensual kiss. He released her slowly, "The submissive are actually in control. Who's frustrated now?" He whispered into Lady Heather's ear. He grinned and walked out the door.

"Are we ever going to find out what kind of therapy Grissom has with Lady Heather?' asked Greg.

Nick smacked his head again. "That hurts!"

"I think our first Christmas party went very well," smiled Sara

**Note from author:**

More fluff to end the party. I'm not sure if I should begin the Patrick dies chapters since they go on for several chapters. Perhaps the day after Christmas? Let me know if you want to stay in the fluff until after the holiday. Leave those reviews! Please be sure to give a review for each chapter!! Take care! Penny


	125. Chapter 125

**Chapter One Hundred Twenty Five:**

"Ever wonder where you would be if you made other choices in your life?" asked Nick.

"All the time man, all the time," said Warrick as he looked at the shadow on his finger.

"This is a bit deep. Don't you think guys?" said Catherine as her own thoughts turned to the end of her marriage with Eddie.

"I mean, where we would be if we had changed a single moment in our lives?" asked Nick.

"Like what?" asked Greg.

"Like, not being buried alive," said Nick.

"Like not coming to Vegas," said Sara. _I thought you would have said being caught under the fire engine red mustang._

"Like not coming to San Francisco all those years ago," said Grissom. _I thought you would have said catching the miniature killer…_

"Like not finding my daughter when Eddie's car ran off the road into the water," said Catherine.

"Like not causing the death of someone," said Greg.

"Like being shot," said Brass.

"You think we really made those choices or were the choices already made for us?" asked Nick.

"You mean it was supposed to be like that and we couldn't have changed the outcome no matter how much we wanted?" asked Warrick.

"That would mean no matter what you do, the end result would always be the same. I'm a bit skeptical at that conclusion," said Grissom.

"I think we make the choices but sometimes there's also a guiding factor that leads us to the end result," smiled Sara.

"I'm not following," said Greg.

"I think there's a reason for everything," said Sara.

"Wait, you've just mess up my bumper sticker. You know, shit happens," said Brass.

"Stuff doesn't just happen to happen. We all make choices," said Grissom.

"This is too philosophical for me," said Warrick.

"Is there a point to this discussion?" asked Greg.

"I was just trying to make some sense out of all of the stuff that's happened to us over the past year or so," said Nick.

"Is it supposed to make sense?" asked Sara. "If I've learned anything this year, is that whatever happens, how you choose to react, defines how it impacts your life. I made some poor choices this year," said Sara.

"Like leaving," said Greg.

"No, I needed to leave. I needed to get away and sort things out. How I left was a bit…painful," said Sara.

"Yes, it was. It was cowardly," said Greg.

"I'm with that!" said Nick. "You could have talked with any one of us but instead you took off."

"Not to mention the hell you put Grissom through," added Catherine.

Sara looked down at the floor and Grissom could see the conversation had taken a turn for the worse.

"I'm glad she went," said Grissom grasping her hand. Sara gently pulled away.

"It's okay. You know we've never talked about this and I guess I deserve this. I left. I didn't let anyone know what I was going through."

"You let me," said Grissom softly.

"Only after you'd been hurt," replied Sara. "It's okay. I don't need you to defend me. This is our family and if they want to know why I did the things that I did then I need to explain."

"No, you don't," said Grissom as he glanced at the others.

"Wait, I have to know why you couldn't have come to me. We used to talk about everything. You could have leaned on me," said Nick.

"Yes, we did share a lot but then I had gotten to the point that I needed to face my ghosts on my own if I was going to survive. You know what I mean Nick," said Sara.

"I do. It was hell for awhile after the kidnapping. I had a few phobias to resolve myself," said Nick. "But you helped. I didn't turn you away. You should have done the same."

"If Natalie was the only thing I had to resolve then perhaps I could have stayed and worked through it but even that wasn't enough to cause me to leave. I hated the person I had become. I was sick of my job; of looking at death all the time. I lived with it my whole childhood and it followed me into adulthood. You can cheat death so many times before it shows you who's in control."

"I was tired. I hadn't dealt with the death of my father, the loss of my family. I certainly had not dealt with the loss of the baby. I blamed myself even though Gil told me over and over it wasn't my fault. And then there was the rape. I hid that from everyone even Gil. It hurt every time I worked a rape case. At one point, I even tried to avoid them. I remember getting Catherine to take the Linley Parker case a couple of years ago."

"The Parker case, I remember. She had been raped but fought off her attacker and escaped. We thought we had nailed him once she picked him out of a lineup and got a sample of his DNA," said Catherine.

"Unfortunately, he was living proof that sometimes even humans can be chameleons. He had two separate DNA strands as a result of the fusion of a deceased fraternal twin prior to birth," added Grissom.

"She still lost her life to that bastard," said Catherine.

"It bothered me that she had survived the first rape only to be killed by the same man. We couldn't help her even with all of the evidence. We let her down. I went out that night with the guys. It helped to take my mind off of the case. I was fine until I left them. I intended to stop off for one drink. One drink led to another and then I was stopped by the police," said Sara.

"I came to the police station and took you home," said Grissom. "You scared me that night. I think I already knew and was just waiting for you to tell me but then I'm not sure I was ready to know the truth. I remember ever detail…"

"_Let me take you home…" Grissom said as his hand enveloped hers._

_Grissom guided her out of the police station. She had not spoken a word since his arrival. He wasn't sure what to do or say even though he had rehearsed a speech on the trip over. Since receiving the phone call, he couldn't seem to slow his heartbeat. He was angry. He was scared. He was hurt but more than any emotion he felt guilty. He knew that she was slipping away. She was letting herself slip away. _

_She had reached out before but not lately. She had stopped. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps she was ready to let go of any hope of them. The thought made his heart skip a beat. _

_He reached for her key the moment she produced it from her pocket. He unlocked the door and didn't wait for an invitation but entered the apartment. She sat down on the couch while he immediately went to the kitchen and prepared coffee. _

_She sat there as f she was immune to his presence. She didn't used to be that way. She remembered how she seemed to talk too much when he was close to her. Now, she was silent. He glanced at her a few times checking to see if she had perhaps fallen asleep._

_He poured the cups and brought them to the coffee table. Sitting them down in front of her, he waited for her to reach for the cup but she remained motionless._

"_Sara?"_

"_You think she was relieved when he finally killed her?" She whispered._

_He picked up the cup and placed it in her hand._

_She held it. It was warm. It made her feel. She was surprised that she had been able to feel so detached until that moment. She didn't think she had drank enough…it was his touch that awakened her senses._

"_Sara, why?"_

"_Why not?" came the reply._

"_We did our best. We can't save them all," he said._

"_Not even ourselves," she said without any thought. Her words frightened him. It was more than the case this time. They were at that crossroad. He knew that if he pushed, she would tell him. He knew that if he was right about his suspicions, it would never be the same again. He wasn't sure he could bare to know the truth. _

"_You were supposed to be with the guys," said Grissom._

"_They had to go home. I thought I would have just one…you know to get that slight feeling of euphoria and then come home…funny how it takes more each time…" _

"_Do you drink each time we have one of these cases?" he asked._

"_I used to. Doesn't take much these days…I'm fine Grissom. It was just a bad day. Someday I'll come up with that hobby you warned me to get," she said as she took the cup to her lips. It stayed poised there. _

"_I could help," he offered._

"_I'm sorry but roller coasters are not for me," she said as she set the cup back down._

_He picked it back up and placed it in her hand. "You need coffee."_

"_I'm not drunk, Grissom." She said as she refused to take it._

"_Let's talk," he offered._

"_As a supervisor or a friend?" she asked._

"_Both," he said. _

"_It's late. I think you need to go." She said as she stood. He sat there and wanted to say something but the words would not come._

_He followed her to the door but she didn't open it. He felt himself opening it and then stepping out into the cold. He watched as she closed the door. He stood there and started to leave but there was the overwhelming sense of urgency. He found himself banging on the door until she reappeared._

_He saw the tears on her face and it hurt. It hurt that she chose to grieve in silence again. He had seen her cry before. She had let him comfort her then and now she was choosing to leave him out of the equation. Wasn't that what he had wanted all along? _

_They stood there face to face. He reentered the apartment before she could protest._

"_I'm here as your friend. As your friend, don't you ever do that again! You hear me!" He didn't know when he reached for her but now he was shaking her. He stopped when he heard her sobbing._

"_I'm sorry Sara. Did I hurt you?" he whispered._

"_No," she said. He pulled her to the couch making her sit as he thrust the coffee cup back in her hand. They sat. They didn't mind the silence. Just sharing the moment was enough. They sat side by side with hands intertwined. He smiled when he heard the soft even breathing. She slept. He was content to sit there. He pulled her up close wrapping his arms around her as she slept._

"We slept together that night," he declared.

"We did not," she said.

"Yes, we did. You fell asleep on the couch and I sat there with you till morning," said Grissom. "Best lack of sleep I'd had in months."

"You know this is why Ecklie never could figure out if we had been together for two years or nine years," said Sara.

"It's been nine. Definitely nine," said Grissom. She smiled._ Yes, I guess we have been together whether we wanted to admit it or not…_

**Note from author:**

Hope everyone had a great Christmas! Leave the reviews. My hubby got me all seven seasons and I have been strolling down GSR memory lane…..ah!!!! Take care. Penny


	126. Chapter 126

**Chapter One Hundred Twenty Six:**

Some things are better left unsaid or at least left forgotten. He sat there and closed his eyes against the pain. He was dying. He knew it. He knew there were nine pints of blood in a human body and he was reaching the critical level now. He leaned against the tree and breathed deeply. The air smelled of copper and the tree bark was now wet and sticky.

He didn't want it to end like this. He had wanted to be there when she delivered. He had wanted to hold Sara Belle and kiss her softly in the palm of her hand. He wondered if Sara would remember to tell his daughter about his endearment.

_Of course, she will. She'll grow up to be strong and beautiful like her mother. Brass will be there to make sure no one ever hurts her. The three wise men will be there to show her what fools they can make of themselves whenever she happens to flash a smile in their direction. Sara's smile. She will have Sara's smile. _

He closed his eyes against the pain and felt it getter harder to breathe. _My lung's collapsing. _ He tried to check his vitals but was pushed to continue walking. He heard a grunt and knew that it came from the officer beside him. He had been wounded also.

_Please God, don't let her find me dead. I don't want her to find me like that. Let me at least say goodbye to her. She will need closure. She will need to hear me say 'I love you' one more time. _

The wooded area was dense and it would not be difficult to leave a body behind and hide it with underbrush. He wondered who would find it first. He hoped it was not the bugs. While he had become a renowned entomologist, he didn't think they would be able to find someone on such short notice to make a definitive time line of death. Sure, Doc Robbins would give it his best shot.

_Sara could do it. She's watched me all these years. She could look at the larvae and determine how many hours I had been deceased. She would be able to collect the samples and preserve them for future testimony. I would trust her analysis._

_Wait, I don't want her to see me like that. It would make her upset. She would get angry that I died. She would be standing over my body silently counting before releasing her anger. Brass would threaten to kick my ass or be upset that I intentionally died before he got the opportunity to do it._

_I'm not ready to die. I'm not ready to leave her. I can't leave her now. Not like this. Not when Patrick is still around…_

His mind continued to race. He felt his feet give way and found himself stumbling to the ground. He grimaced at the pain. Grissom felt his body being lifted once more. He wondered how many times this would be permitted before the assailant turned around and got rid of the excess baggage. _I was headed home. Why didn't I finish up at the last scene and let Greg go out on this call with Catherine? I would be at home by now. I would be with Sara. Why did I have to choose to take the call? Hell of a choice. Dead body or Sara?_

He cursed at himself as he trudged on with the assistance of the other officer. Just a few hours ago, they had been finishing up on the strip. Greg had wanted to go solo tonight but Grissom could not bring himself to let him do it just yet. It turned out to be a high profile case and he felt he needed to be there with Greg. It had actually made Greg comfortable knowing that if anything went wrong, Grissom would take full responsibility.

It was at that revelation that Grissom left him there to finish up and take the evidence back. The media was already beginning to swarm and he wanted to see how the young man would hold up to the flickering of cameras and reporters begging for information.

He had grinned when he saw the fear in Greg's eye as he left the scene. It was supposed to be a test to see if Greg had learned anything. It was supposed to be a test to see if he could hold up under pressure. It was now a choice that might have saved the young man's life but cost him his own.

_Would Sara hate Greg for the choice I made for him? Would she blame Greg that he was not there when all hell broke loose and I was shot? Would she remember their conversation about choices and scream at the irony of it all?_

Even though he had not slept well last night, he suddenly had a burst of energy. Perhaps it was the last bit of adrenaline a dying person gets. He had read about that in a journal one time. He tried to recall the details but suddenly his mind didn't seem to want to focus on such trivial details. _That's it! I should be dead already but I'm waiting for her to get here. She's going to come and I'm going to say goodbye. _

He felt himself being pushed to the ground as the assailant forced them to duck out of sight while he listened for the approaching swat team. He had never been held hostage before. He had never been shot before. He wondered if this would be another long night discussion with Brass as they compared bullet wound scars. He certainly hoped so since it would mean he would survive.

He closed his eyes and remembered the previous days' events. She had been mad at him. He had insisted she stay in the lab now. He didn't think the field was any place for a pregnant woman who was almost in her seventh month. She tired way too easy and was sleeping less because of the Sara Belle's insistence to play while Sara needed her sleep. He chuckled at Sara's rant.

"_I swear Gil. As soon as I find a comfortable spot in bed, she is up and doing a tap dance on my bladder. I no sooner return from the bathroom, than she's doing it again," said Sara as she sat down on the couch. _

"_Have you tried to get her to change her sleeping habits?" he asked. The idea sounded absurd and he wished he had never said it as soon as the words left his mouth. Sara had started to say something but suddenly stopped. She scrambled off the couch and began looking through the cabinets until she located a cassette player with head phones. _

_She smiled at him. She then popped in a cassette and placed the earphones over her abdomen and waited for Sara Belle's reaction. She smiled again. Curiosity got the better of him and he quickly sought out the music Sara was piping into his daughter._

"_You can't be serious!" he said._

"_It seems to soothe her. Besides, I always loved to listen to it," she said._

"_This isn't funny, Sara. You're suggesting that my lecture on forensics is going to lull her to sleep!" he said._

"_You do seem to have that effect on some people. She knows your voice. She always reacted to the sound of your voice. It's comforting to her. I've got hours on tape," said Sara as she yawned. _

_He had pouted. He had waited for Sara Belle to come to his defense and demand play time with him but instead Sara Belle slept. In fact, both of the women in his life were asleep. He spent the next couple of hours reading his favorite book because suddenly he could not sleep. He was looking for validation in his decision to keep her in the lab._

_Although he had wanted her to agree with him, she had remained resistant. He continued the conversation the next day up until he left for work leaving her behind. She had taken off because of working over a previous night. _

The officer's hand on his shoulder brought him back. They looked at one another as the assailant ushered them forward. Soon the swat team would locate them and he wondered what would happen. One thing was certain. If help did not arrive soon, he would be dead.

He tried to imagine how the others were reacting to his capture. He wondered if someone had told Sara yet. He wasn't even sure if his team had arrived on the scene yet and if so, were they remembering everything he had taught them. He knew Catherine would take charge. She would insist they go slow because that is exactly what he had always told them. _Sometimes the best way to go fast is to go slow. _He hoped they didn't follow his advice tonight. He needed them to act fast.

**Note from author:**

Okay, as you can see we have now entered the chapters leading up to Patrick's death. Now you can also see why I was reluctant to release these during Christmas. Leave a review. Take a deep breath and I'll post again after everyone has had a chance to review. Take care! penny


	127. Chapter 127

**Chapter One Hundred Twenty Seven:**

It happened before anyone had time to react. Unfortunately how could someone act at a moment like this? They had just lost Grissom. Grissom, the best supervisor for the Las Vegas crime unit and they had lost him. Warrick and Nick were in a panic. Brass cursed under his breath. He worried about how the news would affect Sara.

_Shit! Someone will have to tell her. Someone will need to go to the townhouse to get to Sara before she hears about it through the media._ He wiped the sweat from his forehead and swore out loud. " Damn!" This could not be happening. _What the hell happened?_

It had been like any other shift. The unit had been called out to an abandoned crack house where someone had called in a body. The police were supposed to have already been on the site but was having difficulty securing the location. One bullet led to another and there had been an all out gunfire between the police and some crack junkies hell bent on protecting their turf. Grissom had just arrived after the first spraying of bullets.

Once the gunfire had ceased, the police had chased the suspects on foot. It had not been an easy task since the house was surrounded by wooded area. They thought the house was secure. They were wrong. Grissom arrived followed by Catherine. The two along with two police officers began working the crime scene.

They had been there a couple of hours when there was a sound from underneath the floor. At first they thought it was rats but then the trap door hidden under the rug was thrown open and two figures jumped out catching the officers by surprise. Grissom heard the first round and yelled for Catherine to call it in.

She had gone to the Denali for additional supplies when the air exploded with gunfire. Catherine watched in horror as an officer staggered out of the house and then fell to the ground. Catherine pulled out her weapon and hid behind the Denali as she called for back up.

She could see movement in the house but then another explosion of gunfire filled the air. The air became deathly quiet. The silence was drowned out by the approaching back up and she prayed Grissom had been able to take cover within the house. She waited until the police units arrived on the scene to leave her position.

The swat team searched the house but no one could be found. Grissom and the other officer were missing along with the other shooter. One lay dead near the trapped door. Grissom had been working in the hallway when Catherine left. She surveyed the area and she gasped when she saw blood spattering on the wall. Someone had been hit but there was no body.

Brass had alerted the other CSI. Warrick and Nick had just finished dinner and thought they had been called to assist only. Little did they know that Grissom and another officer were considered hostages.

"What the hell happened?" asked Nick when he saw Catherine standing with Brass. He held gauze over the small cut on her forehead. She couldn't remember how she had received it and had not noticed it until Brass touched the wound.

"That's a little deep, hon. I think you need to have that looked after," said Brass.

She looked at Warrick and then Nick, "Grissom's missing." The sheer statement seemed down right impossible. Nothing ever happened to Grissom. Grissom was their rock, their foundation.

"Do we know what happened?" asked Warrick.

"I came out here for supplies leaving Grissom in the hallway. The officer over there said two armed men came out of a trap door in the floor and began shooting. He says his partner ran toward Grissom. He killed the one suspect but the other had a semi automatic and began ripping the place apart. He ran out here when he was shot. He never saw Grissom or the other officer again."

"No bodies so they must have been taken hostage on foot," said Nick.

"They're going to have to comb this entire mountain side. It could take hours. Someone has to tell Sara" said Catherine.

They looked at one another. Greg arrived shortly and ran over. "Sorry I'm late. I was finishing up on another case and heard they had called for additional personnel." He looked at their faces, "What's the matter?"

"Grissom's missing. He's been taken hostage," said Nick. Greg looked at the house and then at the Denali.

"He told me to stay and get the rest of the evidence to the lab. He usually does that sort of thing but tonight he decided to let me finish it. I could have been on this scene. Has anyone…"

"No," came the reply from all.

"She doesn't still listen to that scanner does she?" asked Warrick.

"Grissom took it away. Someone's going to have to tell her," said Greg.

They were silent. Even with the noise of the others on site, the silence hung among them.

"I'll do it," said Brass.

He got into his vehicle and left. Catherine pulled on Warrick's sleeve. "We need to start processing the scene. By the book everyone. Cross your T's and dot your I's. Okay?"

They began working. There was nothing else for them to do. They looked back to see Brass speeding away. They did not envy the man.

Sara walked into the baby room and sat in the rocker. Sara Belle was active. She was active a lot these days. At least she had been able to sleep. She chuckled to herself about the cassette recorder. Grissom had not been too pleased but it had worked. Sara Belle had settled down long enough for her to sleep.

She felt a bit out of sorts being at home tonight. It wasn't her normal night off but she had worked over the night before. If Grissom had her way she would be spending every night at home until the baby arrived. She caressed her tummy and frowned. Perhaps he was right. It had been getting harder and harder for her to work the crime scenes even if they were being selective in order to protect her.

Her mind was eager to work now having more clarity now than it had in months but her body was sluggish. It was difficult for her to maneuver around. Of course she was always paired with one of the gang but still it was difficult admitting her short comings.

To admit so quickly that he was right would send a red flag up declaring defeat and she wasn't ready to that so soon. She had envisioned a couple more weeks working along side her husband before being sidelined.

She glanced around the room again. The room had been completed for weeks now but they found themselves inspecting the room every other day. They had settled on a neutral color and the room had turned out perfect.

She had never planned for a baby before. In all honesty she had never dreamed she would. Grissom had taken it upon himself to buy any and every book on the subject. His favorite of late was the day to day growth of the fetus to full term. It had taken up residence on top of her book of poetry.

They had been preparing themselves for this last leg of the pregnancy. She had been excited. They both were. Now, that it was approaching, she felt a bit of nervousness creep over her. Child birth could be hell or at least that's what she had been told. Her mother has sent many emails on the subject.

She had told of Sara's birth from the time of conception to birth. She had listened to Catherine's tale and had decided that delivery was not for her. Unfortunately she had not figured out an alternative to delivery. The child would come. She would deliver. It was the pain she dreaded.

She patted Bruno on the head as she continued to stare at the walls. She glanced at her watch and thought a nice surprise dinner with Grissom was in order. The knock on the door took her by surprise. She opened the door to find Patrick standing there.

**Note from author:**

Yes, I know you're wondering how Grissom is doing. I read a few chapters ahead and he is hanging in there so don't worry. We could never lose Grissom! Leave the reviews…Take care! Penny


	128. Chapter 128

**Chapter One Hundred Twenty Eight:**

"It's Grissom," he said.

"What happened?" she whispered as she tried to talk over the lump in her throat.

"There was a shooting at the crime scene and they think he's been taken hostage. I wanted to tell you before you heard on the news or the scanner. You still have a scanner don't you?" he asked.

"No, how did you find out?" she asked.

"They're calling in all CSIs and they need a supervisor on sight. I'm headed there now. Come with me," he said.

"Over my dead body," said Brass as he walked up. "Have you always been this stupid or is it just something you work at when I'm around?" asked Brass.

"I thought Sara should know about Grissom," said Patrick. "I didn't want her to hear it over the scanner."

"So thoughtful of you now get the hell away from her."

Patrick glanced at Sara and then Brass.

"Come with me Sara and I'll take you there. Do you think he's going to let you go out there?" asked Patrick.

Sara glanced at Brass. "Yes, he will because if he doesn't I'll kick his ass. Isn't that right, Jim?" asked Sara.

"It seems she has made her choice. Get off this property before I have you arrested," said Brass.

Brass waited until he drove out of sight and then walked into the townhouse. The news was the same.

She grabbed her jacket and headed to the door but it was blocked by Brass.

"Sara, do you really think Grissom would want you out there in your condition?" he asked.

"You can't just drop in and tell me **my** husband has been taken hostage and not expect me to help," she yelled.

He knew better than to argue. She needed to be there.

"Fine. Let's go. Oh and I don't give a crap about saying the "f" word anymore. You can tell him that when we see him and Sara we will see him," said Brass. He wasn't sure if he tried to reassure her or himself. It did neither.

They started out the door when she stopped and ran into the bedroom. She grabbed the rosary beads marking his spot in the baby book.

When they arrived, Nick hurried to the car. Helping her out, he tried to hug her but she pulled away. "You're acting like something is wrong with Grissom. Well, he's fine. Grissom has always been fine." She didn't know where the speech came from but she quickly turned her attention to the crime scene. _Work mode Sara! Now!_

"What have they found?"

Catherine looked at Brass and then at the others.

"Catherine, now!" Sara demanded.

"There's blood splattering on the wall where Grissom was last seen. He may have been injured."

"Could have been the gunman or even the officer. We don't know for certain…" said Sara.

Greg came running up to the group. "Hodges just confirmed the blood on the wall belongs to…." He stopped when he saw Sara.

"Belongs to who Greg?" glared Sara.

"Belongs to Grissom." Sara felt her stomach lurch. She closed her eyes to fight off the nausea. _Not now._

"Sara, are you alright?" asked Catherine.

"I'm… I need him back. You hear me guys. I need my husband back." She choked on the last part as Nick reached for her arm.

'This isn't helping. I don't want you to tell me it's going to be okay. I know it. It has to be. I need you to get out there and find him."

She was surprised at her anger. _You can't comfort me anymore. I need Grissom. Grissom…her brain chanted his name over and over. _

She headed to the house. They didn't stop her. Ecklie had been called to the scene and he watched as she marched into the house. An officer headed in her direction but Ecklie motioned for them to let her go. "She's one of us," he called.

The others looked at Ecklie. There was a nod from Nick followed by Warrick. Ecklie turned to continue talking with the other officers.

Sara stood and looked at the blood splatter. She followed the pattern and tried to visualize where the bullet would have impacted Grissom's body. Nick stood and watched her.

"Based on Grissom's height, we can estimate it may have hit him in the abdomen."

"If he had been crouching, it could have been in the shoulder. If it had been in the abdomen there would be a …body." She looked around and tried to follow the blood trail.

"We followed it outside and into the back yard but then we lost it. They could have covered it with something to slow down the bleeding," said Nick. "They're waiting on a team of dogs to come in and…"

"That may be too late. He's wounded. He could bleed to death," said Sara.

"Sara…." Said Nick.

Sara started to go but he grabbed her arm. "You can't go Sara. He has a gun and may open fire."

"I'm going!" She pulled her arm away and started to run into the woods.

Nick and Warrick both caught her and held her back. She kicked and flailed at them.

"Sara!" yelled Patrick.

She stopped struggling. _It should have been you! Why Grissom? _

She felt Nick pull her into his arms and hold her. "We're going to find him. I promise," whispered Nick. _You found me. You have to find Grissom. _

He released her and watched as she returned to the original spot with the blood splattering and began placing the evidence markers at each droplet of blood.

"We can do that, Sara," said Greg quietly.

"I'll do it. It's his blood. I'll do it."

"You can't. Conflict of interest. You have to let us work the scene," said Greg as he pulled the markers out of her hand.

She stood there for a moment and then walked outside to stare at the last known droplet of blood. She remained there while the others began. Once the room was completed, they went outside to talk with Brass in private.

Patrick watched from a distance. When the others left, he came over and stood beside Sara. "Sara, I think I know what direction they headed. I'll find him. Don't worry."

Patrick turned to leave but Sara grabbed his arm. "Promise me you'll bring him back safe and sound. If you've ever cared about me, promise me! He's my life Patrick!"

"I'll fix this. I promise," he said and ran off.

Sara waited until he entered the woods and took off after him.

Brass closed his phone, "Any news?"

"No, Sara's a bit upset about the blood belonging to Grissom. We now know he's injured. I can't believe they called in Patrick to supervise," said Nick.

"Like he would give a damn if Grissom lived or died," muttered Brass.

"You might want to talk with her. She's pretty upset," said Nick.

Brass and the others entered the house and began cursing when they realized Sara was gone and so was Patrick.

Grissom leaned up against the tree and tried to block out the pain. His shoulder was burning. The coppery odor filled the air and he knew the wound was still bleeding. The officer had tried to help him but the gunman had urged them on when the sirens were nearing the house. Grissom's revolver was now in the pants pocket of the gunman. He stared at the man trying to remember every physical detail of his description.

"What are you looking at?"

"Someone who should be running for his life. Why don't you take off? We're only holding you back. You can cover more territory without us," said the officer.

The gunman paced. He knew they were closing in on him and he needed to get as much distance between them as possible. He looked at the officer and cursed. The man had been shot in the leg and his injury was slowing them down. He then looked at Grissom.

He knew that sooner or later Grissom would not be able to continue. It was just a matter of time with the loss of blood. He stared at the two and then pulled out the hand gun and fired.

The body fell to the ground. Now there was only one hostage. Grissom.

She stopped when she heard the gunshot. Sara could hear her heart pounding in her chest. Her hand instinctively went up to her mouth. She heard someone behind her and was relieved when she saw it was the others.

"What the hell do you think you're doing out here?" Brass quietly whispered to her.

"Looking for Grissom!" she said. They continued to move forward but Brass took the lead. Although it was dark outside, they had been fortunate that it was a full moon and therefore more visible to the naked eye. It was the object lying ahead that made them quicken their pace. The image soon took on the form of a body and they stopped.

Sara started to go to it but Nick forcibly held Sara back as the others neared the body.

"Sara, let them check. Honey, you don't want to find him like that. Let them check," he whispered. She stood there and he could see for the first time the terror in her eyes. He made her turn away as the others rolled the body over.

"It's not Grissom!" yelled Brass.

Sara let out a small cry but then broke free and was running again. Nick continued on her heels. The gunman pulled Grissom along as they hurried down a hill. They heard a sound coming from behind them. By this time, Grissom was having difficulty breathing. _Lung is going to collapse soon. It's getting harder to breathe. God, I don't want to leave her…not now…she needs me…_He fell to his knees and winced at the pain in his shoulder. He looked at the man who turned to stare at him.

"You can leave me here. I'll be dead soon anyway. If you kill me, then it's just another murder charge. They'll know it was you because of the gun. Run now while you can," said Grissom.

The man turned and started to walk away but then stopped. Grissom closed his eyes and waited. His thought was on Sara. _I'm not going to give up this easy._

He jumped up pushing the man down and they began fighting over the gun. Grissom fell backwards and collapsed on the ground. The man stood there with the gun pointed at Grissom.

There was a shot and then Grissom saw the man fall to the ground as well. Patrick came over and crouched down by Grissom.

"It seems I have a dilemma here. I could shoot you right here, right now and be done with you once and for all. You took the only person I've ever loved. The only person I'll ever love."

**Note from author:**

Please continue with the reviews. Thanks so much for those of you who have been away and have been going back and posting a review for each chapter. It means a lot! I will post again soon. Take care! Penny


	129. Chapter 129

**Chapter One Hundred Twenty Nine:**

"She doesn't love you, Patrick," said Grissom through gritted teeth as the pain intensified.

"She could have if you had never come to San Francisco. She could have forgiven me. She would have seen I never meant to hurt her. Sara always forgives. It would have happened but you took away the only person I've ever loved. You have my life. You had your chance at a life with someone but you were too blind to even notice her and she took her own life including your son's. What kind of person does that make you?"

Grissom coughed. "Sara would have taken her own life after what you did to her if I had not come to San Francisco. You see the choices I made back then saved the only person I've ever loved, Sara. Do you think she will forgive you for killing me?"

He closed his eyes from the intense burning in his chest. The struggle for air was getting worse. With every word he felt warmth etch down his back.

"I'm not going to kill you. You're already dead. How much blood do you think you've lost already? I just had to follow the blood trail you left behind to find you. You're dead and you don't even want to admit it. She'll see that I tried to get to you in time but you'll die not by my hands but by someone else. She'll grieve for awhile but I'll wait. I'll slowly give her time to get over you and then I'll be there to take care of her and Sara Belle."

Grissom's jaw twitched. _Over my dead body…_

"You don't know Sara. You never did. Sara loves for life. She'll never love you Patrick. With me gone, she'll grieve until there is nothing left. You'll never know what it's like to love someone so much that it completely consumes you. Without it, you don't exist. I could no longer live without Sara as she could live without me. In the end, you will have nothing."

His words struck a cord with Patrick. A memory flashed before him. He was sitting with Sara in the desert. Her words had sliced through him back then and now Grissom echoed what he had known all along.

_One can not exist without the other…_

Patrick pulled Grissom forward and checked his wound. He pulled off his vest and laid it on the ground. Opening his pocket knife, he cut the inner lining out. He then stuffed the material firmly into the entry and exit wound. Grissom gasped at the pain.

"Did I hurt you? Good. I've wanted to kill you the moment I set eyes on you," said Patrick. He pulled out his radio and alerted the others to the location. He watched as Grissom struggled to breathe.

"You're not out of the woods yet. You could still die. I won't be the reason this time. I won't hurt Sara. If you die, you'll have caused her more pain than I've ever inflicted."

Patrick started to help Grissom to his feet when there was a noise from behind. The gunman rose up and pointed the gun at Grissom. Patrick shielded him taking the bullet in the chest. Grissom grabbed Patrick's gun and fired killing the gunman.

The others rushed to Grissom as the officers checked the gunman and then Patrick.

Sara ran to Grissom's side. She glanced over at Patrick's body on the ground. "He took a bullet that was meant for me," said Grissom

"He's got a pulse but it's thready," called one of the officers.

Grissom watched as an officer attempted to place pressure on Patrick's wound to stop the flow of blood. He closed his eyes against the pain when he felt pressure being placed on his own wound.

The officer's attempt to stop the bleeding was futile. Sara watched as the blood seeped out more and more. For a moment she was back there in the kitchen floor with her father as he lay dying. She placed her hands on the bandage and begged him to stay with her.

"I kept my promise Sara. I kept it. I couldn't let you be hurt again. I'm sorry I ever hurt you," he whispered.

"It's okay. You're going to be fine," she whispered.

"Always knew you were lying when you said "Fine". Watch her if she ever says 'fine" Grissom. It really means she's not." He coughed and struggled from the pain.

"Be still Patrick."

"Don't screw up Grissom. Don't you ever hurt her. I'm sorry Sara. I never meant to hurt you," he said.

"I know. I forgive you," she whispered and she saw him smile one last time. "That's my girl! I always knew you would forgive me…"

Patrick was dead. Sara covered her mouth as she felt an overwhelming sadness at the loss. Grissom touched her hand. "Sara? Honey? Are you okay?"

"You're shot and you ask me if I'm okay. Hell yes I'm fine!" she said.

She threw herself into his arms and he held her despite the pain. "I'm sorry Gil, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's okay. If Patrick hadn't come along I would be dead right now. He took a bullet for me."

Her eyes began to mist as she watched him close his eyes against the pain. He was beginning to lose consciousness.

"Gil, stay with me. The paramedics will be here soon. You hear me!"

He opened his eyes and squeezed her hand. "I'm glad you forgave him," he whispered.

"I love you Gilbert Grissom. Don't break the rules. One can not exist without the other. You hear me! Stay with me! Stay with us. We need you," cried Sara.

"I love you. I think I've loved you forever," he said.

"Borrowing my words again," she said as she tried to take his pulse.

"They seem to fit better with my time line than yours," he said.

She looked at him a bit puzzled.

"My nine years versus your two," he added. She smiled.

Brass came over and smiled at Grissom, "Being shot sucks."

He tried to make light of the situation but knew that Grissom had already lost too much blood. He looked at Sara who had the same worried expression.

She grabbed Jim's arm and whispered, "We need to move him. We can't wait any longer."

They decided to carry him at least to the clearing so he could be medivaced out. Sara followed holding his hand as the others tried not to jostle him.

"What do you want to do about dinner?" she teased.

"Just don't let them feed me crackers and ginger ale," he said.

"I promise," said Sara.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"We should have a Christmas party every year," he whispered.

"Okay. Hey, I've been meaning to tell you that we need to clean out the garage," she said. _Thank God! I'm shot!_

"Sara?"

"Yeah".

Grissom winced. "Being shot sucks."

"Yes dear. I bet it does."

She sat there in the waiting room counting the blocks on the ceiling. _Grissom did this before. He told me. He told me he did this when he was waiting for the doctors to come out and tell him I was going to be okay. _

She glanced at the clock on the wall. _There's something wrong with that clock. It moves too slowly! They said an hour or so in surgery and it's only been forty minutes. God! How did he deal with the waiting!_

When she was convinced she had counted them correctly, she began to pace. She walked until she felt as though she would collapse; it was the forceful kicking of Sara Belle that made her sit down beside Nick. She sat there and waited.

She had no idea how long she waited, only that she eventually found herself being pulled down and then blessed sleep over took her.

"Shouldn't we wake her?" asked Nick as he lay with Sara's head in his lap.

"Let her sleep," said Warrick.

"Grissom would want her to rest," said Brass. _Hell! What are we going to do if he doesn't make it? _

"Greg, go find a blanket and a pillow. She feels cold. You think she's okay sleeping like this?" asked Nick.

"It's a miracle, she can sleep at all. Grissom was telling me she hadn't been able to sleep very well because of the pregnancy. She must be exhausted," said Catherine.

"What's keeping them so long?" asked Brass.

"Should have been here when you were in surgery," said Catherine. "Waiting sucks."

Brass swore, "Well, we've been here too often. I'm telling you if one of you winds up here in the ER I'm…"

Catherine cut him off. "You'll be the first to show up."

She patted him on the shoulder, "He's going to be okay. This is Grissom we're talking about."

Greg looked at the others and then glanced down at Sara before saying the unspeakable, "What if he doesn't?"

"Don't say that! Don't you ever say that!" Sara yelled as she pulled herself up.

She started to pace again but stopped and glanced at Greg. Once she saw the hurt in his eyes, she grabbed him pulling him into an embrace. He had never been on the receiving side of this before, at least not where Sara was concerned.

Sara had always leaned on Grissom or Nick but now here she was holding Greg and sobbing. It felt great. He rubbed her back and whispered it would be okay. He then whispered something else and she laughed.

It was at that moment, the surgeon, arrived. _It took too long. It took too long! _Screamed Sara's brain. They gathered around her as she held on tightly to Greg.

"Mrs. Grissom?"

"Yes" she said hesitantly.

"Your husband is fine."

"He said the "f" word you guys. Can you imagine that?" she laughed and cried at the same time. She buried her head in Greg's shoulder as Nick rubbed her back. "He's going to be fine, Sara."

"Mr. Grissom suffered quite a bit of blood loss before and after the surgery but we were able to stop the bleeding. His lung collapsed during the surgery and it was a little touch and go there for awhile but he's a fighter. He's going to be out for quite some time. I suggest you get some rest and then in a few hours after he's moved from post op you can go in to see him. Immediate family only."

"We are his immediate family," said Sara. "All of us."

The surgeon smiled. "He's a lucky man then. Get some rest." He patted her on the shoulder and then left.

"You hear that, Sara?" said Brass. "Rest."

"I'm not leaving and don't think you can make me. I will however go for some food."

"Coming up," said Greg. He let go of her and headed out the door.

"Hey, Greg, I'll give you a hand," said Warrick. "That's a lot of food to carry."

"You better be referring to all of us eating and not just mine," quipped Sara.

Warrick chuckled as he took out after Greg.

**Note from the author:**

I am so thankful for those that have been away to go back and give a review for the previous chapters. Thanks so much for the reviews! I'll post again after the reviews come in. Take care! Penny


	130. Chapter 130

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty:**

He saw her when he returned from the coffee machine. She was standing by the nurse's station. He was surprised she had come but then Grissom had visited her when she was in the hospital. He watched as she seemed to be visibly upset.

The woman rarely showed any emotion and now, here she was wringing her hands and swiping at her eyes from time to time. Tonight she was not a dominatrix. Tonight, she was a woman who was worried about her friend. He walked over to her and handed her the coffee.

"Not what you're used to but then again I'm not sure what you like."

"Black is fine," she said. "A little cream and sugar helps remove the bitterness. No one likes bitterness at a time like this."

He grinned. He understood. _A Truce for tonight…_

He told her what little information he had obtained and they would get to see him later. His discussion then turned to Sara. He surmised Sara would be difficult to handle. She told him that Sara should be left alone. She needed to be with Grissom and sitting at home would only cause her anxiety.

"Experience or speculation?" he asked.

"Human nature for us to think we know what the grieving person needs without asking the person."

"What do you need?" he asked.

"Nothing," she replied.

"Everybody needs something," he said.

"I don't need the trappings of love. Some do. I don't," she said.

"Good for you. I never offer the stuff," he said as he leaned against the wall.

"I know," she said.

He was startled by her reply but then his attention turned to Sara. He recalled the power of attorney papers stuck in his coat pocket. It had been just a few months ago when Grissom had asked for the favor.

"_Jim, I need you to sign the power of attorney papers," said Grissom._

"_You have Sara now. Shouldn't your wife be making these decisions?" asked Brass._

"_If anything should happen to me, she's going to have her hands full with the baby. I don't want her to be burdened with any life threatening decisions. I trust your judgment. Sara might not be able to let go…You can." _

"_Let me tell you, if you ever die on me, I'm kicking your ass the first time I see you in Heaven. Got that?"_

_Grissom had grinned. 'Glad you've decided to join us there. I was a little worried about your soul."_

"_It's not my soul you should be concerned about but rather the end of my shoe."_

"Jim?"

He was surprised when she called him by his first name.

"Didn't know I would ever hear my name out of your mouth," he said with a sigh.

"I know a lot about you," she said.

"Yeah, me too. I mean, I know more than I care to know about you."

"Does it bother you? My profession."

"Does it bother you that I'm a cop most likely to arrest you?"

"Be nice, Mr. Brass. I have never done anything illegal."

"Well, nothing that I've found…yet."

"Keep looking. I don't mind. You're welcome to strip search me any time," she said next to his ear.

He spewed the coffee out. She pulled out a hanky and gently swiped his mouth. He could smell the perfume on the object and took it from her hand. She smiled and let him keep it. He wiped the front of his shirt and then held it in his hand. _I'm being a pervert. Yes but I'm a happy one…_

She sat down and waited with the others. There was some small talk from the others. Catherine talked the most to her. Perhaps it was because she had worked on Lady Heather's case and knew her more than the others did.

They were surprised when Lady Heather took Sara's hand and sat with her. They could make out the soft hushed tones but the words were too soft for eavesdroppers. They did notice the swipe of a tear here and there as they each seemed to comfort one another.

She left Sara alone then making her way back to a chair in the corner. Brass knew she had intentionally sat away from Sara so the others would not keep their distance. They both knew Sara needed as much support tonight than ever even if she could not bring herself to ask for it.

He surprised himself by sitting next to her. He leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment waiting for a jab from her but none came. He opened his eyes only to find she had done the same thing. She too sat with eyes closed. It was going to be a long night.

He glanced at his watch and realized the night was finally over and it was morning now. To sit in the waiting area, time seemed to be lost on them. No one seemed to notice their shift had ended or that no one bothered to check in with the office except Catherine. As the lead worker, she made one call at the hospital.

It had been brief. She had deliberately informed Ecklie to get off his ass and take charge since they had no intentions of leaving the hospital until they had seen Grissom. Ecklie admired the unit's loyalty even if it was only to Grissom rather than the department.

They had been fortunate that they had not been requested to come back in. The swing shift was picking up any new cases. Ecklie had taken upon himself to distribute the cases since both acting supervisors were no longer there.

Brass remembered his own recovery from the shooting and knew that it was not going to be easy for Grissom. He was not used to someone taking care of him. They would be hard pushed to keep him in the hospital for more than a week. He opened his eyes again and found Lady Heather staring at him.

"You're kind of cute when your mouth isn't moving," she whispered.

"You're not so bad yourself when you're not the prime suspect in a murder case," he said.

"Mouth is working," she warned.

"At least you didn't tell me I'm sexually frustrated," he grinned.

"If you stop now, you won't prove me correct," she countered.

"Strip search, huh?" he asked.

"Does that turn you on?" she asked.

"Put any naked lady in front of a dirty old man and there's a turn on switch."

"Are you going to close your mouth?" she asked.

"I can't seem to find anything else to do with it but talk…"

She leaned over and kissed him before he could react. He blushed.

"I'm sexually frustrated now," he admitted.

"See, I'm rarely wrong about these things," she said as she got up and walked away.

He sat there as she walked down the hall and out of sight. He closed his eyes but grinned from the experience. _Should take my own advice and buy a sports car. That's what I told Grissom when I thought he was getting involved with her. It would be cheaper to buy a sports car than to get involved with her…hell, what I am doing?_

The smell of hot coffee made him open his eyes a while later and she thrust a Starbucks coffee in his direction.

"Thought I would help you occupy that mouth of yours," Heather said as she took her place beside him.

He took a sip of the coffee and smiled. _Sports cars are overrated._

**Note from author:**

Fluff for awhile. I have been gagging on the stuff all day. I've been asked to keep the fluff for the remainder of the year…..geez…that could be hard…it was so hard not to have Patrick kidnap Sara and drag her off to some foreign country and then Grissom take on this James Bond look and go after them….okay no more chocolate for the rest of the day…actually I have been writing today about baby Grissom…fluff isn't so overrated.

Leave those reviews! Remember, chapter review happy Penny more Sessions It's a vicious cycle!

Take care!


	131. Chapter 131

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty One:**

Sara sat down in the chair and closed her eyes. _He's going to be fine… He's going to be…how many of those tiles were there? Damn! Now I have to start over. _

Sara glared at the others when they approached diluting any ideas of getting her to leave. She recounted the tiles and then repeated the answer over and over to herself. When she tired, Greg got a blanket and pillow from the nurse's station and she reluctantly lay down on the couch in the waiting room. She patted her pocket and smiled when she felt the rosary beads.

She intended to leave them with his favorite book beside his bed. Greg had run to the townhouse and walked Bruno while getting a few things for her. She had completely forgotten about Bruno until Greg had offered to make the trip. She knew he still felt guilty for saying out loud what they had all been afraid to admit.

_Grissom could have died._

Even now, she felt the welling of a dam deep within her wanting to be released. She looked at her watch and sighed. She just wanted to see him. She needed to see him. Each time she closed her eyes she saw the lifeless body of Patrick only he became Grissom.

She shut out the thought that floated around inside her head. _Grissom could have died._ _I almost lost him. _

She knew they had told her he was going to be fine but she wanted to feel his hand in hers and know that this separation was only temporary. She remembered when she had been in the hospital and how he had stood by vigilantly waiting to be with her. She did not fully understand how lost he must have felt after having been separated by someone else only to be reunited and then separated at a time when they needed each other the most.

_They wouldn't understand. They would think it's just the hormones but I know better. _

She took in a ragged breath when her thoughts came full circle. Being away from him when he was fighting for his life, hurt far worse than anything she had endured in that damn desert. _He must have felt like this when I was here. He must have felt so empty…_

Here she was surrounded by the others and yet she never felt so alone before in her life. _He must have felt this way. He must have felt this void…I never should have sent him away when I did. I thought I was doing what was right…I was wrong…I sent him away when he needed me the most…_

The thought continued to rage their private hell within her head. She seemed a bit relieved when Father Brannigan came and sat with her. As the hours passed, they chatted about Patrick and Grissom and the gang and the baby and the number of tiles on the ceiling and Chinese food and holding of hands and endearments at the office and then… Sara finally slept.

They sat and they waited. They took turns moving about the chairs in the waiting room. Greg seemed to fidget the most. He walked the halls and counted the tiles. He smiled when he came up with the same number that Sara had mumbled. When there didn't seem to be anything else to do, he politely took a seat and stared at Lady Heather and Brass.

His smile annoyed Brass. When his smile was met with a scowl he decided it was time to roam the halls again.

"How long are we going to let her stay?" asked Nick

"Long enough to see Grissom and then we'll just have to carry her out," said Brass. Little did they know she was awake.

"Don't even try it!" she said in defiance. Her heart started to pound and she stood quickly as a nurse approached. She smiled when she was led to Grissom's room.

She entered quietly so as not to wake him. She pulled up the chair and grasped his hand in hers and then did something she had never done. She kissed the palm of his hand. He turned and smiled.

"Did you have dinner?" he asked.

"Chinese," she replied. "How about you?"

"A few pints of blood, some kind of IV solution and lots of pain killers," he said.

"Are you in much pain?" she asked.

"Only when I'm away from you," he managed. _Yeah, I know. I really know._

"There are one hundred and forty tiles in the waiting room," she announced.

He smiled. "I love you Sara."

"I love you too," she replied as she leaned over and kissed him.

"Go to sleep," she whispered.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you?" he asked.

She smiled and then pulled out his favorite book and began to read. "The baby is getting bigger. This week your baby now has eyelashes and eyebrows and hair on your baby's head. This will continue to grow. The fetus has fully formed fingerprints… "

"Really?" He asked

"Really." She smiled and continued, "Loud noise can wake up the baby."

"Not if she takes after you," he added.

"Do you want me to read this or are you going to comment on every little thing?" she teased.

"Proceed," he said as he closed his eyes. She continued to read a few more lines until she knew he had fallen asleep. She placed the book by the bed and then kissed him gently on the lips. She lay her head down by his side as she wept. _I almost lost you. I can't ever lose you. Don't you ever leave me Gilbert Grissom! You're the only person I've ever loved…_

She slept. With hands entwined with his. She slept. They dared not move her.

Some time during the night, she curled up in the reclining chair with the blanket and pillow Greg had found for her earlier. Grissom woke and saw her sleeping.

The door opened slightly and Brass stuck his head in.

"Didn't want to wake you," he said as he glanced over at Sara. He grinned. "She on the other hand is a heavy sleeper so I'm not worried about waking her."

"Yes, she is," said Grissom. He looked at Brass. "How did you…"

"Oh I've slept with her before," it was Jim's turn to smile. "Your sabbatical…she stayed with me…"

Grissom grinned.

"Listen, I thought you should know the gunman killed Patrick with your gun. Here I had been telling everyone to get a gun off the streets and he gets killed with your gun. Kind of reeks of the old style of justice thing…"

"He could have just sat there and did nothing. I would have bled to death or he could have let the gunman finish me off instead of shielding me with his own body."

"I guess he finally made the right choice then," said Brass.

Grissom glanced at Sara's sleeping form. "Yes, he did."

"Hey, I never had to use the power of attorney thing. It wasn't necessary. She had already threatened to kick my ass once last night and I didn't want to push my luck," said Brass. He shuffled his feet a bit before looking eye to eye with Grissom.

"You know that thing I said about being shot sucks? Well, waiting is worse. I'll take a bullet any day," said Brass. "Get some rest, I gave Nicky your message that you wanted to see him. I've got to get back and see what kind of mess Ecklie has done while we've been away. If you need anything, let me know."

He left before Grissom could respond. Grissom knew it was Jim's way of letting him know how worried he had been. He closed his eyes as he tightened his grip on her hand.

Patrick's funeral was set for the next day and she told him she planned to attend. He did not talk her out of it but instead felt it would be good for her. Jesse Carter, her old supervisor, was coming to attend as well.

Grissom did not like the idea of sending her alone so he insisted on seeing Nick that morning after shift. He tapped lightly on the door before entering and frowned when he saw Sara sleeping in the chair.

"Griss, she can't keep doing this," said Nick.

"I agree. I'm going to restrict her from coming."

"Borrowing Brass's famous line, she's going to kick your ass," Nick said.

"Only after I'm out of here. Nick, I need you to do something for me."

"Name it," said Nick.

"I need you to escort Sara to Patrick's funeral this evening," said Grissom.

"She's really going to go?" He asked, "After everything he did to her?"

"She loved him," said Grissom, "She loved him like she loves you."

"Even after…"

"When Sara loves someone, she loves for life."

"We're pretty lucky then aren't we?" Nick said as he watched her sleeping.

"Yes, we are," Grissom said as he grimaced from the pain trying to sit up.

"Get some rest. I think you're going to need it when you have to face her tonight," said Nick. "You want me to stay with her?"

"Yes. I don't think she should be alone."

Nick waved and then left. Grissom closed his eyes and slept.

A few hours later, he woke to find she had left for the funeral. She left a note saying she would be back in a couple of hours for a game of scrabble.

The funeral was somber. The swing shift attended along with the gang to support Sara. She was happy to see Jesse again and they talked in hushed whispers for quite some time at the cemetery. Nick kept his distance giving her privacy but remained close to reassure her she was not alone. Once the funeral was over, Sara headed back to the hospital and found him sleeping.

She sat there until he woke. They discussed the funeral and once he was sure she was okay, he asked her to leave. _But now I know how lost you felt…now I know how empty you felt when I did that…_

"I want you to go home, Sara. When you were here, you sent me home. You made me rest. I was a wreck. You need to take care of yourself. You need to let Nick take you home. I'll place you on the no visitor list if I have to." _I'm worried about you. You've been through enough. You need to rest…_

She stood there quietly and listened to every word and then politely told him he was her husband, the father of her child, the love of her life but she would kick his ass if he ever tried to pull that on her.

He winced at the pain in his shoulder and for a moment the room was silent as he struggled with the pain. The guilt washed over her until she gulped down the tears threatening to spill forth. _Don't let him see how upset you are…don't hurt him…he's been through enough…_

"I won't stay. I just wanted to make sure you're going to be okay. I don't need Nick to baby sit me. I can take care of myself. I know my limitations. I have to think about the baby. I'm certainly not going to do anything stupid."

He sat there and listened to her. "Promise me, you'll have Nick stay over a couple of nights just to make sure you're okay."

She agreed. He was surprised. In fact, she had agreed too quickly which made him worry even more. He was tired. He felt his eye lids closing and he didn't resist. He smiled when he felt the slight kiss on his palm and then her lips against his.

She remained there until she knew he had fallen into a deep sleep and then she quietly got up to leave. She left his favorite book sitting by his bed with the last page marked.

Nick was waiting for her outside the room. He could tell she was visibly upset.

"Sara, he's worried about you. He doesn't want you to stay here all night. Let me take you home, please," he whispered.

"I can drive myself. You'll need your car to go to work tomorrow," she said. It made sense. They agreed to meet later at the townhouse once Nick had picked up some things from his apartment. She gave him a key to let himself in. They left each going their separate way. Sara on the other hand had other plans for you see Sara did not go home.

**Note from author:**

Sorry for the late posting but I am trying to have only fluff for the remainder of the year…tough very tough…. Leave the review….take care! Penny


	132. Chapter 132

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty Two:**

"Jim?"

"Yeah,"

"She's not here. I've been sitting for an hour and she left the same time I did. She's given me the slip," said Nick.

"Well, she's not here at the hospital. I've been here ever since you left," said Brass as he looked around the waiting room.

"Where would she have gone?" asked Nick.

"If she can't be here with him, she would go to the next best thing, the lab."

Nick rolled his eyes. "I should have thought of that. Of course! I bet she went by the lab."

"Hey, call me when you've located her and don't take any lip from her. You have to be firm with her sometimes," said Brass as Lady Heather bore a hole through him.

Nick hung up the phone and headed to the lab. Brass closed the phone and took a seat. He tried to ignore her stare but failed miserably.

"What?"

"You've never been harsh with her," said Heather matter of fact.

"How would you know?"

"The way you look at her," said Heather.

"Oh really? Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

"Jealous of a father's love for a daughter? I think not." They sat there quietly for a moment.

"I wasn't sure I knew how to give my daughter the love she needed. I tried to show her by sending her away to some of the finest boarding schools money could buy. My expression of love was mistaken for abandonment. The distance between us grew until I could no longer reach her."

"I only wanted to protect her from the evil that I saw firsthand. While she was being educated, I never taught her how to be strong, to be tough as nails. I just assumed she was since she was a part of me. It's ironic that the very evil I tried to protect her from found her anyway. She died before I could save her."

"All I have left of Zoe is her daughter. I wouldn't even be a part of her life if it were not for Grissom. I can't imagine why Sara and Grissom would even consider having me around their child after…" she stopped. It was the first real discussion they had shared. It seemed more of a confession. He waited for a punch line but none came.

"I was always working. I never took the time to see that my family needed me. My wife turned to another man. I couldn't blame her. I was too busy chasing after warrants and evidence and higher positions. The next thing I know she's pregnant and it didn't take a rocket scientist to do the math and know that she wasn't mine. I didn't care. I loved her like my own."

"It wasn't her fault. She was just an innocent. Besides, I felt guilty for not being the kind of man my wife needed me to be. I pretended to be the father and she pretended to love me but the fights continued….only this time they were in front of her so I stopped going home. My wife divorced me and my daughter took off one day."

"I think my daughter kind of knew I really wasn't her father but when you have no one else I guess it's better to play along. The only time I see her is when I'm bailing her out of trouble. She came back to Vegas when I was shot…I think she was more concerned about being a beneficiary than a daughter. I never thought they would ever consider me god father material."

The silence resumed for awhile until he felt a slight peck on the cheek and then warm lips brushing against his.

"Funny how the moisture of one's lips can cause a fire to erupt," she whispered. He smiled. Confession was good for the soul sometimes.

Nick cursed as he left the townhouse and drove to the lab. He breathed a little easier when he saw her car parked in Grissom's parking space. He tapped on Grissom's door and opened it gently. He saw her lying on the couch clutching Grissom's jacket sound asleep.

He stepped out for a moment to let Brass know she had been found. He then returned inside to sit in Grissom's chair and leaned back. It was going to be a long night. A few hours later, he woke to find her gone. _Damn!_

He jerked his feet down and began skewering the lab only to find her sitting in the break room filling out paperwork.

"Sara, it's two o' clock in the morning. What are you doing?"

"Grissom's reports are due day after tomorrow so I'm going to finish them."

"Let me take you home," Nick offered.

"Don't," she said. "I'm going to finish these."

Nick stood and looked at her. Brass arrived and motioned for Nick.

"She's not going home, is she?" asked Brass.

"She's pissed. Really pissed," said Nick. "Have you told Grissom?"

"What that we can't handle a pregnant lady?"

Brass walked over, "Sara Jane, get your ass up and come with me. You're going home! Right now!" he demanded.

She began to cry. It was soft at first but then it was big racking sobs.

"What the hell did you do that for?" yelled Nick.

Hodges came running into the break room. "Did Grissom die or something?"

Her sobs were soon replaced with ramblings.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't want to go home…not yet…not without him. I'll just finish this so he doesn't worry. He doesn't need to worry. He seemed to be in a lot of pain. I've never seen him in pain before. Do you think they need to increase his medication? He would tell them if he needed more wouldn't he? He was in pain when I left…I wish he didn't feel any pain… I remember one time I actually told him I wish I was like him and didn't feel anything."

"It was such a hurtful thing to say to him. He feels more than anyone I have ever known. He just never let it show…I'm not sure if I ever told him how sorry I was that I said that…I didn't mean it…I was just mad…he kept telling me I didn't need to get too involved with the cases or else I would burn out."

"He was only trying to protect me…you remember the case Nicky…the woman who was raped and shot in the head and left for dead only she was too tough to die….in the end he sat there while I cried and told him how unfair the whole system was. Here a woman was going to be in a vegetative state for the rest of her life and the juvenile who raped and shot her would be out in forty eight months. He was just trying to protect me…do you think they've checked on him…"

Brass began to cave. "Sara, honey, he can't get better worrying about you. Remember, that's why you sent him away." _I can't believe I made her cry… shit! I hate it when women cry…_

"I never should have sent him away when he needed me the most. I know how he felt now. I know how completely lost he must have felt when I did that. You can't imagine how it feels… He gets cold when he sleeps. He throws the covers off but then I always cover him up when he begins to shiver. How often will they check on him? Do you think I should have told the nurse to put an extra blanket on his bed?" The rambling ended and was replaced with sobs. Catherine appeared in the doorway.

"Oh good lord," said Catherine. "What the hell did you two do to her?"

"Grissom threatened to block her from coming back," said Nick.

"You men! You have no idea what its like to be pregnant, do you?" asked Catherine

"You don't really expect us to answer that do you?" replied Brass.

"Get Grissom on the phone and get her in that room now. They can set up a cot or better yet put him in a private room and let her sleep in the extra bed. Listen, when you're pregnant, you're never comfortable. She won't be able to tell the difference from a hospital bed to her own bed. Now, get him on the phone. She doesn't need to be upset." Catherine yelled.

Nick scurried out to call the hospital. He bypassed Grissom and went straight to security citing that Grissom needed to be placed in a private room immediately. He and Brass then collected Sara and took her to the hospital.

Grissom dozed in and out, stirring every now and then. The first time he woke, he felt himself being moved. _A private room…better._ The pain intensified as he tried to move about in the bed. He felt the presence of a nurse and watched as she inserted something into the IV. _More pain medication…better _The coolness of the pain medication through the IV made his eyes droop again and he let himself be lured back into sleep.

It was a fitful sleep. His muscles ached. His shoulder ached from the surgery and his knees felt their age. The second time he woke to the feel of a heated blanket being tossed across his bed. _I was cold…Better…_ The warmth soothed his aching muscles and he sighed from the relief. He had not noticed she was there with him. Her body lay curled up in the next bed. They slept. Even with the coming and the going of the nurse's staff, they slept.

It was the sunlight streaming through the window that brought him out of his sleep. He wasn't used to seeing daylight when he woke. He opened his eyes to find Sara asleep in the next bed. He smiled. _Much better…_

**Note from author:**

Give the reviews and for those just joining us, welcome! Remember the equation:

Chapter review happy Penny another chapter…take care Penny


	133. Chapter 133

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty Three:**

They fell into a routine of sorts. She would come in right after shift and give him the news about the office. She was reluctant to do this at first but he seemed to rest better knowing that things were being handled. He would then hand her the book and she would read a chapter or two falling asleep in mid sentence.

He would watch her sleep before drifting off himself. She kept her word and did not spend every night there although she seemed to sleep better being near him. He felt the same but didn't dare admit it to her for fear she would never go home.

To say the least, she had been a better patient than he. By the end of the week he was restless and took to getting out of bed. Walking the hallways, he often found himself down on the maternity floor staring at the newborns and wondering which row Sara Belle would reside when she entered the world.

He watched the nurses as they made their rounds each morning. He had been mistaken for a father on more than one occasion. He grinned the first time he ran into Sara standing there in front of the glass window. .

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked.

She turned and was surprised to see him on the floor. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I could ask you the same thing," he said.

"I'm fine…okay. I just was curious and so I decided to see what it looked like," she said as she turned when she heard one of the babies start to cry.

"You think they let them cry very long?" he asked.

"A nurse told me you can request for the baby to stay in your room with you but she didn't recommend it," said Sara.

"Why?" he asked as he came to stand beside her.

"Something about being completely exhausted after delivery and needing your sleep because you're not going to get any for the next eighteen years," she said.

Grissom frowned, "I think they just tell you that to scare first time parents."

"Well, no need. I'm already scared. The more I hear about delivery the more I want to cancel it," she said.

"Unfortunately, I don't think that's possible," he said as he took her hand.

"Still exploring my options," she said.

She walked him back to his room. She started to flip through his chart but he grabbed it.

"I'm getting out of here tomorrow. There's no reason to keep me here any longer," he said matter of fact.

She smiled. She had listened to that same speech for at least four other occasions. With each disappointment, she had cheered him up by playing scrabble with him. It was funny how he had managed to beat her last couple of months and it was only recently that she had begun to win again.

He sat there and sulked knowing that he would be stuck there awhile longer. She grinned as he tried to hide the disappointment.

"Hodges has been asking about you," she said.

"Bet, he's glad there's no one there to look over his shoulder," said Grissom.

"Actually he has a few more scenarios he wants to add to his game but has to test them first. Interested?" she asked.

Grissom smiled.

She found them together the next day. Grissom had the "I skunked him before he knew what hit him" look. Hodges didn't seem to mind. He always seemed to be excited when Grissom took any interest in him.

"He made a new character for the game," said Grissom smiling.

Hodges held up the piece as Sara smirked. It was a figure of Lady Heather dressed in leather.

"Don't show that to Brass. It will just get him sexually frustrated," she said.

Grissom chuckled. Yes, he was feeling better. His wound was healing and he was in less pain. Stamina remained an issue. Even though he tried to put up a front she could tell his full strength had not returned. Brass had assured her this was normal. He admitted it had taken him weeks before he felt himself again.

The physicians recommended a diet and exercise program once he was released. He grimaced at the suggestions but agreed. He would have agreed to anything if it meant he would get to go home.

The day arrived soon enough. She busied herself around him fluffing pillows and reading to him. He had tried to read on his own but just the simple task of holding a book seemed to bother his shoulder after awhile. She didn't mind, she had missed the closeness.

They spent most of their time sitting in bed the first couple of days. She was a bit furious when he began getting up and prowling around the house. He had even made a few futile attempts to study the bee colony although he could not manage to dress himself in the bee suit.

It was then that Sara assigned Greg to monitor the bees. He didn't seem to mind as long as he was spending time with her. The suit was a bit snug for Sara these days and Greg snickered each time she pulled it on or off. He was there to give a hand trying to be mindful of her limitations in motion.

It was a bit odd for Grissom at first to watch her leave for work without him. He spent his days walking Bruno or lounging on the couch reading a couple of journals that had been piling up. His restlessness grew. H e was not used to restrictions. The gun shot wound had turned his entire life on end.

He hated dependency on anything or anyone even if it was Sara. Dependency meant weakness. He wasn't sure if it was a flaw in his own character or just being a man. He chose to think the latter. She was keenly aware of his needs. He tried to hide his pain but she always seemed to know when he needed his medicine or when he just needed to sit down with a book with her at his side.

Once she had returned to work and he was left by himself, the feeling of inadequacy began. It was not in his nature to not work. He had always worked even when he was sick. Sure, he had taken off when he had come down with the flu but he recovered quicker than most.

Now, was different. Now, his body refused to cooperate with some of the simplest of task. He had never thought much about age. It was just a number that had very little to do with his physical abilities but now, his body reminded him that he was not in his thirties or forties. This bothered him.

It bothered him to the point he needed to prove to himself that he was the same man as he was before he felt the bullet enter his shoulder. He was the same man who had risked everything without a glance back in order to be with Sara. He was the same man who chose to wed late in life and begun a family when most men were going through mid life crisis.

_Mid Life crisis…_

He had spent his entire life dealing with the crisis of others. He had been too busy all these years in his career to remember to have a life to crisis over. Now, he had that life but now, he felt old. He stared into the mirror and wondered when the years had suddenly become etched on his face. He wondered if Sara saw them.

Perhaps the injury had suddenly caused him to finally have his own mid life crisis. Whatever the reason for the sudden insecurity, he needed to put his back against something familiar. He needed to work. He needed the normalcy of the routine again. Perhaps it was part of the reason he chose to seek out his doctor behind her back.

He showed up one day without telling her. When news reached her desk that Grissom was in the building she marched to his office demanding he go back home. He had merely smiled and handed her a copy of his doctor release. _Conspiracy! He did this behind my back…If I told the doctor how quickly he tires he would still be at home._

"You're not ready to come back," she said.

"Sara, I'm ready. I know my limitations," he said as he looked at the lack of paperwork on his desk.

"Where are the reports?"

"Done. Catherine and I have been doing them." He smiled. Some things had not changed, he still hated paperwork.

"Good. I'll get to work on reviewing the cases."

He kissed her lightly on the forehead and hurried past her. She stood and watched as he greeted others as he walked down the hallway. Once he was out of view from her, he slowed his pace and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He leaned against the wall and took a deep breath.

_I feel fine._ He didn't feel fine. The truth of the matter, he needed to lie down. He cursed at his body's refusal to keep up with the pace in his brain. He tried to rationalize the physical ailments. He associated it with lying around the house and decided he just needed to build up his strength. He had tried before taking the drastic step of returning to work. He took long walks in the park with Bruno and even jogged a few miles but gave it up when he remembered he had not jogged before the shooting.

_I feel fine. Okay, perhaps a bit sore but I'm fine. I can work. _

He tried to convince himself that work was the best medicine but as the shift continued, he realized he was not prepared physically even it was a light shift. He intentionally remained in the lab checking the status of each case, stopping in to chat with Archie and Hodges followed by a short meeting with Ecklie.

He was just plain worn out by the end of the shift. Although he didn't admit it to her, he had overdone it. His body screamed for rest and his head was pounding from lack of sleep. He had not been able to rid himself of the naps he had built into his recovery routine. Now, he stood there at the door waiting for her to join him. He looked at the parking lot and sighed. He had driven himself that day.

He left his car at the lab, citing his desire to spend time with her but she knew he was exhausted. He didn't protest when she walked to the driver side and drove them home. He didn't even argue when she fixed breakfast.

He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. She noticed he had not even asked for a chapter or two. She sat and watched as he slept worrying that he was just not ready to return to work. It took all she could muster not to follow him around during shift making sure he was okay.

She had secretly gotten reports from the others as to his whereabouts and appearance. With each report, she felt a sense of over protectiveness but she knew that he wasn't ready yet. She let him sleep until an hour before shift. She had been grateful that Ecklie had permitted her to return to her normal shift hours with the others.

It was Grissom who had insisted and in the end Ecklie had agreed. She knew he had only done this so he could watch over her during the last three months of her pregnancy and now she was doing the same to him. She chuckled silently. She watched as he struggled to get out of bed, slowly making his way to the bathroom and then swiftly closing the door.

When he returned, she made him sit and eat while she took care of Bruno. His appetite appeared to be good as he finished the food and then put the dishes away. He knew she was eyeing him from a distance. He couldn't bring himself to be perky. There was no spring in his step today.

He drove them to work while she stared at him. He ignored the looks and focused on the road. Once they arrived, she received a soft peck on the cheek and he was off to his office. Her eyes followed him until he turned the corner and she proceeded to do the same.

Once he reached his office, he shut the door locking it behind him and slumped down in his chair. He remained there for an hour or so before getting up and starting his routine. As the shift progressed so did his stamina. With each day, he grew stronger and tired less.

Slowly he began going out into the field again. He was cautious with the types of cases and he relied heavily on the others for anything strenuous. It seemed they knew that he wasn't quite himself. Though he didn't ask for their help, it was a silent understanding among them. Within a week, he was feeling better and as his stamina improved, he insisted she cut back at work.

"I don't think you should work as much. You're…"

"Too big?" _Here's your shovel…start digging…_

"I was going to say that you're at risk for injury on a crime scene. Remember, you have to think about Sara Belle as well." _Yeah! That's a better tactic!_

"How am I at risk for injury unless you think I'm too big?" _Have shovel… will dig._

"Sara, I only mean that if anything happened and you needed to act quickly; you wouldn't have the same reflex capability as you did three months ago." _Don't hand me the shovel…I'm not digging._

"I'm too big. That's what you're saying. You think I've gotten fat."

"I did not say that. You're pregnant not big or fat." He smiled at his conclusion. The smile didn't last long because as she stood there a different look crossed her face. It was one of surprise followed by pain…excruciating pain. The contraction caught her completely off guard and she grabbed his arm to steady herself. She waited. He waited. When another contraction hit bending her over, a sense of unity emerged.

The words stopped. Neither spoke as they hurried out the door and drove immediately to the emergency room.

**Note from author:**

I hope everyone has a very safe and Happy New Year! You can make mine very happy by leaving the reviews. Take care! Penny

P.S.

There is no anst in the next chapters so I have not broken any promise….


	134. Chapter 134

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty Four:**

He found himself telling her to breathe although she looked at him and wondered if he was saying it for himself. He seemed to have difficulty catching his breath and he tried to pretend they knew what they were doing. The word "clueless" came to mind as he threw the car into park in the "no parking zone" and hurried to her side of the vehicle. He tried to pull her out of the car but she held onto the seat belt.

"Sara, let go."

"I'm not ready."

"We have to get you inside."

"I'm not prepared for this. Let's talk about it."

"Okay, delivery room versus front seat of our car."

She let go of the seat belt and he practically fell trying to catch his balance.

He hurried her in walking slowly beside her but encouraging her to move faster. When they reached the front desk, he quickly pointed out the obvious.

"My wife is pregnant."

"Yes sir. Is she having complications?"

"She's having contractions," he blurted out.

"How far apart?" replied the nurse

He looked at Sara. Sara blinked and thought for a moment.

"I had one or two back to back but I haven't had another one in about thirty minutes."

The nurse looked at them both. "First time?"

They nodded.

"Go home. It was just false labor. Have your OB talk with you about Braxton Hicks contractions."

"We know about them," interjected Grissom. "She's in labor." He looked at Sara for confirmation but received none.

"They've stopped."

The ride home was done in silence. Sara sulked as she tried to pretend she did not have to go to the bathroom again. They had already stopped once and she didn't want to face another public restroom.

"I think we made good time getting there. We now know what to expect. Sara?"

He looked at her when she did not reply.

"It was too soon," he added.

"I know," she said softly.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you need me to stop again?" He didn't wait for a reply but stopped at the nearest fast food place.

It was late when they got home. The argument was long since forgotten. The days drifted by until Grissom felt the need to bring it up again.

"I'm cutting back your hours." He announced, "I also think you need to remain in the lab until you officially go on maternity leave."

She looked at him and smiled. He sat back in his chair and waited for her to say something but she didn't. She turned and walked out of the office. _That went well._

He noticed she did not go home early but then again, he noticed a lot of things as the shift progressed. For instance, she sat and completed the paperwork for the swing shift. She went out into the field with Greg and then assisted Hodges with processing some evidence. At the end of the day, he noticed she was ignoring him. _That's insubordination…hell, what am I going to do write up my wife? I could do that…_

They rode home in silence. He thought she would wait until they arrived home to remind him that he did not dictate what she did or didn't do, she had Sara Belle to do that. He thought she was waiting to pout in private because he had not taken her feelings into consideration when making the demands. He thought she was going to be really angry once they arrived and breakfast was eaten. He thought…she was asleep.

He sat there and stared at her sleeping form. Her hands were protectively wrapped around the large ball sitting in her lap as if she feared it would roll away. He grinned.

He decided to let her have her way. There was nothing else to do. He gently nudged her awake and led her inside guiding her to the couch and asking her to sit while he made breakfast. He served the food on a tray and they sat together and ate. Putting away the dishes, she was already heading to the bedroom

He didn't mind when she plopped herself on the bed and took more than her share of the covers. He grabbed the extra pillow and placed it between her knees to help support Sara Belle. She was asleep before he could make his way to his side of the bed. He fished his hand over and chuckled when there was no movement. Both of the women in his life were asleep. He pulled out his book and began to read.

A few days later, it seemed like dejavu all over again. The contractions came with a vengeance and once again they found themselves driving to the ER only to be turned away because the contractions stopped. It was then that Sara became mad.

She refused to leave but rather plopped herself down in a waiting room chair and announced she would just stay there until Sara Belle decided to make her appearance into the world. When she didn't budge, he found himself sitting beside her, hand in hand. They sat there until the hunger pains came and she reluctantly followed him to the car.

They didn't discuss the false alarm again nor did he try to convince her it was her body telling her to slow down. However, later Sara would have that very discussion from someone else.

It happened so quickly that no one had time to react. One minute she was chatting with the guys and the next she was on the floor. She could hear Nick yelling to call 911 and then there was someone holding her hand, no taking her pulse.

_Of course I'm breathing you knit wits! Why would you think anything else? _Then therewas that familiar voice. It was calling._ Shit! Just when I was about to take a nap, somebody needs something. _

_Hey, why do the sheets feel different? They feel like.. Like carpet. Now that's odd. There's that voice again. I don't want to wake up. Can't anyone see I'm pregnant and I need my sleep? Wait, that's Grissom. I feel him holding my hand. I feel his kiss on my palm. I can't wake up. Why can't I wake up? What's happened? _

Sara's eyes fluttered open as she tried to focus but the glaring florescent light was too bright. Grissom leaned over shutting out the glare and she kept her eyes open.

"Sara, can you hear me?"

"Of course I can hear you. You're right here beside me," said Sara. She wondered why she was on the floor and they were crouched over her. Her eyes closed again. She then heard another voice followed by someone taking her pulse. _Hello! I'm still breathing here. _

Then she felt herself being lifted. Her head lulled to rest against something warm. _Grissom. I would know that chest anywhere. It's Grissom. I must have fallen asleep on the floor and he's taking me to bed. What was I doing on the floor?_ _Wait he's not supposed to be lifting me!_

Sara felt her body being placed on a couch and then a cool cloth was placed on her head. _That feel's nice. Now, just let me sleep. Why did you put me on the couch, Gil? Take me to bed. His voice is back. Persistent! Leave me alone! Wait a minute that's Grissom again. He's worried. I can hear it in his voice. _

Sara opened her eyes to find them staring at her. "What's wrong?" she asked as she looked at Grissom and then the others.

"Sara you passed out in the lab. You just about gave Hodges a heart attack. Not to mention me," said Grissom as he ran his hand through his hair.

Doc Robbins patted her on the knee, "You're blood pressure spiked. I think you're fine but hubby would feel better if you go down to the emergency room and…"

"Oh no, I'm not going. I am not in labor and I feel fine…okay. I change the word to okay meaning I am really." She said as she tried to get up.

"Don't even try it!" yelled Grissom.

Doc Robbins slapped Grissom on the arm, "Want to up the blood pressure again, keep the tone up."

Grissom closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. _Hell, my blood pressure should be through the roof. _

He felt someone taking his pulse and he pulled away. "Oh no!" said Sara. "All's fair. Let's compare blood pressures right now, shall we?"

"Sara, my blood pressure would be fine…okay…if you would let us take you to the E.R"

She slowly sat up," Look I've been out in the field for the last six hours and I missed a meal. I just need to eat something. Can someone find my shoes for me?" she asked.

"Sara, you're wearing them," said Greg.

"Oh, well it's just they're so comfortable, I can't feel them. Lord knows I only see them if they are off my feet and away from my body and not directly under me," said Sara.

Nick and Warrick chuckled. She continued to try to scoot off the couch but couldn't. She was stuck. She looked at him pleadingly. He leaned over and helped her to her feet.

She convinced him she only needed food and once fed she returned to work. He took her personally to her doctor appointment the next day and she gritted her teeth as he described in full detail the events of the previous day. She sulked when she was told she was officially on maternity leave. She sulked even more when she was told her movements should be restricted to the house.

Grissom was relieved. The doctor did what he had been trying to do for the last month. Sara needed to stay at home and rest. _No more worrying what's happening while she's out in the field. No more worrying what's happening to her while I'm in the field and she's working in the lab….blessed rest._ Some things just don't turn out the way they are planned.

**Note from author:**

Okay, you know the birth would not happen that quickly although I read ahead and it does occur just a few chapters from now. So…knowing the blessed event is soon here, I wanted to go ahead and release another chapter. I will be very busy tomorrow as well as this week so the chapters are set to be released as soon as the reviews come in. Have a very Happy New year!


	135. Chapter 135

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty Five:**

It happened over night. It wasn't even subtle. She had gotten bigger. He caught himself staring at her plump roundness completely amazed that she was even able to maintain any sense of balance.

Analogies failed to compare to the sheer size of her abdomen. Greg had been bold one night to insinuate it looked as though she had swallowed a basketball. His remark had gotten him a smack to the back of the head followed by several minutes of uncontrollable weeping.

The weeping had caused him to receive another smack to the head by Nick who threatened to throttle him if he so much as gave Sara any kind of hint that she was fat. The word "fat" had floored Sara who immediately rolled and struggled before whistling for Bruno to assist in her rescue from the couch.

Once she was on her feet, she waddled her way to the front door and left. Grissom stood by the door waiting for her to return which she did once she reached the pavement and realized she was barefoot. Of course, she had not seen her feet in a couple of months and sometimes she just forgot about them. They were usually swollen anyway.

It was one of these moments when he loved her the most. He knew that she felt helpless and wanted it to be over with soon. He would kiss her tenderly and tell her how beautiful she was but she would not believe it any more, particularly since the subject of sex had been removed from their normal activities by her physician.

It had been too much. She had sat there in silence the entire time listening to the physician rattle off more and more restrictions and yet she did not say a single word. He saw the defeat in her eyes and a sense of helplessness washed over him. She was sad. His Sara was sad.

It was then he sought out advice. He knocked on her door and waited for her to respond and was surprised when Brass opened the door for him.

They sputtered a few words here and there, each looking a bit more embarrassed than necessary.

"I would ask you what the hell you are doing here but then you would ask the same of me," said Brass.

"I need to talk with Heather," he had said as he noticed the wrinkling of Brass's clothes.

"She's a bit indisposed at the moment but if you wait in the sitting room, I'm sure I can find her," he said as he motioned for Grissom to enter.

Grissom watched as Brass scurried up the stairs and disappeared for a moment. Lady Heather descended soon. She was dressed casually. It was not often that she wore any practical clothing and the sight of her in sweats made him gawk.

"I wasn't expecting guests," she said as she folded her arms in front of her body. _If I'm guest then what is Brass? Don't go there…need to remind him about the sports car comment he made to me a couple of years ago._

"I need your opinion," said Grissom. They sat and Grissom told Lady Heather of the OB's restrictions as they drank tea.

"She feels used right now, doesn't she?" asked Heather.

"I supposed she does. She's not used to restrictions. Sara has always done whatever she wanted and now she can't …we can't…" His face blushed and she smiled.

"Why don't you court your wife?" she said as she sipped the tea.

"Court?"

"Yes. A woman likes to feel desirable. A nice romantic dinner, a stroll in the park, a candle light picnic to gaze at the stars…you could be romantic if you tried," she said.

He grinned. It was a brilliant idea. He had not even thought of such a thing. He jumped to his feet and headed for the door but then quickly turned and grabbed Heather kissing her before running out the door.

Brass stood at the top of the stairs with gaping jaw. _I missed something. No wait, I forgot something…I need to kick his ass._

Heather smiled as she watched Brass walk down the stairs.

"It's very nice of you to play with my grand daughter. I think however, you've gotten a bit untidy as a result." She said as she smoothed out a wrinkle in his shirt.

He grabbed her then and kissed her before releasing her. "Needed the practice for my goddaughter." He turned as he started to leave, "You know, this means nothing to me."

"Me neither," she purred as she watched him leave.

He stood outside her door and closed his eyes. _Sexually frustrated…sexually frustrated…_

She was surprised when he phoned home and told her to get dressed. She looked at herself in the full length mirror and was relieved to know that her shoes were on her feet. The cotton maternity dress was now feeling a bit snug. It seemed that just the other day it was loose fitting. She sighed.

She tried to walk as she normally did but she knew she waddled. There was no other word to describe the motion of her hips. She had never been really curvy but she could sway. She also knew that she had caught his attention with that sway. He had even admitted it one day. Life just wasn't the same.

The sway was now a waddle and it was just another reminder that her body was no longer hers. Nothing was the same. She no longer found it easy to fit in the crook of his neck anymore. The protruding tummy seemed to get in the way and when she tried to maneuver herself, the muscles would revolt and she would have to readjust her body to something more comfortable than romantic. Life just wasn't the same.

Showers were done alone. Not that he had wanted to give them up but she rather insisted. She found herself hiding her body more often when he was present. He would chastise her but she just didn't feel attractive. She felt rather big…no huge came to mind each time she stared into the mirror. She knew she took up more than her share of the bed and Bruno had given up any hope of fitting between them now. Life just wasn't the same.

Oh, he still told her she was beautiful but the words seemed to bother her rather than lift her spirits. She had felt useful when she was working. Now, she sat around and waited for her body to tell her that her job was now complete. It was the analogy of the oven that made him hurt for her.

"I always hated that expression, 'bun in the oven' when it was used to describe a pregnancy," she said softly one night. "I never really thought about it until now but it's really true. You become an incubator. The pregnancy takes over everything until there is nothing left of the person you once were."

He had felt completely helpless that night. He felt her sadness. He had felt it for some time. It was then he sought help from Lady Heather. Now, he was determined to put her suggestions into action.

When he arrived, she was sitting in the rocker. He leaned over and kissed her gently pulling her from the seat.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Where are we going?"

"On a date," he said simply.

She kept her feet firmly on the floor. "Are you sure? I'm supposed to stay here?" she asked.

"When have you ever kept to the rules?" he asked.

"It's my job," she said quietly. Her words made him more determined.

"Nothing strenuous. No different than if we stayed at home," he said as he pulled her out of the room.

She sat silently as they drove away from the townhouse. She was surprised it was a short drive. She looked around. They were parked in front of a casino hotel.

"You brought me to gamble?" she asked.

"Don't you remember?" he asked. She looked around again. When she didn't reply he sighed.

"It was as if it were just yesterday. I was standing here while Nick threw dummies off the top of the hotel. I heard a voice behind me and I didn't even have to turn around to know that it was you. It was music to my ears. I was afraid that you would change your mind and not come."

She smiled. "I was surprised you called me. It had been such a long time since we had exchanged emails."

"I thought you had found someone else to replace me," he said as he took her hand and kissed it.

"I stopped when…you know why I stopped," she said as she stared at the parking lot.

He opened the car door and looked at her. "You don't think I just brought you here to gaze at the parking lot did you?"

She smiled and got out. They walked hand in hand as he led her through the hotel. She grinned when she noticed he pulled out the key to the hotel suite.

He led her into the room closing the door behind them.

"The security offered the room to us for the night. It seems Catherine has some old friends in the casino business. She's also covering for me tonight," he said as he led her to the window. The view was beautiful.

"I took the liberty to call room service and our dinner will be delivered in an hour. I thought we could take advantage of the suite's huge Jacuzzi."

He saw her smile fade. "A warm bath will not harm Sara Belle. We don't have to turn on the Jacuzzi part."

She still felt a bit awkward but didn't protest. He prepared the bath within minutes and he helped her undress, kissing her gently with each piece of clothing removed.

He got in first guiding her gently to sit in front of him. He wrapped his arms around her and he smiled when he felt her body relax.

"I have a few confessions to make," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have started back to work when I did. I pushed myself. I just felt useless being at home. I've always let my work define who I am and when I couldn't work, it really bothered me. I was afraid you would see just how much my age makes a difference."

She tried to look up at him but he held her tight.

"You know I've always thought I was too old for you. I thought you would be happier with someone closer to your age. You have no idea how happy you made me when you became my wife. I didn't think I could ever be happier than that moment."

He kissed her tenderly on the lips. "I was wrong." He caressed her abdomen while planting kisses down the side of her neck.

"I'm going to miss this," he said.

"Miss what?" she replied.

"Miss having my wife pregnant. I never thought I would get the chance. Sara, I'm not a young man. Most men my age have grandchildren. I just never thought I would find someone who would want to have a child with me. I mean I was content just having you for my wife but Sara Belle just makes it better."

"In a month or so, these last three months will be a memory. We'll be able to tell Sara Belle all about the pregnancy adventure we had. I know I will look back on it and remember how beautiful you looked each and every day. Nothing is more beautiful than a woman with child. It's the ultimate gift from God. I think we are very blessed, Sara. I know I am."

She sat there silently for a moment before turning to face him.

"I have a confession," she whispered. "I've been feeling very selfish these days. I haven't felt very desirable or pretty. I haven't enjoyed being pregnant these last few weeks. I miss my old body. I miss not being in control. I've missed making love to you. I know this sounds awful but I've even wished I were no longer pregnant." He saw her sniffle as he wiped away a tear.

"Sara, I think most women feel the way you do in the last trimester. I remember Catherine felt awful. Her feet were swollen and she had just as much trouble getting around as you do. She wanted to go on early maternity leave but Eddie's financial failures kept her working until Lindsey was born. The unit tried to help her get through it as easily as possible. I'm just glad it's you rather than me. Man kind would have been extinct a long time ago if childbirth were up to men."

She grinned over the last statement. They enjoyed the soak until the knock on the door. Grissom donned on a robe and had dinner set up by the time she made her way into the living room area. They sat and ate by candlelight. The rest of the evening was spent looking out over the city lights.

There was a session or two each comforting the other when weaknesses were revealed. It made him feel better seeing the genuine smile stretch across her face knowing that it had appeared on its own and was not forced. It was not necessary to ask her if she was happy, he no longer felt the sadness.

A few days passed and she received a bouquet of flowers. They weren't just any ordinary bouquet but rather a bouquet of some of the rarest flowers known. She placed the flowers in a vase and spent the afternoon reading up on each type. By the time she finished, he was home.

They spent the next couple of hours discussing the many varieties and he smiled when he saw the spark in her eye as she told him everything she had learned about the flowers. He sat there and smiled refusing to admit he already knew. He was just happy for the sparkle and the glint that seemed to return.

He continued with the courtship. He enjoyed leaving notes or cards around the house. One morning, he had Nick come by to ask her for a walk in the park. While they were away, he hid notes around the house. She spent the entire day looking for the clues and then emailing them one by one to him in order to receive a clue to the whereabouts of the next note. By the end of the shift she had located the last one and was waiting for him at the door. He smiled when she stood there excited about the final clue.

"You said I would get the last clue when you came home," she said.

"Did I?" he teased as he sat his things down in a chair and grinned as she searched him for the last clue. She smiled when she pulled out a sealed envelope. He tried to grab it back but she held it away from him.

"Finder's keepers," she said. She started to open it but he cocked his eyebrow up.

"You really want to do that?" he questioned. She stared at him as she ripped open the envelope and pulled out the note. She looked at him baffled.

"The paper is blank," she said. Grissom shrugged.

"I thought something was written on it. I guess not," he watched as she quickly took the note over to the counter. She disappeared for a moment and then returned with some blush. He looked at her baffled.

"Works as good as fingerprint ink," she said.

She dusted the note and smiled.

"It says 'surprise,'" she announced.

The door to the back deck opened suddenly as the others yelled "surprise." She laughed when she realized they had been waiting for her to figure out the final clue to begin the baby shower.

"Happy baby shower!" announced Catherine who carried in the cake.

"Why do they call it a baby shower when the baby isn't even here yet?" asked Greg.

"It's a woman thing. They want to clean everything," replied Brass.

Nick and Warrick brought in the food as Wendy and Hodges carried in the refreshments. Sara stood and watched as the townhouse suddenly filled with the team along with some of the office staff.

"Wow, I'm amazed Ecklie let all of you off at the same time," said Sara.

"Actually we are supposed to be working on field tests," said Grissom. The others just snickered.

"What are field tests?" asked Sara.

"Everyone must complete an hour or so in the field," said Hodges.

The gifts were stacked on the desk. The rocking chair was removed from the baby's room for Sara to sit in while she opened the gifts. One by one she opened each gift laughing as she looked at the various outfits and toys.

"I love the lady bug outfit and matching plush toy," said Sara. She smiled when she noticed it came from Greg.

The miniature lab coat and vest with Sara Belle's name on it brought lots of chuckles. Sara grinned when she saw that it came from Hodges.

Catherine had purchased a beautiful gown with matching blanket. Nick and Warrick had purchased a stroller. Brass blushed when Sara opened his gift. He had purchased several dresses with matching shoes and accessories.

"These are beautiful, Jim," she said as she leaned over and kissed him.

Lady Heather had purchased a beautiful bassinet with white lace. Ecklie had even sent a gift. Sara opened the gift and was surprised to see a top of the line car seat. They sat and ate cake. Greg insisted Sara eat a slice.

"Greggo, you haven't mentioned the baby pools lately," said Sara.

"That's because you're still pregnant and until Sara Belle makes her appearance then I guess it's anybody's game," he said with a smile.

Nick and Warrick snickered.

"Not sure you want to know what the odds are anyway, Sara," said Warrick.

Grissom glared at the three and the subject was dropped.

Sara grinned. She wasn't sure what just happened but she knew that Greg would probably regret the baby pools he began.

She took his hand and held it as the others continued to chat about this and that. She yawned and placed her head on his shoulder. It had been a good baby shower even if this was the first one she had ever attended.

**Note from author:**

Hope everyone is having a wonderful start to their New Year. Here's the latest installment. Leave the reviews! Take Care! Penny


	136. Chapter 136

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty Six:**

It had been this way for the last week. She called it being beached. He liked to refer to it as God's way of making her stay put in one place long enough for his blood pressure to go down. She had been tidying up the house. Nothing was safe not even man or beast.

He thought that having her home would ease his worries but they had taken on a different dimension. She couldn't stop cleaning. She cleaned the oven twice last week and the fridge was not allowed to have anything with an expiration date within a week.

He found himself hiding out these days avoiding the strangeness of it all. He often found himself in the back yard with Bruno sitting by his side. The dog seemed nervous peering over his haunches as if looking for his not so favorite master. He took pity on the dog as he watched him whimper when the sound of her voice filled the air. He licked his jaws and then glanced at Grissom. With tail tucked between his legs he obeyed and ran to her.

_Poor smuck doesn't know what's in store for him but yet he still obeys. She's probably going to give him another bath. _

Grissom shook his head. Bruno had endured a lot these past few days. She had clipped his nails, washed him thoroughly and brushed him until not a single hair could possibly shed from his body and yet she was calling the dog now.

_Glad it's not me! Glad she can focus on him rather than me._

He hung his head when he heard his name being called and he wondered if there would ever be an end to it. He checked his shoes and knew that the bottoms were clean along with his clothing.

_She's not giving me a bath. I draw the line. I'm not going to sit there and be scrubbed like some…._

"Yes dear, I'm coming."

And he did. He followed that voice just like the dog without regard to the horrors that awaited him.

Of course, Bruno had become very useful to Sara these days. He had become a rescuer of sorts. He was quite handy indeed. She would merely call him over and then hold on to his collar while he pulled her to her feet. She was able to maneuver about more freely now and he wondered if it wouldn't be a good idea to persuade the dog to run away for awhile. He then remembered what it had been like before she gotten the idea to use Bruno.

The first time she got stuck, he had been at the lab when a call came through that she needed him. He had sat down in his chair hyperventilating. He was able to rasp out "it's too soon," to the others who were in the process of calling 911 for Grissom when she called back to tell him it was not life threatening unless she could possibly drown from being stranded in the bath tub. Greg had offered to come and help her out. In the end, the tub was placed off limits to Sara unless Grissom was there. Of course there were some things that not even Bruno could rescue her from. He chuckled when he recalled the bee suit.

He had no idea what possessed her to get into the contraption but once she had, she could not wriggle out of it. It had taken her several attempts to call him on the phone and even when she was successful, he had been out in the field. Her pride was tossed aside by the fact that she knew she would have to go to the bathroom soon and she asked for one of the guys.

Nick chuckled the moment he saw her. After reviewing the outfit and several tugs here and there, he came to the conclusion he would have to cut her out. Within minutes she was free and racing to the bathroom as the suit lay in shreds with Nick's laughter following her into the house.

She begged him not to say anything but pictures spoken louder than words. Greg hung precariously over the privacy fence snapping the Polaroid pictures. Grissom found them the next shift hanging on the bulletin board in the lab. He took his pulse as he stood there and wondered what she might be doing at that moment.

Somehow she had gotten the idea to use Bruno for leverage and their relationship took on a different dimension. Even Bruno had his limits and the bath tub had become one. After being subjected to the many baths, he no longer came near the bathroom. Just the sheer sound of running water made him cower and hide. Of course, Grissom was not left out of the tortures.

There were the sessions. He would drag himself home ready for a bite to eat and then sleep only to have her sitting there waiting for him to tell her the news of the lab followed by the many mind boggling philosophical discussions that poured from her mouth.

He found the only way to silence the discussions were long sensual kisses which led to long cold showers. Sara on the other hand seemed to disregard the kisses once his lips left hers and she found herself returning to the discussion as if her brain were merely placed on pause.

He searched the book for some kind of relief from the madness but when he found none he happily tossed the book in the trash and vowed to never open it again. The next day he would find it lying on top of her poetry book and he once again would open its pages and begin again.

He continued to court his wife. They went for walks in the park bringing along a picnic lunch. He would place her on the blanket and chuckle when she tried to get up. It was a peaceful time for him. He always brought along the digital camera snapping pictures here and there creating a scrapbook in his mind of these moments. He knew that it would all be over soon but he too seemed to find himself wishing the end was near.

_The end_

He hated those words. They rang of something final. Looking back over the past year, he had come to avoid the words.

_To be continued_

Those were words to live by. To continually strive for something new and better but then he looked at Sara and he knew she wished it was over soon. Perhaps, the better words for the moment

_Happily ever after_

While no one could be happy every waking moment, he felt their days were filled more with happiness than before. He tried to visualize where they would be this time next year. He imagined a dark haired little baby with chubby cheeks sitting on the blanket with Sara. A baby's laugh made them turn and looked around. They watched as a couple sat and played with a small little boy nearby. Their eyes met and they smiled.

_Our Sara Belle_

He sat down and pulled her up against him as they watched the couple play with the child taking their own private notes of what parenthood held for them. They had been avoiding the end but now it was time to face it head on.

"Sara, I think we need to take a Lamaze class or something."

She quickly grabbed his wrist.

"What are you doing?" he asked a bit annoyed.

"I'm checking your pulse. I thought we had agreed we wouldn't do anything like that," she said.

"We've never discussed it," he said.

"Exactly. You've been reading that book ever since we found out I was pregnant and not once have you've mentioned Lamaze classes. I know how to breathe and push."

He was silent for a moment. "We need to be prepared for this. The classes would help me prepare for this."

He scheduled the class without further discussion. She didn't seem to mind since she never dreamed he would go through with it. If she had mentioned to the others that they were even considering attending a Lamaze class there would be a flurry of bets that would far exceed any numbers being tossed around in any casino in Vegas.

They stood outside the Lamaze class watching as the other couples filed in one by one. They were obviously the oldest which did not help with their nervousness. He had all but dragged Sara to the class. Even on the drive, she had begged him to take her home citing it was a waste of time since it was only natural that she knew how to force air in and out of her lungs.

She handed him her wrists advising him that there would be no pulse if she did not know how to breathe. She chuckled but he didn't seem to be amused by the joke. Of course, everyone assumed that it was not their first and assumed further that it had just been a "mistake" late in life.

As soon as the words came from the instructor's mouth, Sara glared at the woman. Grissom chuckled as the instructor spent the next several moments trying to apologize.

They sat there with pillow and mat as instructed in the brochure and Grissom sternly warned Sara to take the class seriously. They were not prepared for the sudden pulling down of the video screen and then the killing of the lights followed by the up close and in your face delivery scene.

Grissom's jaw could not seem to stay in place while Sara struggled to get up. He was unaware of her attempts as he sat there and stared as the woman screamed through the contractions followed by the close up shot of the head crowning. He had worked countless crime scenes but never in his life had he witnessed the brutal torture this woman was experiencing voluntarily.

He quietly came to the conclusion that after childbirth it was only natural for all women to become dominatrix by nature.

He watched in horror as the physician tugged and pulled the small body from the small opening causing further screams from the woman. He further noticed how the husband stood there and continued to tell her to breathe in and out. _What the hell else is she going to do? This is barbaric! Couldn't they come up with another way to deliver a baby in the 21__st__ century? This was not natural this was cruel and inhuman treatment. Sara will never let me touch her again…Sara???_

She was crawling now, ignoring the protests of the other couple as she accidentally bumped some here and there as she made her way out of the room. He suddenly jumped up and tried to help her to her knees but she slapped his hands away determined to make it to the door on her own.

She reached the door handle and pulled herself up. She flung open the door and waddled down the hall with Grissom running after her while he tried to roll up the mat and keep the pillow from dragging the floor. He finally caught up with her half way down the hall.

"Sara!"

"We didn't discuss this! We have no idea what we've gotten ourselves into…wait I should say I have no idea what I have gotten myself into because I never saw the spouse in there screaming his head off."

"It's going to be okay. I'm sure that's not the way it really is. I think they were just showing us the worse scenario. Sara, we have to go back. We have to be prepared for this," he kissed the palm of her hand and then practically pulled her back into the room.

The lights were on now and the others were getting situated on their mats for the breathing lessons. The instructor half smiled as the two returned to their spots on the floor.

"I'm so glad everyone enjoyed this wonderful example of a typical delivery."

Sara shot "this is all your fault" glare at Grissom. He was relieved when the instructor started on the breathing techniques. They watched as the instructor went through the steps. Grissom looked at Sara who crossed her arms in defiance. He groaned when it came time for the couples to practice the different techniques.

"Sara, you have to try," he begged.

"I know how to breathe what I don't know is how she's ever going to fit from that opening."

He almost smirked. The couple next to them chuckled as they heard the reply.

"Sara, you have to try."

Grissom groaned again when he saw the instructor approaching. She stood and watched as Sara refused to participate.

"Mrs. Grishum…don't you want to learn how to breathe?"

"I know how to breathe," said Sara matter of fact.

"Well, why don't you show us?" said the instructor in a not so friendly tone.

"Have you ever had a fire engine red mustang on top of you?" asked Sara.

"Well uh no."

"I have. That's when I learned how to breathe and push. I learned quickly. You see while I breathed to force the air deep into my lungs, the car was filling with water. I then had to push the damn vehicle off my arm or I would drown. I learned to hold my breath a very long time before exhaling. You can't imagine the excruciating pain I endured as my arm snapped in two places."

The woman seemed to be struggling with a reply but she was finally able to whisper, "Why did you take the class?"

"My husband wants to be prepared. The very person whose job it will be to tell me to breathe and push." She started to get up finishing her tirade as she struggled.

"You probably haven't even had a baby. It you had you wouldn't have shown that film. We as women know exactly what is going to happen to our bodies. Our bodies have been preparing for it since conception. You know what else?"

"It's going to hurt like hell and we'll probably curse at our husbands but in the end we'll be thankful for enduring the pain since the end result is sweeter than anything imaginable. Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going home and making a list of things my husband is going to do for every hour that I'm in delivery."

He found himself helping her up and he grinned. He didn't even care if she was planning a list of tortures for him because she was right. The end result would be worth it.

**Note from author:**

Thanks for your continued support and reviews. Continue to leave those reviews as I continue to post. Some asked where I got my ideas for Sara's pregnancy and I can say she had a much easier time of it than I did particularly with my last one! LOL To have her pregnancy mirror my last one exactly would have made it too unreal even for fanfiction. LOL

Take care!

Penny


	137. Chapter 137

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty Seven:**

_Rain _

He was beginning to hate rain. He tried to focus on the road while hitting the speed dial button on his phone for the hundredth time. He cursed when there was no answer. It had been like this for the last two hours.

_Something's wrong. She always answers the phone. Where is she? She wouldn't be sleeping now. Why doesn't she answer? _

He scowled when he had to stop for another red light. He had managed to hit every light on the way home. On the third light, he had considered flashing his lights and going through it but he knew he wouldn't want to explain his way out of a ticket if she was merely sleeping heavily and had not heard the last fifty calls. His pulse quickened.

_She would hear the phone. Something is wrong. Even if she is a sound sleeper, her body is conditioned to hear the ringing of a phone._

In the last nine years, he had always been able to rely on her picking up the phone even on her day off. The others were not that way. Yes, Sara could sleep through a hurricane but she would answer a ringing phone.

He felt the Denali shake as the winds picked up. He floored it when the light changed to green and he continued on his way.

His pulse seemed to speed up as he pulled into the driveway. He was already fishing for the house key. Opening the door, he found himself yelling for her.

He stopped and waited for a response. There was none. His heart began to race even faster. Bruno came running from the kitchen. He barked uncontrollably whining between barks.

It was there that he found her. The phone was lying nearby. He was there instantly checking her pulse and told his brain to slow his pulse when he found hers. He pulled out a dishcloth soaking it and then placed it on her forehead. _No response._

He found himself checking for life from Sara Belle. _No response…wait…a kick…_

He picked up the phone and tried to dial 911 but the circuits were busy. He then pulled out his cell phone and dialed. He was relieved when he heard the emergency operator.

He rattled off the details giving them a time frame to work with. He continued to take her pulse and he knew that it was too rapid. He checked her pupils followed by any sign of injury since he wasn't sure if she had sustained any. He still wasn't sure if she had fallen or just passed out. He did the calculations in his head and he knew that it would be faster to drive her than to wait for an ambulance. By her condition, he didn't want to wait.

_What if she stops breathing while I'm driving? What if she goes into labor while I'm driving? What if…_

As his mind fought through the what ifs he was told to wait for the ambulance. He was told to keep her still and warm. He was told to check her vitals every few minutes and to make sure her airway was free of any obstructions. He was told to leave the door unlocked for the paramedics. He was told to remain calm. He was told to do all of these things but first he prayed.

He continued to place the dishcloth on her forehead and when she moaned, he began calling her name over and over.

She was slowly coming to when the paramedics arrived. They quickly began taking her vitals and hooking up monitors. He stood and watched as they assessed her condition.

He rattled off the answers to questions before he was asked. "She has no known allergies, she's thirty five weeks pregnant, been on early maternity leave for the past few weeks due to problems with blood pressure…she's been feeling fine. Blood pressure was fine this evening. I checked it right before I left for work. She felt a little nausea this evening. She didn't tell me but she didn't have any appetite. The only time she doesn't eat is if she is nauseous."

The paramedic checked her blood pressure and immediately began barking out code words to the other paramedic followed by a discussion on the radio to dispatch. Grissom was having difficulty deciphering what it all meant. He started to ask when the paramedics immediately began preparing her for transport.

"Sir, you're wife's blood pressure is at a dangerous level, we're going to transport her immediately and try to bring it down while en route to the hospital. Call ahead and have your OB on stand by."

He was surprised when they let him ride in the ambulance, perhaps it was because of his ID badge still displayed on his jacket. Whatever the reason, he was grateful. He held her hand forcibly trying to will her to open her eyes. They remained closed the entire trip causing his own pulse to soar. He was surprised when he felt fingers on his own wrist and tried to pull away but the paramedic refused to relinquish his hold.

"Mr. Grissom. You need to sit still for a moment. I just want to check your vitals."

"I'm fine," he countered.

"No, you're not. You're breathing is forced and your skin is flushed. How's your blood pressure these days?"

Grissom didn't reply.

"You take blood pressure medicine?"

"No." He had been lucky to avoid the stuff even after the shooting when his blood pressure caused him to be held a few more days despite his protests.

"You're going to need that checked again at the hospital when we get there. If it's still elevated they can give you something for it. I would strongly advise you to follow up with your own physician."

He started to refuse but then nodded. Once they arrived, there was a flurry of medical personnel on stand by waiting at the emergency door. One minute he was in the ambulance and the next he was being pulled into a room and made to sit on a gurney while he watched as Sara was taken to one another room. He tried to follow but the same paramedic held on to his arm.

"They won't let you go back there. They'll tell you something as soon as they can."

An on call physician came in and examined Grissom, checking his vitals and then getting some information from the paramedic who whispered softly to the physician.

"Mr. Grissom, I'm Dr. Alexander. We're a bit concerned over your blood pressure. We would like to run some tests…"

"My wife is here due to pregnancy complications. I'm not going to have any tests run…"

"Would you agree to let us monitor you for a few more minutes and then give you something if we feel you would benefit from the medication?"

Grissom stared at the hallway. The doctor glanced back.

"Mr. Grissom, they will tell you something as soon as they know. Will you let us monitor you?"

He nodded reluctantly.

He was made to sit for thirty minutes and then his vitals were taken again followed by a nurse dispensing some pills in a cup. She handed Grissom another cup filled with water. He swallowed the pills; signed some papers and then he found himself where he had been before.

He stood there in the waiting room refusing to count the tiles like he had done once before. He told himself, it was just another false alarm but this time he knew it was different. This time Sara was not by his side. He had called the others and now he stood there staring at the tiles. He refused to count. He refused to sit.

If he sat, he would be resigning himself to waiting countless hours and he had no intention of doing that. No, he was going to stand there for another minute and then he was going to go in search of her. He hated the waiting room. He had been there too many times.

The faces of Brass, Greg and Nick crossed his mind as he glanced around the room. He had been there fore each of them. None of those times bothered him as much as the times he was there for Sara. His worst memories of the place always came back to Sara.

There was the near death when she had been found in the desert. He had all but gone insane waiting to see her back then. He had almost lost her then. He had almost lost himself.

Then there was the ectopic pregnancy that had almost cost them each other. He remembered how devastated she had been that day when they discovered the pregnancy had to be terminated. Nothing could hurt so much…

He continued to stand waiting for someone to come and tell him something but no one came. He stood there with clenched fists and silently prayed that everything was going to be fine. It had to be fine. He felt the hand on his shoulder and turned to find Nick there. Grissom's expression told him everything he needed to know. They stood there and waited together as the others slowly arrived one by one.

It was the doctor who slowly approached them that made Grissom sit down in the chair behind him. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear what the man had to say. He took a deep ragged breath and prepared himself.

His actions caused the others to suddenly hush and stare intently at the approaching doctor. They too had a feeling of foreboding. When the doctor stood before them, no one could say a word.

"Are you Mr. Lee?" asked the doctor.

Grissom stared in disbelief. He shook his head slowly and watched as the doctor continued in his search for a man whom would soon receive bad news. Grissom leaned back and closed his eyes. He wiped the sweat from his brow and tried to slow his heart rate. When he opened his eyes another doctor stood before him and once again he felt his heart racing at the possibilities.

"Mr. Grissom?"

"Yes"

"Your wife is resting comfortably. She's in full labor. We're concerned about her blood pressure. She's complaining of headache and there seems to be a bit of nausea. We're monitoring her blood pressure right now. The baby has not turned and we don't want to wait any longer. We would like your permission to prep your wife for a c section. I can take you back if you're ready?"

He sat there numb. He tried to focus on the words but was still having difficulty remembering past, "resting comfortably."

"What does this mean? Are you telling me that Sara and the baby are at risk if I don't agree to a c section rather than natural childbirth?"

"If your wife has preeclamsia, her health could deteriorate rather quickly along with the baby's and we might lose them both. A c section is the best plan in this situation."

It was not what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear that she was cursing him already. He wanted to hear that she was threatening him with bodily harm for getting her pregnant. He was not prepared for the news.

Nick pulled him to his feet and shoved him toward the doctor. He felt his feet moving but he remained in a state of shock. He saw her then with those wide brown eyes watching the baby monitor. He took his place and silently said a prayer of thanks that he was not Mr. Lee. Sara and the baby were fine at the moment.

He knew that she was frightened as her eyes remained locked on the monitor. He slowly pulled her eyes away from it making her turn away.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"She hasn't turned," she said as she tried to look over her shoulder at the monitor.

"They're going to give you a c section," he said softly gripping her hand tightly when he saw the fear flash across her face.

He suddenly began to quote Shakespeare and she smiled. She closed her eyes and listened to his voice as he watched the monitor indicate she was having a contraction. Her grip was firmer but the smile remained on her face.

He held her tight as they gave her the epidural. She held her body ridged and did not flinch when they inserted the needle. He continued to whisper softly in her ear as they motioned that he could release her. She settled back into the bed.

She felt the medicine begin to surge through her body as she felt the last bit of contraction. He glanced at her when her grip was not as firm. He whispered softly to her but she did not respond. He watched as the blood pressure soared and then the machines started to alarm.

He was already pressing the nurse's button when a flurry of nurse's rushed in and began packing the equipment for removal. They pushed him aside and he stood there as they ran down the hallway pushing the bed to the nearest operating room. A nurse returned and grabbed his arm leading him along.

A nurse fitted Grissom with the same operating garb as the nurses and doctors wore. He was permitted to stand nearby. It had happened so quickly his mind was having difficulty connecting the sequence of events in his brain. With each action made by the surgeon he glanced at Sara hoping to see some reaction from her.

The surgeon quickly made the initial cut and Grissom's mind began to compare it to one of the many autopsies he had witnessed Doc Robbins perform only this time it was personal. It was Sara. _She's not dead. She's breathing…she's having our baby…I would rather have her screaming now…not like this…not like…_

He was thankful for the blood pressure medicine as he felt a bit light headed.

_I've never witnessed an autopsy with a live cadaver…this isn't an autopsy…stop thinking that…she's having a c section. She's breathing…she's just unconscious…she won't even remember this…we didn't think it would be like this…I expected to have her yell at me…I expected her to…._

He felt a bit apprehensive from the sight of her internal organs being shoved about but then he felt himself being pulled closer now as the anesthesiologist motioned for him to talk to Sara.

"She's waking up. You need to talk with her. You need to let her know what's happening. Keep her calm," warned the anesthesiologist in a whisper.

"Sara, can you hear me?"

"Are they doing the c section now? I must have dozed off," she said.

Grissom smiled. "They're just about to let us see Sara Belle," _Talk with me Sara. I'm scared…I need to hear your voice…I need to know your alright.._

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't look well. Are you okay?"

"I've been waiting for you to scream at me. You haven't used a single colorful metaphor or threatened me with bodily harm. You haven't even mentioned the torture list."

"Would you feel better if I did all those things?"

He smiled. "Just hearing your voice is enough."

The baby was now lifted and suddenly a slight cry came forth. Brown eyes remained fixed on blue as they listened to the quiet cries.

They immediately turned and watched as she was handed over to another physician who kept her from their view. The anesthesiologist saw their distress and leaned over.

"He's just making sure the airways are clear and that the baby is fine. Once his preliminary exam is done, he'll bring the baby over here for you to meet."

They wrapped the baby in a warm blanket and brought the baby for them to see. They stood and stared at the little face looking back at them.

"Congratulations, it's a girl."

The pediatrician gently opened the blanket as Sara and Grissom stared at the small bundle.

"Grissom?" he ignored the last name usage.

"Yeah Mrs. Grissom?"

"I haven't forgotten about the list."

They handed the baby to Grissom as he held it with shaking arms. He smiled down at Sara. Father met daughter as daughter met father. Sara smiled.

He was being ushered out of the room now by a nurse and was told he could carry the baby to the nursery. He hesitated for a moment not wanting to leave Sara.

"She's fine. We just need to close here and then she'll be in recovery for a little while. Take the baby to meet its new family before it needs to go to the nursery."

He hesitated again but Sara insisted he go. He leaned down and kissed her letting her see Sara Belle up close again before leaving. He turned around and already her eyes were closed. The anesthesiologist smiled reassuring him she was fine as he walked out.

He walked slowly and gently whispered to her. He smiled as he saw the others huddled together. His smile spoke volumes as the others began to cheer. Catherine quickly hushed them telling them they would wake the baby.

"She's already awake. I think she's been expecting me to give her a few lines of Shakespeare before I have to give her to the nurse."

He brought her around so they could see her face and the others smiled. It was quite an angelic face with bright eyes that stared intently at the man holding her.

"I think she knows her daddy already," said Catherine as she swiped at a tear.

"Why Catherine, I didn't think you ever cried," said Greg.

He stepped away in fear of a smack but not on this day, they were too busy staring at the small little bundle.

Grissom glanced at Heather and Brass. "I expect you will have your hands full with this one. She's had everyone hopping back there for the past hour." He walked over to Brass and without asking placed the baby is his hands. Brass held her firmly turning her to face him.

"It's always the cute ones that you have to watch," he said as he smiled at the baby.

Brass looked at Heather, "I supposed you need to hold her?"

Heather shook her head and stepped away, "That's okay." He thrust the baby in her arms before she could protest anymore. She took the baby and smiled down.

"A little bit of leather here and there and you'll be perfect."

The others suddenly got very quiet. She glanced at them and smiled, "Just kidding."

Grissom chuckled.

She slowly handed the baby back to Grissom and he walked down the hall heading to the nursery. They could hear him quietly quoting Shakespeare as he kissed her gently on the forehead.

"I better tag along and make sure he lets them take her. I have a feeling he's not going to want to give her up now that he has her in his arms," said Catherine as she hurried down the hall.

"Well, I'm up for celebrating. I think we better wait awhile to see Sara. Anyone up for the diner?" asked Warrick.

"I'm in" said Nick.

"Me too," said Greg.

"That sounds good," said Brass.

"Heather?" asked Warrick.

It was the first time she had been included into the circle and she was surprised by the invitation.

"If you come, I'll tell you nothing but embarrassing stories about each of these fellas," said Brass.

She agreed as they headed for the door.

Catherine stood and watched as Grissom sat in the nursery rocking Sara Belle. The nurse arrived and took the baby. Catherine snickered as she saw the disappointment in Grissom's eyes as he reluctantly gave her up.

He stood and watched as they took the baby away.

"They are going to give her a bath," he said to Catherine never taking his eyes from the room where they disappeared.

"How's Sara?" asked Catherine.

"Sara? Sara!"

Grissom was rushing now down the hall and practically slid into the doorway. He grinned when he saw her asleep. Catherine followed.

"Did she have a rough time?" whispered Catherine.

"Blood pressure spiked again. I think I aged ten years when the alarms went off and they came rushing into the room. I've never been so scared in my life…"

It wasn't true. He had felt that way when Sara had been found in the desert and they feared they had not gotten to her in time.

"Glad she's sleeping now. You need to let her sleep. Both of you had better get some sleep cause when Sara Belle figures out she has the two of you wrapped around her little finger then neither of you is going to get any rest."

She left leaving Grissom to sit beside Sara. He took her hand into his and held her palm to his cheek. It was a strange emotion that came over him. He had been so relieved to hear Sara Belle's first cry. He was ecstatic when Sara had regained consciousness and they were able to watch as Belle entered the world together.

But now he cried. It was silent tears that streamed down his face. He had taken a chance all those years ago and now he had Sara and their child. It was more than he had ever dreamed. He felt her fingers caress his face and he looked to see her staring at him.

"Belle?"

"She's getting her first bath. They'll bring her in soon," he whispered. He watched as the tears slowly drifted down her face.

"She's more beautiful than I ever dreamed," she said softly.

He kissed her tenderly on the lips and gently brushed her tears away.

"It's over," he said.

"I think it's just the beginning," she said.

"Yes, I think you're right," he said.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"You think they'll let me keep her in my room?" she asked.

He smiled. "Let then try and stop us."

**Note from author:**

It's my son's third birthday today! I just couldn't resist letting baby Grissom be born on this date. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Not too much angst…lots of fluff…I didn't even gag on it…give me the reviews…another chapter to follow….

Take care!

Penny


	138. Chapter 138

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty Eight:**

He wanted to send her back to the nursery even though she proved to be a good baby only waking from time to time trying to adjust to her new environment. Sara was turning out to be a fast learner. She learned the art of swaddling quickly tucking in the blanket to make Sara Belle feel snug and secure.

She had even been able to nurse her immediately which brought several pats on the back from the nurses. She was proving to be a natural at this. With each accomplishment, Grissom felt the urge to send Sara Belle back to the nursery. It plagued his every thought. _Don't let her stay in the room…send her to the nursery…the nurses can monitor her closely…can monitor them both closely…_

It was her silent weeping that alarmed him. He watched intently each time he caught her swiping at her eyes or sniffling. He wanted it to stop. Although he could not bring himself to confront her, he did mention it to the nurses and her physician as well as the others when they came to visit. They called it the baby blues. He knew it by another name.

He was told to be patient. He was told that some women got a bit emotional after birth and by the end of the hospital stay, they were fine. When he voiced his concerns again, he was told he was overreacting. It was suggested that he take a break and get a bit of fresh air but he refused to listen.

He had been listening too much. He needed someone to listen to Sara. He needed someone to pay close attention like he was doing. When no one paid his concerns any attention, he listened to his nightmares and he remembered Sherron.

When she seemed a bit apprehensive about the baby's well being, he quickly called the nurses. She seemed a bit upset about his reaction and had hoped that he understood she was only voicing her fears out loud and had not asked nor needed the help.

She worried about the room temperature, the umbilical cord, the lack of breast milk even though the nurse told her that Belle would be fine until her body was ready to produce milk. She worried about the drugs in her system from the c section stating she had not researched the affects on a newborn. The nurses assured her Sara Belle was fine.

She worried about the nurse that seemed to have a slight cold and she covered the baby's face each time the woman popped in to check vitals. She made sure that everyone use hand sanitizer although she was reluctant to let anyone hold the baby for any length of time.

By the end of the first day, Sara felt a bit overwhelmed. Belle was a bit fussy from the lack of milk and so she was given a bottle as an additive. Sara had felt like a failure but the nurses merely patted her on the arm and assured her that this was all normal. All babies experienced this. Belle was just small since she was born early and needed a little supplement.

Neither of them slept much the first night. The IV's were becoming a nuisance to Sara and she begged on several occasions to have them removed. Without Grissom, the baby would have to return to the nursery. It was the rules. She understood. With the IVs she was not able to safely care for Sara Belle. With the c section she wasn't even permitted to lift her from the bassinet. The restrictions frustrated her. He took note of the frustration in her voice.

Sara insisted on keeping the bassinet within reach. She slept on her side and slowly drifted off to sleep within minutes. Grissom sat and watched them both until he too could no longer put off sleep. He was awakened by Belle's cries. He jerked up out of the recliner to find Sara leaning over the bassinet holding a blanket in her hand.

He quickly grabbed at it startling Sara. Belle continued to wail. She tried to pick her up but the IVs prevented her.

"She's soaked. The diaper must have leaked and she's wet. I tried to change her without waking you. I can't do anything with these IVs," she sniffled. "Please Gil, pick her up. She's cold and she seems frightened."

Immediately he walked picking up the wailing Belle cuddling her up against him while speaking softly into her ear. Sara reached underneath the bassinet and pulled out another outfit and diaper and with his assistance she was soon warm and dry.

He gently laid her back in the bassinet and then helped Sara back into bed. He checked her IVs and then pulled up the covers.

"I felt completely helpless," she sniffled.

She looked up to see his face set firmly with conviction. She tried to read his expression but had never seen this expression before. Her stare was interrupted by Belle's whimpers and she suddenly felt warm fluid running down her gown. She stared at her breasts.

"I think my milk just arrived," she said.

"Let me call a nurse and we'll get you into another gown. They need to change the IV anyway," he said.

Sara was already reaching for Belle whose whimpers were more insistent now.

"Gil, with each whimper, I seem to leak more. Please let me see if I can feed her now." He reached down and placed the baby in her arms and immediately Belle latched on. Sara smiled. She leaned back and closed her eyes as she continued to suckle softly.

"Better?" he asked.

"Much," she replied. Once she was fed, Grissom took her from Sara and gently patted her back bringing forth a loud burp. They laughed at the enormity of the sound from something so small. It was the first light moment between in hours. He slowly rocked the baby back and forth in his arms smiling as he watched her drift off to sleep. He glanced over at Sara who was already asleep.

By morning the questions returned along with some added doubts followed by more tears. She stared at the baby intently and told the nurse she felt the baby looked different. The nurse told her the baby's pigmentation would change from day to day. Still, Sara seemed a bit obsessed.

When the nurses told her stories of how their mothers had assisted them when they went home, he had acted without thought. He didn't remember when he did it but he must have. He just remembered her tears. No one else had her contact information and now she sat in the waiting room. He met her as the others stood and watched as the mother in law waited impatiently to see her new granddaughter.

He knew he should have talked with Sara first but felt that perhaps having her present would help with the situation. It didn't.

Laura Sidle rocked the baby as Brass and Heather stood watching.

"Can't believe he called her without telling Sara," said Brass.

"Why shouldn't she be here? She's the grandmother," said Heather.

"He should have asked Sara," said Brass. "Those two haven't been on the best of terms and it's only recent that they've had contact with one another."

They watched as the nurse took the baby from Laura.

"I'm sorry but the mother has asked for the baby," said the nurse.

"I'll carry her back to the room," said Grissom as he took the baby in his arms. Laura followed Grissom as he carried the baby to the room. The guys were sitting around the room as Catherine sat on the edge of the bed. They smiled when they saw Grissom with Sara Belle in his arms.

"Grissom, do you ever let anyone else hold that baby?" asked Catherine.

She got up and quickly took her into her arms and smiled down at her.

Sara's smile faded as she saw Laura standing in the doorway. She quickly glanced at Grissom.

"In all of the excitement, I forgot to tell you I called Laura about the baby. She flew in this morning," he said as he watched the two women stare at one another.

"She's a beautiful baby, Sara," said Laura as she came and stood beside Catherine to look at the baby.

Sara was quiet. She looked at Grissom but didn't give any indication if she was upset but merely stretched out her arms to take Belle.

Catherine handed her over and smiled as she snuggled immediately up to Sara. She glanced at the guys who immediately began saying their goodbyes and headed out the door.

Without hesitation, Sara placed the baby to her breast to nurse running her fingers through the tiny curls on the baby's head. She breathed in the fresh scent of her and she felt the tears beginning to spring forth. She didn't care that anyone noticed the tears. They were well deserved tears.

She leaned down and kissed her gently on the head ignoring the droplets that fell softly down her cheeks. She no longer swiped at them having given up hiding them from the world. She sighed as she took in the sweet scent of Belle. It was intoxicating.

She had worked so very hard to get to this point. She had waited years for Grissom to accept her into his life, struggling with their inner demons as well as Natalie and Patrick. Every choice and every decision had led up to this moment.

All of the pain seemed so trivial to what now lay at her breast. At this moment she would have gladly welcomed every painful hour for a single moment with Sara Belle. From the moment she had laid eyes on her she had fallen in love with her.

She had counted her fingers and toes and knew absolutely every mark on the baby's delicate body. If she stared long enough, she imagined she could identify the tiny fingerprints without the use of any lab equipment. Belle was hers and now every inch of her was imprinted on her brain.

She was a mother deeply in love with her child. The other women saw the fierce protective glint in her eye and knew that caution would have to be taken if there was any hope of holding Sara Belle. With the protective streak came the feeling of helplessness when the child was taken from her.

The mothers in the room knew that feeling. It was what hurt the most when giving birth. Here a small gift had been given and now suddenly you didn't trust anyone with your gift not even your loved ones. Sara was taking her role very seriously.

He watched as the tears poured down her face and he felt himself struggling to breathe. He glanced around at the others in the room hoping they would see what he had seen from the beginning. He searched for validation.

His muscles grew taunt as he watched her composure dissolve right here in front of the others. Sara would never cry in front of others. She hated to show any weakness and crying was a weakness to Sara. _If they won't do anything, then I will._

**Note from author:**

I'm posting two chapters so be nice and leave two reviews. Take care! Penny


	139. Chapter 139

**Chapter One Hundred Thirty Nine:**

She saw the expression on his face and it baffled her. His expression was now forgotten on her as she focused on the baby. Once she was finished she plopped the baby up on her shoulder gently patting the baby on her back and smiled when she heard the light burp.

She swaddled the baby tucking in all of the corners and held her firmly in the nook of her arm watching as she drifted off to sleep.

"You just did that as if you've been doing it for years," announced Catherine. "I failed miserably for the first couple of days until I figured out what I was doing."

Laura patted her daughter's knee, "Much better than I ever did and I had already been a mother when you came along."

Catherine watched as Sara slowly moved her leg away from Laura's reach. It was subtle but Catherine picked up on the body language immediately.

"Laura, you must be tired, why don't we get one of the guys drive you to wherever you're going to be staying?" offered Catherine.

Grissom and Sara glanced at one another.

"She's going to be staying with us," said Grissom. "It's been a long day and I think Sara and the baby need some time to rest."

Catherine didn't wait for a reply from Laura but took her by the arm and led her to the door. They called out their goodbyes and shut the door behind them.

"You should have told me," said Sara.

"Yes, I should have. I'm sorry but I felt she needed to be here."

He came and sat at the edge of the bed and stared at the sleeping baby tucked securely in Sara's arms.

"I'm worried about you," he blurted out. She ignored the statement. He had said it so many times in the last three months she had become immune to them.

"You're probably right. She should be here but I wasn't prepared to share her with anyone just yet."

"Sara?"

She looked at him and again she saw the same expression as she had earlier.

"Gil, what is it?"

He started to speak but then stopped. He looked at her and then at Belle.

"Nothing. Why don't I take her back to the nursery now so you can sleep," he offered as he reached for the baby.

She kept her arms around her. "I'm not tired. I thought we had decided to keep her in the room? I would feel much better if she stayed here in the room with me."

His jaw twitched. _I don't. You're still weeping. You have all the signs of post partum depression and I don't think she should stay…I don't …trust you…with her…_

"You need to sleep," he insisted and took the baby even though she protested.

"I'll sit right over here and rock her. When she goes to sleep, I'll put her down in the bassinet," he said.

She crossed her arms in defiance but then she felt a yawn slip from her mouth and so she curled up on her side trying to will herself to stay awake to watch them together. She felt her eyelids closing and she drifted off to sleep immediately.

Grissom sighed as he stared down into the baby's face. He hated feeling the way he did but he wasn't about to let anyone hurt Belle not even if it was Sara. Once the baby fell asleep, he gently placed the baby in the bassinet. He then took the baby back to the nursery requesting a conference with Sara's physician.

He refused to listen to the physician citing that it was better to err on side of safety rather than place the baby or Sara at risk. He insisted the baby remain in the nursery unless someone was present with Sara at all times. Once the physician called the nursery with the instructions, he felt a load lifted from his shoulders. He knew there would have to be some adjustments made with his schedule but he would try to ensure his presence as long as they remained in the hospital.

He stood and smiled at the small baby sleeping in the bassinet. He ran his fingers through the curly dark hair and he grinned when she made soft suckling noises. He grasped her little hand and gently bent down to kiss the tiny palm and marveled at how the little hand fit perfectly around one of his fingers. _She has Sara's hands_

He waited to ensure she was asleep before walking down the hall to call the office. He had not realized how long he had been on the phone until he heard the commotion coming from the nursery. He turned to see Sara with IV pole demanding to see Belle.

Her voice grew louder with each word spoken. The anxiety present for all to witness. He no longer needed validation now. Her actions had confirmed his actions. He would protect Belle at all costs. He prayed the costs would not be too high.

"What is she doing here? I told you I wanted to keep her in my room! Bring her back," she demanded.

"Sara, Belle is not going anywhere with you unless you calm down!"

The harshness of his voice caught himself off guard. The hurt in her eyes made him regret his actions and he quickly embraced her while he led her back to the room.

He pulled the covers back helping her back into the bed. He noticed she winced when she laid back. He checked the IVs and tried to untangle the cords but she jerked her arm back causing one of the IVs to become dislodged.

"Stop it Sara!" The harshness was back and she recoiled from his touch. She hadn't meant to do it but she had never been so angry with him before. She suddenly saw the look on his face and it mirrored the previous expression.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," she whispered. He gently inserted the IV. She resisted flinching when she felt the needle twist under her skin. He knew she was in pain. He had read her body language so many times in the last nine months to know when she felt pain.

"Are you in much pain?" he asked. Her silence now angered him. _Of course you're in pain…_The silence continued as well as the tears.

"Sara, I told them to keep Belle in the nursery until this stops." He pointed to the tears. He watched for her reaction. He was surprised when she didn't seem to even try to stop the flow but instead let them drop one by one onto her gown.

"They told me this will only last a few days." He waited for something, anything but he only received silence as a response. He watched drop after drop. He wanted them to stop. He needed them to stop. Belle needed them to stop. They continued. Drop after drop.

His frustration increased. He tried to wipe the tears away for her only to be blocked by her hand. He grabbed the hand and tried to kiss it only to have it yanked away as the IV pole teetered from the force of the yank. They each flinched at the redness forming around the needle puncture.

"I'll do whatever it takes to help you get through this," he said softly. He received no response.

"Sara?"

"She's mine. I've waited all my life for her and not even her father, the only man I've ever loved is going to keep me from her."

"She's ours," he corrected softly.

"I want Belle, now!" she demanded. When she saw he was determined to keep Belle from her she began to plead.

"Please, don't do this. Please don't keep her from me…" she was sobbing now. She knew that he could this. She just never dreamed he would. He sat there and felt every inch of his heart breaking by the sounds of her pleas. Any comfort was refused.

He waited until she quieted and then said the one word that he felt would explain his actions. "Sherron."

She stopped. The sobs were gone but her tears continued to flow as she stared at him intently.

"I'm not Sherron!"

He braced himself for the fists that he knew would be plummeted to his chest. He deserved it. He felt quite cruel doing what he did but yet he would not budge. He would do anything to protect Belle…anything.

"Don't punish me for something she did!"

He then rattled off every incident from the moment of birth citing what he had read and stopped to watch her reaction. He knew that once it was all laid out in intricate detail the CSI in her would see his validation. Her tears continued. The silence returned. The only difference in her demeanor was that she closed her eyes. _She counting…she's trying to calm herself down because now she knows I'm right… we're going to work through this…_

She felt her palm being kissed. She felt his hand on her cheek. She felt him placing his cheek next to hers and whispering he would love her with his last breath. She felt his eyes upon her as she remained silent with eyes closed tight.

"Sara?"

"From the moment I looked at her beautiful face, I knew she would have me in tears. The only person that has ever had that affect on me until her was you. When I laid eyes on her in the delivery room she was looking at me through your eyes. She has your eyes, Grissom."

"I don't think the tears will ever stop. I've never loved anything or anyone as deeply as I love Belle. I never dreamed I would feel this…I can't explain it…I hold her and she smells of wildflowers…I know its crazy but that's what I smell when I place her up close to me. How can you look into her face and not find yourself in awe. She's a part of me and you…us….she's all the choices that we've made in the last two years or nine years or whatever timeline you choose to use. I think I love her more than you if that's possible."

She folded her arms in defiance and stared at him intently.

"Don't you think for a moment I'm going to let you keep her from me! I'll call Brass. He'll kick your ass when he finds out what you did. I would never harm a single hair on her head and I'll kill the first person that even tries. She's mine!"

He thought to correct her again but the sheer anger in her voice made him reconsider.

"I was afraid. I thought you were depressed…you were so…"

"I'm not depressed, Grissom. I've never been happier in my life… until you took her from me! Now, I'm depressed and pissed!" she yelled

"You know, you've broken several rules today…"

"Get her back in here now!" she demanded.

He leaned down and kissed her fully on the lips and swiped at his own tears before heading to the door.

"Gil?"

He stopped.

"I'm adding to the list. For every minute I have to wait for her, I'm adding to the list."

He grinned. "I deserve it."

She didn't tell him about the staples she thought she had pulled out in getting to the nursery. It would wait. She leaned back and closed her eyes. _He loves her as much as I do. He wouldn't have overreacted if he didn't._ _He was willing to protect her even from me. He's a good father._

She smiled when she felt her being placed in her arms. She breathed in the scent and she slowly exhaled. "This is breathing," she sighed.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Belle comes first. She always comes first. I'm glad you were willing to protect her even if you felt you had to protect her from me. You did the right thing. Don't ever forget that."

He smiled. He leaned back in the recliner and was asleep within minutes.

**Note from author:**

Leave the reviews! Take care! Penny


	140. Chapter 140

**Chapter One Hundred Forty:**

He was angry. He wasn't sure whether it was the phone call or the fact that he had very little sleep the last couple of nights but he seemed out of sorts. He stood in the trace lab and watched as Hodges and Archie argued over the evidence.

"It didn't happen on my watch," said Hodges.

"I can't imagine any of our guys had anything to do with it," said Archie.

He stood there looking at the two. When they saw him with jaw clenched and arms folded, the discussion was forgotten.

"Grissom, we could have handled this without you," said Hodges.

"Yeah, like we have our theories as to how the evidence disappeared," said Archie as he glanced at Hodges.

"Yeah, our theories," Hodges said.

"I'm going to need an incident report on everyone who had the evidence in their possession. Evidence doesn't just get up and walk away, especially evidence from a high profile case. Write up the report and have it on my desk ASAP. I don't want a back log of cases because you two dragged your feet."

He stalked out heading down to his office. Once he opened the door, he felt like shutting it. _Paperwork_

He shrugged his shoulders and sifted through the pile. It was the first time he had stepped foot in the office since Sara was admitted and the paperwork was already several inches high. He sighed.

He hadn't even looked at their mail at home. He felt as though he had been gone for such a long time when in fact only a few days had passed. Home was not much different. He had been home briefly to shower and change clothes. Laura had taken over the care of Bruno as well as checking on their mail.

He put the stack in order of priority and then fished through the assignments. It had been quiet for the last three nights and he was relieved. He glanced up when he saw Catherine standing in the doorway.

"What are you doing here?"

"It wasn't my idea. It seems some evidence has disappeared."

"Couldn't Ecklie have handled this?" she asked.

"It's the Johnson case," he said.

"You've got to be kidding me? We've been working for months on that case. What's missing?" asked Catherine.

"The blood analysis linking Johnson to the murders."

"We don't have a case without that evidence!" yelled Catherine. Grissom motioned for her to close the door.

"Which is why we have to locate it before the defense team finds out. Once word gets out that we no longer have it, the judge is not going to have any choice but to drop the murder charges."

"Does Hodges have any idea what happened?"

"No, they're still going through the sign out procedure log to see if they can locate the evidence. Perhaps someone took it by mistake," said Grissom.

"You don't believe that for a second. Someone's been paid off. Someone's tampering with evidence."

"I don't want to accuse any of our guys until a thorough investigation has been done. If the evidence doesn't turn up there's going to be an internal investigation."

"None of us had anything to do with it," said Catherine folding her arms.

"Each one of us handled that evidence in the last six months, including Sara," said Grissom.

"Are you going to tell her?"

"No, I'm not. Look, we just found out this morning. Hopefully it can be located without incident. No need to even discuss it with her. She worked really hard on that case trying to prove Johnson killed those two women and now he may walk."

"You'll have to if it doesn't show up. Anyone who handled the evidence will have to be interrogated by internal affairs."

"Sara's been on maternity leave for months. I hope I can keep her out of this."

"I can't imagine it's been gone for months. One of us would have noticed it before now."

Grissom was silent. He knew that Ecklie was going to be livid about the disappearance. He also knew that if the court case was suddenly moved up on the docket then it would confirm the suspicion that there was someone within the department helping Johnson. He hoped he was wrong.

Defense attorneys would have a hay day filing appeals. Every piece of evidence handled by the snitch would be inadmissible. Grissom knew that any guilty verdict could be set aside and the case would have to be retried or worse dropped if additional evidence could not substantiate the findings.

His head was already hurting from the mere thought of the chaos that might erupt within the lab. One thing was certain if the evidence could not be located and the scandal was brought to light, the department stood the risk of losing its highest prestige, its ranking of second in the nation. The department would have someone's head.

"On a lighter note, how are Sara and the baby?"

"Sara should be feeding Belle right about now. She said she would call me with an update if they're going to release them."

"How are you?" she asked as she slid into a chair closing the door behind her.

"Tired," he said as he continued to mull through the stack of papers.

"Really, how are you?" she said again this time with emphasis.

He glanced at her and knew she was worried.

"Sara told you?" he asked.

"Not in much detail only that some list got longer but you're a good father."

The statement made him smile.

"Is it hard being there with Belle knowing you didn't get the chance with…" Grissom quickly interrupted her.

"No, it's not. It's hard being here and not there with Belle. I didn't get the chance with…" he stopped and pretended something had caught his eye but Catherine knew he was avoiding the name.

"Gil, you can say his name," she said as she watched him struggle with the fact that he had been caught emotionally red handed.

He looked at her and half smiled.

"When I held Belle for the first time, I thought of what it would have been like to hold David. I don't even know where she got the name for him," he said leaning back in his chair.

"Her father's name was David. I sent the possessions to them. Although they couldn't have been close if they never claimed the bodies." She remembered how Grissom had taken care of the funeral arrangements as well as the burial. As she watched him, she could tell the conversation was bothering him.

"You know, you never told me how you came up with the name 'Sara Belle'. Sara was obvious but where did 'Belle' come from?"

"It was my mother's maiden name… even the spelling."

"I didn't know you were into geneology," said Catherine.

"My grandfather never had a male heir. My mother was going to name her daughter 'belle' but I ended up as an only child."

"It was nice of you to do that," smiled Catherine. He was silent.

"Still bothers you, doesn't it?"

"It's getting better. Sara's helped a lot."

"Look, you don't have to worry about Sara. She would never do anything to hurt Belle. I had my doubts when you guys told me she was pregnant but Sara's a great mom. She's a natural much better than I ever was. I don't know the history between her and Laura but Sara doesn't seem comfortable around her. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when she brings Belle home. She's going to be very possessive of Belle and is not going to want her mother butting in."

"I'm not sure Laura would do that but I'll have a talk with her. She's going to need help for a little while since she's not supposed to be lifting much. It seems she's already torn out the staples once."

"I can pitch in. I can come by before shift. To be honest with you, I don't trust Laura."

"She's not given me any reason not to trust her," said Grissom.

"You mean you think it was alright what she did to Sara? Sara's father could have killed her with one of his tirades."

"How do you know about that?"

"Sara confided in me when you were in the hospital. I offered to call her mother but she didn't want her here."

Grissom suddenly felt as if he had made a mistake with contacting Laura.

"Has Sara said anything about now?"

"No but I got the impression she wasn't thrilled to see her."

"She's been emailing her regularly. I just thought she needed a mother."

"Email is one thing but up close and in your face is another. You were thinking with your heart. Gee, I can't believe I just said that about Gil Grissom." Catherine smirked as Grissom frowned.

"Whatever she's done in the past, I know she wasn't willing to risk Sara's health during the pregnancy by telling her what really happened the day her father was killed. She made Sara come home before she told her. I'm grateful for that. Sara took it really hard."

"Do you trust Laura with Belle?"

"No. I don't trust anyone with Belle." He said it without hesitation. His bluntness caught himself by surprise.

Catherine smiled. "Try not to worry. I know it's hard at first learning to trust others with your baby. I hated leaving Lindsey with even my mother or sister."

He returned the smile._ I'll always worry. I'll always be afraid of what's lurking about waiting to hurt her. I've seen too much in my job not to worry. Sara picked the right god parents. Heather would horse whip the first person to hurt Belle and Brass knows where to get an untraceable gun on the streets…_

The ringing of his phone startled him. He smiled at Catherine. "It seems someone gets to fly the coop today…"

"Grissom"

"Sara? What's wrong? What did they say? Is she okay now? What did her pediatrician say? Don't worry, I'll be there soon."

"Gil, what's wrong?"

"Belle's not feeling well. She wouldn't nurse. She's been coughing up mucus and got strangled. Sara had to call for help when she began turning blue. It took two nurses to get it dislodged. The nurses also believe Belle may be jaundiced."

"Jaundice is common for a newborn at thirty five weeks. The mucus thing is something I hadn't heard of but I'm sure there is a logical explanation for it. You need to stay calm for Sara."

"The choking incident rattled Sara. She told the nurses to keep Belle in the nursery where she could be monitored closely."

"It must have really scared Sara to let Belle go back to the nursery after her battle with you to keep her in the room."

Grissom gawked at Catherine.

"Okay, so she told me a few more things. Women talk particularly mothers."

He stood pulling on his jacket. "Listen, Catherine, make sure the report gets turned in and get it to Ecklie as soon as possible. Let me know if there is a problem."

She grabbed the paperwork out of his hand, "I'll take care of this. Let us know immediately about Belle."

She watched as he hurried out the door.

**Note from author:**

Leave the reviews. Yes, angst angst angst is slowly creeping in. I will gently throw it in there amid the fluff. Thanks and take care! Penny


	141. Chapter 141

**Chapter One Hundred Forty One:**

The room was empty when he arrived. He immediately went to the nursery and saw her sitting by the bassinet. She appeared tired and worn out with IV pole used now as a prop. She leaned on the pole as she grasped Belle's hand. Their eyes met and he could tell she was feeling a bit frazzled.

"Any news?"

"Her pediatrician confirmed she's jaundiced. Normally they would wait to see if the liver will kick in and start to function properly but Belle's bilirubin levels are too high. She has to stay under this special light so she can receive phototherapy."

She saw the worried look in his eyes. "I'm told this happens a lot to newborns. She's going to be okay. It just means we won't be able to hold her as much."

"What about the breathing part?"

"The excess mucus occurs sometimes as a result of a c section. I'm told it will be gone soon."

They stood and watched as Belle lay under the special light kicking her legs and throwing her arms about. Sara felt the urge to swaddle her but knew that she mustn't. She knew the same thoughts were going through his mind.

"We can't swaddle her while she's getting the treatments. She needs to be exposed directly under the light," said Sara. She glanced at him as he watched Belle begin to cry seeing the same reaction that had been with her the last few hours.

His feet shuffled as the cries intensified. "Can't we hold her?" he asked.

"No. We can hold her hand or talk softly to her but she has to stay under the light."

He watched as Belle continued to kick and flail her little arms about. Grissom looked at Sara as she held the baby's hand while stroking her cheek. She continued to fuss.

"Let me try," he said. He took Belle's hand kissing the tiny palm and then began to speak softly to her. Sara sat and watched. Belle continued to whimper as he tried to console her. Slowly her crying slowed and she turned in the direction of his voice. He smiled at her and continued to talk softly to her. Sara smiled knowing that he was able to give Belle comfort.

"Good thing you used my lecture tapes. It seems my voice is coming in handy," he said.

They took turns holding Belle's hand and giving her as much comfort as they could while she lay there under the lights. The treatment consisted of twelve hours of light exposure at which time the levels were checked.

Belle wailed when her tiny heel was pricked and a sample of blood taken to measure the bilirubin levels. After each prick, Sara would hold her close softly talking to her and kissing her. She wiped at the baby's tears as Grissom wiped at Sara's.

"She now has a hurt cry," she sniffled. "It's different from the 'I'm wet' or 'I'm lonely' or 'I'm hungry,'"

He listened. _She's right. The cry is different._

"Her heel is already turning blue and green," sniffled Sara.

"I'll hold her next time. She shouldn't associate the pain only with you," he offered.

"No, she seems to respond better with you. As long as one of us can comfort her then it's okay." _You're a good mother, Sara. How did I ever doubt you…_

Sara was feeling the effects of the lack of nursing from Belle. Her breasts now ached from the fullness and she winced with each turn. She was permitted to pick up the infant and try to get her to nurse. She was relieved when Belle accepted the breast for a few minutes.

Grissom stood by watching mother and child. The nurse on duty assured Sara that Belle was getting better if she had begun nursing again. She smiled but Grissom knew she would not be convinced until she saw the test results.

The second night was spent making several trips to the nursery. Sara was reluctant to leave but Grissom insisted she sleep as much as she could. They were relieved when the report came back positive and Belle's treatments were reduced.

Grissom requested the return of Belle to Sara's room even though she was a bit apprehensive but was assured Belle's lungs were now clear of the mucus. The treatments continued with the phototherapy light set up in Sara's room. They seemed to feel better once they were able to hold her again.

Grissom gave updates to Catherine. Laura delivered a change of clothing as well as food. She briefly held the baby returning her to Sara when she felt the scrutiny under Sara's watchful eye. It was Nick's arrival that caused alarm for Grissom.

"Catherine wanted me to come by and give you an update on the Johnson case. Evidence is still missing and the D.A has informed the judge. He's going to make his ruling tomorrow. We all know what the outcome will be. Ecklie is furious. He's had Hodges and Wendy through the ringer. Archie has gone through the procedure log and it seems the evidence disappeared approximately six weeks ago."

"Any idea how it disappeared?"

"They're working on it."

Nick used the opportunity to visit with Sara. Without asking for permission, he gently picked up the baby and began rocking her back and forth in her arms talking softly to her. Grissom smiled as Sara fidgeted. Nick glanced at Sara and grinned.

"You remind me of my sister, Pam, with her first baby. She wouldn't let anyone hold that baby. One day it was crying and they couldn't get her to stop so I tried. Let me just say I have a way with women even when they're in diapers."

Sara smiled. He did seem at ease handling the infant. She noticed the extra care he took handling the little bundle supporting the baby's head just right. He looked at her again and chuckled.

"Sara, I've had lots of practice with babies. Having so many sisters, I've held my share of babies and not once did I ever drop or injure one."

The last part made Sara grin. "In that case, I won't be so worried the next time you just help yourself to my child."

"Her child is it? Griss, you going to let her get away with that?"

"For the moment, yes. I know when to pick my battles and this isn't one of them."

The third night they faired better. There was the slight tug of war over the positioning of the bassinet. Sara would go to the bathroom and return to find it had been wheeled over to the recliner.

He would close his eyes only to hear the squeaking of the bassinet as it rolled back over to the bed. He eventually gave up once he tried to move it but found she had intentionally place the IV pole in the line of fire.

Belle slept more peacefully now that she seemed to be feeling better and was nursing longer. Sara on the other hand was feeling more uncomfortable. She cursed each time she had to go to the bathroom dragging the IV pole along. The shower helped ease the soreness from the surgery and the swelling in her breast responded to the warm water.

It was Belle's cries that reeked havoc on Sara's body. One whimper and Sara was a soggy mess. She wore the padded bras to keep the disaster to a minimum. She caught Grissom staring once or twice at the fullness of her breasts and she grinned.

"Never took you as a breast man," she whispered that night.

"Never envisioned you a voluptuous type," he said.

She gawked at him. He suddenly realized what he had said but knew it would be pointless to try to correct himself.

He slumped back in the recliner. "Added to the list again?"

"And then some," she said between clenched teeth.

"Night, Sara," he whispered.

"Night, Grissom," she replied.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"You're breaking the rules on purpose. You're still made at me, aren't you?" he asked quietly.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I am voluptuous right now, aren't I?" she grinned as she felt her breasts.

"Yes dear. You are."

**Note from author:**

Thanks for the reviews. Please continue to leave them. It's my birthday tomorrow. I am just trying to recover from my son's and now it's mine! LOL

Take care! Penny


	142. Chapter 142

**Chapter One Hundred Forty Two:**

"Look it can't be this difficult!" yelled Warrick as he tried once more to attach the infant car seat into the Denali. Grissom had been called into the DA's office and now they were on stand by to pick up Sara and the baby when they were released if he did not get out in time.

"The instructions are in Spanish," whined Greg. Warrick glanced at the instructions and then huffed. He yanked them out of Greg's hands and then turned them upside down.

"English is on the other side," sneered Warrick

Nick stood and watched as they struggled with the seat.

"So Greggo, did you tell Sara who won the baby pools?" asked Nick.

"I thought I would leave that to Grissom," he said.

Warrick's head popped out from around the seat. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Afraid not. Grissom won the bet. Poor man hasn't even asked about the money. I think he forgot about his own speculations," said Greg.

"Well, at least I won on the weight issue," smiled Greg.

"You cheated!" said Nick.

"How's that?" asked Warrick.

"He broke the code on Sara's computer and read her diary," said Nick.

"That's cold, man. She's going to hammer you into the ground when she finds out," warned Warrick.

"Hey shouldn't you guys have finished with this by now?" asked Nick.

"Want to give it a shot?" asked Warrick.

Nick walked around and studied the carseat and then the seat belt. He made an adjustment and then snapped it into place. Warrick and Greg stared at one another.

"I have sisters you guys and lots of nieces and nephews. I had to learn fast," grinned Nick.

"Never seen Grissom so happy and yet worn out," said Greg as he glanced at the car seat.

"You would be too if you had gone through everything they have in the last year or so. He's really proud of Belle. I just can't believe the mess with the Johnson case. You know after we got that blood evidence I thought it was a slam dunk case," said Warrick.

"All I know is that it would be a great time to get some leave approved and get out of here for a couple weeks. Once internal affairs arrive, no one is going to rest easy," said Nick.

"I'm just sorry for Sara and Grissom. I mean their life has been worse than any soap opera," said Greg.

"You watching soap operas, now?" asked Nick.

Greg made a face as he shook the car seat to make sure it was secure.

"All set."

Grissom hurried out of the lab door practically bumping into Nick.

"Hold on there, Griss. You've got plenty of time," said Nick.

"Not if I want to get out of here before Ecklie sees me," said Grissom.

"Hey, any news on the Johnson case?" asked Warrick.

"Judge dropped the murder charges. Ecklie has called for an internal investigation," said Grissom as he checked the car seat. He smiled when it appeared to be ready. He leaned against the vehicle trying to slow his pulse.

"Do they have any idea how the blood evidence disappeared?" asked Warrick. "Evidence doesn't just get up and walk away by itself."

Grissom started to reply when Ecklie popped his head out the door.

"Good I found you," said Ecklie. "I need to talk with you about the Johnson case."

"I was just leaving to pick Sara and the baby up from the hospital," said Grissom.

"There's a press conference scheduled for this afternoon at which time, The DA is going to announce that Johnson is going free and the reason for it. The media is going to be all over the department. There's a gag order in effect. No discussing the case until internal affairs has completed their investigation." He looked around at the others.

"I take it there's more?" asked Grissom.

"I'm going to need you to help cover swing shift."

Grissom glanced at the others, "Why?"

"Can't get any takers on the supervisor position," said Ecklie.

"Wonder why?" said Warrick under his breath.

"What was that Brown?" asked Ecklie.

"Admit it, Ecklie. Swing has some pretty green workers. A supervisor would have his hands full with that bunch," said Nick.

"Patrick seemed to being fine."

"Yeah but he practically lived here in the lab… not to mention Sara was doing most of the paperwork for that unit," said Warrick.

"Too bad we don't have Sara back yet," said Ecklie. He looked at Grissom.

Grissom's jaw twitched. "It's Sara's decision when she's coming back." He wanted to add the 'if' but knew that it was Sara's decision as well.

"Am I needed for the conference?" asked Grissom as he pulled out his keys hoping that Ecklie would take the hint.

"No, I'll handle it. Give Sara my best and tell her…well I'll be in touch with her." He was gone before Grissom could reply.

Nick and Warrick looked at another.

"Why do I have the feeling he's going to be trying to rush Sara into coming back?" asked Nick.

"Because the man will do anything to avoid working harder than the rest of us," said Warrick.

"Grissom, you're not going to let him push Sara..."

"No Greg I'm not," said Grissom. "This has to be Sara's decision and besides, I'm not sure she has any intention of leaving Belle with anyone."

They all smiled at that.

"How is the mother in law thing going?" asked Warrick.

"Haven't been home long enough to even bump into her. How about dinner tomorrow night at our place?" asked Grissom.

"Are you sure you want to have a bunch of us over so soon?" asked Nick.

"I think Sara will need you guys around with her mom visiting. It's still awkward between them," said Grissom.

"How long is she staying?" asked Greg.

"I didn't ask," said Grissom. _How do you ask? I'll let Sara ask…_

Sara sat on the bed and stared at the things packed on the bed. She glanced at her watch and wondered where he was. _He's late._

She checked Sara Belle and smiled as she noticed she was fast asleep in the bassinet. She heard a scurrying of feet and then he was there. He huffed as he leaned over and stared into the baby's face smiling at her.

"Gil, you're out of breath. Sit down for a moment."

He sat down on the bed pulling her up close.

"Where have you been?"

"D.A.'s office followed by being cornered by Ecklie."

She sat quietly letting him catch his breath content to be held in his arms. He pulled up her arm and caressed its battered look. She had been thrilled when the IV pole was finally discarded. The bruises and angry needles holes would take days to disappear.

"Sara, I'm sorry about your mother being there right now. I wasn't thinking at the time."

"It's fine. Any more surprises?" _I'm too tired to get into the rules_

"I may have invited the team over for dinner?" he said. He looked at her waiting for an on sought of yelling but she was quiet.

She stared at him.

"I seem to be saying 'sorry' a lot these days."

"It's fine," she said and kissed him gently. _Is she expecting me to say something?_

She smiled when the nurse arrived with the wheelchair to escort them out of the building. He picked up the belongings and without a backward glance they left.

"Ready for home?" he asked. _You mom is going to be there._

"Ready," she said. _I hope my mom is leaving soon._


	143. Chapter 143

**Chapter One Hundred Forty Three:**

The drive did not seem to take long. Sara sat in the back seat next to the baby. She closed her eyes a few times and he decided a nap was in order when they arrived. By the time he pulled up, Sara had fallen asleep. He fished his keys out unlocking the door before waking Sara.

They walked in slowly sidestepping Bruno who wagged his tail as he followed them into the nursery. Laura stood and welcomed them home wanting to hold the baby but resisted the temptation when Sara murmured the baby was asleep.

Sara took one look at the baby bed and then at Grissom. Without a word, he picked up the bassinet and carried it to their room. Laying the baby down, she waited a few minutes before leaving her to sleep. She surveyed the house and saw that it was clean. They sat and rummaged through the mail passing idle chit chat between the three.

Dinner was mentioned and Laura announced she would cook although she seemed a bit surprised as the vegetarian sitting at the table announced takeout would be best. Grissom took a walk down to check on the bees and was glad to know that Greg had continued the research while he was away. Once he was satisfied with Greg's findings, he returned to find the ladies sitting oddly across from one another as if in a staring contest.

Sara seemed overjoyed at his return and immediately entered into nonsensical conversation about Bruno. He knew she was nervous since she tended to rattle on about nothing and Sara was in full speed. He confirmed the food had been ordered and then ushered Sara off to soak in the tub.

He returned to find Laura had retreated to the guest room. Bruno immediately came and sat beside him wagging his tail excitedly. He reached down to pet him but stopped when he thought he heard a slight noise. He quickly made a bee line to the bassinet and looked down at his sleeping daughter.

There was a bit of disappointment on his face as he saw that she was fast asleep. He gently let his fingers run through the curls and grinned as he stretched one out only to watch is snap back into place. _She's going to have curly hair…_

He stood and just stared at her. He didn't even notice that Sara had now joined him. She smiled when Belle's lower lip quivered as if she was suckling at her breast. Sara yawned as she made herself lay down in the bed. She watched as Grissom remained fixed at the bassinet staring down at the baby.

"Gil, come lay with me," she whispered. He glanced at her and then glanced back at Belle before slowly making his way to his side of the bed.

He pulled her into his arms and suddenly found himself yawning. Sara smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair kissing his temple.

"What's going on at the lab? Is there a new case? You don't often have a meeting with the DA followed by Ecklie."

"Problem with a case," said Grissom dreading where the conversation was leading.

"Really?" She leaned up on her elbows and looked at him. "Any case I know?"

He stared at her for a moment. He hadn't planned on telling her so soon but it would be on the local TV stations as well as the papers. There was no avoiding the issue.

"Johnson case."

"Is he trying to plea bargain?"

"Sara, the murder charges were dropped."

She immediately sat up in the bed and glared at Grissom. "That evidence was good. It wasn't tainted. There is no way a judge could throw it out…"

"He didn't."

"Then…"

"The evidence disappeared from the lab."

"That's impossible! There are procedures…"

"There's going to be an internal affairs investigation."

"Wait. I handled that evidence."

"We all did."

"Yeah, but I'm on leave."

"I'll watch Belle when you have to go in and testify before the team."

"They think one of us did it."

"It had to be one of us. Evidence doesn't disappear."

The words hung between them.

"I don't trust the swing shift like I do the gang but I would never think any of them would be stupid enough to get rid of evidence. Who ever did it is bound to get caught."

"The department is going to take a hard hit because of this. Ecklie is worried about the implications."

"Well if it was one of us then there is going to be an appeal frenzy by every sleazy defense attorney…"

"Ecklie may be calling you."

"Why?"

"I think he's going to want to know when you're coming back."

"I just got home…"

"Sara, don't let him guilt you into coming back until you're ready. You came back too early after the kidnapping and the miscarriage. Do what's best for you."

Sara immediately glanced at Belle. He forced her to turn and look at him.

"This is your decision."

"I have to do what's best for Belle. She comes first." He smiled.

"Look, in a couple of months, if you want to go back to work then it's fine with me. I just want you to be happy. I don't want you to feel like you have to stay at home with Belle."

The conversation was interrupted by the doorbell.

"Chinese is here."

They chatted throughout the meal. Laura listened at their discussion about shift coverage and the problems with the swing shift.

"Ecklie wants you to help cover swing? Why not Catherine?"

"Catherine is not good with new recruits."

"She just hasn't had that much experience being around new recruits. It would be good for her…"

"If you recall, I used to train the new recruits. I think that's why I'm being asked now instead of Catherine."

"Well, it's going to a lot of hours. Ronnie can ask a hundred questions and not even get to the pertinent questions related to the case."

"Twenty question limit, huh?"

Sara grinned. "Why Dr. Grissom you wouldn't be considering using my old tactic now would you?"

"If she asks a hundred questions, I may have to implement my own gag rule."

Sara laughed.


	144. Chapter 144

**Chapter One Hundred Forty Four:**

"She doesn't smell like wildflowers anymore," grimaced Grissom as he leaned his head away from the tiny bottom that squirmed on the changing table.

Sara's face reddened. "You've done countless decomps. You can't tell me that changing your daughter's diaper is worse than…" Sara pulled away.

"You think she's sick?" he asked as he leaned in to assess the odor again.

"She doesn't appear to be sick," said Sara as she kept her head turned away from the offending odor.

"Perhaps you better do this since you're better at…"

"It's your turn," she countered as she stepped away.

"Okay, we can do this. Hand me a new diaper and wipes," he said as he began to loosen the taped sides. He gently opened the diaper and began wiping off the dark green substance. She quickly handed him the diaper as he cleaned up Belle trying to smile while he removed the soiled diaper. It was then he noticed the diaper had leaked. The foul stench was on the baby's clothing. He sighed.

He began to remove her clothing stripping her down completely. She wriggled and began to wail at the coolness.

"She doesn't like that! It's too cool on her body," said Sara as she immediately took the baby wrapping her in a blanket and holding her close.

"She needs a bath," he said.

The diaper was discarded along with the other trash contents. Grissom sat them in the outside garbage containers and hoped the odor would not entice a stray animal to sort through the garbage. The thought of the odor after it had been baking in the hot sun made him long for the days of a plain old ripe cadaver.

She was waiting for him when he returned.

"Bath," she said.

He looked at her.

"I could put her in the shower with me but I think a bath would be best. I'm not supposed to bathe just yet."

He stripped.

Once he convinced Sara the water was warm and he was securely in place, she handed Belle to him lecturing him on how to hold her head. He frowned at her.

"I've read more about babies than you have," he said.

"I carried and then gave birth to her. Don't drop her!"

He smirked.

He enjoyed the bath watching her tiny hands and feet splash through the water and smiling when her eyes seemed to grow bigger from the feel of it.

"You're going to like being in water more once you can sit up."

She left them. The staples were beginning to itch and she so wanted to pull them out but knew she must leave them alone. She practically ran into her mother who stood outside the bathroom door. Sara quickly shut the door.

"Is everything okay?" asked Laura.

"Everything's fine," replied Sara. "The baby had an accident so she getting a bath."

"You didn't leave her alone in there did you?" Laura started to go past Sara but she stepped in her path.

"Gil is in there with her mother. A naked Gil in the tub with naked Belle."

Laura suddenly looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's fine," she said.

Laura followed her to the nursery and watched as she took out a one piece outfit along with a clean blanket.

"You really don't need my help," she said quietly.

"I'm glad you came to see Belle," she said as she turned to face her mother.

"I had hoped in secret you would need some help but you've always been strong. I guess I just hoped you would someday need me like you used to."

She felt sad for her mother at that moment. Thinking about her own daughter in the bathtub she wondered what it would feel like to have Belle discarding her like she was discarding her mother at that moment.

She had never done it before. Despite everything they had recently shared in person, through emails and the birth of Belle, she had never initiated any kind of physical contact with her. She wasn't sure why but there was always the need for distance.

She remembered the feeling of abandonment on the day they took her away in that car but she never understood why she had built such barriers for defense against her mother.

Now, she was simply reacting, mother to mother rather than mother to child. She started to walk past her but instead she stopped and hugged her. It was brief. If only for a moment she comforted the last remaining link to her past. She continued on her destination but this time she knew she was alone. Laura remained behind.

She laid Belle on the bed and dried her while she continued to thrash about. She placed the diaper on her and then dressed her in record time before she had time to work up a fuss. The blanket was wrapped securely around her and she breathed in slowly. She smiled.

"Wild flowers?" he mused as he dressed himself.

"Better," she said as she left the room and headed for the nursery.

Her mother was still there sitting in the rocking chair. She was surprised when Sara promptly placed the warm bundle into her arms.

"Lullaby," she said.

Laura looked at her.

"I don't know any. You could teach me a lullaby," she said.

Laura smiled. _A peace offering._

She sang the classic. Although her voice was a bit raspy, it still had the same effect. Belle looked at the woman intently as she sang. Once she ended the first verse, Laura pulled on Sara's sleeve and together they sang the verse over.

It was a blend of blues and pop. It was a blend of old and new. Grissom looked at it as a blend of history and future blended in to make the present. The present lay in Laura's arms. He stood there and listened as they serenaded his daughter. He ignored his pager as it vibrated. The sound had been turned off since Belle's arrival home.

He knew there would be many changes to come. He wondered how on earth he would get through a single day at work knowing that she was here at home waiting to be held and loved.

He envied Sara. She would spend the next few weeks with Belle getting to know her intimately. He wanted to do the same. He would have to make good on what time he did spend with her. There was a bit of sadness within him tonight. He knew it would be hard for Sara to leave her behind when she returned to work.

For the moment, he couldn't imagine Sara ever doing that. Just to be out of the room from her made Sara apprehensive. He tiptoed away and glanced at the beeper. It was Ecklie. Tomorrow he would be back at work. He made the call brief returning quickly to stand in the doorway. Sara sat in the floor as Laura held Belle. Laura was telling Sara about her first night at home. He prayed it was a happy memory.

Sara glanced at him and they shared a smile. As they talked, he gently lifted the bassinet and carried it to their bedroom. Sara's smile followed him. Once the baby was asleep, Laura handed her back to Sara. She didn't pull away when she felt the light kiss on her cheek as her mother wished her good night.

Grissom was waiting for her in the bedroom. He was already in bed with book in hand. She laid Belle in the bassinet and chuckled when she noticed it was already by her side of the bed. _Smart man! He learns quickly._

She curled up beside him and he took in the scent of her hair. "She smells like you," he whispered.

She kissed him tenderly on the lips forcing him to accept her exploring tongue. He groaned.

"Sara…"

"Yeah?"

"Don't make me take a cold shower. Go to sleep," he yawned. She chuckled but she could already tell he was falling asleep by his even breathing. She laid her head back on her pillow and listened to the noises in the room. She could hear the soft suckling noises made by Belle followed by the occasional heavy sigh of Bruno as he stretched out on his pillow in the floor. She grinned when she heard Grissom's slight snore.

She rolled over and placed her hand into the bassinet and felt the soft cheek of Sara Belle. She let her hand dangle over the bassinet as she willed herself to sleep.

**Note from author:**

**Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes. I am going to post several chapters so I am going to hope that everyone will give a review for each chapter. Please bear with me as I fill in some details to the finale of the story…Yes. I have written an ending to the story. I have sulked for the last couple of days wondering if it is time and I think it is. I have a particular way I wanted to end this and I am finally heading down that path. I hope that my readers will remain loyal and post as many reviews as we near the end. Take care! Penny**


	145. Chapter 145

**Chapter One Hundred Forty Five:**

"I've been meaning to talk with you about this," began Laura as they sat at the kitchen table.

Sara glanced at Grissom. _She's leaving._

"I've been thinking about relocating. I'm tired of Sans Francisco," said Laura as she took a sip of coffee. She looked directly at Sara. "I would like to live closer to you but I won't if you have any objections."

Sara bit her lower lip. She glanced at Grissom as her eyes trailed off to the room where Belle slept. A thousand thoughts went through Sara's head at the revelation. It had completely caught her off guard.

"Sara?" asked Laura.

"I uhm I think I need to think about it. I'm uhm…why now?" said Sara as she quickly excused herself to refill her glass with juice.

"I want to know Belle. I would like to help out. I know you want to return to work and you'll need help. I can help around the house or even watch Belle…"

"I'm not sure I'm going back to work…"

She hadn't meant to blurt it out like that but she couldn't see herself leaving Belle with anyone particularly her own mother. Her mother who had abandoned her in foster care…her mother who had never bothered to try to locate her and form any kind of relationship with her…her mother who surely did not love her as much as she loved Belle. Sara could never imagine doing those things to Belle that her own mother had easily done to her.

Grissom could feel the tension suddenly.

"It's Sara's decision about work. She's always known that. I also trust Sara to decide what is best for Belle. Let's give this a couple of days before we decide anything."

He saw relief flash across Sara's face as hurt was still mirrored on Laura's.

"Sara, I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made in the past but I won't make the same mistakes with Belle. I would never let anyone hurt Belle. I would never intentionally do anything that you would disapprove. You are Belle's mother and whatever you say, is final. I certainly don't want you to think that I intend to move here and take over. I'll only visit if you ask me. I'll be available whenever you need me. I would like to earn your trust again."

"I didn't know I ever trusted you."

The statement was like barb wire. Laura felt it immediately.

"Perhaps you didn't. I just remember you beating your fists on the police window until they became bloodied. I couldn't keep them from taking you and Billy away. I deserved to be punished for failing to protect you from your father. I gave you up so you would have a better life. It hurt to do that but I would do it again to know that this is where you would end up."

She quietly stood up cleaning up the dishes as Sara sat there. Grissom grabbed her hand and squeezed it. He knew that she was hurt and angry. He was surprised when she suddenly got up and fled to the other room.

He found her holding Belle tightly. He shut the bedroom door behind them and watched as Sara stretched out in the bed with Belle.

"Sara?"

"I'm trying. I really am. Part of me wants her to move here and part of me screams to tell her to stay away. I don't know why. I don't remember her ever doing anything hurtful to me other than keeping us together despite dad's condition. I just feel…"

"Betrayed? You feel like she wasn't a good mother because of the choices she made. You think she should have let you decide if you wanted her in your life rather than Laura making the decision for you?"

She nodded.

"We're going to make mistakes with Belle. I've already made one by thinking I should keep Belle from you…"

"You were doing that to protect Belle! You did it even if it meant protecting her from me… you're not like her."

"She made the decision to keep herself from you because of the mistake she made in the past. She was punishing herself not you, Sara. She was doing what she felt was best for you. She put your needs above her own."

"I'm not sure I believe that. She didn't seem to have any qualms about helping Billy when he got into trouble. Perhaps she loved him more than me."

"She helped Billy because Billy needed someone. You've always been strong. You've always managed to help yourself."

"Not in San Francisco. I …"

"She didn't know. I didn't know. If we had known we would have been there. I know I would have been there. I would have made sure Patrick paid for what he did."

He saw the hurt flash across her face and he wished he had not brought up the name.

"I'm sorry Sara. I didn't mean to bring up his name."

He lay down on the other side of the bed and smiled as Belle lay between them.

"She should be waking soon."

"Would you trust her with Belle?" asked Sara.

_Don't ask me that. I don't trust anyone with Belle…except you. I trust you Sara._

"I'm not sure I'm able to make any rationale judgment right now when it comes to Belle. I'll leave that up to you."

"What if I make a mistake? What if I allow her into our lives more and it's a mistake?"

"Sara, you'll make the right decision. I trust you."


	146. Chapter 146

**Chapter One Hundred Forty Six:**

Bruno sulked. He sighed, yawned and then looked away hoping someone would notice but through his peripheral vision he saw no attention given to him. _It figures._

He had stood in the living room and watched as they brought the thing into the house. He knew it was something new. He had never smelled this thing before. He sat there obediently as his master had requested, wagging his tail in anticipation for that pat on the head followed by the full blown belly rub but none came. _She leaves me with him…she knows he forgets about me…and then that lady comes…just toss me to the first available human…who next? the mailman? Wait, he has dog biscuits._

He licked his chomps at the thought of the biscuits. It was tough being a dog in this house. There were always disappointments lurking around the corner. _Oh, they seem nice enough but Master Grissom often forgets to follow through with his promises. _

_For example, the night they took My Sara away on the bed that rolls, he had patted me on the head and said he would reward me for staying with her. At the time I thought it was a stupid remark myself. Like I would be anywhere else in the house except beside My Sara but he promised a new chew bone. Right! _

He watched as his masters gave all of their attention to that new thing.

He hated it.

He wasn't sure what kind of new pet it was but he decided it did not belong in the same house with him. He tucked his tail between his legs and lowered his ears in defiance. He again sighed trying his best to sulk as loud as he could but they ignored him once again.

He closed his eyes. He used to be the center of her attention.

Once master Grissom brought him home to her, she loved him immediately. They were inseparable. He didn't even mind when master Grissom went away for awhile because then he had her all to himself.

He had been happy.

Why he had even a spot in the bed right next to her. Well at least until the grumpy guy came and took them to his home.

_But My Sara was sad. Her face leaked a lot and her nose did too. It tasted a bit different when I licked her face. Oh and don't get me started on the licking part. Master Grissom doesn't let me do that but My Sara, well…let's just say I have a way…._

He whined and looked for her.

But then master Grissom returned. _He took my spot…I no longer had a spot on the bed…he seems obsessed with licking her…no it's not licking…I don't think he ever learned how to lick properly. I rarely see his tongue…anyway... _

He closed his eyes again.

It was still okay because she loved him and took him for walks and fed him those wonderful bones. She loved him. He loved her. _Okay so there was that slight misunderstanding about the clothes…I think that's when they gave me that other name….Hank…geez…what kind of name is that?...I stopped with the clothes…I was good…._

He whined and let the drool pool under his chin.

But then one day she disappeared. Grissom disappeared. There was that new guy with the weird hair that came by. Lot's of people came by. _I whined all night as I lay in her spot on the bed. My Sara was gone. _

She came home and with her came that strange thing on her arm and the bruises and the cuts. _Master Grissom was beside himself worrying about her. I did too. I mean did anyone take her to the vet? I mean she didn't smell right. She was sick…it took several licks to get her to smile. _

She got better at least for awhile but then she was gone again. Bruno remembered when she returned she was different. _My Sara was sad. Really sad…her face leaked a lot when he was not here. I know because I just licked and licked…she needs to have that fixed. _

Bruno sat up when he saw movement toward him. He laid back down when he saw the old woman. He whined softly. She had left for a really long time after that. _Master Grissom leaked a lot after that. He even let me sleep with him. He was a mess. I think he misplaced something and couldn't find it because he kept acting like he was searching for something. I offered him my bone…humans need too much stuff. Of course he sent me away…stupid human. But, she came back and I did too._

Bruno closed his eyes again. She and master Grissom were happy again. _My Sara ate way too much food. Why she got plum huge. She got all weird on us too. baths...baths…baths…I'm not taking another bath for a long time…_

Now, his masters had gotten another pet. He sighed again.

Now when the thing moved or made a sound they were there listening, holding, loving and feeding.

Why? He never got to snuggle up that close to his Sara.

What gave that thing the right?

Well, he would get rid of it.

The first chance, he got, he would.

Yep, that was his ultimatum.

No attention to Bruno and the thing has to go.

_I'll just dig a hole and bury it outback._

Note from author:

Sorry but I couldn't resist. Here my dog lays his head on my lap at night and wonders why I play with this computer. It can't even fetch but then again neither can Bo. Leave the reviews. Take care! Penny


	147. Chapter 147

**Chapter One Hundred Forty Seven:**

It was one knock on the door followed by many more and soon the house was full. Nick boasted to the others how he had held Belle in the hospital and proceeded to demonstrate his skill when she began to squirm in the bassinet. Her tiny wail brought everyone to hush as they marveled at how sweet her cry sounded everyone that is except Bruno. He scratched at the back door and wagged his tail when Greg let him out.

It was the women who huddled around the small baby, whispering softly. Lady Heather was happy to see the bassinet in use and Sara was deep into conversation with her over some detail that caused Brass to sweat bullets. A glance here and there and he was already looking for another beer from the fridge. He frowned when he found juice, water, milk and sodas. _No beer…_

He sighed closing the fridge door resolving himself to drink a cup of coffee. He sat there crouched in the kitchen hoping for a word with Grissom but he was too busy discussing the latest bee study with Greg who had become quite the bee expert. As he looked across the room, he noticed Bruno digging furiously outback. He chuckled.

_Dog is going to get it when they find out…_

Heather was now staring at him and he felt the sweat begin to collect over his forehead. He knew he was part of the conversation and he wondered how damaging it would be later when Sara divulged it to Grissom and the others. _Women still did that right? Still had show and tell? You know where Heather would show Sara what he had done and then Sara would tell it to the others and he would have to threaten to kick someone's ass before the evening was even over. _

Nick was now hugging Sara. He had slightly placed his hand on her shoulder but now he was leaning down and whispering to her as she smiled trying to brush him away but now he was hugging her and she was squealing with delight and Grissom was now losing his train of thought. His eyes were fixed on Nick and Sara and now he was wondering who the target of the conversation was.

Brass chuckled as he saw Grissom completely ignore Greg to come and stand beside Sara but he wasn't there long because now Greg was making his move on Belle and Sara was not about to let Greg hold Belle. He had made it within a few inches before Belle was snatched from his grasp by Sara. She held the baby but allowed Greg to interact with Belle laughing at the young man's antics. Grissom was now talking with Nick and he too was laughing.

Hell everyone was laughing except for Brass and Laura. He somehow made his way to stand beside her throwing his head in a peacock kind of style which Heather immediately took notice. He was even bold enough to strike up a conversation with the woman and seemed to be interested in what she had to say.

Heather just smiled. He hated that smile she had. It could be cruel at times. It could tell him he wasn't welcome to stay or he wasn't welcome to touch her anymore although he was proud of the advances he had achieved without being horsewhipped by the woman.

If someone had told him that he would be courting no seeing no dating no semi flirting with Lady Heather Kessler, he would have laughed in their face. The woman showed no emotion. Well, at least most of the time. She had been good at disguising her emotions until it came to Grissom's near death and the death of her own daughter.

Brass had understood the hurt in her eyes then. He had actually been kind to the woman feeling her despair when she had come to claim the body and ask for answers that she eventually found out on her own. He had often thought that it would be him someday doing that with his daughter, Ellie. He had been lucky so far. No news was good news, he guessed.

He ignored the smile now continuing to pretend to have an intimate conversation with Laura. The contact, the talks, the occasional touch of his arm surprised Brass. He had half ignored most of it only wanting to get a rise from the woman across the room. He had no idea his deceptive behavior was going to have dire consequences.

She was suddenly at his side standing there waiting to be introduced. When he failed to give her that courtesy, Heather took it upon herself to begin the introductions.

"I'm Heather."

"I'm Laura."

Brass grinned. _You're possessive_

"So, how long have you've been widowed? You strike me as the type to be widowed." said Heather. The voices were growing quieter as the two conversed.

"Several years now," came the reply. "How do you know Sara and my son in law?" _You're not scaring me with that gothic outfit and those ruby red lips._

"I was the suspect in several murder investigations before taking Grissom under my wing for counseling."

Brass grinned. _Oh here it comes. She's going to ask what kind of counseling… _His grinspread from ear to ear.

"Really? I was more than a suspect. I was found guilty of killing my husband and spent several years in prison." _Try and top that…_

Brass glanced at the two a bit disappointed that Laura had not asked about the type of counseling.

"Just a few years? It must have been a minor conviction for murder," smiled Heather. _Be afraid. Be very afraid._

Brass's head shot to Heather. _Who the hell ever heard of a minor murder conviction? _

"What kind of counseling did you give Grissom or was it Sara?" asked Laura. _Think you're bad? I had cell mates worse than you. You little twit!_

"Grissom and it was sexual." _Bitch_

Laura's eyes grew wide. She sipped on the cup of coffee in her hand as if she was in desperate need to quench her thirst. Nick and Warrick were now quiet as a mouse and Grissom felt his face suddenly heating up.

"So counseling is what you do for a living?" _Horse's ass…I don't believe it for a minute??_

"I'm a dominatrix although I'm retired." _You have nothing Brass could possibly want._

Laura continued to sip on the coffee even though the cup was now empty. Brass's eyebrows lifted at the 'retired' comment.

"I take it Grissom is no longer under your care? I mean he is now married to my daughter and they have a beautiful daughter…"_ I could take you bitch…don't think you can come between my daughter and her husband!_

"Oh he still comes around. For instance when Sara and he could no longer have sex at the end of her pregnancy, he needed my services…" _Oh no she didn't!_

Brass pretended to cough following by fake choking sounds. _Oh that was low. Just twist it enough to insinuate…you're good!_

Laura darted to the kitchen pouring a glass of water while replenishing her cup. She thrusts the glass into Brass's hand before stepping away. Brass stood there chuckling as he glanced over at Grissom. Sara seemed the most amused. Catherine and Warrick were whispering as a smile crossed their face. Nick on the other hand was slowly trying to keep from laughing out loud while Greg stood and watched as Bruno dug the hole deeper and deeper.

Grissom sighed. He didn't know if he wanted to put any effort into clearing up the confusion. _So she thinks I'm a pervert…. _

Belle's wailing brought them all back to reality. Sara looked at Grissom and then excused herself to the bedroom. _Damn! I won't get to watch. I love to watch…_

Pizza was delivered. They sat and ate and looked at one another wondering if anyone was going to bother to clear up the misunderstanding. Laura continued to obsess over the coffee.

Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, they heard the smack. It was quite loud. All heads turned in the direction of Brass and Heather. While no one saw the smack it was certainly heard. They gawked at the two expecting to hear words but instead the two acted as though nothing happened. The stares continued until the two seemed so innocent of any strange going on that conversations continued.

Laura was slowly joining the others again taking great care to avoid Brass and Heather and Grissom and Sara. She sat down between Warrick and Nick. The conversations had begun on sleeping habits.

"Brass snores really loud," said Sara as she brought Belle back and plopped her into Grissom's arms.

"Hey, I recall you snoring louder than me quite a few nights," added Brass.

"You know what I don't get is how the whole building knew that Brass and Sara were living together but the office didn't find out about Sara and Grissom until you know the Natalie thing," said Greg.

"What can I say people were jealous that I had a sweet thing waiting for me at home," smiled Brass.

Laura sipped on the coffee. "You lived with Brass for awhile?"

"Yeah, when Grissom took off for his so called sabbatical, Brass came over here, moved Sara over to his place and the two were inseparable until Grissom came back," smiled Greg.

"Well, she was only on loan to me anyway until Bug man returned. It's fine, I can share," smiled Brass.

The others watched Laura intently. The sound of another smack made their heads shoot up as they glanced at Heather and then Brass. The evidence was somewhat visible this time, the redness on his hand was proof that a smack had occurred but the cause for the smack was still not clear. They continued to stare at the two as they continued to pretend nothing had taken place.

"Okay, anyone else want to go down memory lane?" asked Grissom as he gawked at the gang with a hint of embarrassment.

"Not unless you want to remember the time Nick and Greg drugged Sara," snickered Warrick.

"It was an accident!" said Nick with Greg chiming in as well. "We didn't mean to give her too much."

Grissom rolled his eyes. _My mother in law hates me. Is that good or bad?_

"Oh like you haven't done anything you regretted. How about the time you spent the night with Lady Heather while Sara sat here at home?" asked Nick.

Sara glanced at Nick. Grissom glanced at the two.

"Sorry" whispered Sara.

The third smack was too much. They glared at the two sitting quietly on the couch and watched as Brass rubbed his hand. Heather stood up and headed for the door.

She said her goodbyes and before she reached the door, she stood there and tapped her feet slightly. Brass was on his feet immediately to stand next to her opening the door.

She smiled at him and then walked out.

"Leaving so soon?" asked Grissom.

"I think it's role play night," replied Brass.

Nick and Warrick chuckled along with Catherine.

Laura choked on the coffee as she tried to gulp down the remaining droplets left in the cup.

Grissom stared down at Laura. "I know how all of this may sound but you really don't think…"

"Of course not. Who would be so stupid to let a convicted killer think that he had led her daughter into a life of sin? Why that would be plum suicidal, don't you think?"

The room exploded into laughter.

Greg chuckled ignoring the fact that Bruno stood begging to get in, the hole complete in the back yard.


	148. Chapter 148

**Chapter One Hundred Forty Eight:**

The guests were now gone. Grissom had spent an hour sitting with Laura clearing up the misunderstandings while Sara lay in bed giggling. He glanced at her causing another flurry of laughs between the two.

"Think she still wants to relocate here?" asked Sara.

"Now more than ever I suppose." He kissed her while leaning over to check on Belle.

"She had quite a few questions about Heather. I don't think she cares for the woman."

"It's not her decision whom we have as friends," scoffed Sara. He frowned at her before turning his attention back on Belle.

"Have you given her offer any more thought?" he asked as he gently rubbed Sara's leg while leaning back on his pillow.

"Well, if she's going to be a part of this family…"

"Sara, she already is…"

"I know that…what I meant to say is if she's going to be around us then she has to accept all of us."

He grinned. _I hope Belle doesn't have her stubborn streak….she probably will._

"I think you need to tell her something. She's going to be leaving soon."

Sara's eyes widened. "She never mentioned anything to me."

"She wanted to tell me first…you know make sure I agreed you were okay before leaving."

"Oh."

They were silent for a moment.

"I've been thinking about the office," said Sara as she stared at Belle.

Grissom's heart rate increased.

"And?"

"Well, Belle is going to be sleeping most of the time the first three months and I just thought I could help out with the paperwork. I mean…you could bring it home and I could work on it."

He sighed. "You sure you want to do that?"

"I'm not used to not working. I've always worked and it would be a way to help you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this to help Ecklie. I'm doing this to help you."

He smiled.

Let's wait another week I think in all fairness, you should be given credit for the work. Perhaps they could count only part of your day as sick leave. I'll suggest it to Ecklie."

"You think the internal affairs thing is going to be bad for the department?"

"I think we're going to flooded with appeal cases. Ecklie fears we will lose our ranking as the number two lab in the nation."

"Well, he's right. Does that bother you? I mean you've spent all these years building up the department to have this happen."

"It would have mattered a couple of years ago but not now. I have you and Belle. The office is not my priority."

She smiled. She still wasn't sure he would feel the same way once the dust settled and the lab was in shambles. Perhaps she was over exaggerating a bit but things like this could ruin a lab.

"Do they have any idea who did this?"

"No but then again, they're not finished with going through the procedure log and checking every entry. That evidence was checked out quite a bit."

"I know I handled it several times. Patrick kept requesting to see the file and used it as an example to the other recruits for teaching purposes."

Grissom was lost in thought. _Patrick. Why do I think he has something to do with it? _

"Gil?"

"Do you…"

"Yes I do."

"But why?'

"I don't know. Maybe he wanted to hurt me by hurting the lab."

"You don't think he tried to set one of us up, do you?"

"I'm not sure. I do know that we shouldn't get carried away with speculations until the investigation is over."

He kissed her. The movement in the bassinet caught their eye. Sara got up picking Belle up.

"Feeding time," she said.

"Good, I've been waiting all afternoon for this."

Sara grinned.

Grissom watched as Belle finished up each side and then was handed to him for the honor of burping. He gently patted her on the back and grinned when the soft sound echoed in the room. They smiled.

The scratching at their bedroom door caused them to stop.

"What's up with Bruno?" asked Sara as she opened the door.

He hurried around to the side of the bed lunging toward the baby.

"No!" yelled Grissom.

Bruno sat on his haunches with ears peeled back.

"I think the jealousy has begun," said Grissom.

'Give me Belle," said Sara. She took the baby and sat on the edge of the bed near Bruno letting him sniff at the baby.

"Sara, I don't think he needs to be close to Belle,"

Sara shot Grissom a "I'm the mother and I know what I'm doing" look causing him to step back.

"Baby, Bruno. See?" She opened the blanket unfolding it so he could sniff at the legs and arms. Bruno stared at Sara and then at the baby. She patted his head. He wagged his tail.

"Gil, bone for Bruno."

Grissom left the room but returned with a meaty bone. Bruno immediately began hopping around. Once he received it, he lay down on his doggy pillow slurping at the juicy bone.

"I think they made friends," announced Sara. Grissom wasn't too sure.

"I think you need to talk with your mother and give her a decision," said Grissom.

"You just want an excuse to hold Belle."

"Go," he said as he took the baby and headed to the rocking chair in the nursery.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to tell her she can."

"That's fine." _Damn. I broke a rule_

"Is that code for you think I made a mistake?"

"No, it means I think you made the right decision and I just broke a rule."

She smiled. "I'll let it go this time."

"You're too kind," he said as he started for the door again.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"When do you want your list?"

He seemed puzzled at first but then as she sat there is the smug look on her face he knew what she meant.

"You really have a list?"

"Yes, I do."

"But..."

"When do you want it?"

"Hit me. Just go ahead and hit me with it." His jaw dropped open when she pulled out a folded piece of paper from under his pillow.

He frowned. "I need to rock my daughter," he said as he left the room as she sat there and chuckled.

She laid it on the bed and headed for the guest room. She knocked lightly and started to turn around when her mother opened it. Her suitcases were on the bed and Sara could tell she had been packing.

"Gil told me you were leaving soon,"

"I need to get back but if you need me to stay longer…"

"No, I uhm, we'll be fine. Really" _I hope Gil didn't hear me._

She saw the disappointment in Laura's eyes.

"It's fine. You know. The moving here. I uhm, we're fine with it. You know that we have a lot of get togethers and you know they're our family. So, if you can accept them then it's fine with us."

She started to flee suddenly but Laura grabbed her arm.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

Laura seemed pleased. "I can help with Belle. I can keep her when you go back …"

"I didn't say that. Look, I'm not sure if I'm going back to work but if I do I may want to leave her close to work so I can drop in and check on her…"

Laura nodded. "I just wanted you to know I'll help any way I can. I can come and take care of Bruno or the house work." _You don't trust me with Belle…I understand…I don't blame you…_

"I don't expect you to do that," said Sara.

"Sara, that's what mother's do…mother's who act like mother's…anyway….I would like to act like a mother for a change…I will if you give me the chance."

Sara looked at her.

"Okay." It was a simple answer. It spoke volumes to Laura. It surprised Sara that she was willing to even give her a chance. _I'm only doing this for Belle…_

"Do you think I could hold Belle for a little while?" she asked.

She followed Sara into the nursery. Grissom was talking softly to Belle. They grinned when they recognized the stanza from a Shakespeare play.

"Gil, you really need to tell her something other than Shakespeare," chided Sara.

"It's routine. She listened to it for months now. No reason to stop now," he complained.

"Could I?" asked Laura. He handed the baby to her and let her take the chair.

They stood and watched as Laura rocked the baby singing the lullaby.

Sara looked at Grissom.

"I don't sing," said Grissom.

They left her there as Sara decided it was time to hand Grissom his list. When they returned to the bedroom, Sara yelled at Bruno as he lay there in the bed with shredded pieces of paper around his mouth.

Grissom chuckled. "Smart dog, Bruno! I owe you a chew toy."

_Yeah right! Stupid master._


	149. Chapter 149

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty:**

Grissom slammed the door as he sat down at his desk. _How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I check behind Ecklie? Because he has the job you should have. It's not your fault he should have been more careful! Damn!_

His body ached. He rubbed his shoulder followed by his knees. It had been a long night. He tried to work out the tension in his neck with little success. The past couple of weeks had been brutal. He had lost count of the number of doubles he had pulled. Laura had returned to San Francisco but was now in the process of selling her home. She had already checked with a realtor about the purchase of a small house near them.

Sara and Belle had fallen into a routine. Even Bruno was returning to normal getting used to the baby and alerting Sara when she woke. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes briefly. Ecklie had jumped at the offer made by Sara. She was practically doing all of the paperwork for both shifts freeing him up to work with the new recruits. _The new recruits. _

Ronnie was limited to fifty questions. He rubbed his knees as he remembered how he had spent the last two hours searching for evidence on an apartment floor. He was showing them a trick he had learned as a young CSI years ago. While it seemed easy enough, it had killed his knees. The others didn't notice. They were just too pleased to see the infamous Gil Grissom in action. It cost him now. He wasn't as young as his mind told him he was.

_Ecklie! Bastard!_

The lab had been in turmoil for weeks with Ecklie leading the witch hunt for the so called lost evidence when the man hadn't even taken the time to check the evidence to each case file. Had he done something so simple he would have seen that the Johnson evidence had been there all along except it had been placed with the wrong case number.

_I should have handled this myself. I would have caught it after Hodges completed his report. I would have prevented the mistake from growing… I let Ecklie take over. I should have just handled it even though it was his job. It never stopped me before…_

He blamed himself. He had left that day and went to the hospital to be with Sara and Belle. His choice was made but the consequences were painful. The evidence was finally located but not until the case had been dropped, the media contacted, Johnson set free and the lab in shambles.

_Johnson. _

The DA was scrambling to refile charges and Brass had been trying to locate Johnson but the man was could not be found.

_He's killed…he'll do it again…_

Grissom and his new team had spent the last few hours working a case that had all the markings of Johnson. He dropped off the evidence and hurried to his office hoping he would not hear what he thought would be the end result. A simple mistake had been made and a murderer had been set free only to kill again.

_A simple mistake…thousands of dollars of equipment and a simple mistake had let a murderer back on the streets…_

He groaned.

Catherine tapped at the door.

"Bad knees? What did you do crawl around on the floor instead of letting the young ones do it?"

He ignored the statement rubbing the minty muscle ointment into the joint before putting it away into his desk. He was still angry at himself.

"Grissom, I know you blame yourself for the Johnson case but look you were busy with Sara and the baby and you let Ecklie handle it."

"I think he may have been involved in the case tonight. I think Johnson's DNA is going to come back on this case tonight," said Grissom as he pulled out some pills from his desk popping them into his mouth while downing the bottled water.

"If he did, we'll get him. Look, you can't let his bother you. It was not your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's Ecklie's."

_Yes but I could have kept an innocent person alive if I had…._

"You made the right choice. You needed to be with your family."

"I know that but it doesn't change the fact that I have to tell a family that their daughter is now dead."

She saw the hurt in his eyes. _He's thinking like a father now…it's going to hurt more now…shit!_

"I'll do it," said Catherine.

He ignored the offer getting up and walking out the door. She followed after him not liking how he limped and seemed a bit over tired.

She stood in the conference room quietly lending her support to him as he told the older couple that their daughter had been murdered but they had retrieved sufficient evidence that would assist them in locating the suspect if his DNA were in their system.

She watched as his shoulders slumped when the couple left. There was a tap at the door and Hodges appeared. His expression was grim.

"It was him, wasn't it?" asked Grissom.

"Johnson's DNA matched the DNA found on the victim tonight."

Grissom cursed. Hodges glanced at Catherine who motioned for him to leave. She came and sat across from him.

"Why don't you take off early tonight? You've been working doubles. I think you need a rest."

He ignored her. He rose to his feet and began searching throughout the building. Catherine glanced at her watch and cursed.

"They passed Nick and Catherine snapped her fingers at him. Her expression made him follow. He grabbed Warrick along the way.

Grissom heard the other footsteps and suddenly stopped. "Get back to work!" He proceeded down the hall as the others stayed back.

"He's after Ecklie. Johnson raped and killed another woman tonight."

Warrick and Nick took off immediately. They caught him just as he rounded the corner running straight into Ecklie.

"Johnson raped and killed another girl," yelled Grissom.

Ecklie stood there in silence.

'This shouldn't have happened!"

Ecklie immediately went on the defensive, "I was only going on what your people told me. I had no idea they would miss something like…"

"My people? Why is it that it's my people when there's a screw up but when something goes right, it's your lab? The people who work here make the lab what it is, not you, not management. It was your job to look over the report and go through the steps. It was your job to make sure no one jumped to conclusions. If you had waited a few days longer perhaps my people would have caught the mistake but they were too busy jumping through hoops at your request while still doing their jobs!"

A small crowd had now appeared. Ecklie glanced around and said in a low voice. "We need to take this into my office, now!"

Grissom left him standing there. Warrick and Nick followed him as he headed out the door and into the parking lot. Once he was clear of the entry, he whirled around.

"Don't you have anything to do?" he said as he glared at them.

"Yeah like making sure you don't do anything stupid so we don't have to tell Sara how we stood by and did nothing," said Warrick.

He seemed to calm down at that moment running his fingers through his hair. He breathed out slowly forcing himself to calm down further.

"Sorry"

"Want one of us to drive you home? You look pretty tired," said Nick.

"I'm fine!"

They looked at one another.

"Look, I appreciate your concern. I'm going home."

They stood and watched as he drove away.

Nick and Warrick looked at one another.

"I'm calling Sara," said Nick.

"I'll let Cat and Greg know," said Warrick.

He stopped on the way home. He didn't even know why he did. He suddenly found himself parked in front of the liquor store and then he was back in the vehicle. He pulled up into their driveway and checked his watch. _They're still asleep._

He opened the bottle and took a sip. He hadn't drunk scotch since that night Sara had told him about the rape.

He sat there drinking for an hour before stepping out into the darkness. He stood and let the soft breeze hit his face as he leaned up against the vehicle. He glanced down at the bottle. It was half full. He cursed.

He fumbled with the keys and turned off the alarm. He made his way to the kitchen setting the bottle on the counter. He dropped his keys onto their usual spot along with the contents of his pockets and then stood there staring out into the backyard.

He took a glass from the shelf and poured himself another drink leaving the lid off the bottle as he held the glass in his hand ready to lift it to his lips. It was then that he saw her sitting in the chair. He closed his eyes and silently cursed.

He had hoped he could down another drink before heading to the bathroom. He had intended to shower and rinse his mouth in an effort to get rid of any evidence that he had been drinking. _Get rid of evidence…._ The thought made him chuckle quietly to himself.

Suddenly they stood face to face. Her expression of concern quickly turned to disappointment.

"Sara…"

She walked over taking out another glass and poured herself a glass but he immediately grabbed her wrist.

"Belle"

"Glad you remembered," she said as she took his glass from his hand and proceeded to pour both of them out. She then emptied the contents of the bottle in the sink dropping the bottle into the trash causing it to make a loud thud.

Belle's wails interrupted the anticipated argument and they quickly headed to the bedroom. Sara scooped her up and gently rocked her. Grissom sat on the bed. Belle continued to whimper as Sara softly tried to comfort her. She left him sitting there while she disappeared into the nursery quickly changing Belle.

She tried rocking the fussy baby but her wails continued. She returned to the bed room to find he had not moved. She sat down opening her gown and offered her breast but Belle refused.

"Has she been fussy?" he asked softly.

"No."

He thought he would try to comfort her but then remembered the alcohol on his breath and he was mortally embarrassed.

"I'm sorry Sara. This won't happen again."

"Nick called. I heard what happened."

"That doesn't excuse what I did."

"I know," she said softly. "But I understand."

He mumbled his apology again and then disappeared into the bathroom. Hearing the shower turn on, she went to the kitchen and made coffee, talking to Belle who continued to whimper.

She felt his presence but continued to gently rock the baby as she waited for the coffee to finish. Once it was done, she started to reach for a cup but he pulled her hand down, kissing the palm and pulling her into an embrace. She felt his tiredness.

She made him sit down while she poured the coffee. He reached for Belle but she refused to let him take her.

"You've been drinking."

The words hurt. She regretted them the moment she said them.

"I don't blame you."

He sat and drank the coffee while his eyes remained fixed on Belle. Sara continued to swing her back and forth trying to get her to stop the whimpering.

"Does she have a temp?"

"No"

"I'm sorry Sara. It's been a bad night…hell it's been a bad week."

"Stop telling me you're sorry, Gil. You're only human. It must have been hard telling the parents."

"I always went on autopilot when I had the responsibility of telling the next of kin. It never really got to me until tonight. I kept thinking that it could be us one day. That could be us being told Belle had…"

"Don't say that!" She didn't mean for it to come out so harsh.

"Come sit with us on the couch," she whispered. She took his hand and they sat there huddled closely with Belle. He gently took her tiny hand and held it. She continued to whimper as he quietly began to talk softly to her:

"I love thee, I love but thee; with a love that shall not die; till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old." 

"Bayard Taylor," smiled Sara

Belle kicked her legs and began to cry.

"Did she nurse?"

"No."

"Could I try?" he asked. "I'll be careful."

She placed the baby in his arms and he brought her up to lay close to him gently patting her on the back. She continued to wail. He spoke softly to her over and over and she quieted for awhile. He patted her back while he told her about the different species of butterflies. He smiled when he saw her tiny eyes flutter and then close. Within a few minutes, she was asleep.

"I think she missed you. I don't think she understands the double shifts," said Sara.

"Neither do I," he said as he closed his eyes. She gently took the baby and placed her back in the bassinet. By the time she returned, he was already asleep. She stood there and wondered if she should wake him but knew he would be in agony from sleeping on the couch.

She gently woke him leading him to the bed. Pulling up the covers, she sat there awhile and caressed his cheek with her hand. She saw the lines of tension slowly begin to relax. She pulled out his new book and began to read silently to herself while he slept.

_Chapter One. You're baby has finally arrived. You probably have lot's of unanswered questions…you bet like when do I have to give back the size C boobs. _She smirked. She glanced over at Grissom and continued reading.

The double shifts continued. Sara was a bit annoyed. The six week check up came and went and yet there was no celebration. She huffed. In order to celebrate the ability to have a sex life one would have to have a partner. She had a partner. He just wasn't home much anymore.

She had called and begged Catherine to force Grissom to take some days off. She had managed to get him to take a night off citing an influx of 419s. When he dragged himself home finally, he had collapsed into the bed. Her new night gown was quickly removed and replaced with comfortable sweats and top.

She kissed him gently knowing that he needed sleep more than sex. She on the other hand took a shower, a very cold shower. She sat there and watched him sleeping. She stared at the baby and decided it was finally time. She had been telling him the way things were going were not working and she needed to get away. He had nodded his approving way and dozed off on the couch.

She crossed her arms in defiance and decided tomorrow, she would finally make good on her threat. She was going to leave.

Note from author:

I have really enjoyed the reviews! Please continue to leave them and take care! Penny


	150. Chapter 150

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty One:**

She left him. She told him she would but still Grissom had refused to think that she would follow through with it. He still did not believe her until he heard the front door open and then close. Bruno now sat at the front door whining. He sat there in the chair and his mind wandered through the past year. She had been trying to prepare him for this moment and yet he never thought she would actually do it. _Not Sara. Not my Sara. _

And yet, her absence proved she had carried out her plan to leave him alone. He had begged her just the other day to stay. He had used all of the excuses. _I need you. I don't know what I'm doing without you. I can't survive without you. You can't just leave like this_…but she did anyway.

He thought he would panic if he truly let himself think about the "what ifs." He sat there and waited. For some reason he thought she would come barreling back in telling him she had made a mistake and that she would never leave him alone like this again. He sat. He waited. She didn't come.

He didn't know if he was strong enough for this. Sure, he had known all long it would someday happen but no matter how much he tried to prepare himself for the inevitable, he just wasn't ready.

He thought if he sat there very still then nothing would change. Everything would be the same as if she was still with him. The notion was absurd however and soon the fallacy of it came to light.

He heard a slight whimper and rushed to stop it. He had to. It was his job. He scooped up Sara Belle and held her tightly against his chest. The whimper was silenced. He looked into that sweet angelic face and his heart skipped a beat.

He would die for her. He would gladly give her anything her heart desired. He skewered his brain for just the right verse of stanza but nothing expressed this overwhelming sense of immortality that came over him.

It was the ringing of his cell that brought him out of his awe. He looked at the caller Id and smiled. She had been away for just a few minutes and already she was calling.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Is she still asleep?"

"She whimpered a little….she's okay…I'm holding her now. I'll hold her as long as she wants me to."

There was a silence between them.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Get off the front porch and go for that walk. We'll be fine." He heard her smile through the phone and then a click. She had done it. She had left him…with her. He smiled at the other woman in his life and it felt right…oh so right.

It was on this same day that Sara put Belle down for her afternoon nap and she curled herself up next to Gil as he rested on the bed. She had no sooner lay down beside him than he was tugging at her clothes.

Within minutes the clothes were discarded and he was placing passionate kisses along her neck. He gently touched one of her nipples and she warned him.

"Have you read Chapter three?"

"Yes, I have. I'm not afraid. I'm up for adventure if you are," she giggled at his response.

He made love to her slowly easing his way ever so gently inside her until he thought he would slowly go insane. He whispered her name in her ear as they reclaimed their intimacy between one another. More than once, she whispered for him to slow down, to catch his breath. He smiled and forged onward until they were both spiraling into oblivion.

"I've missed this," she said softly.

"Me too," he said.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"We're going to have to start putting her in the baby bed."

"I'll push it in here tomorrow."

She poked him.

"She needs to start sleeping in the nursery."

"Are we ready for this?"

"We have the baby monitor."

"Sara?"

"Would you mind if we kept her in here just a little while longer?"

She smiled. She hoped he would say that.

**Note from author:**

What can I say? I love the geeks….give the reviews so we can move forward. Some have been asking when the finale will come up and I can say I will be sure and give you fair warning when I have posted the last five chapters.

Rest assured, there will be no character deaths! That would be nuts…Some have asked if I plan to do a sequel and the answer is no. I do plan to post a short story every now and then but I need to focus on something else right now…being a sensitive in the paranormal world LOL Anyway, if the show starts up (pray it doesn't for this year so Jorja will have a long extended time away) I may pick back up where the show left off with GSR provided they keep GSR….I just don't know. Take care! Penny


	151. Chapter 151

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty One:**

Belle's three month mark came and went. Sara was already on the work schedule and yet she had not made any childcare arrangements for Belle. She had viewed the daycares near the office and while they would have been convenient, she did not like the thought of a stranger keeping her.

She had formulated a long list of dislikes before she had even entered the place for a spot check. Once inside, she came to the conclusion she just was not prepared to let go yet. She had lain awake many nights wondering if she was doing the right thing by returning to work. If things were different at the lab, she would be content to stay at home with Belle but things were progressively getting worse. She sighed.

Laura had become a big help. She came over and assisted with dinner teaching Sara a few family dishes. She was learning the role of grandmother as Sara was accepting her in the role of mother. While dishes were washed and laundry done, the two found time to spend time together while Belle slept.

It was a time of talks and their own form of sessions. Some were painful while others were humorous. With each passing day, trust was built and forgiveness given. A day actually came when Sara even ventured out to the market leaving Belle with Laura. Of course the phone helped.

"Mom?"

"How is she?"

"She's sleeping Sara."

A long pause….

"Mom?"

"Yes, dear."

"I'm just pulling up to the grocery store."

"Good."

Another long pause.

"Mom?"

"How much juice is in the fridge?"

A pause.

"I think you should get some."

Another long pause.

"Sara?"

"Yes! Mom, I'm right here. Is anything wrong?"

"No, I was just going to suggest that you hang up while you shop."

"No! that's okay. I don't mind."

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"You're a good mom."

"Thanks."

Another long pause.

"Sara?"

"Yeah? Is she awake?"

"No, I was just going to say, you have a nice voice. I like the humming. I don't recognize the song but I love your voice."

"Thanks…I uhm I'm on my way home."

"Good."

When she arrived home Laura was anxiously waiting for her at the door. A feeling of dread came over Sara as she discarded the bags at the door.

"What's wrong?"

"She smiled," said Laura.

"Mother, she's been smiling. It's most likely gas," said Sara as she picked up the bags once again and headed to the kitchen.

"No! She smiled. She stopped and then when I showed her that big red and black bug toy she smiled," exclaimed Laura.

Sara dropped the bags once again and headed to the nursery. She stared down at Belle in the crib and smiled. Belle turned and looked at Sara making direct eye contact with her. She kicked her legs and then smiled. Sara grinned.

"Well, I'm not sure if that counts but…"

"Watch Sara!"

Laura picked up the bug toy and showed it to Belle. She immediately smiled. Once the toy was removed from sight, she stopped smiling. Laura waited a few minutes and then showed her the toy once again bringing a smile to Belle's face. Laura jumped in excitement.

"See!"

Sara gawked. Her daughter's first smile had been witnessed by someone else. She took the toy and tried it herself only to get the same results. Sara smiled. Her daughter could now smile.

She cried when she told Grissom that night feeling guilty for going to the store.

"Sara, when you go back to work, there's going to be other milestones that you may miss. Are you sure you want to return?" _No, I'm not but I'm worried about you…about us…_

His statement made her blue. Oh she knew she didn't have to return to work but she knew that Grissom needed her at the lab. He would never admit it but the long hours and double shifts with sleepless nights told her different.

With each passing day Sara was able to relinquish some of the care of Belle to the others. The most difficult challenge came when the guys insisted on keeping Belle so Grissom could take Sara out to a movie and dinner. When Sara refused the offer, Catherine was thrown into the deal. Of course the guys had no intention of making Catherine stay but if it would get Sara out of the house then what was a small white lie. Right? Wrong.

She cried the moment they stepped out. Within an hour the guys were frazzled. Belle was suddenly passed from one set of hands to the next. It was their urgent call that made Catherine show up to assist with the wailing child.

"You don't need me guys. You're doing fine," she chucked as Belle continued to wail in Nick's arms.

"Look Cath, we've tried everything. She won't stop crying. She wants them," whined Nick.

"Okay, if I agree to stay then the next decomp goes to you guys, right?"

She looked around to ensure all heads with in agreement.

"Good. Give her to me."

Catherine took Belle and began rocking her back and forth. Nothing.

She tried cradling her while rubbing her tummy. Nothing.

She tried patting her back for gas. Nothing.

The rocking, the bottle in the fridge, the toys etc. nothing.

"You think we should try calling Laura?" asked Catherine.

"We've already tried. She's not at home. She's probably out with Heather," said Greg.

It was the phone call that made them cringe. Sara.

Nick grabbed the phone and ran out onto the deck. "Sara! How's dinner?"

"Fine. How's Belle?"

"She's almost asleep," lied Nick.

"Good. Has she been fussy?"

"No"

"Good. If she gets fussy, just give her the red and black lady bug. It's her favorite. Oh and there's a tape of one of Grissom's lectures. She likes to hear his voice." Click.

Nick hurried back in.

"Find the lady bug!"

Greg disappeared and returned with the bug in hand. He quickly handed it to Catherine. Belle's wailing began to slow.

"Good, we're making progress here."

"Find a tape of Grissom's lectures," said Nick.

"You've got to be kidding me!" said Catherine.

Greg saw the small cassette player sitting on the nursery table.

"Got it!"

He clicked it on and they all grinned as Belle began to smile as Grissom's voice filled the air.

"Please!" laughed Catherine.

"Hey, can we get credit for listening to this?" asked Greg.

"Probably not because it will put us all to sleep within a few minutes," chuckled Warrick.

They were late returning. Sara was relieved to find Belle fast asleep in Nick's arms when they arrived.

"How was she?" asked Sara.

"Let's just say she's definitely a daddy's girl," said Catherine.

Grissom and Sara saw the small player sitting on the coffee table and they chuckled.

"You know, we need to get another recording. I'm really getting sick of that lecture."

"Tell us about it," whined Greg.

"Good night Greg," said Grissom.

Note from author:

I'm going to be posting a lot so enjoy the chapters. I only request that you review each chapter! Take care! Penny


	152. Chapter 152

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty two:**

Sara returned to work and Laura was given the job of caring for Belle. Heather dropped in from time to time for tea although Laura knew she was checking up on her. She didn't mind. They had become friends eventually sharing in their stories of the loss of loved ones. There came a certain respect for what each had endured. Of course Brass became quite a discussion piece.

The shifts were difficult. Sara had been assigned to swing while Grissom worked between the two shifts. Ecklie was still waiting for the fall out from the Johnson fiasco. He kept a low profile around Grissom and kept firm with his determination to place the blame on someone else. In truth, it was a simple lab error but it was an error that Ecklie should have caught. In the end, Grissom blamed himself more than anyone.

It was there each time he entered the lab until he left for home but now he was finding it difficult for him to leave the guilt at work. Sometimes Sara would find him sitting quietly outside. When asked what kept him from sleep he would merely pull her up close kissing her tenderly before begging her to make love to him.

The news of the lawsuit was no one's surprise. Grissom had been waiting for it to happen. It came one afternoon. He hadn't even been in his office when it was delivered but found it sitting in his inbox. He fumed when he saw his name in bold letters on the copy of the suit. He fumed even more when he noticed that Ecklie was not mentioned.

He stormed upstairs talking with their legal counsel. He grew angry when he was told that the parents were led to believe he had handled the case from the beginning and yet while his team had investigated the murder, Johnson being set free was squarely on Ecklie's shoulders.

He had requested his leave and it had been approved. His name would be removed from the lawsuit once the depositions were taken. In the mean time the media had gotten a copy of the lawsuit and Grissom became their target. The truth was not important when they were determined to meet their six o'clock deadlines.

It would have been easy for Grissom to simply state on camera that he had been on leave and the Johnson case had been handled by Ecklie but Grissom was not permitted to talk about the case in public. His "no comment" infuriated the reporters. It also infuriated those that knew Grissom had nothing to do with the mistake.

He told himself if it had been one of the team he would have told them to let it go. He now knew how empty or uncomforting his words had been to others in the past. He had never had to face the fact that his decision had cost a life. _She looked liked Belle. She had curly hair…those blue eyes…_

He had become moody. He had become needy searching for her at work or at home. He knew she was getting worried. He found himself needing to talk with her but then not finding the words once he came face to face. He would simply smile and walk away. Sara took notice of the long hours and the tiredness in his voice each time he dragged himself home. They saw very little of each other at home only passing from time to time in the hallway. Each would try to steal as much time as they could with Belle who was happily thriving.

There had been an influx of quits lately and Grissom was now trying to patch an almost sinking ship. She knew he was determined to put the lab back on top. She also knew that he would not stop until he had accomplished that.

It was the reason she began working long hours at work thinking the pressure of the job was keeping him awake at home. She had hoped if their unit was able to work over they would make it easier for Grissom. While it did, it made him work harder wanting to keep up with the others. The pace at times made him lightheaded and he was caught on more than one occasion trying to catch his breath as the others hurried throughout the lab.

Sara herself was having a difficult time dealing with the odd hours. They had never really thought about how their work schedule would impact Belle. For the moment it impacted them the most. Belle was thriving, hitting each milestone well above normal but then who would expect a child of theirs to be anything but normal, she was going to be brilliant and beautiful.

He had not felt well at the beginning of the shift and thus skipped breakfast. He knew he had not been himself lately but then again he had never pushed himself this far. He needed to make things right. _How do I that? How do I turn back the clock and correct what was taken. _

_curly hair… blue eyes…_

He wiped the sweat from his forehead as he sighed when Brass stood outside his door. He knew it was another body. _Damn! I just wanted to get through this shift without working another scene._

He had ridden with Greg. The offer had been given and he had accepted. He leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. Greg glanced in his direction from time to time. He was worried. He had never seen Grissom so tired before.

He drove the speed limit trying to give him a few more minutes of rest. He cursed when he saw the media standing there waiting like vultures to begin the badgering. Little did they know they were about to walk onto another scene much like the Johnson case.

He nudged him gently when they arrived. He watched as Grissom wiped the sweat from his forehead. He thought it was strange that he would feel hot when the air was actually cool. Greg picked up both kits and was disappointed when he felt Grissom take one from his hand. He knew it would be pointless to protest.

Despite the yellow tape being extended an additional five hundred feet at the crime scene it did not hinder the reporters' ability to shout. The gang stood and listened as the constant badgering by the reporters took their toll on Grissom. Perhaps it had been the double shifts or the lack of sleep for the past thirty six hours that Grissom suddenly found himself struggling to focus.

He knelt and surveyed the body as Catherine stood nearby. As the evidence was collected it was clear the similarities in the case made him think of Johnson. He ignored the whispers from the team. He was aware they had come to the same conclusion.

He just hoped the media would stay clear so they could finish and he could leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to go home. He needed to see Belle. It was when he stood that he felt the strange sensation.

He thought it was odd that Nick was now racing toward him. He looked down and noticed he had fallen down to his knees. He wondered what had made him trip. He struggled to get up but his legs would not cooperate.

"Grissom!" yelled Nick as he grabbed his arm for support.

He carefully leaned Grissom up against a wall pulling out his water and handing it to Grissom.

"Drink slowly."

He did as he was told.

"Griss, can you tell me what happened?"

"Nicky, I'm fine. I'm just exhausted."

"Hell yes you are! I'm calling an ambulance…"

"I don't need an ambulance. Help me up…"

"Keep your ass on the floor. Warrick!"

Grissom closed his eyes at the shouting. His head was pounding. He suddenly felt chilled. Warrick was now crouched on the other side of Grissom.

"What happened?"

"Grissom passed out," said Nick. "We need to get him to the hospital."

"I'm not going to any hospital. Warrick help me up!"

Nick shook his head. Warrick understood.

"Hey look Griss. You don't look good man. How bout we take you to get checked out?"

"I'm getting up," he started to move but found himself being pushed back down.

"Want us to pull rank on you and call Sara?" threatened Nick.

"Nicky, I over did it. I'll admit it. I just need a decent night's rest. If you'll help me up so we can finish then I'll leave when we're done."

"You're done, now!" said Catherine as she knelt down. "What happened?"

"Griss passed out," said Nick. He motioned for Catherine to take his pulse but Grissom was already pulling away.

"I didn't pass out. I lost my balance and ended up on the floor. I'm tired. That's all."

"You're going home now. Brass will drive," said Catherine. "We can finish up here."

"I'm staying."

"Call Sara," said Catherine.

"Don't!" pleaded Grissom.

"Then go home," said Catherine.

Warrick reappeared with Brass beside him.

"Grissom, get your ass in my car or I'm calling for an ambulance. What's it going to be?" asked Brass.


	153. Chapter 153

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty Three:**

They helped him up, but he insisted he walk out on his own with Nick and Warrick following along beside him. Once inside the car, he gave way to the pain and the exhaustion.. His knees were on fire. He knew it was from the fall. He felt Jim's eyes on him but he refused to make eye contact.

"It's just you and me here now. What the hell happened back there?" asked Brass.

"I'm tired. I lost my balance…"

"Bullshit. I've been watching you for months now. You're gonna wind up on a slab if you don't slow down. Any tightness in your chest? Lightheaded? Nausea? Sweating?"

He didn't answer. He had three out of the four and his answer was sure to make him end up in the emergency room.

"Take me home. I just need to rest."

"I'm calling Doc."

"I don't need to see Doc."

"Want to see the inside of an emergency room again?"

He was silent. He knew it was futile to argue. Besides, he was too tired to argue. He closed his eyes and rested. He was surprised how quickly they arrived at the townhouse. They were met by Laura.

"I wasn't expecting you," she began.

"Grissom got a little sick on the job so I brought him home. I'll make sure he's okay. Go back to bed."

She disappeared into the guest room. Grissom walked into the nursery and checked on Belle. She was sleeping sound. He felt himself being prodded to the bedroom and so he went. He practically collapsed onto the bed not bothering to remove his shoes.

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't call her."

"She's going to find out."

"Fine. Tell her I came home exhausted."

"That is it, isn't it?" _Hell no and you're too stubborn to admit it!_

"She doesn't need to worry. Please."

"If you let me have Doc take a look at you then I won't say anything. Deal?"

"Fine."

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"Kid looks like me more and more."

He smiled. He was asleep within minutes.

Brass took off the shoes and then sat at the edge of the bed. He waited for the light knock at the front door. He stood and watched as Doc Robbins examined Grissom.

"His blood pressure seems a bit high. I don't like his pulse. Did he actually pass out?"

"Not sure. Nicky just said he saw Grissom collapse to his knees. He would have fallen completely out if it had not been for Nick being so close to him."

"Well, I think he needs to see his regular physician and have some tests run. He's in no position to be fooling around with his family history."

"What family history?" asked Brass.

"His father dropped dead when he was fifty one. Heart attack. Grissom's grandfather died young also."

"I'll stay with him until Sara gets home," said Brass.

"Good and tell him the next time I make a house call I want to be able to see Belle."

Brass patted him on the back as he left.

She arrived an hour later having heard that Grissom had fallen ill and was sent home. She was met by Brass at the door.

"Hey, kiddo. He's sleeping."

"Want to tell me your version cause I'm sure somewhere beneath the bullshit I've been told so far lies the truth."

"Did I ever tell you how cute you look when you're pissed?" he said as he handed her a cup of coffee.

"Spill it."

"He ran himself into the ground. He's exhausted. He says he lost his balance and fell while Nick says he passed out."

She looked at him trying to read his expression.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Anything else? Cause if I find out you're hiding anything I'm going to be really pissed."

"Scouts honor," _I never was in the scouts…_

"You've never been a boy scout." _Shit!_

He began to stir and the conversation was dropped. Sara was there by his side instantly.

"Hey, I thought I would come home early so I could spend some time with you."

"Shut up and go back to sleep. If you promise me you're rest for the next two days I promise I won't kick your ass."

He grinned.

He kissed her palm and was asleep again. She sighed. She yawned herself. She quietly checked on Belle. Brass took advantage and followed.

"I told Grissom she's looking more and more like me everyday."

Sara smiled. "She's beautiful isn't she?"

"Yes, she is. If he gives you any grief about resting, call me." He hugged her tight before letting himself out.

He felt restless on the drive back. He had kicked himself mentally for not telling Sara but he could see she just as exhausted as Grissom. Two days of rest might help both of them. He thought of the information he had learned from Doc Robbins and knew that his friend was in trouble.


	154. Chapter 154

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty Four:**

Laura let them sleep. She moved about the house quietly fixing cereal for Belle and playing with outside until it was her naptime. She had heard voices outside her bedroom door that night and knew that someone else had come to see Grissom. She didn't snoop. She was relieved when she heard Sara's soon after.

When they didn't stir after ten hours, she gently knocked on the bedroom door. She heard a slight scurrying of feet before Sara appeared.

"Is Belle okay?"

"She's fine, Sara. I was a little worried about you and Grissom." Sara turned and looked at Grissom. He had barely moved all night.

"He's exhausted. I'm going to let him sleep for as long as his body needs it."

"I'm glad. I was a little worried when I heard the other voice last night."

"What voice?"

"Someone came to see Grissom. I heard him talking to Jim. He sounded like a close friend."

She looked at her watch and was surprised she had slept so long. She played with Belle for awhile before showering and laying back down with him. She was a bit worried when he remained asleep after twelve hours.

It was his phone ringing that made her jump. She quickly grabbed it and saw that it was the lab.

"Hey, this is Sara. Griss is asleep," said Sara

It was Hodges.

"The lab results are in on the case from last night. It's an unknown," said Hodges.

"Are you sure? Nick said they thought it might be Johnson…"

The name stirred him from his sleep.

"We're sure. I ran it twice. It wasn't Johnson. I thought Grissom would want to know. I thought he needed to know," said Hodges softly.

"Thanks, Hodges. Thanks for calling." She hung up and looked at him. He slowly pulled himself up trying to fully wake.

"Go back to sleep. It was just Hodges letting us know the lab results came back as an unknown from the case you were working last night."

"But.."

"He ran it twice Gil. We all know what you thought. It wasn't Johnson."

He seemed to sigh in relief.

"How do you feel?"

"Better."

"Bullshit."

He grinned. He started to get up but she blocked his exit from the bed.

"If you're getting up to shower and eat, that's fine. If you think for a minute you're going back to the lab forget it."

"I was going to the bathroom. I really need to go and then I was going to slip in and see Belle for a moment."

She grinned this time.

"Bathroom, shower, breakfast and then Belle. That order. Besides, she's napping."

She let him up. She sat on the bed and listened for the shower to turn on. Once she knew he was inside, she locked the bedroom door and then joined him. It had been awhile since they had showered together. She washed him taking her time as she watched him lean against the shower wall. She knew he was still exhausted. He offered to wash her but she made him leave kissing him gently as he stepped out.

She finished and found him back on the bed with eyes closed. She lay down beside him trying not to wake him.

"I'm awake Sara."

"I'll get breakfast," she said softly.

"Wait. Lay here with me. We seem to not get these moments much."

"We had ten hours last night."

"Must be why I slept so well," he said aloud.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Mom said someone came by last night while Jim was here."

"Jim made Doc come by and make sure I was okay. I'm okay."

"You need to slow down."

"I will."

"Promise me"

He started to reply when they heard Belle.

He smiled. "I've missed her."

He was out of the room before she could stop him. He had not promised. She followed him watching him pick up Belle kissing her on her tummy while she smiled and tried to grasp his hair.

They ate breakfast then spent the rest of the day playing with Belle.

"I think she's going to crawl early," said Sara.

"It wouldn't surprise me," he said. "She does take after me."

It made her grin and she resisted giving him a reply.

The two days came and went. He was back at work at a slower pace. He didn't have much of a choice as the others were alerted to watch him. And they did. She popped in more often checking on him and taking as many files for her unit as possible.

It was their second day back that Sara was given the promotion offer. She stood at the doorway waiting for him to look up.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"I've been asked to supervise the swing shift."

"Not surprising. You've been doing the work since you came back. I think you should take it."

They were now equals. She stared at him for a moment before leaving. She accepted it hesitantly. They were both now entrenched in bringing the lab back to its number two spot.

The depositions came and went. Grissom's name was removed from the suit. Two clerks were fired. There were rumors of in house suspensions. Ecklie remained hidden in his office. The politics were now being played within the department. The team waited to see the outcome.

It was after a long shift that Grissom found he had been summoned for a meeting. He arrived late and seemed a bit perplexed when he saw Ecklie excuse himself from the meeting refusing to make eye contact with Grissom.

It was only a few minutes later that he found out the reason for Ecklie's departure. Grissom was being handed a written warning. He stared at the document trying to focus on it wishing he had brought his glasses. He looked at the others for an explanation. There was none other than someone needed to take responsibility. Someone would have to take the heat for the error. The heat would be shared by Ecklie and Grissom.

He left without a comment returning to his office as though nothing had occurred. He threw the piece of paper onto his desk and rummaged for the latest file before heading to the lab. He acted as though it had never happened.

He ignored the stares as well as the whispers. Nothing was confidential when there was a grapevine. He found himself working side by side with Greg sorting through evidence when she located him. He saw her look and knew that she was there to discuss what had happened.

He brushed her off stating he needed to finish the work. He knew she was angry but then again she had been angry a lot lately. Most of the time it was directed at him and other times at herself. When he was finished, he made his daily phone call to Brass hoping against hope that Johnson had been located. The answer was the same as yesterday and the day before that. Johnson had dropped off the face of earth or at least in Vegas.

He chose to work a double rather than go home to discuss the reprimand with her. It was his turn to become angry when she chose to stay and wait for him to take a break so they could discuss it. He chose to go out into the field and work a case with Warrick rather than face her. She chose to show up on the scene demanding that they talk. The lines were drawn.


	155. Chapter 155

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty Five:**

He chose to finish the case and then drive away leaving her cursing under her breath. She filed the appeal on his behalf actually forging his name on the appeals form and dropping it into Ecklie's inbox. She returned to her unit and the cases ignoring the buzzing of her phone when it lit up with their name. G_rissom_

She chose to work a double rather than go home to discuss the forgery. It was her turn to become angry when he appeared in her office locking the door behind him. The song and dance was now coming to an end. He tossed the appeal form on her desk.

"I don't need you to fight my battles."

"I don't need you to roll over and play dead."

"I'm not."

"You don't deserve that warning. It's not fair and it has no merit. You know you're going to win in appeal."

"So what?"

"What? This is going into your permanent record. Believe me, I know. I have a whole slew of them."

"And yet, you were still promoted." _Damn, good point._

"I deserved most of them but you don't deserve this."

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes! It does."

"I'm not going to fight this."

"Yes, you are."

"No! I'm not."

"I'm worried about you. This case is getting to you."

"Yes, Sara it is. We let a killer on the streets who's going to kill again. I just hope you get it." He was gone as quickly as he arrived leaving her standing there. She wanted to go after him but both were too heated to discuss it rationally.

Belle's six month mark arrived. She was now babbling constantly and stealing cuddles from the guys on her visits to the office. Sara had witnessed her rolling over. She had wished Grissom had been there to witness it but he had been asleep after a hard shift. The tension remained between them but they seemed to hide it most of the time from the others.

The warning was not mentioned again. The work seemed to ease a bit. The only time they felt that things were right between them was when they were able to find themselves awake in bed together. It wasn't often. Sara was beginning to hate the swing shift. While the team was progressing, she missed working with the others. She missed Grissom.

It felt strange to admit that since they ran into each other more often now in the lab but it was not the same. It had not been the same since the Johnson case. She felt him slowly pulling away. He spoke little about the case now and the only time she knew it crossed his mind was when a 419 would be called in that fit the same M.O.

They both seemed to carry guilt for the hours they worked and worried about the eventual impact it would have on Belle. While Laura was taking excellent care of her, they both knew a grandmother was no substitute for a parent. Sara weaned Belle at the end of the sixth month because of the breast feeding issues while out in the field. She had felt guilty until Catherine had mentioned she had stopped then.

She took solace in that and even mentioned it to Grissom who was disappointed in her decision. It was those discussions that she felt the cracks in their relationship growing. She attempted to have a session with him but he dismissed them stating there wasn't time.

He was right. Time was becoming a precious commodity between them. Their personal relationship seemed to be put on hold due to the crazy work schedules and their longing to spend what little time they had at home with Belle. For a married couple with difficult professions and a small infant, their sex life was something to brag about.

She would be worried about them if it were not his desire for her in bed. He initiated the lovemaking each time. Sometimes she could feel him watching her. When she would step out of a shower, he would be there to towel dry her off and then spend the next hour making love to her in the bathroom.

There were times when she would roll over in bed and find him staring up at the ceiling, not sure if he had been asleep at all but once he had been discovered he would begin making love to her. They clung to the intimacy, each needing only what the other could provide particularly after a hard shift. It wasn't the physical need as much as the emotional need.

It was Belle's nine month mark that made her stop and assess their relationship. With each coupling now, she felt there was a need within him that she couldn't seem to satisfy. The hunger remained even after a bout of lovemaking. She secretly thought he was growing tired of her and it was these thoughts that made her sad. Her sadness led to his anger.

They hid their problems from the others. They both insisted on including the others in Belle's life. While they tried to have regular get togethers at the townhouse their schedule got in the way. It was then that Laura began bringing Belle to the office for visits. She would time them around dinner letting her nap so she would be awake to visit with the gang.

The gang celebrated Belle's first words as well as her crawling. She became a regular fixture at the lab brightening everyone's outlook. Grissom was the happiest to see her, taking her into his arms and cuddling with her as she giggled and pulled at his hair while obsessively saying "dada" over and over. "Mama" was said in the presence of Sara one shift and she exploded into glee.

They had celebrated with dinner at the diner. It seemed like old times until the call came that there was a body. It was those moments with the gang that seemed to help Sara get through each night. Grissom felt the same. It was nearing Belle's first birthday when Johnson reappeared in Vegas.


	156. Chapter 156

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty Six:**

It felt different this time. Grissom stared at the initial report and knew that it was Johnson. Johnson had indeed returned to Vegas and left a body as a calling card. Sara's unit had been called out to the scene and as they began to process it, Grissom arrived.

"We've got this covered," said Sara as she surveyed the point of entry into the home.

"Two heads are better than one," he said.

"Not when you're about to work into a double. We don't need you."

"I'm already here."

"Sorry you came out here for nothing but again we don't need you. Who called you anyway?"

He didn't reply. He looked around locating the body and was headed to the bedroom when she stepped into his path.

"Bye, Grissom."

They stood face to face as a moment of silence passed between them.

"Is there a problem?" asked Brass.

"No. I was just going to check the body," said Grissom as he walked past her.

"Go near that body and I'll file a complaint," threatened Sara.

"You forget my file isn't as thick as yours," he said as he continued.

Brass could see the anger building.

"Look, you two love birds. There are too many chiefs and not enough Indians on this sight. I think you need to leave Grissom. Sara can handle it."

Grissom ignored the comment and proceeded forward.

"You'll be the first to know if it's him," said Sara.

The statement made him turn and look at her. He turned and started to take a step forward when he heard her, "Grissom, please."

He found himself sitting in the Denali. He had walked right past her without saying a word. There wasn't even a hint of his disapproval of her violation of the rules. He just left.

He heard the side door open and then he was no longer alone.

"I'm worried about you," said Brass

He chuckled out loud.

"Niceties don't fit your character," said Grissom as he looked at Brass.

"Okay, how about this. Where the hell to do you get off showing up at a crime scene uninvited and then trying to throw your weight around to get access to the body?"

"I wasn't throwing my weight around…"

"No, you were being an ass to your wife. Your wife, Gilbert."

"Is there a purpose to this discussion?"

"Get your head out of your ass and pay attention. Your behavior is hurting Sara."

He was silent. He knew that. He could see it every time he made love to her. He had tried to show her his feelings rather than formulate the words not wanting to expose his true feelings. With words he knew she would try to analyze any meaning behind them. He didn't need anyone to analyze what he already did day after day, night after night.

"Let it go. The Johnson case isn't worth your marriage. Let it go."

"You know that's his handy work in there."

"Gee, are you some kind of psychic now? Don't need your microscope and little gadgets to find out who committed the crimes?"

"The evidence will…"

"If it does, it does. You need to let it go. You know if you keep this up, I'm going to request you be restricted from the case."

Their eyes met.

"I can throw my weight around too. Let's see who backs down now."

Brass opened the door and shut it.

Loyalty lines were being drawn within the lab. While Sara insisted that all information regarding the Johnson case be given to her, there were still others who secretly kept Grissom up to date on the latest developments. He passed Brass in the hall staring intently at him letting him know he already knew the results of the lab results making Brass curse as he headed to Sara's office.

"It was Johnson, wasn't it?" he asked as he closed the door.

"How did you find out?"

"I passed Grissom in the hallway. It was the look he gave me. Somebody told him," said Brass as he sat down.

"Hodges. I'm going to…"

"You're gonna what? Get him in trouble? Why? They were loyal to Grissom long before you got in that seat. You can't expect them to suddenly fall at your feet and do what you say. Look, this thing that's going on between the two of you right now, is not good for the department. You two need to sit down and work it out."

He was gone. Sara sat and stared at the results. She wondered what would now be the fall out of this latest development.

It was Ecklie's resignation.

The grapevine was in a flurry of whispers as he boxed up his stuff and was gone by the end of the shift. The revelation was mind boggling. She knew better than to try to talk with him at the office. Their talk would have to wait even if she had to stay up another twenty four hours to come face to face with him without having the bed sheets involved.

The twenty four hours came and went. He purposely avoided talking with her about the ramifications of Ecklie's departure. It was the announcement of Catherine Willows as the new head of the department that caused the blow up. While he had been offered the job, he had turned it down flat. Catherine had even talked with him in private begging him to take the position but he refused stating he didn't like the politics of the job nor the additional headache. He had been convincing.

They had argued the moment they came face to face with one another that night. He had wanted to make love to her but she had pulled away insisting they talk. He refused stating he declined the job like he had done so many times before.

'That job belongs to you," she said. "It always has."

"Catherine tried to persuade me to take it but I've never wanted the job. I'm happy where I am."

"At least one of us is happy!"

It hurt. She knew it. He had turned away. She wasn't even given the chance to apologize when their beepers went off. It was work. She told herself she was going to work it out right after shift. She was surprised when she came home to find his suitcase packed and sitting at the door.


	157. Chapter 157

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty Seven:**

"Were you just going to leave without telling me?"

"Something came up and I just found out about it. I'll only be gone a night or two," he said as he held Belle in his arms.

Sara started to take her from him but she grabbed his neck babbling dada until she thought he intended to take her with him.

"Gil…"

"I've never been away from her…I know working doubles but not like this…She's getting so big so fast…one minute we're bringing her home and now she's one."

"She's fifteen months old. Talk to me," she whispered. She cursed when Laura entered the room.

"Mom, could you give us a minute?"

"Do you want me to take Belle?" she asked quietly. Grissom kissed her before handing her over to Laura. They waited until the nursery door closed.

"Going to tell me where you're going?"

"It's something I need to handle. I promise I'll be back in two days at the most." He tried to pull her into an embrace but she pushed him away.

"Does it have something to do with the Johnson case?"

"No, it doesn't."

"Then what?"

"Two days. I'll be back." He tried once more to hug her but her arms blocked him.

"I don't know what's happened to us. We don't talk anymore. You plan a trip and refuse to tell me where you're going…."

"Sara, trust me on this…"

"Trust? That's all I've done for the past year is trust that you would let this Johnson case go but it's driving us apart. It happened dammit! Get over it!"

His jaw twitched. Her admission that there were marital problems caused his blood pressure to soar. He closed his eyes forcing himself to calm down before replying.

"When I get back, we'll talk. I need to leave now."

"Why? Is it a flight?"

He answered before thinking, "yes."

"I'll drive you."

"That's not necessary."

"I don't mind."

"Sara! I don't want you to drive me." His voice echoed in the room. He saw the hurt cross her face and suddenly he didn't care if she tried to pull away he intended to hold her. He grabbed her kissing her urgently.

It was her "stop" that made him release her. Suddenly he felt like he had been slapped and he stepped back taking a ragged breath.

"We can't do this anymore…not until we talk…this doesn't fix anything…I'm not even sure what it is any more…"

His head snapped up with the last statement.

_Sex without love is…sad…that's why you've been sad…_

She hadn't meant the words. She wanted to take them back but they hung between them. She turned to hide her face from him swiping at the tears that spilled forth. By the time she turned around, he was already out the door with suitcase in hand.

Laura found her where he had left her. She sat there with legs drawn sobbing. It was the first time Laura had practiced her skills as a comforting mother. She sat on the floor and held Sara wiping away her tears one by one and feeling the urge to do bodily harm to her son in law.

He stood at the hospital entrance wishing he had told her the truth. He wasn't quite sure of the truth himself. He knew that he now had four out of the four symptoms Brass had rattled off that night and it had frightened him enough to make an appointment with his physician.

_Tests…lots of tests. _

His physician had rattled off what he should expect.

_I didn't expect running into Sara. I was supposed to be gone before she got home…_

He knew it would be a waiting game. He also knew the timing sucked. One of them needed to have a level head right now. The Johnson case was hopping and he prayed that it would be a matter of time before they were able to catch him.

He had made the arrangements in secret, planning to check himself in, go through the tests and then hold up in a motel room waiting for the results. He knew that once the tests were reviewed, he might have to take additional tests or worse surgery. He had planned every detail. The leave, the handling of the cases, the scheduling of the appointments, the fasting before the tests … he had handled everything except Sara.

_What if this isn't good?_

_What if I can't work anymore?_

_What if I'm given a death sentence? _

_What if she realizes she married an old man who may become an invalid or can't make love to her?_

_Don't panic…_

_Wait until the tests are in and confirmed…_

_the chest pains are getting worse…. _

_What if I never see Belle grow up…._

_What if I die and she doesn't remember me?_

_What if…._

_Sara doesn't love me any more_

He sat there in the gown staring at the nurse as she again asked.

"Mr. Grissom, will your wife be picking you up after the tests are completed, provided you are released?"

He had forgotten a minor detail. Someone would have to check him out of the hospital once the tests were completed.

"She's on a case. Someone else is going to do that."

"Who?"

"Jim Brass. He also has power of attorney to make any medical decisions in the event there is a problem."

She glanced at him.

"We have an infant. My wife doesn't need the added stress if anything should happen…"

"I understand."

He called.

He came.

It was after the first test that he saw Brass waiting in his room.

"Bad?"

"Four out of four symptoms," he replied.

"Listen, have you said anything to Sara…"

"No, she thinks I'm out of town on a trip. She thinks I took a flight this morning…"

"Calm down. Calm down. There's time to practice the alibis. You know you have to tell her."

"Tell her what? I don't know anything yet."

"She was pretty upset when you left. Laura called me wanting to locate a gun off the streets."

Grissom's face turned ashen.

"Just joking! She told me Sara was pretty upset… said you left town without saying where you were going."

"I'll tell her as soon as I know something."

"Good cause if you don't I will. You're going to need her support and not her wrath."

The tests continued. By the end of the day, Grissom was worn out. His lab results would not be in until the next day. He would have to wait. While they had suggested he stay for observation, he was already dressed tying his shoes and pressuring Brass to get him out of there.

Brass followed him to the motel, making sure he was settled before leaving.

"Order room service, okay? You need to eat something. Let me know as soon as you find out. Okay?"

He nodded. Brass watched as Grissom stretched out on the bed and closed his eyes. It was going to be a long night.

Note from author:

Okay, so I have been feeding you fluff for a very long time preparing you for the angst…I promise some fluff is thrown in there for good measure…as always there was no killing of any character in the writing of this fanfiction nor would I separate GSR so hang on and wait…remember I will give you warning when the last 5 chapters are coming. Please please be kind and review each chapter.

Take care,

Penny


	158. Chapter 158

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty Eight:**

She struggled to go into the lab that night forcing herself to focus on her job rather than the questions that rattled around in her brain as to Grissom's whereabouts. She had been so desperate that she had gone to Catherine and tried to pump her for information without letting on that she had no idea herself.

Her plan had failed miserably and had only made her make up her own excuses when Catherine reversed the inquiry. It seemed she had the same questions except Catherine suspected it was case related and Sara suddenly felt her marriage was in jeopardy.

_He's been distant for some time._

_Something's bothering him._

_He won't talk to me_

_He's shutting me out and withdrawing_

_Perhaps he needs a sabbatical again… _

_He wouldn't leave Belle for that long?_

She wasn't prepared to come home and find him walking out without any explanation other than he would be back.

_He said he would be back in two days…_

_He said we would talk then…_

_He said…_

_nothing…_

_You have no idea where he's going, what he's doing or if he's with someone…_

_Grissom would never cheat…_

_He said I was the only person he ever loved…_

_Unless…_

As her mind wandered so did her feet until she found herself standing outside the lockers. The sound of the guys made her walk toward them but stopping out of view when she overheard Grissom's name mentioned.

"I'm telling you I saw Grissom pulling into a motel near the hospital," said Greg.

"You must have seen wrong. He flew out this morning going out of town. I heard Sara mentioning it to Catherine," said Nick.

"Well, all I know is what I saw. It was Grissom," said Greg.

Motel…near hospital…she knew the one. They had stayed there once or twice when Brass was in the hospital. She clasped a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob. Had their marriage really deteriorated to the point that he was cheating on her? The idea was absurd, right?

Without another thought she found herself driving to the motel. With each mile, she told herself it was wrong.

_He said to trust him…_

_If I go there and I don't see his car, then I'll go back to the lab and drop it…_

She sat there and stared at the vehicle.

_Greg was right…._

Her little voice told her to go back to the lab anyway but she couldn't. She had to know. She flashed her ID and got access to the records locating his room within minutes. She stood outside the door and brought her hand up to knock but suddenly she felt like a jealous wife.

_Hell yes I'm jealous! _

_He lied to me. _

_God only knows what he's doing here and with whom…_

_Don't let me find him with another woman…_

_Brass knows how to get access to a gun on the streets…._

She knocked before she lost her nerve. She waited as she heard the footsteps crossing the room and then suddenly he was there in front of her. There were no words. He pulled her inside before she had time to walk away.

"I don't understand…" she said brokenly. "I don't…"

He seemed different. His hair was wet and he was dressed in a robe, his body still moist from the shower. She immediately felt his sadness. It reminded her of another time when she had seen him so worn down and beaten. It had been the Lurie case. It was one of the few times she had seen a glimpse into Grissom's true feelings for her.

He had sat there confessing his love for her to a killer and admitting he had not been willing to take a chance. He had felt too old and fearful of losing everything he had worked for in order to have her. It had literally driven her to a drinking binge for several days at which time Nick had stayed with her while she fell apart night after night until she slowly picked herself up and returned to work.

It had been a true test of friendship. He had covered for her telling the others she needed some time off but refusing to give any more details to anyone not even Grissom. He had held her head while she lay in the bathroom floor vomiting night after night from binging on liquor and refusing to eat.

He had threatened to call Grissom or Brass until she promised she would stop, never telling him it was Grissom that had driven her to drink. He had only thought that it was someone else. Someone she had dated without their knowledge. His threats to do the unknown lover bodily harm almost seemed quite comical if he had only known he was talking about their boss.

No one would have believed Grissom said what he did that night in the interrogation room. She certainly would not have believed unless she heard it herself. That night she watched as he admitted what she had hoped all along. He really did care for her. That night she had wished she had never stood there and listened for it only made it worse, knowing that he cared but wasn't willing to take the chance.

But he did eventually take the chance and now several years later they were married with a young child and yet they found themselves further apart than they had ever been.

Now here they were face to face. His sadness was matched by hers. It was a mutual embrace each needing to feel the other desperately trying to reassure the other that whatever had happened that day, they could work through it.

He pulled her into his arms and whispered how much it had hurt leaving the way he did.

"Love me Sara…please…I need you."

He kissed her tears away pulling her closer to the bed causing her to fall back onto the mattress as he lowered himself. She returned his kisses clinging to him as she heard herself sobbing each time his lips released hers. She didn't protests as he removed her clothing.

His lovemaking was urgent as he felt herself letting go whispering he would love her until his last breath. It made her panic not sure the meaning behind the words. He pulled her up close to him willing his breathing to slow.

"Gil?"

"It's okay. Just lay here with me. I need you to trust me Sara. God, I've wanted you all day. All I could think of is making love to you."

"Why?"

"What you said. You didn't know what it was anymore between us….sex without love is sad….it's never been just sex….it could never be just sex with you…"

He was kissing her again. His lips returning to hers each time she tried to speak. It had suddenly hit her when he entered her again and she stopped him.

"You can't…"

"Please…"

"We can't…"

"Sara…love me…"

She didn't stop him. She couldn't. She needed it as much as he did. She met each of his thrusts holding on to him until they teetered on the edge. He felt her release and followed her kissing her tenderly as he felt the tears on her face.

"I'm sorry I've made you doubt."

It was the desolation in his voice that scared her. She pulled him tighter kissing him urgently while sobbing. "I didn't mean what I said at the house… I didn't mean that."

They slept. It was the ringing of her phone that awakened her. She quickly answered it trying to talk softly in hopes he would remain asleep.

"Laura is worried sick about you," said Brass.

"I'm with Grissom," she said.

"Grissom?"

"Yes."

"I'll tell her you're both fine."

"Belle?"

"Belle is fine. Stay with him. You both need some time together. Don't come back until you've worked this out." She heard the click.

She glanced over at him and was surprised he was still asleep. She glanced around the room hoping to find some answers but added more questions to the list as she surveyed the room. There were no folders, no laptop, nothing to indicate he was working on a case. She glanced down and suddenly found him staring at her.

"Hungry?" he asked.

"I missed dinner."

"Me too; room service?"

He went to get up and she stopped him placing her head on his chest and stretching her arms across his chest. It felt good. He had longed for her arms around him that day needing her comfort but too stubborn to let Brass call her. His old fears had resurfaced. He had told himself for years that he was too old for her.

_She needs someone young_

_Someone who can give more years than I can_

_Someone who isn't withdrawn and doesn't know the first thing about love_

_Someone who will love her the way she deserves to be loved…_

_Someone…who isn't me._

He had almost told her. When he saw the hurt and disappointment in her eyes when he opened the door, he had almost told her. But then what could he tell her? He still didn't know the tests results. He still didn't know if there was anything wrong.

He knew he had become a liar, not only to her but to himself. He knew something was wrong. He knew every time he pushed himself and felt the slight twinge in his arm and the shortness of breath followed by the nausea.

He hated the deception. It tore at everything he believed but his fears were stronger than his convictions at the moment. He was suddenly afraid his worst fears were soon going to materialize. She would finally see that she had married an old man….an old man with not only a genetic hearing problem but a heart problem as well.

_One day…_

_I may not be able to make love to you _

Of course she would remind him of their vows but to a man those vows were only meant for the woman. For a man it was his duty to provide and protect and care for his family. Grissom was a man….a man with old fashioned values. He needed to feel useful…to feel needed…to feel he could do all of those things without showing any weakness.

He felt weak now.

He felt vulnerable.

He hated it.

He could not bring himself to tell her.

He accepted her embrace holding her possessively.

"Gil?"

"Sara, I'm tired. Please. Let's have something to eat. Stay with me… Please…don't make me beg."

They ate. Once they were done, they were back in bed. This time he slept. She sat there beside him trying to rationalize what had occurred over the last couple of days. She had no idea why he had lied to her. He had seemed so upset with the thought of leaving Belle but here he was across town staying in a motel. His actions didn't make sense. She could play the 'what if' all night but it would be futile. There were just too many variables.

He loved her. She knew that for certain. He had told her over and over again while they made love and once she thought she heard a crack in his voice as if he were shedding his own tears.

It didn't make any sense. She rubbed her temple and slowly found herself tiring. She curled up next to him and closed her eyes. Morning arrived. Sara showered and then put on her clothes. He still lay sleeping. She knew she had to get home. Laura would be frantic with worry and Belle would be fussy not having one of them there.

She kissed him gently and chided herself when his eyes opened. He pulled her close to him.

"Morning."

"Morning."

"I have to go. One of us needs to be home for Belle."

He didn't argue. She started to get up but then found herself sitting back down on the bed looking at him.

"You could come with me," she said softly.

When he didn't reply, she got up and headed to the door. She stopped as she reached the door.

"Be home tonight?"

"I hope so."

"If you don't…are you going to be here?"

"Sara…"

"I trust you." She closed the door leaning up against it and stifled a sob.

She practically fell backwards when she felt the door give way and he was pulling her back into the room.

"Don't go like this," he begged. "Don't go in tears. I can't bear it Sara."

He was kissing her now. Her mind told her to stop him but she could hear him softly whispering into her ear.

"I remember the first time we made love…it was the first time I had felt alive in such a long time. You let me love you. God, how I love you, Sara. Never doubt that. Never…"

She was kissing him back now as they found their way back to the bed letting him make love to her again. She awoke an hour later in his arms as he slept. She tried to move but his arms held her tightly against him. She glanced at the clock.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I have to go. I have to get home. I need to make sure Belle is okay. Come with me…"

"I can't."

She didn't ask again. She rolled over to face him.

"I love you. Don't you ever doubt that. I've loved you forever," she whispered.

He let her go. He lay there as he heard her dress and then quickly leave. He didn't go after her this time and she didn't wait by the door. It was a mutual parting.

Note from author:

Thanks for the wonderful reviews. Please please keep the coming! I will post again soon. take care! Penny


	159. Chapter 159

**Chapter One Hundred Fifty Nine:**

He sat there and listened while the surgeon rattled off the diagnosis and prognosis. He felt old, very old.

_Coronary artery disease_

_Some blockage in the coronary arteries_

_heart is getting less blood_

_problem with one of his valves…isn't blockage enough?_

_a complete blockage can cause a heart attack_

_can be treated with medication at this time unless valve gets worse and blockage is…shit!_

"Are there any questions?" asked Doctor Ramsey.

"Medication?"

"There are several options; there are nitroglycerin…."

He rattled off more but Grissom was lost on the first one.

_My father took nitroglycerin…he died…_

"I'm not ready."

"Excuse me?"

"I want to research the options before accepting any particular medication."

"Good. I suggest that to all my patients. Get informed. Would you like some pamphlets?"

"Yes..no.. I have a friend who has a medical license. I'd like to talk with him about my options."

He found himself sitting in his car. He wasn't sure how long he sat there only that someone was now tapping on the window. It was Brass.

He unlocked the door as the man slid in next to him.

"You didn't call me."

"I need to talk with Doc."

"Oh. Okay let's go."

Grissom looked at Brass.

"He can meet us at my place. You can talk without being disturbed."

Within an hour he was sitting on the couch across from Doc Robbins as he discussed Grissom's options.

"I would like to see your stress test along with any other tests to see the extent of the blockage." Grissom corrected him by saying "blockages' along with a problem with a heart valve. He looked at Grissom as he sat there quietly.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not dead yet."

Grissom gave no expression.

"Look, medication can work if it's taken correctly and a person changes their diet and lifestyle."

Grissom looked at him. "Lifestyle?"

"Not much of a change for you. No smoking, recreational drugs or booze."

"Anything else?" _Like making love to my wife…_

"Stress"

Grissom was silent.

"Gil, you need to cut back at the lab. You need to take it easy for awhile. Do you understand?"

He nodded.

"Does Sara know?"

"No."

"Tell her."

"No!"

"You need her support. She needs to make sure you follow your diet, take your medication, follow through with your doctor appointments…"

"I survived for years without her. I can take care of myself. She has enough to worry about."

Robbins looked at Brass.

"Yeah? Well you've been doing such a bang up job here lately haven't you?" said Brass

"I'm not involving her right now. If it gets worse then I'll tell her."

"Look buddy…" began Brass

"No!" He was up now walking to the door.

"Grissom!" called Doc.

He stopped.

"You can sign a waiver so I can talk with your physician. You can check in with me every day at the lab. I'll monitor your blood pressure and diet. You'll need to keep up with your medicine. Okay?" asked Robbins.

Grissom nodded. "Thanks Doc."

He left.

Doc turned to Brass. "What did you expect? Grissom has always been independent. He's always been in control. The thought of giving up any of that probably scares the hell out of him. Look how he handled his surgery with his ear loss. No one knew about that except Catherine and she only found out by accident. It's going to be your job to keep an eye on him when he's out in the field. Make sure he's not overdoing it, oh, and one more thing."

"What's that?" asked Brass

"Keep Sara from kicking my ass when she finds out we hid this from her."

Brass didn't chuckle. The same thought had already crossed his mind. Sara was going to be pissed. Really pissed.

He came home.

When she heard the key in the lock she fought the urge to run to him but she remained sitting in the nursery rocking Belle. He squatted down on his knees and took Belle in his arms as she squealed when she saw him. Sara sat and watched as father and daughter played. She smiled when Belle sat on his chest and played patty cake with him.

He rolled her off bringing giggles followed by "Good dada. Good." He was now chasing her on his knees as she ran around the room. He caught her yanking her into the air and laughed as she screamed with delight.

He stopped and sat back catching his breath as Belle hugged his neck. She clasped her little hands on each side of his face and pouted.

"Miss dada."

"I missed you too, little bug."

"Love dada"

"I love you too," he croaked as he held her tight. He looked at Sara as he held his daughter mouthing the same words to her. She smiled as she swiped at her tears.

"Love you too," she said as she joined them in the floor for play time.

He slept while she cooked. Belle toddled about in the room bringing toys and placing them around Grissom until he was practically covered. She chuckled when he woke to find Belle giggling beside him.

_Why the deception?_

_Why did you spend the night at the motel?_

_Why did you come home tonight?_

_Why can't you talk with me anymore?_

She wanted desperately to ask him the many whys and even was even tempted to remind him that he had said they would talk when he returned but she didn't push it.

She trusted him.

He had come home.

He seemed to slow down at work opting to remain in the lab rather go out into the field relying on Brass to let him know when it was best to send out the new recruits on their own. It was Brass who let Catherine in on the secret hoping that she would help in monitoring Grissom's work schedule. She did better than that.

With Catherine in the new position, she permitted Grissom to use the more experienced workers on difficult cases allowing him to use any worker during any shift. It helped tremendously giving Grissom the ability to send Greg, Warrick or Nick.

Catherine became integrated into her new position. Warrick was promoted to Catherine's old position. Grissom kept his word and met with Doc every day. No one seemed to notice the trips to the morgue since it was a routine stop for Grissom each day anyway. The medication seemed to lessen the symptoms but Grissom was reluctant to admit, he did not see much improvement.

A month passed and Johnson returned to Vegas leaving a body on Grissom's shift. He methodically worked the scene bringing Greg with him to monitor the others. He spent hours slowly going through the crime scene as if he were searching for something. He meticulously checked everything causing the new recruits to think he was testing them by the way he slowly went through the sight inch by inch.

It was Sara's gaze while he was on his knees that made him look up at her. Her arms were folded and she seemed a bit annoyed but she said nothing as he finished.

"Why wasn't I called?" she said. "My group is handling the Johnson case."

"Brass tried but you've been tied up for the last couple of hours on another DB. He called me and Greg. We're done."

"And?"

"Some evidence, not much. A few samples in the carpet and outside near the street."

"Wait, you mean you had them searching outside on their knees? Is it some kind of hazing for new recruits or something? I'm sure the media got a kick out of that."

"Since when do you care about the media?"

"I don't. Besides, the DNA will prove whether or not it's Johnson."

"We know who it is but we don't know where he's holding up. He seems to come and go. Sort of like a schedule…sort of like a traveling salesman coming to Vegas every now and then leaving us a calling card to let us know he was in town or perhaps he never leaves at all but waits until he thinks we've gotten bored with the case."

"Any other observations?"

"I could if you'd let me see the file and the rest of the evidence. I used to have some expertise in serial killers."

She knew it was a jab. He had been upset when he had been barred from the Johnson case.

They had said nothing else but returned to the lab. She noticed he seemed tired and his knees seemed to be aching. She brought the file to his office one night placing it on his desk and walking out. He watched as she walked down the hall, waiting for her to disappear before shutting the door immediately and pouring into the details.

They did not see him for hours. He spread out the pictures and the list of collected evidence and engrossed himself in every minute detail. He mentally created a case file in his head as his mind memorized each detail knowing that Sara would have already done the same thing.

_Two minds think alike…_

He then went to the evidence room and was surprised to find the evidence had already been checked out by Sara and it now lay spread out in a room for him to review. He glanced at his watch and knew that the shift would be over soon so he hurried to make note of each article and storing the information in his head. He managed to get through all of it sitting down once he was done and resting. It had felt good to finally see it, touch it and now it would be his job to formulate a profile of the killer.

He processed the information now in his mind, letting his brain pull out bits and pieces formulating a description of the serial killer. Of course they had a physical description already. He had been in jail until he was released by mistake. What they didn't have was his thoughts, his habits, his train of reasoning or his choice of victims if there was any.

He knew that it had taken a lot from her to let him see the evidence and the report. She feared he would insist on working the case but he didn't ask to see the evidence or the report again.

A week went by and one day she came into her office to find the profile of Johnson. She glanced at the detailed information and knew that he had done it by memory and was amazed at the exactness and intricacies contained in the pages. She was surprised at its content noting some factors that had been overlooked and she knew the profile would help narrow their search for Johnson.

A month passed when she discovered he had been searching the surrounding areas trying to connect Johnson with other unsolved murders. He discovered there some unsolved cases had the same M.O. but no DNA had been left. Grissom theorized Johnson had committed the murders but only left DNA on "special victims" as a way of making it personal to him. When the theory seemed to prove correct, he extended the search. It angered her that he had spent countless hours working the case without her knowledge.

She arrived in his office one shift, shutting the door and locking it behind her. He looked up and saw she was angry.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm working."

"The Johnson case?"

"Yes."

"Look, I let you do a profile on the case because I trusted your judgment. I don't want you to become obsessed with this again. We've been doing…"

"I'm not."

"Then let a caseworker work on it."

"Sara, you know I can spot something faster than a caseworker. They might even overlook it…"

"Fine, then let me help."

He slid over and he began explaining his theories and the areas that seemed to fit the profile. Her thigh brushed up next to his and he smiled at her.

"Much better than sitting with a caseworker."

It felt good again to work side by side. She noticed he let her take the lead sometimes leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes to rest. As they searched they began to piece together a gruesome pattern. Johnson had killed more…many more. If they were to catch him, they would have to locate him.

His face had been plastered all of the news and yet it seemed as though he was no where. As the body count continued to rise so did Sara's uneasiness that Grissom was becoming obsessed again. He slept less and his fatigue was always apparent. .

Some times he would fall asleep on the couch after spending time with Belle. She would leave him there until he would wake later and head off to bed only to toss and turn fitfully before getting up.

It was one of those days, she woke and found he had left unexpectedly. She heard him leave the room and thought he had gone to play with Belle but Laura later told her he had merely grabbed his keys and left without a word.

She checked her watch and knew he had been gone for hours. She was about to call the lab when she got a call from Brass.

"Sara, it's Grissom.."

**Note from author:**

Leave the review….I appreciate everyone who takes the time to stop and push that button below. I am amazed at how many hits this story gets. I just wished the reviews matched the hits….take care! Penny

P.S.

Yes….the end is near.


	160. Chapter 160

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty:**

She was pissed. She tried to stop her hands from trembling as she drove to the location given by Brass.

_I'm going to kick his ass._

_What the hell did he think he was doing?_

_Does he have a death wish or something?._

_Didn't he learn anything about going out on a hunch without back up?_

He had been stupid before. She had heard of his antics and how it had almost cost him his life when he had gone out by himself and was trapped by a killer. If it had not been for Catherine who followed behind him killing the suspect, he would have been seriously injured or worse, killed.

She remembered how she had stayed mad at him for days not looking at him and leaving cryptic unsigned messages at his desk repeatedly calling him a stupid moron. He had investigated the notes but never found the culprit.

Now, he had done it again. Now, he was going to be told a stupid moron to his face. She jumped out of the car and halted when she saw the ambulance parked outside the house. She could not bring herself to go any further as she stared at the sheeted body on the gurney.

_Johnson?_

_He's dead?_

She glanced around and saw the patrol car parked nearby and she gasped when she saw Johnson sitting in the back seat.

_If it isn't Johnson then…_

_Who's under the sheet?_

_Who was killed?_

She felt sick. Her hand shot to cover her mouth and she leaned up against the car to stable her shaking legs.

"Sara?"

It was his voice.

Her head shot up and she glared at him. She pointed to the gurney.

"He had an accomplish…that's why he was never seen. His accomplice hid him. I didn't put the pieces together until…"

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"I uhm"

"You stupid moron!"

Brass heard the commotion and pulled them inside the house.

"Look, you can slug him if you want but just do it out of view, okay?" he said as he shut the door.

"What happened?"

Grissom pulled up a chair and sat down glancing at Brass.

"Look Sara. Grissom took a nasty hit. Could you get a bottle of water from my car?" asked Brass.

She disappeared from the room and Grissom fished the pills from his pocket popping one into his mouth before she returned.

"Thanks," he said as he drank the water and winced when she gently touched the cut above his right eye.

"What happened?"

"I played out a hunch and found him. He always seemed to be in this vicinity…I traced Johnson to this guy. They went to high school together. I waited for back up but he was slipping out the back after the gun fire in the house," said Grissom

"Which led to a scuffle. Notice the cut about his right eye and the disheveled clothing. His friend decided he would rather be dead than in prison," added Brass

She looked at him. "Stupid moron."

He grinned. "I always knew it was you who sent those notes back then."

"You could have been hurt or worse. If his partner had a gun, what's makes you think he didn't?"

_Don't tell her about the gun…my ass is grass already…please…_

"He's already been checked out by a medic but I suggest you take him home. A couple of days rest would do him good," said Brass.

_You so owe me buddy…_

He refused to talk to the media or have anything to do with the wrap up of the Johnson case. He did take a couple of days off sleeping most of the time. Sara thought he was just relieved that Johnson had been caught finally. Grissom knew better. His body was shutting down.

It had been almost three months since his diagnosis. He knew that he was not getting any better. If anything he seemed to be relying on the medication more than he should avoiding the questions from Doc knowing that sooner or later he would have to return to his physician and admit the medication was no longer an option.

He had intended to go to the doctor that day picking up the phone when the report arrived. A vehicle had rolled throwing several occupants to their death. Grissom went with the guys knowing they would need as many hands as possible to secure the sight.

The weather threatened the sight since their arrival and the team spent the next several hours trying to beat the rain before the evidence was washed away. The evidence was thrown all over the hillside making it very cumbersome to collect. He had managed to stay in one location for several hours but as the rain slowly moved in, he knew they would have to rush. They spent the next hour rushing along collecting as much evidence as they could before the rain began to fall.

It was a steep incline back to the top. He had made it half way when he felt the first sharp pain. It made him stop in his tracks. He stood trying to catch his breath but was finding it difficult. He let the equipment drop out of his hands and he sat down on the hillside trying to catch his breath.

Brass was suddenly by his side motioning for Warrick and Nick to assist. He let them help him up to the top forcing him to sit in the back of the emergency vehicle that was on stand by.

The medic checked his vitals and then thrusts an oxygen mask over his face.

"Sir, are you on any medication?"

Nick was about to answer when Brass fished in Grissom's pocket and handed the prescription bottle to the medic.

"He should be checked out by his physician."

"I'm fine," said Grissom as he pulled off the mask. "Got a little winded."

The medic popped the top of the prescription handing it to Grissom followed by some water.

"Like I said, I think you need to be checked out. Okay sir?"

Grissom nodded.

They helped him to the Denali and sat with him until his color seemed to return.

"How long have you known about the heart condition?" asked Nick

"Couple of months. I had some tests done," said Grissom

"Sara never mentioned it to us," said Nick.

"Yeah. She doesn't keep things from us. Hell, if we had known…" began Warrick.

"Sara doesn't know. I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything. I'm hoping the medication will work."

Warrick and Nick looked at one another.

"Sara doesn't know?" asked Nick.

"No and I don't want her to know," glared Grissom.

"Sara is going to be pissed," said Greg.

"Yeah, and she's going to kick …." began Warrick

"I know. Believe me an ass kicking is the least of my worries these days."

Brass chuckled at the comment making Warrick and Nick frowned.

"Hey, you have to have a sense of humor in this. Look Doc Robbins is keeping an eye on him every day at the office. Catherine has been keeping an eye on him in the office while I've been watching him in the field. By the way, you two can help now."

They nodded.

"I don't need to be looked after like some…"

"Idiot? Someone who won't listen?"

Grissom grinned. "I was going to say invalid but I'll take idiot."


	161. Chapter 161

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty One:**

She frantically pulled out the kit from her pocket and sat in the bathroom. With shaking hands she opened the box pulling out the pregnancy strip. _Just pee and get it over with Sara. Pee on the stick and…shit _

She sat there and watched as the double lines popped up. In Vegas two of a kind meant a payoff from a slot machine but she didn't feel excited. She felt down right scared. She had been so caught up with work and the incident with Grissom that she hadn't thought about the possibility. They both knew they had not used any protection the night she stayed with him in the motel but they had never discussed it.

_Another session tossed aside because of lack of time_

She did the math in her head swiping at the tears on her face.

_Three months…can't be ectopic…I would have had…geez Sara you took a hell of a chance….what if I got pregnant another time…no…I don't think so… How can we find time for another child when we can barely find time for Belle and ourselves? What is Grissom going to say? _

She folded the test strip in some tissue placing it back into the box. She stepped outside to the trash cans and placed it inside, closing the lid quickly while glancing around as if she had just committed some horrible crime.

She had just tried to calm her nerves when she heard the click of the key in the door. She could tell he was tired by the way he shuffled his feet. He plopped down on the couch propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"Bad shift?"

"Multiple DBs on the side of the interstate as a result of a car wreck."

"Rain didn't help much."

"No, it didn't."

"Belle?"

"Fine. I checked on her a little while ago."

He rubbed his temple as he leaned back.

"Headache?"

"Just tired. Laura?"

"I sent her home when I got here. I took off early."

"Good. Breakfast?"

"I'll fix it."

Sara started for the kitchen when she noticed the back door was ajar. "Gil, the back door is open."

"Did you go out there recently?"

"No."

They looked at one another and quickly ran to Belle's room.

"She's not in her bed!" cried Sara.

"She's probably playing in the back yard," said Grissom. They hurried outside calling for her.

Nothing.

"Where's Bruno?"

"The gate is open. Someone opened the gate and he's gone."

They continued to search the back yard. Sara was already beginning to panic.

"Sara, how long was it when you last checked on her?"

"I was in the bathroom for a couple of minutes and then I took some trash out. Ten to fifteen minutes. I don't remember. I didn't hear anything. I didn't hear her get out of bed or the door opening."

"The alarm?"

"I forgot to set it. You don't think someone came in here and took her…"

She was now sobbing as Grissom held her.

"Sara, I think she wandered off. We need help finding her. I'm calling Brass. It's going to be alright."

"Maybe she tried going to the park… I'll go…call me if you find her!" she said as she hurried out the door.

The calls were made as he continued to search through the house and the side lot. It had only been a few hours ago since his last dosage and already he felt himself needing the medication. Grissom pulled out the medicine bottle and popped a pill in his mouth washing it down with some water as he headed out the back. He was soon joined by Brass and the others.

"We came as soon as we heard," said Greg. "I'll recheck the inside of the house."

"I'll take the south side," said Nick.

"I'll take east side," said Warrick.

"I've got north side," said Brass. Grissom grabbed his arm, "the neighbor has a swimming pool on the north side. He has a gate but if Belle can get out of the house and then open our side gate…"

"Calm down, Gil. I'm on it. You need to stay calm for Sara."

Grissom headed west. He had walked several hundred feet when he noticed an object lying on the ground. He picked it up suddenly feeling giddy. It was the red and black lady bug.

"Belle!"

No answer.

He continued to walk searching the ground for any clue. His heart sped up when he came across a hairbow. He was on the right track. He looked up and saw the bee house in front of him. He hurried to the door opening it quickly and stepped inside. He switched on the light and found her curled up on the bench with her blanket. He breathed a sigh of relief.

He picked her up holding her tight to him as he silently said a prayer of thanks. Quickly he called the others letting them know she had been found. Sara met him on the back deck. She grabbed Belle sobbing as the little girl began to wail.

"Sara, you're scaring her. She's never seen you cry," whispered Grissom.

"Momma sad.. no momma sad."

"Momma happy Belle is safe. Don't you ever leave the house like that!"

"I think you need to put up safety locks where Belle can't reach them," said Brass. "Oh and set the alarm."

"Found Bruno," called Greg.

It had scared them. It had scared all of them. Once they were gone and Belle was back in bed. Grissom sat at the table with Sara too frazzled to sleep.

"I've never been so scared in my life," said Sara.

"Me neither," said Grissom. "Glad we only have Belle. I don't think I could take another one. I'm too old."

"No, you're not."

"Sara, I aged ten years tonight."

"You're right we don't need another child. I almost cost Belle her life tonight. If she had gotten into the neighbor's pool…"

"It's not your fault. It could have happened to Laura or myself." He started to kiss her palm but she pulled away. I'm going to take a shower."

He watched her leave the room. He picked up the coffee mugs taking them into the kitchen. He glanced down at the trash can and noticed it was almost full. _I thought you took out the trash…_

He pulled it out carrying it outside and started to throw it into the can when something caught his eye. He set the trash down and pulled out the pregnancy kit. He immediately glanced around before opening up the box to find the positive pregnancy stick. _Oh shit! What did I just tell her? Oh God how stupid could I be… I've been so caught up in myself I didn't even notice she's pregnant… How far along? _

He calculated in his head and knew it exactly the night.

_Motel…_

_waiting for hospital results…_

He quickly put the box back where it lay and then carried the trash back into the house placing it back into the container so she would not suspect he had discovered her secret.

He sat on the bed and waited for her to finish. Once the door opened, he held out his hand for her to come to him. He gently kissed her pulling her into the bed with him. They lay there cuddled up next to one another. He knew she had been crying by the puffiness of her eyes.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Have you checked on…"

"Belle is asleep. She's safe. It's okay honey."

"I just want to go check on her…"

"Sara, she's sounds asleep. The baby monitor is right over here and the alarm is on. If she tries to go on another adventure, she'll be caught red handed."

He pulled her back down kissing her gently. He chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"You should have seen her cuddled up there on the bench with her blanket. She's so much like you when she's sleeping."

Sara was quiet.

"Do you remember when we brought her home and we fought over holding her? I loved holding her. Remember when she began teething and Laura brought her by the office because she was so fussy and we took turns carrying her around during the shift? The guys love having her at the lab."

"We weren't prepared for her were we?"

"We've done well, Sara. We could handle anything. We could handle another child."

"I don't want another child. I like it with just the three of us," she whispered. He wasn't prepared for that.

"Sara…"

"I'm really tired," she said as she settled into her side of the bed. He spooned himself up close to her.

"Rest, Sara. I love you."

She was asleep. He did the calculations in his head again and knew that she would need to make an appointment immediately for an ultrasound. He panicked when he thought that it could be an ectopic pregnancy again.

_If she got pregnant that night then it's a normal pregnancy…_

_she would have already had complications if it were ectopic…_

_unless she got pregnant another time…geez Grissom…you have to pay more attention…_

_how did I miss this?_

_I never should have said what I did._

_She doesn't even want another child…_

_She's just scared right now. She's just overwhelmed with the episode with Belle and everything at work. _

_Hell, I haven't helped._

He began to panic even more when he thought of his own health issues. It was one thing to die and leave Sara with one child to raise but two? He pulled out his notebook and reviewed his medication chart. He knew he wasn't getting better. He slipped out of bed calling for a follow up appointment.

He fixed breakfast for them letting her sleep in. When she didn't come out, he stood at the door and listened. The familiar sounds coming from the bathroom told him she would not be able to hide the pregnancy much longer. He wondered how long she had felt ill. Their work schedules had all but eliminated them waking at the same time.

He sat and pretended to be interested in the newspaper when he heard her leave the bathroom. She slowly made her way to the kitchen, pouring herself some tea. He frowned at her choice. _Juice or milk would be better. You need to be taking prenatal vitamins…_

"What's on your agenda today?" he asked.

"I'm got to go into the lab early. We're going back over the last witnesses who made have some information on Johnson's location."

It was the first time she had brought up the case.

"Need some help? I mean I could help if you…"

"We have it covered. I'm going to meet Nick and we're going to go out together. My guys aren't ready for anything like that."

She looked at him. "What's your plans?"

"Finish up on something I started." _I'm going to go have some tests run again…I'm not sure how I am going to do that and not let you find out…_

They said their goodbyes going their separate ways once Laura arrived to care for Belle. He phoned Brass and had him meet him at the diner along with Doc. He sat there sipping on a glass of juice when they arrived.

"What's up?" asked Brass.

"I need your help," said Grissom. "I have an appointment this evening to have some tests redone. I'll need you to cover for me."

"Wait. If you're going back for tests again then that means the medication isn't working," said Doc.

He shook his head slowly.

"Oh," came the reply from both.

"Okay, I've played along with this charade enough. I know when to stop playing with fire before I get burned. No let me correct that by saying torched. You have to tell Sara," said Brass.

"Gil, I really think you need to tell her," said Doc.

"I can't."

"Like hell, I'll do it," said Brass.

"No! You won't. She's pregnant."

"Congratulations!" his look made them stop.

"It's not an ectopic pregnancy again is it?" asked Doc.

"She hasn't found out yet. She hasn't even seen her OB yet. Hell, she hasn't even told me yet. I think she took the test last night right before Belle disappeared."

"Poor kid," said Brass.

"How did you find out?"

"I found the pregnancy test last night after you guys left. I tried to get her to tell me but she wouldn't. I'm not sure she wants the baby."

"I can't believe that," said Brass. "She adores Belle."

"Last night she said she didn't want another child. She was happy with just the three of us. I think she meant it."

"Maybe she thinks something is wrong. Maybe she doesn't want to get her hopes up just yet," said Doc.

"I need to give her more time to accept this and then she'll tell me. In the meantime, I need to have these tests redone. She doesn't need to find out about this. Not yet… not until we know about the baby."

"Don't worry I'll cover your ass but this time I expect that baby to be named after me," said Brass.

"Or me," said Doc.

"Jim?"

"Yeah"

"You still have the power of attorney forms?"

"Yeah."

"You may need to use them. If things don't go well, I want you to make the decisions. I don't want Sara to be burdened with them…not with Belle and now the pregnancy."

"You really want her to kick my ass, don't you," said Brass.

"I need you to do this for me."

"I've got your back," he said softly.


	162. Chapter 162

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty Two:**

He contemplated on whether to return to the house and pack a suitcase. Once he was in his vehicle he had already made up his mind. He wanted to hold Belle. Laura was surprised when he opened the door. The look on his face made her suspicious of his early arrival.

He sat playing with Belle talking with her and kissing her palm each time she extended it to him.

"Dada may be gone awhile. Dada will miss little bug." He said softly.

"Dada sad?"

"Dada will be home as soon as he can. Be good for momma. She needs her rest."

"Leaving again?" she asked with a barb in her tone.

"Yes…I'm not sure how long this time."

"Look, Gil. I've kept out of this but I have to say my peace. I'm worried about both of you. Neither of you get enough rest. Sara's…"

"What about Sara? Has she been ill? Has she confided in you…"

"Talk is something that both of you avoid. I was going to say that Sara has been a bit more edgy lately. She's tired and doesn't eat much…"

"Has she mentioned any doctor appointments?"

"No…is there something I should know?"

"No…look Laura. I don't want you to keep secrets from Sara but I need you to understand what's going on right now so you can be there to give her support."

"You're scaring me right now," said Laura as she came closer.

"I left last time to have some tests run. I have a heart condition. I didn't want Sara to know. She still doesn't. The medication isn't working so I'm going back for further tests. I'm afraid surgery may be my only option now."

"Sara is going to kick your…"

"You've really become integrated into the family," he said with a half smile.

"She needs to know. She thought it was…I don't know what she thought only that she cried for hours after you left last time. I wanted to kick…"

"Understood."

"When are you going to tell her?"

"After the tests…when I know more details, I'm going to sit down with her and tell her. I promise."

"Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked.

"Be there for Sara and Belle. She's going to need it."

"Gil, you sound like…"

"I don't have a death sentence or at least I pray I don't. I know it's going to be difficult. I hate hospitals. I don't like…"

"Being dependent on others?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad you told me."

"You need to know something else. Sara's pregnant."

Laura smiled but then suddenly looked alarmed. "She needs to slow down and take care of herself. I haven't even seen any prenatal vitamins…"

"She just found out the other day. She hasn't even told me yet. I found out by mistake. It's why I want to wait until the last possible moment to tell her…until I know something more definitive. Sara had a hard time with Belle…the nausea was really bad. The stress of the new job is bad enough but she's also handling a high profile case and now this….you can understand why I'm hiding it from her still, don't you?'

"Yes. I won't say anything. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help."

He smiled.

He packed and then he was gone.

It was quicker this time. The stress test was skipped. His blood pressure was unusually high and his physician harped about the amount of medication he had been taking with little success.

"You should have been in here sooner," said Dr. Ramsey.

"I'm here now," Grissom said.

"Look, I'm going to be frank with you. Surgery. Now. Any questions?"

"No….yes. when you say now…what do you mean?"

"I mean call your family. Get them down here. We'll go ahead and admit you now…"

"You can't do that yet."

"Want to live?"

"Yes but I need to explain this to my wife. She doesn't know about this."

"You mean you never told her about your condition? Look, Mr. Grissom, are you having marital…"

"No! I'm not. We both have high stress jobs and Sara just recently got promoted and now she's pregnant but she hasn't even had time to tell me. We have a toddler…"

"Slow down. Go home. Tell her and come back immediately. No work…no stress…am I making myself clear?"

"Yes."

He hated taking orders. He hated knowing that his life would soon be in the hands of someone else. He hated knowing that he was going to have to rely on Sara and the others. He hated…that he had lied to her all this time. All the justification in the world would not make it easy.

_She's going to be mad and hurt and pregnant….Hell._

He knew she would be working. He glanced at his watch and called ahead.

_Field_

_she's out in the field. _

_God, I better have surgery soon…just the thought of her being pregnant and out in the field will reek havoc on my already high blood pressure._

He knew that he would need to wait until the scene was completed before talking with her. He also knew that it would need to be some place private because he was sure she would give him hell. He hoped so anyway. He prayed she would be mad so he would not see the tears.

_Maybe I need to tell her with Doc Robbins. Then she could ask him any questions. _

He thought it was a good idea but then wasn't sure if Doc would be available.

His phone rang and he grabbed it off the seat.

"Grissom"

"The other Grissom knows you called in sick today and she's livid. I tried to get to her before she started asking where you were but it was too late," said Brass.

"I'm on my way to the crime scene."

"Want a death sentence?"

Grissom was silent.

"Bad choice of words. Sorry. What's the news?"

"Surgery."

"When?"

"Now. I have to tell Sara and then go back to the hospital…they wanted to admit me…" He felt the first sharp pain causing him to swerve.

"Grissom?"

"I think… I'm out… of time," he managed to say between chest pains.

"Where are you?"

"Not far….damn….can't breathe.. chest hurts…"

"Grissom!" He could the sound of the vehicle crashing followed by the loss of the connection.

Brass felt himself running to his vehicle while calling over his shoulder for Nick. He was there by the time Brass reached his vehicle.

"Something's happened to Grissom. I had him on the phone and he told me he was having chest pains. He was heading out this way. I think he wrecked. Tell Sara about the wreck only…. keep her calm…Nick she's pregnant…she hasn't told anyone yet…but she is…I'm going to put out an APB."

Sara watched as Brass sped away and Nick ran towards her. She backed away. Just the look on his face made her want to retreat.

_It's bad news…something's happened…it's bad…_

"Sara"

"It's bad, isn't it?"

"Grissom was on his way out here…"

"Why would he be coming out here?"

"Brass thinks something happened to Grissom. He was talking to him and he thinks he may have wrecked. He can't reach him on the phone now. Nick placed his hand on her arm. "Honey, it's serious."

He had passed out. He felt for his phone but couldn't locate it.

_It must be in the floor board_

He tried to reach down but the chest pain intensified. _Okay….I can wait…they're coming…I was on the phone with Jim…he knows I was heading out there….oh my head…_

He reached up and felt the cut. _Not deep…_

_Wrecked the car…pretty bad… shit! My head….at least my head will distract me from my chest….damn! it feels like a two hundred pound weight sitting on it._

He began to panic when he smelled smoke.

He had to get out of the car. He pulled himself up trying his best to ignore the protests in his chest with each movement. The sparks coming up over the front of the vehicle proved he was right to force himself to move. He struggled to inch his way clear of the vehicle.

He felt himself falling and he met the ground hard knocking the air from his lungs. He gasped as the next chest pain caused him to wish Brass would hurry. He glanced back and knew he was still too close to the vehicle. He let himself roll down the embankment bringing him to a halt several feet from the car as it exploded.

_New car twenty thousand…new phone… couple hundred …new luggage…another hundred or so…surviving a heart attack…priceless…..where the hell is Brass…_

He heard the sirens. He knew he had lost consciousness cause Brass was now by his side telling him the ambulance was on its way. The medics were now there with him. IV lines being inserted. Vitals being taken…

"Sara?"

"Nick is with her. He knows about the baby and he's going to make sure she's alright. He won't let anything happen to her. Gil, you need to be still and let them…"

He felt his chest tighten and then suddenly the pain was gone.

_If this is death, at least it doesn't hurt…_

He could hear them yelling there was no pulse. He heard Brass cursing at him as he felt his body being jerked by something and then being lifted into the ambulance. The next thing he felt was…

Blessed peace.


	163. Chapter 163

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty Three:**

She was back there. It seemed so surreal. She stood in the emergency room trying to make sense of it all.

_the frantic drive, _

_the sight of Grissom's car in flames. _

_The ambulance speeding away._

_Nick holding my hand_

_Nick telling me he's going to be okay. _

_I never even thought we would be here again…_

_Not like this…_

They were all there…almost in their same positions…Greg searching for a pillow and blanket for her…even the other visitors looked the same.

_It's dejavu…_

_did I wear this the last time he was here?..._

_the tiles are the same…_

_no sense in counting them…_

_same spots on the floor…_

_same odor in the air…_

_This can't be happening…_

_it seems so much like last time…_

She would laugh if she had the energy but her body felt drained.

She closed her eyes trying to put the pieces together.

_He was talking to Brass._

_He was heading out to the crime scene…why?_

_He lost communication and then the car wreck…_

_Why did he wreck?_

_The police said there were no other cars involved…_

She was surprised when she felt the tug on her sleeve and a nurse was standing in front of her.

_Well, this is different. _

_Last time it seemed like forever before they told us something…_

_Perhaps they're so used to seeing our faces we're getting priority services this time…_

"Are you Mrs. Grissom?"

"Yes."

"We need to know when your husband's last dose of medication?"

"Medication?"

"Yes. Medication."

"He isn't on any medication…"

"Yes, he is," said Brass.

_No he isn't Jim._

_Why are you looking at me like that?_

"Jim?"

She stood there numb as Brass rattled off his medication. She thought she was in some nightmare when she heard Brass mention that Laura had seen him take his medication before leaving the house. He was trying to figure out the exact time.

_Mom? Brass? _

_Medicine…_

_wait that's medicine for your …_

"Look honey. He was coming to talk with you. He was coming to tell you he needed surgery."

"Surgery?"

She heard him rattling off what Grissom had told them after the first consultation.

_First consultation…._

_Motel stay near the hospital…_

_Jesus…he was having tests done…_

_He never let on…_

_He never even told me …_

"Sara?" He was grasping her by the arm and pulling her to a chair. She sat there praying that any minute she would wake up with him next to her.

_Hell I'll settle by myself as long as he's at work and he's fine…_

_surgery…_

_heart condition…wait…_

_what caused the car wreck…_

Her eyes remained fixed on the nurse as she hurried back to the room that held him. She sat and strained to hear anything…any news. Suddenly nurses were rushing about. Orders were being barked out from the emergency room corridor. There were shouts of code blue followed by the urgency to have an O.R. ready.

_What's a code blue?_

_Isn't that when someone stops breathing…_

"I want to talk to a doctor right now!" she yelled.

"Sara, calm down. Doc is here and he's been monitoring Grissom's condition…."

"Doc?"

"Yeah, Sara. I'm right here."

"Heart condition…did this cause the car wreck?"

Brass and Doc exchanged glances.

"Sara, Grissom was having chest pains. He must have blacked out causing the wreck. By the time the ambulance got there, he was having a full blown heart attack," said Doc.

"Heart attack! Oh god!" she was covering her mouth now as if she feared she would scream.

_This is a nightmare…_

_I haven't had one in such a long time…_

_It's just a nightmare…_

_god let it be a nightmare…_

"They shocked him… got his heart beating again…he's a fighter…Sara?"

She sat there quietly trying to let it sink in and suddenly Laura was there holding Belle. She ran to her grabbing Belle and hugged her tightly walking away from the others. They watched as she talked softly to Belle kissing her on the palm of her hand.

"dada?"

"dada is sick"

"want dada"

"me too"

"need dada"

"me too little bug"

"momma sad?"

"momma sad."

"Belle sad too."

"I love you Belle."

"love moma…love dada… want dada…okay?….want dada…"

She closed her eyes and willed the tears to stay away.

"Sara, I'll take her back now. I just thought you needed to see her now."

"You knew!"

"Yes," she said quietly.

"I can't believe this… you all knew and no one told me…I thought you were my friends…my family…"

"Sara…" began Brass.

"Don't! especially you….I trusted you more than anyone else. I love you like you're my own father and this is how you treat me…you keep this from me…"

"Sara, we thought we were protecting you," said Brass as he choked on the last words.

She backed away from him when he tried to come near her.

"Sara?" said Nick.

"Not you too, Nicky… you weren't part of this," she begged.

"I'm sorry darling. We promised him we would let him tell you when the time was right,"

"When? When they come out here and tell me my husband is…" she choked and glared at him. "So you've all known. Right? Who else? Catherine? Warrick? Greg? Heather?"

"We tried to tell him…" began Greg.

"You should have told me! You knew how obsessed he'd become with the Johnson case and yet you never bothered to tell me so I could make him slow down. I could have lessened the stress. I could…you took that away from me…" she hurried down the hall leaving them standing there.

"I don't know about the rest of you but I feel like shit," said Warrick.

"She's never going to forgive us if anything happens to him. Hell, we never should have agreed to any of this," said Nick.

"I'll talk with her. I'll make her see that you guys just got pulled into it in the end. She shouldn't hate all of us," sniffed Brass.

"She's just hurt right now," said Laura trying to cover the hurt in her voice. "I'll take Belle home. I'm going to stop by and see Father Brannigan. Please let me know as soon as you find out anything."

**Note from author:**

Thanks for the reviews. Please remember that if I post several chapters please review each one! You know I give you a chapter and you give me a review. Breathe in breathe out…that's it…take care! Penny


	164. Chapter 164

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty Four:**

It seemed like it had been hours but she knew that their wait had just begun. They had been moved to another floor once Grissom was moved from the E.R. Her head hurt from the constant badgering of her conscious with her heart.

_I should have known. I should have been watching him_.

She closed her eyes placing her cheek against the cool window pane and wondered how did it come down to this? How could she have missed all of the warnings signs? Had she really been so wrapped up in her new position and punishing him for pulling away that she hadn't been paying attention to the warning signs. She could see them now.

_Tired even when rested_

_Lack of energy_

_Shortness of breath_

_Rapid heart beat_

_Melancholy; detachment from family and friends_

He had other symptoms:

_High blood pressure_

_Twinge in arm that usually begins right before…_

_Chest pains that usually begins right before…_

_Cardiac arrest_

They had seen some of these symptoms. They could have warned her. They could have told her so she could have forced him to come to the hospital but nobody bothered to tell her anything.

She wasn't sure how long he had succumbed to the heart attack but she did know that it might cost him his life.

_And for what? _

_He didn't want to admit that he had a problem?_

_He didn't want to slow down and take care of himself for me and Belle and…_

_I planned to tell him about the baby. _

She wished she had not kept it from him but then what if she had told him? Would the stress of knowing he would soon be responsible for another family member have caused the heart attack to come sooner than later?

She just needed answers. Anything. She hated this hospital and now they were on a different floor, one she never dreamed they would see.

_Heart patients have their own wing. _

It was that common and while she looked across the room, she saw old people.

_Grissom's not old._

_He shouldn't be here. _

_Why did he have to take after his father? _

_Why didn't he take precautions? _

_He didn't care that's why! _

_He just wanted to make sure that damn lab was back in second place. _

She was now being led to a chair by a surgeon. They listened as the he explained the procedure.

_The medics had been able to revive him _

_Went into full arrest again while in the ER_

_Had to crack his ribs…that's like Doc does during an autopsy._

She imagined the sound of his ribs being cracked and then hands being inserted into his chest.

_I love his chest…so soft and warm and comforting…that's where his heart is…_

_What did he say about dying?_

_He wanted to be diagnosed with some terminal illness like cancer so he could have time to say goodbye…_

_He didn't say good bye…_

_God Grissom…don't say goodbye…_

She was running. She felt the bile rise and she covered her mouth trying to locate the nearest trash can. She felt warm hands rubbing her back and then someone placing a cool ice pack over her head. She felt another wave and forced her body to control the impulse.

Catherine led her back to the chair and she sat down ignoring the stares.

"You were saying," she whispered.

They asked the questions.

Then they heard the odds.

It made her want to run again. It made her want to crawl into a fetal position and hide within herself.

_He said he would love me until his last breath…_

_He's really going to die this time. _

"We need to know how you want us to proceed given the odds," said the surgeon.

She started to give her answer when Brass handed the physician something.

"Yes, of course. I'll let you decide what you want to do," said the doctor as he glanced at Sara.

"Let who decide?"

Brass took a long deep breath.

_If the bastard lives through this…_

_I'm going to personally…_

_**kiss **__his ass_

"Grissom gave me power of attorney in case of…"

"In case he had a heart attack? In case he dropped at the lab. You've been in on this from the very beginning."

"Yes, I have," he said quietly. "Look he did this some time ago not because of the heart problem but when you were pregnant with Belle. He was afraid something might happen to him. You remember how hard it was for him to make those kinds of decisions when I was shot and then worrying if the right decision was made. He didn't want you to have to experience that kind of stress while you were pregnant with Belle."

"That settles it. That was then. I'm not pregnant with Belle now. Belle is with mom so I can make the decisions…"

"No, Sara. I will."

It was like a slap in the face. She stared at him. They all stared at Brass.

"He's my husband! I'll decide unless you think I'm incapable of…"

"I think you need to step back and let me handle this."

"Like hell I will!"

"Sara!"

"You bastard! You had this all this time and never said a word to me. He never said a word. We've never kept anything from each other and now this! What gives you the right to make life and …"

"Sara"

"Life and…" He was reaching for her now as he saw the stark terror in her eyes. He grabbed her as she sunk to her knees pulling him down with her.

"Sara…you can't get upset right now…come on honey you need to pull yourself together."

Her sobs racked her entire body. Her resolve was now gone. The strong front now vanished leaving her a shell of herself.

"Sara!"

"Don't yell at her!" said Greg.

Warrick grabbed Greg's arm and held him back. Nick stood poised to intervene if Sara didn't respond to Brass.

"Sara, he didn't want you to be under any stress while you're pregnant…"

Her head shot up and their eyes met.

"This isn't good for the baby. I need you to be calm. Okay honey," he said softly.

"How?"

"Gil told me."

"How?"

"He knew."

_The trash…I didn't leave a note in the box this time…imagine his surprise…_

A laugh escaped her lips. He pulled her up trying to steady her but she was now letting go of reality. He caught her as she collapsed. Her eyes fluttered as she heard the distant voices of someone yelling.

**Note from author:**

Thanks for the reviews. Keep them coming. Thanks to the new folks that are taking the time to drop a review. Still breathing? Let's practice…breathe in breathe out…that's it…take care! Penny


	165. Chapter 165

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty Five:**

The sheets were cool to the touch. She stretched and suddenly felt the tug on her arm when she tried to move it.

_IV_

_I hate those damn things._

She closed her eyes and swiped at the tear streaming down her face.

_He's a bastard! _

_He did this to us! _

_He hid the symptoms from me and now he's going to die_

_Belle will grow up without her father…_

_I will have to explain to her why he's not around anymore. _

_I will have to tell this baby who he was because he won't even see Grissom._

_This baby will never know what it's like to be held and cherished by his father._

"Damn you Grissom! I wish I never fell in love you!" she said aloud.

"You don't mean that," said Nick.

She began to sob.

"Sara, you've always loved him just as he's always loved you. You two were meant to be together, whether its two years or nine years or a life time. Do you really mean you wish you never loved him? Never had Belle? Belle is part of Grissom. Without one there can't be…"

"Don't fight his battles for him right now. I want to be mad. I want to be pissed at him for doing this to us."

"Then be mad. We'll all take turns kicking his ass but he needs you more than any of us right now."

_I do mean it…for now anyway…_

_He hurt me…. _

She instinctively felt her abdomen and began to buzz the nurse's station.

She felt a hand on her other arm.

"It's okay, Sara," said Nick.

"Grissom?"

"He's still in surgery."

"The baby?"

"They're going to give you an ultrasound in a few minutes. I'm going to be with you the whole time. I promised Grissom to be here in case…" he pulled her hand up to his cheek.

"I'm sorry darling. We never meant to hurt you. We were only trying to…"

"The baby, Nicky. I need to focus on the baby."

He held her hand through the entire process, watching intently for any sign of a problem from the technician. He had already pulled the man aside begging him to let him know personally if anything was wrong, explaining the circumstances, showing his ID, offering him a bribe…anything to help Sara get through the ordeal if it was bad news.

She cried when she was told it was a boy. She cried even more when she realized the due date was a few days from Grissom's birthday.

_The baby is fine…_

_he has to be fine…_

_His son is going to need him._

_Belle needs him._

_I need him._

He had stepped out only for a short while when he returned to find her getting dressed.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he tried to hide his eyes while she pulled on her shirt.

"I'm going back to the waiting room."

"You need to rest."

"Nicky, the nurse just took the IV out and so that means I'm no longer dehydrated and can go back to the waiting room."

"Did she say that?"

"No, you're going to convince her while I sit here and try not to throw up again. Go!"

He disappeared and then returned with nurse in tow.

"Mrs. Grissom, he assures me that if you get to feeling bad, you'll lay down."

"Yes. I'll rest. I'll take my prenatal and I'll be sure to watch my iron levels…I'll be good…Nick could you tie my shoe?"

He grinned. "Won't be long before you won't have to worry about laces cause Grissom will make you wear those pull ons."

They smiled at one another. They returned to the waiting room but when she saw the others she could not bring herself to sit with them. She took solace in the window again staring out at the streets below.

She felt someone standing behind her but she refused to turn around.

"I'd like to be alone.."

"Sara?"

It was Doc.

She didn't reply.

"You're going to hear this from start to finish. He's always felt like he was too old for you….like he wasn't good enough for you. He wanted you to fall in love with someone younger, more your age…when you refused…and he saw how he was hurting you…he took a chance…I'd be surprised if the heart problems didn't begin then"

"…he had never loved anyone until you…he kept his heart safely tucked away……until you…he loves you…even when you married…he still couldn't fight off his demons….you know the age thing…I know how he feels sometimes….then there is the male stupidity gene that factors into all of this…he didn't want to show any weakness…"

"he feared you would realize he was an old man and you should have married someone younger…he really thought it would get better with the medication…when I saw how stubborn he was going to be I offered to monitor his condition making him check in with me every day…Brass keeping him out of the field until absolutely necessary and then watching over him when he was…Brass pulled Catherine into it so she too could help keep him out of the field as much as possible and not overwork himself…the guys found out when he over did it one night in the field…the multiple DBs on the interstate…"

"I think he knew he would have to tell you soon but then he found the pregnancy test and he suddenly became overprotective Grissom with stupidity gene working in overdrive….he wanted to wait a little longer…to see what the second tests results would reveal and praying you would tell him about the baby before he had to tell you about his condition…no one set out to hurt you Sara…we stupidly did it because we love Grissom and you and we just wanted to help the son of a bitch."

"If you had known, you would have done what Brass did. You would have gotten the others to watch over him making sure he was safe. The only difference is that it was Brass who worried every day and night that he was getting better."

"If you want to be mad then be mad but know this…we love you and we're here for you… we're also going to kick his ass when he is better and we are never going to do anything like this again… One last thing…Brass didn't deserve what you said to him. You broke his heart."

"He was caught between the love for his best friend and the woman he loves like a daughter. He didn't deserve to be kicked like that. He gave the doctor the power of attorney forms tonight because Grissom told him to do it. If Grissom dies, he didn't want you to live with that guilt on your hands. He made the decision for you. By the way, he made the right decision. You were just too damn hurt to notice it. "

She turned and watched him hobble away. She wrapped her arms protectively around her waist plopping down in the nearest chair. Her action caused Nick to immediately come sit beside her.

"Are you okay?"

"Stupid bastard"

"Sara?"

"What?"

"Father Brannigan is standing next to you."

"It's okay. I kind of like Sara's colorful metaphors from time to time," he said as he sat across from Sara.

"Any news?" he asked.

"Only that he's a stupid bastard but I guess you've already heard that. You probably already know that since you've known him for years."

"Laura wanted me to give these to you," he said as he handed her the rosary beads.

Sara took them and held them tightly in her hand.

"Did you know?" she asked.

"I'm afraid I did. He came to me one day after the first consultation. He told me he wasn't going to tell you."

"Did you tell him he should?"

"Yes and I told him you would kick his ass if he didn't," smiled Father Brannigan.

Nick chuckled.

"He never told me."

"He was trying to protect you. He always has. Sara, he gave me a letter to hold for you in case he…"

"I don't want it!"

"I'll hang on to it. He just wanted you to know some things in case he didn't get to…"

"Don't say it!"

"He loves you Sara. He did everything to make this easier for you…"

"Like hell! He didn't tell me! He told everyone else except me. Stupid bastard!"

"Sara?"

"Yes!"

"Promise me, you won't call him a stupid bastard until he's at home recovering. Okay?" asked Father Brannigan.

He continued to sit with her talking quietly with her. The gang would glance over every now and then when they would see her swipe at her eyes and cheeks. Nick remained close by despite the look she gave him every now and then.

The hours went by. Sara curled up in the chairs once Greg had located a pillow and blanket. She couldn't sleep but she knew she would need the rest. She glanced at Brass sitting quietly with Heather. His head bent low as she whispered something to him which caused him to shake his head no.

She watched as Heather walked away leaving him to sit by himself. He looked as tired as she felt. She left her make shift bed and made her way to stand in front of him.

He looked up at her and waited for her to yell at him but instead she knelt down and pulled him into an embrace whispering softly that she had not meant the words earlier. She felt the wetness on her cheeks and knew it was not hers. They sat there talking softly to one another. He telling her how it all began and she telling him, they would take turns kicking Grissom's ass when he was better.

She giggled when he admitted that he would gladly kiss his ass if he pulled through only to quickly add that he had better practice the puckering because he would do just that. He was sure of it.

She told him about the baby and he announced Grissom had already promised to name it after him ignoring the look that Doc gave him who sat in earshot. She smelled Chinese and turned to see Greg and Warrick carrying the bags toward them. She didn't have the heart to tell them the aroma only made her want to rush to the nearest bathroom or trash can.

The surgeon approached with cap in hand and Brass held her shoulders when she saw his outfit tinged in red. They all stood huddled like they had done before and their breath was held in unison waiting for him to speak.

She felt her bottom sink onto the floor with Jim's arms linked around her body protectively as the surgeon told them Grissom was a fighter.

He rattled off what they had discovered.

_Worse than they anticipated_

_He has a chance…_

_Has a strong will to live…_

_He will have a very slow recovery…_

She didn't care. He was alive. She clung to his words

**Note from author:**

**Warning!**

Thanks for the wonderful reviews. I said I would tell you when we were on the last chapters and I am sad to say that there are only 4 or 5 remaining. When I wrote the ending I wrote straight through not bothering with chapters and am now having to go through and break them up. It was not easy putting those two words at the end. I feel such sadness that the story has come to an end but I have left them in a very happy place as they deserve to be.

Take care!

Penny


	166. Chapter 166

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty Six:**

The first thing he remembered was the pain. He grimaced and tried to speak but found the tube down his throat prevented him from speaking. It was good since he wanted to curse. The pain was excruciating which he pointed out to the nurse by nodding his head when asked.

The next thing he remembered was the pain. The tube had been removed and he felt the oxygen mask now on his face. It was better than the tube but he still found it difficult to speak. It was good since he still wanted to curse. The pain was not as intense which he pointed out to the nurse by nodding his head when asked.

The third thing he remembered was the pain. The mask remained on his face as he tried to beg her to forgive him but she refused to let him speak. He thought he could if given the chance but she hushed him immediately by kissing the palm of his hand and then whispering it was a boy. He wanted her to stay but they were ushering her away. He grabbed for her setting off the alarms and causing the nurse to curse at him.

The fourth thing he remembered was the pain. He didn't want to get out of bed but they were pulling him to his feet as he cursed. Brass chuckled a few times telling him he didn't know he knew such words. He tried to tell the nurse about the pain but she told him he could not go home unless he was doing laps down the hallway. He cursed as they ushered them from the room again leaving him alone with the machines and the excruciating pain.

The fifth thing he remembered was fighting through the pain. He begged them to let him try to walk some more needing to prove that he was ready to have longer visitation. He cursed through the pain of knowing Belle could not visit with him and she had cried for dada several nights. He tried to tell the nurse what he thought about their rules but then again it was the same nurse he had cursed out several nights in a row.

The sixth thing he remembered was reminding Sara of the pain when she told him she had rewritten the list Bruno had eaten and had added to it because of the crap he made her endure. He tried to convince the nurse to talk with Sara and remind her that he was not supposed to be under any stress. She reminded him that he had cursed her out every day.

The seventh thing he remembered was feeling the pain of almost not being able to see the picture of the ultrasound marked "male" and reminding Sara they could handle another child. He reminded the nurse he needed to speak with his doctor to prescribe extra drugs so he could survive the remainder of the pregnancy. The nurse reminded him that he had not cursed in two days.

The eighth thing he remembered was feeling the pain of knowing his wife had not forgotten the lies or the secrets he kept from her and she intended to make him pay for it when he was better. He reminded the nurse to remind his wife that stress would be a factor of his ongoing recovery which would be slow…at least when it came to paybacks.

The ninth thing he remembered was feeling the pain being lifted from his heart when he saw Belle's eyes light up when the guys snuck her in for a visit on her second birthday. He sat and tried to explain why he could not be there for the birthday cake and ice cream. He then swiped the tears from his eyes when she told him she would save him a piece. She kissed his boo boo telling him he needed to be more careful next time. He reminded the nurse it would break his heart if she sent Belle away and he was sure he was not supposed be under any stress when she caught Belle in the room. She reminded him that no one gets past her station without her knowing it and winked at the guys as she left.

The tenth thing he remembered was feeling the pain of watching the guys take Belle away as she cried to stay with him. Even Sara's presence did not seem to lift his spirits as he lay there not even cursing but rather in defeat that his body now ruled what his brain did. He felt very old. The nurse cursed when he skipped his dinner but over did it trying to walk the entire hallway.

She was permitted to stay a while longer on this day sitting with him and holding his hand while he stared out the window. Conversation consisted of a short reply to her questions with no further dialogue offered from him. She had brought the pictures of the small party at the townhouse and she tried to tell him every detail about the day. He merely nodded whispering thank you when she said Greg had videotaped the event for him to see later. She thought perhaps her presence was not helping but as she began to leave he grabbed her hand and held it tightly.

She felt him pulling her close and she held him as she felt the wetness on his cheek. She knew that depression was a fear with the severity of his illness and now pneumonia threatened his lungs. As she kissed his temple she heard him rasp,

"I want to come home. Please make them let me come home."

There was no rational thought behind his statement as he lay there forcing his lungs to breathe as the pneumonia took hold. Already the IV had returned to his arm and fluids were being distributed throughout his body and yet he continued to beg her to make them release him. For a brief second, she wanted to yank the nasty needles out, dress him quickly and sneak him out but then she knew her thoughts were no longer rational as well. She did what she could to comfort him, kissing him over and over telling him he would come home soon as she wiped away both of their tears.

She wasn't sure whether she should be alarmed or thankful that the nurse was now pulling in a cot for her to stay with him. She knew that it was against the floor policy but yet the woman was setting up a make shift bed for her, alerting the other staff that sometimes rules had to be adjusted. She called Doc having him to review his charts and discuss what the latest set back meant.

He woke a few times during the night and her presence seemed to lift his spirits. She read from his book that had been delivered by Nick along with a change of clothing and toiletries. Once word got out that Sara had been permitted to stay, the others found themselves hanging around the waiting room as if they feared he might take a turn for the worse. She had not noticed until the nurse mentioned their presence and she sent them home insisting that Grissom was fine.

As the hours passed, the mask returned followed by additional IVs and she tried to swallow the large lump in her throat as she watched his labored breathing. She was even more shocked when Father Brannigan arrived at the request of the nurse and they stood over Grissom in prayer. He seemed to be in and out of consciousness but he grasped her hand when he saw the fear in her eyes. She kept her head next to his, feeling his cheek next to hers whispering in his ear that if he would get over the pneumonia Doc would get him out of the hospital.

Of course she had not discussed this with Doc but she didn't care. She needed him to believe he would be coming home soon. She needed to believe that as another day came and went. On the third day, he seemed better. When Sara woke, the mask was gone along with some of the IVs. His breathing was less labored and he was awake. He ate breakfast and made himself sit up. With some assistance, he walked around the room twice before collapsing back into his bed for a nap.

By midafternoon, he was back up and attempting to make it to the hallway. He was scolded by the nurse who led him back to bed chuckling as Sara slept through the entire event. Doc returned and reviewed his charts. He took his own vitals and was pleased at the progress.

"Looks like you're beating the pneumonia. A couple of more days and you should be over it."

It was his sense of melancholy that worried them. He missed Belle and while she had been permitted to visit with him, it hurt him to be away from her. Once the mask was removed they had allowed him to call Belle but now the phone calls only seemed to make him depressed when the little girl would beg for him to come home. He didn't ask for his books nor did he ask her to read to him.

He spent the next two days pleading with Sara and Doc to make the arrangements for his release telling them he would heal faster if he were at home. "I won't over do it. I can rest in our bed just as easy as I can here."

"You can't get up and do whatever you want, Gil."

"I won't. I promise. I just want to be at home."

The final thing he remembered about the pain was his disappointment when the doctor rattled off the restrictions for going home:

_No lifting Belle…_

_At least I get out of trash duty.._

_No baths with Belle but still get showers with Sara…_

_No driving but then again I totaled my car_

_Rest period every day…naps with Belle_

_Check temperature every day…hope Sara's gets over being mad… she might require it be done rectally.._

_Diet and exercise every day…you're kidding right? I live with a vegetarian and a toddler_

"What about sex?" he blurted out as the physician began to get up. His face turned red as the others chuckled.

"Four weeks unless you wife is still pissed at you which means it could be longer."

_Should have cursed him out…_

He was going home the next day. He had gotten out of bed and made it halfway down the hall before returning to sit breathlessly on the edge of the bed. It had been a major accomplishment since he had been fighting a bout of pneumonia. The only reason he was being released was Doc's promise to check in every day as his private physician.

He seemed a bit unsettled these last few days, trying to talk with her about his deception. He placed the blame fully on himself, begging her to not be angry with the others. She had slowly come around to accepting their part in the deception and their reasoning but she swore she would never lie to him the way he had done, however she would later discover that sometimes a lie was kinder than the truth.

**Note from author:**

I have really enjoyed the reviews. I would post all of the chapters at once but I received a request to not end it before tomorrow so I am going to honor that request. Also, someone asked if I had written this all at once and the answer is no. When I began writing it, I only had a few ideas for the first twenty chapters. Sometimes, I would release everything I had written and then say to myself "what do I do now?" It made me write! I think I wrote the most when I was at the Stanley Hotel, spending only a few hours at a time in front of the computer but they were the most productive. It may have been because I was there alone without family dog or cats or it could have been the nice ghosts that prompted me to write. I miss the place so much… Anyway, I have tinkered with the chapters each day, it's like I'm possessed with the wording or perhaps it's the letting go of them. I really miss the couple. The show no longer holds my interest as I know that Sara is not there with Grissom as she should be because anyone who has really watched the show in the last eight years knows Sara would never leave Grissom. Without one the other could not exist.

Take care, Penny


	167. Chapter 167

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty Seven:**

On his first day home, he went straight to bed without being told and remained there for the rest of the day. Just the short trip home had used up all of his energy. He tried to make light of it as he wiped the sweat from his forehead hoping she had not noticed it. He read a story to Belle and listened to her tell about her new microscope Uncle Greg had given her for her birthday.

He tried to argue when Sara sent the child away to play outside but as soon as the little girl left the room, he was fast asleep. Sara stayed with him, refusing to leave his side constantly watching his chest move up and down. He woke to pain having rolled to his stomach before Sara could stop him. He cursed as he rolled onto his back.

"Okay?"

"Fine," he had muttered. He wasn't fine. While he had longed to come home, he suddenly found that the simplest tasks were now obstacles. He tried to get up from the bed but found himself stuck. In the hospital he had merely pushed the button causing the bed to mobilize. Now he had to wait for someone to help.

Once he was on his feet, he made his way to the bathroom, hoping to shower and change before spending time with Belle. He watched as she stood at the door entrance waiting for him to arrive. He knew she intended to shower with him. She hurried to the dresser when she heard the sound of her phone. He quickly sped up shutting the door behind him.

As he stood there he pulled off the bandage and stared in the mirror. The hideous gash on his chest glared at him. It was quite tender as he touched it. He had hidden it from her during his stay in the hospital begging the nurse to replace the bandages when Sara was not present. She had been sympathetic and understanding. He knew it would be a matter of time before she saw it but at least it would have healed some. He stared at it and cursed. It wasn't much better.

_You're alive…_

_You could be dead…_

_Your father died of a heart attack…_

_Your grandfather also…_

He heard footsteps and he quickly turned on the shower pretending to ignore the soft tapping. He sat there on the edge of the bath tub willing his body to get up and take the shower. The click of the door made his head jerk up as it slowly opened.

_Damn! I didn't lock the door…_

"Gil?"

"I'm okay. I can do this."

"I know you can but Belle scraped her knee and we need a band aide. She searched the cabinet pulling out a character one and then closed the door behind her. She smiled when she heard him following her.

The little girl sat on the edge of their bed, sniffling.

"She fell off the porch steps…she needs to slow down," said Sara in a motherly voice.

"Phone?"

"Just the gang wanting an update," she said as she knelt down in front her daughter.

"Bad boo boo dada."

"Yes, I can see that. Mommy has a special band aide that will help," he said as he stood there with robe firmly closed.

Sara placed the antibiotic spray on first followed by the band aide causing Belle to wail.

"It hurts dada! It's not special! Hold me please!"

He stood there and watched as his daughter's little arms extended to him. Sara bit her lip. He knelt down and hugged her to him kissing her gently on the forehead.

"Dada can hug but I can't hold just yet little bug. Dada still has boo boo."

"Need band aide?" she asked as she held up another character one.

"I've got one, thanks." He said as he smiled.

He watched as Laura took Belle by the hand and they returned outside to play.

He tried to pull himself up but she was already there helping him to his feet.

"That must have hurt….not being able to hold her…Gil?"

He was heading back to the bathroom shutting the door behind him. She stood by the door and listened for the water but none came. She started to walk away when she heard him call her.

She opened the door slowly and saw him sitting on the edge of the tub again.

"Do you ever regret loving me?" he said softly.

She remembered her outbursts in the hospital and decided sometimes a lie was needed.

"No."

"I've always thought I was too old…" he began.

"Stop it," she said quietly.

"Sara, you deserve…"

"I deserve to be with you. I've always wanted you…no one else…I would never want anyone else…"

"What if I…"

"I'll add to the list if you say anything else…"

"No, you won't. You're afraid now that I'm going to…"

"Stop…please."

"The letter I wrote…"

"Gil…"

"I just want you to be happy. I've always wanted you to be happy. If not with me…"

"Do you want to keep hurting me?"

"God, Sara, I've never wanted to hurt you…I was only trying to…"

"Then stop. I have everything I ever wanted. Your love…your children…we even have a dog… did I ever tell you how thankful I am that you didn't say goodbye? You've broken just about all of the rules except one."

_One can not exist without the other_

"About the rules, I think we need to amend that one. The kids need…"

"Number eleven," she said.

"Excuse me?"

"You're now up to eleven on the list. Want to go for twelve? Although with this pregnancy who knows what number you'll be at by then."

"So how long do I have to complete the list?"

"Thirty years"

"Sara. I won't live…"

"Twelve"

He smiled. He prayed he was around another thirty years but the math did not add up. He would be well into his eighties by then. He would settle for twenty. Hell, he would settle for a single moment with her in his arms.

_I want to die in your arms…_

_I want to take my last breath loving you…_

_I won't tell you that…_

_You'll just add to the list…_

"Would you let me hold you?" he asked gruffly.

She was down on her knees immediately holding him gently ever mindful of his battered chest.

"Does it hurt much?" she whispered.

"Only when I breathe," he said but then quickly added, "better than being dead."

"Could I see?" she asked.

She felt his body stiffen but he slowly released her opening the robe.

She wanted to gasp but kept her bottom lip firmly tucked between clenched teeth.

_It looks like a cadaver's chest after an autopsy…_

_But he's alive…_

_He's breathing…_

_Thank God he's breathing…_

She softly ran her finger along the gash. It was hot to the touch. She leaned over placing feathery kisses along the gash stopping each time to tell him how thankful she was that she had fallen in love with him…that he had taken a chance and let himself love her… she had no regrets…except that he was too ill to kick his ass for all of the grief he had given her over the last couple of months.

It had been too much and he began to chuckle causing him intense pain but worth the last bit of strength he had. She helped him shower, washing him gently as he stood leaning against the shower wall. She did it quickly feeling his strength slowly fading with each minute that he stood. She helped with his night shirt, buttoning it up for him. It had been quick. Already he was asleep. She lay there with him gently saying inside her head,

_Breathe in_

_Breathe out _

_That's good_

_Breathe in_

_Breathe out_

_That's good…._

She slept.

He was determined when he woke. He knew that if he rolled to his side, he would reach her. It took most of his strength but he managed to do it without much of a struggle. She grinned when she felt his warm hand softly settle on her abdomen. She kept her eyes shut lavishing in the moment. She had missed him in their bed. She had not intended to deceive him as he sat there and whispered his confessions to who he thought was a sleeping wife.

"I don't regret this baby. I don't think we would have considered having another child after this…I'm glad you're pregnant…I know you didn't want another child but I did…I just never thought you would want to take the chance and try again…we have Belle and you always said she was enough…I could never have enough with you…"

"I know it's my fault you're pregnant…I think you tried to warn me that night but I wanted you so much…I was being selfish and not thinking about the consequences…you have no idea how much it hurt when you said you didn't want another child…knowing that you had already taken the test…it seems apologies are all that I seem to be able to give you these days…"

She heard the slight crack in his voice as he whispered he loved her and then she could sense from his even breathing he was asleep again. She berated herself by not telling him that she was happy about the baby, wondering how long he had felt guilty for the pregnancy. He was right. They would not have considered another child after the heart attack. It had happened at the right time. She lay there awhile listening to his breathing before she pulled herself closer to his body laying her head gently on his shoulder.

"Don't you ever say good bye…"

"I was so afraid you were going to…"

"It made me so angry that you kept this from me…"

"I cursed…at you…"

"I even said I wished I had never fallen in love with you."

"I meant it…then…God how I hated myself for feeling like that."

"I was hurt…I was so afraid that you were going to die…"

"God, I've never been so scared…"

"I'm still scared…"

She held him tightly as he lay there with eyes shut and listened to her confessions. Sometimes confessions were not good for the soul or the heart.

**Note from author:**

Reviews happy Penny. Remember, please give a review for each chapter please!! I so love that couple. Sigh! Take care, Penny


	168. Chapter 168

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty Eight**

The next day, he seemed to feel better. She helped him get up but he insisted on showering alone. Her pouting made him reconsider. The shower was filled with kisses and tears and soft murmurings from Sara thanking him for giving her another child. The shower was followed by breakfast with his two favorite girls and then restricted to bed rest when he admitted he seemed a bit winded.

On the third day, he got up, snuck into the shower by himself, ate breakfast with the girls and then sat down for a movie with Belle while Sara did paperwork. He tried to walk down to check on the bees but found he had walked too far and had to have help getting back. It was the first time Sara threatened to take his temperature rectally. He slept during the story time with Belle making Sara recheck his temperature since he seemed so tired.

On the fourth day, he got up skipping the shower, nibbled at breakfast and then headed back to bed. Sara watched helplessly as the thermometer indicated a fever. She read the discharge forms over and over.

_If temp is over 101 for 24 hours…. It just started…_

_What happens if there is infection?_

He assured her he was just tired. He slept for the rest of the day, Sara by his side. By evening he was awake and feeling much better. She thought she would cry when she checked his temperature and it was normal. He showered and sat in the kitchen eating dinner.

Once they were finished, he forced himself to walk around the house with Belle following. Sara grinned as Grissom turned his exercise into a game of follow the leader. Once he had walked for twenty minutes, he was back in bed with Belle on one side and Sara on the other for story time.

"I should take her to bed," Sara whispered as she saw Belle fast asleep snuggled next to Gil.

"Let her stay, for a little while. Let's talk," he offered. She smiled slightly but took Belle to her room anyway but returned to lay with him. When he asked to talk again, she pulled out her poetry book and read to him smiling as he caressed her abdomen not seeing the hurt that appeared on his face.

On the fifth day, he got up, showered and Brass met him at the door, telling him to get his ass outside for a walk. He filled him in on his antics with Heather which caused Grissom to laugh uncontrollably resulting in a severe coughing spell followed by severe pain. Sara then threatened to take Jim's temp rectally if he made Grissom laugh like that again.

On the sixth day, he got up, showered and found Sara back in bed; morning sickness had been bad. He took his walk with Belle and Laura leaving Sara to rest in peace. They played with her microscope toy set looking at bugs and grass and flowers and dirt and whatever she could sneak in out of the backyard without getting caught by Laura.

On the seventh day, he got up, showered and then helped with breakfast while Sara rested; the events of the past couple of weeks now catching up with her. The gang came for a visit before shift. He sat and watched while they played with Belle in the back yard thankful that his friends had been there for Sara and Belle while he had been in the hospital.

It was after the first week, that he felt good enough to approach the subject again for a session. She shot down the idea stating she was not ready to have a session citing the urge to do bodily harm to him for his lies and deception. He found himself begging her to forgive him citing the heart problems as the culprit.

"Not enough blood to the brain…not buying that are you?"

He was told she was adding to the list because of his further deception. He ordered flowers. She gave them to Belle. He had Greg to deliver smoothies. Belle loved it. It made her sick. He had Laura arrange a picnic in the park. Belle loved it. Sara loved it. So did he until she told him she was returning to work the next week.

He was quiet for the remainder of the day. The picnic was finished and then they packed up to go back. Normally they would walk to the park but Grissom was not ready to make such a long trip in his condition so they had driven. The drive was short but the silence stretched farther as they returned to the townhouse. Laura took Belle into the nursery for a nap leaving the two alone.

"Tired?" she asked.

"No," he had replied although she could tell he was having difficulty standing.

"I'm tired. I think I'm going to lie down for awhile. Join me?" she asked.

He followed. He lay there quietly with his eyes closed but she knew he was awake.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Laura is going to live here for awhile. I'll feel better knowing that you're not alone. "

"Fine." She caught the barb but she ignored it.

"We're going to be discussing how to redistribute the teams to help cover the shortages right now."

"I know this was bad timing…"

"It's not like you intentionally made yourself have a heart attack…did you?"

"No, Sara. I was trying not to do that."

They were silent for a moment before he grabbed her hand.

"We need to talk."

"Not yet."

"Sara, I need a session. I need to explain some things…"

"Not yet. It's too soon. You are in no condition to…"

"What? For you to yell at me? I need you to yell at me. Are you afraid the first time I get upset, the old ticker is going to give out on me?"

"No…yes…look I'm still trying to get used to this. You scared the hell out of me. I'd be dealing with this a lot better if you had included me in your plans so I could have prepared myself for this."

"Sara, this wasn't in the plan. I didn't plan on having a heart attack. The plan was to go on medication and try to resolve the problem before resorting to surgery. The plan was not to have a damn full blown heart attack, wreck my car, have my daughter in tears because her father can't come home and have someone hold your hand while you see our son for the very first time. It wasn't the damn plan!"

He had not intended to raise his voice but once he was finished he wished he hadn't. He tried to calm himself when he felt his left arm twinge.

"This is why I don't want to talk about this right now. You're not ready for this. You shouldn't be getting upset."

"I'm sorry Sara. There's just so much we've put off. We never should have done that. We never should have stopped communicating."

"The only communication we had was between the sheets. That's the only form of communication we kept going. Of course little did I know that at any time you could have…"

"Could have what?"

"Nothing."

"Could have had the damn heart attack while making love to you. That's what I was doing…it sure as hell wasn't sex!"

"Look, we're not ready to get into all of this now. There's been too much that's happened in the last couple of months that needs discussion but not now. Now is not the time to be talking about why you pulled away…" She wished she had not said that as she knew it only spurred him on.

"It's my fault. I became obsessed with the Johnson case. I hated how Ecklie had pushed the crew. I wasn't much better to them. Hell, I remember telling Hodges to get the report on my desk ASAP and that I didn't want there to be a back log of cases. I didn't help." _Here we go, now He's going to admit what an ass he was with the Johnson case…_

"Wait. You would have caught the error. You would have made them go through it again. You always make them repeat the process. You wouldn't have been so quick to crucify our own people for the sake of the media. Ecklie did. Don't put yourself on the same playing field with Ecklie." _I wasn't much better…I should have watched out for the crew…_

"Sara, a mistake…"

"Stop this! Not now. I'm not going to do this with you. There's going to be a time for this. You're not ready for this and I'm not going to let you push yourself."

"When? When do you think we'll be able to talk again? When you go back to work? In a couple of weeks? When you're struggling through the pregnancy and handling too many cases because I'm not there to make sure that doesn't happen? When? It's going to get worse…"

"No, it's not. You've been home for a week. You can't even walk down to the bee house and back yet."

"I'm worried about us."

"We're fine." He looked at her.

"You broke a rule. Unless it was intentional and that was code for we're in trouble."

"Gil, you're trying to pick a fight…."

"I'm trying to talk with you…"

"I'm trying to keep you calm."

"God Sara! Stop treating me like some invalid who's going to fall over dead with the first crisis."

"I'm not treating you like an invalid. You don't need to be stressed."

"Stress? There's always going to be stress. What do you think is going to happen when you go back to work? I'm going to be stressed. I'm going to worry about if you're taking care of yourself or if you feel well enough to get through a shift. I'm going to worry about the coverage because I'm not there."

He placed his hand over his arm.

"I'm going to worry about how I'm going to get back on my feet so I don't feel like an invalid myself. I'm going to worry that Belle will notice her father can't do things with her and probably won't be able to for quite awhile…what happens if she gets hurt and I need to lift her but I can't…stress hell! I have stress all the damn time so don't try to sit there and feed me any bullshit!"

"You want a session? Fine! Let's have a discussion on deception."

His chest was heaving now.

"You want to fix us? Then don't lie to me. Don't ever keep anything from me. If there is a problem we fix it before we go to sleep, before we eat, before we go our separate ways. No keeping things from one another or have our family hide things from each other…oh and let's not forget those marriage vows. You know the part about 'in sickness and in health.' Was that just bullshit to you? I took mine seriously!"

"Don't talk to me about deception," he said quietly.

"I've never deceived you."

"Yes, you have."

"When?"

"When you told me you never regretted loving me. I heard you that morning in bed. You could have told me the truth in the bathroom when I asked you but you lied instead. You were just afraid I would…"

"Stop it! The only reason I felt like that is because you kept your medical condition from me and in a moment of anger I did wish I had not fallen in love with you but that was it…a moment…like right now…I have the strong urge to kick your ass!"

"Sara?"

"Yes!"

"I'm not going to keep anything from you anymore."

"Right."

"I mean it…don't you trust me any more? If there's no trust then we're not going to make it."

"Are you listening to yourself? Who lied here?"

"I did… I had my reasons …I promise… I won't do that again. No matter… what… the circumstances."

"No deceptions. No lies. I won't put up with that bullshit anymore."

"Sara?"

"Yes!"

He took a deep breath only to gasp for more.

"I … can't breathe…not keeping… anything from… you …anymore."

She panicked. She reached for the phone and began to dial 911.

Note from author:

Remember, breathe in, breathe out…. Reviews please. Take care Penny


	169. Chapter 169

**Chapter One Hundred Sixty Nine:**

"Call doc…can be here quicker… don't… scare Belle…"

"You could be having another freaking heart attack and you want me to call doc?"

"I'm not…don't… think so. Please…."

She called with her hand on his wrist taking his pulse.

"You just had to push yourself. Not thinking about us…"

"thinking… about us. It's all… I've done…. Since…damn hospital…need … stop talking…"

"Any pain?"

He shook his head as he continued to struggle for air.

"Look at me. Focus… breathe in…breathe out…that's it…just breathe…keep breathing…slow and easy…"

His breathing seemed to come easier as he closed his eyes focusing on her words. It took him back to the Lamaze class and he would have chuckled if he had enough air in his lungs to do so.

She quickly noticed his hand holding his arm and she cursed. _I was too busy venting my frustrations I wasn't paying attention…_

The twinge in his arm scared him. Doc was there immediately having sped through town.

Sara rushed to the door ushering him to the bedroom.

"We were talking…okay it started to get a little heated…I know what you're thinking…I told him no. I told him it was too soon but he wouldn't listen…"

"Sara!" yelled Doc.

She stopped.

"Calm down. Both of you need to calm down."

"Gil, any chest pains?"

He shook his head.

"Any tightening of the chest?"

"twinge…arm"

"He was having trouble catching his breath. He couldn't seem to get in enough air."

"Panic attack, most likely but the arm thing is a sign that…you need to calm down. Gil, is it getting better or worse?"

"Better"

"Still feel the twinge in your arm?"

"Not much."

"I'm going to give you something to help you. No more talking. It can wait. If you want to avoid another hospital trip, shut up and stay in bed…I'll come back and check on you tomorrow. In the meantime, no talking. It can wait."

"How long? No talking …wasn't…restriction." He was getting agitated again.

"Gil, you can talk just don't get upset. If you're going to get upset, skip the talk."

"Hell! That's what… got me a heart attack… in the… first place! Doesn't… make… any damn sense!" His chest was heaving again.

"Gil!"

"What… the hell… is the… matter… with me?"

"You're not giving yourself time to heal."

"It's… been… a damn… week!"

"Gil!"

He glared at Doc.

"You're making your wife cry."

He looked at Sara and suddenly he was reaching for her. "Sorry… Honey…. I'll… shut up."

He did. They sat with him until the shot took effect, his hand firmly grasping hers. She sat there silently counting his breaths.

"How are you?" asked Doc.

She swiped at her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.

"He's upset that I told him I'm going back to work next week. He's worried about me."

"Are you ready to go back?"

"No…I'm worried about him but I also know he'll worry about the lab."

"I see so you're going to go back to help cover the lab but he's still going to be worried about you…you know you guys need to talk."

She chuckled. "He tried…"

"You need to let him talk...hold the debate until later…Sara, he's got a long recovery ahead of him. I saw his medical records. He really fought hard to stay here with you…most don't survive that kind of surgery. Be firm but let him feel like he has some control. Remember, he's used to doing things on his own…he's old fashioned…he needs to feel needed…you need to consider the stupidity gene also and not let this happen again. "

He patted her hand sitting with her for an hour and then left leaving her to sit there continuously counting his breaths until she felt her own exhaustion. He woke a few hours later to find her curled up next to him. He remembered the incident and suddenly felt ashamed for causing it to get out of hand.

"Sara?"

"How do you feel?"

"Good. I just got a bit upset. I won't let that happen again. I'm so.."

"Don't say you're sorry. We both had a part in this. You were right. We need to talk but we just need to know when to stop if it's getting too heated. Gil, I know we let a lot of things pile up and believe me I have a list for about twenty sessions but some can wait. Some however, can't."

She sat and waited for him to say something but he lay there forcing himself to remain quiet.

"Okay, let's discuss some things."

He looked at her odd and she smiled.

"Session time. What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't need to talk," he said. It was her turn to look at him odd.

"Fine, Oh sorry. Good. I need to talk."

"Okay," he said quietly.

"I don't want to go back to work just yet."

"Good"

"Are you going to worry about the lab?"

"No."

"Gilbert"

"The lab will be fine with Catherine. I know they're short handed…."

"Can you accept that?"

"Yes…are you staying home because of me?"

"Yes and no. I'm staying because of you, Belle and I'm pregnant."

"Do you want to quit your job?"

"I'm not sure."

"Would you have quit if I didn't have the heart condition?"

"You had a heart attack, Gil. Say it."

"Okay I had a full blown heart attack having my heart to stop twice…three shocks by the medics and then two by the ER staff…"

"That's enough, Gil. I just wanted to make sure you weren't in denial."

"Kind of hard to be in denial with the reminder on my chest."

"Where were we?"

"You were avoiding my question," he said.

"No, I wasn't. I worked even when I was pregnant with Belle…"

"But now you're going to have Belle and…you know we need to come up with a name…"

"I know…It's not going to be easy. I think we'll have to seriously look at our shifts."

"I've been thinking about that," he said. "I want to spend time with you and the kids. I'm considering retirement."

His revelation hung in the air. While she was thrilled she was also worried that he was only saying it because of his current condition and he would regret the decision later.

"You can't retire," she said matter of fact.

"I can. With my retirement pension and the portfolio we can still live comfortably. I could continue with my research on the bee colony…. You don't have to work either."

"Would you be happy giving up the lab?"

"I would be happy knowing that I have you and the kids and we were able to spend what time we have left being together."

"Don't say it like that!"

"I'm sorry Sara. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not dying but I feel like we've missed out on so much with Belle. If we had normal job schedules, it would be easier but we don't. She's growing up so quickly and soon we'll have a baby who will need just as much attention."

She waited awhile and let what they had said sink in. Kissing him firmly on the lips, she looked straight into his eyes.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Good cause I've been waiting to call you a stupid bastard."

He grinned.

"See, no heart attack."

She smiled but it quickly faded. "Do you have any idea how it felt to stand there and find out everyone knew but me?"

"Belle didn't know either."

"It's not funny."

"No it's not. I didn't want to hurt you. I know my excuses seem lame to you but if I had to do them over, I would…"

_This is so going to be a session later but not now…it can wait…_

"Want me to call you stupid bastard again?"

"I think you just did."

"When are you going to talk with Catherine?"

"In a couple of weeks."

"You know you could teach, if you wanted. You're good. I know we tease you about being boring but you're not. You're the best in the field…"

"Sara, I don't need the lab to make me happy. I need you."

She kissed him fully on the lips taking in his lips between her teeth and slowly deepening the kiss until she felt him pulling away.

"No cold showers. I still have a couple of weeks before we can…"

"I'm still pissed."

"I'll have to work on that, won't I?"

"We're not going to make love until you can walk down to the bee house and back without being out of breath."

"I couldn't do that before the heart attack."

"You have a goal. I suggest you work at it."

**Note from author:**

One more chapter left….Happy Birthday to "My Kate"! It's her birthday today! Check out her writing…it's very good! Leave the reviews! Take care! Penny


	170. Chapter 170

**Chapter One Hundred Seventy:**

It was hard to watch him every day trying to make it further and further. Some days, he would push himself too much causing set backs. He soon learned he would have to pace himself, making small strides each day, setting small goals until he was finally able to make it to the bee house. Now, he just had to work on the return.

It wasn't easy seeing him struggle but she kept a firm distance so he would not feel smothered. She remembered Doc's words and made sure he regained his independence. She bit every fingernail on each hand watching him struggle to do the simplest of tasks but soon he was doing them.

Each time he would return from the bee house, he would smile at her with a glee in his eye. She would return his smile but inwardly she was frightened to death that the very reward he was striving for would cause him to suffer an attack. She had done her research. She had spoken with the doctors but she still felt a sense of uneasiness knowing that the time was approaching.

For him, it was like an upcoming world series and with each accomplishment, he tallied his stats leaving love notes in her book of poetry letting her know how much he look forward to making love to her again.

She did not share his feelings and secretly longed for some excuse to put off what he so desperately wanted. With each passing day her anxiety grew, sometimes causing her to lie awake at night listening for any clue that might indicate his heart was not ready.

She even chanced a conversation one night asking him if he felt strong enough reminding him how breathless he might become but he only smiled and told her she always took his breath away. She had cried at his statement quickly blaming it on the pregnancy hormones but he knew different. She was afraid of losing him. The fear of death could be cruel.

He remembered the feeling. It had taken him months to recover from nearing losing her in the desert. Even now, the feeling would creep up and he would have to pull her close to him reminding himself to not take for granted what could be gone tomorrow. It had been her love and patience that had sustained him all those months following her kidnapping.

With each nightmare, she would allow him to pull her tightly to him and hold her despite the pain she must have felt. She was always mindful of his needs placing his needs above her own. That was his Sara ever loving, ever caring ever the center of his heart. Now he would do the same.

"Walk with me," he said one evening. They took their usual trail, down toward the bee house.

"I called Catherine. I told her I needed to see her about our future with the department."

"I bet she seemed a bit unnerved by that comment."

"If she was, she didn't let on. She only wants the best for us."

"I know but it's been hard with both of us gone. Nick…"

"Sara, I don't want to know."

She glanced at him. It was the first time he had given any indication that he was concerned about the condition of the lab.

"Belle has enjoyed our time with her. I think she's getting spoiled."

"Only by her father,"

"She reminds me so much of you. It's hard to say no to her."

"Better start practicing. I think there is going to be some jealously when the baby comes."

"We won't let that happen. We'll just pay her extra attention. I'm sure the guys won't mind an extra day or two during the week with Belle."

"Greg spends too much time with her now. She has him wrapped around her little finger."

Grissom smiled. _Me too._

"I wanted to talk with you about something," said Grissom

"Want to save it for the session tonight?"

"No, that's what I wanted to talk with you about."

"I don't understand."

"Tonight…I wanted to talk with you about tonight."

"Okay. I'm having those pregnancy moments. I'm not following this conversation."

"Sara, it's time."

"Time?"

He stopped walking and kissed her palm.

"We just walked to the bee house and back and I'm not out of breath. We've even been chatting the whole time."

She looked up and was surprised at how far they had walked in such a short time without her even noticing.

"Oh."

"You don't seem excited."

"I uhm am."

"You're scared aren't you?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"I'm not going to die."

She cried. It was a slight trickle of a tear followed by another one until she stood sobbing in his arms. He held her tightly kissing her gently while whispering softly in her ear. Laura came running out to the back but Grissom motioned for her to leave them. She quickly shut the door so Belle would not see her mother in tears.

"When you're ready we can," he said.

Dinner came and went. They had some family time together before Sara gave Belle a bath and put her to bed. Grissom had retired to the bedroom and sat reading a book in bed. She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled out her baby name book.

"Want to look at names?"

"I thought we had already promised Brass?"

"Jim Grissom"

They looked at one another.

"I don't think that's going to work," sighed Sara.

"We have plenty of time… Sara what's wrong?" he asked

"I just felt the baby move!" she exclaimed.

He quickly made his way over to her side. He seemed a bit disappointed when he didn't feel anything.

"You have plenty of time," she retorted.

"Using my words?"

She smiled.

He put the book away and turned off his lamp. She pulled the covers back slipping in beside him until she was nestled in the crook of his arm. He gently leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"I think it's time," she said quietly.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Promise me, you'll go slow?"

"I'm not sure I can do that since it's been so long but I'll try… Sara you shouldn't hit a man who's recovering from heart surgery."

"Grissom?"

"Yes, Grissom"

"Shut up and love me."

She giggled when he rolled over and attacked her neck with his lips. He quickly grasped her lips with his and drank deeply. Her body ached to be touched by him and they felt the old familiar excitement beginning to build. He went slow, intentionally taking his time with each piece of her clothing.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"When I meant slow, you could speed it up a little…"

He grinned. He made love to her gently entering her and stopping to ensure they were on the same level of arousal before starting the same age old rhythm they had perfected over the years. He found himself suddenly feeling complete again. He struggled to maintain a sense of slowness but he could not stop his body from taking over. He kissed her lovingly with each thrust reassuring her that he was fine…

She let him make love to her again in the early morning hours. He woke to find her kissing him gently on his chest.

"I love your chest" she said softly.

"I love yours too especially now that it's going to get…" He stopped.

He waited for her to say something but she just gawked at him.

"How many is that going to cost me?" he asked.

"It depends."

"You mean I can bargain my way out of this one?"

"You might."

"Okay, I'm game."

"love me"

"Always," he whispered "until my last …."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"It better be good…. and keep your mouth shut so you don't dig the hole deeper."

He chuckled.

She sat on the porch steps watching Belle play in her sandbox while Catherine sat at the table with Gil. She waited for him to begin the discussion about the lab and was surprised when Catherine told him she had an offer for him.

"We've been brainstorming a lot about the turn over rate and burn out for new recruits and we thought about revamping the department."

Sara glanced at Grissom. _Don't get upset…so the department is going to change…._

"I wanted to make you an offer, actually it's an offer for both of you," she looked at Sara and smiled.

"Let's hear it," he said.

"Gil..." began Sara.

"We can hear the offer before we tell what we've decided."

Catherine looked a bit worried. "Okay, so I better have a good sales pitch after the sound of that. We want to have a day shift separate from the regular day shift that is made up of new recruits. Throwing the new recruits into the late night or swing shift is hard on everyone. We can't control the types of cases they come upon but this way we can."

"They would be in this new unit for six months before being parceled out to the other shifts. During that time, they would work on actual cases but the cases would be handpicked by the supervisors who would work with them throughout the cases teaching them the correct methods…you know how they are when they are fresh out of the academy…greener than…you know what I mean."

"Anyway, it's a straight nine to five job…no overtime…paperwork is involved since you have to evaluate the new recruits letting the department know if it would be good to keep them, what shift they would best fit in…you know the jest. It would give you the opportunity to spend time with Belle and the new baby while doing what you love. You still love what you do, right? Grissom?"

He had been silent during the whole speech looking at Belle and then at Sara.

"Sara?"

"Sounds good…almost too good. What happens when the vacancies are filled and recruits stay rather than leave? What happens to us?"

"I'm glad you asked that; if this is a success and we know it will be, then when there is any down time, you guys will be working on researching new equipment or new techniques."

He looked at Sara.

"Your name is impressive in the field and the companies jumped at the chance to do research with you."

"Wait, I don't rub shoulders with…"

"Gil, the companies want you to test their new equipment and give your approval. They feel that if you put your name behind it then other departments would be willing to buy it. It's a win win situation. How many times have we purchased equipment only to find out it has some kinks in it?"

It piqued his interest.

"How does the department benefit from the research?" asked Sara.

"What ever Grissom approves, other departments are willing to purchase the equipment based on his approval. The lab qualifies for a grant, a huge grant. It's to ensure there's no partiality to any one company."

Sara looked at Grissom.

"I would be working with you."

"What about the kids?" asked Grissom.

"You would have evenings and weekends. Did I tell you about your salary increase along with nice benefit package?" asked Catherine.

He was silent waiting for her to answer.

She was silent waiting for him to answer.

They were both silent.

"Take a walk with me Sara," he said as he got up slowly.

They walked hand in hand down toward the bee house.

"Best offer we'll ever get," he said.

"You would still be doing what you love," she said.

"We would be working together. We could keep an eye on each other," he grinned.

"We could build up a nice nest egg for the kids' tuition," she said.

"We could always quit if it didn't work out," he said.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

They looked up and they were standing at the bee house entrance. He smiled.

He pulled her close kissing her tenderly. "Race you back."

The End.

**Note from author:**

There's those two words up there….it makes me sad…I am sorry I did not post this yesterday but a transformer blew and we were out of power for awhile. UGH! It seemed there were forces working against me. I know that some of you thought Grissom should retire and quite frankly so did I but then one night I realized Grissom would not want to leave like that…he would want to go on his own terms rather than health issues. I know some of you wanted to see the birth of boy Grissom but it just never happened so if you think you need to hear about one more birth then let me know and I can write one last chapter.

Thanks to all of the readers who have been so ever faithful during this story and left so many wonderful reviews. They kept me going on those sleepless nights as I typed away while others slept. I am truly going to miss the reviews…yes I have become addicted to them. I will say I have this nagging story that won't let me rest so I hope that if I take an hour or so each night away from my other studies, I can write it without becoming obsessed with it. Yes, it is GSR. I can tell you it picks up during Butterflied. Again, thanks so much for your loyalty!

Take care! (I'm going to miss that send off also)

Penny


	171. Chapter 171

**Chapter One Hundred Seventy One:**

She sat at the desk gliding her hands across the smooth surface before leaning back in the chair. She breathed in deeply taking in a ragged breath before exhaling. It had been tough to sit here. Her eyes roamed the contents of the office and she sighed. It was different. It had felt different the moment his name plate had been removed from the door. She told herself that it would not bother her but it did. She had stood and watched as the janitor removed his name from the front lobby board and she had hurried up snatching the letters away from him before fleeing the scene.

It was Nick who came to check on her. He had stood at the doorway and waited for her to acknowledge his presence but when she didn't he came inside shutting the door behind him.

"Hey."

"They removed his name in the lobby…his name plate is now gone…there's not much left that even hints he once worked here," she said sadly.

"Grissom made this lab. Everyone knows that. Just because his name is gone and he's no longer…"

She was up now and heading out the door. He stood and watched her leave. He found himself twisting the ring around on his finger. He sighed as he looked around. He missed him too. It was not the same anymore.

She avoided his office for the rest of the day, working in the lab side by side with Greg who offered her a date at the diner but she declined choosing to eat her packed lunch and then returning to the microscope in front of her. The new recruits were busy running around a staged crime scene Greg and Hodges had devised. They were excited to begin the test and urged Sara to come and watch. She reluctantly came pretending to pay attention but her mind was not there. It was on Grissom. She smiled when Hodges began his speech to the recruits.

_He loves doing this…_

_He loves being the center of attention…_

_His game may have flopped but his training skits have done wonders in the training manuals…_

_Always seeking approval…_

_Always wanting to know if Grissom would approve…_

_Grissom…_

She missed him. It had been hard today. She gulped back a torrent of emotions and found herself returning inside no longer liking the bright sunlight.

_We spent so much of our life in darkness…_

_Working side by side…_

_Within __arm's__ reach…_

_Never touching…_

_Until…_

_So much wasted time…_

_So much we could have done…_

_Stop it! Sara!_

_Stop feeling sorry for yourself…_

_You had more time than you ever dreamed you would have…_

_You never thought he would finally let you in…_

_But he did…_

She looked at the hallway and saw the others huddled together in soft whispers. She hated when they did that. She walked right past them and ignored the urge to yell at them. She glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. It had only been an hour since the last time she looked. She threw herself into the paperwork but found she had already completed it. She looked in the inbox and grumbled.

_Grissom always had paperwork in the inbox…_

_Of course he was the worse for procrastination…_

_He hated paperwork…_

_I know it's necessary…._

_our__ likes and dislikes complimented one another…_

_we__ worked as a team these last two years…_

_Many thought we would not be able to do it…_

_Husband and wife team together 24/7…_

_We did it…_

_And found there __wasn't__ enough hours in the day to spend together…_

_It was the best of times…_

_Until…_

She remembered the day it happened. She had not been prepared for it. She had never seen it coming. He seemed different that day. She couldn't quite put her finger on it as their paths crossed several times that day. She was busy with the recruits while he was busy in a meeting. They had smiled at one another in passing. He had actually reached out grabbing her hand and kissed the palm before releasing it as she walked out. She had wanted to stop and chat but they were already running late for a field sight. She glanced over her shoulder to see him standing there and his expression troubled her.

He had appeared in the doorway later while she sat and completed the daily evaluations on the recruits. She had glanced up a couple of times trying to finish quickly but by the time she had found a good stopping point, he was no longer there. She looked around but could not locate him.

She told herself she was sleep deprived and tired and his behavior probably meant the same thing. It was not easy with a toddler running around the house and a baby. Matthew and Belle kept them busy. She picked up the family photograph on her desk and she smiled. They had posed for the picture just a few days before it happened. She had no idea what would be happening just a few days afterwards. If she had, her expression would have been different. She would not have worn the smile.

_He would be making his rounds right about now…_

_I'd glance up and he would be there…._

_Those blue eyes staring right into my soul…_

_God, I miss him…._

She glanced at the clock again and sighed, once more taking note that another hour had passed. She had survived another hour without Grissom. She felt the lump in her throat and she covered her mouth to stifle the sob. It was hard. It was so damn hard. Greg appeared in the doorway now and he fidgeted. He had learned to remain silent in moments like these. Grissom had taught him a lot about Sara.

_Don't let her know you see the tears…._

_She doesn't want to look weak…_

_Wait until she stops crying…_

She stood and gathered up her things. She was leaving. She had stayed longer than she thought she would. As she walked past Greg, she felt the slight touch on her arm and she smiled.

"Night Greg."

"Leaving?"

"Yes…I want to go home," she said.

"You've got another hour or so."

"I know. I can't…be here," she said.

"Yes you can. Let's go over Hodges field sight for tomorrow. He did a good…"

"I miss him, Greg," she said softly.

"We all do. Now, let's…"

"Tomorrow…"

"Procrastinating?"

"No, Grissom did that," she smiled sadly. "You know how he hated…" She stopped and looked at Greg.

"You're stalling me, aren't you?" she asked.

"We just wasted fifteen minutes. You can last the remainder of the shift."

She sighed. She followed him and as they went through the assignments for tomorrow she found herself reaching over and touching him slightly on the arm.

"Thanks, Greg."

She stepped out of the lab a few minutes past the scheduled time to leave for the day. She had gotten caught in a phone conversation with Brass. He and Heather were insisting on taking the kids for the afternoon.

"I think we need to be together as a family tonight," she said.

The drive was pleasant. The traffic was light but Sara knew that each second and each minute of this day had been about change. This was the first day she had been in the office without him. This was a day of many firsts without him and it had been difficult. She sat in her car for a moment upon arriving home. She glanced at the front entrance and knew she would need to weed the flower bed that weekend. She had laughed when Belle had tried to show Matthew how to weed but he was intent on catching a butterfly as it floated about the flowers.

_So much like Grissom…_

_Those bright blue eyes…_

_Slight curl of his mouth…_

_So much like Grissom…_

She slid out of the seat and made her way inside. It was quiet…too quiet. She found the kids lying on a blanket in the backyard. Matthew lay on his stomach sound asleep while Belle sat and read from her little book of words. Sara stood with arms folded at the sight of her family.

Her mind drifted back to that fateful Friday. She no longer liked Fridays at least for now. It was near the end of the shift when she realized that something was wrong. She had stood there talking to Hodges when he came up and kissed her. It was more than a peck on the cheek or a soft touch of the lips. It was a kiss that many still whispered about. The kiss was long and sensuous, nothing he had ever dare do on the job but at that moment, he didn't seem to mind that Ecklie and the others were there. She had not even noticed the others lined up along the hallway shaking his hand or patting him on the back as he walked out. It hit her full force when she read their lips.

_He's saying goodbye…_

_He's not coming back…_

_He's leaving…_

_He never told me…_

She had cursed at him all night, telling him how hurtful it had been to be the last to know but then realizing she would not have been able to wrap up her cases in order to leave for vacation the next day. As she watched him leave she thought of how he must have felt that night so many years ago when she had kissed him in front of Hodges and then fled. As she watched him leave it occurred to her that they would no longer be a team any more. Grissom and Grissom would only exist at home.

_As a couple…_

_As lovers…_

_As parents..._

_As friends…_

He rolled over and lay on his stomach patting the blanket. She sunk down onto the cover and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You did it," he whispered.

"Yes, I did."

"The first day is always the hardest. I remember when you left…it was hard being there and knowing you were not," he said.

"Me too," she had gulped as she swiped away the tears.

"I know you were mad at how I decided to leave…I always said I didn't want a party or a cake."

"How was your day?" she asked.

"Tiring. I don't know how Laura has managed to keep up with them." He sighed and then flashed his boyish smile, "It was great. I'm happy Sara. I just want to spend as much time with them…I know I'm going to be getting back to my research in a couple of weeks but I'll be here. I can pop in while Laura is watching them and I can see what they're doing. I'd much rather be watching the kids than the recruits. They have you and Greg now."

"Maybe I should…"

"Sara, you love your work. You love working with the new recruits. You're making a difference. I just want to be an author and a father."

"And a husband and lover…don't forget that," she said.

"Never."

"Even so, when I think about you and the kids here, I'm not so content with work."

"It's the first day. Give it some time. If you still don't like it, come home but do it because you want to and not because you think you should. Be happy Sara."

"I am happy," she said.

Note from author:

I had to write one more chapter and now the epilogue will follow. Thanks to all of those that have requested the epilogue. Take care! Penny


	172. epilogue

**Epilogue**

"Gil, honey, you've nodded off again," nudged Sara as they sat in the porch swing. He stretched and then pulled her to him as he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"I was just resting my eyes," he said as he yawned.

"Didn't sleep much in the tent last night, did you?" she asked.

"Sara, you find out how old you really are when you try to sleep on the hard ground at my age," he said as he groaned.

"Told you to make Nick do it," said Sara. "He needs the practice. Mandy is approaching her due date and I'm sure it's going to be a boy."

"Greg told you?"

"Mandy did…but don't tell Nick. He still wants it to be a surprise while Mandy just wants to make sure she doesn't traumatize the poor thing with pink wall paper and lace."

"I'm glad we found out immediately…helped with picking out the names."

"Ever wish we had gotten our act together sooner and had more than Matthew and Belle?" asked Sara.

"I'm happy with what we have. We have two wonderful kids, a great extended family…"

"Especially since we moved out of downtown and live in the country …seems our extended family is visiting every weekend," she said.

"You don't mind. You would never have agreed to move out here if you knew they would not visit. Greg practically lives here…he's gotten his own room."

"He loves Belle."

"He loves you."

She smiled. "He's bringing his girlfriend this weekend."

"Greg has a girlfriend?"

"I think he's tired of being alone."

"When is he ever alone? He's with us…"

She nudged him and he grinned.

"Talked with Jim and Heather?" asked Grissom.

"He's still trying to convince her to let him buy the property next door…not sure she's ready to leave Vegas just yet," said Sara as she tried to ignore Matthew who was busy stuffing a lizard into his pocket.

Grissom grinned.

Sara frowned.

"You're going to check his pockets tonight…not me," she said with folded arms.

"Heather better get used to the open air if she expects to live with Jim much longer," said Grissom.

"What do you mean?"

"He signed the papers yesterday."

"Heather is going to kick his…wait…he will probably like that," chuckled Sara.

"Not sure if Nick and Mandy are coming this weekend," said Grissom.

"Why not?"

"Nick doesn't want to be far from a hospital."

"You think Matthew's delivery had anything to do with that?"

"What do you think?" grinned Grissom.

"_Nick, how did we end up out here in the middle of nowhere again?" asked Sara as she huffed her way back to the Denali._

"_Your husband," replied Nick._

"_remind me to kick his…Nick?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_How far back is Grissom?"_

"_About a half mile. Why?"_

"_Get him. My water just broke."_

"_Yeah right. Really funny Sara."_

"_Nick, get your ass down that trail and get Grissom!"_

_He glanced at her as she clenched her teeth to fight off the first contraction. He found himself stumbling now to the other side of the vehicle, pulling her down to sit on the tailgait. _

"_Don't move. I'll be right back,"said Nick as he began to run. _

_Grissom sat down on a rock and looked around. "We need to move away from the city…it would be nice to live in the country…." He frowned when he saw Nick running toward him._

"_Griss, it's Sara!"_

"_What's wrong?"_

"_Sara... contractions."_

_Grissom and Nick sprinted back to the Denali. He hurried to her side trying to calm the churning in his stomach._

"_How far along are the contractions?"_

"_I've only had one."_

_Grissom sighed. "Good. Sara, it's probably just false labor like we had with Belle."_

"_Griss, you can't have false labor when your water has broken."_

"_Oh…oh! We need to go. We've got to get you to the hospital."_

"_That's why I married him…he's just so smart."_

_Grissom frowned._

_He helped her to the side of the vehicle jumping in beside her. _

_Nick sped._

_Sara grabbed Grissom's hand as another contraction hit._

"_Okay, how far apart?" asked Grissom._

"_How far are we from the hospital?" asked Sara._

"_At least forty five minutes," calculated Nick._

"_You don't want to know," said Sara._

_Grissom tightened his hold on her hand._

"_Breathe…just breathe Grissom," said Sara._

"_Isn't he supposed to say that to you?" asked Nick._

"_Right, I know how to breathe. He's back here about to ...oohhhh," cried Sara._

"_How much is that one going to cost me?" asked Grissom._

"_I was supposed to have a c section…I go in and they give me an epidural and then we have Matthew…no contractions Grissom…that was the deal….son of a …." yelled Sara._

_Grissom glanced at Nick._

_ Nick sped up._

_The contraction ended and Sara closed her eyes._

"_Sara? Are you okay? You need to look at me," cried Grissom._

"_I'm counting," she said._

"_Counting…now wait a minute. Why are you mad at me? I haven't done anything? I was going to come out here with Nick to help with the crime scene…you came along because you wanted to get some fresh air away from the city," said Grissom._

"_I didn't know I was going to go into labor….he's not due for another three weeks…He's just like you…always in a rush and unpredictable," said Sara._

"_Look, just because he's a boy doesn't mean he has my nature….he could be like you…God help us if he is," sighed Grissom._

"_What is that supposed to mean?" asked Sara._

"_It's bad enough Belle takes after you…"_

"_I'm counting…I am so counting….no let me recite the times tables so when I calm down I still won't have the urge to ….ooohhhh," cried Sara._

_He tightened his hold on her hand again._

"_Breathe through the pain Sara…Sara?...Sara stop that….you can't do that."_

"_What's she doing?" asked Nick._

"_She's holding her breath…breathe Sara. Dammit Breathe….you're going to pass out if you don't. Better. That's better, honey," said Grissom._

"_This is your fault," she snarled._

"_Are we back to that?" he sighed._

"_You got me in this condition," she whimpered._

"_Sorry honey…so sorry…honey? You can't do that…stop it…not yet."_

"_What's she doing now? Is she not breathing again?" asked Nick._

"_She's pushing…she can't push yet. We can't deliver this baby here in the car."_

"_Stop it Sara! Did you hear Grissom! That's her problem…she doesn't listen!" yelled Nick._

_Sara relaxed when the contraction stopped. "Don't listen? Let me…" she felt her stomach._

_She gripped Grissom's hand until her knuckles turned white._

"_Sara? What's wrong?" asked Grissom as he felt her body tense._

"_Something doesn't feel right," she whispered. "Grissom, I'm scared…I don't want to lose this baby."_

_Grissom looked at Nick. _

_Nick checked his watch. "Twenty minutes."_

_Grissom leaned over and kissed Sara on the forehead. "Hang in there honey. It's going to be okay."_

_It was Nick cursing now._

"_What's wrong?" asked Grissom._

"_Road block up ahead…it appears to be some kind of wreck," said Nick. They came to a stop. Nick looked up ahead. _

"_I see emergency crew. I'll go get them. Just hang in there Sara," called Nick as he sprinted off._

_He returned with an EMT carrying his medical gear._

"_We need to get her out of the vehicle and lay her down," called the young man. _

_Sara heard the voice and looked._

_ It was Hank Pettigrew._

"_He's not touching me!" said Sara as she felt herself being lifted by Grissom and Nick. _

"_Wait!" called Grissom. "Hold her here for a minute."_

_He ran to the back of the vehicle and pulled out a blanket laying onto the ground and then helped Sara to lay down. _

"_See? We're just going to enjoy this nice open view while our son is born. Okay Sara?" asked Grissom as he looked down at her._

_Hank hurried around and knelt down. "We're going to have to take off her slacks and…"_

"_I remember that is exactly what you said on our third date and it never happened. It's not going to happen today!" she yelled as another contraction came._

_Nick smirked._

"_Look, I'm trying to help. This baby can not wait for the hospital," said Hank._

"_Fine, Grissom, get down there and deliver your son," yelled Sara._

"_Sara? I don't know anything about…"_

"_Grissom!"_

"_Yes, dear."_

"_Let's change positions here. Hank, get up there and be the coach. Nick you hold Sara and make sure she breathes…I'm going to deliver my son," he said smiling._

"_You can do this," she said._

"_Yes, I can," he said._

_The men got into their positions as Nick found another small throw in the vehicle and placed it over Sara. They waited. No contraction._

"_Sara?"_

"_It doesn't feel right," she said softly. "Grissom? He wasn't turned at the last visit…"_

"_Okay…this is going to hurt a little…I promise to…" _

_A contraction came just as Grissom felt his way into the opening._

"_I'm going to turn him…okay?" he said softly._

_Sara cursed through the ordeal as another contraction began. _

"_I see the head now!" cried Grissom. _

"_That's good," said the EMT. "Now Sara when you feel the next contraction, you need to push really hard."_

_The contraction came. She pushed. She breathed. She panted. She gasped for air. Nick whispered encouraging words in her ears. _

_She pushed. She breathed. She cursed. She pushed. She pushed. She pushed. _

_"Sara breathe!" they yelled._

_One more push and then she saw him safely in Grissom's arms. Hank immediately went into action clearing the airways and checking the baby. He let out a loud wail and they all laughed._

"_He has her lungs," said Grissom._

_They wrapped him in Grissom's jacket and then handed him to Sara. She held the small bundle as Grissom pulled them into his arms as they sat there on the blanket. _

"_He looks like you," she said. "He's beautiful."_

"_It's nice out here. You know we should buy some land out here and build a house. The kids would love living out here."_

_She smiled. _

They looked at one another and then watched as Matthew chased Belle around in the yard with the lizard trying to make his escape from the pocket.

"He is so much like you," said Sara.

Grissom grinned.

"Do you miss the lab?" asked Grissom as he pulled her closer in the porch swing.

"Nope. I' m happy…very happy out here," she said.

"Warrick and Catherine are picking Lindsey up from the airport and they should be here in a couple of hours. Are we still going to grill out?"

"Yep. The kids want hotdogs…can't believe they both are meat eaters."

"I'm glad. I never cared much for that tofu…"

"Just remember your diet this weekend…you have to hang around another fifty years."

He smiled.

He felt he could.

The End.


End file.
